Howdy, partner!
What you see here began as a series of comedy-centric stories with the concept of an alicorn-ascended Princess Applejack trying to change a mismanaged Equestria for the better by humorously interacting with the other, quite lazy, princesses.
Not to mention a whole bunch of Changelings with nothing better to do but cause mischief.
The whole thing was set in motion by this gem:
~~~~~
>So, wait, why am Ah' a princess again?
>Because you seem to be the only goddamn one of those ponies who gets that a Princess need to do actual work regarding maintenance of the kingdom. You know how much city planning or trade negotiations Twilight or Luna have done? Fucking nothing. Everyone is obsessed with the world ending threats they think I should fight, but the minute I point out the free health care I have to work to maintain everyone goes quiet. And don't even get me started on Cadence, who can't even manage a basic meeting with the Equestrian Games representative. Fucking annoying. Go do actual princess stuff, because apparently everyone else got the pamphlets mixed up or something and thinks "Princess" means "Beat cop."
~~~~~
Are you feeling creative? Try your hand at writing a story! No contribution is too small and we love having new folks around.
If you're more artistically inclined give a drawing or sketch a shot. Don't fret too much; it doesn't have to be fancy and we appreciate artwork a lot.
If that isn't your style either, writers always need feedback. So tell us what you liked - and what you didn't - to help us improve.
If you are unsure about anything, do not be afraid to ask. We will gladly bring you up-to-date or explain anything you feel is unclear.
Thread 115! Last thread of the year, everybody hop on before we crash the Appletree!
1. https://archive.today/f0oQ3
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51.desustorage.org/mlp/thread/20740272/
52.desustorage.org/mlp/thread/20855918/
53.desustorage.org/mlp/thread/20948915/
54.desustorage.org/mlp/thread/21045744/
55.desustorage.org/mlp/thread/21159397/
56.desustorage.org/mlp/thread/21278151/
57.desustorage.org/mlp/thread/21405993/
58.desustorage.org/mlp/thread/21510114/
>>25893946
59. desustorage.org/mlp/thread/21619890/
60. desustorage.org/mlp/thread/21715642/
61. desustorage.org/mlp/thread/21858107/
62. desustorage.org/mlp/thread/21945390/
63. desustorage.org/mlp/thread/22007346/
64. desustorage.org/mlp/thread/22086019/
65. desustorage.org/mlp/thread/22152409/
66. desustorage.org/mlp/thread/22223659/
67. desustorage.org/mlp/thread/22274618/
68. desustorage.org/mlp/thread/22337892/
69. desustorage.org/mlp/thread/22395817/
70. desustorage.org/mlp/thread/22458614/
71. desustorage.org/mlp/thread/22571091/
72. desustorage.org/mlp/thread/22651546/
73. desustorage.org/mlp/thread/22736626/
74. desustorage.org/mlp/thread/22828938/
75. desustorage.org/mlp/thread/22908818/
76. desustorage.org/mlp/thread/22963669/
77. desustorage.org/mlp/thread/23030892/
78. desustorage.org/mlp/thread/23102420/
79. desustorage.org/mlp/thread/23200765/
80. desustorage.org/mlp/thread/23282365/
81. desustorage.org/mlp/thread/23369224/
82. desustorage.org/mlp/thread/23443675/
83. desustorage.org/mlp/thread/23520799/
84. desustorage.org/mlp/thread/23581564/
85. desustorage.org/mlp/thread/23656624/
86. desustorage.org/mlp/thread/23764354/
87. desustorage.org/mlp/thread/23878745/
88. desustorage.org/mlp/thread/23973977/
89. desustorage.org/mlp/thread/24059974/
90. desustorage.org/mlp/thread/24160401/
91. desustorage.org/mlp/thread/24245691/
92. desustorage.org/mlp/thread/24333335/
93. desustorage.org/mlp/thread/24423649/
94. desustorage.org/mlp/thread/24476469/
95. desustorage.org/mlp/thread/24523227/
96. desustorage.org/mlp/thread/24574722/
97. desustorage.org/mlp/thread/24626415/
98. desustorage.org/mlp/thread/24690967/
99. desustorage.org/mlp/thread/24759374/
100. desustorage.org/mlp/thread/24814923/
101. desustorage.org/mlp/thread/24894930/
102. desustorage.org/mlp/thread/24958159/
103. desustorage.org/mlp/thread/25046878/
104. desustorage.org/mlp/thread/25132701/
105. desustorage.org/mlp/thread/25222467/
>>25893956
106. desustorage.org/mlp/thread/25301100
107. desustorage.org/mlp/thread/25385359
108 desustorage.org/mlp/thread/25460161
109 desustorage.org/mlp/thread/25529408
110 desustorage.org/mlp/thread/25616096
111 desustorage.org/mlp/thread/25673487
112 desustorage.org/mlp/thread/25717170
113 desustorage.org/mlp/thread/25779356
114 desustorage.org/mlp/thread/25832901
Here is full archive of ALL the stories in condensed, easy-to-read form with all chatter in-between removed.
Check out the pastebin here:
http://pastebin.com/u/PrincessApplejack
Curious what happened last time, or just wanna know what happens during an active thread?
Check out the previous thread here:https://desustorage.org/mlp/thread/25832901
You are completely new and have no idea what is going on? There is a wikia with an overview of all characters, a complete timeline, previous thread recaps and explanation of the various concepts used in these stories!
Check out the wiki here:http://princess-aj.wikia.com/wiki/Princess_Applejack_Wiki
Confused about when a character first showed up or who they are? Want to know when an arc started?
Check out character notes and details here :
https://docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/1PsMAwLcIdC3IYxezAV9Ko4neEguNvc3eQqQqiTCxdDs/edit#gid=2119378650
We have begun working on a big project to fix up old stories and make this crazy world more coherent and accessible to new readers who don't like the thread format.
Check out the 'Princess Applejack: Re-Cut Edition' here: https://docs.google.com/document/d/15cv3kqExr_vOM0JkUh4dqnvVKxJ5Z-P1KHwE8Z7aG0k/edit?usp=sharing
And finally, while most of the thread is very much clop free, we have a pastebin in case you're feeling a little more naughty with your writing, find it here. http://pastebin.com/u/PrincessAJAfterDark please upload any like it to a pastebin so they can be added out of thread.
And above all else, enjoy your stay at /paj/!
First for Pinkie!
First for Sexy Hooves.
And APPLE PRIME.
>>25894016
>>25894018
>10 seconds
SO CLOSE sexy hooves guy, SO CLOSE!
>>25894016
You fucker.
>>25894031
>Early
...What end of the planet are you on? Here in the land where eagles fly, it's like six o clock..
>>25894129
Eh it's just a filename. But it is almost midnight here in Britbongistan.
>AJ
"Big Mac"
~~
>HGNH!
"GRNNN!"
>AH!
"HGGGNN!"
>Is that all you got?! Put yer' back into it!
"GUH!"
>Ah'm not gonna friggen break here, Ah' need you ta' give it all you got and now!
"E-EEEYUP! NNGH!"
>Come on! That's it! That's it!
"HHHGGNNN!"
>Come on, little more, little more!
"GAD-DANG-SHUT-UP!"
>Almost there! Allmooooost!
"EEEEEEEEYYYYUP!"
>THAT'S IIIIIIIIITTTTTTTTTT!
CRACK!
>...
"..."
>One piece o' this armor mess down! About... sixteen more ta' go! Ya' got another round in you?
"FUCK THIS!"
>Knew you weren't a stallion that lasts! Hrmph!... Might need ta' go down ta' the train station for some real big fellas.
"..."
>Ah' said it!
"...let's go again."
>Now yer' talking! Annnd... GO!
"HRN! Gaddang it, yer' gonna BE the DEATH o ME!"
>Ah, ya' know ya' love it. NOW PUSH!
"EEEEEEYUP!"
>>25894018
6th for APPLE PRIME who has Sexy E V E R Y T H I N G
10 OUTTA 10 WOULD HAVE FACE SAT ON WOULD HAVE HIPS PULVERISED BY APPLEBUCKING THIGHS WOULD HAVE CONSENSUAL MARRIED SEX IN THE MISSIONARY POSITION FOR THE SAKE OF PROCREATION
>>25894129
>>25894142
Greetings from Germany, you glorious fucks! Let us all join hands in... uh... what're we holding in high esteem again?
Nevermind! Merry Holidays, soon to be New Year and all that! And here's to many more, Prost! I'll drink one on you, all of you, during celebrations!
>>25894230
Almost lewd sibling teasing. I like it.
>>25894281
Right
Weird question
But fuck it, it's Christmas
Given the mane 6 in this pseudo universe we created: How many of them have had sex at this point?
>>25894321
Same as the show, I guess? Since everything in their lives up till around Rainbow Falls is the same, the split happened right there.
Nobody has had sex on-screen since the series started, so whoever you think had it before then, I guess?
>>25894256
Spotted the nazi!
...Oh, not you, I'm talking about "Gas the lings" guy.
Come on, lets not beat around the bush here.
Pinkie Predictions!
>Applejack needs to keep her head on straight,
>Twilight loses the keys to her Juggernaut,
>Two can't sit still,
>Chrysalis can see forever,
>Zecora tries to stop rhyming with catastrophic results,
>Luna feels like she missed something,
>Celestia discovers her hair is not a flotation device,
>They're trying to catch Dash flying dirty
>Pinkie just can't take it anymore!
>Icy fanservice!
>>25894716
Oooh I'm going to need to add that image to the collection if there's a bigger version.
>>25894716
>Celestia discovers her hair is not a flotation device,
Given her and Shiny's pasttimes, I'm surprised she hadn't already clocked it
>>25894826
Here.
>>25894230
>AJ
"Sunset"
~~~
>Alright, mah' brother just ain't workin' here, Ah'm ready ta' seek outside help with this.
"...Uh, not that I'm not flattered, but-"
>Just shut up and get workin'!
"Um... h-how-"
>Use yer' friggen horn! Or hooves! Or bite it, Ah' don't care, just get goin'!
"I uh... this seems kinda sudden-"
>Oh fer' lands sakes! It ain't complicated! Just do what comes natural here!
"I... I uh..."
>Ain't ya' got magic for this!?
"...Well I'm pretty sure every unicorn learns how to use magic for this. It's like... probably the first thing a teenager thinks about when they have magic, but-"
>So get going!
"I... I uh..."
>Seriously!?
"W-well this is just so sudden and-"
>UGH! Fine! Ah'll go get someone else ta' help me get the dang armor off!
*LEAVES!*
"...OHHHHHHH! OHHHH! She was... so THAT'S why she was shaking her flanks in front of... OHHHHHH!... Oh... oh.... huh, no matter how you look at this, I still blew it. Way to go, Sunny, way to go."
>>25895061
At this rate AJ is going back to Canterlot with bits of leafy pauldron still stuck to her
>>25895061
You're such an adorable dork, Sunset.
But be a dear and pick up all that spaghetti you just dropped.
>>25895061
I don't know why, but I find the fact that all of it stayed stuck on her after the battle the funniest part of this.
Even when magic goes her way, she still messes it up.
>>25895179
Speaking of her magic, did we establish what the Appleseeds do, and I missed it?
They're EOH based and they seemed to be more benign than the Apple was, what do they do though?
So
What does AJ look like right now, I need an accurate summary of her physical description
>>25895061
Hehe. I must join in.
>"AJ"
>"???"
-----
>"Alright, yer a guard, ah know ya can help me here."
"Princess? With what? I'll do my best!"
>"Oh... no wait, maybe... where's ya friend? He's probably a mite stronger than ya. No offence or nothin', but mah brother couldn't even do me right."
"Um... Brother? Princess, I'm not sure I understan... Wait, ouch. I didn't think I was that bad."
>"Nah, s'not nothin' against ya, jus' yer friend, he's probably better equipped, ya know?"
"I--hey! I-I'm not that small! I-I'm more than equipped... still, this is an odd conversation..."
>"Nah... don't think so, lookin' at ya properly. Yer jus'... ah dunno, ya got spirit but y'aint all stallion where it counts, ya know?"
"H-hey! I'm plenty stallion! I-I only got mistaken for a mare t-twice today! And that was j-just because they saw me from behind..."
>"Well... ah suppose so. Hope ya can handle all o' this."
"P-princess, I-I... well, er... This is very odd. N-not everyday a Princess comes and tells you she... n-needs you."
>"Well yer a guard aint'cha? As good as any, if not better, even if yer more girly than mah sister, ya still been worked hard a'fore, no?"
"Heh... er, I.. guess?"
>"Good! So let's get started!"
"...Uh, here? R-right here, i-in the street?"
>"Sure. Just grab somethin' an' start."
"...O-oh wow... er... I-I... "
>"Landsakes, yer shakin' harder than a tree caught in the wind. Jus' grab a piece of mah armour an' pull, its gotta come off!"
"...OH. Oh okay! T-that's what you needed?! I can do that! N-not... er, that other t-thing I totally wasn't thinking about... in d-depth... very... round, graspable... Er, sorry."
>"What're ya on about?"
