Hello ladies and gentlemen, today we will be going on a quest to save some Princesses.
Our tale will open from the beginning. Please pick from the attached image the Knight you want to see go on this valiant effort.
First to 3 wins.
When asked to roll, roll 1d100.
>>50976
Cactus Knight ftw
Oh interesting!
I choose kobold knight
Or classic original. Priority on kobold tho
>>50976
>>47052464
Continuing my campaign for Peasant Knight from last night.
>>>/tg/47052464
Correction to my post above
I don't think it would be right to start something like this withouit using Sir Knight first.
>>50984
Seconding cactus knight
>>51016
Seconding Peasant Knight
I choose Sir Knight for maximum customizability and balanced stats.
>>51030
Ideally, I'd vote for Plunder Knight but I'll vote for Peasant Knight as my second choice if that's what necessary to not be a kobold.
>>51008
:)
Sorry.
That makes 3 votes Peasantry.
>>50999
>>51016
>>51030
One moment while I type up the intro.
>>51060
If you're wondering, I'll only trip post at the start so I can determine my ID. Or if I change IPs for some reason.
A day in the fields, much like any other, the lowly Peasant Knight is reaping his crop, always having dreamed of becoming "a true Knight." This day, however, was special. For you see, a carrier pigeon had just arrived at the poor bastard's hut in the middle of the vast Wheat field he tended for the Manor lord nearby.
Our Knight continued his sowing and crop tending well into the night, for he was unaware of this delivery, a parcel sitting upon his one wooden table in the middle of his hovel.
Exhausted from toiling from sunrise to well after sunset, he collapses onto his bedroll that night. It seems the parcel will wait 1 day more...
You may now roll to find out what happens in the morning. Best roll will be taken in a few minutes.
Rolled 4 (1d100)
>>51078
Rolled 65 (1d100)
Rolled 94 (1d100)
>>51078
cheg em
>>51116
In the email field put "roll+1d100" (Without the quotes)
Dice+1d100
>>51124
*"dice+1d100"
Rolled 90 (1d100)
>>51078
>>51125
It's "dice+1d100" in the Options field. No capital D.
>>51093
>94
The next morning dawns, our Peasant Knight, somewhat groggy dresses, planning for another day of toil in the fields.
But just as he was donning his outfit, a package upon his table caught the eye of this tireless field slave.
A simple package wrapped in brown paper, the stuff from a capital city.
Looking down upon it, our Peasant was most intrigued. Who would send HIM something?
Either way, a gentle finger plucked the strings and from the package, nothing came, except a voice.
"Heed this call, Knights of the land! Our Princesses have gone missing! The vile Dragon Princess has stolen them away and may soon EAT them! Take up arms and hunt down this vile beast in the name of glory, honor, wealth beyond your wildest dreams, and bitches, so very many bitches."
It seems we are being summoned. Shall we answer the call?
>>51139
RIDE VALIANTLY FORTH ON YOUR MIGHTY BATTLEMULE
>>51139
Prepare thy steel!
Rolled 84 (1d100)
>>51139
rolling to make a valiant pose to raise your spirits before making this grand trek!
>>51139
>so very many bitches.
Fukken sold.
Non shall stand before our self-taught techniques with a hoe!
Rolled 29 (1d100)
>>51139
Ready and polish our mighty Hoe and collect our shield.
We can't forget the to bring some food and coin too, there should be a wizard living nearby from who we can arrange transport for our quest.
>>51159
Your hoe, the only tool you have ever known, sits alone in the corner of your dirt hut. Taking it up, it may have seen better days, but there's nothing a little duct tape and Peasant Magic can't fix.
>>51170
"Today... is the day... I LIVE!" A strike upward causes you to bash a hole in your roof. Nothing a little duct tape can't fix.
Your resilience is no less admirable.
>>51153
A quick look outside actually reveals a real Wizard sitting on a cart, cross-legged, his exceptionally hair legs showing, he's old as hell without a doubt. Hitched to the cart is a single mule that looks like it's on its last legs, ready to keel over.
"Hey. I got you a cart. Don't fail us now, you little shit." And poof, he's gone. A note on the cart reads "This cart can only hold 4 things besides the owner. Have fun." But you can't read it, so you just pocket it, thinking it's some kind of spell.
ROLL AND RIDE FORTH INTO THE DAWNING DAY
>>51139
Time for dragon-ass kicking
>>51197
The voice came from the box, that seems pretty magical to me.
Now lets go get that lazy wizard.
Rolled 56 (1d100)
>>51221
To glory!
... Do we know how to read a map?
>>51221
Ah yes, a spell powerful enough to smite a dragon. And a mule and cart, no less. All for no price. This man must be of the kindest of wizards.
We should make haste, lest we return before the crops falter!
>>51221
Lets find the princes
Rolled 22 (1d100)
>>51252
Forgot my roll
>>51245
Nope! Nobody knows where the Dragon Princess' lair is either.
Nor do you have a map, for that matter. Just some stale bread, fresh bread, and well-water for a week.
In the end, however, you set forth. Nothing can possibly go wrong with fate on your side!
