Previous thread: >>27710433
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Old CrazyRain's Stories' Archives:
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obligatory dong ring reaction post
>>27737952
Herp derp dong ring derpa dee!
>>27737952
>>27737952
And into this Ring, he poured his cruelty, his malice, and his will to dominate all life.
>>27737966
prettiest pink filly
>"Anonymous, PLEASE!"
>You ignore your wife's pleading and continue to pound into her.
>Celestia moans pitifully but pushes her rump into your crotch.
>"Anonymous, I'm already pregnant. Wh-what more do you want?"
>>27738054
>You'd feel bad if it wasn't Celestia who keeps initiating these love-making sessions.
>"Oh, Anon, pound me into the ground!"
>lol k
OK. I know that it's an overused troupe, but I really want an amnesiac Anon; where he is found by pones and integrated into the sexist society. However, as time goes on, memories return and he realizes shit's all ass-backwards.
>>27738120
>Ponies try to take advantage of Anon's naivety by making him to a bunch of increasingly lewd things
>"No, Anon, ponies say hello by r-rubbing the mare's teats!"
PREG
NAN
CY
>>27738054
DOUBLE PREGNANT
>>27738054Not RGRE enough
>>27738054
>Sexing a pregger mare.
>Potentially breaking the cervix plug keeping foal safe
Anon, NO! Pregger mares are for love, cuddles, and funny grumbling about how "unmarely" it is to have a guy waiting on them. Wait until the babby is born.Then fuck another one into her.
>>27738399
>not having sex to quell her raging hormones
cruel
>>27738270
>>27738287
>>27738399
>>27738408
Wouldn't you all feel more at home here >>27655438
>>27738493
Have you been to that thread? It's shit.
>>27738399
> Sex during pregnancy is dangerous to the baby
Unless it's a high risk pregnancy, or the cervix has some defect, it really isn't. In fact, sex while pregnant can reduce the risk of preterm labor.
>>27738508
I try to steer clear of it, so fair enough.
>>27738512
>sex while pregnant can reduce the risk of preterm labor.
If it's gentle. You would NOT want to be rough at all. Especially as the pregnancy advances.
>Anon introduces the concept of grafting into pone agriculture
>AJ gets instantly triggered after seeing an apple tree growing pears
>"We have the parameter secure, ma'am!" the guardsmare said, smartly saluting. "Nopony's getting in or out without our say so!"
>...
>Should you salute back?
>You might be a princess but did royalty do something like that?
>For the life of you you can't remember anything about it in the royal etiquette book that you had picked up when you started this whole alicorn gig...
>...
>If you DID have to salute back did you need to click your hooves together just like the guard did, or would could you be a little more lax?
>Oh horse apples...
>The guard, still saluting, raised an eyebrow as you continued to just stand there, staring off into space like some weirdo
>"...Ma'am?"
>You jumped slightly
"Yes, yes, thank you," you said, with a salute of your own. "If you could just please stand by until Princess Celestia arrives--"
>Oh curd, she's giving you a funny look
"--and assesses the situation. While these ponies ARE disturbing the peace and destroying property they ARE still stallions--"
>You weren't supposed to salute were you?
>You did something dumb and now you were going to look like some lame-o
"--which means that we have to come at this delicately. We don't want to hurt any of them."
>The guard, still giving you a funny look, once again clicked her hooves together before she turned around and walked away from you
>No doubt going to tell the other guards that you saluted to her
>Cringing slightly, you looked around the street
>There must have been two hundred guards, from both the Night and Day Corps, walking around in full battle armor
>Some of them looked bored, others looked irritated, but almost all of them looked happy to be out of the castle
>You didn't have any idea why Princess Celestia would send this many guards
>It wasn't like you wrote to her that the world was ending...
>They were just a bunch of angry stallions that had damaged a gym...
>Your gaze wondered a bit before it settled on Anonymous
>>27738609
>He still was just in his underwear--you have no bucking idea what had happened to his shirt and his pants-- sitting cross-legged on the street
>Guardsmares were all around him, armor-less and fawning over him
>In his lap was Pinkie, who's mane he was running his fingers through
>Sitting beside him, with a mixture between amusement and irritation on her face, was Rarity
>While Anon still didn't look very happy, having a bunch of mares around him treating him like the center of attention had calmed him down significantly
>...
>Or maybe it was just Pinkie in his lap that was doing it...
>He DID like petting you all...
>...
>Whatever; just as long as he didn't go charging into the gym while you were trying to get everything figured out
>From within the gym itself you could see all of the stallions staring at the soldiers with scrunched up noses
>While you had, initially, thought that this show of force would make them think twice about all of this it seemed like to do the opposite
>Plates were stacked all around them, many of them were carrying around barbells, holding them like they were spears, and they had this look of grim determination that told you that storming the place wouldn't be fun for anypony
>...Except maybe Anon
>You didn't even want to know what he'd do if one of those stallions up and threw one of those plates at him...
>...
>Alright Twilight!
>The road as been closed off
>You've cut off the entire gym from the outside world
>Nopony's getting in or out there without being swarmed by dozens of battle hardened mares
>At this moment, the situation was more than under control
>Now you just had to wait--
>"Good afternoon, Twilight."
>You almost managed to keep yourself composed
>You were almost able to keep yourself from yelping with a spastic hop and a flap of your wings
>But you were too deep in thought, still too concerned with that salute
>>27737757Eh. It's pretty good - can't complain. We secret journal buddies now.
>>27738609
Hi Horsemom. How was the gym today?
>>27738628
>And she talked right. in. your. bucking. ear.
"Motherbuckinghorseapplesthedeerarecoming!" you cried, hopping into the air, your wings flapping wildly around you
>Quicklandonyourbuckinghooves!
>With a yelp, you hit the ground, splayed out awkwardly
>Shitgetupbeforeanyponyseesyou!
>With half of the guard staring, many of them chuckling to themselves, you scrambled to your hooves
>Princess Celestia, with a mischievous chuckle, smiled at you are you spun around to look at her
>The hoof that you had cocked back, ready to give your jokester a taste of the ol' one-two Sparkle style, immediately went down
>Your nose scrunched up at her as her smile widened
>Yeah, yeah...
>That was a bucking good one...
>Laugh it up, filly
"Good afternoon, Princess," you said with an inclination of the head
>You couldn't help but smile as the elder alicorn frowned
>Though she never said it you knew that she HATED when you did that
>Toughttittyfilly.lastlaugh
>"I came as quickly as I could," Celestia said, looking over to the gym. "So those stallions wish to speak to me?"
>You nodded
"Yes. They refused to speak to me because of... reasons. But if I were you I would wait, Princess. There's no knowing what they'd do if--"
>Annnnnd she's walking toward the gym
>"Oh I wouldn't worry about me, Twilight dear," your old teacher called over her shoulder. "I'm sure these nice young stallions just wish to talk. And if they don't I can assure you that I'm more than capable of handling myself."
>Just like you handled Chrysalis?
>Or Tirek?
>Or--
>No, no... Bad Twilight
>Your old teacher always believed in you
>And it wasn't like she was going to be fighting some villain with dark magic coming out of the wazoo
>She'd be fine
>In fact she'd probably get this whole nonsense sorted out before suppertime
>...
>Sure, you really didn't explain all that much in the letter
>So she had no idea what was going on
>>27738664
>And the stallions in that gym weren't acting like any stallion that you've ever met, so you honestly didn't know what they'd do when they saw her
>...
>As Celestia made her way over toward the gym you quickly waved one of the guards over
>"Did you need something your highness?" she asked as she saluted
>...
>That seemed like a mocking salute...
>Was she making fun of you because of that one guard?
>Did you-- whatever...
>BUCK. IT.
>You don't even care anymore
>...
>Really, you don't
"The Princess is about to speak to the stallions," you told her. "Even though I'm pretty sure that nothing will happen I'd like you all to be ready in case of an incident."
>"Ma'am yes ma'am!" the guard said, clicking her hooves together
>...
>Bucking saluting...
>Be Celestia
>Also known as Big Momma Sol in the streets
>We stuntin' out 'ere
>It seems like your old student has gotten herself caught up in a bit of a predicament
>Stallions rioting, a building being damaged, hostages, the whole nine yards
>To be honest you were sure that she'd have been able to figure out a solution to all of... this herself but you had a bit of cabin fever
>You wanted to get out of your stuffy castle and enjoy the day
>Though her letter had said that the situation was a little ignitable you were sure that you'd be able to talk the stallions down
>They might have been a little emotional, as stallions were known to be, but if there was one thing that you were known for it was calming ponies down
>You'd have this all sorted out by dinner
>You were sure of it
>A small smile came to your face as you looked away from the gym for a moment
>Oh? Was that Anonymous over there giving out pets?
>You'd have to remember to get a few
>Sweet Faust above did you LOVE your bucking pets
>>27738689
"Excuse me. Is it alright if I come in to talk?" you called, stopping a few feet from the front door of the gym. "I heard that you all wished to speak to me so I thought I'd come to see what's gotten you so riled up."
>Through the broken windows you could hear the stallions muttering quietly to each other
>The poor dears were no doubt scared stiff, what with all of the guards running around with spears
>You'd have to assure them that no harm would--
>You took a quick step back as the front door was open, revealing a muscle bound, giant, angry-looking stallion
>"Princess Celestia," he grunted with a nod of the head. "My name is Caramel."
>His gaze was steel as he stared into your eyes
>It wasn't like how a stallion would usually look at you
>In fact it was a good deal harsher than most mares would give you
>His back was straight, his chest was puffed out and, if you didn't know any better, you'd say that his lips were drawn back into a snarl
>...
>Alrighty then...