"N-nothing... uh, P-princess, hold still?"
>"Holdin'!"
"Oh... bloody hell, h-how am I gonna start this... With this piece, I guess?"
>>25895258
>A little battle-worn from the shots Chrysalis got in
>Wearing tree-like, thick plant armor with roots holding it together and covering her, possibly going up to her horn but not covering her cheek, as Chrysalis hit that, but for sure covering her limbs and chest.
>No coverings mentioned on her wings.
>Part of the armor is cracked or broken off from her attempts to get it loose.
>She may or may not still have her hammer, which is a root wrapped around a big ass rock... probably not. She probably didn't bring that.
>>25895286
And the hat
The hat that I believe was brought into being by blessed little Applebloom
LAST THREAD RECAP, THE ULTIMATE SHOWDOWN OF ULTIMATE DESTINY EDITION!
>Luna is offended by what Sweet Note said, but drops it when she sees Celestia packing a swimsuit while talking about going to the Empire. That seems more important. So she goes off to confront Shining about this.
>To her dismay, the portal to the Empire is closed. Still at least she gets to see Celestia with her hoof stuck in a pickle jar.
>Discord talks to Twilight about just snapping his fingers and giving Spike wings. He refuses, for chaos reasons
>But it seems Twilight has a solution, a mutagen of some kind, but she won't use if for way more obvious reasons.
>Chitania, while using her changeling detection abilities to search for 29, finds a changeling alright, just not the one she was looking for.
>77 is not amused, it's the middle of the damn night.
>Also, he missed all of that, because he is a heavy sleeper.
>Chitania brings him to a less than enthused 13 before setting out again.
>Red is happy everyone else is leaving, but convinces primrose to stay.
>42 and SA spar and talk about the populance being worried. Along the way, 32 mentions that if SA were being mind controlled like they fear, she'd punch Chrysalis.
>Twilight tries to cheer up Rarity to little effect.
>Dadling cheers up an upset Batmom, who is being kicked out during the investigation, with promises of beach sex.
>Chitania can't divine 29, likely due to Sunset, so she picks another method to find him, turning into a bloodhound to sniff him out.
>Yes, she still has terrible stupid colors.
>Cadence still won't pay attention to Shining.
>Fluttershy leaves 7, promising to tell Chrysalis he's alive.
>Lavan agrees to go fix 88's eyes, but he needs to take her somewhere else to do it.
>Chitania finds 29, but is blinded by Trixie's lights.
>A chase ensues throughout Ponyville, with Pommel and Sunset trying to stop Chitania in her Titan form from catching 29, to little avail. They can't phase her, and Sunset can't drain her.
1/5YESFIVE
>>25895665
>But it all proves pointless, as she accidentally herds him into the mob. Or not accidentally. Just mobs are involved.
>Fluttershy meets back up with Twilight and Rarity, and hears what happened.
>The CMC's adventures come to a close! After a long, hard, fierce fought battle, theyyyyy... completely fail to pull out the spears and stop the golem before it prepares it's earth destroying attack.
>But thankfull, they don't have to! Because none other than the greatest their of them all VEKIR is there to save the day and run off!
>The Golem collapses, and the day is saved!... And it turns out the CMC have been going the wrong way this whole time.
>Because of course they have.
>Oh, and Vekir runs off with the legendary spears, because of course she does.
>Finders keepers.
>Jetset has a... phasing accident involving a branch, let's just say.
>BUT FOR THE MAIN EVENT AND HOLY SHIT IT'S BIG!
>Applejack's threat of killing her carry's over, even if she didn't think she actually could do it. She knows how bad it sounds, but also accepts there is a bigger picture to this than just the Queen.
>This comes to Chrysalis's dismay. She had been hoping that Applejack would snap out of being crazy without the Apple. Even as Applejack continues to threaten her, she knows what she has to do now.
>Which, to AJ's horror is stick the apple in her mouth to bite it, but she stops from biting down when Applejack screams in horror and declares to Chrysalis that she just destroyed Equestria.
>Despite her thoughts, she asks Applejack to continue. AJ tries to be vague about it and tells Chrysalis just to trust her, but she won't no matter what is said. She tries enough she becomes angry, and in a fit of that anger she lets it slip that the changelings aren't safe.
>Chrysalis puts together what the Apple can do soon after that.
2/5FUCKINGFIVE
>>25895681
>While initially horrified she was mind controlled, Chrysalis eventually begins to think of all she could do with a magic that lets anything she say be taken as absolute fact. Her dreams grow bigger and bigger, until she has thoughts of a world as she envisions it.
>But, when she gets to Shining Armor, something happens.
>The thought of using it on him, or any of the CE, honestly seems to disturb the Queen, to affect her so much that she loses focus for just a second, and loosens her grip on the Apple long enough for Applejack to strike it out of her mouth.
>"Ah' believe this is mine"
>With that settled, she drags Chrysalis into the cave with the Tree of Harmony to keep her safe while she goes to 'save Equestria'. But Chrysalis won't stay down, unwilling to let Applejack use the apple on Shining.
>When Aj argues her, Chrysalis says there has to be another way.
>Applejack is enraged by this, asking her why she always has to take the hard road when it clearly doesn't why. Why not take the easy road that would fix it once, fix it forever for sure, instead of the slow way that keeps getting sent back to square one all the time?
>More to the point, Applejack brings up that all of this, the suspicion and fear, is because of Chrysalis. Without the invasion, this wouldn't even be an issue.
>She does not deny that, instead accepts that it's her fault. Still, Chrysalis can't give up, because Shining believed in her when she said she would not make it worse. When Applejack asks why that's so important, Chrysalis claims she can never understand.
>The argument rages, but eventually Chrysalis declares that if she wants to leave, she had to knock her out by hitting her in the head. She grabs on and will not let go otherwise.
>AJ says that every second she holds her, the changelings are in danger, but she won't let go.
>We don't see what happens, but AJ later walks to Ponyville, alone, still thinking she needs to use the Apple to make everyone understand.
3/5SOMUCH
>>25895699
>She comes to the town to find them in the middle of accusing Twenty Nine of being an infiltrator and forcing him with the others despite his protests.
>Seeing such a familiar place with such familiar ponies acting so teribly wrong strikes a chord in her, hitting her deeply when she realizes that all that fear, all of it, was her fault, and it was her fault because they can't believe in her anymore.
>She eventually speaks up just before the changelings can leave, asking them to stay just long enough for her to say her piece.
>She talks to the town about how much it meant to her when she was the dependable one, when she was someone they could always count on no matter what. When she became a princess, she was always afraid of changing, and at some point, she must have.
>She admits she knew about the thing with 18, and didn't care. It was working, taking some of the burden off and making her life easier. That was all she ended up caring about, getting it done so she could move on because otherwise it seemed like the work would never stop.
>She admits her fears about the changelings, and her disgust at herself for waiting so long to help fix their reputation.
>And, finally, she admits that if they don't believe in her, this isn't going to work. Being a princess is built on them trusting her, that's why they pay taxes and the like. If they don't, then she needs to call it quits.
>And, throughout all of it, she never uses her words in a way that could set off the Apple.
>Finally, she asks, if they can believe in her.
>Some do.
>Some don't.
>There is no one belief.
>...and that is fine.
>Afterwards she asks the changelings if they can forgive her for abandoning her, if they still think she can help them or should she just give up.
>Some still believe in her, some don't. There is no one thought.
>And that is just fine.
>But, they do concede that maybe they should just wait until the Queen says something. They can give her that much, at least.
4/5SOFUCKINGMUCH
>>25895722
>She didn't fix everything in an instant, it's not all done.
>But Applejack has won.
>She's planted her seeds, and she's going to help them grow.
>Afterwards, she meets up with Chrysalis, who is revealed to have dragged herself clear from Everfree.
>They talk, and Applejack reveals that all through it, she wanted to just stop and use the Apple, to get it over with and be done. She reveals the temptation was so strong, and it still is now. Finally, she asks if that's what it's like for Chrysalis.
>Chrysalis responds "...Yes. Every Day."
>They both conceded they need to get rid of the Apple, only Applejack accepts she can't do it. It's too tempting, and she wants to use it still even now.
>Chrysalis understands, and Applejack asks her how she gave it up.
>The Queen admits she couldn't... not alone.
>They burn the apple away, Applejack giving the Queen magic to do so, and Aj prepares to leave.
>But Chrysalis stops her, and reveals that inside of the Apple had been strange seeds. Ones that were glowing like the Apple was, but seemed less... malevolent.
>AJ aks her why she revealed this, and Chrysalis said it might just be best sometimes to be a little... 'honest'.
>When she gets them, a strange 'something' passes by AJ's vision.
>Thanks are had, and the princess tells Chrysalis that Shining was right to believe in her.
>They shake hooves and it seems like something has changed.
>Aj sets off to get the changelings to the Empire, but Chrysalis is going to just fly home, leaving the lings in her care. Before she leaves, however, she has to point out that Applejack's armor is a little late for Nightmare Night.
>That's right, she was wearing the armor the whole time.
>They both laugh, and set off on their ways. AJ to get the Armor off and get the lings home, and Chrysalis...
>To the place where everybody knows her name.
>The hard part isn't over, Applejack knows it, it's going to be a long road...
>But she won't walk it alone.
>>25895730
Well, I had to cut it down, but it all fit in five! Yay!... Yes, those last fours are all EXACTLY 2000 characters. Fuck.
As always if I missed anything, you know what? Have some holiday cheer and be kind to an anon, he does what he can, and give the gift of telling me what it was I missed.
I'll accept that it's a day late,You thoughtless bastard.
>>25895741
Has anyone actually ever called recap anon out for missing something?
I ask not because I think someone would, just curious. He works hard.
>>25895215
My guess?
Whatever we want to do that would be fun.
>>25895215
they came from the apple, so I'd say... apples of truth? eat one and you're forced to tell the truth for an hour? when turned into cider it becomes a literal truth potion.
But first, she has to plant them
>>25895823
I think maybe once? If that? It was the smallest thing though if I'm remembering correctly.
>>25895940
Of course.
>>25896018
Now that's interesting....
>>25895823
Minor quibbles here and there
>>25896018
Oooooh, maybe they all do something unique, and she has to plant one in every city in Equestria.
ROAD TRIP!
>>25896287
>each one grows/dies with the honesty of the area it's planted in
>Applejack has to plant the seed as a progress bar, then fix the major problems of the city with discussion, ah have a questions, and paperwork, as well as actually politicking and making things better on a personal level
>Canterlot is the hardest tree to grow because of Pennydrop's fuckery
YES
WE HAVE A PLAN OF ACTION POST BEACH EPISODE
>>25896287
>nd she has to plant one in every city in Equestria.
I really like the 'everything does something special' for some reason.
Lets us go nuts with honesty powers.
>>25895823
Yeah, he's left out some of my stories from time to time. It's happened at least 3 times for me. I get annoyed of course, but it's an easy mistake and I'm not going to put him to the gallows for it. I just put in my own recap line when it does.
>>25895823
>Has anyone actually ever called recap anon out for missing something?
Called him out? I think only one guy ever did that, but I don't remember it being overly harsh. He's missed stuff plenty, though. Especially if it's a canon in omakes or if it's in an unusual format(I know, funny right?)
Everybody makes mistakes though, especially in threads like these.
>SA
"18"
~~~~
>...Soooo, what do you think happened?
"She ate a bomb? One made out of rocks?"
>...
"It's what it looks like!"
>Uh huh... how is she?
"Still unconscious and I'm still finding a lot of gravel in her ears... it's just... IN there!"
>Not comforting.
"Do you want comfort or honesty?"
>...Conesty? Can I have that?
"No."
>Aw.
"...She'll be fine."
>You sure-
"Trust me, if there's one thing I'm sure about, is that no matter what you hit her with, she won't stay down."
>...thank you, Eighteen.
"You can just keep hitting, and hitting and hitting and hitting and hitting and she won't die she just won't die-"
>Ruining it.
"I CAN'T HELP IT!"
>>25896608
Be nice, Shiny... she has seen some shit.
>>25896608
>"Do you want comfort or honesty?"
Be fair, ask AJ how that went.
>>25895305
>The hat never even got knocked off her head while she was raising hell
I love it.
>>25897263
NC
>Chrysalis
"AJ"
~~~~~
>...
"What?
>...
"WHAT!?"
>...how did that stay on?
"Power of Apples."
>...
"Don't you-"
YANK!
"OW OW OW!"
>...did you glue this on your head?
"...fuck you."
...I think Applejack needs to be stuck in her armor until the beach episode finally gets going. When she sees chrysalis again she's the only one who can take it off
Chrysalis makes it as sexual as possible to tease AJ
>>25897601
You just made me realize that nobody has STILL asked her about why she's wearing that.
>>25897601
I vote for the because reasons!
>>25897697
...That's just utterly hilarious to think about. Everyone just totally bypassing it.
>>25897864
Everyone is just afraid to be the one to say they see her new duds.
It's an inverted Emperors New Cloths scenario.
>>25897697
It's especially weird because Big Mac, Granny, Sunset and QS saw it, but they have absolutely no questions as to why she has it. Just that it's there.