You trundle along, there are a myriad of other Knights in similar situations you see as you pass through the nearby town.
A number laugh at you with your wooden shield, hoe, and sauce pan helmet.
Either way, a short trek leads you into the Bleak Forest, little light shines here among a dense canopy of foliage.
Roll now lest you be eaten by a Grue.
Rolled 86 (1d100)
>>51292
Show them that valor is not measured in steel, but in the blood of fiends!
Rolled 50 (1d100)
>>51292
we have no fear
Rolled 14 (1d100)
>>51292
What the fuck is the point of rolling anyway? It's not like you're using it.
Rolled 57 (1d100)
>>51292
So... what are the bands here.
What number do we fuck up on.
All our rolls are either a critical success or fail so... We gonna find a mean for the roll we make and go with that number?
>>51349
Presently, 40 to 60 is a neutral roll in most cases. Above or below is a critical success or failure. There's a few outlier cases based on your stats, however.
>>51311
"Blood and rust, I shall rend you all in twain!"
You proclaim, remembering it from a book someone read to you once many years ago.
The darkness seems to physically ebb. No doubt, the demons here believe your threat.
Your mule, unerred, trundles on, following the only path through the wood.
A long time passes, several days about, before you finally emerge out of the darkness, your call seems to have kept you safe the whole way.
The forest gives way to dry plains, a mixture of sand and scrub grass. Just ahead on the right of the heavily worn path, a gift basket sits, slightly buried in the sand.
Do you stop to take it? If so, roll as well.
Rolled 22 (1d100)
>>51402
Does the gift basket have a nice ornamental bow?
if so TAKE THAT FUCKING THING! ONLY A FOOL WOULD WASTE A PERFECTLY NICE BOW ON A DECOY GIFT BASKET!
>>51402
>Gift basket.
Probably a trap.
Don't trust it.
Rolled 60 (1d100)
>>51421
I'm with him, especially if the bow is silk, that shit is expensive. And hey, it could be full of food!
>>51402
>Take the basket
It's probably a trap, but we're all about that 5% chance that it's a little girl's lost puppy.
Rolled 88 (1d100)
>>51476
>>51444
>444
Nice.
Bringing the cart to a halt, allowing the mule to graze on the spare grasses, our Knight of Peasantry dismounts, the basket sits there peacefully.
Inside is... nothing. Literally nothing. It's just a cute basket made of rosewood and twine.
You take it anyway, cause bitches love baskets.
Back onto the worn path, a tower looms in the distance! It takes almost a days' time to reach the tower, but at last, in the dead of night, you come to the foot of it. Off to the North and South, two more towers sit, identical to this one being made of hard-packed stone bricks.
Camp is set up, for no self-respecting Knight ventures into a Dungeon after a long day of travel.
Roll for the morning's happenings.
Rolled 51 (1d100)
>>51489
Masturbate.
Rolled 53 (1d100)
>>51489
Practice your Hoe-play.
Because you will need some mad skills in order to win the princesses.
Rolled 18 (1d100)
>>51500
No we must resist we will need that energy and vigour later.
Lets examine the outside of the Tower as we eat breakfast and make sure the mule is fed, perhaps we can find a clue of who is within.
Rolled 68 (1d100)
>>51489
We must practice, we can release ourselves plenty after we have acquired the bitches.
Rolled 38 (1d100)
>>51489
Cook ourselves a small breakfast if possible.
Rolled 52 (1d100)
>>51489
Roll for our prepared nature and patience.
Can't be saving a princess or taking on monster if we're a shreiky mess.
>>51519
In the morning, nothing of note happens, so you begin the day with a training regiment to get you ready for a day of Dungeoneering.
Vultures circle about the top floor of this tower, their wings blood red upon the blue sky.
A montage of us working out later...
The first Tower awaits! You plow head first into the doorway, inside is... nothing really notable. There's a spare few objects about the walls, but nothing really worthwhile.
You now have options.
>Down to the next floor
>Up to the next floor
What shall it be?
>>51564
So, assuming that going down is what will allow us to get some dosh or new equipment.
I say go up.
Can't keep the girls waiting.
>>51564
>Up to the next floor
Rolled 90 (1d100)
>>51564
Yes, let us go up.
>>51587
So it shall be.
The stairway up is just on your right as you enter the tower, clanking up the staircase, it would seem the next floor is notable.
It's full of eggs! Literally just walls and walls of giant eggs! Huge piles of them! The next stairway up is across the room, but my GOD these EGGS!
>Roll and proceed upward
Or
>Roll and examine the eggs.
Rolled 26 (1d100)
>>51650
>Roll and proceed upward
Rolled 74 (1d100)
>>51650
>Eggs.
Hm, could we be in the tower of Drider Princess?
I say examine the eggs.
Rolled 81 (1d100)
>>51650
Examine the Eggs carefully as not to disturb them.
>>51704
Gently, ever so gently, you creep close and examine the eggs. They look like huge Robin eggs, hundreds of them filling the room. Not much you can really do with them tho.
>Upwards
>Downward
>>51741
Upwards then.