>Composing yourself, you smiled down at the stallion
"Good afternoon, Cara--"
>Before you could finish your sentence, Caramel had stepped out of the way
>An unseen force, somepony's magic no doubt, slammed into your backside, causing you to stumble forward into the gym
>"GET HER!"
>"TOPPLE THE LEADER OF THE MATRIARCHY!
>"TIE HER UP!"
>"MUH CHECKS AND BALANCES!"
>Quick to righten yourself, you noticed that you're surrounded by stallions
>The first thing that hit you was the smell
>Thick and musky, it permeated everything
>>27738708
>It was a smell of sweat and anger and stallion
>Your eyes widened as you realized that every single stallion in the room was a huge, sweaty, muscle-y beast
>...
>This was just like in your doujins
>A bead of sweat made its way down your forehead as Caramel stepped in front of you, a rope in his mouth
>"Princess," he said, stone-face. "Why don't you take a seat?"
>Your nostrils flared as he leaned forward, baring his teeth
>"We all have a few things that we need to talk to you about."
>Out of the corner of your eye you could see dear Fluttershy, tied up and gagged and blushing hard
>...Oh no...
>Your fetish
>Be Twilight once more
>You were pacing back and forth, a small frown on your face
>What the heck was taking Celestia so long?
>She should have finished up by now
>She should have--
>"How and the BUCK did they move so fast!"
>"The package is compromised! The package is compromised!"
>"Code cyan, code cyan, this is not a drill! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!"
>Your ears perked up as you looked around
>Guardsmares were frantically running to and fro
>Officers were shouting, guards were carrying around crossbows looking like their tails were on fire
>"Do I have permission to fire, ma'am?"
>"No. I won't risk you hitting the princess, Sergeant!"
>"I'm going to need more sand bags over here!"
>"We need to get closer!"
>"No! If we get closer then they might hurt the princess!"
>...
>Looking over at the gym you could see that the stallions were hanging Princess Celestia, bound and gagged like Fluttershy, outside one of the broken windows
>...
>Buck
>>27738537
>Anon wakes up in the middle of the night to find Applejack in a pointed hood burning down his hybrid tree orchard
>"Apple power!"
>>27738727
Alright, I'm done.
>>27738632
Hello, horse daughter. I didn't go to the gym today, but thanks for asking.
>>27738632I feel you. I'm thinking about getting a new job, actually.Does being secret journal buddies mean that nobody else is allowed to talk about what we spoil? Because I'm not sure I trust /mlp/ enough to keep secrets.
>>27738727
Oh for fuck's sake, Celestia.Anon will NEVER offer you pets now that you done fucked up.Horsemom, please assure me that a bunch of uppity horsecunts are going to get slapped. These stallions are making me as angry as an hour spent browsing /pol/.
>>27738790
Seriously, LaP, I need this. Fuck those colts, man.
>>27738790
I can assure you that things will happen, my horse child. Actions will occur and there will be consequences to those actions.Now its bedtime, Time to get in your PJs and go to sleep
>>27738794
Yeah, fuck 'em. Right in their tight ponuts and hear their squeals...wait, are we talking about the same thing?Update with nursey dates in a few hours. http://pastebin.com/tzXT8RCe
>>27738832
I'm always in my PJs, horsemom.I'm always ready for bed.
>>27738024
Only the fires of Mordor can harm the Ring.
>>27738530
I don't know about you, but gentle pregnant sex sounds magical.
>>27738609
LaP, I love your stories and I love you man (no homo) for writing them...but 'parameter' is triggering me.
>>27738832
But will those consequences ever be the same?
>>27738609
>Parameter
*perimeter
>>27738886
>perimeter
*barometer
>>27738848
>>27738732
I know I've asked this before, but could you start off your posts with a little comment as to whether this is a new story or the continuation of something else?
>>27738848
Welp. I'm not doing anything and can't muster up the will to do the other story right now. Hold up for me bby.
They say write what you know right? Art imitates life?
>Love and Powerlifting: Anon lifts and is slightly beta
>Shukaku20: Anon generally doesn't give a fuck
>AnalplugAnon: Intense spaghetti & socially retarded
>>27738848
This seems kind of relevant.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=69rEK_H07yg
>>27738978
Don't keep me waiting too long.
>>27739005
But it's RGRE. Naturally, their personalities are reversed too: LaP is basically a stick, Shuk is constantly attacked by schizophrenic thoughts, and AA is the smoothest motherfucker ever lived. We all know who got the better end of the stick here.
>>27739036
But remember the Anons we write are from normal Gender role worlds.I am actually an easy going, somewhat apathetic guy IRL.
>>27739036
>>AA is the smoothest motherfucker ever lived.
can confirm
>>27739036
I'm too short to be a stick.
>>27739005Go to bed, Anon
>>27739077
How short?
>>27739087
I'm five-six
>>27739087
Manlet short. He's probably 5'5.
>>27738727
kek
bondagelestia
>>27739099I thought I was the only one.
>>27739099
Ayy, I'm5'7
>>27738790I can always give you my horsemail address to besuper-secretjournal buddies.
>>27739005
I don't know if that's correct
>Drunk Anon: ???????
>>27739140
Never touched a drop of alcohol in his life. Pretends to be drunk based on what he saw in films to get out of trouble with authorities.
>>27739099
It's like looking into a mirror. A slightly taller mirror.
>>27739140Sempai's horsemail address would be wasted on me. It would be too tempting to send you sexy RP material
>>27739140
>Drunk Anon: A pure and innocent catholic nun who likes to pretend that she can partake of alcohol and post in imageboards
>>27739151
He's a sweet, innocent choirboy. His rebellious streak amounts to him pretending to be a misbehaving boy online on his favourite cartoon show forum.
>>27739005
>LaP: A Milf but a widower, The anon who lifts in her stories is actually based from her husband. She likes telling stories to her children.
>>27739170Well. That's an answer I never expected. Do what makes you comfy, but the offer's there.
>>27739173
>Drunk sits at the only computer in the abbey, some Gateway shitbox that was donated 10 years ago
>The only websites she can visit are the Pope's myspace
>And 4chan
>. . . their firewall rules are weird, ok?
>But she's going to spread joy and happiness to all us kids!
>And what do the kids like to do?
>Drink!
>And meme!
>. . . can you drink memes?
>Humming to herself, Mother Superior Durnk starts typing on the keyboard
>one
>key
>at
>a
>time"O...h......s...h..i....t-"
>She titters to herself at the curse"....h....e....r.....e.......c...o...m...e....s.........d...a...t.......b...o....i."
>After 5000 hours in MS paint, her first meme to reach the kids is done
>She is pleased.
>>27737597 #
"They say anon IS ALady.
>Celestia looks at you like your crazy.
"Just because anon takes care of his pretty pretty body~."
>Scrunch.
"He oil's it~.
>Scrunch hard.
"Praises it"
>Scrunch harder.
"MASTERBAITS IT!"
>"Ok thats it your under arrest" says a royal guard.
"DAM IT! LOOK!"
>You then rip away your pants.
>"By the gods" Yells celestial looking at the glowing dong.
>>"THE END TIMES! THE END TIMES HAVE COME!" Yells luna running out the room.
>"Could the legend of the "giant willy" be true!?"
>Its silent for a second before you fire your legendary dong power's turning celestia into a applejack.
>The guard nopes the fuck out
>>27739072
>>27739207Seriously though, I might take up your offer some other time.
>>27739026
Here we go.
>You are Twilight Sparkle, Princess, mother-to-be, and lazy mare still in her bed at noon.
>Right now, you feel none of the stress the first two titles should bring.
>You shift slightly on your side, not phasing the large form pressed against your back.
>A pleased sigh escapes your mouth as a pair of lips give the base of your ear a light kiss.
>Without even thinking, you lean your head back into the kiss, earning a nuzzle and whispered, baritone words with little meaning other than comfort.
>For a lucid moment, you wonder how you acquired such a mate, then you lose the thought to the muted pleasure the rest of your body feels.
>The pair of arms surrounding your body roam freely. A hand attached to an arm you lay against goes over your tuft, combing it with warm fingers before trailing down to your life swollen belly.
>With feather-light, almost hesitant touches it rubs your stomach is slow circles.
>..!
>A tiny hoof presses back against the hand for a short moment, earning a gasp from your bedmate.
>The hand rubs again.
>..!
>You’re hugged just a little closer to the form behind you.
>Past your large stomach and into your nethers, another hand works slowly.
1/x
>>27739298
awww shieeet
>>27739298
>The sore, engorged teats that escape your sight have done a one-eighty. Rather than be painful and annoying, they now send pleasant pangs all through your being at the slightest touch.
>The more naughty hand cups the tender flesh of one and softly squeezes and rubs.
>Your bottom lip is caught between your teeth as the teat’s sister receives the same treatment.
>A hot, dribbling sensation makes itself known to you after a rather daring squeeze,
>The hand rises back into sight for a moment, droplets of pure white on them.
>Your bedmate stops the kiss at the base of your horn for a moment, probably observing his dirtied appenage.
>The hand pulls away to behind you for a just a second, then returns clean.
>You almost miss the sound of smacking lips before the kiss on your horn returns.
>The already heated blush that burns on your face becomes a little redder.
>Hold on...
>Prod…
>Prod…
>No… Could he? No stallion is so daring.
>Something fleshy and so HOT pokes at your behind, missing a few times before it touches it’s prize.
>Wink!
>You shiver, already feeling tension build in your loins.
2/x
>>27739304
>Slow, so AGONIZINGLY slow does he push in. Your excitement making for an almost total lack of traction. With every inch that passed, you felt like a star could have been born and died.
>You pant with your mouth wide open, not even caring about the drool the escaped and stained the bedspread.
