depression chat. feeling down, then come on in and hang out. femanon, 26.
>>23932665
>femanon
This atttacts the betas
finally a thread for me.
how you doing op? besides feeling down
>>23932669
sorry for being a girl, my bad. i'll work on that.
>>23932682
i'm alright, just reading. it's raining so it's nice to just read and relax best i can right now. you?
>>23932665
There's no stopping this depression train. Talk to us op, if you want to of course.
>>23932729
what are you reading? i havent read anything lately. trying to workout and going out a lot more because i tend to overthink everything extremely.
its almost 1am here so im planning to go to sleep soon.
>>23932765
everything is sucky and no matter how hard i try, which is fucking hard, nothing changes and nothing matters. despite years of trying, nothings gotten better and i'm learning to just exist in my own world, read and enjoy the media i consume, and do that until i die one day. i've pretty much given up on all my dreams lol
>>23932767
i read like 8 books at once lol right now i'm currently really into "sputnik sweetheart" by Haruki Murakami, "all families are psychotic" by Douglas Coupland and "kill your friends" by John Niven.
>>23932783
yeah i can relate to that feel all too well. everyday feels like a fucking test that i just cant pass, no matter how hard i try. I never had any solid dreams to begin with lol. what is the media you consume tho? you mentioned books. anything else?
>>23932801
television and movies, sometimes music, though with where we are right now with such terrible bandwidth make sit almost impossible to seek out anything new. can't download anything, and barely get any TV channels. can at least buy comics online.
i have dreams but i have no drive anymore for accomplishing them. all the fight has gone out of me.
Hello! Sorry for any grammar problem.
I have been thru depression, various meds,
spend all my money in treatments i didn't quite believe,
anger, lots of pain, lost my job, all friends, went psychotic, tried suicide in quite fancy ways,
ended in psychiatric hospitals...
etc.
But then i realized A LOT of things about questioning REALITY and EXISTENCE itself.
It was like flipping a switch.
Now i feel lucky i went thru all that shit.
Because that makes me realize i don't
accept mediocrity of life like a robot.
Im an artist. An alchemist.
And since then, living life has been an authentic experience.
Life is not about feeling happy all the time
Nor feeling down all the time.
It's about listening to your core
And being vulnerable and authentic.
You are up to change the world.
It shall pass, like everything else in life.
what's everyone up to tonight?
>>23932886
listening to this before going to bed
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f1JF6vQhzNE
but im going now, good night everyone
>>23932815
television, movies, music and games are basically the only things that can make me kinda happy for a little while. really depressing yeah. im going to bed now, but i really hope that everything works out for you. hopefully you'll feel better in the future.
Always assumed I'd be alone forever. I then had someone for a brief moment of time but I wasn't good enough for her, I knew that from the start and she came to her senses and tossed me aside. If there was ever to be a time where I win instead of the Chads, that was it. Now I'm back to square one only now it hurts so much worse, I don't want to keep going anymore but I have to.
>>23932979
Oh I had a situation similar to you but I dumped her for being a cheating lying drug addict... Now she wants to get back with me which makes me even more depressed that she's the best I could ever do. Oh well lol
Former depressedfag here. As cliche as it sounds, and as difficult as it seems, it does get better. I strongly suggest getting DNA testing at a local, trusted psychiatrist to see if you have predispositions to certain disorders or mutations that cause chemical imbalances. I have the latter. 1 little supplement a day and I get by just fine, kicked my meds after about 10 months.
>>23932998
Going to university, life is only getting harder from me. This country is in a position where Trump is the best likely option, future not looking good.
>>23932998
meds only have ever made things worse. no. for some people, things really don't get better. that's a lesson i had to learn the hard way.
>>23932968
thanks, you too. i agree though, they really are my lifeblood at this point.
>>23933003
wish i had the money, patience, or will to even remotely want to go to school. can't do that again though. it nearly killed me the first time.
how is it relevant that you're a femanon?
>>23933014
because depression can be a little different between genders so i want people to know who they're conversing with. simple as that.
>>23933020
I don't think it's a significant difference
males and females can understand each other's feelings of depression well enough without having to be the same sex
I think you just wanted quick and guaranteed replies
>>23933066
people of different genders have different experiences. you could just as easily say "why mention that you're 26?" it's common on the Internet to mention your gender, age, and location.
even if she did just want guaranteed replies, what the hell is wrong with that? if you started a thread because you wanted to talk to people, wouldn't you or anyone else want replies? she's not a criminal ffs. you sound like a bitter virgin, and since we're on 4chan, chances are good you are
I'm 20, and I feel incredibly blue lately. I can't seem to connect with anyone. I have plenty of friends but none that would refer to me as their best friend, I have no one I talk to on a daily or even weekly basis. I don't think it's because I'm a hard person to like, but rather that I'm too critical of others. In my heart, I've never met someone I felt truly shares my passions/interests and understands my mindset towards life. I know there are people like what I'm looking for out there but I'm afraid they may pitty me. I hope once I graduate from college, I'll be able to have a bit more freedom to make my life a bit less dull. As of now, life seems like a never ending struggle to keep on. I don't wish to die or end this, I just hope this chapter in my life will end sooner. I've given up trying to be someone I'm not for others, I've given up trying to change others, I just want a friend that matters to me.
