H_______k Quest
Images are sometimes not shown due to bandwidth/network limitations. Refreshing the page usually helps.
You are currently reading a thread in /qst/ - Quests
You are currently reading a thread in /qst/ - Quests
You are a blank protagonist in a blank void. There is a COMPUTER CONSOLE in your the blank void. It says "Please enter up to 3 interests."
>>22007
porn, cuckoldry, bbw
>>22007
Silver, Smoulder, and blank.
>>22007
Lolicon, racism, chicken
>>22007
cats
overalls
cooking
>>22019
>>22034
>>22035
Gigglesnorting like a FUCKING RETARD you approach the console and type in "Porn, Silver, and Lolicon." The computer analyzes what you typed in, then suddenly glows bright green. A HUGE GENTLEMAN wearing some kind of GARISH COAT and wielding a STROBING STAFF appears in the room with you. What do you do?
>>22138
Ask for his routine and if he has another one of those staves. You want one.
>>22138
Ask him what is happening
>>22138
Ask to borrow his golden rifle.
>>22152
>>22166
>>22168
>>22152
The LORD OF TIME turns his STROBING STAFF into a MACHINE GUN and aims it at you. You ask him "Dude, where do you lift? And where did you get that PIMPIN' CANE?" The LORD OF TIME considers your question.
He gestures to the computer and snaps his horrible clawed fingers. An image of your corpse, lying in a pool of blood appears.
What do you do?
>>22138
Climb up his back and enter his brain
>>22235
Ask him if he has a qt sister to fugg
>>22235
Ask him when this story gets good
>>22235
Erase the blood. It's all good. You lie on the floor all the time. Sometimes it takes you longer to get up than other times though.
>>22235
Ask him if he wants to play a game
>>22248
He laughs in a booming voice that makes both your eyes and ears hurt. He punches the monitor, and it shows some kind of weird dead alien girl in a pool of blood. He thinks about it, and drops his MACHINE GUN/STROBING STAFF on the floor. There is a flash of GREEN LIGHT around his CAIRO OVERCOAT, and he disappears from view.
The computer flashes again. This time it reads "You have been selected to participate in the SBURB Debug Edishon. Please enter three interests, your place of residence, and your classpect. Don't worry if you don't know what those things are."
What do you do?
>>22248
pic related
>>22275
Act 7
;^)
>>22281
You get +5 META points.
>>22317
>lolicon,Silver and Porn
>Portland,Oregon
>wat is dat?
>>22317
We like fedoras, business related products, and being dapper/gentlemanly suave, we live in Washington, and our classpect is Gent of Piss
>>22317
You've already entered 3 interests. Fuck this. Just keep spamming enter until all the messages go away,
>>22352
You get +5 META points, you now have 10. What can you spend them on, you wonder?
>>22346
>>22362
Your INTERESTS are: business related products, silver, and being obnoxious on the internet. The computer processes this for a moment, and automatically fills in your CLASSPECT for you: THIEF OF TIME.
You set your location to Portland Oregon, because that's going to become irrelevant to you soon.
You appear in your room. You have your usual crap lying around, there's your COMPUTER CONSOLE, and the PIMPIN' CANE.
Speaking of, what do you want to assign to your STRIFE SPECIBUS?
>>22428
I think we have to go with shitpostkind.
>>22428
Pimpcane kind
>>22512
Nah, you think this sweet PIMPIN' CANE is better. You lose 2 META points for the DM overriding you. Don't worry, there'll be plenty of that.
So, your PIMPIN' CANE equipped, you look around your room. Your RETARDRETORT messenger app is flashing on your computer screen. You also appear to have a new file on your computer. Damn dirty trolls ha%%ing your shit.
What do you do?
>>22560
It's probably ransomware. Reinstall windows.
>>22560
Run lostboy.exe
>>22582
Your run lostboy.exe. You sure are glad you didn't choose anything weird for your interests. Since the DM doesn't know what the fuck that is, you gain 2 META points. Back to 10.
