>Let's get a depression thread started.
Share what's troubling your mind, or atleast have a chat with someone. I for one hate being alone and feeling worthless.
I'm going to fail out of med school, my parents are splitting, my girlfriend left me for my best friend whom I considered a brother and I have resorted to abusing prescription narcotics to get through my days. Not looking for a pity party but I just wanted to vent because I don't know if I'll be alive next month.
>>23839764
What meds are you taking?
I just got off opiates a couple months ago after many years, it's super depressing.
>>23839797
Xanax and vyvanse to keep me somewhat able to make it to class even though I end up missing most. I take anything I can get my hands on if it fucks me up. Been using oxy a lot....
Job is terrible, working there 2.5 years with no increase in wage despite big increase in responsibility. Constant empty promises etc
Also only two months dumped. He messaged me today out of the blue with something very painful but somewhat ambiguous.
Heart is broken. Mentally exhausted. Recently diagnosed with depression.
got raped last year and ended up getting bpth herpes and genital warts and now I just think no one will ever accept me. I never had anything going for me before. looks or personality
that's not everything going in. everything in my life is shit but I feel this is the worst. Like, it's taken away my chance of ever being loved or being happy
>>23839814
Ouch man.
I was taking 300mg+ of oxy a day. It's a bitch if you withdrawal.
It's hard when you don't have anyone to talk to who truly knows you. I hope things get better and you don't make a habit out of prescriptions.
>>23839841
Yep. Living completely alone has kinda given me some issues with coping. I am lucky enough to not get w/d much but ive had them and I didn't think I'd survive.
>>23839764
I'm failing my nursing studies.. So I guess I know how you feel. I've been using speed a lot. Keeps me a bit more.. Manic.
>>23839867
Yep, I've been very very very paranoid lately to the point where walking outside im constantly checking over my shoulder. I live in a nice area too. It's like hell on earth.
>>23839857
You can always talk to me anon :3
Just always remember drugs or meds will always make it worse in the long run.
I took codeine today and it makes me feel really depressed for taking it. At least you're going to school though, just finish that shit.
>>23839878
I wish I could beat some sense into you, but you'll do as you please I matter what.
>>23839885
I was a product of the ADHD gen. I've been on speed based medicine since like grade 3. I'm well aware of the toll it's taking on me but I just cant go cold turkey. I lost 65 lbs from Jan last year to Jan this year just from not eating much due to the shit. Why'd you want to beat sense into me for that? I get paranoid when I'm sleep deprived and on drugs.
>>23839897
Ah, I see.
I knew lots of people like that. I meant the abuse of opiates and stuff, I don't wish it on anyone.
You need a new gf or best friend, easier said than done when you feel this way though. I feel emotionally detached from anyone I meet or know since being sober, so it's out of the question.
I'll just wallow in my sorrow desu.
>>23839924
I am totally devoid of empathy.. I can't find friends and while I can get girls if I try I feel no attachment whatsoever. I ended a 4 year relationship for no reason other than I felt she was just being an annoyance, looking back on it she kept me kind of.... human.
>>23839946
Holy shit, are you me?
I ended a 7 year relationship for pretty much the same thing, it was a horrible decision. She was the only thing holding me together. I cheated on her to seal the deal so she wouldn't come back.
It has to be abandonment issues or something. Gotta cut the ties before someone hurts me.
>>23839977
Yeah...it was a spur of the moment decision, she had said something about me being so self centered and I lost my top. I completely ghosted her and when I finally saw her in public I acted like I didn't know her. I'll likely never have someone who was as in love with me as her. Not that I care much....
First time I actually considered suicide today, nothing in particular caused it just one moment I realized how sick I am of being here.
>>23839946
>>23839977
Quite a coincidence. My relationship lasted 3 years, for the same reason. But that was a while ago. From now on I've been able to 'attract' girls. Apparently I'm interesting for seeming so distant and cold. Never bothered to see any of them a second time. But now it's because I can't stand to actualy build something up, just to be a disapointment later on. It sucks, because I do feel lonely as hell.
>>23839764
Kill him before you kill yourself, don't let that guy live while you're dead.
>>23840049
I'd rather leave this world without making any more problems than I've already left.
>>23840049
Great advice.. Someone already feels horrible and don't want to be an annoyance to anyone around them, so yeah.. Sure.. They'll atleast kill someone.
>>23840025
It's OK man. That's pretty normal. It doesn't mean you are going to do it, it just means you have a problem that you can't see your way through right now.
