bad Pitchfork reviews
Images are sometimes not shown due to bandwidth/network limitations. Refreshing the page usually helps.
You are currently reading a thread in /mu/ - Music
You are currently reading a thread in /mu/ - Music
post bad Pitchfork reviews
>>64707147
they are all bad
>>64707147
Is there a good pitchfork review?
>>64707194
/thread
>>64707147
All of them
this one always irked me
>completely missing satire and rating the album entirely on deadpan, wry and sarcastic lyrics which you take at face value
>>64707147
Universal Themes lol
dont want to turn the thread into /Kanye/, but seriously
http://pitchfork.com/reviews/albums/329-relationship-of-command/
also anything written by meaghan garvey
Probably the A Moon Shaped Pool review when they give It less than a 9.5
Elephant in the room here:
>This isn't great music just like addled Youtube-ing isn't a great way to experience art
>>64707369
yeah
I'd put it in the 3.6/3.7 range
>>64707511
Goddamn do I miss the days when they weren't afraid to give reissues of widely-respected albums obligatory 10s.
>>64707552
same desu
I would probably enjoy it if it was anything but Pet Sounds, which aged extremely well imo
>>64707385
this article says otherwise, they're writing like brent agian
http://pitchfork.com/thepitch/1140-radioheads-a-moon-shaped-pool-the-5-most-important-things-to-know/
http://pitchfork.com/reviews/albums/8342-perdition-city/
Pitchfork confuses me. They on one hand will praise the shit out of mainstream pop acts then bash the shit out of smaller bands/musicians if they at any point lean toward pop as well. I don't know what they are aiming for.
>>64708311
Controversy
>>64707434
It was supposed to be 9.1
>>64707907
That album is cheesy as fuck and just overall terrible. It deserves lower.
reminder that this happened
>>64708411
I don't know what album that score is for, but odds are it's just part of a multi album reissue review where one of the albums had a 8.4+ score. Learn to p4k.
http://pitchfork.com/reviews/albums/21819-hopelessness/
Where is that image where that one reviewer over the course of two weeks gave 8+ scores to Haim, Chvrches, and some other girl pop band.
>>64707352
im a huge kanye fan but yeah this was a joke. the album was barely an 8
Funeral deserved the 10 over Yankee Foxtrot
>>64708411
Danse Manatee?
>>64708411
>>64708461
>>64708819
it's Weezer - Death to False Metal
>>64708411
This was the Pinkerton reissue that was released along that shitty compilation that no one cares about and whose name I can't even remember.
>>64707147
When they gave this album a 5 but then a 9 about 10 years later. Honestly fuck pitchfork.
So p4k should never give anything below a 7, lest the album turns out to be something people actually like.
Also, http://pitchfork.com/reviews/albums/20368-froot/ for telling you absolutely nothing about the album.
Never forget.
>>64707434
I don't even like tool that much, but 1.9 is a bit excessive. I'd give it a 4 at least.
What are some good Pitchfork alternatives?
Not that either album got bad scores, but We Are The 21st Century Ambassadors was praised for being "influenced" by classic rock, while each track is a blatant rip off of a more famous song, while Audio Video Disco was criticized for relying too heavily on a bygone era.
>>64707450
i think what you meant to say it's a big fat goose egg 0.0
>>64709189
Consequence Of sounds. Tiny Mix Tapes. People will kill me for this but Fantano is objectively a great reviewer.
Someone post the review of the old jazz album where the guy pretends to be a black guy
>>64708850
And it was reviewed with Pinkerton, which they gave a 10. That was the BNM, not DTFM.
TFW you the only person who doesn't read p4k reviews and just uses p4k for news.
>>64709260
The Village Vanguard. New York City. 1961.
We was sittin’ there watchin’ the stage. Waitin’ for the man they called Coltrane to come out and do his thing. It was me and my four droogs. Them bein’ Peter, Georgio and Dim; Dim being really Dim.
‘Round an hour’d passed and the place was packed straight through to the back. I’d just dropped some dollars for ‘Trane’s Giant Steps six months back. Now was the time, this was the place. The Village Vanguard. New York City. 1961.
I was only there for the first night, see, but them cats at Impulse! just made my life complete. They put out four CDs of all that sound ‘Trane put out those nights. But you know my type, man. Can’t afford to eat, let alone spend some heavy cash on music. So I only got the essential. Live at the Village Vanguard: The Master Takes is one disc, makin’ it one-fourth the cost of the box set. And you only get the best stuff.