>You’ll clean that up later…
>More and more, do you get the delicious full feeling. The feeling of your body joining with the one you love above all else.
>Your tail flips, your ears twitch, and your legs curl.
>Why, why must he tease you with such lag!
>You toss your head back, breaking the kiss on your horn and desperately trying to capture his mouth with your own.
>His eyes, his gorgeous eyes sparkle with humor.
>For a moment, it looks as the catty human will remain the way he is, but he leans down and meets your kiss halfway.
>His small tongue is no match for yours, letting you push your way into his mouth and explore the cavern of sharp teeth like the countless times you had done before.
3/x
>>27739320
>The jagged teeth remind you.
>This human is a predator. Not a pony. Not even a stallion.
>His thick arms could break you. His stamina could run you down. His teeth, the ones he willingly gives you dominion over now, could shred and consume you.
>But he would never do that. You know it.
>You’re the lamb who tamed the lion.
>! Your thoughts are cut off once more.
>After an eon, smooth, furless hips meet your own as your pitiful moan echos ever so slightly in your lovers mouth.
>Soooooo gooooood…
>He breaks the kiss with a quiet grunt and pulls out just as slowly. No. He pulls out even slower as you involuntarily clench down, trying to keep the contact for as long as possible.
>The full sensation is lost, replaced with a desperate NEED to have it back. Tears of frustration almost come to your clenched shut eyes.
>When just the head remains, he starts the long journey back inside as his hands resume their work.
>One rubbing circles onto your delicate middle, and other other rubbing and teasing your teats.
>Again, he hilts himself with a shaky exhale, and pulls away again.
>>27739325
>The slow burn in your loins grows at a lethargic pace, a pace you don’t find acceptable.
>Squelch!
>He gasps when you purposely clench as hard as you can in a bid for more, almost repulsing him out.
>The arm aimed at your teats stops and wraps around your leg, pulling it up and giving him more leverage.
>In again, despite all the resistance your entrance provides.
>Sharp teeth nip at your neck as the lazy tempo is set.
>In.
>Out.
>In.
>Out.
>Release builds. It’s so slow, but you can feel it.
>Again, you pant, uncaring of how unprincess like it is.
>You push back as best as pregnant mare on her side can, wanting the wondrous friction that your insides demanded.
>Despite that, he never let the speed go beyond a snails place. Never let the volume of the loving go beyond whispering.
>Like a candle, the slow burn in your marehood grows brighter and brighter little by little.
>Clench!
>Your lungs are filled air thanks to a sharp inhale.
>Just a little more..!
>Almost..!
>The sound of flesh meeting flesh grows sharp and crisp.
>Colors peek into your vision.
>Your tongue is coated is sweetness.
>CLENCH!
5/x
>>27739335
>No sound escapes as your world explodes into bliss, into absolute euphoria.
>A dull roar sounds in your ears as the colors in front of your eyes bleed together into a breathtaking mosaic
>For a short moment, you forget where you are, and wonder if you struck by lightning.
>But lightning would never feel like ecstasy, would it?
>Untensing, you go limp and pant, trying to recover, but it all starts to build up again.
>He’s not done. Not by a longshot.
>Each thrust is punctuated by a quiet slap now, thanks to your drenching him.
>You build again, in a haze this time, and again you know rapture.
>How much time has passed, you’re unsure. But the uneven pants on your ear tell you one thing.
>He’s close.
>Mustering up as much energy as you can, you toss your head back and try to capture him a lip lock again.
>Again, he leans down, looking you in the eyes as your mouths touch.
>Nothing is said.
>Nothing needs to be said.
>He tenses, pushing is as far as he can without harming the foal, and shivers.
>Heat blossoms in the chamber outside your womb, and your world explodes into color again.
>Not a sound is made.
>He releases your mouth from his, letting you fall to the bed limp.
>A moment later, thick arms wrap around you in a tender hug.
>”I love you, Twilight.”
>You smile.
>The book you had on “Exotic Stallions” was totally wrong.
>And you are happy with that.
6/6
I chose Twilight because she gets shit on so often in RGRE. I figured she needed love.
>>27739320
>>His small tongue is no match for yours
>You will never have a broad pony tongue dominate you in a kiss
>>27739298
I don't like that image. There's something...off about the snout.
>>27739373
To me it's the eyes.
>>27739339
Good job, NOF. I really liked your depiction of Twilight.
>>27738537
Apple trees actually have to be grafted in order to grow edible apples, due to apples not inheriting similar DNA from the parent tree per extreme heterozygosity
>>27737952
>>27738984
This anon is a cool cunt. Fag.
>>27738054
JUST CUM INSIDE HER BUTT! MAKE HER BUTT PREGNANT!
>>27739339
You know who needs love?
Not Twilight.Or Applejack and Dash.Hint hint.
>>27739468
>FRRRRT
>"Oh, excus-"
>>"Waaah!"
>>27739486
I know what you're thinking, friendo.
>>27739536
>You will never ambush her the first time she leans back in her chair and takes a deep breath, exhausted from work
>You will never tempt her away from her office with gentle kisses on her neck and teasing nibbles on her ears
>You will never slowly peel off layers of professional clothing while she complains that she needs to get back to work
>You will never quiet her down with kisses
>You will never have to hold her back less and less as she get more and more into it
>You will never ease your way into her while she moans that she's SURELY too old for a foal
>You will never prove her wrong in the coming months
>You will never fill her up and hold her close
>You will never make her feel appreciated for all the hard work she's done
>You will never find someone in real life who will tolerate your presence enough to let you try and spoil her like that
>>27739576
Anon, I have in my life managed to date two people and trust me when I say if a fuck up like me can get that lucky then you can find yourself a qt3.14 assuming you keep looking.
>>27739586
W-what? N-no, Anon, I wasn't p-projecting or anything like that.
>>27739604
Sure, and I was a remain voter in brexit.
>>27739617
I just wanted to make Anons feel bad about themselves. Why can't I just fuel the flames of one's low self-esteem in peace?
>>27739586
>me
>dating a human
>>27739632
Problem is those fleshlights have to be replace a couple of times a year
>>27739660
i dont use a fleshlight though. i just do my job and design random shit. and also masterbait.
>>27739673
and vidya. cant leave that out.
>>27739621
Because anon...I care about you!
>>27739632
But you and your hand have such a great relationship!
>>27739800
we do. im not going to deny that.
>>27739800
Lies, I woke up and that bitch was cheating on my with my cousin.
>You pick absentmindedly at the plate.
>Batting the carrots from one side of the plate to the other.
>”Hey!”
>You jump in your seat.
>Eyes dart up to meet the stern face of your butler.
>He quickly skewers a few carrot pieces off of your plate with a fork pinched firmly in-between two of his lithe fingers and holds them up.
>”We’ve been over this Diamond, don’t mess around with the stuff you don’t want to eat.”
>You scrunch your muzzle at him but he doesn’t back down.
>Instead he brings his fork closer and hopes the carrot pieces just in front of your mouth, “Now come on, eat your carrots. Don’t make me feed them to you.”
>You push his hand back with your hoof and swiftly snatch up your own fork.
“I was just saving them for last Anonymous!” you huff “and haven’t WE been over you calling me Diamond too?”
>Anon’s eyes flash with a spark of emotion before dulling again, he lets out a sigh, “Sorry, Mistress Tiara.”
>You flash him a smug grin of your own.
“Who do you think you are anyway, my father?”
>Anon blows air through his nose, a coy smile forms on his face, “Hell no, I’m just the poor sucker who agreed to get paid tons of dosh to make sure his kid doesn’t die out in the city by herself-“
>A growl begins forming in your throat.
>”-Or goes all blind because she won’t eat her carrots.”
“I will not Anon!” you snap back.
>”Oh yeah?” he goads.
“Of course! How are the two even related?!” you huff.
>”I dunno, mistress,” he stresses your title coldly, "maybe you could ask your little friend. Silver Spoon? I recall she hated eating carrots too when she was over at the manor. How thick are her glasses now?” he asks, a mock innocence in his voice.
>You begin to respond but find it caught in your throat.
>Your mouth hangs open as your brain struggles to come up with the REAL reason why her eyes are bad but nothing comes to you.
>>27740090
>A gentle pressure settles on your tongue, your eyes dart down to see Anon’s fork is entering your mouth.
>Anger and indignation courses through your veins as his fork scrapes along the bottom row of your teeth, depositing those disgusting vegetables in your mouth on it’s way out.
>He gently lifts your chin to shut your mouth with an exaggerated cheerful smile plastered over his stupid face.
>His lips may seem pleasantly cured, but his eyes show his true feelings.
>They are sharp and focused entirely on you, watching intently for your next action, like a predator stalking it’s prey.
>You can feel your heart quicken and an unease settles in your stomach, this feeling only tears your further in two.
>You want to spit out this disgusting vegetable in defiance and to further ease the discomfort in your stomach, and at the same time you just want to swallow it down and hope he’ll be satisfied enough to drop that face.
>As your internal debate rages on, the taste in your mouth only gets worse and worse until your gag reflex kicks in and you cough out the carrots back onto your plate.
>”Aww goddamn it Di- mistress. It’s just carrots for god’s sakes!”
“If you don’t find them so disgusting then why don’t you eat them?!” you respond while wiping your tongue with a napkin.
>”Because the way they taste isn’t the point. Jesus, if I had only a fraction of what you had when I was growing up-“
>He pauses, nostrils flaring as he breathes heavily in your direction.
>Anon raises a hand and pinches the bridge of his nose, “Just eat half. Alright? I’ll finish up what you leave behind.”
>Anon rises from his seat across from you and begins wishing his dish.
>You stare at the remaining pieces left only our plate and frown.
>Looking up at Anonymous, you can see how tense his shoulders are even through the suit he has to wear.