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>>23840258
what is this?
I'm a v*rgin :(
Been in a relationship for 11 months with my 1st girlfriend, loved her so much. Moved country to study after 3 months of relationship, she was gonna come after finishing her studies... I used to go back to my homecountry and stay with her. In the last months the relationship became shit... I started feeling too stressed because of my situation with the group I work with at uni ( I have shitty groupmates), so I started being more nervous everyday (I also have problems with managing anger)... I had some episodes where I insulted my gf (like bitch etc)... Of course I immediately asked her to forgive me and she did... After doing so we passed some queit months, I totally stopped insulting her... Then she started insulting me when she was nervous but I understood her but I asked her to stop as I stopped too... After the last discussion I started insulting her again, then she decided not to continue the relationship with me.. I told her about my anger problems and she understood as she had them some years ago too (but solved them)
She decided to remain close to me, after some days she noticed that I was srarting to be calm and nice, she was impressed... Then suddenly a day tells me she cant take anymore and the day after she blocked me from all socials and on her phone, after promising me she'd be close to me whatever happened... I felt like dying...
Well, now it's all over but I still can't believe it... Also I need to add that she is quite weak and I think her mother (who's wicked and evil, she treats her like shit and laughs when she cries) convinced her to leave me... Sorry for not adding paragraphs and writing all this... I'm on the phone and it's too small for me to organise what I write...
I just needed to vent... I feel like dying, the only good thing is that my mom can help me in these situations and always helped me going on
>>23840323
Also forgot that living alone with little to no social interactions (even if I tried) led me to the angry person I am now... Luckily I'm trying to see the good things in life, even if her leaving me left me like an empty shell... Hell, I don't feel anything anymore, I can't even feel physical things like cold or whatever... I don't know what's with me
>>23840323
am sorry anon. i understood you very well. what a shame, i hope she gets back to you but dont sit around waiting, busy yourself the pain will cease in good time, i wish all the best for you my friend and hope you will get past this hurdle
godspeed
>>23840338
dont think like that! take care of yourself you idiot, do it for your loving mother if not for yourself. at least you have a mother that you very much love, imagine what your girl must think of her mom.
live your life and things will pull together, they always do
>>23840323
>I suffer having had a gf
You'd die if you hadn't had anyone
My dad has an inherited version of familial MND (ALS) that me and my siblings have a relatively high chance of inheriting when we're older. I'm honestly not sure if i'm more afraid of him dying, or becoming like him before I finally kick the bucket.
>>23840346
>>23840353
I really appreciate your words, thanks..
And yes, for the first 4-5 days I didn't eat (and I'm 183 cm and around 67 kgs, so imagine me not eating for days)... But now I started eating again and I feel less pain... Still knowing that she'll never return to me hurts a lot... I tried my best to make her understand how much I loved her, but her mother's influence is too strong with her... Still I don't understand how can she trust her mother who she hates (literally) and not trust the only guy that truly loved her (I was the 1st serious bf for her). Time to move on I guess
>>23840358
You feel depressed because you're a virgin, at least you didn't feel the pain I felt when the girl I loved most left me with little to no logical reason and she blocked me from everything, preventing me from even trying to contact her again. I'd prefer being virgin again than suffering like a dog
>>23840323
>>23840338
Ah shit. I'm sorry to hear that Anon. It's normal that at some point you'll stop to feel anything. Emotional or physical. Just some weird error/block in your brain. I've had it as well.. It's actualy the reason I've started to hurt myself, because I wanted to feel something, so badly. I've cut myself, burnt myself, bruised myself. Once I broke my own finger.
I hope you'll make it through.
>>23839699
I came for the pussy and that's what i've got
thank you very much OP
>>23840785
The only pussy you'll ever see ;)
Because instead of love being the goal it seems to be about finding whats wrong with it. I thought this new jacket would protect me from the rain but I'm soaking wet. I tried so many on before I took this one but its already too late to get a refund so I'm stuck with this shitty new coat. It takes two to make a relationship but only takes one to let it die so lets continue to dry, together not alone though separated by mountains we'll just fly. You tell me my heads in the sky but its been down here the whole time. Watch as it spins trying to wrap around your mind.
im too drunk to words right now sorry. Just throwing stuff out that I think could work together, saving it and then puttign them into other sequences
I'm about to jump in front of a train here in 30 minutes.
