Last night my stalker quietly left a Christmas gift on my doorstep while I was watching TV. For my own safety I opened it early to make sure it wasn't something that would kill me. I took photos while doing this and thought I would share. This is /toy/ related, trust me.
Wrapped with only the kind of care a delusional woman can give.
>>5338936
Is she at least average-looking?
Oh gosh I actually happen to really like Transformers, maybe this will be something cool.
>>5338938
Yes, maybe slightly better than average depending on whether or not you're into MILFs.
>>5338932
how long has she been stalking you?
is this the creepy kind of stalker or the harmless kind?
Nevermind it's shit. A friend was standing next to me when I opened this and he said I had the same look on my face that his five year old son does when he gets shitty knock off toys as gifts.
>>5338942
About four or five months I guess. I think at this point I've been amicable enough that it's been harmless.
>>5338941
>maybe slightly better than average depending on whether or not you're into MILFs
But not to let this thing go to waste I will now proceed to review it with total impartialness to the manner in which I received it.
This is not normally the kind of toy I would ever buy for me or myself because it is such a piece of shit so I do not have much to compare it to, but my first impression is that I hate it.
On inspecting the back of the box I can see that the Lockdown figure looks so much better.
>>5338944
what did you do to warrant this woman's attention?
The cardback that the figure it attached to has a really cool design. The colour is great and the blueprint style looks really awesome. However all the pictures are of the dinobots, which makes we wish she had of got me one of those instead of a fucking Bumblebee.
>>5338958
the toy even looks like it doesn't enjoy existing
The first thing I noticed was how floppy it felt and the complete lack of any leg articulation. The head doesn't turn, either.
>>5338957
I slept with her like eight or nine times. I don't know why she's so in to me though, I'm just a Transformers collecting manchild.
True to form for Hasbro movie toys, more than half of the alt mode is hanging off the back, not even attempting to fold up into something manageable.
There is an acceptable amount of joints in the arms. Movement is limited in the elbow and the wrist does nothing.
>>5338961
that bumblebee is probably whammied
you gon get cursed anon
Will you thank her and if so, how?
Due to the lack of leg joints, and the ankles being tied to the automorph gimmick, there is no real way to get it to stand upright properly. The best it can manage is this permanent reverse-michael-jackson-lean.
>>5338969
Pfft, like I'm scared. He doesn't have working legs, I could easily get away from it. Worst possessed doll ever.
It does have the standard holes in the hands so it can hold some accessories, which are of course all out of scale. The sculpt is decent though, and the few paint apps get the job done.
>>5338972
I was going to text her "thank you" but every time I think she's getting normal with me and I send a reply it just fuels more crazy from her. She has a tendency to appear from nowhere and follow me around when I'm out so I guess I'll just thank her the next time she's walking three feet behind me.
>>5338959
Here it is trying to end it's agonizing existence.
>>5338983
Wouldn't it be better for everyone, if this is the case, to friendly ask her to bugger off?
>>5338990
Potential future sex encounters, yo.
Positioning its shoulder flaps like this make it look kind of cool. I can appreciate the aesthetic, but the design is shit.
>>5338990
Done that plenty of times. It doesn't get though.
>>5338992
No. NO.
>>5338992
becareful of pregnancy scares yo
and bring your own condoms
>>5338995
what, the sex sucks?
On to the transformation. To start, you position the arms like so, which reminded me of those robots from that one episode of the 1940's Superman cartoon, which gave me some huge nostalgia because I had that shit on video tape when I was a kid and I used to watch it all the time.
The next step of the transformation is to literally spin the body around and around while holding the arms.
>>5338997
Had that once, before I knew she was going to get all crazy stalker on me. I began to realize she was nuts right about the same time we realized she wasn't pregnant so it was kind of like "thank fuck I'm not trapped" combined with "oh god help me she wont leave me alone". Weird feels, man.
>>5339002
She was probably on top the entire time.
Unless you were 100% submissive (not realizing she was a stalker, for example), you'd get bored of that pretty quickly.
The spinning movement folds up the whole body. Doing this the first time was kind of an awe moment, having not seen something like it before. Although it becomes apparent quickly that the gimmick kind of sucks.
>>5339002
No, sex was good. She was responsive and essentially behaved like she just wanted to please me. She'd do whatever I asked. But good sex is not worth a crazy bitch.
>>5339005
See above. Also she was shit at being on top, like she didn't know how to move her hips or something.
>>5338995
You think maybe she has issues pertaining to a loss of/lack of children and likes you because you are a manchild whom she can both mother and um. Sleep with?
Because the whole mechanism is spring loaded it doesn't fit together very well, and doesn't stay together for long, either. The wheels don't roll well and the protruding joints ruin the alt mode. Overall it's just kind of shitty. I can't really figure out why things like this exist. I can't imagine it's any cheaper to have workers assemble complicated spring mechanisms rather than joints that either screw or pop together, and the end product is more fiddly than a regularly transforming toy, so who is it for? It's too big, too flimsy, too fiddly, and I can see all those springs and gears breaking pretty quickly. It really is just a waste of time and space.
>>5339012
Yeah, I thought about that. She's got two kids, one about fifteen and the other is about 12 and autistic. Found out about this after I'd already slept with her a couple of times. From what she told me about their father, I got the impression that she feels like she missed out on her 20s, and is now trying to make up for that time now.
>>5339021
Ah, that makes sense. It's sad and pretty scary. If I was in your position I'd be terrified.Why did you sleep with her, anyway? How did that come about?