>>22578
Aight, cool. You're reinstalling windows. In fact, you think you're going to go OpenSource. You download a copy of SBURBUNTU and install it on your box.
While it's installing, what do you want to do for now?
>>22669
>lostboy.exe
Considering we opened a virus. PANIC and run to the bank to change our account info.
>>22726
You run out of the house, but suddenly stop when you see a bunch of meteors streaking. Across the sky, that is. Nonplussed, you run to the bank, and withdraw all your money.
You get about $4 bucks, because ever since Bernie got elected as President, everyone is basically paying all of their money to taxes to feed the leeches of society.
In any case, you run back home, and back to your computer. You see a weird pillar supported on a dais, with a wheel attached. You also notice that your SBURBUNTU install finished and it now saying that you need to OPEN CRUXTRUDER.
What do you do?
>>22839
Attempt Sepulchritude
>>22839
shouldn't you, as a leech to society, have more than $4?
Attempt to pry Cruxtruder open with bare hands
>>23244
YOU GET +10 METAPOINTS for referencing a comic that ended better.
Still, that's what we're doing here, aren't we? Just wasting time until we get an Epilogue that will answer our burning questions: do Karkat and Terezi end up together? Is John "Slay the Gay" Egbert going to come down like a ton of homophobic bricks on Kanaya and Rose? Is Vriska redeemed?
...the GM gets +10 meta points for entering dialogue with the players. Anyway.
A voice in your head tells you that now is probably not a good time.
A counter appears on your computer. It currently reads 13:37.
>>23293
Nah, you can't. The damn thing is stuck.
((Are you fucking serious, they make the QM also have a counter? That's retarded.))
>>23330
Sit on the damn thing, or contact your handsome green serverplayer friend who visited you earlier to give you a hookup to bust it open
>>23385
The LORD OF TIME sends you a crudely drawn picture of yourself BONKing yourself on the head with the PIMPIN' CANE.
>>23539
Get above the Cruxtruder and bang on it with the pimp cane. That thing is absurdly heavy, moreso than some objects that were actually used to open it.
>>24055
You bang on your head with the PIMPIN' CANE. It hurts a little, but you're fine.
>>24006
You bang on the CRUXTRUDER with the PIMPIN' CANE. It pops open and a weird SEIZURE KERNEL flies out, hovering in the air above you.
The SBURBUNTU screen now has two icons: a TOTEM LATHE and an ALCHEMITER. The counter now read 9:55. There is also a message saying "Carve totem. OPTIONAL: Prototype Sprite."
What do you do?
>>24270
Look around blank room to identify dank shit.
>>24308
You have a LOT OF DANK SHIT in your room. Seriously. Your IMAGINATION is the limit here.
Of course your IMAGINATION bar is a little bit low, but you're reasonably sure that you can pick something at random here. I mean, it's not like what you know what a First Guardian is anyway.
Go ahead. Pick something silly, or cool, or fun. Sky's the limit. Except when it's your IMAGINATION.
>>24371
Install a Haskell interpreter on your computer.
>>24371
Imaginationate to make a frog statue to prototype with (is imagining related with metapoints at all)
>>24407
You install an INTERCAL interpreter on your computer. The SBURBUNTU window flickers for a moment and then tells you you're not polite enough.
>>24371
Imagine a fucking dragon to prototype. This can't possibly go wrong, and for the lack of a first guardian, I can't think of a better thing to rely on than that.
But only one thing, whatever we use.
>>24451
Obtain a second arm to compliment our BONK arm
>>24420
ur a cheeky kunt ill give u that
You burn 15 META points and 10 bars of IMAGINATION SOAP to visualize a FROG STATUE RIDING A DOLPHIN. You look deep into its eye and sigh wistfully. You wish you were this cool.
>>24451
Input "please install the interpreter" into the terminal window.
