okcupid thread! post profiles, critiques, tips, experiences, stories, etc
>also this
http://www.bustle.com/articles/131299-9-mistakes-youre-making-on-okcupid
you guys know how they changed the profile layout? why isn't mine like that ;_;
>>23012307
I've had lots of luck getting dates. I thought I'd love playing the field, but I'm growing bored.
Met one really incredible woman who didn't want a second date because I was too recently out of a LTR for her. Been trying to just not give a fuck, but it's hard to go back to pretending to care about what happened on GoT and shit like that.
>>23012307
>An article written by a woman saying she's had success
Ignore literally all of it.
Got pretty lucky and met a guy that was perfect for me... on paper. His profile and the things he said about himself were great, but he moved waayy too fast. He never gave me a chance to get to know him and he treated me like I was a blow up doll girlfriend or some shit. He had it set in his mind before we even met that the relationship had to work no matter who I turned out to be and no matter if I liked him or not. He seemed pretty desperate. He was very touchy feely and wanted things too fast, so I had to end it just when it was beginning. Sucks, probably won't go back to online dating but I'mt trying to keep an open mind.
>>23012554
I think that's one of the flaws of OKC. You can know so much about someone that you forget to get to know them. I almost prefer the randomness of Tinder... if you can wrap your head around not getting invested in someone right away, there's a lot more mystery and discovery, and fewer expectations because you don't have all that information from which to draw assumptions and expectations.
What's touchy feely to you? I'm so timid that I have to force myself to brush a girl's shoulder or hand once in a while... took quite a few dates with no physical chemistry to figure out how to turn up the heat.
Did you raise your concerns? How did he react? I'm sure he was desperate, many men turn to online dating as a last resort. Approaching women IRL is not easy in 2015.
>>23012737
Yeah, I think if you're going to date online, do it somewhere where there can be some kind of mystery so you have to get to know them in person.
And he was touchy feely in a lot of ways. He talked a LOT about spooning, how he wanted to hold me constantly and wanted me on top of him. He also held my hand every single chance he got, even when my hands were greasy just after I ate our first date, and he kept holding my hands across the table and staring into my eyes really intensely, so it got kinda awkward. It was also pretty uncomfortable having to walk glued to his side because he always wrapped his arms around me. He would squeeze my leg sometimes in the car, and wanted me to sit on his lap once.
I kept telling him since the very first time we started talking that I wanted something slow physically, but he kept saying "I feel like this is going to go fast" and stuff like that. I broke up with him and we kept talking because I was genuinely trying to make it work by getting to know him as friends first, but he always made it romantic any time he could. He even told me he was having romantic dreams about me, and we'd only known each other about a week and met a couple times.
I know it's suuuper difficult to approach people irl, that's one of the main reasons I got online was because I'm shy and about a 6.5-7 physically. He was just dead set on the relationship working no matter what and he wanted to act like we'd already been dating for years. He was more desperate than average. This was my very first relationship, and I have to say it's made me a bit worried for the future lol. Men or women, no matter who I decide to date, I know I'm probably going to have to approach someone someday and it's going to suck. But hopefully it won't be as cringy as this first relationship.
>>23012737
>if you can wrap your head around not getting invested in someone right away, there's a lot more mystery and discovery, and fewer expectations because you don't have all that information from which to draw assumptions and expectations.
agree 100%
>>23012737
>>23012852
Regarding the "getting to know too much about someone" part of profiles, how do you find the balance of too much info and too little?
>>23012852
Oh fuck, yeah that's pretty cringey. There are dating guides for men out there that encourage pushing physical contact a little (but not that much)--I wonder if he was inexperienced and took the advice too far, or thought it would get you thinking about sex.
FWIW my women friends have told me plenty of horror stories originating IRL, so I don't think online dating is the issue (though OKC's information overload can cause people to get too invested). I don't think I was ever a creep about it, but I know I've had dates fall flat and I was kind of devastated because I went in thinking "this chick is so perfect, match on all the important shit".
>>23012909
I answer entry level sex related questions, but don't like getting deep into the kink shit. Honestly I just like to keep that private, and I've yet to be with a woman who wanted so something so fucked up that I couldn't indulge it.
Personally, I find the hardest thing to match with people on is values and ideas. Everyone likes "intellectual conversations" and "appreciates intelligence" and "always keeps their promises"--even chicks who haven't read anything besides twilight since middle school and cheated on their last three boyfriends. Self reporting stuff like that is full of errors and cognitive dissonance... maybe I should start a dating site for matchmakers, so bffs can arrange dates for each other haha. I find reading between the lines tells me more than the survey questions, aside from weeding out serious mismatches (which are generally pretty clear from photos too)
My essays are all pretty short, but I think they get my personality across. I seem to get good results. I had to slow down on setting up dates because I felt like I didn't have any time to myself. I don't get into heavy or serious topics, and never include anything negative unless it's a bit of light self deprecation.
Honestly, if a woman has a really long, intense profile, I usually skip it even if she's pretty... it reeks of narcissism and inflated expectations.
http://www.okcupid.com/profile/Really_Cool_Name?cf=regular
Not a looker, pics suck, I'm not photogenic and very few opportunities for "social" pics. With that said any help in general would be great. Never really been able to up the ante so to speak when I do get replies. Just general discussion of interest and turning in to just another guy that they understandably get disinterested in.
>>23013119
Get ready son, I just visited you.
Maybe talk about your work, even if it's some dead end retail gig. You focus a lot on entertainment, and even someone who shares your interests might take that to mean you don't have much else going on in your life.
>No amount of reality show contestant begging will change that.
No negative bullshit, period. Women are (rightly) pretty wary of anyone whose got some bitterness about dating right on their profile.