>>51741
Upwards and onwards.
Rolled 13 (1d100)
>>51741
Someone took great care to put these here, we should proceed upwards to discover more.
>>51741
Robin eggs are delicious
Extract one (1) egg from the hoard
Rolled 93 (1d100)
>>51772
Forgot to roll.
>>51747
>>51750
>>51765
The sky is the limit, yaknow?
Up the next stairway, the eggs left behind for now.
The next floor... is different.
Everything is too pristine. This room is laden with various goods and loot, fine china, potted plants, tapestries and the like, a mechanical doll sits at a table in the center. A hand outstretched, beckoning to the sear across from her.
Do you sit down? And if so, roll
Otherwise, head up.
Rolled 100 (1d100)
>>51802
It may be a guardian of a sort and attack if angered, Lets sit but be ready to strike if needed
>>51802
Give the doll what it wants.
Rolled 9 (1d100)
>>51802
We still haven't eaten yet, hell yeah! Roll for breakfast tea party.
Rolled 8 (1d100)
>>51835
forgot roll
Rolled 40 (1d100)
>>51802
Yes, let us take a seat, this refined area can;t possibly be a trap.
>>51836
>>51842
>>51833
I hope this all breaks even.
>>51867
Nah, I did the mean and we come out (rounded up) at fourty.
All successes are critical for Peasant Knight.
His fails are too.
>>51833
A seat you shall take.
A fortune the doll shall make.
Fate has a way.
So does night and day.
A rasp from its lungs,
the doll says:
"The world above soars high,
The time to act is nigh.
Go forth you dandy fool,
You with your tool,
The day shall save, from princesses twenty."
It would seem the Doll has fallen silent, a blessing placed upon you, in one form or another.
Upwards to the top of the tower?
>>51927
By the gods a blessing of such rhythmic caliber? Surely we are destined to succeed. Yes, let us proceed to the top and scope out the land below, and towers above.
>>51927
Well its clear we must go forth in all haste to the top of the tower.
>>51927
To the tower
>>51927
Onwards and upwards
>>51945
>>51947
Far above, the heavens sit. Gods are watching.
The next floor up, easily the longest trek upward, three times that of any prior staircase, brings you to a half-circle of a landing. There is nobody here, but a door set in the wall is marked with a sigil, it is pic related.
Do you open the door?
>>51970
Only a fool barges in all willy nilly.
Are we presentable?
We realy need to look our best for whoever we're about to rescue.
Rolled 9 (1d100)
>>51970
Must be some kind of... Language. Probably some form of sign indicating what is behind the door.
But we are blessed by the gods. And open it we shall!
>>51985
A shifting of your pot, smoothing of your rags, and a spit-shine of your Hoe, one could say you are... "presentable."
Rolled 52 (1d100)
>>51970
We must open the door with the customary, "Princess, I've come for you!"
And by the door, I mean any door we come to. Just in case.
Rolled 3 (1d100)
>>52043
Let us utter the cry and enter forth.
>>52005
>>52043
So it shall be.
You gentle set your hand upon the door, before slamming it open with all your Peasantish might, exclaiming "Princess, I've come for you!"
...
...
The room is empty. It's quite a nice room too, sparse decorations, a cozy bed, and boxes of eggs litter the room.
After a few moment of awkward silence, during which running water can be heard from the adjoining room, a reply of "Oh good! I'm in the shower, just stay there, I'll be out shortly!"
Our first Princess is nigh!
Do we go forth and wrest her from her Shower or wait courteously?
>>52067
We're a peasant, so naturally we have that southern respect for our lady. Let's take a seat somewhere and wait for her to finish.
>>52067
>wait
For we are the Peasant Knight and we listen to the royalty
Rolled 69 (1d100)
>>52067
I say we should consult the Code of Chivalry. Or since we can't read, remember what someone told us from it or at the least make an educated guess on what to do.
>>52067
We're Peasant Knight.
We know that Knigts are the model of gentlemen and we will waif for her to come to mee us.
>>52092
But we're not educated anon.
We know sweet fuck all but what the stories say and how to plough a feild.
Rolled 35 (1d100)
>>52092
I believe I remember Brother Maynard words one should wait to 3 or such.
3 what I don't recall.
>>52116
Well, then a not so educated guess.
>>52092
>69 the way of the Pervert
"Methinks hijinks are afoot..."
You mutter before wandering over to her bed and stripping down, hopping upon it and striking a seductive post, wearing nothing but your pan helmet.
The water is shut off...
The door opens...
Out steps a red-haired Maiden.
She's not paying attention to her surroundings, drying off her feathers and hair.
>Gets dressed
>Finally turns about and notices your clothes on the ground
>Looks up at her bed
"Why hello there," you purr.
"Oh hello! So nice of you to stop on by! So are you here to rescue me?"
She seems unfazed by your nudeness, distracted by your shiny helmet.
Rolled 66 (1d100)
>>52126
Quickly sneak the egg we found earlier into the box if we can without her noticing. Seems like we'll have to find breakfast elsewhere.
