In honor of World Turtle Day, let us take a moment to look back on what could have been and pay our respects to the fallen.
>>74958616
farewell my old friend
>>74958616
more please
>>74960083
>>74958616
>be Jeb Bush
>wake up early in the morning
>feel depressed and empty
>sit up and open nightstand drawer
>pull out loaded .22 handgun and stick the barrel in my mouth
>suddenly remember today is Sunday Funday
>smile rushes to my face
>put gun back in drawer
>not today
>run downstairs
>Columba is standing in kitchen
>"Buenos dias, Jeb. Today will be an extra special Sunday Funday because I invited one of your friends to join us."
>she points at the kitchen table
>Donald Trump is sitting at the table pouring cereal into my favorite guacabowle
>"Good morning, Jeb. I like your pajamas" says Trump
>realize I'm still wearing my one-piece footie pajamas with turtle patterns
>"h-h-hi Donald"
>embarrassed
>"Hey Jeb, could you please bring me the milk?" asks Trump
>take milk out of refrigerator and walk towards the table
>trip on my toy turtle that I left on the floor last night
>fall down and spill milk all over the floor
>lying in a puddle of milk
>Columba screams, "ay dios mio, Jeb! I told you to put your turtles away after you're done playing with them."
>she takes off one of her shoes and begins spanking me with it
>curl into fetal position
>start crying
>Columba tells me to go upstairs for 15-minute timeout
>run upstairs
>get my gun
>aim it at my head
>pull trigger
>wake up in hospital 3 days later
>Donald Trump sitting at foot of my bed
>ask him what happened
>he tells me the bullet didn't kill me
>"How could I survive a headshot point blank?" I asked
>Donald Trump smiles and says:
>"The bullet you used was low energy"
>mfw
>>74958842
Should be
>Thats a loser not a winner it. cant swim
>>74960122
holy shit i feel really, genuinely bad for him
>>74958616
Press "F" to clap
>tfw live in New Hampshire
>tfw missed the oppurtunity to have Jeb Bush surprise me at the Dunkin Donuts when he was serving there