>>23933292
No consolation, but I feel the same way. I guess that as you get older you realize more how you differ from other people.
Used to be that you could make friends by simply hanging out together. Now you know that the things that matter to you don't really matter to them, and vice versa. I don't know how to bridge that gap, how do other people do it?
>>23933315
I don't know. I enjoy 4chan for the fact I've met several people on the different boards I frequent who seem passionate about interests I'm into but it's a whip different story trying to find those people in real life.
I don't know what to feel. I'm 22, already graduated from college, have a job, own a car, have a nice girlfriend, but I still feel empty inside. I don't know what to do, what to think or even what to feel, I feel like a young punk, with no direction (even though I know I have to work so I can marry this girl). Wish I was able to love myself tho, I'm tired of seeing myself in the mirror and see someone I don't like.
>>23932886
I made dinner, took a shower and now I'm watching Phelous review movies on the ol' youtube. I'm probably just going to watch a bunch of his reviews and catch up to see if anything interesting happened with Nintendo for E3.
Feels bad one of the few things I still get excited for is video games and everyone I know was a crotchety old man about E3. Although I was being all excited about Sony and all of them are mostly into Nintendo.
>>23932979
I think I know that except flip the genders. It was weird how passionate and sweet he was and then he all of a sudden kind of vanished. He'll pop on once a month to say something in skype and then leave again. It all happened after I gave him a Valentine's Day card with my feelings along with some games he wanted, which now makes me think I'm embarrassing as all hell and telling a guy how much he means to you is the worst possible thing you can ever do.
>>23933334
First, actually commit yourself to change your physique. Now, join Planet Fitness (trust me). Continue to commit yourself (look at progress threads in /fit/, inspo, whatever it takes). Do this and don't stop and in 6 months time you'll not only feel better about yourself but be happier.
>>23933330
Well maybe people don't feel as comfortable talking about furry scat in real life.
>>23932847
Thank you based buddha anon. I really want to have a psychedelic enlightening experience, I hear about people having it so much, but I'm scared. Anxiety rules me.
>>23933775
Don't be afraid, just do a decent dosage of shrooms and you should realize a few things about your life and life in general.
It makes your thoughts very meta, giving you a fresh perspective on yourself.
I have very bad anxiety myself, but there's no need to be afraid of shrooms, they're not that big of a deal. It's not going to fuck your brain up, you cannot overdose on them unless you're doing a very, very large amount, and a bad trip is unlikely in my experience.
They make everything look beautiful, the best image I've ever seen in my life was a sunrise on shrooms.
HI
>>23933775
Not a buddhist :D
Most people just walk around like zombies, workaholics, stacking bad blood, eating too much and pointing fingers. Consumers.
Depression is your most inner desires showing you can't settle for that.
Life can't just be THAT lame, right? Now you don't know what to do, cause that was the only way you learned you can be. You don't accept the "program", so it tries to put you down - by depression and anxiety and all that crap.
Never back down. Never give your back.
Once you see it, it all becomes easier.
You don't accept yourself because you really really really should not. Somethings got to change first.
Depression is nature's way to fight back society disgraces. It literally means that you're bleeding-edge technology.
Start listening to your body. Meds only do silence your body.
>>23934690
Even weed can give you some kind of divergent thinking - but how you project yourself on the experience makes all the difference.
I wouldn't suggest to anyone they should use psychedelics, cause... ( 1) , not everyone is ready and serious about an inner change, and (2), if you have a predisposition to psychiatric disorders like, lets say, psychosis or schizophrenia, the symptoms can grow exponentially.
Tip: don't ever try ayahuasca while depressed or on meds. It's like having a nightmare while awake.
I wish we could really talk, not just write, about or problems. Or at least have a chat
My life is the worst. I can't hold a job. I have no money. My dog literally died. She was three and someone hit her with their car on a road with a 10mph speed limit and three speed bumps. I have panic attacks and consider suicide often. Which is stupid and childish and i hate myself.
Whats up.
Nobody cares that I exist. My only two friends on earth consider me a nuisance half the time and I only get to see them once every couple of months. I have an incredibly hard time doing anything for myself because I see myself as a worthless fuckup. I try not to think about myself consciously, because the spiral of self loathing>pity>depression>loathing can leave me rekt for days at a time. Because of that I tend to go through life feeling carefully neutral and trying to focus on anyone but myself. I like doing things for others because it gives me a tiny bit of value to that one person for a moment. I barely scraped through school out of a total lack of consideration for myself, even though I had no problem writing 90%+ college papers for my mom when I was in middle school.