Just... oh! Okay! Applejack has fuckoff armor, and she wants it off. yep! That's a thing!
>SP
"41"
>So uh...maybe we can still make it to the lucha show...
"..."
>Like, we'd just need to get back to the Crystal Empire, trains are fast, we can do that. Then we just have to show you to your Queen, 'Hey Queen Bitch of Bitchiness of All Time, 41 front and center', then we sprint for the portal back to Canterlot, take a late train to Los Pegasus, and...uhm...we can maybe catch like...
"..."
>The last thirty seconds? If we leave now...
"..."
>Ok! Ok, well, we could definitely get some autographs, maybe their merchandise table would still be open. Souvenirs! Souvenirs are cool, right? Right.
"..."
>...41.
Grab. Hug.
>Hrk!
"...it's ok."
>...ya sure?
"I'm sure."
>Hey...
"Yeah?"
>I'm gonna make this up to you.
"How?"
>I'll just...I'll find a way. It's going to be pretty damn hard but...I'll find a way, okay?
"...okay."
>Cool.
"Cool."
>...
"...dude, I totally poked Chitania in the eyeball!"
>You totally did, that was sick!
"That was pretty sick, wasn't it!"
'What was that?'
>"NOTHING MRS. THE TITAN!"
'That's what I thought.'
>>25898201
...are they our Romeo and Juliet?
or would that be Dadling/Batmom
>>25898294
Nah, Romeo and Juliet was love at first sight. These two are still in the 'Just friends' stage.Also, just going to say now, their little field trip isn't cancelled, just going to be...retooled.
>>25898294
Technically neither count because neither Celly nor Chrysalis give a fuck if they fuck. Hell, she opened up the portal so 41 could go see him post arm-breakaaahhhh!
Even dadling/batmom don't count as Chrysalis is the one who set them up on the date and the Nightguard were just mad she didn't tell them first, but got over it. Closest Romeo/Juliet comparison we have is Poindexter/Mane-Iac, as both companion sides(Shiny and Chrysalis, respectively) didn't want to see them together
>>25898347
And even then it's not that either side hates the other it's 'YOU'RE TRYING TO SCREW A CARTOON, THE *FUCK* IS YOUR PROBLEM!?'
>>25896287
Finally! We can do something with all of those lingering plot threads like what we set up with sweet note! Finally!
>>25898986
This series just keeps expanding, don't it?
>>25898986
And Fillydelphia, and maybe even touch on Appleoosa, which has been a setting they've been active in since pre-invasion but never been. Hell, we might even be able to finally go to Stalliongrad.
Plenty of options
>>25894321
>Twilight has no one but science
>Rarity might have during her life of decadence phase but we didn't see her until she was already a whale. Also she has been after Spike since thread 8
>Dash has no LI
>Fluttershy is basically off limits
>Pinkie Pie is dating Cheese Sandwich but her traditional family values and the fact we put him on a bus prevents that
>AJ is in jailbait wait and we NC'd her claiming she had sex because of how nonchalant she was with it
>>25894447
He already gave good answer but this is the in our canon status.
>>25895215
As of right now, nothing on their own. Their secondary function however is as the Key of Honesty for twilight's box.
Alright /pa/, if you could change one thing about any of our plots over the years (no killing anyone off, don't be a dick), what would you change?
>>25899638
De-Super Saiyan the Queens or drop their ever mentioned number
>>25898459
Well, Dex knows his stuff.
Dat perfect 2d waifu.
>>25899638
Aj does something in the robot invasion .
>>25899661
Honestly? This.
>>25900510
Took my answer but left out GALA and Citty
>>25899661
Yeah, basically this.
I mean, earth God AJ has given me hope and all, and it was done in an epic way that made total sense, but still.
>>25899661
>>25900778
>>25900935
You mean drop the amount of queens total or the ones that actually did things (Varry, Chitania, Chrysalis)? And their powerlevel at full charge is locked by show canon at above Alicorn, so you can nerf them but they would still start the fight (at full power) as the strongest on the field, unless you also nerf Celestia to be weaker than who you wanted to beat up a queen.
>>25900510
She did, she flew with Rarity to go free Spike. But I assume you mean more like her confronting Blueblood vs Spike. All for that.
>>25900929
She planned the gala and there wasn't a lot for her to do at the event, considering she was tied up in Spike's date plot for a bit and when we decided not to throw her into the mix at the event she was left with nothing to do. It was a ball dropped when trying to give everyone something to do at the same time (day one Partyland made up for it).
As for Chitty, She did, just not in the way you would like. She did Princess things. She hung with the dignitaries, She moved a possible threat away from the ponies and gave shoot to kill orders for the guard. She blame shifted to get Twilight out of hot water.
Not only was this back when we protected AJ, but she was about as good in a fight as Rarity at that moment. So marching her out to get curbstomped wasn't wasn't going to happen. But if we sent AJ out she would have won the fight, we would have made her, but we would have killed Chitania. Because AJ wouldn't have a 2 there to make her stop. And with how we used the titan that rewrites a few arc endings.
>>25899269
OH SHIT
TEN AND BBB ARE IN STALLIONGRAD
we need to deal with that
>>25901021
>she flew with Rarity
But didn't make it until it was all over, she literally did nothing that arc. Didn't help anyway or even do princess stuff
I guess that bleeds over into my one, maybe back the focus off Spike a bit at the first two arcs. I can't really say the same for the CE crew, as they rarely overlapped with AJs thing and never pushed her aside or anything, but I wish there had been less Spike, more AJ
>>25901021
I actually liked her part in the Chitty arc, it fit so perfectly thanks to the OP.
Because she wasn't a beat cop right there, she was the only one who remembered that they had to do actual princess shit. She stayed behind and dealt with their allies, made the hard choices with the changelings, all of that. She did princess stuff, and it worked.
First two arcs were a wash, though. AJ didn't even shoot any robots onscreen, and her one action was carrying Rarity over to go help Spike well after the important stuff happened, and she didn't even make it in time. And then at the Gala, she did nothing but stand off to the side while the others got wrapped up in Spike's subplot. She definitely needed a more active role in both of those, but I felt the Chitania arc perfectly fit her thanks to the rant that started this all, and the fact the changelings were her responsibility at the time.
>>25901308
Oh yeah, weirdly enough the CE's subplot rarely if ever even touched on the Mains plot, I think the closest for the Gala was the fact Two was one of the dates, and when Chrysalis covered for Spike, but that's it. They didn't get involved at all during the RI.
>>25899661
I have no idea what this means, you mean make them weaker? Just less powerful, and that's it?
Why? That doesn't fit Chitania's antagonistic nature and it is a plot point in the show for Chrysalis. Seems kinda pointless unless you just find it really hard to write slapstick for them, and don't want the slapstick to be for the other person with them.
>>25899638
AJ kicking off DT from the A-team. I hated it back then and I still hate it now. It turned AJ into a filthy hypocrite and wrecked my own efforts to keep the A-team together.
>>25899638
I'd have made the simulator fights not to the death. I felt it was completely unnecessary.
>>25899603
Is just one of them the key, or are all of them? Is that going to be a plot point where she plants all of them in every city but has one left over, or is she going to have to dig them up come box time?
>>25901658
it'll bean apple grown from one of the seeds, specifically one from the tree in canterlot, which took the longest to grow
>AJ
"??"
'Quicksilver'
~~~~
>Well, E for effort, soldier.
'M-my legs... they hurt...'
>Not yer' fault, Ah'm just a bit much.
'So much pain.'
>That said... really? Not even five minute? Come on, ya' gotta work on that stamina training.
'Uggghhhh.'
>Sigh... guess Ah' gotta. Iffin' mah' brother can't handle me, iffin' Sunset's magic ain't gonna work, and Ah' doubt bringin' in all the the soliders at the same time is gonna work... nah, probably not... but maybe... nah. Nope, there's only one who's big enough for this job. Just hope she's... willin'.
'...I think I'm ready to go again.'
>Ya' had your chance.
'DAMN!'
~~~~~~~
>....
"..."
>...
"...No."
>Oh come on!
"Fuck no."
>Ah' really need some help here!
"Nope."
>Don't act like you aren't thinkin' about rippin this armor off of me right now!
"What I am or am not picturing is irrelevant, I still say no."
>Why!?
"Because..."
>Because what!?
"Well... because..."
>Let's hear it! What!?
"...My daughters right over there."
>...oh... OH! Oh, right, she's still mad at me, ain't she?
"She is, so while it would be fun, and I have to admit I'm tempted, I just can't."
>Awww... well, shoot, Ah' guess Ah' understand.
"It's not you, I'm just trying to rebuild my relationship with her, and helping you out with this 'problem' right now..."
>No no, Ah' get it.
"...Princess?"
>Yeah?
"Would have broken you like a twig."
>Fooo... Ah' know, that's why Ah' was hopin' for you ta' step up. Yer' the only one... uh, big enough.
"I know, and I could 'handle this', but..."
>Ah' get it. Well... thanks for being honest, Chitania.
In sadness, she leaves.
"...Damn it, now I'll probably never get a chance to break alicorn armor. That would have been really fun to rip it apart... damn it... the things I do for love.
>>25901811
LOST YOUR CHANCE, CHITTY.
NEVER GETTING IT BACK.
What started this general thread in the first place?
>>25902079
>So, wait, why am Ah' a princess again?
>Because you seem to be the only goddamn one of those ponies who gets that a Princess need to do actual work regarding maintenance of the kingdom. You know how much city planning or trade negotiations Twilight or Luna have done? Fucking nothing. Everyone is obsessed with the world ending threats they think I should fight, but the minute I point out the free health care I have to work to maintain everyone goes quiet. And don't even get me started on Cadence, who can't even manage a basic meeting with the Equestrian Games representative. Fucking annoying. Go do actual princess stuff, because apparently everyone else got the pamphlets mixed up or something and thinks "Princess" means "Beat cop."
>77
"13"
>So can I-
"No."
>Why not!?
"Queen needs to know you're safe."
>I'll send a damned postcard, I don't want to be up at this Faust-forsaken hour in the first place!
"Sleep on the grass, then."
>...you know what, to hell with this, I'm going back to bed.
"No you're not."
Mindzotz.
>No I'm not.
"You're going to sit here and wait to be brought before the Queen like everyone else."
>I'm going to sit here and wait to be brought before the Queen like everyone else.
"Then you'll go back to your fiance."
>Then I'll go back to my fiance.
"...and, I suppose, have your weird non-child bearing sex."
>And have my weird non-child bearing sex...whichyou'llneverexperiencewiththiskindofattitude.
"What was that?"
>Nothing.
>>25902098
woah woah woah, that doesn't seem right, like, at all.
77 would be fine going to the CE to get checked up on by the queen, he would just want to get it over with as quickly as possible so he could go back.
and 13 wouldn't just outright mindzotz so freely, afaik
>>25902117
Fine, whatever then. I'll cross-reference nineteen fucking Wiki articles next time before daring to write a story.
>>25902117
She is literally surrounded right now, someone would see.
It is a little weird she went from so subtle that we, the audience, can't tell if she's actually mindzotzing anyone to outright right in the open where any of the other Hive can see brainblasting someone, especially when 77 is screaming and would grab attention.
Doubly weird because both times, both the NC one and the Canon one, 77 was like 'whatever, one talk with Chrysalis and this is all fixed.'
>>25902143
Or you could just... read the one right before this with 77? It was the last story, the literal last story with him, where he did not seem bothered.
No need to get annoyed, we're just trying to stay consistent with what came before, in this case immediately before.
>>25902162
You're telling me he's willing to stand around in the middle of the night then get on a train to and from the Crystal Empire, wait for Chrysalis to give him the once over then go all the way back to Ponyville by train because the portal's now off limits?
It'll be fucking noon by the time he gets back.
>>25902145
It was a sound effect for a gag, god damn.
Everyone's so fucking anal about little goddamn details anymore.
>>25902231
>You're telling me he's willing to stand around in the middle of the night then get on a train to and from the Crystal Empire, wait for Chrysalis to give him the once over then go all the way back to Ponyville by train because the portal's now off limits?
He was willing before just to show Chrysalis he was okay.
Because he knows she worries about him thanks to that whole cave thing, and a postcard isn't going to cut it.
>>25902231
>It was a sound effect for a gag, god damn.
...Okay?
Uh, did you forget that when mindzotzing, they shoot green beams of energy? Twilight literally saw this in the show, that's how she discovered the truth about Chrysalis. It's not like she pulls out a watch, is the concern. This isn't a minor point, this was a huge plotpoint in the show.
Kind of hard to miss her shooting him with green beams of light in the middle of the dark.
>>25901452
>and it is a plot point in the show for Chrysalis
>in the show
She out-pew pews Celestia, and that's it.
That's all we have to go on
>>25902276
Oh please, it wouldn't be the first time we could say 'Oh this changeling's super special so it doesn't have to be show canon'.
42 can fucking teleport like a Queen, but the princess who specializes in mindfuckery can't do it without alerting everyone to her doing it? Give me a break.