Also, before we move anywhere, we should give her a thumbs-up while still in her pose and deliver an expert 1-liner.
>>52137
*while still in our sexy pose
Gotta show off our muscles from all that hard work in the fields.
Rolled 86 (1d100)
>>52126
A fair Feathered Maid.
Indeed tell her we are here to save her while give your pot a stylish shake.
>>52126
>distracted by your shiny helmet.
By equally distracted by her feathers.
Rolled 33 (1d100)
>>52178
Roll
>>52150
Like a fedora-tip of the helmet?
>>52150
Yes indeed, it seems now would be a good time to impress her.
"But of course, fair Harpy Maiden, I have come to set you free from this awful Tower. Will you join me?"
You say, while spinning your pot about your head with a skilled hand.
She's currently drooling and too mesmerized by the light constantly reflecting off your helm to reply.
"I'll take that as a yes."
Getting dressed while she continues staring, you heave her onto your shoulder and sprint down the tower steps, she seems content to sit there and enjoy the ride, her eyes now off your helm.
>Down
>Down
>Down
And finally, you reach the botom floor and exit out into the open air where your camp sits.
Night begins to fall after a day of exploring. You have a modest feast of bread, water, and deviled eggs she cooked up herself, seems she's alright with eating her own unfertilized eggs.
You discuss for a time about this, that, and the other.
"Fair hero," she finally says,
"Will you accept a gift of my gratitude?"
She holds out her 2 Dowries to you, you may take 1 for free, it will not take a cart slot.
Rolled 58 (1d100)
That dust could be good for fertilizer, no need to take it with you yet,
>>52230
I say we take the golden feather.
That way we can satisfiy one of her fetishes and eliminate the chance of your death.
Also, we can fly.
>>52268
I second this notion.
Rolled 87 (1d100)
>>52230
The Golden Feather would be a nice token to wear. (Free Slot), the Ashes should remain in the cart in case of emergency.
We should ask her if she knows what lurks in base of the tower?
Finally suggest snuggling together to keep warm through the night.
Rolled 32 (1d100)
>>52230
I say take the golden feather
Prevailing decision is: Golden Feather.
And thus, upon picking up this gleaming trinket, plucked from the feathers of the Elder Harpy herself, a pair of immaculate wings sprout from your back, they fold up neatly beneath your cloak, ready to be used at a moment's notice.
She seems happy with your choice and stows the Ashes away perhaps another time.
The two of your snuggle beneath the moonlight, happy to be together.
DAWN OF THE 2nd DAY:
Roll and let the fates have their way.
Rolled 92 (1d100)
>>52392
Alrighty.
Lets make breakfast; then decide on a plan of action.
If there is a downstairs we might as well ask who is down there before we move on.
Rolled 18 (1d100)
>>52392
We need MOAR princesses
Rolled 19 (1d100)
>>52392
A wonderful morning, surrounded by the warmth of lovely princess down and the down of your new wings. What could possibly go wrong?
Rolled 90 (1d100)
>>52414
Agreed
>>52414
Breakfast! More eggs! Scrambled, sunnyside up, deviled, all manner of eggs in the morning!
Over a Breakfast of Eggs, she went into the tower before you woke up and got some more, you ask about what lies beneath.
"I don't rightfully know. I've never been down there, before. Probably the lair of the Dragon Princess..."
That was helpful...
Onwards into the depths?
>>52487
We should remember this and return after searching for more maids, as in the worst case that we should fall at least they will be free and safe.
>>52487
Nah, I saw we search for more towers.
Oh! Can we have her read the letter the Wizard gave us, but we couldn't read?
Rolled 4 (1d100)
>>52487
Dragon... Princess? Sounds like she may be in charge of this Dragon thingy. Maybe if we talked to her we could settle this over eggs and stale bread.
>>52487
>"Don't worry, my feathered fuckbuddy! Once we gather more reinforcements and train up a bit, I'll remove this dragon's scourge from our land!"
Said in out horrible peasant-accent, of course.
>>52516
>we have her read the letter the Wizard gave us, but we couldn't read
Supporting this.
>>52547
>implying a true warrior needs a Nobleman's magic
Let her have it, we're going to bash our way to the top with a peasant's honor.
>>52556
Touche'
>The letter/spell, let her read it
And so you do, producing it from your clothes.
"Would you kindly, read this, M'dear? I hate to say it, but I cannot read."
"Of course!"
"Hey. I got you a cart. Don't fail us now, you little shit."
"Uh, who wrote this?"
She inquires, at the oddity of the letter.
>>52637
A wizard.
He said that to us exactly after he gave us the reigns.
Ok, it's time to move on.
Any objections?
>>52637
Why, a wizard did it.
>>52637
It was one of them dirty magic casters.
Rolled 98 (1d100)
>>52706
If we at all can, I say we nab Kobold Princess.
"Yes indeed, a Wizard wrote us that and gave us the cart over yonder," gesturing to the mule and cart.
Either way, a new day is here and I must venture forth!
>Tower Underground
>Go explore North Tower
>Go explore South Tower
>>52763
>Tower Underground
But first ask the princess if she has any idea what's underneath the tower.