Man, the opening beauty of “Spiritual…” It’s like a dream I had: I floated on the River Nile, smokin’ some fresh weed, relaxin’. But I ain’t ever gonna see the Nile anyhow. This track’s as close as I come, and it’s close enough. Best of the best, though, has gotta be “India.” It’s only when you listen to a perfect old jazz tune like this that you realize how much drum-n-bass is derived from this music. ‘Trane takes it to heaven and back with some style, man. Some richness, daddy. It’s a sad thing his life was cut short by them jaws o’ death.
Shit, cat. It don’t make a difference. The man produced enough good music to last me a lifetime. This Village Vanguard thing’s just another example of the genius of Coltrane.
>>64709361
Judging by their front page right now, they're a propaganda arm for Radiohead.
>>64709448
By no less than Ryan Schreiber, the fucking founder of Pitchfork
>>64707367
the hell ?
>>64709448
>weed
>1961
>>64709538
>1961
>band has two drummers
http://pitchfork.com/reviews/albums/8342-perdition-city/
>"black metal elitist reviews electronic music": the pitchfork article
one of the stupidest fucking things I've ever read on this website
>>64709578
oh pfft this was already linked here, my bad
That Frances the Mute album review triggered me so fucking hard. I don't really care much nowadays, but at the time I was livid
>>64709448
You can practically tell he was stoned when he wrote this
Never forget
Never forgive
Not p4k but just a reminder that this happened
http://www.rollingstone.com/music/albumreviews/in-the-aeroplane-over-the-sea-19980213
>>64708814
agreed. they completely missed the mark there. Funeral is an undisputed rock classic, does anyone even still listen to wilco?
this one always gives me a good laugh
remember: them disagreeing with your taste does not make their review bad
>>64713063
lmao
>>64713637
Not even a p4k guy but those reviews are written by two different people dummy. Why does everyone look at scores like their issued by some committee of people within the publication and not the individual writers
>>64707434
What.
Isn't that the album with Schism on it?
>>64714133
the scores are based on an average from the entire staff you retard
>>64708993
Holy shit
>>64714144
Don't know where the fuck you get that idea. Plenty of their stuff is reviewed by freelancers who aren't even staffed there
>>64714144
*citation needed
>>64713063
Fucking savage
I would say their reviews of Jet albums were pretty bad. The albums don't deserve critical acclaim but the reviewers turned into 5 year olds. The reviews were the kind of shit I expect if /b/ reviewed an album, not a "professional" website that people take seriously.
>>64714269
its on the site where it clearly explains it. the reviews are by single people obviously but the actual score is a group decision
>>64714367
>a "professional" website that people take seriously.
Herein lies the problem
>>64714400
I don't see that anywhere. I've never seen that as a matter of fact
http://pitchfork.com/reviews/albums/9464-shine-on/
>>64714400
>>64714144
Still waiting dumbass
>>64709466
judging by /mu/ right now, so are we
>>64714400
Yeah, can you send us the link to where it says this brother?
>>64708993
that album is trash though
>>64713637
>0.6
Where the actual fuck did they pull that number from!
"No don't be ludicrous, it's definitely not a 0.5 or a 0.7. This album is objectively a 0.6" so fucking dumb.
Top kek
If I get a band together with a cross dressing black guy to read my 15 year old sisters diary what do you think they'd give my puppet production? 9.3 bare minimum?
>>64715170
tool =/= cool
>>64709189
The Quietus
Regardless of what you think of the album the Painting With review was so fucking terrible
>>64707552
They were also pretty annoying in their pre-2005 "contrarian" years. Chances are if they were reviewing a classic album or a new album by an older artist, it would almost certainly get a lukewarm review.
I'm all for iconoclasm when it's warranted, but in those days, Pitchfork was fervently "LeRightGenershun"
Completely ignoring the score, the write up itself is just painfully bad. Incredibly juvenile and drenched in sarcasm from start to finish as if the writer is just far too intellectual for this sort of thing.
Never mind the fact that he critiques an abrasive industrial track while freely admitting that he listened to it in his fucking car.
>taking Pitchfork seriously
>taking Noisey seriously
Wew lads.
>>64707511
>an album released in the 60's doesn't have the same production quality of an album released in the late 90's
>>64716189
What the fuck
That is absolutely outrageous
>>64716290
>Never mind the fact that he critiques an abrasive industrial track while freely admitting that he listened to it in his fucking car.
Heh. One thing reviewers should be required to do is detail their listening gear.
So many albums that I once thought were just okay really come alive on a proper playback system. And so many albums that I once thought were good, turned to shit (loudness war mastering, and how the album is mastered should affect the review).