>>25902079
>>25902094
I mean we still should have the screencap of the first responses of that thread somewhere.
But goddamn, I wonder if the OP OP is still around, do you think he stuck around to see what he had inadvertently spawned?
>>25902079
Allow me to refer to this old cap I have laying around.
Non-Canon
>Pinkie
"Cadence"
'DT'
[various]
~~~~
>Welcome to Not Late Night /pa/ with your host Pinkie Pie! It's during this time that content does matter, but people might be curious what happened to us after last time! Now for our main segment...CHRISTMAS WITH THE PINK PONY CLUB!
"Those shippings were so cute!"
'So...many...ships. A lot of those did not deserve to exist and they should be thrown into tartarus for it.'
>C'mon, get in the Christmas spirit!
"What is that? You never explained it."
>I guess I never did. Don't worry though, it's time to pass out the waifus and hasbandos!
Shoots a present from the sky.
[Wait, my new husbando is a reverse trap?!]
>Sorry, do you want me to take her back?!
[Uh, no carry on!]
Shoots another present.
[My changeling waifu is here. She even has 2 dicks!]
'...I question some of these waifus and husbandos you're giving.'
"It's what they want! Don't get in the way of their love."
'Huh...I didn't see that coming from you.'
A colt receives a DT in a slave outfit.
[Yay, my own bitch!]
'...'
A stallion gets a Cadence in a dominatrix outfit.
[WOOHOO SEXY CADENCE FOR THE WIN!]
"..."
Pinkie shoots a big present which explode into many Pinkies.
[My Pinkie harem! You're the best waifu ever!]
>I'm happy that you're happy! Who's the generous one now, Rarity? I win the gift war this time!
"'...'"
>You should see the versions of my other friends. Anyway, I know it's after Christmas by the time folks read this, but ho ho ho! May you all have sweet dreams tonight!
>13
"???"
'???'
~~~~
They were waiting now.
It was late, but the train request had been fulfilled, they would see one come to them soon enough. Soon, the train would be there, and take them to the Empire.
While her initial plan, and indeed her favored plan, remained simply riding her mother to that location, she nonetheless had to concede that if indeed there was to be an attack on her Hive of some kind, while her mother could protect herself she was lacking as far as magical barriers of some kind. Which meant while she herself would not be harmed were they bombed in some way, the rest of the Hive would not be so lucky.
So, begrudgingly, she would admit to the fact that they would simply have to take a train. At least that way, if it was needed, her mother could leave to do battle with whoever was attacking them, and they could continue on safely. It was the smartest choice, even if she admitted to herself that she would much rather all of Equestria see what they would have to deal with if a one of them attacked her Hive.
Still, even if she were not the transportation, that still left the matter of where exactly her mother had gone off to. It's rather hard to miss a beast like her, yet somehow she had slipped away abruptly. Finding her when she was like this was normally quite difficult.
Unless, of course, she had given someone a way to find her no matter what, to call her if ever there is danger. That changed things.
To the sickly lings confusion, it seemed the Queen had slipped away into the darkness of the trees, hidden from sight by both the shadows and her own black frame. That her mother was hiding at all was confusing.
That she was talking to someone was even more confusing.
Someone much, much smaller than her.
"You're sure you can make it there? You only have a half hour."
'I sure can! I was almost in the Equestria Games, you know! I stood in for Rainbow Dash once!'
1/3
>>25902665
"You have to be quick, get this note straight there, and make sure you follow every instruction to avoid the security. If you hurry, you should make it before the train arrives."
'Done and done!'
"Good... here, this should be adequate compensation. You will receive the other half if all goes as it should."
'Uh... you don't have to pay the mailmare, misses big changeling.'
"Yes, I do... now go, quickly."
'You got it!'
A quick flash of grey and yellow was visible for just a second before shooting up into the trees. She, and likely her mother too, winced as the sounds of branches being hit rang out, but the shape continued on as if nothing happened.
"...Daughter, is something the matter?"
>Oh sure, now you can tell when I'm right in front of you.
It was a bit mean, Thirteen conceded, but it was rare she got to see her mother wince. She enjoyed it, even if it were a bit cruel.
>An awful lot of bits for a late night mail delivery.
"It solves a problem."
>Oh? What's that?
They both knew what, of course, but the unlucky ling felt she needed to hear it.
"I clearly cannot leave your Hive to go up to retrieve her myself, but leaving her alone up in Canterlot for the entirety of our trip would be... unwise. I do not know what is going on up there, but I doubt they are looking favorably to associates of ourselves. The train coming to take us to the Empire will pass through Canterlot, she can board it then and join us. It would be the safest route."
>True, I suppose... are you really worried about her?
"She is my food, I need her not to die. This event has happened before... it did not go well for me."
>Right, of course. But you're still not willing to risk flying up to do this yourself, even if you could make it there and back in no time.
"...You are my daughter. I do not like the Empire, I do not want to go there, but..."
That, simple as it was, seemed to say it all.
"I will go where you go, if you need me."
>...Thanks, mom.
2/3
>>25902683
She did not seem to be listening, already looking off to the great city in the distance.
"...She will like it there, she always wanted to go, but I never went down myself. Never cared for it, nor did it have anything I wanted until recently. She will have fun until this blows over."
>I'm sure she will.
A heavy silence remained after that, hanging in the nothing between them.
"I do not like the cold."
>I know, mom.
"I do not like places surrounded by cold."
>I can guess.
"..."
>Mom?
"Yes?"
>If you get buried again, I'll dig you out this time.
A massive, powerful hoof reached out, as gentle as a feather bed despite the power burning beneath it. It was calling to her.
She answered.
"Thank you."
>Hey... you're my mom. I'll be there.
It was rare she got to see her mother concerned, even if she tried to hide it. It was rare she got to see her wince, regretting very little.
But, rarest of all, was when she got to see her mother's eyes sparkle with a certain something glinting in the moonlight.
"...It's all I can ask for."
>>25902143
If it's any consolation, I laughed and at the end of the day that's what matters the most.
>>25902697
...fuck you, that's too cute.
Stop making me find Chitty cute.
>>25902862
Thank you. Though I think I'll leave super important changelings to the experts from here on.Untrained hands might disrupt the flow of the circlejerk.
>>25902520
Thanks m8
>>25902914
Good, you have no business doing it.
>>25903330
Oh come on. Nobody is stupid enough to fall for that bait.
>>25902879
She can be cute sometimes.
She's a butch but she's got a momma bear streak a mile wide.
>>25903377
Let him dream, anon, let him dream.
He'll succeed one day.
>>25903377
>bait
Motherfucker didn't even bother to get his facts straight before writing a shitty little sex joke, pardon me for having standards above 'lewd poem scrawled on a bathroom stall'
>>25902642
...Well, you wanted to be famous, DT.
Comes with the territory.
>>25902683
>"She is my food, I need her not to die. This event has happened before... it did not go well for me."
>BUH BUH BUH CHITNIA LOVES ME! SHE CARES ABOUT ME! SHE CARES ABOUT MY WELLBEING MORE THAN ANY OF THE OTHER PONIES WHO WERE SUPPOSEDLY MEANT TO HELP ME IN A REALISTIC GRIMDARK WORLD LIKE MANNER WHEN I SUDDENLY CAME INTO BEING AS A COMIC RELIEF CHARACTER AND NOTHING ELSE ABLOO ABLOO ABLOO
>Chrysalis
"???"
~~~~
Beep.
Beep.
Beep.
What a wonderful sound.
It was almost soothing, something simple yet amazing about basic repetition of a magically controlled apparatus, nothing more complicated than a simple bolt of magic that went to her skin, connected to her heartbeat, and sang out on a basic little tune. It was so simple, so elegant.
Beep.
Beep.
Beep.
The sounds that she was alive.
Not that she had been worried about that. While the battle had been grand, to be sure, she knew she could survive it. She had never thought she would actually be killed by something so mundane.
Still, if only to herself, she would admit that while flying, there had been moments. Moments when she wondered if she would finish her flight, and make it there in time, or if she would be found on the ground on some later day by some poor shocked soul.
Instead, her heart beat away, just as she knew it would.
Beep.
Beep.
Beep.
For sounds were just one part of it, a tiny facet in the bigger picture. The sound of her heartbeat was little, if anything, next to that most wonderful sensation of touch. That feeling against her that lit up her chitin and her world.
That feeling of love.
She did not even need to open her eyes to know he was right there.
"Well, look who's awake."
She very much doubted she had been down that long, her internal clock told her that much, but he still spoke to her as if she had slept the day away.
Perhaps, had she not thought of how this all might look, she would have gladly done so.
"What happened?"
Not even holding to that attempt at small talk, cutting right to the point in no time to voice the worries he wore openly on his face like a shroud.
"Chrysalis... who hurt you?"
Nor did he hide the strange shake in his hoof against her chitin.
Despite the seriousness of his tone, the fear felt through the pangs of that emotion that flowed into her, she could not help but smile.
>Don't worry about it, it's all fine.
1/4
>>25904001
Shush, you.
>>25904207
"Fine!? Chrysalis, look at yourself! What part of this is fine!?"
Again, she could not help but find it all funny.
"Who did this to you?"
>...I didn't make it worse-
"I know!"
Strange, he didn't normally cut her off so abruptly, or look at her with a face like that. That look was reserved for the old times, the times when she had such trouble getting it all together.
Times long past.
"I know, okay? I... I had someone check. I used the emergency code to send someone through the portal and... look, I know nothing got worse, and you didn't start a fight, I don't care about that, okay!?"
He shook again, gripping her as gently as he could, clearly terrified he would add to the bruises and welts and cuts in some way.
"...I didn't ask you not to make it worse because I was worried about that, Chrysalis. I did it because I didn't... want something to happen."
The feeling, the magic flowing into her, was powerful. More powerful than she could ever put to words, let alone understand herself. The way he held her, the way his face creased with worry, it was something she had rarely ever seen on his face.
Only those rare times before, when she had nearly been claimed by death.
"Who hurt you?"
Another quake, another emotion, but this one held a certain something else in it.
There was another feeling in there, something very, very strong. She didn't recognize it, but it felt so very familair.
>...I'll tell you all about it later.
It was rare he looked genuinely angry at her. Very rare.
Today was a day for rarities all around, it seemed.
>But all you need to know is... it's okay.
Rarities that included such sights as his face melting away the rage, into something quite different.
"Are... are you sure?""
>Positive, Shiny. Ahhh, you worry too much.
His eyes remained blank and deadpanned when her hoof reached up and playfully pushed him on the cheek.
>Awwww, you want me to feel better? You know what would reeeealy make me feel better?
"Stop,"
2/4
>>25904250
>I'm serious, I know something that would feel just greeeeeat.
"Stoooop it."
>And oh! Would you look at that! I'm in a bed, but you're not yet. Halfway there!
"Chrysalis, be serious."
>The only thing I need to be is on my stomach right now, mind giving me a hoof.
"Chrysalis, really?"
>What, you need a warm up? Oh, fine, scoot the chair over here, but I expect reciprocals!
"Chrysalis!"
He was yelling.
But he was smiling.
"You... you're insane, you know that?"
>HAH! Yeah, I do...
Without warning, her neck shot up, and she kissed him right on the cheek. He had no time to react, not even in her weakened state, before the deed was done.
Despite his protests, she could taste it when her lips touched his cheek. Such a wonderful, undeniable, emotion.
All for her.
>But you know you love it.
He groaned, slumping back in the chair so he could mash his hooves to his face.
"You're going to give me a heart attack, you know that?"
>Meh, I'll bring you back with necromancy, but I really expect a thank you for that one! We're talking as deep as you go thank you!
He groaned again, louder this time, and tilted back so far his chair might fall.
"...So it's really okay?"
>Yep.
"It's just... it's just fine that you look like you were exploded in a quarry."
>Long story, tell you later.
"It's just fine that I'm finding rocks in all your holes."
>Oh myyyy!
"It's just... it's fine."
>It's fine.
"It's fine?"
>It's fine.
"...Fine."
He sighed, defeated, and slumped forwards, not even bothering to hide it as he buried his face in the bed next to her. She could not help it, gently her hoof found his hair, and began to stroke.
>Poor Shiny, so bad for you, isn't it?
"I saw a hammer imprint in your face."
>Poor poor Shiny.
"...I was really worried, Chrysalis."
That same hoof tugged, dragging his head ever closer to her, until it nearly pressed against her chitin.
>You hear that?
Beep.
Beep.
Beep.
3/4
>>25904268
Both machine and her own flesh sang together.
>Still worried?
"...fine."
>Good.
How long they lay there together, still and quiet, neither of them knew, nor did they particularly care. They just had to relax, after such a long, trying time.
>...Why didn't Cadence come?
"I tried dragging her out, I tried sticking by her, I tried everything, she won't leave or look away or anything."
>That's not good.
"No, it's not, and it really didn't help my mental state when I say you looking like you were hit by Chitania wearing rock gloves."
>Mmmm... she might need a vacation, this has been pretty trying on her.
She felt the warm, hot breath of his sigh tickle her chitin, and ever so slowly his eyes rolled up.