I had a shitty minimum wage, permanent part time but 7 days a week fucking why, for a couple years. I couldn't even afford food half the time, but I didn't go looking for a new job or a second one or anything because why bother, it's just me. Eventually I lost my apartment, and then I lost my job, but I can still exist because there's food in dumpsters and water from facets, and I can manage a full on shower about once a week. And I don't try to change it because for me, nothing's changed. I still exist, I still shouldn't, I'm still tired when I wake up and tired when I move and eat and talk to people, just tired tired tired all the fucking time.
And I do know that people kind of reflect the attitude you give em. I try to be cheerful for people I meet because if I get a real smile back it can make me feel a bit less worn out, but almost no one does. Most people won't even make eye contact, and it wears me down even more when I run into someone and I put everything I've got into a smile and a wave and a greeting and they pretend I don't exist at all.
Being alive is just really exhausting from start to finish.
>>23932669
>this kills the crab
Pls
hi, is anyone still in this thread? maybe we can start a discord and listen to each other complain or something
26, m, neet, depressed for a few years. i really wish something would change for me. i used to be very enthusiastic
>>23935991
>>23935978
i read these, sounds rough
>>23932783
fuk i know how you feel. i haven't been able to shake my depression fully ever. at least i don't worry about what happens after you die anymore.
>>23936162
If there were a discord i would come around
I've been fucking a guy who has a gf because I want to feel wanted again.
>>23936809
try camwhoring?
Is anybody else /chronicmigraine/ here or do I get to suffer alone
Cheer up faggots, at least you don't like sticking your dick in holes full of germs and poop.
>>23936879
why would that make you feel depressed? everybody has their own fetish, yours just a bit more fucked up than the common ones
>>23936898
Why wouldn't you feel like an awful person if your entire sexual identity was literally rolling in shit?
>>23936911
because its something you cant control and wont make you a bad person
>>23936952
Bad people are based on actions not desires. As such acting on a bad desire makes you a bad person.
Do you ever feel like you don't deserve friends? ever since my friends all went to college last september and the year before that, its like i dont exist to them anymore. some of them are only 20 minutes on a bus away and they never ask to hang out or message me at all. Even when i message them they see it and don't reply
sucks when they're childhood friends too
>>23936960
>Bad people are based on actions not desires
your actions are based on thoughts and desires
>As such acting on a bad desire makes you a bad person.
i wouldnt called it bad, more like weird or really fucked up. the only difference between having a foot fetish (most common i think) and scat is that the last is a lot more rare and not socially accepted. you shouldnt advertise it irl but i dont think it makes you a bad person
I don't even know why I bother being nice, either nobody appreciates me or I just get shit on in the end.
I want to just go jump off a building but I cba to find one tall enough
i go to sleep at 7 am and get up at 5 pm. i have been having trouble showering regularly though thankfully girls don't have to shower quite as often so i can get away with it. still. i wish i had the energy or the interest to do anything. all i do is read and play video games with my gf. i feel so fucking sad.
>>23934690
Already did shrooms once a while ago, didn't really have a self-reflecting or important experience, I just did them.
>>23935839
Agree, I've also been worldly depressed lately, not just on society and it's ailments (I used to get really depressed about interaction in society, people being strangers to one another, not seeing the human in another, being solitary). But lately, it's been a lot about destruction of the world, climate, habitat, all the suffering. It makes me depressed.
>>23935867
I'm scared of the latter because I don't know if I have predisposition. Weed did give me different perspectives, but it made me anxious and see things as "fake" at one point, I got really into thinking and just saw society and my friendships and relationships as fake and decided to stop smoking.
>lonely as fuck
>find new group to hang with
>tell them about myself
>immediately ostracized
haha I wish I could make this shit up... ;_;
>>23937420
i would have married you, but you chose a gf over me. you threw our relationship away. i hope you're happy you selfish dick.
>>23937522
wat
I look around and identify with a lot of you.
Same thinking pattern, same feelings.
It only reinforces my belief that this is all some bad-ass well engineered trap. More physical than emotional - emotions seems to diverge a lot more.
>>23937487
Dont feel bad. I cant even get to the second part.
I'm not sure if depression adequately describes what I'm feeling, but I'm going to hang out with you guys anyways.
I just really, really, really hate everyone.
>>23937420
Lol, are you the female version of me?
>>23938365
tell us about why you feel this way, anon.
new to the thread.
hope i can find someone to talk to
>>23938398
what brings you here, friend?
>>23938387
It's difficult to put into a few words.
I'm not some angsty little shit filled with a vague mass hate.
I hate everyone individually for their own unique and special reasons.
I know that deep down inside, I'm a pretty awful person. But I do my best to keep that to myself.
But the way I see people treat each other, god damn. If that's what people are on the outside, how god damn awful do they all have to be on the inside?
We're all big fucking icebergs of evil.
>>23938409
I feel pretty similar. Everyone is just so fake and and they all seem to be marching towards some bullshit societal goal burned into their hands, so much so that they push everyone to the ground to get to that goal even though it's not even worth pursuing.