I'm not here to be talked out of it, i just wanted to leave some semblance behind somewhere. Nobody every gave a shit about me and thats how it will end. I wish people like me didn't have to exist.
>>23841143
I've been in the same position as you've been. I did almost jump in front of a train as well. I'm sorry it has come to this.
May I ask why you came to this decision?
>>23841143
hey man if it makes any difference, getting hit by a train isn't guaranteed to kill you, could be a real long and painful way to go. Why a train?
>>23841148
Health problems, poor as dirt, loveless life (not even a smile), i could write a paragraph but it would just be a pointless soapbox.
My father did the same so im going to go find him, he was the only one that ever cared.
>>23841163
Its my only option. I sincerely don't care if i sit in agony for 20 minutes before i kill over if it means i get to be out of here.
I just feel so inadequate to live. Dad left before I was born. Been in and out of my life ever since. Was in an abusive house with my step father for 10 years. Whole family is fucked, a lot of alcoholism, drugs and abuse. Failed most of school, barely have a job or friends. Live my life online because no one can really see me. I can't talk to people in real life. Severe anxiety, depression and BPD. I get a lot of voices in my head. I hate it though, it makes me feel as if i'm crazy. Currently in therapy and an appointment on Monday to start medication. Why the fuck am I alive though. I'm useless and with no purpose. I'm a fat fuck and a kissless virgin. Who the fuck wants that in their life and what is the point of life if i'm just a shell of a human. I got cuts all over my thighs and a few stab marks on my thighs too. I don't even know why I do it. It's just comforting and I hate it. It's getting to a point where I just want to scream and never stop until i'm finally dead. This doesn't even make sense anymore. I just want to be covered in blood, knowing that i have minutes left to live.
>>23841179
Man are you sober or are you on something? If you are, give it another night and tomorrow do something for yourself. If you aren't, please don't take anything because that would mean you're too deep and I have been at the edge of a bridge before getting ready to jump, I know how you're feeling. Although you don't seem like you want to be unconvinced so you will probably won't read this. Can I ask what city/town you're in? Also if you do decide not to hero add my kik, Spook_of_Duke . I usually use it for lewd things but I want you to know that if you don't go through, you have something you can vent to. Godspeed OP.
>>23841179
Where are you from? If I may ask?
>>23841215
>>23841238
Hopkinsville, KY. Absolute terrible place to live in modern times and i'm going to show people just how terrible.
>>23841250
Have you considered moving? I know you're poor. But I've done the same. Was in a terrible position. I just moved. Tried to start everything over. Surely, I'm probably failing my studies. But I'm the one to blame for that.
>>23841250
well I suppose I'll see you on the news. Sorry it has to end like this but if you truly believe it will end your pain....
Debating whether or not to jump tonight, and I just feel like an ass, because I know how shitty it is to have a friend die, and I finally have someone I actually thinks would give a shit if I jumped, and told him I'd call him if I did, but I'm just such a fucking fuck up and a burden, that I can't bear the thought of putting more of my shit on him
I think.. He's gone. Considering it's been 45 minutes later already, from his first post.
>>23841296
Why though? Also I'm pretty sure your friend would be less burdened with your problems than he would with your death
>>23841296
I know exactly what you mean. This friend of mine, she always notices when something is wrong with me. But I don't want to bother anyone with my problems.
>>23841315
Because it's easier to justify burdening someone with my death than it is burdening them with on going problems.
>>23841313
he did say he wasnt there to be talked out of it...
>>23840323
Goodnight
>>23841359
I'm aware, but it's still sad..
>>23841296
>>23841325
The way I see it, your friends probably don't think you're a burden or that you're burdening them, and it seems like they actually care for you, so they're probably happy to help if they can.
>>23841411
The problem, for me atleast, is that I know I won't be a burden.. But it feels like being one, and I keep thinking I am. I've had moments where I thought people just hang with me, because they felt sorry for me, out of pity.
>>23841418
I understand this to an uncomfortable degree
>>23841403
I understand but he was clearly not happy/in true pain. I don't know anything about him so it may change my pov on the subject but if he was in pain and unhappy to the point he committed suicide, he did what he felt he needed.