>>24452
Okay. You use your THIEF OF TIME abilities and create a 2nd timeline where you use up 15 META points and 10 bars of IMAGINATION SOAP to visualize a dragon.
Cute, badass, or stupid?
>>24489
Expend more META points to get Silver_Smoulder to apologize to me, then prototype kernel with either radfrogfin statue or with the blank itself, or with the floating imagination letters
>>24511
It's the one where we're going to prototype ourselves with a dragon to gain fire breath and sprite magic.
>>24518
>>24525
Done. You conflate the timelines, and now have the following in your ROOM:
-SBURBUNTU computer running INTERCAL interpeter
-COOL FROG AND DOLPHIN STATUE
-STUPID-LOOKING DRAGON
-PIMPIN' CANE
-LOTS OF DANK SHIT
-IMAGINATION
Silver_Smoulder apologizes profusely for being a horrible human being, and taking away some of your freedom of choice. Do you prototype your kernel with the:
-COOL FROG AND DOLPHIN STATUE
-STUPID DRAGON
-YOURSELF
-IMAGINATION
-something else (please don't)
Into the intercal interpreter, input [code]please import -i.sprb.* then grep for string titled universe. With results of grep, please attempt recovery using backup located at -I.akashic_Records.sector_357.63 as -I.akashic_Records.sector_var . Please remember this location as here. If recovery is successful, then please output to the console a string of "Recovery successful" then please give up, else attempt recovery from (-I.akashic_Records.sector_var+.1 then please go to here[/code]
>>24665
>-STUPID DRAGON
Unless we really want to give them Time powers, we should wait on using it ourselves until later.
Kill ourself
>>24698
You bang on the keyboard, typing that mess in. Too bad you didn't know a secret. Two secrets. The first thing is that you don't know a lick of INTERCAL. The second thing is that INTERCAL is a very tricky language. So the mess that you slaptyped on your keyboard actually translates to this:
>INTERCAL - I.akashic_Records = YOU FUCKING LOVE THIS GUY!
>>25064
End the futility that is our life
>>24920
No, that's too early! You lose 5 META points. You're now in the negatives! You're nowhere near your QUEST BED!
>>24748
Since no other votes came in, you shrug and fling the STUPID DRAGON at the SEIZURE KERNEL. There is a bright flash of light, and then floating in the air next to you is a DRAGONSPRITE!
>>25159
Just what i was waiting for, prototype dragonsprite with radfrogfin statue
>>25159
Upgrade the dragon sprite with yourself
>>25159
Prototype self with dragon so it doesn't fuck its stupid ass up, then deploy game shit to not get meteored.
Gonna give this a couple more minutes for people to vote, and then I'll keep going.
>>25244
Place pause menu and smiley face in out inventory
>>25202
>>25207
>>25214
((Looks like self-prototyping it is))
((pic related))
>>25267
As the THIEF OF TIME you handily wrench the fabric of reality itself and grab the PAUSE MENU and the HONKSMILEY.
>>25202
>>25207
>>25214
You then use your THIEF OF TIME powers to steal some time from... YOURSELF.
You gain -TIME. You gain TIME. You combine the PAUSE MENU with the -TIME and make some more TIME. You then use it on yourself, creating a TEMPORAL DUPLICATE.
Next, you hit him in the face with your PIMPIN' CANE. Midway it turns into a MACHINE GUN and kills your TEMPORAL DUPLICATE. You then fling his corpse at DRAGONSPRITE. There is another flash of light, and before you stands...
Well, how about that. You never gave yourself a name. What is your name?
>>25363
Oscar Pentolope Faggot beith thine name
>>25363
Forget the name part, we have more pressing matters to attend. Equip honksmiley and buckle up. Check the cruxtruder damn it.
>>25504
Examine computer for changes. Deploy objects.
>>25504
Just Oscar Pentalope then?
>>25504
Ask your server player for the hook up so we can get down to business. Were timed you know. Actually, ponder about where our server package of the game is.