>>23938405
i dont know to be honest
maybe the fact nobody knows who i am and no one here will judge me
>>23938425
There's no where you can go to escape judgment unfortunately. Though, I guess it's easier to ignore the negative opinions expressed here, allowing you to be more yourself. Feels nice to be yourself doesn't it? I wish people would do it irl. I do it, but it always alienates me from everyone. I feel forced into being alone so I can be myself, and damnit that feels lonely ;_;
>>23938436
can i add you somewhere? i rly wanna talk with ya
>>23938424
That's another thing. Holy fuck is there nothing worth doing in this world.
People keep telling me that life is what you make of it, but what's there to be made? I can't imagine one thing that would make me happy. What is worth taking joy in out there?
I have some vague idea that some degree of companionship would make me happy. I have dreams about it sometimes. And it seems so fucking simple. But holy hell, everyone I meet is just so god damn difficult to like. Like would it kill anyone to not be an entitled self-righteous cunt?
>>23938456
Sure, kik me at Probot_r9k, or if you prefer to be more anonymous tox me at
AF00206B2DF62664F4AA34BD3340CDDDF6405F00DFC61F0A370C04C04874101E5C2E32ACD6DB
>>23932665
Hey I'm male, turning 25 this year and I've literally done nothing with my life. I've never fit in or made friends on my own, right now I'm pretty much a neet and distant from everyone. I'm not charismatic, charming, funny or anything so I can't attract anyone. Another thing is I'm a spic and since I can remember EVERYONE by default has put me on their 'pay no mind' list, thought less of me or treated me like shit.
I have acquiantances and 'friends' but no one I've really talked to or held a conversation with. Even in HS I was a fatso, but there were much uglier and fatter people but they somehow had friends and cliques they fit into, I never fit anywhere. Its so annoying, even when I tried to make friends I put them as my #1 when it was obvious they couldn't care less about me. Then when I stopped chasing people, no one wanted to hang out or talk with me.
I'm pretty much a sociopath now and I'm scared of any relations, I always see it as I give my 100% in a relation the other doesn't care, thinks or me as strange, or is looking to get away. I've never had a job and, well sociopath isn't really the right word. I just can't relate or be friendly to people anymore I just see it as everyone I meet will be the last time I ever see them.
Sorry I didn't really read through the thread, I just wanted to vent.
All my friends are dead to me. They stabbed me hard in the back and I can't go back to them.
The girls I've dated all ghosted me. I have a problem that I've never had a girlfriend and feel incredibly inferior to everyone because of this. Growing up I always wanted to get married, but I'm 27 now, so it's too late for that boat.
I got denied to the art school I had dreamed of going to.
I'm a wagecuck cashier and I hate all my customers.
i don't think it's a chemical imbalance, I legit have reasons to be sad. No matter how hard I apply myself and try to chance my situation, I always get fucked in the end back to whatever road destiny wants me to smash my head into.
>>23938459
I think you would enjoy reading a short introductory piece to existentialism. Albert camus's The Stranger. It's a fun little novel that i think might click with your view of society, and will probably make you feel better. It made me feel better. I learned more about existentialist philosophy and now I just see people and things in general differently.
>>23938459
only read ur last post. looks like we got the same prob. if u wanna talk i made a fake mail to post ur skype or whatever, coz i dont want to post my shit here. if u wanna talk hit me up here [email protected]
>>23938436
[email protected] send somethin here if u dont wanna post it here
Anyone ever go thru benzo withdrawl aka hell?
>>23938480
already posted here: >>23938468
I don't mind posting in the wide open, any contact from anyone is appreciated
>>23938472
its ok. we are here for you
>>23938478
The Stranger is sitting literally two feet away in my pile of books to read this summer. But I haven't even touched the pile.
The whole idea of reading lately has seemed grossly unappealing. I'm not really sure why, except to guess that reading doesn't distract from the inner workings of my brain the way other activities do, and the idea of being alone with just a book and my thoughts seems agonizing.
>>23938494
I can relate to that actually. Feels good to do busy tasks and not be forced to brood on the feels right? Though, sometimes a book can be so captivating that the feels will go away. Perhaps try reading it with that mindset?
>>23938489
saw ur post to late
need to fix my phone gonna add you in a sec
>>23938502
That advice is the equivalent of saying "Have you tried not being unhappy?"
If I could just switch it off, I wouldn't be in this thread.
>>23938526
Good point. What kind of stuff makes you happy, anon? Anything?
>>23938540
Like I said earlier, I've got this vague idea that some degree of companionship makes me happy.
All my happiest memories are just, you know, fucking around with my friends when I was in high school or whatever.
From a very young age, I bought into the idea that money can't buy us happiness. Consumerism is stupid. Owning stuff will never make me happy. It's the deep, meaningful bonds we form with people that make life worth living.