Don't let anybody to tell you to be self conscious about liking anime or anything like that, but I suggest changing up your look. I know it's you, and you shouldn't try to become someone you're not, but just getting a little more normalfagged up will help you in a lot of ways. Be a proud geek who dresses well, and lose the hat.
Your third pic is your worst, replace it. Preferably with something where you're smiling, doing anything active, or in a group of friends (even if you're playing D&D!).
Tell me what happens when you get replies? If a woman writes back, you always have a shot.
>create fake profile just to check around
>qt girls actually like the profile
the pic I chose it's not even attractive
what do I do now lads
>>23013119
Make it publicly viewable and I'll take a look-see.
>>23012949
I definitely had that same feeling when I went on my first date with him, knowing how well we matched and how perfect he was. I just feel like he had higher expectations than I did for a first date and he wasn't as interested in getting to know me as he was with wanting to lay in bed with me.
>>23012909
I think general information and talking about stuff you enjoy is good. Being yourself and letting your personality shine while giving some mystery is what you should shoot for. It's all personal preference though, if you want to be super up front with everything, some people are into that. I personally really enjoy getting to know someone, so I leave the mystery there for them to ask me about.
>>23012307
App comes to Lumia when?
>>23013336
catfishing is pretty fun I've heard, you might end up on that MTV show, try it out
>>23012547
Women will get attention, it doesn't mean success. Most friends of mine regularly deactivate because the attention is overwhelming and the matches are shit.
I'm a dude - OKC worked stupid well for me; I haven't really used it lately because I don't want to invest the time but I doubt it's changed. The tips that article gives are solid - it tells you what women want to see, and what they are looking for.
http://www.okcupid.com/profile/Diamond_Dog_Shit
https://www.okcupid.com/profile/Thoughtcouriers
Girls will check out my profile about 1/2-2/3 of the time after I send a message, but I very rarely get a response, and I don't ever get any first messages. The messages I send are usually about 5-7 sentences and I usually ask them a couple things based on what they put in their profile. Am I just not attractive, or is it something wrong with the profile?
>>23014316
exactly this, please pay attention
>>23013262
>No negative bullshit, period. Women are (rightly) pretty wary of anyone whose got some bitterness about dating right on their profile.
this, too. we can also sense bitter misogyny in your messages, too. being on a dating site when you clearly hate women is the biggest red flag
>pic related, just the most recent of many
>>23014316
Are you talking about the article the OP linked? It feels like that was just pretty basic knowledge.
How did you usually structure your first messages?
>>23014316
Yeah... the first time I tried OKC was a few years ago. I cringe at how shit I was at weeding out women.
>"angry girls" who just want to talk shit at men
>messaging women way out of my league or who I had nothing in common with
>women who are just windowshopping and might even have boyfriends, but will message you for weeks
>writing long, confessional messages hoping it would tug some woman's heartstrings
>fat girls who hide their body type with myspace angles and put their body type as "average"
I felt fucking awful... twice, I met with women who turned out to be really chubby and did my best to show them a good time, but I took one girl home and she cried because she knew I wasn't into her physically.
>>23014597
5-7 is kind of long IMO, but your results aren't unusual. The only first messages I get are from girls who are beneath my standards (usually because I accidentally swiped their profile).
Your profile is just too long I think. I'd pare it back to one shortish paragraph per entry. Frankly, women want to talk about themselves, not you.
You might be messaging out of your league a bit, which is ok, but you should expect fewer replies. You also put your nerdy hobbies front and center, which will get you stereotyped. Again, if it's a big part of your life, that's ok, just expect that some women will make unfair assumptions.
I don't breathe a word about my shelf full of D&D books--if a woman sees them, it means she's in my apartment, and there's a decent chance I'm inside her. But I don't consider it a major part of my personality.
I admit I'm too tired to comb your whole profile word by word, but you seem decent and your photos aren't bad.
>>23014732
I appreciate you looking at it. For the most part I only message girls that mention being nerdy on their profile too. Do you think I Should just shorten it to that and avoid specifics?
>>23014759
Mmm, I guess I wouldn't go on at length, but there's no need to be ashamed of it.
I find that the golden rule applies. You wouldn't mind a woman who enjoys soap operas, but you'd get a little tired of it if she made it a regular topic of conversation.
I've been out on the trail maybe six nights this year. But guess what, if I talk to an outdoorsy girl I'm "a big fan of backpacking". Sort of true, and I can back it up (I have the gear and experience to not make a fool of myself), but it's a little generous. Do you own a bike? Guess what, you're a cyclist who loves exploring the city--and if you have a cute girl with you, that'll be 100% true.
Don't limit yourself to just "nerdy" girls. Lots of people don't want or need a partner with similar hobbies. For LTR, values and temperament matter a lot more IMHO.
Glanced through it again--cut the last paragraph of your summary and trim your "interests" essay way back. The job stuff is great, I've found that really helped me up my replies. My women friends consistently tell me that they like a guy who is serious about his career or has passions outside of media and fandom (ie, creative hobbies).
>decide to look at my old profile from this summer that I used to hook up with this girl that I broke it off with late august
>tfw she visited my page a week ago
Reading what all these guys have to say confirms what I've thought all along, women want a guy to lie and play some type of game. There are many reasons why I'm a 29 year old virgin but this is a major one. I don't know how this game works and even if I did I'm not sure I'd be willing to play it. Why do women prefer the asshole that treats her like shit but says what she wants to hear over the guy that is honest, which means saying the wrong thing time to time, and respects her and listens to her?
>>23015130
did you even fucking read the thread. it literally disputes all your claims.
let me direct you to >>23014642 because that seems to be where you're making your biggest mistake
