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Anonymous
2015-12-31 16:28:47 Post No. 61390473
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Anonymous
2015-12-31 16:28:47
Post No. 61390473
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God fucking damn it, what's with all the people obsessed with Sufjan? When I was in college, I had a roommate. Dude was fat, smelly, and obsessed with Sufjan Stevens. He had Sufjan t-shirts, Sufjan posters, a Sufjan plushie, and, I swear to God, he had a Sufjan body pillow. Every fucking conversation we had, he turned it into a Sufjan Stevens conversation. I wanted to punch him so bad, but I couldn't. I have anger issues, and fucking up just once could get me out of college. But honestly, sometimes I thought I'd gladly pay that price for punching that fat motherfucker in the face. I kept finding Suffy pictures EVERYWHERE. Some of them were covered in dry cum. Every night I heard him jerking off. Was disgusting as fuck.
One time he said to me: "Hey Anon, we are having music night this Friday, are you cool with that?" I had an all night party that Friday, so I allowed that, but only if his buddies wouldn't touch any of my stuff. At all.
Long story short - party got cancelled, and I had to go back to my room. What I saw could not be described. Four pasty fat nerds, watching reruns of a Suffy concert, eating Cheetos, and covering everything with orange dust. One of those fat fucks was smoking, another was wearing a big pink suit with 'PREDATORY WASP' on the buttocks. And they were sitting on my bed. That's right, those fuckers were sitting on my fucking bed, covering it in Cheetos dust, cigarette ash and sweat. They didn't notice me, because they were too busy watching the concert. I was about to scream bloody murder and punch them, when Sufjan appeared on the screen. All four pulled their dicks out in one synchronised motion and started to masturbate. I wish I was making this up. Even today it comes back to haunt me in my dreams.
I gave my roomate a concussion, knocked a few teeth out of the others, and shattered suit guy's kneecap. Got into serious trouble, but my lawyer pulled my ass out of the fire. I fucking hate Stevens.