>You glance back down to your plate and grimace at the thought of having to eat these damned things.
>>27740098
>You skewer up your entire half onto your fork and force them ell down at once with a huge helping of water.
>A mixed cough/sigh escapes your lips as you set your glass down on the table.
>Anon glances over his shoulder at you, he seems calmer though still not fully calm “You should get your saddlebags mistress Tiara. You’re going to be late to class if you don’t hurry.”
>You glance over to the clock in your apartment and practically jump out of your seat.
“Oh Tartarus!” you shout as you run to gather up your things.
>Anon is looking down at your plate as you are passing through on your way to the front door.
>He turns your way and calls out after you, “Have a good day at business school, mistress Tiara.”
>You shut the door behind you and continue trotting at a reasonable pace through the campus square.
>He sounded almost sincere for a moment…
>”-sucker who agreed to get paid-“
>HIs earlier statement flashes in your mind and you immediately dismiss the notion that he was being actually nice to you just then.
>Anon...
>He’s been working in the Rich manor for a few years now, not too long after being integrated into Equestria from Erf or wherever he’s from.
>You’ve known him since you were a filly, and he looked after you fairly often, along with the other butlers of course.
>Unlike the other butlers however, your special talent has almost no effect on him, he barely listens to anything you tell him to do!
>So naturally you and Anonymous got along as well as a Pone Noir and a vinaigrette salad, which is to say terribly, disgustingly so in fact.
>Your classroom building comes into view as you round the recreation center.
>You moved away from Ponyville to attend business school here in Manehattan, mostly to get out from under mother and father’s frogs.
>But their hooves extend further than you expected and still keep you pinned even without their presence.
>>27740104
>Mother and father likely chose him to look after you instead of any of the other butlers because they wanted to irritate you into coming back home and finishing your studies there like father desired.
>But you are not going to falter so easily, You are Diamond Taira, practically a grown mare in your own right despite your age.
>And you will live without such oppressive boundaries!
>…Once you figure out how to get rid of that damned butler of yours.
>You rinse off the suds to Diamond’s plate and set it down on the dishrack.
>An uncomfortable silence fills the empty apartment once you shut the tap off.
>”I’m just a poor sucker-“
“Damn it!” you curse aloud, breaking the silence if only for a moment.
>You went way too hard on her just then, she may not think she is, but she’s still just a kid.
>It was a lot easier to deal with her back at the manor, you could tag in the next horse guy when you’d had your fill of her bratiness.
>You let out a sigh.
“Ain’t nobody to tag in out here” you muse aloud.
>This is still a learning period for you both, butting heads and getting mad at the drop of a hat like you have been.
>It’s just like having that little sister you never knew you’d get paid to have.
>Except she’s very little, and a horse.
>So maybe ‘just like’ is too strong a phrase…
>Still though, this is the life you chose.
>Sure you’re getting paid top dollar to live in this swanky ass part of Manehattan rent free and shit, but it wasn’t really the money that made you put in the request.
>All those other butlers back at the manor are spineless, doing whatever she says instead of what’s best for her.
>Had they been here in your place you have no doubt she’d be worse off, if not dead already.
>Diamond’s not a bad kid, her parent’s just weren’t around enough to really show her the way.
>You know the feeling, though that was because your family was poor as shit, but still you’ve seen the familiar hurt in her eyes.
>>27740110
>Getting a letter telling her that they won’t be in tonight versus a call telling you too they picked up another shift, two sides of the same coin.
>You glance over to the plate, watching small droplets of water steak down the length of it.
>She ate half of them, that’s better than before.
>Gonna have to think of a better approach than just threatening her though, her parents give you a lot of leniency because you’re the only human, but you know that even that has it’s limits.
>Maybe you’ll cook up her favorite dish tonight, mac and cheese with the bit shaped noodles.
>You chuckle to yourself as you recall overhearing her fantasize the dish being real bits and liquid gold when she was younger.
>Checking the drawer, you find that you are actually out of the bit shaped noodles…
>Well if you’re going to go to the market for those then you might as well draft up a list of everything else you’re going to need.
And idea I've had bumping around in my head for a bit, I hope it's looking alright so far.
>>27739486
Fluttershy?
>>27740115
Who said you could stop? More, man! This is great stuff
>>27739339
Yesss, so perfect. Slow, sensual and most of all, loving.
10/10
So much GREEN and about things I like.
>>27738834
Shit. Can't do a huge text dump like I expected due to issues. Here's a mini update for now.
>>27732702
-----
>Oh Celestia, why did your shift have to end so late today?!
>You sprint down the streets and arrive panting at the front porch
>You check the time
>8:07
>It's not that late, right?
>Right?!
>For the second time today, you ring the doorbell
>The entrance opens up, and the lump in your throat disappears
>Wow
>Even in formal wear, he manages to show a bit of that "punk flair" he has
>Dress shirt, sleeves rolled up, with a black vest accompanying it
>A silver chain dangles from his breast pocket, ending with a ruby
>You look down at yourself
>Absolutely nothing; didn't even bother to take off the cap
"You're a total knockout."
>He crosses his arms and puffs up his cheeks
>"And you're late."
"Oh, erm. Sorry."
>"It's OK, I guess. You know somewhere to go?"
>...Buck
>>27740551
That was mini.
>>27739339
That was great.
>>27740115
DT is a cunt, but she's not wrong. Cooked carrots are gross.
>>27739536
>>27739576
She loves her job and she feels like a proper mare should always work and it's the stallion that takes paternity leave to take care of the children, but now she would really feel like she could take a small break. Maternity leave is a relatively new thing and she's tempted to try it.
>>27740771
Fuck you, cooked carrots are delicious in butter.
Everything is delicious in butter.
>>27740787
So yes, butter is delicious.
Cooked carrots are not.
>>27740787
What about butter? Is butter better in butter?
>>27740852
>not eating deep fried butter on a stick slathered in butter
>>27740787
>>27740821
>>27740852
>>27740899
Can we please shut the fuck up about butter? It's making my stomach churn.
>>27740960
Yeah. Liable to give me a gallstone at this rate.
>>27740960
>>27741153
I'd churn her butter if you know what I mean.
>>27740960
>Minotits immigrate to equestria
>Keep suggesting dairy foods
>Ponies do not want weird foreign food
>What sort of weirdo eats their vegetables with solidified milk on them?
>Anon builds a wall
>Ponies misinterpret this and continue building it higher and longer
>Equestria is soon surrounded by a giant wall
>There is exactly one door, which is in Anon's original segment
>Anon just wanted a new room for his house
>Now he has to shoo away border patrol ponies every day
>>27740771
Especially if they have that caramel glaze stuff on them.
>>27736573 #
Meanwhile, his wife was fucking other guys within 6-12 months.
Because women are whores, and she wanted a new meal ticket.
>>27741375
>Meanwhile, his wife was fucking other guys within 6-12 months.
>Because she's pretty sure her husband is dead, and thus, they are parted.
FTFY somewhat
>>27741394
This.
It's reasonable to find new love if your spouse dies.
>>27741375
Wow, don't cut yourself on the edge there kiddo
>>27741484
I wouldntt call a profound truth 'edge'.
>>27739617
Did somebody say Brexit? I'm still giddy from the whole thing.
>>27741491
> Women are whores
> Profound truth
Yeah no. Women are exactly as slutty as men, which is to say there is a range of promiscuity. There are women who would remain a widow. There are men who would be sleeping with other women in 6-12 months.
Cynicism is not wisdom. Misogyny is not healthy.
>>27741546
And you are naive.
>>27741558
Because I don't believe every single woman is a whore, only some of them? Keep stroking your bitterboner, friend.
>>27738729
If the apple don't win, we all jump in!
>>27741394
>6-12 months
>implying she was ever faithful to begin with
>>27741595
>beep beep, reddit coming through
>"The Aristocrats!"
>>27738847
KEK Lord of the dong rings
>>27742093
What is this meme?
>>27742382
look. it. up.
>>27742382
It's an old in joke for comedians.
It like guys I came up with a new joke
>tells story that is gruesome or sickening for the audience
"That's awful, what do you call this joke
The Aristocrats!
>>27742411
I mean, I could, or I could ask a question, continue playing my vidya, then come back after a little bit to find my question answered by a nice anon like >>27742423
Seems easier to me. Have a couple sexy horses to help easy your frustration.
>>27742447
lazy garbage.cute pic tho
>>27742447
look up "Gilbert Gottfried tells the aristocrats joke" on youtube and you'll be in for a treat ;)
>Luna asks her sister for advice on how to get Anon to notice her.
>Celestia explains how she should use clever innuendo.
>This happens.
>Pic related.
>>27741375
2016 is a bitch aint it?
>>27742999
Checked aaand sauce?
testing testing ignore this please testing
>>27740115
i am excite
>>27739536
>You will never bother her after work on her relationship status every day
>You will never pester her to the point where she has a meltdown, yelling to you that she's never felt a stallion's touch and has basically reached wizard status
>You will never feign surprise and offer help to get her dicked
>You will never see her get rejected, colt after colt, each making her a bit more confirmed on the fact that she will never get laid
>You will never offer to be her partner for a week just so she can understand what couples feel like when they're together
>You will never walk down the street with her, random pedestrians eyeing the two of you's obvious age gap as she becomes increasingly embarassed>You will never elaborately set up a ship of the two of you by planting false evidence throughout the entire school; she believes that the little thing you two share is private when every foal and filly in town knows
>>27741340
You are really good at random, durnk.
>>27740821
You've obviously never had candied carrots
>>27742999
I loled
page 9
>>27741492
KEK
>>27731319
>You feel your heart rate slowly but steadily increasing.
>He moves forward slightly and you remain stone still, fighting yourself all the way.