"Chrysalis?"
>Yes, Shiny?
"I'm sorry I made you promise not to fight back."
>...It didn't get worse, though.
"No... I guess it didn't."
Slowly, ever so slowly, his eyes rolled up, and looked to her.
"Which is why... I'm sorry I made you promise. I don't need to in order to trust you, not anymore."
Beep.
Beep.
Beep.
It seemed so useless now.
She already knew, was already sure, she was alive.
"...just tell me it wasn't Applejack this time too."
He didn't need to admit it, didn't need to say it out loud, hiding it away would never work. She felt it, the feelings he did not say, infusing into her and chasing away all pain and worry.
What she felt flowing into her said, at last, she was really living.
>HAH!
It was great to be alive.
>>25904279
Das the bugbutt I know. Gets messed up, but NO FUCKS!
And damn, that whole moment with Shiny was sweet.
10/10 Shiny/Celly scene tier.
>>25904001
Sweet Note doesn't think Chitty loves her, just that she'll look out for her and protect her and not abuse her, none of which is false. Chitty STILL PAYS HER for her 'food'. It's not like she doesn't know how this relationship works.
She just hates the royals because they look down on 'ponies like her', unlike Chitty, who at least treats her like a person.
>>25904268
>>But you know you love it.
Fuck this
Fuck it
Those were near word to word what she said to me every time I wanted her to stop but she kept going, kept stopping me, i hated it i didn't want it and she didnt stop i dont want this anymore I fucking no
>>25904515
...what?
>>25904465
>10/10 Shiny/Celly scene tier.
Whoa now, I'm not going to deny it was sweet and nice, and especially how nice it was that it was free of drama, but lets not say stuff we can't take back.
I mean, it's close, but I'm not quite sure they're there yet.
>>25904563
Laughed my balls off. I am ball less now. Thanks for that. Dick.
>Actarius
"32"
'JJ'
~~~~
>...Soooo-
"SON OF A BITCH! WE'RE BEING SHUT DOWN!?"
>Yep. Pretty much what I was expecting when we got a letter from the castle... am I still getting paid?
"..."
>This better be paid leave.
"..."
>Paid leave?
"..."
>Paid leave, gotcha.
'Awww, crap. How am I supposed to get home?'
"Take a bloody train!"
'I'd rather take a regular one, actually.'
"For fucks sake! Shutting down a whole embassy just because of an investigation!? This is exactly when I should be open! This makes no sense!"
>...I mean, it kinda does-
"SHUT IT!"
>Yes boss.
'Soooo... vacation?'
>This is not a vacation. Those are separate days. Don't you do this to me old man!
"I'm the same age as him! Younger maybe, even! Probably younger, yeah!"
>You look, like, ten years older than him.
"Well I'm sorry, I was a little low in the caves when I was starving and we age faster when we starve!"
>...JJ bring it in for some hugs.
'I'm fine!'
>Lemma be sure here!
"UGGHHHHH!... Well, I suppose I could go visit my brother, and Twenty Nine, down in Ponyville. That would be nice."
>Shouldn't you wait for your sister to come back?
"I'll leave a note."
>...How... how is she supposed to...
"I'm optimistic."
>...
"This has been a trying day."
>I'll say.
"Any chance you're going to catch on when I say I want a little relief?"
>A... massage?
'He's good at that. Once he gets on your back he knows exactly what to do!'
>Oh, stop.
"...You know, perhaps my dear mother's slayer was onto something when she hired a prostitute to do that job..."
>A what now?
"...maybe she was on to something..."
>>25904279
NC
~~~~
>...You know, I can't help but notice something is missing.
"Noooo."
>Something should be right about... here?
"Chrysalis, no, you have a problem."
>...
"..."
>...GIMME THE MORPHINE!
"CHRYSALIS NO!"
>WOOOOO! I CAN SEE FOREVER!
"THAT WAS KOOL-AIDE GODDAMN IT!"
>>25904920
...Why was there kool-aide in a morphine bag...
Don't think it's HER with the problem, Shining.
>>25905010
>He doesn't have some ready to be injected into his veins
That's why you're so unhappy, anon.
You've never tasted real happiness.
i know you guys dont mean it but did the writer really have to say "i know you love it" i've been so close distancing myself from her and knew you never meant chrysalis to be like her or the likes of her but goddamnit its not right i thought i could get away from it please
>>25905340
What...in the hell...are you talking about? I haven't read the story yet but why is that one line so triggering?
>>25905587
Its a shoot in the dark, but it seems that Anon had a difficult relationship with a female, probably his ex-girlfriend.
He PTSD nao.
>AJ
"???"
~~~
>Whelp, Ah' guess Ah'm just wearin' this... well, ya' know? It don't matter. Ya' know what matters? That Ah' get these here changelings over ta' the Empire, and then ya' know what?... Ah'm gonna go do mah' job. Yeah... yeah! That's what Ah'm gonna do! Ah' got it now, Ah' understand it now, them believin' in me is everythin', and Ah'm gonna earn it! Sure, Ah' wish Ah' could just... just say a couple words and be done, and sure, Ah' miss the thought of just bein'... finished. But that ain't important! Short road is closed, so Ah' gotta take the long one, and sure as shootin' Ah'm gonna! Yeah! Ah'm gonna get these critters safe till this all dies down, and in the meantime Ah'm gonna be the biggest, the bestest, the most gaddang grand princess this here place has ever seen! YEAH! Ah'm gonna get to it! Ah'm gonna get it done! Ah'm gonna march up ta' mah office, sit mah giant rear down and-
CRASH!
>...Dash! Mah' old buddy! Ya' caught me at a good time!
"AJ! There you are! How up to speed are you!?"
>Bout the reveal? Shoot, heard all about it, but that ain't gonna stop me! Just a roadbump, that's all this was! Ah' want'cha-shoot, want everyone ta' know that Ah'm gettin' back in the saddle! Ah'm gettin' back ta' work the second these folks are safe in bubblehorse land! Ah'm not gettin' down, Dash! Ah'm gettin' ready ta' blow everyone away!
"...."
>...
"..."
>...What?
~~~~~~~~~~
>SON OF A BIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII
>>25905698
That's what you get for being happy/
>>25905606
difficult wasn't even the start of it. she hurt me, she raped me. again and again
fuck
i'm just gonna leave
Well this thread took a dark turn real quick
>>25905881
dude, it's like 4 words, I understand that painI was raped by my cousin when I was six, I still remember having to stare into her worm infested assbut you need to just move past it
A VERY dark turn.
>>25905881
>>25905925
Oh yay, drama.
This is the internet. We're all arseholes here, and we can say anything we like. Get thicker skin, friendo.
>>25905881
>>25905925
get thicker skin, or stop trying to bullshit us, I know /pa/ is seen as the kindest general on the board, but this is taking things too far.
>>25905918Yeeeaaaahhh, little creepy that they're bringing it up.But hey, if there's one thing I can do, it's writing comedy while the threads going to weird places.
>Chrysalis
"42"
~~~~
"Do you require an assassination?"
>Nahhhh.
"Good, I'm terrible at those."
>How would you know? I never sent you on assassin runs.
"That's how I know I'm awful at them."
>...heh.
"To be serious for a moment, the damage?"
>Does not require retaliation.
"Fair enough."
>...
"He was worried, you know."
>Meh, I'm fine.
"Fine is subjective."
>Nahhhh, it's fine.
"Apparently so are direct statements."
>...Sooo, how worried was he?
"Asked me to punch you."
>HAH!
"I thought you'd like that."
>If I need you to, you can punch them.
"All I can ask for."
>...were you really willing to-
"Yes."
>........We might need to have a discussion later.
>>25906053
>It comes out what happened in the castle
>42 is told by Chryssy not to hit AJ
>Settles for next best thing
>Drags Pommel to the simulator to 'spar'
>>25905918
>>25905981
Holy shit, my sides...
>>25906053This guy has the right idea. Just keep swimming.
>Pommel
"Sunset'
~~
>...You know, did we win, or did we lose?
"Is giantfuckoffbuggo still alive?"
>Yes?
"Then every day, we lost."
>Didn't you blow a hole in her once?
"Yes."
>What did she do to you, then?
"Was really, really annoying and a total bitch, in addition to not telling me any of her super useful techniques that I could probably use for actual good."
>...and, like, punched you, right?
"No, never punched me."
>...set you on fire?
"No."
>Mind controlled you?
"No, in fact she blocked me when I tried that."
>...
"Oh, please, like she did anything terrible to you."
>She ATE me and then stomped my hometown.
"My hometown too, so... there."
>...
"I mean, she didn't eat me, but the other thing was pretty bad."
>...
"...Fine, you can kill her first."
>Thanks?
"I'm fucking considerate, that's what I am."
>>25906161
Wait...isn't Pommel from Baltimare? I swear he was from Baltimare...
>>25906115
>42 kicking Pommel's ass in increasingly ridiculous scenarios
Ha
>>25906279
Nahhh, she fights fair, like when she fought Spike. She'd burn out love until she were on a more even level.
Not saying she wouldn't win, but she prides herself on being able to fight on 'equal' terms and still proving the superior, punchbug ain't no cheater.
>>25906376
No I mean like the scene keeps changing to more nonsensical set ups.
>WHY IS SHE KICKING MY ASS ON A GOLF COURSE!?
>>25906376
>>25906443
Also yes, the most Pommel could hope for is a 'good showing'
>>25906443
...That would be hilarious.
"Because this is round four!"
>...
"Get it? Four!"
>...
"...Four, like-"
>I get it.
"...Heh, fore."
>You know what? It was less painful when you were punching me.
"BUGPUNCH!"
>I WAS WRONG!
>>25906534
>Oh god, a basketball court!?
"TAAAAKE THIS!"
>OH NO!
He proceeds to get dunked on both figuratively and literally
>>25901308
The thing with Spike is we tried to make him, Anon. Even going so far as to rewrite our only early canon Anon story w/Spike. after the first three arcs centered around him (Pit fights, Blueblood, Gala) he fell off a bit in terms of importance to the plot. And seeing as he pretty much was AJ's only development from thread 1 to like 25 it really showed in what AJ got to do.
>>25902098
Stop trying to force 13 to be evil when she isn't. Especially in these quick one-shots.
>>25904279
Good that we made this post to off screen the whole "AJ nearly killed me and enslaved you all" talk. She doesn't need that, like, ever.
>>25906178
You are right sir, he and Sweet Note hail from there.
>>25906554
Pommel is the new punching bag for punchbug?
I can already see where this is going
>captain of the guard
>in a relationship
>getting punched by 42 regularly
>"it's like looking into a magic mirror that shows me how shitty my life was"
"But I get laid"
>"nevermind, it's like looking at the me that succeeded at life"
>>25906611
Does this mean Pommel gets dragged kicking and screaming towards actual competence?
>>25906732
Shouldn't we try to make him a decent character by not throwing the milquetoast punch bug at him like we did last time?
>>25906751
He already has character, he needs strength to become more plot relevant and Punchbug provides that.
>>25906751
Wait, why/how is punchbug milqutoast? For some reason I think you mean ubiquitous...
>>25906818
He means he finds her boring and one note. Ubiquitous would work to
>>25906818
I think he just misread what milquetoast means and thinks it was the phrase for "Speaks softly ad CARRIES a big stick", not "Speaks softly and is HIT by a bit stick"
>>25906928
>He means he finds her boring and one note
Then that is also the wrong thing to use, as milquetoast characters are two-note characters.
>Quicksilver
"Gambling"
'Pommel'
~~~~~
>...
"...You're not cleared, you know."
>You sure? Sure you don't want a little, you know, public imagery? Forgiving a debt might do wonders for you!
"Nope."
>Come onnnn, don't you guys want to be seen as charitable?
"Well... it would be better than being seen as a thief."
>Riiiight, and wouldn't you much rather everyone talk about how much you let slide?
"Hm... I mean, I guess it would look pretty good if I gave you another chance."
>That's right! And of course, everyone would loooove to hear how much you're willing to look past in times of strife.
"...You know what? I think I will be generous."
>YES! YES THIS IS... what is that?
"It's twenty bits."
>Why... why are you giving me twenty bits?
"Because I know it wouldn't be fair otherwise."
>W...what?
"I'm gonna let you try and win it all back! And, hey, even if you lose all twenty bits, you're not any worse off than you were when you started! There's no losing here!"
>That is true... you know what? I'll take it! Yeah! Yeah, I can do this! I can win it all back, or at least some of it! I CAN DO THI-
~~~~~
>I need another six hundred bits.
'Sweet Rat sloshed off his ass! What!? Six hundred!? For what!?'
>First installment... of... a lot...
'...wha... what? But... but he gave you the money...'
>At the start, sure, but then I kind of got swept up in it, and... well...
'...'
>I think I might have a problem. I'd go see a psychiatrist about it, but... uh.. those cost money.
'...'
>Which I don't think I'll have for a while.
'...'
>Can I sleep under my desk?
'No.'
>Awww.
>>25907348
'Why don't you ask Steam Gauge?'
>I already sold him.
'...so thaaaat's where he went.'