>white lady makes an album
>5.3
>black lady makes an album
>6.8
>white dude makes an album
>7.7
>black dude makes an album
>8.9
>>64714643
Touche, my nigga.
>>64716189
Yeah, people here are bitching about modern albums, but that's fucking outrageous. That album is so solid from front to back.
![94374dca2d[1].jpg](https://i.imgur.com/ytOrnbp.jpg "94374dca2d[1].jpg")
>>64714138
Yeah and it's not even the best song in there
>>64716671
wot /???
females especially those with penises get the p4k boost
>review starts with I hate this guy
>>64716976
I love the p4k reviews where the reviewer is definitely biased and has an axe to grind.
They're the best internet shitposts.
>>64709924
This. That review still makes me mad
>>64707147
Giving Tool's Lateralus like a 1 or a 2 comes to mind
Pitchfork loved doing this back in the day. As soon as a genre/style went out of fashion, they would almost automatically pan that group's next release, even if they were enthusiastically on board when the genre was "in."
Obligatory.
>>64707511
>>64717134
I love those deleted shitty reviews
Kid A and NYC ghosts and flowers are all great to read
>>64709448
>plagiarizing clockwork orange this hard
top cringe
>>64707232
Nope.
>>64714492
Absolutely juvenile. Regardless of the album's quality, this could be the worst review of anything ever.
>>64714367
i miss when p4k would post memes instead of reviews
they did it for the jet album and that black kids album too
>>64716100
http://pitchfork.com/reviews/albums/21333-painting-with/
fucking this! The review was so fucking bad that even avey had to correct the guy.
>>64717747
>even avey had to correct the guy
huh?
>>64717672
jesus fuck, and this is a score I agree with
>>64709189
Forming your own opinions
>>64716914
b/w femmes actually get lower scores than black dudes if you notice. I expected the opposite.
>>64717634
what the fuck
>>64707511
God damn, I can picture him cumming in his mouth after he post this.
>>64714581
>>64714400
this is really pissing me off because i remember reading the same thing on some sort of 'about us' page but i've been searching the site for like 20 minutes and can't find anything
>>64709255
CoS is the home of the inflated rating
they do have decent taste in what they choose to review though.
>>64707369
this 1 hurts
all of their autechre reviews, especially untilted
>>64718553
The review for Quaristice was actually wonderfully written. Mark Richardson really is one of their better writers.
>>64718252
you're referencing a blog post by a former writer.
too lazy to find it but the guy was salty so i don't think anything in it is admissible as fact.
>>64707367
except that she's the best writer they've ever had
>>64717860
>http://pitchfork.com/reviews/albums/21333-painting-with/
This.
>>64719288
I don't see where Avey corrected him. Even still, for someone who claims emotional attachment to the band it's ludicrous he would confuse Sung Tongs to Feels.
>>64709255
Fantano is brilliant for his medium, and succinctly operates around his own tastes. Don't know why that triggers people.
>>64719362
I would like Fantano more if he actually reviewed better stuff. His curation sucks because he's gotta get those views and $$$$
>>64716189
>>64716428
the funny thing is that record was on their top of the 70's
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gbwjfe5BbGc
Someone got paid to post that.
>>64719597
one of p4k's best desu
Obligatory
can't find the link as its been long since removed, but this is the review for Everclear's record.
Everclear
So Much For The Afterglow
[Capitol]
Rating: 8.2
When So Much For The Afterglow opens with a corny, Beach Boys spoof, one can only prepare for the worst. But I'm writing this review to let you know that you don't need to. Those 40 painfully kitschy seconds are the worst you'll endure for the rest of the disc. Right when you least expect it, A.P. Alexakis growls, "This is a song about Susan," and Everclear's trademark So-Cal pop-punk blasts from the speakers in a firey ball of triumph.
Afterglow is overflowing with exactly the same kind of catchy rock and roll these guys cranked out on Sparkle and Fade and their lesser-known debut, World of Noise. Alexakis' lyrics are almost poetic again as he sings about standard rock star stuff like the advantages of being broke and on drugs. The difference between Alexakis and the average rocker, as you probably know, is that he's been through it, so it comes across more like a diary than a fantasy. Yeah, we've heard the sob story a million times, but where modern rock has become infested (and recent associated) with crappy music, Afterglow boasts unfeigned dignity and some damn good songs, too.