>The conclusion on whether or not you were fighting to stand still and be polite, or fighting to move from a fearful paralysis was still up for debate within you.
>The two soft hoofsteps to your right prove that regardless of whether or not Dash’s mind was as tangled as yours, she had chosen instead to move back, returning herself the minute amount of space he’d just taken almost instantly.
>”It’s good to see you Anonymous! Have you been doing well?” Twilight asks the ‘him’ that stood before you.
>Twilight gave you a species but you can’t seem to recall it.
>When she speaks you can hear the gentle smile on her lips and have to assume it’s more genuine than whatever you were doing with yours.
>You want to introduce yourself, or say anything really, but your throat feels so dry.
>”Mhmm...“ he replies in a gruff baritone, deeper than you were expecting even given his size.
>And he was certainly… sizeable.
>He stood on his hind legs like a Minotaur, and his chest was flat and broad like one
>That was where the similarities in size and posture differed.
>While they could’ve outdone him in width of chest and barrel, he was taller than any minotaur you’d ever seen (even if that wasn’t many) by a full head, and he stood up straighter and with more poise than you thought possible for another creature, especially since you could see no tail for him to balance his stance.
>He has a mane, but you see little to no fur on his visible portions excluding almost unnoticeable tufts here and there and a notable amount of bristle around his muzzle.
>The animal part of your brain is quick to reason that is MUST full of rows of sharp teeth.
>You dimly note that he’s wearing clothing.
>>27745660
>You want to focus on them instead
>You want to idly examine the patterns, color and thread count, but you can’t make yourself focus on anything that isn’t his physical form or what he might do with it if you let your guard down.
>You feel the fur on the back of your neck tingle to life as he drags his rounded, lengthy claws across the back of his own.
>He had no talons or anything of similar description, (which you found indescribably odd given the rest of him) but with that many digits working together you imagined he would still be very good at holding on to things.
>Grabbing things.
>Holding things down.
>Keeping them still while he did… whatever it was he surely did to them.
>Still, these features weren’t comparable to the cold, harrowing thrills his face awoke in you.
>You called his mouth a muzzle before, but it wasn’t that; that would be too normal.
>His jaw and face are flat, flatter than most you can think of, and what you assume is his nose juts sharply away from the center.
>You might’ve called his side-sitting ears avian, like a gryphon’s, if each of them didn’t have odd coiled scoops around them, as if they had been crafted for some unique purpose.
>Still, most damning evidence of what sort of creature he was was surely his eyes.
>Celestia, those eyes.
>They weren’t like a ponies eyes; large, gentle and unthreatening.
>They weren’t even round and beady like a Minotaur’s.
>They were small, narrow, sharp things, set forward-facing in his head with stern ridges about the ends and overheard.
>He didn’t need the peripheral vision afforded to most pony eyes.
>He never needed to hide or identify a threat on the horizon as quickly as possible, no.
>Those eyes wanted to chase, to hunt, to ensure he could focus all of himself on whatever creature he was slowly but surely running down with hungry, impassioned need.
>>27745669
>When you combine these unique traits in your head, his face, eyes, ears, limbs, a reasonable thought echoes back to your conscious mind that you can’t seem to focus on.
>He’s looking right at you now, and you can feel your traitorous legs start to shake.
>The veil of shade cast over his bust from the comparatively low-hanging roof sets his face in ominous shadow.
>You could swear that his eyes are luminescent from how intensely they strike you in the darkness.
>Watching you.
>Examining you.
>”Umm, this is Rarity… and she’s Rainbow Dash.” Twilight says, surely motioning to each of you respectively.
>You can feel Twilight’s eyes on you but you don’t look away until he turns to regard the others in your party.
>Your eyes hit the ground hard, a small breath leaping from your mouth as the dozens of misheard messages are suddenly translated in your brain; monkey, monkey, it’s a monkey, he looks like a monkey?
>Taking your chance, you turn to examine Rainbow Dash and aren’t much surprised.
>Puffed feathers like you imagined, and her harsh expression matched the aggression in her flared chest.
>There’s a faint rise and fall beneath the disturbed tuft and she seems to be subtly shifting her weight between each hoof, preparing for something, ready for anything.
>You can only admire the resolve that you apparently lack, and your ego defensively attributes it to all the time she spent with gryphons steeling her.
>You’d prefer a gryphon right now, honestly.
>At least you understood them, gotten used to them.
>This wasn’t going at all like you imagined.
>”Today’s… the ninth, isn’t it? We were going to get together today, remember? Are you, umm… is this a bad time?” Twilight asks, an ounce of worry in her voice.
>You cautiously look to him again, intelligently avoiding the abyss of his eyes.
>>27745677
>”… Oh, yes. I’m sorry.” He replies, his face softening slightly as he turns to inspect his house behind cover of arch and door, “Please, come inside… sorry about the mess.”
>As he speaks you are further enlightened to the quality of his voice.
>Smooth, rich, and surprisingly unthreatening, as if somepony had diligently smoked a stallion’s tone in alder and dark chocolate.
>If you closed your eyes you could almost imagine him as a regal saddle-arabian, or a sturdy zebra, or even a bulky minotaur.
>As he steps back to allow all of you entry you notice the sharp masculinity of his face.
>He moves slowly, pulling his door open and giving you a small glance at the interior, the air displaced inside rolling out and filling your nose with an alien but definitely ‘male’ scent.
>His smile is warm, maybe even nervous.
>Your emotions clash with your brain, both simultaneously instructing you to politely decline and willing you to enter the exotic stallion’s home.
>Be reasonable, Rarity.
>A beast doesn’t apologize for the state of his home.
>A forest monster doesn’t smile kindly and invite you inside.
>You’re better than this, you and Dash, both.
>As if confirming your thoughts Twilight nods affably, scrapes her hooves on the mat, and briskly trots inside, undaunted.
>You mean to follow her, and with set jaw and stern willpower you mange, keeping to her example even as she passes right next to your host.
>”Dash?” Twilight begins, turning back and noticing the cyan mare hasn’t moved from her spot on the stoop.
>Your freshly groomed tail brushes his legs just a little as you pass him, just to see what happens, just to make sure this wasn’t a mistake.
>Dash’s riled chest wilts somewhat as she shoots the both of you a cautious, questioning look, still making no move to enter.
>”You coming?”
>The lavender unicorn silently pleads with the Pegasus in her smile.
>>27745689
>The male, seemingly ignorant to your light touch, peers at her in mild confusion as you mirror her the look your purple companion is also sending.
>This is silly, darling.
>It’s fine.
>Come inside.
>The pause that follows is noticeable but thankfully brief.
>Dash eyes the tall creature, her posture softening slightly as she crosses into his home.
>Unlike Twilight, she makes sure she hugs the doorframe opposite him, and watches with silent unease and he slowly pushes it closed.
>”I brought some drinks with me!” Twilight announces, cutting through the quiet as she pushed deeper into the house and entered what you guess to be his kitchen from afar and in the dark.
>He hadn’t lit his candles, so even in the twilight his home was shadowed and stilted.
>”Celestia sent me some of that, uhh… umm… “
>”Bonnibell’s?” comes a soft, hopeful reply from Anon, turning in the direction the librarian vanished in.
>You notice for the first time that the tall male is whispering slightly whenever he speaks, putting his tone just a little under his breath.
>Regardless, you can still hear him perfectly fine.
>”Yes! She sent you some as a welcoming gift! She thought it might help you settle in!” Twilight replies, her voice at a slightly higher volume even though she could apparently hear him just fine.
>He must be monitoring the sound of his voice, keeping it un-intrusive and likely under his norm.
>”She’s a saint…” he returns with much relief, a small restless smile painting his features as he wrings his claws together over his stomach.
>As he speaks your realize that you haven’t seen a clear view of his teeth beyond the briefest flashes of white, not once.
>He’d apparently been to Canterlot for a time before coming here; perhaps you were seeing signs of his stay there
>Brief reflections of harsh lessons learned.
>>27745707
>You can completely understand why ponies might give him a negative reception, even if you were beginning to dislike yourself for it.
>As you look at him peering anxiously after Twilight, lost and awkward with the departure of what was surely one of his only familiar lifelines during this get-together with complete strangers, the guilt you’d forgotten from earlier came rearing back in a new form.
>You’re both a mare and a lady; you’re above small-mindedness like this.
>Show it at least once tonight.
“I-It’s… It’s nice to meet you, Mr. Anonymous.” You began, your ears falling slightly as the full weight of his gaze focuses back in on you, “Th-thank you for inviting me onto-… into your home.”
>It was a little more difficult than you first anticipated, but you did it.
>You said the first thing you’d ever said to him and you were polite, even when looking directly into his eyes caused a jittery rumble to start up in your chest.
>”Oh… well, the pleasure’s all mine, Miss Rarity.” he replies, visibly easing up after you addressed him yourself.
>”The door’s unlocked, right?” The Pegasus behind him interrupts to your mild horror, the moment of comfortable curtesy blown to pieces in an instant.
>Could Dash not read into the mood at all!?
>”Oh, uh… no, no it isn’t locked...” Anon replies softly, turning to her briefly before reaching out and adjusting the lock-knob to confirm to himself that it hadn’t engaged after he shut it.
>He politely pretends he doesn’t notice the implication of her question but you’re almost certain he does.
>There’s another awkward pause, and the incredulous glare you shoot Dash drains her of her rude attitude almost instantly if the apologetic look she returned was any indication.
>This was turning out to be a wonderful first impression.
>Twilight, as if sensing your distress, pokes her head around the corner and addresses the room.
>>27745725
>”Hey, I’m starting the kettle. You did bring that tea, right Rarity? I don’t think Anon keeps any in the house…“ she asks, turning to look back into the kitchen.
