What do you think of these lyrics I wrote for a song?
I am tangled in tresses.
Will the silvery sun undress us
Until those gilded leaves all fall at our feet.
In our fortress we're figuring out how the
Wind blows over the water
Walking with you and your wayward daughters
Your thoughts you brought along are now complete
you and I are singing
Feel free to post your lyrics, but give feedback to others too
Nobody likes lyrics in a vacuum, you honestly have to sing it in a song for anyone to judge it honestly.
>>66223283
Not OP, but I took a crack at it for him.
https://clyp.it/5ln3nqmv
Maybe a 6/10, but eh there's not really a lot of lyrics here.
>>66223509
Nice captain beefheart vibe
>>66223640
All thanks to your lyrics, pal.
>>66223283
here's how it sounds:
http://vocaroo.com/i/s0nmchR7AFTV
Im thinking about chaning "walking with you and your wayward daughters" to "smothered by mother nature's daughter"
>>66224188
>>66224188
bumping this for feedback
>>66224188
>>66224188
I woke in up in the middle of the night, still an animal in that instant
Damp cotton beneath my matted hair, I felt the hiss of metal fans
In the vents they spun feeding me air, workers who regulate them earning minimum wage
I should not be up at this hour, this wasn't foreseen
A tear in the veil that has eluded me
Memories of past noon lunches come storming in
Loud in the timeless void
Of thoughts, of words, of self conscious twitches, the infinite justification stripped away
>>66224652
Yikes man. Try singing these then rewrite them.
>>66224781
forgot to say it is a poem and not lyrics
bumping dis shit