>>25588
I'm pretty sure our server player is LE and that he left his shit at our house so we can work ourselves. Where our copy is is a good question.
>>25582
Yeah, that sounds all right. Still, DRAGONYMOUSPRITE seems to have taken a shine to his name, so we're cool. Still, nice to meet you, Oscar Pentalope.
Wait...
OP
YOU CHEEKY SON OF A BITCH
You get a point of BRICK-A-BRACK. It's what you get when you pull a fast one on the QM. Well done.
>>25581
You deploy the ALCHEMITER and the TOTEM LATHE. You are giftedmore like gristed, amirite?with 200 Build Grist.
>>25588
Well, here's the interesting thing. You don't think you have a server player. Maybe if you answered the person on your RETARDRETORT program, you would've gotten one. Now you've double-prototyped, and you have no server player. I hope you're happy with the decisions you made.
Anyway, the counter reads 7:11. What's your next move, Oscar?
pic related is your deployed items that you can't carry with you
>>25705
Ask the counter for a grape big gulp
>>25705
Prototype sprite with alchemiter
>>25777
Normally, you would need to be more polite than that, but the counter recognizes your trips, and the CD tray (who the fuck even has CD trays anymore, seriously?) slides out. There is a BOTTLE OF GRAPE FAYGO on it.
>>25818
*cough* big gulp is a brand of beverage cup sold at the 7-11 chain of convenience stores , and the timer read 7:11 *cough*
>>25792
YOU CAN'T! DRAGONYMOUSPRITE has already been double-prototyped! He dodges the ALCHEMITER and suggests that you should maybe try to either find a server player or enter a single-player session? The clock is ticking. It's now at 6:12.
>>25818
Look for our yugioh cards for use with our cruxite and totem lathe
>>25874
... you get another point of BRICK-A-BRACK!
YAY YOU!
Begrudgingly search for the server diskettes, yea, were so cool that we asked for half the prototype on 3.5 in floppies.
Be dark protagonist in dark void. Wonder why your buddy Oscar isnt responding in retardretort
>>25888
You find a bunch of BLANK YUGIOH CARDS. They're kinda weird though. They have all sorts of holes punched in them. Whatever. You shove them into your SYLLADEX.
Good thing you set your sylladex to TBD. Right now you can use it without going through some kind of fucking rigamarole. Seriously, I can't believe we wasted like half an act on that nonsense.
>>25903
Inventory level 2 smileyface! Hurry before its gone!
>>25937
Put your favorite Dragonruler punched yugioh card, and the dowel in the tlathe
>>25929
((Dude, I am SO okay with this development))
>>25920
You rummage around in your LOTS OF DANK SHIT. You find some SBURB DEBUG FIVE-INCH FLOPPIES. If only you didn't lose your only friend on RETARDRETORT. If only you knew enough INTERCAL to install it on SBURBUNUTU. Or you can still do a dead session.
>>25940
You get the GREEN SMILEY. Man, you sure hope you don't plan on doing anything silly with it.
>>25955
You put your BLASTER YUGIOH CARD into the TOTEM LATHE. You then add the CRUXITE DOWEL. Then you hit GO. Moments later, a TOTEM is LATHE'D!
You quickly CAPTCHALOGUE IT. The clock reads 5:55. You're making good time. You guess?
>>25973
Insert the first diskette into the computer and input into the interpreter window [code] please come from diskette [/code]
>>26012
Im gonna wait for someone else to have a chance, so bunp.
>>26069
Be [INSERT ABSTRACT CONCEPT/SENTIENT ENTITY]
>>26080
You are now the ABSTRACT NOTION OF ASBTRACTION.
You gain 1000 META points.
However, that makes you have a corporeal body which cannot hold that many META points. You lose them all and transform back into Oscar Pentalope.
You do feel a bit more enlightened. You get +1 LIGHT points.