”Yes!—yes, dear.” You reply a little too loudly, amending yourself, “I’ve got it right here in my saddlebags. I’ll bring it right in.” you confirm, trotting casually as possible towards the kitchen as Anon addresses the soul remaining pony in the living room.
>”You can sit down over there if you like.” He offers, motioning to the quartet of minotaur-sized furniture set precisely around a rectangular coffee table at the other end of the room, all of it sitting two or three feet from the unlit fireplace mounted in the wall.
>A stiff breath escapes you as you enter the kitchen and join Twilight; you’re relieved to escape the sitting room.
>You both work your telekinesis, she setting the kettle’s lid into place while you lifted the auburn satchels hanging around your middle and separated them from their contents.
>”His house is nice, isn’t it? Hard to imagine it used to be run down.” She said, lifting some plates and glasses from the nearby cabinets.
>They were big.
>In fact, you were starting to notice the off size of the kitchenware compared to the kitchen she and you were in.
>The four cups she’d pulled out barely fit inside the cabinet she took them from and the plates had to be tilted sideways in order to sit properly.
“Yes, they did a wonderful job on it.” You reply, dividing the fresh lemon cakes from your satchel onto two plates.
>”I hope he’ll be comfortable here… “ Twilight continues, absent-mindedly shuffling the oversized cookware above her into a better position.
>She turns and stays you a comforting glance, expressing much more in it than what she’d said with her mouth all evening.
>Twilight was a pony, too.
>There was no way she didn’t understand this, these feelings he awoke in you.
>>27745736
>You felt him looking at you as you left the room.
>The tingle that traveled your spine alerted you instantly whether you liked it or not.
>Your logical mind acknowledged his trustworthiness now, but that didn’t stop it from going blank for a split second whenever he put you in his sights.
>It was puzzling, frustrating how your body disobeyed you.
>The moment you actually exchanged words you could tell he meant no harm, but you felt as though the ripples running through you from your first meeting might never truly end.
>You didn’t want to think about what might happen if he had indeed just traipsed outside and into the market with the other ponies in the middle of the day.
>It would be Zecora part two, ‘the super deluxe edition’.
“Yes… yes, I hope so, too.”
>Twilight grins at you over the island countertop in the center of the room, and a relaxed silence falls over the two of you.
>You can’t hear anything from the living room so you have to assume Dash hasn’t gotten into a hoof-fight with your host.
>When you stop to think about it, it was probably a stroke of good luck that Dash is one of the first ponies in town to meet him.
>She could be a little overprotective at times, but it was comforting knowing that she’d always be one step behind (or if she had her way, ahead of) you if you needed her, and she’d be a powerful ally for getting the townsfolk used to him for the same reason.
>She’d throttle any mare that called a friend something unsavory.
>That was just the way of things for the element of loyalty.
>Just when you start to consider going in to see how they’re getting along, the kettle atop of the oven begins to whine harshly, the spout lid clattering open from the pressure.
>”Okay, you can head in now if you want. I’ll be there in a second.” The purple pony asserts, turning from you a lifting the whistling cookware from the heat with her magic.
>>27745746
>You nod and whisk the two plates full of treats into your aura, sparing her a quick glance before entering the living room with your snacks.
>You’re surprised to see both Anon and Dash hunched near the fireplace, their forms shifting slightly as the set about an unseen task.
>Lighting it, most likely.
>Dash’s left ear twists as you cross deeper inside and set the plate of cakes on the table just behind her, turning to acknowledge you as you do.
>She looks frustrated.
>You and Twilight had been gone for a while and in that time, it seems, they had lit every small oil lamp in the room.
>There were only four that you could see, and oil was incredibly simple to light.
>The only thing that remained was the log with the fire.
>Had they been trying all this time?
>You want to be amazed at how close to him she is, but Dash had always been the brazen sort.
>Maybe she had a stronger constitution than you expected.
>”Ugggh, Rarity! Get Twilight to make a flame! This wood’s waterlogged or something.” The cyan mare complains, the annoyance evident on her face.
>The crouched human turns to face you, embarrassed, the lit match clutched between his slender digits being dropped to join the small pile of dead ones already present.
>”Ahh, yeah. Sorry, we’re having a little troub-Oop!“ Anon starts, cutting himself short as the fire suddenly sprang to life.
>His torso twists and his claw whips out of danger faster than you can register what happened.
>Dash, being close and responding to his quick movement, rockets into the air like a cat, her wings flying out freely and striking one of the plates of cakes you’d just set down.
>You gasp as Anon falls onto his rear from surprise and the plate of confectionary slides to a stop and hangs dangerously over the edge of the table, narrowly escaping a cruel fate.
>Dash hovers overhead, staring Anon down intently, her eyes wide and her pupils small.
>>27745755
>There’s a moment of tense silence as Dash assesses him, her wings shifting subtly in the air to keep her aloft as he peered between you in alarm.
>Maybe she wasn’t as ready as you thought.
>You can’t lie to yourself, either.
>For the briefest of moments your treacherous mind thought that he was going to snatch Dash off of her hooves like a timberwolf claiming its meal.
>He could have done it, too.
>Dash had been caught completely off guard by the speed of the large human and she knew it.
>She knew that if he had a mind for it she would be his, wriggling violently to escape his muscular frame in vain as he pinned her, enjoyed her.
>The thought stirs a strange, alien tremor in the pit of your stomach when you put yourself in her place, and you can’t seem to identify it.
>You knew fear, you’d been feeling pangs of it all night; it wasn’t that…
>”What!? What’s wrong!?” Twilight exclaims suddenly as she emerges from the kitchen, cups of steaming drink, some with teabag cord and some without, clutched in her aura, inciting another small tremor of tension in your group from her hasty return.
>Dash, embarrassment flushing her face, scans the other faces playing audience to her overreaction and slowly hovers back to earth.
>”Uh… sorry… about that.” She whispers to your host, shame cropping up in her expression as she looks away and rubs a hoof against her opposite foreleg.
>Anon shakes his head simply and offers the Pegasus an understanding look as he gets to his feet and brushes off the back of his pants, clearly satisfied by the apology.
>>27745660
aww yeah
im loving your story so far
>>27745764
>As you gingerly push the disturbed dish back into a safe position you sigh, turning your attention to the confused librarian.
>The house and fire had been lit, the snacks were here, the drinks were hot, the booze was chilling in the kitchen and the guests were all here.
>Everything was ready.
>Hopefully you were, too.
“Nothing, darling.”
>>27745772
Annnnd that's it for this part. The next one should end it. As always, if you guys spot any mistakes or anything please tell me and I'll fix them up. In the meantime, here's my updated pastebin. http://pastebin.com/u/tANDghouls
>>27745767
Thanks for reading bud. Glad you're enjoying yourself.
>>27745810
Scared pons a cute.
>>27745755
>>27745764
kek
Dash flipping into the air like a scared cat, priceless.
>>27745764
>>The thought stirs a strange, alien tremor in the pit of your stomach when you put yourself in her place, and you can’t seem to identify it.
>>You knew fear, you’d been feeling pangs of it all night; it wasn’t that…
Oh yes, the predator/prey fetish grows.
>>27745810
Your story is great so far man.
>>27745810
You don't post often, ghouls. But I wish you would; your stuff is gold.
>>27745818
-
>>27745895
Very, jittery pones are a must.
>>27745928
That was the best way I thought of to describe that motion in my head. It's literally perfect, haha.
>>27745942
Thanks a lot, I appreciate you reading it. And yeah, that's gonna be the focus of the next part for sure.
>>27745961
I'd like to think it's all me, but a lot of the other writers come out with more content than I do, and of similar quality I'd say. I think the only reason my stuff isn't a hot dumpster fire is because it takes me so long to write and edit ANYTHING that I leave myself a lot of room for changing stuffs indev. Still, Thanks for reading. Seriously, I'm flattered anyone's keeping up with my work enough to remember me in between stories.
>>27746089
Rarity is a very kinky mare.
>You are Moondancer, and your friends are all plotholes.
>You were preparing for another night with your good friend Rosy Hooves, but Minuette and Lemon Hearts somehow convinced you to go with them to a bar.
>And now you've found yourself in a mildly humiliating situation: sitting by yourself nursing a rum and horsecola so slowly that it isn't even getting you buzzed.
>"Hey there, cutie."
>A stallion sits next to you and smiles.
>"What are you doing here all by yourself?"
>But not just any stallion.
>Lemon Hearts' friend Anonymous.
>You know, the human creature.
"Whu-I-not much. Just..."
>You make a vague hoof gesture towards the dance floor you have never stepped hoof in.
"Enjoying.... things.
>Beautiful.
>Absolutely wonderful.
"Y-you?"
>Anonymous chuckles and waves down the bartender, who appears immediately.
>Anonymous takes a sip of his drink while you gulp down the remainder of your own.
>You try to wave down the bartender like Anonymous did, but she ignores you in favour of a group of drunk colts who can barely keep themselves upright.
>Of COURSE she'd give the COLT his drink before anypony else's.
>Bucking colt-catering stallionists.
>"You look a little bit down in the dumps."
>Anonymous reaches out and grabs your hoof; you fight the instinct to tug your hoof free so that you don't get normie germs.
>"Wanna come with me? I think I can fix that."
>....
>Let's think.
>A colt is being nice to you.
>He's holding your hoof
>He's ACTING interested in doing dirty things toyour tuft
>....
>Are you drunk?
>You look over at your growing collection of mugs and glasses; 4 drinks spread over about 2 hours.
>You look back to Anonymous, who's rubbing his thumb in circles on the frog of your hoof.
>Yeah, you're drunk.
"Maybe some other time, Anonymous."