>>25907386
Oh hey, that reminds me
PAYOUT FOR WHOEVER HAD 'AJ WINS BUT REFUSES TO USE THE APPLE', WHO HAD 'AJ WINS BUT REFUSES THE USE THE APPLE'?
>>25907454
gimme my money!
>>25907393
>I already sold him.
That cracked me up more than it had any right to.
>>25907393
At this rate, Chrysalis will just be able to buy her own kingdom...
>>25908023
Complete with workforces!
>>25908023
>>25908182
Gambling, savior of the Changeling Empire!
>>25907386
>Gambling is so good at this, he's figured out FTP models.
They're doomed.
>>25908671
Hey buddy, I run a fair ship here!
Speaking of which...HOW MANY TIMES IS 42 GONNA KNOCK THE GUARD CAPTAIN'S BLOCK OFF!? WE GOT FIVE TO ONE ODDS ON FIVE TIMES MINIMUM! SIDE BETS ON POMMY BOY GETTIN' A HIT IN ARE GOING AT 500 TO 30! BETS ON THE UNDERDOG WINNING GOING AT 'I LAUGH IN YOUR FACE' TO 1!
>>25908866
Now hang on a minute, I think Pommel has a chance here:
42 has:
>been ineffective against every major threat
>enough punches to create pic related on her own
Pommel has:
>technically killed a god (turns out this god has ways of returning to the living world, but it's been confirmed that he was fucking DEAD before then)
>balls of fucking steel
>fought off a parasitic worm larger than a house INSIDE OF CHITANIA(which reminds me, WHY DO CHANGELINGS HAVE STOMACHS AND WHY WASN'T HE BURNT BY THE STOMACH ACID HE SWUM IN)
>survived a Minotaur that likely would have killed 42 in her "normal" state (that is, not hopped up on love)
I'm putting 10 internets on the underdog winning the first fight because 42 underestimates him. The second fight though?... yeah he's fucked
>>25909080
>(which reminds me, WHY DO CHANGELINGS HAVE STOMACHS AND WHY WASN'T HE BURNT BY THE STOMACH ACID HE SWUM IN)
oh shit, did we ever figure out changeling biology? like, do they need water to live as well as love or do they use love as food and water? and yeah, why the hell do they have stomachs, mouths make sense, if they need air, which it has been implied so far that they do, and it lets them talk, which is kinda important.
But we need to figure some shit out about how their biology works at some point, seriously
>>25909080
>>survived a Minotaur that likely would have killed 42 in her "normal" state (that is, not hopped up on love)
Er, even mostly fucked up she was able to fight off a Cordy Manticore, and then survived an explosion to her own face.
I dunno, think she could have taken him. He was mostly just brute strength and durability, which she could easily match, only she can fly and has laserbeams too. Pommel didn't even kill him, he had to lure him to a laser beam crystal and hope to god the guy stood still long enough to get killed.
Also, would 'underestimating' him really give him an advantage? She never too Shining seriously, but she went all out on him every time they fought. Even though she thought herself above 77, she also didn't go easy on him, and despite Spike being fucking tiny she cut loose with everything she had when given the opportunity. She's not a cocky fighter, canonically. She'll brag after the fight is done, but during she takes everything 100 percent serious. Pompom's not going to be relying on her taking him for a joke and her slipping up unless the author is desperate.
Also also, the worm couldn't have been larger than a house, Chitty was at house level when she was stomping through Canterlot, and obviously the worm wouldn't have been as big as she was. Seeing as that was the size she was when she ate him, the worm scaled up from normal should have just been bigger than a pony at best.
> (which reminds me, WHY DO CHANGELINGS HAVE STOMACHS
Because they can eat and digest food, it just does not fill their energy requirements. It's a survival method that allows them to blend in with ponies/any other species, since those all eat food and not eating ever is a huge red flag. Logically, if they wanted to blend in, they need to have a way to actually digest it.
> WHY WASN'T HE BURNT BY THE STOMACH ACID HE SWUM IN)
1, he landed on a broken boat that Chitty swallowed... somehow.
Not sure how, she can't swim, but it was in there.
>>25909235
Hey, quiet you, I'm gonna make a killing off this guy's...weird imaginary money.
I'll figure that out later.
>>25909235
I could have sworn he fell near the boat, not on it, and then swam over to it.
Thread Ghosts, we need your assistance on this.
As to 42, she really only survived that because she was guarding a serious source of love (Cadance), if she were in her normal state with no love reserves, she'd probably have died to the albino minotaur, especially considering the location at the time, where he could have thrown her into the ocean and she'd have been royally fucked (unless changelings can somehow manage to not sink underwater, which to my knowledge they can't)
Also, I said "survived", not "killed" I know he had no fucking hope of killing him in open combat, and relied on the power of a god he then killed to get rid of the bastard. But he survived long enough to put that plan into action, and that's good enough in my book.
I'll give you that she does take every fight seriously, but pommel fights dirty, and 42 only ever really saw that once from him (was she even there when he killed the troll thing?) I fully expect him to have at least one surprise in a fight, maybe another grenade or something, who knows.He's also got DETERMINATION and GUTS
Chitania was stomping on houses, this implies she was bigger than said houses, also the worm was the size of the boat from what I remember, which would be about the size of a small house.
Need thread ghosts on that one too
>>25909299
you've taken internets as payment before, I know it
Is AJ aware of the changeover happening in Canterlot right now? And IS it happening right now?
>>25909235
I don't really think Brahmos was a slouch in the brains department. Pommel just figured out the right button's to push to piss him off and was able to improvise a hail mary to take him down. Plus that's discounting the army/fleet at his back which were all too ready to slaughter anything in their way until he was goaded into a one on one duel. He considered Pommel someone he could tear apart, the freaky superbug he wouldn't take chances against. He wasn't an idiot, remember that he took control of Barkbados through calculated betrayals and strategy according to Daw.
Also as for the weird biology thing goes, we were still finding our exact footing with Chitty and in a way changelings in general. Her size/abilities fluctuated a bit in the early days.
Though stomach acids...could we perhaps fudge it to say they're weaker than a pony's because it's more a cosmetic thing? I don't know.
>>25909333
Yeah, I'm hoarding them until I figure out what the conversion rate is, pal. You're never getting them back, anyway.
>>25909333
Alright, on the pommel matter
>https://archive.today/MXTjw
Search for Pommel's Buzzard Adventure
To clear some stuff up.
1, he did land in the stomach stuff and swam to the sailboat.
2, tiny sailboat.
3, he specifically calls Bob "pony sized"
And on the 42 being charged by Cadence thing, false. Cadence was suffering from backlash from the shield being broken, and could barely walk, meaning 42 couldnt risk draining her and Cadence couldn't give her love directly or charge her with magic.
She still survived an explosion to the face.
>>25909423
Fuck you auto correct, Bizzare is a fucking word.
So is fucking, stop changing it to ducking.
>>25909333
>Also, I said "survived", not "killed" I know he had no fucking hope of killing him in open combat
I'd still put some money on 42 being maybe able to pull it off, she has some advantages.
Even if she's not totally love charged, if she's as powerful as Pommel was at the time she could easily fly circles around him. Her combat prowess and smarts are pretty good too, she's damn good at turning her environment to her advantage. On top of that... you know, lasers.
Also, if he tries to grapple her, he's fucked, she can drain him like 7 drained Jet. All that muscle isn't going to be any help if he doesn't have any energy to move them.
Even if he threw her... you know, flight, she might be able to recover and fly. If she gets thrown under the water she's probably screwed unless she can grab something, but even then that's just one disadvantage, and he has several to her. Hell, this is all assuming she cant' mindzotz worth a fuck too. I don't think it's been established that she can or not.
Regardless, point is she would survive a whole lot longer than he would, and unlike him there's at least a chance she could beat him in a 1 on 1 fight, and not a remote one. Hell, if she really decides to play serious she can just pretend she's gonna punch him and shoot him with lasers in the eye or something, how's he gonna block that? She doesn't joke around, and she sure as hell wouldn't go easy against someone like him.
TLDR she has a chance of winning is all I'm saying, and it's not a very slim one.
>>25909543
And hell, she probably would have taken care of Red easy. She would have just punched the crystal and that would have been that.
And she would've been a better lay for Daw too.
>>25909845
>And she would've been a better lay for Daw too
NO
FUCK OFF
THERE'S A LINE THAT SHOULD NOT BE CROSED RIGHT FUCKING THERE, YA BLEEDIN WANKA42 wouldn't be able to have that heart to heart like Pommel did anyways, she's all buisnessalso, she can fly, and wouldn't have gotten into that situation anyways
>>25909845
>A better lay for Daw
Now come on anon, jokes have to have some basis to work.
42 would just kinda sit there and be as socially inept with it as she was with everything else. I guarantee at some point she would just wonder if she was supposed to punch it to make it feel better.
42's a great fighter, but this is a social matter. Her kryptonite. She'd spill so much spaghetti she could feed Africa
>>25909939
You know as well as I do anon that piratebird wants to act out that alien fetish she's got. Don't deny it!
>>25909960
then get 32 into a threesome, you fucking know he picked pommel for more than just being in the right place at the right time
>>25909976
Yeah, I do know. Do you not remember that thing in the fever dream?Pommel's uncle was the dude 32 seduced as a trap. I think the tell was something along the lines of the fake Chrysalis taunting 32 about the little colt running around his lover's house with his head in an old guard helmet.
>>25910041
wait shit that was canon?
oooh shit now someone has to use the afterdarkand it won't be me because I'm fucking terrible at writefagging
>>25909939
>she's all business
Sure, until you get her into an emotional situation, wherein she has broken down at least five times now. One time she broke down and teleport-flew her as across a continent.
If anything, Daw would probably think she was a little much if she really did get emotional. Seriously do you not remember her mini? Punchbug does not handle love very well...
>>25909960
>Learning she's a fetish
Oh god, she'd spazz out worse than her now legendary ONO spazzing. She does not handle weird sex well.
>>25910095
I mean she probably wouldn't even consider Daw in a non business sense, would never form that relationship to cause the spazzening
Pwease update the pastebin
>88
"Lavan"
>Fffffffuck it's cold! Hooooly hivemind on orgy night, it is cold!
"Your hivemind has an orgy night? This was not covered in your brother's lecture. I am learning new things!"
>What are we on a mountain somewhere?
"No, that would be silly! We're in a valley between two mountains. It's just as I remember it! Barren and lifeless with a vague stench of the futility of civilization! Nostalgia, this pleases me."
>...you wanna run that by me again?
"I maaaay have engaged in the wholesale extinction of the Grundles here with my siblings but that's literally ancient history. In retrospect I should have left some of their temples and treasures around for archaeologists to try and steal. Those are fun, don't you think?"
>I'm gonna say yes, but that's mostly out of terror, is cool?
"Yes!"
>Awesome, so why did we have to come here to fix my eyes?
"Less collateral damage."
>For real?
"I already disregarded doing this in your dreams."
>No, but why would we need to worry about collateral damage?
"Welllll there's the tiny hiccup of me having never used my vast eldritch powers to do anything...necessarily constructive. I mean I once experimented in granting wishes that go horribly wrong but that's a different thing entirely."
>So I'm a guinea pig?
"...Guinea does not exist on this planet how would you b-"
>Look, dude, I'm not drowning in options here. Let's just do this and if it fucks up let's hope I don't end up becoming an awful monster again.
"I will stop you if you do."
>Fantastic, let's do this!
"Ok!"
>...
"..."
>...well?
"I'm thinking on how to approach this, it needs precision...I assume."
>Dude just think 'Heal Everything' and blast me in the eyeballs, I wanna get out of this cold!
"Ok!"
Ka-zap!
>>25910209
She'd probably just bypass the pirates entirely and hound Chitty the whole way.
>>25910257
In fact she wouldn't be stupid enough to get eaten in the first place, Pommel. What a jackass.
...what were we talking about?
>>25910242
IT BEGINS
>>25910237
The person who currently runs the pastebin has switched to lurker status and is not currently updating it. We haven't had anyone step up to take on the mantle yet.
>88
"Lavan"
>...ok...oookay...well, this is different.
"Yes?"
>Can't see yet but my eyes...there's definitely a thing going on here. They're kinda...wiggling.
"Wiggling, odd."
>Yeah, and I'm not really doing the wiggling of my own voli-
POP!
>-tion. And now I'm getting a chill, in my brain. That's probably not normal.
Squish squish squish...
"Oh dear."
>What?
"Well, the good news is your eyes appear one hundred percent healed. The bad news is they qre currently rolling away from us at an exceptionally fast speed."
>WHAT!?
"They are just going as fast as they can...I think my magic backfired."
>Nooooooo, I'm sure this is all part of a big spell to grow an eyeball tree.
"Really? That's wonderful!"
Rumble.
>Did you feel that?
Rumble rumble.
"No, but I see the ground shaking. So odd, it's almost like something is-"
CRASH!
>AHHHHHHHHH!!!
"-about to break through the surface."
>AAAAAAHHHHH!!!
"You were incorrect by the way, it isn't a tree, it's a mushroom!"
