ITT: we fix soccer
I'll start
>put a shotclock
>multiball at random times
>no goalkeepers
Wild beasts on the pitch
replace football players with naked women
>able to use hands
>no offsides
-some stoppage time halfway the first and second half to get a snack/something to drink/go to the bathroom
-bit of cheeky fireworks after a goal is scored
-more black people
Every team has a clone of Jamie Vardy
fouls for flopping
introduce first downs
play with a football
have goalposts
change it to being played with hands
have tackles
fixed
if you commit a foul you have to go off the pitch for 3 minutes
yellow card foul = 10 minutes
red card foul= no turning back
>goals from outside the box count double
>no red cards, but yellow cards mean you have to take 10 minutes off
>goalkeepers can't touch the ball with hands but are allowed to foul anyone with extreme severity
>as many subs as you like but only every 15 mins
>one player on each team can hack people off the ball, but can't touch the ball
>if this player breaks an opposition player's limb the game is over and their team wins, like catching the golden snitch
>33 players per team instead of 11
>3 nets, middle one gives extra points
Shrink everything by almost a factor of two, then replace the grass with ice.
>>64461202
this
stop for commercials every time the ball goes out of bounds or the play is stopped by foul
>>64461162
>tfw you right
find a rich sugardaddy to give outrageous wages or dont be allowed in the CL
indian or chinaman in your team for 45 minutes= start with a 1-0 lead (this stacks, 2 indians = 2-0 lead)
maximum of 10 passes before shooting at the target, foul is called if you go over it
i'm feeling rollerblades can play a role as well
every player gets to wear and use boxing gloves during a corner kick
think of the chaos
Make creative foul penalties like yellow card makes you only be able to use your head for five minutes and you aren't allowed to sub off, and a red card makes you compete in hand to hand combat with a Roman gladiator.
>shots that go off the woodwork and out are corner kicks, not goal kicks
>retroactive suspensions for diving
>retroactive overturning of yellow and red cards if the calls were bad
>end the away goals rule
>bring back the British Home Championship, maybe stretched out over the course of a couple years
>longer but less frequent international breaks during the season
add boards on every side
>Review team to approve decisions the moronic ref make
>more cards for dives
That's about it
My prediction when seeing this in catalog was an american poster is correct
damn.
>>64461765
>says muslim america
-Battle of the Continents: exactly what it sounds like
-divide the pitch in 3 parts: defense, midfield and attack. You are free to put as many players into one part as you want in 1 part of the field but you cant change it until halftime (so only change it once). Players cant run over the line (ex defender running into the midfield part)
a team can chose two players of the opponents team who HAVE to play, opponent choses where he puts them
>>64461066
>Allow use of hands
>Allow tackling
>Raise goal 10 feet above the ground
>Also allow scoring when carrying ball across the end line
>Have set plays instead of useless passing the ball back and forth
>If after 4 plays the team can't advance the ball ten yards they have to turn it over to the other team
>Fights allowed like during ice hockey games, 1v1 and only fists
>More subs, something like 3/half-time
>Yellow = 10min out
>during half-time, captains have to toss a coin; if they get it right their team gets a penalty
The field has 18 inches of water.
Ball floats.
1 win with 5 goals = 4 points
1 win with 4 goals or less = 3 points
The ball randomly explodes.
>>64461066
players only wear speedsuit singlets
>>64461066
>introduce playoffs
>touching the ref is an instant red card like in any civilized sport
literally all i ask for
Clock counts downward and stops when out of play like in civilized sports; no stoppage time because that shit's legitimately retarded.
>>64461116
This plus multiball in overtime.
Add cheerleaders
Commercial breaks every 5 minutes.
Force all the best teams to play in one league in major American cities, remove ties, add a 20 minute overtime and if nobody scores then it goes to a shootout.
>>64461066
Replace the grass for a flat, smooth surface covered in whipped cream
>>64461066
Put stoppage time at the beginning of the game then count down from exactly 90 minutes once it has been used up
>>64463443
The clock thing is just weird and who came up with stoppage time that doesn't even count down while playing
Team that loses gets to watch their wives/daughters/sisters get raped by packs of niggers
>add commercial breaks
Remove penalty shootouts.
