After his wife clobbered him in the head with a half-eaten Taco Bell Burrito Supreme, a Florida man retaliated by jamming a fork into her hand, according to cops who arrested the couple for domestic violence.
Responding to a disturbance call early Tuesday, officers encountered Suzanne Hurlvert, 51, in the Crestview home she shares with Carl Owen Smith, 66.
Hurlvert, cops noted, had a fork protruding from her right hand, but was still “relatively calm and in good spirits.” Hurlvert told investigators that she and Smith had argued about his drinking, and that the dispute turned physical.
As the couple quarreled, Hurlvert allegedly hit Smith in the back of the head with the Taco Bell burrito. Cops noted that burrito remnants were “located on the floor, scattered on the sofa, and on a lamp shade.”
After being hit with the Burrito Supreme, Smith allegedly plunged a fork into his wife’s hand (Smith had been using the utensil to consume a Taco Bell pizza). The tines were so deeply embedded in Hurlvert’s hand that the fork had to be removed at a local hospital.
Smith, who was arrested at a nearby bar, and Hurlvert were each charged with felony battery counts. They are both free on $1000 bond, according to jail records.
http://thesmokinggun.com/documents/stupid/burrito-battery-prompts-fork-stabbing-658397
>>33577
>Married
>Different last names
Let's be honest, they were never committed anyway.
>>33577
>Florida
Does battery with a burrito really require a $1,000 bond? Is this a problem in some states?
>>33577
Thought it might not be Florida for a second... I thought it could be possible.
Also borrito*
>>33577
>A Florida man
Every fucking time. Is there something in the water?
>>33577
>a plastic fork?
>>33611
>Is there something in the water?
Yes.Alcohol.
Batterito? Burrsault?
>>33855
No, more likely it's Alligator Pee...
>>33907the alcohol is alligator pee
>Smith, who was arrested at a nearby bar...
That is some intense alcoholism when your first instinct when the police is called is to get more hammered.
>>33907
That's the origin of "Gatorade"!
This happened twenty miles north of me, and I'm not surprised.
What really shocks me is that Taco Bell does pizza.
Rest of it is the type of shit I expect from Florida.
>>33577
>Florida man
There is an entire Twitter account dedicated to the shenanigans of this "Florida man" and it's quite lulzworthy.
>>33611
>>A Florida man
>Every fucking time. Is there something in the water?
A lot of Florida is basically the deep south. Low to lower-middle class white people are fucking crazy. Anyone who grew up in a small "middle mericca" town can probably attest to this.
The reason why the stories come out so much is, as far as I know, Flordia has some weird laws involving arrests and privacy.
>>33577
This is incredibly funny
Never bring a burrito to a fork fight.
>>33577
>had argued about his drinking
hes 66 and shes 51
Is she just retarded or something? it's a little late to try changing a old man's ways. why even bother talking about it just leave or something.
>>34099
This. Moved to rural east Texas from Detroit, MI before it got too bad, and honestly, most people here are so batshit crazy I sometimes think we should've stuck it out in Detroit. I met this one woman who owned a ranch near me, from Michigan also, and she was as freaked out as I was. It's gotta be something in the water, or maybe the prolonged exposure to intense heat.
>>34111
You also don't change an old couple's way, apparently.
I'm an alcoholic, and I wonder how some manage to stay in a relationship. The stereotype of the alcoholic couple doesn't fit with most alcoholics I know.
tks 4 reading
>>34099
Plus all the meth labs.
Also apparently in...I think it was 2012, Florida had more cases of people arrested for public masturbation than every other state combined.