>>26105
In the client version initialize the null connection to your server copy
>>26105
Manage our points.
>>26132
>>26151
You do a SINGLE MOBIUS REACHAROUND. You connect yourself to your Server and become your client and then connect your client to the server and complete the loop.
"You're in for it now," DRAGONYMOUSPRITE mutters darkly.
You ignore him, and... well, you deployed all your stuff already and have your totem. What do you do next:
>>26238
STATS:
Sylladex: TBD
Strife Specibus: riflekind/canekind - PIMPIN' CANE
- -5 META points
- +1 LIGHT point
- +2 BRICK-A-BRACK
Inventory:
BOTTLE OF PURPLE FAYGO
GREEN JUGGALO SMILEY
PURPLE JUGGALO SMILEY equipped
BLANK YUGIOH CARDS
+TIME
IMAGINATION
Room:
LOTS OF DANK STUFF
DRAGONYMOUSPRITE
CRUXTRUDER
ALCHEMITER
TOTEM LATHE
SBURBUNTU COMPUTER
LIL' CAL
>>26367
Combine dowel and alchemiter
>>26367
Encoden silidex into reverse sort coma delimited list
>>26367
Run an FTP server and upload consciousness onto server.
>>26466
You alchemize a THE MOUNTAIN DRAKE.
You uh.. hmm. Mmm. You really hope you don't need to insert this thing into yourself. *cough* Yeahhhh...
>>26504
Nah, you like your TBD sylladex. You'll change it next time.
>>26575
You don't have the right tools or the right friends for the job!
>>26755
Saw this coming a mile away. Atleast it wasnt good ol drippy. Get distracted by random bullshit that forcibly draws out the process of breaking the damn thing open, or alternatively, explore our collection of dank ass stuff or imagination
>>26755
Well we might as well index OP'S rod (you know what I mean) into our rod/gun kind syllidex
>>26777
Okay.
You combine your IMAGINATION with the LOTS OF DANK SHIT. You immediately find the following: BEST SHIP, MAGIC 8-BALL, and a CRAPPY RING OF NO CONSEQUENCE OR VALUE.
>>26806
You put your DICK into the riflekind/canekind STRIFE SPECIBUS. It recognizes it, and stores it in itself.
-1 DICK equipped
>>26821
Put 8 ball and ring into TBD. Enhance imagination with -5 Meta points?( i dunno what to do with all deez points mang)
>>26844
You captchalogue the MAGIC 8-BALL and the CRAPPY RING OF NO CONSEQUENCE OR VALUE into your TBD sylladex. The BEST SHIP sinks bank morosely into your IMAGINATION. You then apply your -5 META points to your IMAGINATION. It takes a hit and become WHIMSY. You are now at 0 META points.
>>26867
Combine ring and magic 8-ball
>>26888
You do your thing at the ALCHEMITER but you don't have enough GRIST to make whatever the fuck that item is going to be.
The timer is now at 1:00.
>>26894
Use pimp rod on the timer
>>26894
Take one for the team and do what needs to be done to THE MOUNTAIN DRAKE. That is, to be put plainly, go to sleep. Let your player two ABSTRACT NOTION OF ABSTRACTION take charge for a change
>>26906
You whack the timer with the PIMPIN' CANE. Your THIEF OF TIME powers activate, and the game is now PAUSED. No more SMILEYS because you got both of them. You're sure they won't be in some way important to you.
Soothing music begins playing.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_mh1D0bcWV0
((I am going to have to call it here, because it's 3 AM. Feel free to post commands, I'll resolve them tomorrow.))
Wait... Combine mountain drake with "Rod" and then equip the result.
>>26947
Combine U and 3 while turning the U sideways so it ends up looking more like (3
>>26947
Ill be waiting.
You unpause the game, but the timer is still stuck. Nice.
>>26950
You alchemize your DICK and your THE MOUNTAIN DRAKE. You get a MASSIVE COCK. Unfortunately, you need more Build Grist.