-Ryan Schreiber
http://pitchfork.com/reviews/albums/6586-a-fever-you-cant-sweat-out/
They reviewed panic at the discos first album and it's great because the dude just makes fun of how awful the album is for the entire review. It's one of my favorite pitchfork reviews
>>64719262
you didn't fool me even for a second with this attempt at b8
>>64707147
now it's time for good p4k reviews
http://pitchfork.com/reviews/albums/2771-the-eminem-show/
>>64708814
I could have sworn Funeral got a ten. I can't think of a more obviously deserving album from the past 15 years
As much as i love godweensatan and think it deserves an even higher score,
quebec is much more cohesive of an album with less complete misses and non-songs
no mollusk or pod review either? smfh bitchfork
>>64723117
official ween rankings incoming
mollusk=pod
>
quebec
>
godweensatan=pure guava
>
chocolate and cheese=white pepper
>
12 golden country greats=shinola
>we dont talk about la cucaracha
>literally no actual critique
>just music buzzwords to look cool and edgy
>fucking 7.3
>>64722206
Madvilliany, In Rainbows?
>>64724051
white pepper is top 3
>>64723117
they gave Mollusk like a 9.8 but the review has been deleted
>>64710929
Don't Change Your Plans is a fucking masterpeice of a song
wtf p4k
The Beyonce s/t review marked the beginning era of propaganda pitchfork we have now
The Life of Pablo. Couldn't make it through the first paragraph of that one.
>>64717134
This is so fantastically shitty.
>>64707511
>this 1966 pop classic doesn't compare to the albums released nearly 40 years later
is this supposed to be a surprise, what a truly irrelevant criticism, leave any album alone 40 years and compare to the music of the time and of course it "doesnt stand up"
I fucking bet there ill be an article on pitchfork in 30 years talking about how kid A and loveless dont stand up
>>64722206
it got like a 9.7, and YHF deserved the 10
>>64724811
nah way before that
>>64722085
no b8, she's legitimately great. idk why she rubs so many ppl the wrong way.
>Let me tell you about my weekend. My best friend turned thirty this week, so I helped him organize a little get- together in a vacant warehouse, which we appropriated for the evening through one of his buddies. We rented some killer audio gear: two turntables, an 850 watt- per- channel amp, and a pair of speakers the size of Midwestern suburban refrigerators. My friend brought the keg and the lawn chairs and I brought my mixer and some records. Another friend showed some stop- motion super 8 films that he'd been working on. I played the cream of my beat- oriented crop and, I have to say, I've never heard music sound so good.
>And then, in the wee hours, when almost everyone had gone home, we pulled out the noise music and unleashed the most wicked and intense sonic assault I've ever had the pleasure of being scared shitless by. As the terrified pigeons that called the warehouse home whirled in the rafters above, the last of us were quaking in horror at the insanely confrontational sounds. It was heaven.
>So that was Friday. Saturday, I had to get on with my Pitchfork review duties so I sat at home and spun Dressy Bessy's new album Pink Hearts, Yellow Moons. Not surprisingly, it's been pretty hard to get into. This cutsie indie pop, with its girl- group style vocals, sing- songy melodies, jangly guitars and sunny outlook just seems so... I don't know... inconsequential.
P R O F E S S I O N A L
>>64725373
wow that review is actually awful, theres only one paragraph that isnt quoted here and thats the entire review LMAO
>>64707147
the upcoming panning of AMSP
>>64707147
>>64725373
>>64725422
In the interest of fairness here's the last paragraph I missed:
>At least the melodies are good, which is always the litmus test for indie pop, even if some of them are clearly derivative (especially "Lookaround," which is so similar to "Father and Son" that Cat Stevens, er... I mean Yusef Islam... should certainly get a songwriting credit.) There's plenty here as far as spunky energy (like the catchy, Go-Go's- style "Extra- Ordinary") but there's not a hell of a lot going on in terms of inspiration. And so I spent most of my evaluation time thinking about the next album I was going to listen to. I can safely attribute indifference here to one part bad timing (it's not really right, trying to dissect cuddly Kindercore pop when I want something that screams at my soul) and one part plain old mediocrity.
2/2
>>64718553
I think that review is pretty hilarious actually, but it would have been more successful if the writer added a bit more dialogue about the actual music, plus the dialectic was a bit muddy in terms of the two characters positions.
Still, not as bad as the Exai review which p much amounted to "it's too long :'("
>>64724435
White pepper is still an 8/10 album dont get me wrong its not top 3 tho
the grobe is top 10 ween tracks however
>>64724489
damn why would they delete that
>>64725235
I see no problem with this, maybe a bit too high.