>You remove your hoof from his grasp, stand up, and walk out the door.
>Celestia, how much did you have to drink if you actually thought a colt was interested in you?
>You wonder what he actually wanted.
>>27746109
Yes, and she's about to have a new one if I have any say in the matter.
>>27746166
>body is a MAXIMUM readiness
>>27745772
>Anon, meanwhile, is sick to death of ponies acting like he's about to drag one of them away and eat them.
>As politely as he can, he makes the meeting with Twilight, Rainbow Dash, and Rarity as short as possible.
>Anon no longer accepts visitors because fuck those ponies.
>>27746166
moondancer why
>>27746166
>You sit there confused as fuck at being shot down so ruthlessly by a nerdy little mare who totally needed the vitamin D tonight.
>You thought this was going to be paradise being on the opposite side for once.
>Women-well mares throwing themselves at you since you had the D.
>Nope still not worth anything even in technicolor horse land.
>This does not expand dong at all.
>>27745810
MMM YES
>>27746331
>Anon cannot get women to put out even when mares in this world would generally impale themselves on anything with a penis
>>27746331
>>27746502
this can only lead to suicide
Hey thanks for all the feedback! I’m glad some people enjoyed my green. It was originally conceived in two parts, so I hope you all enjoy the second segment as much as the first:
Also part 1 in case you missed it is here: http://pastebin.com/JLja3pCy
...........................
>Be Anon
>The gloom was settling down like water soaking through a towel, and the ever-dimming pockets of natural light were splotched against an opaque sky
>It was going to be quite dark tonight
>This was not a bad thing, however, when one considered your situation
>Sneaking out from Twi’s was becoming more and more like some demented mission from Metal Gear than a simple walk-a-bout
>Since discovering A.J.F.F.M., you’ve begun to work there as one of the Sapphire sisters’… erm…
>”Consumer assistants” as Glisten preferred to call them
>You know what you’re doing isn’t exactly glamourous
>There are nights that prove to be tough, when the smell of booze and debauchery chokes the air, with hollering and grunts of all sorts, and of course a variety of….
>Eccentric clientele
>Really rowdy mares
>The kind that don’t understand that forcefully pinning someone down and “being loving” are not one in the same
>Ma-anon didn’t raise a horse-fucker
>At least the money was good
>So today you were making your way down to A.J.F.F.M. by dodging in and out of the various alleyways of this vivacious little town, pattering down familiar routes designed to through off followers
>Namely Twi
>Thank Kek for the dork’s early 9:30 bed-time
>Sure she’s been trying to stay up to-
>-Ahem-
>”Oh, and keep dear vigil for the finest colt in all of Equestria! A fine stallion with hair as silk, and-“
>You didn’t feel like reciting the full soliloquy
>Lost in its cringe-inducing verses, you nearly bump into Bon-Bon, whom was closing up her stand for the night
>>27746567
>Good thing you didn’t have your-
>Sigh
>”Monkey Fever” outfit on
>It was almost nothing except a bra for your package, (complete with thong backing) and a DK-inspired tie
>”Watch it ball-brains! Your ditzy ass almost bumped me!”
>Bon-horse was not pleased
“Uh-huh. It’s a shame those sweets will get more moist in this summer heat then you’ll ever be.”
>Strolling past her, she engages full on rage mode, stomping her tiny hooves in agony
>”Well who’s fault is thaaaa-“
>You turn around briefly
“What?”
>”Nothing! Not like I wanted to bump into you! You A-ape!”
>With a massive blush on her cheeks, she slams the remaining stuff into her stand and prattles away, making “humph” noises the entire time
>Well that was fucking weird
>You stumble into A.J.F.F.M., taking that omen into account
>Be ready for anything
>Checkered Sapphire is hurriedly shooing in a group of mares as you approach, clearly trying to make time for you
>You smile and wait patiently for the rowdy group to finish discoursing on the subject of “most juice let loose in one go”
>Eventually you stroll up to the front desk and give Checkered a smile
>It’s hard to hate this bubbly, over-zealous mare, even if she was pushy
>”So, you here for work or to-“
“Work, Checkered, sorry, I know I said we’d hang out sometime, and I plan on holding you to that. Maybe I’ll take you out for a nice breakfast at the end of the shift, my treat.”
>She lets an explosive, snorty laugh
>”Colt? Taking ME out? And paying for it? Ok I need to lay off those PB “Ride’m Mare” shots, this can’t be real.”
>You frown
“Yeah yeah I fucking get it yuck it up. But I mean it. It’s the least I can do for you and your sister.”
>”Oh I can think of other things you can do with me and my sister.”
>Her eyebrows dance
>AAAAnd this where you head in
>>27746572
“Ugh. Okay, I’m going in. But seriously, give the offer a chance.”
>”Oh don’t be a rotten bastard. Of course I would love to go. You know I’m always hungry for something to put my mouth on.”
>Fuck’s sake
>You head in
>The night proves to be a busy one
>After getting changed, you’re really put through both your paces and patience
>You, Caramel, and the other “assistants” are constantly on the move, and constantly getting sidetracked between waiting, performing, and playing nice with the rambunctious mares
>It was extremely exhausting
>And you’re pretty sure there is a hoof mark on your ass from one of those slaps
>Though those slaps never stop
>You’d think your ass was ambrosia or something with the way they constantly paw at it
>You were currently serving what looked like a mafia mare, complete with fat stacks of bits, a fresh suit, and slick hair
>But early on you learned asking too many questions wasn’t smart, so instead you were letting them ogle you whilst you handed out some pitchers of “Stallion Sleep-tight”, a particularly strong malt beer with tinges of ginseng and an acidic after-taste
>The main mare, a burly black and blue unicorn, was trying to sweet-talk you
>”C’mon baby, we’ll even go by the lake after we’re done playing with all my toys.”
>Fuck that, that wasn’t suspicious at all
>After serving them, you excuse yourself to the back room, hoping to get a breather
>Shutting the door behind you, you lean against it and let out a long sigh, slumping to the ground
>You look up to see-
>Fuck
>Looks like you’ll have to wait on that break
>”Oh my goodness moony toony Anon, I am having such a meltdown right now.”
>Caramel
>It was always Caramel
>Anytime something went wrong, it was Caramel
>No Fucking Exceptions
>>27746580
>You look up at the prissy stallion sitting on a lone “toy” box in the center of a room lined with all sorts of horrid items and outfits, as well as a few blander utensils like cleaning supplies
>Not to mention the “extra-private” room door, adorned in black obsidian, which you learned very quickly to never go in as it was reserved for the-
>”Differently satisfied customer”
>You will never know what that mare was planning to do to that poor stallion with 80 hot-pockets, some rope, a hockey mask, twenty socks, thousand island dressing, and a live timber-wolf wearing a dominatrix costume
>You never asked the poor fucker when you saw him crying in the bathroom later
>Thank Kek you haven’t got assigned to that duty
>You refocus on Caramel, who’s been blabbing to you this whole time
>Fuck should start paying attention, you don’t want to have him need a “time-out” with a container of ice-cream in his own personal cardboard box
>”-so then I said, look my body, my choice mare-y, I’ll have you know I’m a registered stallionist-“
>You fight back a giggle as hard as you can, but a little slips through, and Caramel looks at you
>”Hey! Do I need to start from the beginning due to your misand-“
“Just get to the fucking point Caramel.”
>”Ugh, you are so basic. Fine, the POINT-“
>He makes a barrage of exaggerated gestures that almost send him careening off the box and into a pile of plastic dongs nearby, but catches himself
>”-is that now, ever since that mare thought that “giving me a hoof” in a SACRED place, it’s been hurting non-stop. My thing feels like it might be… y’know….”
“What?”
>”Hurt! Or something! Look, can I ask a favor?”
>Oh this is about to get weird isn’t it?
>>27746589
“Caramel. I. Am. Not. Going. To. Inspect. Your. Dongle.”
>”But this is seeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeerious Anon, what if it explodes-“
“That isn’t going to fucking happen-“
>”But if it DOES you would be responsible!”
“How?!”
>”Because you didn’t help a bro out by getting on his thing.”
>Dead silence
“I fucking hate you.”
>”But Anooooooooon pleaaaaaaaaaaaaaaase-“
>Fuck is he annoying
>Not to mention Glisten might get on you if you let him make a scene
“Fine.”
>”Wait really? Wow you must really car-“
“Pay me.”
>”What?”
“I said pay me. I’ll help you if you pay me.”
>”Oh! Like you touch mine, I touch-“
“Do you have to make everything uncomfortable?”
>”Ok Anon geez it’s like, so basic of you to do this. But fine, twenty bits.”
“Fuck that, it’s thirty.”
>”Ok.”
“Up front.”
>”OK.”
>”No weird stuff either, just a look.”
>”OK! CELESTIA BE JUST DO IT ALREADY!”
>You groan, get close, and look at-
>Ugh
>You’re gonna be sick
>But thankfully it looks like he has nothing wrong
“It’s fine dumbass, you probably just pulled a muscle near it.”
>”But it huuuuuurts. You sure there is nothing wrong?”
“Caramel. Fuck off. You’re fine.”
>”Just one more look?”
>You sigh again
>Seriously, he looks fine
>Probably just hit something wrong
>You just hope no one walks in while your head is this close to his-
>”SO NONNY I-“
>Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck
>>27746604
>You turn around to face-
>The worst possible being that could’ve come through there
>The pink, energetic mare stares in bewilderment, cheeks beet red
>”Uh, is this a bad time, or… Glisten said you were on break, and…”
>Caramel pipes up
>”He was just grabbing a thing!”
“Shut up!”
>”You were grabbing a thing?!”
“Yeah uh, I was helping Caramel grab his thing-“
>”You were grabbing HIS thing?!”