>>23841418
I know that feeling myself, but while obviously it's easier said than done, try to be rational about it and enjoy the company. Sure you have at least a couple of friends you know for sure aren't out of pity
Is loneliness a legit reason to be depressed? People keep telling me it's a common thing and that it's gonna pass and that there's people in worse situations out there. But I can't help it. I have to go about my day seeing all the normal people go about theirs with their pairs and smiles on their faces and when I think about never having had that all through my moderately long life it makes me feel so shitty about myself. What's wrong with me after all? I'm not that bad, I'm an average looking person, I can hold a conversation, I can look a person in the eye. I'm not a freak but I can't seem to step in the right direction when it comes to this. In these past few days the anxiety attacks have been more frequent and I'm involuntarily pushing people away because I can't stand their talks of relationships and active sexual lives. I feel like one of these days I'll have no one left, and then I'll finally snap. Anything to escape this daily torment that living has become for me.
>>23841435
There are plenty of reasons to feel depressed. Depression is when it influences your behavior and mood so badly, you're not capable of doing anything normally.
For me it has come to a point that anything troublesome can affect my mood. Even in such a way, it doesn't need a specific trigger. My mind is just going on doomsday thinking. Every bad thought I could possibly have, start to apear in my mind.
>>23840241
Nah it wasn't just like that, the urge was much stronger than usual. I often think about suicide but when I look back earlier today at that moment, I think I would've actually done it if I was just pushed a little bit. I'm not sure if I should be worried.
>>23841411
>>23841427
Even though I'm aware that they like hanging out for me for unknown reason, I can't shake the idea that this is all some elaborate fabrication made out of convenience to help pass the time and that they are just using me to make the day go by faster and they don't really give a shit about me. Granted, most of them do just that, but I also know a couple don't, but I can't shake that feeling
Never had a girlfriend, turning 19 next week. As my birthday approaches I feel myself getting sadder and sadder at the realisation that I'm still a virgin and showing no signs of progression. When I turned 18 I assured myself that "this is the year". At one stage I finally thought I'd done it. One night I made out with a girl I knew from HS and we talked as well, it just felt right. After a few weeks of back and forth messaging on Facebook I worked up the courage to ask her out. She agreed but seemed hesitant. A few days after that when I asked if she was still keen and when she was free she just replied with a stark "sorry, man" and that was it. I've tried tinder but I've literally got no matches since turning 18. Clubs don't work to well for me either. I either get too wasted and sloppily make out with a random girl that probably isn't attractive in the slightest and don't even talk to her OR I am not drunk enough and come off as a creep when I'm dancing near girls. The longer this goes on, the more I feel like I'm running out of time. I already feel that they can smell my inexperience.
>>23839841
holy fuck, your words hit me real hard in the stomach. I'm currently addicted to opiates and yea, its super depressing getting off. Especially when the one person you though you could lean on for support leaves you because she doesn't understand the difference between people making you happy and being reliant on someone to make you happy. Now there's nothing to get clean for because if your life was worth it, then why did you even start in the first place? Fuck, it was 2 long years before she came in and gave you a reason to try. I can see why she thought I was dependent on her, but I really wasn't. It was more like, I didn't feel like I was good enough for her so I had to make myself a better person because that's what she deserved. Unfortunately she hated herself and disagreed with me on these things. It sucks learning that you're not good enough to help the ones you love
>>23841476
You shouldn't say unknown reasons, you surely have a lot of good qualities, as a lot of other anons here, regardless of what they think or they've been told. Just work on it, it takes effort, but over time you'll be able to forget about it, or at least ignore it most of the time.
If you ever need to vent or talk about your problems with someone other than your friends I'm sure you can find someone either here or somewhere else to talk to, I don't know if maybe you go to therapy.
>>23841510
I'm 28% sure I know who you are
>>23841552
yea you're probably wrong
>>23841583
Hence the 28%
I hit gold on my first girlfriend years ago. Smart, ambitious, talented, hilarious and hot.
Now because of her, every single girl I talk to bores the shit out of me and I cant handle a relationship with them for more than a month of time before being bored out of my mind with them.
Plus I'm stupidly still good 'friends' with my first gf so its like a constant reminder of how much i like her more than other people. even though I know i can never have her back. Its thrown me into several depressive episodes with some really dark thoughts.
At least I start therapy next week yayyy
I used to camwhore and had made a video around 6-7 months ago, got leaked just a few days ago to my boyfriend through his ex friends in a fight + everyone in my personal life, family and school just found out about it. I don't know what I'm going to do, and because of it that people at my school will either try to jump me or rape me considering I live in a sketchy as fuck area.