CRASH CRASH CRASH!
"Oh my, a lot of mushrooms! This is odd...it's like a forest of fungus is sprouting up from the ground! It's quite strange, friendly blindbug. Friendly blindbug."
>HELP MEEEEEE!
"Oh yes, you're up there! I'll be up in a jiffy! Just don't fall-"
>AAAAAAAAaaaaaahhhhh...
"Off! Don't worry I'll come and get you before you-"
Boing!
>aaaaAAAAAAHHHHH!!
"Huh, the mushroom caps are bouncy, who knew? Don't worry! I will get you to safety!"
Boingboingboingboingboing!
"Pinball shenanigans, this pleases me!"
>I'MM GONNA HUUUUURRRRLLLL!!
>>25910537
Nobody to blame but yourself, 88. Nobody to blame but yourself
>>25911954
To be fair, nobody told her he was a giant fire thing.
>>25909976
Even if he didn't, is there anybody 32 wouldn't bang?
Besides Chrysalis I mean.
>56
“Jetset”
‘Harshwhinny’
____
>-so that’s when I decided it best not t’ kiss Moo-I mean, Luna! I coulda, though! Believe you me I coulda an’ it woulda been better than kissin’ plot but… yeah….
“Hm. Interesting.”
>I know, right? Your head’s caught in this log but you can hear everythin’ perfectly!
“No, not that. You must be the one she kept mentioning.”
>The one who kept mentionin’? Who mentioned me?
‘Tug from the left, little insect, just a touch harder.’
>Yes, ma’am!
“Mourning Mist. Whenever we crossed paths she would always be muttering something about the changeling she couldn’t wait to drop off the castle.”
>Mournin’… Mist? Who’s th-
‘Seriously? She still insists on going by that insipid name? Really?’
“I suppose she is. It’s what her subordinates call her at any rate.”
‘Oh, for the love of… and here I thought she'd moved away from that. What, does she carry around a blood-dripping knife concealed underneath a black cape, too?’
“I… don’t know? Possibly? She's shrouded in darkness ninety percent of the time, I can't see what she's wearing. At any rate, I’ve been busy with my own th-”
>Hey, who’s Mournin’ Mist an’ why does she wanna give me flyin’ lessons?
“She wants you unmoving, actually.”
>Nuh! Nuh, nuh, nuh... I was once unmovin’ ‘fore ‘cuz saved me an’ it was painful an’ scary… I don’t wanna be unmovin’ any more….
“…”
‘…’
>Do… do I know her, this Misty mare?
“I would say so. She’s the current Lunar Guard Captain.”
1/2
>>25912582
>THAT’S HER NAME?
‘No, you silly thing. That’s what she changed her name to once she settled into her role of protecting Princess Luna. She felt her birth name too… lax, unbefitting of her new title.’
“…Kinda is. Was. Kinda was.”
‘She’s an idiot. A grandiose idiot at that, always opting for the most dramatic way possible to get things done.’
>I’ll say! When I first met her she had lightnin’ strikes an’ smoke machines! It… none of it worked, though….
“Nothing ever goes as planned for her.”
>I felt bad….
“Pity’s the word.”
‘Try pulling his ears a little to the right, I’ll give another budge back here.’
>Yes, ma’am! …So what’s her real name?
>>25912587
I like how Jet is talking about pity when he is stuck in whatever.glass houses.
>>25912766
I find it ironic because nothing really goes right for him either.
...Or Seven.
Huh....
>>25912795
Our spies are faust-cursed, what else is new.
>SA
"Cadence"
~~~
>Chrysalis is fine, you know.
"I knew she would be."
>Right. Well, just thought you'd want to know.
"I did, and I'm glad you told me."
>And you show this by never, ever looking up.
"I'm busy."
>...
"..."
>She asked about you.
"Did you tell her I was busy?
>I did, she's worried about you.
"She shouldn't be."
>...hrm.
"..."
>...Yep.
"...You don't have to stay in here."
>Can I?
"Don't you have work to do?"
>It can wait for a minute.
"...Just a minute."
>...
"...aren't you going to get bored?"
>Nope.
"...Hrm."
>...
"...what the fuck happened to my life?"
>FINALLY!
>88
"Lavan"
>Explain.
"Well, I'm not entirely sure if this is correct but-"
>Explaaaaaaiiiin.
"Ok! Well, I did what you said, I channeled my magic into thinking 'Heal Everything' and zapped your eyeballs. It's possible that instead of healing your eyeballs, your eyeballs are being used to heal the damage done to this valley."
>That's...that's the craziest thing I've ever heard of, what crazy kind of magic do you use!? Are you that dick who ruined 32's hearthswarming cards in disguise? This sounds like something he'd do.
"My magic is is rather complicated, you see-"
Squish squish squish
SMACK!
>Ow!
"Hey, your eyeballs are back! And they appear to have grown optic nerves."
Squish squish.
>You smacked me with an optic nerve!? You ingrates!
Smack!
"They've also grown to the size of basketballs."
>What's a basketb-?
Smack!
>STOP THAT!
Squishsquishsquish!
"Oh, there they go again!"
>I know, let's get after them!
"Hurray, let's get your eyeballs back! ...remember to wash them before you put them back in."
>>25913141
This is working way funnier than I thought it would.
>>25913193
Right?
It's normally hard to have a character be in a crazy world for any period of time before the crazy just becomes the norm, by the time Alice reaches the Red Queen she's no longer surprised when something fucked up happened, and why would she? It's been fucked up the whole trip. But by having a character who can't see it participate, you get the rare opportunity for every new thing to be weird to her, because she hasn't seen any of it and thus can't get a handle on just how crazy this world changed into. Everything is still weird to her because she can't see her new frame of reference.
It's rather clever, thinking about it. I might have to steal the concept for another story..
NC
>AJ
"Dash"
'???
~~~~
"..."
>...
"..You don-"
>THAT'S IT!
"W-... what's it?... where did you get that hammer."
She did not answer her.
Instead she swung that hammer to the side.
>PRINCESS!
Again she swung, and Dash could swear she saw that thing grow.
>PRINCESS!
Nope, was definitely growing every tine she swung it.
>PRINCESS MEETING! HOOOOOOOOO!
Dramatically, she held it up, and a beam of light shot up into the sky. One that, of course, showed a picture of an apple.
Then came the rock ballad.
Dash could not see it, but miles away, five pony faces looked up to the sky, and a single dragon hopped up in the air for no discernible reason
>Princesses are on the move, MOVE YER' BIG CABOOSE!
"...what?"
A whip cracked in the hoof of a white pony, and seemingly with it the ground beneath her broke. Instead, a lavender ex-unicorn riding in a rover shaped like a pony's head exploded from the ground, and the other ex-unicorn hopped inside.
The lavender one then leapt from her vehicle for a dive bomb. No reason why.
>Ah' don't need magic, hear me roar, GIVE IT SOME JUICE!
"What are you doing?"
A yellow blur of magical light shot down, running through a literal gauntlets of animals, every time she passed by they fell over from a gentle hug that was too fast to see.
>PRINCES PRINCESS PRINCESS MEETING NOW!
"Uh... o-okay?"
Twin shadows passed over a mass of ponies, dropping smoke bombs and pies on them as they flew past. The siblings looked like they were having a ball.
>PRINCESS PRINCESS PRINCESS MEETING NOW!
"I am so confused."
All five landed all around her, the little drake popping up from seemingly nowhere.
>PRINCESS PRINCESS PRINCESS MEETING NOW!
"Please stop-"
'GRAAAGHHH!'
"HOLY SHIT!"
Why Chitania had suddenly grown huge and roared, she had no idea.
>PRINCESS PRINCESS PRINCESS MEETING NOW!
The music stopped.
"...You done?"
>Hm? Oh, yeah... princess meetin' ya'l!
They cheered.
Dash just stared.
"...I don't want a horn anymore..."
>>25913543
...That fits so... so fucking perfect...
>>25913543
...WHELP.
I'm done for the day. That's enough life for now.
I'm not topping that shit, that's just rare gold.
>>25912795
Princess Applejack, fixing stuff, fuck gryphons, and fuck spies.
>>25913801
Ya say that, but with that one subplot getting NC'd, Snake Eyes is apparently living high on the hog. So fuck all spies except corporate ones?
>>25913815
Fuck good guy spies, then.
Though Jet is kinda debatable being as kill-crazy as he is....
>>25913830
It's kind of ironic considering the character I would say is one of the most morally reprehensible in the whole thread seems to have been getting off scot free so far.
I mean sure, he's not like world-destroying evil, but he's got this more...personal, scummy evil going on.
>>25913830
The guy had a moment. Everyone has a moment. ...Maybe a few moments. But he's made strives to better himself so at least he's learning/has learned.
>>25913830
It's not the kill crazy that offsets me, more the fact that he never seems to think it was a mistake, and actually called 7's unwillingness to kill him a weak point.
I get that this is the whole point, but I still find it funny the changeling is so squeamish.
>>25913906
...isn't he training so he can fight 7 better? I mean, that is bettering himself, but probably not in the way he should be.
>>25913859
If you mean Snake Eyes, that's because the only one he wronged in thread was 32 (and he accidentally caused the cordyceps fungus adapt to ponies but that isn't really on him).
If you mean Jet, he has had his shit kicked in a few times as well as a losing record vs his counterpart 7 (he even lost the hair thing). His murder-boner is kind of a result of his base personality of rebel and his training of serve Celestia mixing. Celestia doesn't want anyone dead and yet he seems hell bent on killing all threats unless ordered not to.
>AJ
"Dash"
~~~
Thup.
"You gonna keep banging your head on the window?"
>Yep.
"All the way to the Empire?"
>If Ah' can.
"...I'm considering hopping from this train and just flying alongside."
>More power to ya'. Iffin' ya' can, hit me from the other side, that'll be funny.
"Are you really that bothered? It's just going to be a couple days."
>Yes. Ah'm bothered.
"Why?"
>...
"...Whyyy?"
>...
"AJ why."
>...It threw off mah' groove.
"...pfft..."
>It ain't funny! Ah' had a whole thing goin', and then whoop! All that momentum gone! Ah' had a flow, Dash! A flow and now it's just gone! It ain't funny, this is serious!
"Oh... oh my gosh."
>WHAT!?
"...You went full Rarity."
>...noo...
"You did."
>Noooooo.
"Totally full Rarity."
>NOOOOOOOOOO! WHAT HAVE AH' BECOME!?
"Rarity, is what I just said."
>NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
"This is going to be a long train ride."
>NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
"And I'm going to love every minute of it."
>>25914136
You never go full Rarity, AJ. That route leads to madness and being petty to other mares.
>Lucky
"Haymaker"
'???'
~~~
>...Hey, Haybuddy?
"Yep."
>You ever see something that makes you rethink how you see reality?
"On occasion."
>Ever just see something that makes you just reconsider everything you thought up to this point about what's real and what's in your head?
"From time to time."
>...I think I'm feeling that right now.
"Are you?"
>You know what? I think I am...
'YAYYYYYYY! EMPIRE EMPIRE EMPIRE I GET TA' FINALLY GO AND I GET TA" SEE ALL THE SHINY PLACES I DIDN'T NEVER THINK THEY'D EVEN LET ME IN BUT NOW I GET TA' AND I'M GONNA BUY SO MANY COOL THINGS OTHERWISE AIN'T NOBODY GONNA BELIEVE ME THIS IS AWESOME AWESOME AWESOME YES THANK YOU YOU'RE THE BEST YES YES YES YES ANYTIME YOU WANT A FREEBIE YOU JUST CALL YAYYYYYYYYYY!'
>...because watching that mare run circles around Chitania and fucking swing from her horn like a damn jungle gym is making me think I died back at the zombies, and this is all one fucked up dream.
"At this point..."
'YAYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!'
"I'll believe anything."
>>25914450
>Sweet Note swinging on Chitty's horn.
....hnnng...
>88
"Lavan"
Gallop gallop gallop!
"Duck right!"
Gallop gallop gallop!
"To the left!"
Gallop gallop gallop!
"JUMP-"
Twhump!
>Oof!
"...to the left..."
>Ugh...stupid...mushrooms. Thank love these things aren't as hard as an actual tree tree. I'd have had like nine concussions by this point.
"Do you really think you should be leaning against it like that?"
>Come on, I know mushrooms, I was a five-star condo for one a loooong time ago. Besides, I gotta catch my breath and...wait, duh, why didn't I just do this in the first place?
"Do what?"
>This. EEKEEKEEKEEKEEKEEKEEEEEEKKK!
"Loud."
>Baddaboom, got this whole forest mapped out for me, and...wow...it goes on a while, huh?
"Yes, I think your eyeballs are seeding the whole place with new life. Though it's far more...mushroomy than I remember it being. As long as they don't revive the Grundles, everything'll be fine though."
>The heck's a Grundle, anyway?
"Pray you never find out."
>Ok, I think I got an idea where they went...yeah, alright, we can get this done in no-
Crrrrrreeeeeeak...THUMP!
>-time. Wow, these things fall over easy.