>>26995
Aight, you do so. You now have a PUERILE PAUSE PENIS. Why are you alchemizing various dicks again?
>>26920
All right, sounds like a good idea. You go to sleep.
You are now the ABSTRACT NOTION OF ABSTRACTNESS. You only have your THOUGHTS equipped. You are on the PLANE OF MIND. You feel like you shouldn't be here, since your CLASSPECT is wrong.
>>29179
Explore mind plane
>>32289
You explore the PLANE OF MIND. It looks like a bunch of empty space with glowing pinpoints of light. You don't know how to interact with them.
>>33218
Our name is from henceforth, Anna Nicole Ornstein-Niagara. Look for our copy of the game, otherwise, interact with lights baby. "Welcome back, sorry to keep you waiting."
>>33239
All right, you're now Anna Nicole Ornstein-Niagara.
You don't need to look for your SBURB DEBUG COPY because you're very organized.
You're standing in your room, which has a COMPUTER, and OBJECTS OF INTERESTS. You tried messaging your ______, Oscar Pentalope.
What are your interests, Anna Nicole Ornstein-Niagara? And since we're all assholes here, who is Oscar Pentalope to you?
>>33374
Captchalogue objects of interest. Deploy objects of sburb. Oscar Penelope is our ______.
>>33404
Your OBJECTS OF INTEREST are the following: MAGIC CUE BALL, a STATUTE OF GENTLEMANY WARLOCK, and a BEST SHIP.
You install the SBURB DEBUG EDITION onto your piMac, and deploy your own objects. You now have a CRUXTRUDER, ALCHEMITER, and a TOTEM LATHE in your room as well.
You're not sure about Oscar Penalope. You think he's your.... (come on man, YOU get to decide what he is to you).
Food
>>33493
Captchalogue cue ball, bullshit the cruxtruder open
>>34721
You captchalogue the MAGIC CUE BALL into your BLOOD SYLLADEX. You can only get stuff out of it when you're bleeding. So you better be ready to shank yourself or wait for that time of the month.
In other news, you haven't allocated a STRIFE SPECIBUS. You should fix that before you mess about with the CRUXTRUDER.
>>36018
worry about that later, for now set it to bloodkind
>>36018
mess the fuck with the cruxtruder, turn around and look at the rest of the room.
>>36018
look for the 1000 meta points we dropped earlier while we're at it
>>33493
Use your massive ego to open the Cruxtruder. Because as the female character you're automatically an overego'd bitch
>>36140
we're mALe!
>>36165
Read up, we switched to Anna Nicole Ornstein.
>>36165
Did we not just move characters or is Anna Nicole a guy??
>>36240
ANON is a male, and so is OP
>>36085
A-all right, you guess. You'll just spray blood at people, you guess.
>>36107
You mess with the CRUXTRUDER. But the lid remains sealed tight. You mess about with the wheel, but it doesn't seem to do much.
>>36116
Nah, they're in PARADOX SPACE. Maybe.
>>36140
You allocate your STRIFE SPECIBUS to emotionkind. But it doesn't recognize that as something valid. You guess it has to be a physical object that could conceivably be used as a weapon.
>>36165
Check your privilege.
>>36323
bloodinate the lid of the cruxtruder open, also check our inventory and stats to see what we have readily available. and the cruxtimer
>>36535
You spill some blood on the CRUXTRUDER and it pops open. Huh. Weren't expecting that to be honest. Anyway, your SEIZURE KERNEL pops out.
INVENTORY:
-4.5 pints of BLOOD
-MAGIC CUE BALL
-BEST SHIP "KAREZI"
-STATUTE OF GENTLEMANY WARLOCK
>>37087
combine sprite with cue ball, then remove best ship from your plane of existence due to its falsehood and degeneracy, aware itll probably end up in someone's imagination. throw statute against wall.
Blah. Another pause. I think I'll resume this next Friday.