Well I've got fuckall in the way of bonds with people. Everyone is just awful. Seriously, fuck everyone.
>>23938564
I sympathize with you. All my life I have never deeply connected with anyone. I feel like what I want most is to be understood. Though, I do not know the solution to this. I'm trying to make connections at this very moment and it's not working out that great.
>>23938570
I can deal with not being understood. I, like most people I would assume, am deeply complex. It's reasonable to not understand.
But fuck, I wish someone would try.
Except not because everyone I meet are mind-numbingly stupid assholes.
>>23938595
Do you think there is a place where people are generally not stupid assholes? I'm thinking about moving to spain, the people there seem a lot nicer.
>>23938611
No. And this is one of the things that makes me deeply, deeply upset about humanity.
I need out of the United States. At risk of turning this into a political shitstorm, I can't in good faith continue to sit here and be apart of the wealthiest nation on Earth that refuses to give its people healthcare. I can't continue to stomach seeing people go bankrupt from having heart attacks, people refuse cancer treatment because they don't want their loved ones to have to handle the bills. I can't live in a place where you're better off dying in a car crash than living through one.
Are people nicer in Spain? I don't know much about Spain. But I'm seeing UKIP grow in the UK and France destroy their people's reasonable work week. The tentacles of oligarchy know no borders. The only future that doesn't seem totally hopeless to me is to go full innawoods until I die. It's awful.
>>23938629
You sound like a fellow comrade, comrade. I want to go live in spain because there are a lot of leftists there. Though I've also considered becoming an insurrectionist in athens, that seems like a comfy place full of nice people as well.
>>23938611
I think for the most part you are going to find people are the same everywhere you go. They may hide it better but they will still treat you like shit and many of them will be morons.
>>23938642
Eh, I think politics are cancer. I don't claim to have all the answers. There is certainly no political cause I believe in enough to die fighting for. But it kills me to watch people suffer for absolutely no reason.
Then I remember they were probably assholes and probably deserved it. I suppose that helps a bit.
>>23938658
That's a pretty good mindset desu. Well I mean, until you become the victim of patriotism implants or a genocide or something.
I been depresed for been ugly and hate myself since I was 13 and now I'm 24 and the stigma doesn't go away. I made a friend a cute girl and we were friend for 7 years, managed to be couple in those year but she dumped me for.......guess what, been ugly, literally destroyed my heart and I want to die so badly
>>23938642
sry my phone is so fukin shit
can i add u somewhere else?
>>23938671
tox: AF00206B2DF62664F4AA34BD3340CDDDF6405F00DFC61F0A370C04C04874101E5C2E32ACD6DB
>>23938666
I said political cause. I am more than willing to fight for self-defense.
>>23938675
EF8332293D3659E4DFBE492B021518ECDAE4A4F333E98B975E39991017C49F6BFBE904DC43CE added ya
I often get depressing thoughts but never share them with others. I view myself as an awkward ugly social outcast who doesn't fit in with no hope of getting a gf. I have way to much anxiety about social situations and think of fantasies of where the only way to be noticed and missed is for me to die or something tragic happen and yea don't know what else to say on here so yea
>in 2014
>had a gf of 2 years
>she invited me over with promise of kinky sex things
>spend night with her
>next morning gets me charged with sexual assault
>life completely ruined
>still dealing with legal issues in 2016
>been depressed and insane ever since.
>still no idea why she did this to me.
>feels like i died that day and have been in hell ever since.
I could be doing better. Moved city a month ago and feel alienated and listless. Very little drive to make games and practice creative disciplines. Anybody still hanging around?
26, dude, NZ
>>23938882
Depression, OCD, and severe social anxiety here. Was just put on Paxil 2 days ago, tired and stomach is all fucky.
I've smoked weed daily for the last 2 years attempting to self-medicate and it ended up working against me in the long run, these last 2 days have been extremely boring and dull due to not being stoned, but it's for the best.
I've posted a couple times in the past month. I don't know if I can keep going.
34 , armyvetfag, after all the shit in the army I come home and find this beautiful life. It was so perfect. Her crazy magically aligned my crazy so that we were both functional. We had dated as kids, she went to college and I went to the army. We wrote , kept in touch. When I came home we just needed each other. Four years blink by. Bliss erodes time. It's September 14 and we are preparing to have a son. I remember the day before , I was so happy. I was that cheeses douchebag at work that tells everyone how beautiful life is. It's almost comical how utterly naive I was. I remember talking to my boss, actually telling him " have you ever just sat back and thought how lucky you are? If you asked me tens years ago if I'd be going home to Lilly and my almost son Alexi, I'd never believe it."
I get home and somethings wrong. We go to the hospital. We lose the baby. Seven months and nothing could be done. I remember the silence driving home. We didn't hold hands. We didn't sing to the radio. We decided ( being former addicts ) if anything was a reason to get back on heroin , this was.
Flash past the highs and lows. The constant cycle of score, use, sick, score. We barely ever talked about Alexi. I see that now.