Rolled 60 (1d100)
I roll for direction vote
Evens North, Odds South
The prevailing decision in your head is North.
So North you ride.
It is several hours before you finally reach this new Tower.
And... there's no door.
Quite literally, this Tower has no door, the nearest window is on the top floor. To the NorthEast, another tower sits.
It seems this was a fruitless venture.
Shall we head back then?
>>52890
Do the birdy thing!
>>52890
Fly.
>>52890
Shout up at the window "Princess, your rescuer has arrived!" or something of that nature.
>>52936
WTF am I saying.
Changing my vote to flying up there.
Rolled 18 (1d100)
>>52890
Let us take flight like the humble crow (bane of the fields it may be).
Perhaps ask our experienced flyer to join us until "we earn our wings" so to speak
Flight! Something you are excited to try out!
This is a prime opportunity to test it!
It's like riding a bicycle, Harpy told you, so you simply take a stance, spread your wings, it *feels* right, and take to the skies, soaring up along the tower until at last, after what felt like mere moments, you arrive on the windowsill of the Tower. Inside is a very small Princess.
She's busy pounding on a piece of hot metal, somehow she had an entire Forge installed up here to keep her busy. Do you bother this fair maiden?
Also, a storm just rolled in, so if I stop posting, it's cause of that.
>>53015
On one hand, wealth.
On the other, do we need her?
Difficult descision but I say we at least rescue her, just don't take her Doweries.
>>53015
We bother the fair maiden.
>>53015
>"You hammer that metal like an amateur! stand back and let me finish that, I've made more tools then I can remember!"
>>53015
She seems busy, lets try a window over.
And so it is decided, you meander up to the Midget of a Maiden and ask "Excuse me miss, do you require saving upon this day?"
She turns about in her chair, looks at you, and says, scoffing, "No not really. Ah have every'ting I need right here, me tools, booze, and of course, lotssametal." You can go away, good sir... Knight?"
She may be a tad drunk. Do we leave her be then? Or do we "rescue" her?
Or something else, mayhaps?
>>53168
How high quality is the booze?
Rolled 56 (1d100)
>>53168
Ask her to inspect our "Hoe"
If that doesn't garner her attention we see if there is any new equipment she wouldn't mind us taking.
I suspect its all going to be too small.
>>53168
"You're just going to let me leave without showing me your craftmanship? I was looking forward to seeing a genuine dwarven craftswoman at work. Unless... maybe you're too tired."
>>53168
Well, we asked and she said no.
We can't force her to do anything she doesn't want to, she's supposed to be a very violent drunk.
I say we tip our helm and bid her good day; tell her if she needs us, we'll be a tower over for the evening.
>>53237
How do we know she's a violent drunk, though?
>>53252
Dwarven Tradition, and the stereotype is that Dwarves drink themselves half-to-death, then beat the shit out of each other all night every night.
>>53252
Also, her character file.
>>53281
Dwarven Tradition is very close to Peasant Winter traditions.
Rolled 42 (1d100)
>>53168
Challenge her to a drinking contest
>>53325
So she must be a lovely lass, good with her hands.
>>53341
This.
As a peasant, we're probably of a big enough degenerate to have drunk some wild shit. We can probably handle any dwarven ale.Right?
>>53341
>42 The Stars Align
"Well then, how about a wager instead?"
She's still staring at you, a tad... intrigued now.
"What kinda challenghe could you fight me fur, KNIGHT?"
She is definitely drunk.
"A duel. A duel of BOOZE!"
Her eyes immediately light up with excitement.
"So it shall be you twit!"
In a blur of motion her work table is cleared, the still searing hot blade tossed into the bathroom, where it seems ALL her other pieces are, two chair, and what amounts to easily more booze than you've ever seen in your lifetime piled high upon it.
"First to drop is out, get drinkin'!"
It seems she doesn't want a formal challenge. Do you join her in drinking until your living jumps ship?
Roll if you do
Roll if you don't
>>50976
rollin
roll 1d100
>>53412
"dice+1d100" in the Options field, remove the quotes.
Rolled 62 (1d100)
>>53381
Well, we're in it now.
Bottoms up, lads.
We can out-drink her anyday.
Rolled 99 (1d100)
>>53381
I would wonder what our feathered friend is doing and if she would like to join us but this is a duel.
Remove our noble Helm and begin filling it with booze if she doesn't provide a cup.
(Did we get a bag of chocolate dicks? Some of those little booze filled ones would be handy right now)
>>53430
>>53458
>99 and 1
I am laffin.
Anyway, yeah.
Peasant Knight looks directly at us, the 4th wall seemingly missing and says "The helmet stays on."
The next about 3 hours as the sun sets is a montage of us and Dwarf Princess chugging Ales, Whiskeys, Pints, Quarts, Glasses, Fine Wines, and so much more. She hasn't changed much, but we've lost our ability to really tell what the fuck is going on, properly.
At the end of that 3 hour event, Dwarf looks annoyed you're still sitting upright and whips out a box of *something* from beneath the worktable.