>>23841656
>putting a bitch on a pedestal
>not being over your ex
lameass, grow the fuck up
I tried moving but shit blocked up and it didn't work. Even if I did, have a lot of medical shit happening right now and would be a lot to transfer. People at my school are already calling me the next bleach drinker. Oh joy, amirite?
>>23841677
oh I know I'm retarded for not being over her, and have made several attempts to move on. she just manages to find a way back into my life every time.
In fact I hate her half the time. Shes got too strong of a grip on my mind, so I finally decided to get help from a professional.
>>23839699
When I left the military I met a girl who was pretty crazy about me at first, but I fell in love with her and in lust with another girl at the same time, so I tried to have both at once
Didn't work out, but she stayed with me, but I can tell she never really forgave me
Plus, I kept pushing her away because I didn't want to admit to myself how much I loved her
Now she's gone, halfway across the country, and doesn't even talk to me anymore, and I can't help but feel like I fucked up my one chance at happiness with someone who could have been my soulmate
>>23841641
i'm just saying that considering how many people go on here, 28 is really high
>>23839699
This is going to be more of a rant, so please feel free to ignore.
Anyways, my health has been failing me for years now after two brain surgeries and I can't get rid of the chronic pain that came as a result of two major car accidents and lupus.
I'm addicted to pain medicine but if I don't take them (I can successfully wean myself off of them no problem) my pain gets unbearable and I can't function. Even when I'm taking them my quality of life is low, can't afford to get seen by all my specialists or afford most of my medicine, I can't work and disability is taking forever, my medical bills are outrageous and I'm only 23.
As a result of this I'm failing my classes. I also suffer from PTSD after having a gun pulled on me by my dad and getting hit by my brother while he was hooked on meth.
I was emotionally abused by my mom so I have issues thinking everything I do is wrong or things are always my fault. I'm terrified of change and the only thing keeping me going is the thought of helping other people but even then applying myself is hard.
I need to start living for myself but I don't fucking know how or what I'm supposed to do differently when depression has killed any desire or dream I've ever had of anything.
23/f
I suffer with moderate to severe depression and I mask it with my sexuality
I've been struggling aloto through highschool and I'm lucky that I'm graduating and getting my diploma because honestly I thought I wouldn't get this far. I've been struggling with alot of PTSD as I've been bullied since I was in 1st grade through sophomore year. Always in fights and alone with some friends that came and go. Been cheated one when I was 13 and almost became a father, and went through alot of exes tilll i got the right one now :). Almost committed suicide 3 times in 6th grade and high school due to excessive bullying and just being alone most of the time. I get angry alot by it and my parents don't do much for me other then just giving me money and not paying attention to me alot. All my siblings are older then me and I live alone with my mom and dad who don't get along no more,but I always tell people that just keep going and say fuck it when things go bad because you will always find a way to get out of that problem, because that's how success is made. I'm going to bootcamp soon and I'm afraid that my gf might cheat on me, but if she does yes I'd be sad, but I'm still young and if you're reading this. Don't worry you'll find the right partner one day :) if your single. If your young like me just have fun :) go to a club, talk to old friends and never give up on dreams. Now I got a new job :) and out of school. I'm just having my fun before I leave :)
>>23842270
at least you've had girlfriends man.
anyone /sh/ here?
Been depressed for months, somehow getting by in classes, and tolerating people. I can fake friendliness easy enough, but it's tiring as fuck.
I've been slacking in my responsibilities for a long time and I think it'll get worse. Along with that, I have never been in a relationship and I have no idea how to do so. Talking to people is something I don't like to do much because I can be awkward and step on landmines without knowing.
I've entertained several ways of killing myself, but I'm a stupid, worthless coward. I hate my family, even if they're far better than the abusive examples I see elsewhere. Physically, my needs are met easily enough, but the inside of my head is just fucked up.
I don't know what I'm doing with my life.
Fucks
I think in general it is going better for me after many years. but it is a very painful process right now. I got off antidepressants 3 months ago and now my uni semester is in full swing. and without meds it is all much more difficult for me. the thing is, I didn't make many friendships with my colleagues. and in the classes I take, there are no friends. no body knows me and I have social anxiety. I constantly think they can see how I feel and I get very pale and a tense face and don't manage to speak to anyone, so it gets worse and worse. before, I was protected by meds and my behaviour wasn't that abnormal. but now they notice. ok, I most probably exaggerate. but some things they do notice. that I am alone and something is off. I think my sick look scares them. I feel like it takes my honor away, feeling so vulnerable and exposed. also, I had to buzz my head and with longer hair and fuller beard I looked masculine and protected. like a dominant and healthy guy. well, I do have some friends outside of that classes, but I feel like it is nothing deep. no real comfort. and my grades dropped. that was always my protection. I still managed to get decent grades. but now I am tired of uni and can't concentrate and I feel jealous and inferior of the others. there are some people in class who are extraordinary personalities and that makes me feel very low...