New Years 14. One minute we are both fine , just rigged up awaiting the ball drop. The next minute she's gone. All I could do was watch as the life left her.
So here it is , the crux if you will. It's two years later almost. The only people who know she's dead are her parents and her family who live out of state. I never told my family or my coworkers. I'm still on heroin. Everyone thinks I go home to my beautiful girlfriend and my perfect newborn son. In reality I go home to an empty studio apartment. It's mostly empty, I have a mattress , her little dining table she mad, and an incomplete crib. I bought a pistol. I just don't have the balls to use it yet. I hate myself.
>>23939145
Cont...
I just thought that after going through all the horrible shit in my life, once I was with her it was finally over. She was the most beautiful perfect woman ever devised by nature. Me? I'm just some jackass who was never good enough for her. But I tried , she made me better. She made me want to be better. After all the horrible shit I've done , all the horrible shit I am , why couldn't I have died? It's not fair. I know I'm childish for thinking that , hell im childish for posting this. I just can't keep doing it. Everyday I go to work , I have to make up some excuse why we can't go do stuff, why my mom can't come see the baby. I've had to invent a fake argument with my own mother just so I can pretend I don't want her near my son. I go home and just cry and drink and blow through enough smack to drop a horse. Since I bought that pistol it goes under my chin every night. I beg for the strength to just fucking end it. I don't know if I believe in gods or Devils. But either way it's a win. Either there's an afterlife and I can be with them again , or once I finally grow balls and pull the trigger it will finally be over.
alternative metal, ambient, atmospheric black metal, atmospheric sludge metal, avant-folk, avant-garde metal, black ambient, black metal, blackgaze, dark ambient, dark cabaret, dark electro, dark folk, darkwave, death doom metal, death metal, depressive black metal, djent, doom metal, drone metal, ebm, electro-industrial, electronic, experimental, folk metal, funeral doom metal, futurepop, gothic metal, industrial, industrial hip hop, industrial metal, industrial music, industrial rock, industrial techno, martial industrial, melodic black metal, melodic death metal, neoclassical darkwave, neue deutsche härte, nordic folk music, nu metal, pagan black metal, post-hardcore, post-industrial, progressive metal, rap metal, sludge metal, technical death metal, traditional doom metal, visual kei
>Skype
la.furra.darketa
>Spend 2 years saving money to move to england and marry girl
>Visit 6 different times, for a total of 4 months
>Two weeks before I move there
>Calls off wedding, she's been sleeping with her ex for over a year
>It's now 3 years later
>Been in the mental hospital 4 times
>Was in prison for a year
>No hope, no prospects
hopefully the next attempt goes well
I work at mcdonald's and I hate my life, I can hardly support myself and I can't get a better job because I have no car or any way to get to school. My life is at a dead end and I'm only 19. I wish I could figure out what I did to make my life so horrible. ;_;
>>23939226
for the love of god do not add this person. your username will be spammed into like 100 different random group chats and your skype will blow up forever until it crashes. I learned the fucking hard way
>>23932665
i wish i hada morea friends, life is smell
>>23932665
I'm 24, male. NEET. Trying my hand in the stock market but I can't control my emotions(bipolar) and I tend to make 4-8k, profit but then next week i lose it all. Been doing that for a few months. I'm at break even again.
My fiance of 5 years broke up with me a month before marriage. She left the country and blocked me saying she doesn't love me.
I'm balding, have no friends whatsoever, except for that ex that broke my heart, we chat sometimes. She treats me like her doormat saying she loves me etc, but just keeps me around to listen to her shit desu.
Unless I can make money soon I'll probably run away and kill myself in the middle of nowhere soon.
I see no reason to live, except maybe getting money to pay hookers around the world. Beyond that it's all just stupid shit.
I'm so alone.
I'm 19,always had problems with my emotions and thought process and don't really know what to do with myself at any point in time.
Well, there was a brief year and a half I thought I had at least an idea of where I wanted to be. I started to feel encouraged to make moves in my life and strides to get better.
Long story short, relationship ended and I was alright for a while, but then loneliness kicked in and my mind just went back to being shit because I felt like I'd lost all help I've ever had.
Now I just feel like I'm sitting around all the time and I'm a waste of space, and even with people I currently associate with, none of it feels like it matters. Because as soon as I'm back in my house, I feel a little worse every day.
What do I do to make myself feel better or feel like I am not a waste of space? Like what is there I can do that I might be able to get the will to do, so I feel like I can actually have a future and not be so strung up over a person because they seemed to be the only one to help me?
>>23938759
I have similar thoughts, you're not alone anon. It's like my mind is wired to just always want to be a victim. It sucks
M/26/Major Depression for 15ish years
I finally got a decent job after almost 2 years. But I spend all day dreading the moment when my co-workers discover how unsocialable I am and turn on me.
The same thing happened in my last job. My co-worker became angry with me because I never communicated with her and often found reason to become angry and report me. Even explaining to her that I have depression and cannot express emotion nor can risk expending the little energy I have talking helped.