"Ye thik yer tuff? Then let's see you down a Royal FAVURITE! Deep-Worm Backwash with a touch of Cold Iron!"
This is the tough stuff. Do you feel up to it?
She's already put a whole bottle to her lips and is downing it with ease, a look of sheer terror on her face for some reason.
>>53381
Chug until she looks as good as she makes swords.
>>53501
Employ a time tested Peasant drinking game strategy, and let her chug the whole bottle before we start.
Rolled 53 (1d100)
>>53501
Take a swig. What's the worst that could happen?
>>53538
>What's the worst that could happen?
Death.
Ask yourself, WHY is it a Royal favorite?
Rolled 7 (1d100)
>>53522
Agreed, and distract her by talking about the various brews and moonshines made by your Village before you start drinking.
>>53545
Because it's expensive. That's how noblemen work; they buy the most pricey thing they can and parade it as a status symbol.
Plus, nobles usually have horrible taste. Downing it will be easy.
"So," you start.
"you have som great drinks 'ere. But tel me, sweeeteee. Do they compare to Village Drinks? I dun think sho."
You begin listing off a myriad of real and unreal brews while she pounds out the end of that bottle.
And then on a high note, the poor little bitty lets out a ear-shattering scream, keeling over onto the floor, a look of horror on her face, the bottle empty.
It seems... she might be dead. Maybe. You can't rightfully tell before collapsing onto the table yourself.
It seems the booze finally got you too.
RollTo see what happens in the morning.
>>53659
Is this our first kill as a warrior? Our first conquered kingdom?
Rolled 7 (1d100)
>>53659
Rolled 27 (1d100)
>>53689
woops, fucked my roll.
Rolled 5 (1d100)
>>53659
Hopefully we have not committed regicide through traditional dwarven customs.
Here is a roll to hope we wake up either holding her hair back over the toilet or snuggling with a living princess.
Rolled 23 (1d100)
>>53545
C'mon hangover sex!
>>53752
It looks like liver damage and regicide.
Well theoretically we could still have hangover sex....
>>53689
>>53699
This is not a kill, yet. Cause you don't know if she's dead.
Anyway,
The sun streams through the open window, the room is quiet, getting up from your comfy workbench, poor Peasant Knight trips over a body on the floor. Sure enough, upon looking down, it's Dwarf Princess. She's curled up on the floor, gently snoozing, suckling on her thumb.
Methinks we should leave her be and head out. What say you Anons?
>>53812
Loot her entire booze cabinet. This is easily some good stuff, and would get us some renown back in our native village.
Rolled 96 (1d100)
>>53812
Very carefully put a pillow under her head and put a blanket over her, if she starts to wake hush her back to sleep.
We've rudely left Harpy Princess alone, best go check on her.
>>53812
We don't know yet whether she's medically alright. The honourable thing to do is watch over her until she wakes up. We can take the time to look at her metalworks.
>>53812
I see two options. Take something she has made, or do the obvious...
Check the rest of the tower.
Rolled 66 (1d100)
>>53876
Roll
>>53867
Grabbing a pillow from her bed, Peasant Knight gently lifts her head and lays it under her, before going back and grabbing a blanket and covering her up.
Sprouting your magnificent wings, you once again take to the skies and return to poor Harpy Princess.
It seems she had a feast of Eggs while you were gone, sprawled out on your bedroll, distended stomach still bloated with egg, the shells of which are strewn about the camp.
She seems content as well in this early dawn.
>Into the Tower Underground
>Try another Tower to the South/North East of the North Tower
>>53983
>Into the Tower Underground
Rolled 16 (1d100)
>>53876
>>53871
>>53983
>>53850
I think we are been hinted that Dwarf Princesses tower has nothing else within.
A shame we couldn't collect some more loot but we are Peasant Knight not Thief Knight.
Its just hit midnight so I'm off for now but I'll supply one last roll in case it matters.
Thanks a lot everyone this has been fun so far.
>>54076
I guess we ought to wait for some more responses. Maybe post the link in the tg thread again?
I insist we make sure we are fully prepared with epic loot before we potentially fight a dragon though.
>>54076
lets see other tower
>>54146
Alright, pic related. Left is North, right is South.
>>54185
East to the one above Dwarf princess
>>54211
That makes 2 votes then.
Putting a sheet over poor Harpy too, you head off to the next Tower, soaring through the skies like a majestic eagle. Just as you are about to land on the window sill, a giant hand reaches up from below and drags you down to the ground. It would seem someone doesn't want you bothering the Princess.
Closer inspection reveals it to be a gigantic, writhing swarm of Ants. Are you ready to fight your first enemy?
If so, Roll the Dice and ATTACK!
If not... Roll the Dice and escape.
Rolled 15 (1d100)
>>54244
Best defense is a good offence.
Rolled 18 (1d100)
>>54244
Peasant Knight probably wouldn't harm wildlife unless it was a pest who would eat his crops. Also, we might offend the princess. We must escape and fly higher!
Rolled 93 (1d100)
>>54244
Use the vast peasant knowledge to deal with the ants in best possible manner.