>>23843240
I draw a lot lately
>>23839699
I have no income, I can't work, the government screwed me over and now I can't apply for disability because they make me go everywhere even though I have severe agoraphobia professionally diagnosed. I won't be able to afford rent in 4 days, my Visa that I've used to pay for food is also in really bad shape, the only people who care about me live in a different country and there's no way for me to get there to move there because I have no skills other than compassion
In general life is doing pretty well on paper for me. Full time job, place to sleep, food in my belly and pot in my lungs. Alas, life is still pitching me the same hardball of being massively bipolar. The small triggers turn me into a mania filled malevolent bastard that wants nothing but to burn every bridge around me, just for fun of course. I lie, I cheat, I steal, I preach against it. I am a shell of the thoughts within my own mind. Maybe if we lie to our self's we will become that in which we imagine. I don't know why I get numb, I don't know why I want to kill myself gleefully. It scares me; making me distance myself from myself in fear of the results. I want happiness for all for the happiness they show is the happiness I can manifest.
Remember, we are animals, Yes we think, Yes we are, Yes we are disillusioned control.
Keep on leveling up anons and going day by day. Time will give you new coping methods, and ways to blanket the pain of nothing.
I love you all /b/rothers and /soc/isters, Live for you because others wont live for themselves.
>>23841675
Shit. Carry a concealed weapon
>>23843543
you can always suck dick bby
>>23843543
Agoraphobia is hard, even replying on a website like this can cause extremes amount of anxiety; well I assume. I love you and believe that the small-extremely large part of you that wants to be more open and trusting will over-seed the fear. Also know that people are willing and happy to help you.
Everyone, People Are Willing To Help And Love You No Matter The Circumstance. I would, and the world is to large for only 1 of me to exist.
>>23841510
>you're not good enough to help the ones you love
In my experience, no one can help themselves except them alone.
Get clean for yourself senpai. It'll be better.
>>23843240
Start randomly going out to populated areas where people don't know you. Practice being a more social version of who you are. You just have to start it and you will finish it, don't push it off just go. You'll find new friends and adventures this way; while building up confidence to say what you feel without worrying.
>>23843735
I mean I really can't, it's illegal here to pay for that
>>23843781
thank you anon :(
I think I have an actual addiction to traveling.
Please don't get me wrong. I'm not a rich or privileged kid who's bouncing around to Europe and Southeast Asia on mom and dad's dime. I'm a university student who has been working at least forty hours per week since my freshman year to fund long-term trips here and there. I've been to Iceland, Istanbul, and India, and a whole bunch of places in between. I hitchhiked from London to Turkey. lived by myself in India for the better part of a year and a half, and was in Taksim Square when the Gezi Park protests erupted in 2013. I fell down a mountain in the Himalayas and have successfully pretended to be a Muslim in Iraq and Indian-administered Kashmir.
I also have a girlfriend of several years who wants me to be more stable. She earns $70,000 per year and has already graduated college. I love her a lot but I feel like there's a not-insignificant chance that I might have to give up one of the few things that really, really makes me happy to have a normal life. I also don't want to be a bum who roams all around the globe and burns resources while never creating anything of value. I'm trying to get my MBA. I want to work overseas in various places, but I'm sure my girlfriend wouldn't be down. I asked if she'd be okay with staying in India for a year or two and she said there wouldn't be much of a chance unless I was making tons of money (she's Indian herself but left with her family when she was four years old).
I passed up an opportunity to earn decent money learning Spanish and teaching English in Colombia for half a year. I also left India early this March instead of May because my girlfriend wanted me back, even though she'd initially signed off on both plans ahead of time.
I don't know what I should do. A lot of people who know me say things like "I'm living the life", but I feel like I'm fucking around and fucking up. I know some people would tell me to do what I want, but I genuinely love my girlfriend.
>>23843809
I'll also add in that every time I think I'm getting shit on track, I somehow get derailed. Best friend dies, blah blah blah.