>>64717634
lmao
>>64717398
that one is actually deserved tho
>>64717747
>http://pitchfork.com/reviews/albums/21333-painting-with/
>suffice it to say that I agree with Nietzsche when he said that it is man alone who suffers so deeply that he had to invent laughter.
wow
I'm still mad about this one. I honestly feel like Kimbra has a 10/10 album in her. This was at least an 8.8
http://pitchfork.com/reviews/albums/19635-kimbra-the-golden-echo/
>>64727053
wow
mariachi
>>64717398
i remember seeing a poster for them playing at some venue and thinking that was the worst band name i had ever seen
>>64708331
Ding ding
>>64719288
I'm honestly surprised they posted a correction. Journalistic integrity. Lol, wut?
>>64724051
>12 country greats at the bottom
full pleb
Remember this shit-show?
>>64728377
didn't they originally give it a 9, but then he badmouthed that journalist so they took it down and had someone else review it?
>>64728643
the "original review" (if there was one) was never posted, so no one knows what the score would have been.
>>64728643
I know they removed a rating before he spoke shit about them. I have no idea what it was, but it was definitely higher than a 6.
>>64728738
They didn't "remove a rating." They might have changed the score and rewritten the review due to the controversy, but the OG score/review was never posted or known.
>>64728817
Fair enough, my bad.
>>64716100
I was about to comment that yeah
>>64709189
Tiny Mix Tapes, Basementality, and le melon (if you want safe opinions)
>>64728984
tiny mix tapes covers some pretty obscure stuff but I don't like their attempts at humor and how they give every trap rap mixtape a 4/5
>>64708311
their articles are click bait word salads
>>64729029
They gave lemonade a 100 too lol what garbage
all critics are parasites that should be gassed
gas all liberals
what's up with p4k reviewing metal albums, but never giving them bnm even when they give it like an 8.4? the only bands I can remember getting a bnm are deafheaven and the ulver reissues
>>64727053
boils me up
>>64729160
did you see vektor got an 8.2 no bnm? :^)
>>64729469
I could see that, doesn't vektor have a female member?
>>64729469
>>64729514
nvm, I was thinking of a different band
>>64707147
Jason Josephes.. Worst contrarian known to man after this.
>>64713018
Lots of people you fucking idiot. Wilco is amazing.
>>64729791
Foxtrot is their only amazing album, everything else is just average.
http://pitchfork.com/reviews/albums/2260-deftones/
>>64719335
avey corrected him on an instagram post
>>64729848
As much as i love deftones there's like 4 decent tracks on this album.
The review itself fucking sucks but i dont think the score isnt fair.
>>64717672
this really pisses me off with reviewers, and it seems to happen a decent amount with AnCo. Like, we get it, they have some weird ass shit, but how does sounding like a new age hippie who feels that bath salts will save the dolphins in the oceans who's high on acid explain anything
>>64729848
It's probably the worst deftones album but even then it's a 6 at least
>>64728377
fucking a this pisses me off, this album is better then benji, but since kozelek badmouthed people in an admittedly dumbass move, everybody shit on it for...?
ITS LITERALLY BENJI 2.0 DO YOU EXPECT HIM TO MAKE FUCKING KRAUTROCK OR SOMETHING
>>64709448
Shit cat
>>64714492
kek
This is maybe the best thing they've ever done
>>64716083
They're so contrarian and pretentious, I can't stand reading their reviews. I have discovered some really good music from their year end best of lists tho
>>64717672
Is every critic a failed author?
>>64729160
I think Converge has gotten BNM
>>64715170
To be fair, that was a joke review.
>>64730339
Really? I can't think of many "contrarian" opinions they've held.
>>64717398
this album is actually fucking amazing tho
>>64717672
Is this a pre-4chan greentext story disguised as a review? I'd actually like to see that.
http://pitchfork.com/reviews/albums/5117-de-loused-in-the-comatorium/
lest we forget
>>64729707
yep
>>64731591
To be fair, Pitchfork seems to hate prog on principle.
>>64709189
Hipersonica (in Spanish)
>>64707326
YES!!! It was no Benji, but it had some of my favorite moments in any folk album in the past
5 years.
>>64708500
agreed
>>64729788
I actually like this review. If you can't listen to the album then you can't enjoy the album. Why should an unenjoyable album receive anything more than a 0.0?
>>64732178
Because when you're a reviewer of any type of art, you're supposed to put in the effort to experience that art in the proper way. This guy just said "i don't feel like listening to this" and gave it a 0.
>>64708746
When the best songs(2) on your album are the best because of features, then your album is a lot lower than 8. I miss the backpack, Lo jead, louis v, mama couldn't get through to me Kanye
>>64721507
That's a solid album though
>>64720090
>also obligatory