>>54279
Voting this one since the other two rolls sucked
Rolled 5 (1d100)
>>54244
.all our successes are critical, all our faliures are also critical
Who's ready to wreck this anthill or die trying?
Rolled 8 (1d100)
>escape
>>54279
Gazing at a writhing mountain of Ants, Peasant Knight gapes in awe before realizing the easy way to deal with a threat like this.
"Hey, I saw a guy with some cake over in that tower!"
You point off into the distance, South East of your current position.
Sure enough, being ANTS, they can't resist and swarm off, excited. Crisis averted.
And then in a swift motion, something lands on your head, giving you a right headache.
Pulling it off of you, it turns out it's Insect Princess!
She's squirming in your arms, trying to chase after the ants, by this point you regain your hearing and hear "Let go of me! I want that cake!"
Hmm...
>>54321
The cake is a lie.
We might be offer her some alcohol looted from Dwarf Princess' place though (if we got any?)
>>54321
"There isn't a cake, I'm afraid. Sorry."
Rolled 64 (1d100)
>>54321
Tell her we have a bunch of cookies back at camp
"Slow down there, Princess, I... have some bad news for you."
She continues to squirm, she wants the cake.
"The cake is a lie."
She becomes very still, sits back and looks at you.
"Really...?" There are tears in her eyes now.
"Yes..." you say, a tad reluctant. "I was besieged by a hand made of ants and did the first thing I thought of to be rid of them...Sorry."
At this point, she's weeping, head against your torso, gently beating on you with her tiny fists. "You are a dick. Who just LIES about caaaaaakeeee....I haven't had any in MONTHS, you piece of shi-hi-hit."
Great, you broke a princess with Cake and the lack thereof.
>>54417
Despite our humble means, I feel at this point it is our duty to promise her we will make her a cake if we make it home.
Rolled 58 (1d100)
>>54417
Couldn't we make some cake? We have eggs, we can grind up bread in place of flour, and gratuitous amounts of Peasant Magic(tm)
Rolled 52 (1d100)
>>54417
Tell her you'll make a cake
>>54464
>>54481
>>54489
"Sweetheart, if it would make you feel better, I'll bake you a cake. I have plenty of Wheat and Eggs, all I need is some Flour and Milk and I can bake you one in a Dwarven Forge over yonder," you gesture toward the previous Tower.
This seems to calm her down.
"R-Really? You would do that for *sniff* me?"
"Of course, it is a Knight's duty to help a Lady in need, Princess or not."
A tiny smile creeps onto her face as she says "Thank you..."
Shall we take her back to camp then and see if Harpy knows anything about possible cake ingredients?
Rolled 100 (1d100)
>>54511
yes
>>54511
>Beast Run
Yes. We take her and tenderly love her forever and all eternity.
>>54511
Do it, also if there is no sugar it could be possible to use honey or just fruits.
>>54516
>>54522
>100
So it shall be.
Picking up your new Princess, you tell her to hold on before lifting off into the air and whisking her with you back to camp, setting down to an interesting sight. Harpy Princess is munching on a piece of CAKE. And there's the rest of it on a small table by your camp fire.
She waves at you with a fork in hand as you touch down, happy to see another Princess safe and sound.
Insect is just happy to be back on the ground, she was terrified up in the air.
"Where uh... where did that Cake come from?" you inquire.
"From the sky." Harpy replies, eating another chunk of cake.
After swallowing that and seeing your puzzles face, she states: It just floated down on a balloon, I don't know how to describe it. 1 balloon, a table, and a cake plus plates and forks just floated down and landed right there, the red balloon unfurling and floating back up. It was a sight."
"So I started having a slice, it's pretty tasty. Chocolate on chocolate with vanilla frosting and strawberries."
Insect kisses you on the helm before joining Harpy and munching on some cake.
It would seem... you made her a cake... Or the Gods did, at least.
Rolled 12 (1d100)
>>54578
Prise the sun than share the rest of the cake
Rolled 17 (1d100)
>>54578
Like it has been stated, our goal is as good as complete with the blessing of the gods (and a very nice wizard). Let us celebrate and get to know the princesses better by indulging in some cake with them.
Settling down with some cake, you discuss things with the Princesses, their hobbies, desires, etc.
It ranges from things like Golfing and Bird Watching to advanced Trigonometry, although that's mostly Insect Princess.
At last, an important question comes up, "Brave Knight of Cake, will you accept my gift to you?" Insect Princess asks, holding out her 2 Dowries.
Rolled 14 (1d100)
An egg that makes children get born faster? That means more hands on the fields. Think of all the free time you could have!
>>54657
That Pheromone cluster could come in handy when we're bleeding out at the hands of a dragon. I say we take that.
>>54657
Take the jelly looking shit. We're not sure what it is, but it looks useful.
Rolled 40 (1d100)
>>54657
Eggs are the best
>>54740
Not sure if you meant the pheromone cluster or royal jelly, but the royal jelly is a lust gift, we wouldn't get that yet.
>>54803shit, your right
then take it as the pheromone cluster
Eggs it is.