>>5339021
never stick your dick in crazy
but hey, free toys atleast
>>5339029
What? Stick your dick in crazy as much as you want but use a fake name and do it out of town.
ITT: anon's mom drops off his Christmas present and he makes up some story for attention
>>5339024
I'll greentext!
>at bar on a Friday night
>on my own because friends were busy and the usual regulars don't seem to be out either for some reason, but I stay because I like to drink and don't have any problem striking up conversation with random strangers
>outside talking to some Swiss backpacker
>there's this fat old lady out there too, a hot milf, and some 19 year old kid trying to pick her up
>kek internally
>anyway out of nowhere this fat old lady asks me if I want to go back to her place to smoke weed
>heck yus free weed
>realize fat old lady and hot milf are sisters
>19 year old kid can't hold his booze, pukes and leaves early
>noice, might try to bang that milf myself
>get in the courtesy bus with people from the bar
>on the ride wonder if maybe that fat old lady wants to bang ME
>scream internally
>get to house
>its only me, the milf, and the old lady
>this isn't a party, it's a setup
>oh no what have I done
>go inside, chit chat, regular stuff, but I'm trying to figure out why I'm here
>suddenly old lady leaves
>aw yiss
>smoke lots of weed
>too much, way too much
>she puts me to sleep in her bed
>wake up a while later, I feel a lot better
>she's still up and listening to music
>go out to talk to her because I feel weird sleeping in her bed
>out of nowhere she asks "so I suppose you want to cuddle then"
>well alright
>go back to her bed
>awkward sex
>next day she drives me home
>think nothing of it
>see her a few weeks later at the same bar
>asks if I want to come over again
>why not?
>do this a couple more times, have her at my house a couple times
>suddenly, like the flip of a switch, she's texting constantly and acting like we're a couple
>nope the fuck out
>it is now four of five months later and I am making this thread
>>5339036
Nope, here's the card she attached.
>>5339040
Wait are you an attractive manchild or is she just terrifyingly desperate?
>>5339040
Not sure texting you constantly = crazy, what am I missing? It's kind of sweet that she bought you a gift even if it's one of the worst Transformers known to man.
>>5339047
OP must not like milfs
>>5339040
that does't seem so bad
>>5339048
The context of the texts weren't general, it was always shit about "us" in the context of some kind of relationship. And there's more that doesn't fit in a greentext, like showing up at my house at 2am in the middle of the week blitzed as fuck, showing up at my friends house at 2am blitzed as fuck to try and talk to them about me, telling everyone I know that we're a couple, getting her sister to aggressively try to stop me from talking to anyone female when I'm out drinking, sending me pictures of her cunt while I'm at work, and following me around when I'm out.
Yeah sure it's real sweet she got me a gift. It's not so sweet that she wont leave me alone even after I've repeatedly told her to leave me alone.
>>5339047
I dunno, here's a picture of me dressed as Axl Rose for Halloween.
>>5339057
Dude I love milfs, I've slept with four of them.
>>5339067
Shit how do I snag a milf who will send me pictures of her cunt while I'm at work?
>>5339067
How does she know where your friends live?
>>5339070
Go to a bar and talk to hot women? I don't know man it's not that hard.
>>5339075
I asked myself the same thing. They asked themselves the same thing. Everyone was asking a lot of questions that day.
>>5339040
I'm jealous
All my stalkers gave up on me when their baby makers started their self destruct countdown in the 30s.
The last piece of "mail" i ever got was a lengthy 6 page hand written manifesto about the end of the world in 2012.
>>5339067
the blur made me think the photo was a photoshop of Jesus
>>5339067
on a scale of 30-50, how old you reckon she is?
>>5338944
It's a sign anon. A sign that she wants to warm shelves with you. To hope that you flip and change your mind about her
>>5339080
Grass is always greener.
>>5339082
Well I have been Jesus before so technically you're not wrong.
>>5339084
She told me she was 35 but I suspect she's older.
>>5339089
I laughed.
>>5339089
kek
you win today
>>5339097
You don't look too bad. I just bet she has a thing for rocker-looking fellows, or that she's just looking for a life partner before she becomes less sexually attractive to be a wife.
Post some of those cunt pictures in /hc/
>>5338976
those fucking legs
>>5339136
let's not
>>5339067
Hm, I would say you're reasonable, so long as that's not your real hair. Good height too, so she's not completely insane.
>>5339149
No, we need to see the cunt of the cunt who gave this man an awful Bumblebee.
>>5339153
It's my real hair, bro.
I'm loving this thread.
Dump her. She can't spell "a lot" correctly.
OP can you post a pic of her, or at least a pic of a lookalike? It's hard to picture a 40something milf who's into Jesus types
>>5342545
this
Jody needs a dictionary
and your dick.
Stop being a fag OP.
Jam one of your many hacky sacks in her ass.
You're looking a gift horse in the mouth and not taking advantage of all the other shitty toys she can gift you at 2 in the morning.
Some people don't appreciate what they have.
When will OP deliver photos of Jody?
Anyone else feel sorta bad for this girl? Its actually kinda touching that she went and did this, even if her knowledge of Transformers isn't good enough for her to pick something better than this.
I just imagine her spending the time to pick one up, wrapping it and leaving it for him just hoping that he'll get back in touch with her. Makes me feel really bad for some reason. I probably have way too much empathy.
>>5339076
If it's not that hard, you should make up for it with length or good tongue skills.
>>5342977
OP says she's crazy, but that's what every guy says about their ex amirite?