Replace them with goals that get bigger and bigger as over time goes on or, uhh, multiball I guess.
>>64461066
Halftime donkey shows
landmines
each player gets a bow and 1 arrow - arrows can be picked up from other player missed shots. anything can be shot, ball or players or ref. if the ball is shot in midair, award 10 pts. arrow shot into goal = .1 pt and the arrow is gone from the game. if the ball is shot while on the ground, the player is ejected from the game
each team has 1 helicopter drop to use during the game, where emergency players can rappel in at any spot on the field
each goalie can yell FREEZE at any time and any player within 10 ft of the ball has to freeze or else they get yellow carded
each team gets 1 slut card, where a designated slut can run on the field and try to distract the other team for a period of 60 seconds. if the slut gets 3 arrows shot into her by the other team, she must do a booty dance
Allow usa to win a WC only for the shitposting about having as many titles as Englel
I'm not sure if it would fix football, but it would break /sp/
just make it rugby so its not some pussy sport that everybody hates
>>64461334
Underrated post.
Lots of dumb suggestions ITT but in all honestly the penalty system needs a big overhaul.
Yellow and red are way too archaic. Double penalties are way too common and stupid. Professional fouls really need an 'orange' card.
Someone really needs to take a long hard look at the rulebook but by now we're way too ingrained into not messing up "the beautiful game". Just look at how long it fucking took to get goalline technology or just fucking additional refs at the goals.
>>64463266
>touching the ref is an instant red card like in any civilized sport
but that's how it actually is
>>64468062
A sin bin would help the cowardly referees who don't want to send off players.
It's mad that the punishment for a poor tackle as last man and a career ender is the same.
>Throw ins are taken with feet instead
>no draws, instead it goes to the five aside pitch over the road for first to 5 goals
>>64461066
- Remove the offsides rule.
- Have the clock actually count DOWN and STOP when the ball goes out of bounds.
- Add a vertical goal like basketball so that talented shotmakers can score over the goalie by dropping the ball down.
Really though it's just a shit sport so there's not much you can actually do. Using feet and not hands is inherently clumsy and stupid.
>>64468266
Oh, and put a backboard behind and on the sides of the goal for rebounds.
>>64461408
>53 man chinese roster
>Still lose
Is this what you sick fucks do while we sleep?
For the love god, you will not get away with this, I'm telling the queen!
Remove Br fans
Make the game entirely penalty kicks
Each player takes turns trying to kick before the teams switch places
Increase the kick distance to 120m or so
Widen the goal to the whole length of the back line
Each player gets 3 chances to kick
If any defending player can catch a kicked ball with his hands, then that offensive person's kicking turn is over
Move the goalie to about 20m or so from the kicker
Make the ball smaller
Have 'kicks' be done with a hand-held standardized club or some kind
Since it'd look weird for kicks to be done off of tees, just have the goalie serve the ball to the kicker by throwing it
If a kick doesn't make it to the goal but isn't caught by a defender, the following kickers have a chance to make up the point lost but only if that first kicker can run between set distances on the field without getting caught while the ball is in play
>bonus points for scoring over a certain number of goals, let's say 4
>introduce a sin bin
>clock is stopped when the ball goes dead
Basically just try to make it more like rugby
Whoever has the most possession at the end of the match gets an additional goal against their score total
Any time a footballer gets a red card he has to give as many weeks salary as games he is banned for to a soldier
If a free kick is inside the opponents half you have to shoot at goal
shrink the goal by 50%
>>64468556
To a soldier in the country of their team, or a soldier in their FIFA country?
>>64468728
>To a soldier in the country of their team, or a soldier in their FIFA country?
Of their team.
>>64461066
i like the multiball idea. make the field smaller too. that way the camera doesn't have to pan as much and its easier to watch the multiball.
>>64461066
how about dividing the play time in nine 10 minute parts and having commercials and shows not related to the sport inbetween?
ITT: autistic shitlords attempt to ruin football
>>64474718
>kek