"Mushrooms are not very sturdy, no."
>I swear, if I didn't know you were just kinda dumb, I'd think you were a smartass.
"Ambiguity, this pleases me."
>Ok, get ready eyes, I'm about to get-YOOOooooouuuu...!
"...oh...did, did you not see the hole there? My bad!"
>>25914954
>Down the rabbit hole she goes.
Have fun in Wonderland.
>>25915167
>Meets a fuckton of weird characters
>Just thinks they're ponys or something.
I love it.
>>25915275
She still thinks Lavan is just a strong unicorn with not a lot of brains so it is consistent.
>Cadence
"2"
~~~
>...
"..."
*Suffle*
>...
"...do do do do doo..."
>...
*Shuffle*
"Da da da daa."
>...
"...bum bum banana banna bu buh bununuh."
>Do you want to go play?
"Nah, I'mma just sittin' here and watchin' you!"
>...
*Shuffle*
"Badadada..."
>...
"Bada dadada, dadadada dun dun dun duuunuh."
>I think you would be having more fun out there.
"I'm good!"
>...
"...boooo-"
>TWO!
"Yeah?"
>...Nothing, just... sit still.
"I am!"
>You're shuffling.
"...nuh uhhhhh."
>...
"..."
>....
"...A-CHOO!"
>Two!
"I was sneezin'!"
>Why do you want to sit in here anyway!?
"Because Shiny felt better when he was workin' hard if Ah' sat in the room. It's yer' turn now!"
>...
"..."
>...sigh... do dooo do do do.
"BUNUHUNUNUN BUN NUH NUUUUUH!"
>>25915778
Awww.
Do what you do, little 2.
>Pinkie
"Twilight"
~~~
>Sooo, we decided where we're going yet?
"No, Pinkie, we haven't. Who knows, I might just stay with my parents."
>Awww, but Twwiiiiii! We need a vacation!
"We just went to Partyland not that long ago!"
>A real one!
"We went in OnO adventures even less ago!"
>A real one where we don't almost die!
"...Fair enough."
>Sooo-
"So, go do whatever, because I need to clear out my mobile mechs so that nobody can scan these things and copy them again. That... went badly, and those were the small models."
>True!
"...Oh, fuck."
>Twi! Language!
"Fuuuuuuuucccckkkkk!"
>TWI!
"..."
>What's up?
"...I lost the keys."
>To... to the tank?
"It's called a juggernaut."
>Oh.. so how are you going to move all of them?
"..."
~~~~~~~
>HRRRKKK!
"PUSHHHH!... COME ON, PUT YOUR BACK INTO IT!"
>THIS IS SO DUMB, AND THIS IS COMING FROM ME!
"PUSH PINKIE! We've only got four left! Just four!"
>THIS IS THE FIRST ONE!
"Shut up and push!"
>This is why I never help friends move!
>>25916294
ONE JOB TWILIGHT
>>25916294
...Okay, yeah, I get that leaving the fucking... walking tanks around there is probably dumb seeing as PD with lackluster plans made fucking robots and giant mechs, but... doesn't that look a weeeeee suspicious?
>>25916660
right? just fucking teleport them somewhere that they can't be found, or stick a sign on them saying "DON'T FUCKING ACTIVATE THESE, THEY'RE SUPER WEAPONS DESIGNED TO GUARD EQUESTRIA, PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF FAUST DON'T TURN THEM ON THEY'RE NOT MEANT TO BE USED LIGHTLY"
I mean, it's Fancy Pants running the show now, and PD can't do shit to him, what's the w- nope, nope nope nope, not saying it.
>>25916923
DON"T EVEN IMPLY IT. We are having a happy arc dammit.
>>25916923
She can't teleport a tank, and she's worried someone else will scan them.
Remember, Flim and Flam BROKE IN thanks to a weakness in the defenses and the fact Twilight wasn't around. She KNOWS something is up with PD now, why take the risk:?
>>25915778
Oh hey! This might actually work!
Her track record is amazing!
>AJ
‘Spike’
Having received an urgent summons, Spike reported to the next stop the princess’ train made.
>SPIKE! There ya’ll are!
‘AJ!’
>Look Sugarcube I need you. Right Here. Right Now. More badly than I even done neede ‘ya before!
‘Uhh……’
>I mean it! I’ve tried stallions! Mares! Unicorns! Girly Stallions! My own brother! But none of them could quite get the job done.
‘Wow. Not sure how to feel about-‘
>But I know now. What I really need is someone with teeth, claws, & strength! Someone who knows how to light a fire and keep it going if need be! Someone who can really grab hold, who ain’t scared if it maybe hurts a little! Spike…I need you.
Spike swallowed hard.
‘Ok AJ. I’m not sure if this is a good idea…but if you need me…’
>That’s mah dragon! Now get on top ‘ah me, dig them things in real good and go to town!
He blushed fuiously
‘I mean…if you’re sure…’
>O’Course I am! How else am ah gonna get this armor off!?
‘…armor?’
>The sticks and leaves an stuff! What dijya think I was talking about?
‘Uhh….Nothing! Nothing at all! Get you out of that in a jiff!’
***
<3 hours later>
‘UGHHHHHHHHH-AGH!!!!!’
With a snap another piece of armor flew off the mare and the dragon fell to the ground. Both of them panting in exhaustion.
>Huff…huff…huff…good job sugar cube. That make’s 5. 11 more rounds to go….
‘AJ…please…the spirit is willing….but the flesh is tired and bruised…’
>No….no quittin’. It’s yer’ ain’t it?
‘Just…never….satisfied…’
>>25917531
job.
It was suppossed to say 'it's yer job ain't it'
what i get for rushing.
>>25917531
>‘AJ…please…the spirit is willing….but the flesh is tired and bruised…’
kek
wait, shit, this is familiar.that's another one for the dream journal, 6 months 7 days ago I knew this was going to happen
>>25917614
...maybe anon. Maybe. I get a lot of weird stuff like that too so I won't say you're wrong, but I totally lifted that from Zapf Brannigan.
>>25917614
Futurama. SNU SNU.
>>25917628
>>25917633
no no, you missunderstand, it's not the line, it's the post itself, the momentI clicked from another tab onto that exact story in a dream, like I said >>25917614
>>25917675
Deja Vu.
>>25917681
this is precisely why I keep a journal, dated with a description as accurate as possible of the event. I know the difference between Deja Vu and premonition, this is the latter, the former isn't in my dream journal.
>>25916294
>She's making Pinkie push it.
>When she has lifted a star bear before.
HAH!
>>25918209
That's what makes it funny. Her being dumb in the simplest situations.
>>25918209
but dude....it's a STAR bear. They're made of like...plasma and shit. Which is the least dense form of matter so they weigh like nothing or something....yeah...
>Chitania
"13"
'SN'
~~~
'YAYYYYayyyyyYYYyyyyYYYYY!'
"You're really okay with her just swinging on your horn like that?"
>No.
"...She's doing it."
>I can see that.
'YAYYYYYyyYYYYyyYYYY!'
"Soooo... get her off?"
>She is happy, and therefor producing a large amount of love. As she is initiating contact, I do not have to pay for this transaction.
"...Really? You expect me to buy that?"
>I am good with money.
'GOinG TO THe EmpIRE GOing TO THe EMPire! YAYYYyayyYY!"
"...Really."
>I will ground you.
"Where!?"
>I will find a place!
>>25918296
She's not being dumb.
She's getting REVENGE.
>>25918742
She is freaking adorable.
...Unless she's just super happy because Caddy got ousted, in which case I feel bad for finding her cute.
>>25919313
1. caddy isn't ousted. Just unmasked and lost a bit of respect.
2. Why would that make her happy when she has had zero interaction with caddy?
>>25919348
>1. caddy isn't ousted. Just unmasked and lost a bit of respect.
You know what I mean, her whole secret is ousted.
>2. Why would that make her happy when she has had zero interaction with caddy?
General "HA! She's getting yelled at for using us normal ponies... er, changelings, and taking all the credit. Take THAT, royal thing!"
Admittedly, I have no evidence of this, and it's more likely that she's just super fucking happy because the Empire is shiny and pretty and Sugar-Momma Chitty is probably going to give her money for souvenirs, just saying that in case.
>88
"Lavan"
"Are you harmed?"
>Nah, I've had worse. This doesn't even rank high in the top five worst things that happened to me in a cave.
"What about a tunnel?"
>Same thing, don't muddle the issue. Now let's see here-
"Teehee."
>Shut up. Ooh, yeah, one upside to this, it's somehow warmer in here.
"That's me."
>You brought a torch? Good foresight.
"Brought a torch? I am a torch."
>Oh, fire magic. Duh. But yeah, one moment-EEEEKEEEKEEEKEKEKEKEKEKEEK!
"Loud again."
>Phew, should have brought a drink with me, my throat's going to be sore if I keep at this. Onward and hopefully back upward!
"I wonder what dug this tunnel, it's very neatly done. It's spacious, it's cozy, it's surrounded on all sides by weird roots..."
>Those would be the mushrooms. The stalks and caps are just part of it, the tendrils down here are all interconnected like one big creature.
"I get to learn about changelings AND mushrooms in one day? Truly friendship is a blessing unlike any other!"
>Yeah, friendship is great, it's all jazzhooves and lollipops, you should really think about getting some more friends.
"I intend to! Anyone who wants to be my friend will be my friend...unless they're evil. Not doing that again, that ends horribly every time."
1/2
>>25919745
>Eh, evil gets a bad rap sometimes. Frankly a lot of times it's just what a sucker calls someone a lot smarter than them. Take me for instance, y'know how many times some ponce called me a monster before I drained him dry?
"Nine?"
>Ehhh, probably more, I didn't care to count. But for real? Is it my fault my species somehow lives off sucking out love? ...how the hell would that even happen anyway? Like, are we mutants? Were we ponies that fucked around too much with magic and ant farms? Is that one lady who can't decide on an accent right, are we aliens? Did that tool Discord somehow decide that the pun of a literal horsefly was too good to miss out on? Point is, fish gotta swim, birds gotta fly, lings gotta slurp up your feelings of lust and affection, y'know? I'm not gonna begrudge some farmer's wife blowing me away with a shotgun if I'm slurping down his thick creamy love disguised as her. Law of the jungle, baby. Do what thou wilt.
"...I'm sorry, I've been distracted."
>What by?
"You're walking on the ceiling suspended by mushroom tendrils."
>...well. Tits.
2/2Hope 88's rant doesn't come off as editorializing, it isn't, I just needed a subject to ramble about for the gag.
SHIT, I completely forgot I was going to write some cute OCOO Pommel/Daw stuff for christmasGod damnit I was going to have it be her birthday and have them working on the sword together
>>25919892
shoot for new years.
>88
"Lavan"
'???'
>Alright, well, this should have been expected. All mushrooms are of course inherently evil and out to get you. Add that to the lesson, buddy.
"Will do!"
>Now let's just see if we can't-nngh-bend my head forward and try to-nnnnngh!-saw through these damn tendrils with my horn! Fucking evolution, give me a nonsense way to eat but couldn't think to serrate my horn? Mother nature was off her meds when she thought me up!
'Now ain't that just the dangest thing?'
>...did you hear that?
"Is this a trick question?"
>Who's there!?
"Bugfriend-"
'Howdy ya'll, mah name's Sunny Trails!'
>...No. Way.
'Golly it's sure nice to see ya'll in here, have yew seen mah brothers? Happy, Dusty, Cloudy, Muddy, Hilly, an' Woodsy?'
"Who is this? Am I supposed to understand this?"
>What the shit!? What are you doing here!?
'Well shoot, ahm darn sure not doin' mah job, obviously. Ahm a farm mare! ...an Ah don't do no job, Ah just stand next ta the farm! Ah make sure the pigs're pink!'
>Lavan, this is one of my old disguise identities...why the FUCK is it talking to us!? Is this your crazy super unicorn magic!?
"But-"
'Mah lands ya got mouth on ya, Ah got half a mind ta wrassle ya down an' wash ya mouth out!'
>Lavan make it stop! What kind of crazy facing myself bullshit is this!? I'd rather tango with Cordyceps itself than relive this!
"YOU'RE TALKING TO YOURSELF!"
1/2
>>25920249
>...what?
"There's no one else here, you're making this weird voice come out of your mouth without moving it and it's kind of terrifying."
>Wait, how is that-what is that-I...WHAT!?
'Well ain't it obvious, hon? It's the roots!'
>...excuse me?
'These here roots came from shrooms made from what's in yer noggin'! They're gonna help ya stay where ya gotta be.'
>Stay where I gotta, are you trying to...no.
'Yup, we're gonna-'
>No.
'We're gonna-'
>No!
'Gonna-'
>NO!
'Keep ya rooted in tha past!'
>GRAAAAHHHHH!
Pew pew pew pew PEW!
Thwump!
Fsssssh...
"Remembered the lasers?"
>I...remembered...the lasers.
"I'll stay over you to burn away anymore of those tendrils coming at you again."
>Thank...you...
"Gonna be ok?"
>Fucking...hate...stupid...puns...
2/2