Your cart is now 3/4 full.
Another night passes, you snuggle with 2 Princesses now, though.
DAWN OF THE THIRD DAY
The Princesses are both still asleep. Time is nigh to act and maybe get your last Princess before they awaken? Where to?
>The Depths Below
>Another Tower
>>54824
I again suggest we give this Dragon Princess a stern talking to. Get this Dragon of hers to let these innocent girls go.
Rolled 65 (1d100)
>>54824
Go down the depths
>>54843
But we don't know where this "Dragon Princess" is.
Assumably, she's in the Depths Below, but WHERE?
>>54824
The Depths.
It's time to kick ass and eat girls out, and we're all out of girls.
>>54850
>>54867
So be it.
You gear up and set out into the Tower.
The floor below the entrance floor is... deadly, to say the least.
The floor is a series of pressure plates, hundreds of them across the whole room, the only "safe" spaces being the landings of each staircase.
Shall you run across?
Fly across?
Tiptoe?
Rolled 48 (1d100)
>>54885
We picked up flying for a reason
>>54885
Run across. Be sure to do the Naruto run.
>>54885
We might as well get more practice in with the wings.
>>54897
>>54922
Mhm.
Flight has become easy enough for you after only 2 days.
It's a simple action and then you're on the other side.
The stairway down open up into a surprisingly large room. It seems there's a few skeletons playing poker in the center. One seat is open. Does Gambling seem like a good thing right now to you?
Rolled 78 (1d100)
>>54942
What will we be gambling with?
Rolled 35 (1d100)
>>54942
Why yes. Lets ante up some of that tasty stale bread. Maybe we could get some information if we win enough. It's the perfect plan.
>>54942
We have Fortune's Fool on our side. I say go for it.
>>54954
That's a good question.
You saunter over and sit down in the open seat.
After the next hand, when scraps of paper are exchanged among winners and losers, you ask "What might I bet with today?"
"Yer choice, pal, we deal in all kinds, there is no set value. Of course, if you're looking for somethin'... specific, a Soul could get us to spill the beans on just 'bout anything... if you win, of course."
So you can bet bread or your soul, your call.
Or back out and head down another floor, I doubt they'd mind.
Rolled 83 (1d100)
>>54990
We only need one more princess.
Unless we can get another spot on the cart from this don't bother.
>>54990
Can we bet the souls of others?
We probably have a few cousins or exes we wouldn't mind betting, just saying.
Rolled 93 (1d100)
>>55027
Well what would we need to bet in order to get the info on dragon specifically?
>>55027
"Can I bet Knowledge?"
They look at you, do a double take, then huddle about.
Formation breaks and the one with a Charlie Chaplain mustache says "I'm gonna be straight about 'dis. We are almost certain whatever you know... is not worth our time. Sorry."
It seems you've been dissed.
>>55045
>"Well, I can I bet your Mum's virginity?"
>"Since I'm the one she gave it too!"
Rolled 35 (1d100)
>>55045
I think it's time. Time to bet the most important thing of all. Something so important, so integral it has never needed even talked about. (Except once).
It's time to bet your most cherished heirloom, handed down to you from generation to generation. You know what I mean Peasant Knight. You must wager, the Shield of the Forest.
Rolled 31 (1d100)
>>55045
Lay down some peasant wisdom on these fools
>>55087
>>55189
>These rolls tho
"Then I wager my shield! A family heirloom passed down through 41 generations of Farmhand, said to be the key to an endless bounty of Food. Beat me in a hand of Blackjack and it is yours! But if you lose, you will show me to the Dragon Princess!"
They laugh at you and toss you down to the next floor, unceremoniously, chucking your weapon and shield after you.
Brushing off, the surrounding room is.. quite dusty. Everything is covered thoroughly and with a thick layer of cobwebs.
There's a statue of some description in the center of this room, but you really can't make it out in this dim light...
Down or Examine..?
Rolled 39 (1d100)
>>55325
Surely they must realized they could not win so they gave up when they had the chance to.
In doing so those fine dapper gents led us to our next clue and we must [Examine] it.
Besides, our mission is blessed by the gods. What could happen?
Rolled 82 (1d100)
>>55325
Well we can tell by the cobwebs we're close to spider to spider princess.
Continue on.
>>55356
Onwards then, to the bottom floor.
This floor is very plain, nothing notable, just like the Entrance Floor.
Except this one has a doorway leading downward and one to either side, both of which have collapsed tunnels.
The downward path ahead has a golden glow emanating from within.
Shall we head down?
Rolled 25 (1d100)
>>55457
Golden glows never lie.
Head onwards.
>>55457
Head to the glow. Maybe it's treasure.
>>55476
>>55485
Down into the depths below it is.
Before you, the hall opens up into a sprawling cavern literally FILLED with Treasure, Gold, and Loot. Just EVERYWHERE.
After getting over the sheer opulence of it as the myriad of torches on the high ends of the wall cast long, golden shadows, you get your bearings. There are paths to the North, East, and West.
Rolled 97 (1d100)
>>55517
Head east since it's the opposite way we went above ground.