It typically happens when female co-workers as they take it personally. Men don't give a crap if you don't talk to them, as long as you get your work done.
Can anyone else here just physically not cry anymore. When I'm really sad I just don't cry anymore, it just feels like there's a weight on my stomach that I can't do anything about. Fuck being depressed.
>>23932669
Don't call her out on that, unless you're sad to be a guy.
>>23932815
>>23932847
I'm an artist and would like to see your work, also how are you an alchemist?
>on meds for depression and anxiety
>helped up to the point i'm more dead inside than i was the last time
>numb, unmotivated, bored out of my mind
>contemplating suicide
>the meds numb down all negative feelings so it doesn't feel like i'm actually being serious when i think of suicide
>pc is broken
>can't play any games but listen to music or browse around on 4chan, youtube or steam
>purged my whole steam friend list since the friends i had just made me feel like literal shit all the time
>made a few more friends on there but they barely talk to me
>half (if not more) of the steam community apparently hates me and thinks i'm either an asshole or manipulative sociopath
i just want to live a chill and laid back life with a little group of friends or something that are also chill and don't mind talking about anything and don't just create drama out of nowhere, is that too much to ask for? -w-
bump it up guys
>>23939026
Smoking definatly helps why stop? I didnt like paxil.. on celexa now and it helps... keep smoking
I feel like stabbing myself at the heart
>>23943074
Wanna become friends anon
I've been manic depressive for many years. Can't sleep, but can't fall asleep. Horny as fuck but don't have the energy to go hunting for a date. Keep distracting myself with unobtainable goals, only to give up and fall deeper into dismay. It feels like every time I bottom out, its a little farther than the last.
Male, 21.
Broke up with fiance and sort of feeling like I won't find anyone as good down the line.
Indecision, hooo
>>23945977
hey i don't see why not, are you using steam or anything?
i hate myself and i wanna die what's up
>>23932847
>Now i feel lucky i went thru all that shit.
Because that makes me realize i don't
accept mediocrity of life like a robot.
Fucking this - I was in school, but decided that isn't the life I wanted and am now focusing on music, at least temporarily.
You come out stronger on the other side anons - I was on meds and got diagnosed with depression and GAD- I feel like a different person coming out on the other side, I barely have any memories from some of the years a few years back as I was deeply depressed and all I focused on was functioning on any level at all.
Sorry if this is an incoherent ramble- it's late. What I want to say is that it does get better anons even if you won't believe me
22 M KHV, clinically dianosed depression. Drunk. Tired. Work in the morning. SO tired. So lonely. Just needed for someone to know. I love you, 4chan, tonight. Only 8 more years until I can kill myself. Or until my parents die.
>>23938882
what the fuck
why does this shit happen
do women do this to make men afraid of sex?
i would be really depressed right now, but they got me on venlafaxine, and that shit is awesome. anxiety and anti depressants mixed, mmmh. i feel like I'm winning life, but all I've done today is watch netflix.
>>23938882
kinda makes you never want to trust another woman again, but despite all that the only thing you want is a relationship.
how fucked is being human?
23/m clinically diagnosed as depressed 4 years ago and currently seeing a psychiatrist and also on medication.
I'm not sure it's a vent thread or anything but fuck it here's some of whats gotten to me lately
>1 friend
>other friends were pretty selfish and self involved, even on one occasion forced me into a situation where i almost died, have cut contact entirely
>gf that does love me but is 0% sexually driven towards me and literally just masturbates constantly
>also sexually frustrated understandably
>no job for almost 5 years
>involved in the arts but no good at it which annoys me
>my GP is sick of me and is just telling me to get over everything
>family doesnt know about depression or anything at all
Every day is honestly a struggle. My only escape is through books and music.
I fantasize about dying. I've never actually gone to be diagnosed, because I feel that would cause strain with my family and relationships. Also a big reason I can't kill myself because I know everyone that knows me would think it was their fault and would ruin their lives.
So now I just draw and do what best distracts me. Right now I'm just watching a movie with my mother before I pass out. How's everyone else?
Oh yeah, and m/23/816
hiii everyone this message is to all of you that contributed with a text.
First let me introduce my self, i'm alone very alone, and when i say alone i mean alone in the sence that i actually choose to be alone my self, but then again my alcohol abuse the last 30 years have helped with removing the last of my good friends, they simply got scared and tired of me.I had many good friends that i really liked being around,. and i today miss very often and what we had together, when this is said, i see a person or 2 in my life that i don't call freinds but just old people from my old life i visit ones awhile and say hello and we have a few beers, nothing serious here. both the boozing or the fake freindship. they both find me a bit anoying and want to control me when it comes to my addiction to weed and alcohol telling me when to stop and such... i have often been thinking about just letting them go also and completly stop visiting them,...
some "old freinds i really miss alot" and i'm pretty sure they will never take me back no matter what, they find me to insain and a too dangerous person withc i also am both for my self and other people around me.
now let's jump to the family and girlfreind situation, I had a family ones,,,, they also find me dangerous and dead anyoing and both dad. mom escapes when they can from their appartment. and they are litteraly never home. but most of the time traveling or on a holiday or with their own freinds.
my dad is a real fucking shithead to be frank i hate him and his personality and when im with the both of them, i try never to get eyecontact or speak as little as possible with him. so mostly i just visit my mom when he is out and away. sometimes i can actualy speak a little good with him but it is very rarely and it last for about 10 min no ´+no girlfreind + haven't had any pussy for 17 years constant suicidal and never goes anywere life is stink
contiuned......then after 10 min good chat, he has a short brain mailfuntion and returns to hes old egocentric autistic idiotic martyre-like self and contiunes with the terror against my person fuck i hate him. i often with he will just die so i can inharite the little money the owns, but then again it's childish thoughs but i don't think i have actually ever loved him since my early teens were we had this violent fight and i got beating surverly hard and also kicked his ass later by through and astrey in his head so had togo to the hospital also i stole his car amoung 1000 of stuff i did wronly when i was a teen. as i see it they consider me out of the family (the blood is dead) and feelings are dead. + it was 50% my own fault´+addictions to alcohol hard drugs and weed and being a criminel.
the brother situtaion. i had a broher ones but after one night were i treaten him by sending and email to him and his shit wife he dragged me to court and i had just already been to court the year before for hammering my fist into this old drugusers face for not leaving my appartment when i told him to. because he was retarded and on pills and alcohol and would not respect me. then he calls the cops and i end up in jail 19 hours. after they beat me up (ofcourse) because i resisted arrest! and treatens these two asshole cop with dead treads. (the old friend i smashed on his nose died not long after this) thank good and i never miss him even i lie to his other old freinds and say i do.!!hahaha anyhow my brother and shit witch wife loosing in court and i go free with a mild sentence just to work for red cross for a month and i walk out laughing right in there faces and i have only spoken to him a couple times since. they escaped long long way from our old city because his wife and childreen are dead affraid of me and if i will revenge this. but i wont he has suffered enough and the punisment to lose a brother even it were him who dreew first blood is hard enough.
the end.
>>23945892
Developed even worse anxiety symptoms from smoking so often. Weed isn't a magical cure all, and is actually very dangerous in those with certain anxiety disorders as it may potentially lead to full blown schizophrenia. That is a fact.
im 21 and i hate my life. im literally worthless. i cant do anything in life except appear to be smart, even though im not. ive never even dated anyone or had any relationships because im either fucking shit, or diagnosed autism; im not sure which is worse. I have noone to talk to about how shitty i feel and everytime i try, i just f eel like an asshole for bitch and complaining./
the only two times i experianced any thing close to love or rommance, it blew up in my face.
all i want is pour my heart out to someone and/or feel wanted. im so alone in the dark.
sorry for the shitty downer post in advace.
sorry for the depressing af post in advance
im 21 and i hate my life. ive done nothing in my life worthwhile. the only thing im good at is making other people think im smart and alienating people. I'm worthless in most ways.
ive never even dated anyone.
all i want is to our my heart out and feel wanted or important.
prob gonna kill myself as soon as i find an easy way.
rip the extra post. cute lapidot as apologies
My girlfriend and best friend of 10 years dumped me yesterday because I din't believe in god.
All I want is a serious gf. I dont care about looks or distance, I want something serious and long term and I dont know how to find it.
It fucks with me every day that I will never have someone love me.
Who else /deadinside/ here?
02:41 a.m. on my country.
im pretty sure im the only anon on /soc/ from my country.
i just had a long day.
Was supposed to go out drinking wit my friends tonight for reasons of my birthday but everyone bailed.
i also made the brilliant decision to fall for a girl with a bf (i mean. You dont dream a lot of one person for no reason right?) And she also bailed so i got home and im currently deleting and pondering if jerking off will make me feel better or not.
If only you people knew a thing about real spirituality. Then you could be depressed but still know without a doubt there is hope. In fact there's more than hope, divine realization is your current condition. You should still be able to believe your illusion but still know without a doubt that it's just an illusion And no I really don't mean to sound condescending if I do. Endless blessings.
I'm in between perpetually drunk and depressed. More of the former right now.
Been on Zoloft for a few weeks now for severe anxiety and depression.
It doesn't do anything but make me feel dead and want to sleep all the time.
>>23947040
had my first gf at 23. The girl was 22 and also a virgin.
There's hope dude. You sound just like me, and like me you've probably got a few more tough years ahead of you. The toughest thing is realizing no one will ever understand the "real" you and it will remain painful and awkward to accept being loved for what you aren't. But you'll toughen up, and you'll settle for it.
Love is profoundly humiliating among other things. I'm certain that you have been loved whether you realized it or not. Learning to recognize it will be your struggle.