“I WAS NOT PLAYING WITH ANY FORM OF DONGLE!”
>The room was once silent
>Caramel quietly slips off the box, puts his stuff back on, and begins to trot out of the room
>He stops before exiting back into the den
>”To be fair I did pay him to-“
“SHUT THE FUCK UP YOU ARE NOT HELPING!”
>He bolts out of the room, and you can hear his whines die out as a mare picks him up the second he steps out of the door, strolling to find somewhere to “get better acquainted.”
>The room is silent for the third time
>Ponka lightly starts again, sitting down lightly so as not to land on any unsavory artifacts
>”So-uh….. that was really really really really awkward.”
“Yeah.”
>”And kind of-“
>You grimace at her
>She gets redder in the face
>”You know, it’s not everyday you see two stallions- uh”
“Why are you here Pank-O?”
>”Whuh?”
“This isn’t your kind of joint. Despite your eccentricity, you’ve always been on the nicer side. This here’s a place for the mares who don’t mind a bit of dirt on them.”
>””Yeah, well-“
“So it tells me you’re here for someone else, aren’t you? Always trying to keep others happy? Colt and mare alike?”
>She looks down
>”Yeah. I know this place ain’t my thing. I don’t like the smiles here one bit. But I have a friend who really wanted a favor from you and didn’t have the beans to ask so I just really wanted to make her happy and-“
>She begins rapid-firing an explanation
>But you’ve heard enough
>>27746617
>You put a hand on her shoulder and the other on her chin, pulling her up so she looks you in the eye
“That’s very sweet of you Ponk.”
>She smiles
>You guys have a little moment
>”So you’ll do it?”
“Well, what is it?”
>”She wants you and her to be booked for a few hours tonight in a private room.”
>Oh, you’ve done that before
>Just take’em back, indulge them a little bit, but don’t do anything risky
>There’s like 10 rooms in the basement of this place, (which is actually quite nice, unlike the “black door” room), which can accommodate “Private activities”
>Most mares who sign up for it are just lonely and want someone nice to talk to on a soft bed
>Sure some are more risqué, preferring such acts as spooning and….
>Hoof-holding
>You shiver
>But this shouldn’t be a problem
“Sure Ponk, I think I can handle getting one of those down-stairs rooms for ‘em.”
>”Uh, she meant THE private room.”
“What do you mean THE-“
>You see her pointing at the black door
>Aw hell naw
“No.”
>”Anon pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeease it’s important.”
“I am not going to do anything in that room. Atrocities happen in there. Planting Plot couldn’t move his plot for weeks after just one visit there.”
>”Oh, Anon it can’t be that bad.”
“Nope. No. Any room that always needs a restock of whipped cream and ball-gags is not a good sign.”
>”But Anon. I’ll pay even, just please do it.”
>Wait
>Money
>Fuck your inner mercenary always gets the better of you
”Wait, how much? And you’re not paying for it-“
>”Wha-?”
“The mare is. You’re too sweet to pay for this sin.”
>She blushes
“500 bits. This is serious shit.”
>”Ok.”
“Cool, tell her to give me 20 minutes to prepare myself for the worst.”
>”Wait, what changed your mind?”
“Partly you-“
>She smiles
”And partly….”
“The money.”
>”Wait, the money? Really?”
>She giggles
“What?”
So much green.
>>27746624
>”Nothing, that just kind-of whorse-ish Anon.”
“No it’s not being a whore to commit unspeakable acts for money.”
>”No I think that’s literally the definition of being a whorse.”
“No, it’s more like a mercenary.”
>”I didn’t know mercenaries did this kind of stuff.”
“Ugh, they don’t its just-“
>She looks at you curiously and intently, since you now asserted yourself as the go-to source of knowledge for mercenary-whores
“Just… get going Ponk, I don’t want anyone to get a bad view of you from hanging around this place. And Ponk…”
>She looks back at you
“What you did today, knowing that this place is one you despise but following through due to your friend, it’s…”
>You look for some poetic thing to say to her, to tell her how you respect her loyalty to her friends
“Nice.”
>She smiles, getting your meaning, and heads off
>You go get yourself ready
>After rolling for dubs, and packing down some of Glisten’s home-made and quite excellent veggie dumplings, which had that excellent fraise sweetness mixed with the bitter crunch of a carrot, topped with a spiced aftertaste of cumin and crushed pepper that made your mouth water, you got ready to enter the dreaded “Black Door Room”
>Glisten gave you a concerned look when you asked for the key, and a small radio with a button on it to press, which she hid down the front of your pseudo-nut bra
>”Just in case it gets to be too much. And don’t worry it magically tracks your physical status too.”
“My fucking what-“
>”Nevermind. It’ll be ok darling. Now go and make it work you gem.”
>She gave you kiss on the cheek, and walked off
>You have been seeing her look down at a screen near her office every now and again though
>You at least appreciate her looking out for you
>With a great deal of dread, you unlock the door, switch it’s sign on the outside to “Occupied- and Ready”, and go in
>It looked….
>>27746633
>Ok
>It was of early 1900s décor, much like the rest of the place, with red curtains surrounding a few strategically placed mirrors, and a stereotypical red heart-shaped bed in the center
>There were some reasons to be concerned, however
>The bed smelled like death
>There were claw marks across the walls, as well as various overly large “Assistance-utensils” scattered across the ground
>There was also what looked like a strange bondage-machine attached to the wall with all manner of restraints and sadistic devices
>And if one looked at the wall on the other side of the bed one can see “help me…” written in an unknown fluid across the wall
>Lovely
>You opt to stand, and you don’t have to wait long before an ominous creak squeals forth from the door, and you see the huge mass be pushed open and close with a slam and click as the lock is activated
>Fearful, you turn and it’s-
“Bon why are you wearing that costume? You just look silly.”
>Bon-bon, whom had entered wearing a very poorly-stitched together changeling outfit, grimaced at you and tried to put on her most intimidating, marely voice, which unfortunately for her just came off as cute
>”Grr, who is this Bon-Bawn you speak of? I am certainly not her. I am the mighty Queen Crystaldick-“
“Chrysalis.”
>”Yes that one! And I have come to pillage you of your innocence you fair colt maiden who is dumb and I do not know and whom I do not at all lo-“
>She catches herself
>”Hate! Now prepare thyself for the most torturous night ever, as I ravage your-“
“What do you want Bon-Bon? It’d be easier if you just told what heinous act you had in mind.”
>The mare, embarrassed but trying to save face, storms up to you and tries to pick you up, but her hooves and fore legs are obviously not strong enough, and so she strains and huffs, pumping against your leg
>Wait, like-
>>27746645
“Ugh. Bon, seriously, you can just tell me so that way it’s easier to play along. And you don’t throw your back out, and stop acting like-“
>She stops her pumping and looks up at you
“That.”
>Somewhat defeated but ever persistent, she grudgingly obliges and you lean down to hear whatever dark, horrid act it is she wishes to partake in
>You brace yourself for the worst
>…
“Seriously?”
>She nods, looking up to you with pleading eyes
“Ok. If that’s what you want.”
>You hold her hoof
>She smiles
>(Some time later..)
>You were exiting the room of Unspeakable Acts
>It went fine
>She just wanted you to hold her hoof and tell her she was a good and nice horse
>You push the bits she was putting in your hand away
“Bon just keep-“
>”I am not Bon Bawno or whatever, I am Queen Crystalsplick-“
“Chrysalis.”
>”Yes that and for these horrid acts I must pay you.”
>You put the money back in her painted saddlebag
“Bon Bon. Next time, just ask me up-front instead of all this ok?”
>She finally dropped her act
>Sorta
>”Well, A-ape baka maybe I didn’t want to pay you anyway. Humph.”
“Ugh.”
>You think for a minute
“How ‘bout coming to breakfast sometime instead? My treat.”
>She looks up at you in excitement, then back to fake-anger
>”I’ll think about it, dummy colt. Should be making me breakfast anyway. No colts today are traditional I swear.”
“Uh-huh. Think about it Bonnie.”
>”W-Whatever.”
>She storms off, passing a tired-looking Glisten as she comes up to you, her smile and tired eyes breaking her usual appearance of almost-royal dignity
>”Well she seems fun.”
“I guess. Still can’t figure her out.”
>”O colt, don’t play with her heartstrings like all those other no-good shallow stallions. You know Lyra and her have been just DYING to be part of a herd. And you should start lookin’ into it too y’know, we can’t do this forever.”
>>27746663
“I… I just don’t know. And what do you mean ‘we’?”
>She gets redder than cherry-Kool-Aid
>”Ooops. Uh, nothing. Hey, why don’t we head out to the back porch? It looks out on a great view of the sun coming up over AJ’s acres, and we’re pretty much done for the night anyway.”
>You could use a break
“Sure.”
>You both head out and sit on the place’s dinky little porch, gazing at the glowing horizon
>Glisten lets her mane down, and slumps a little as tiredness sets in
>You scoot closer to her
>And she to you
>”I just can’t keep up this act forever, y’know? This place has seen its day, and I’m hoping someone else could take over this place so Checkered and I can be free.”
“Free to do what?”
>She lets out a tired groan and leans into your chest
>You put an arm around her
>She smells like fresh strawberries and sweat
>”I don’t know. Start a family maybe? Get some foals, find some nice, honest work to do.”
“This isn’t ‘honest work’? I thought that’s how you explained it to Mayor Mare.”
>”Ha-ha, not exactly. But yeah, just… something to do that makes me not so tired that I can see the sun more often. And foals would just be nice… I don’t know, I guess I’m just dreaming. Who would want to be with some dirty, gross mare that runs a joint like this?”
“You’d be surprised.”
>She smiles and snuggles into your chest, and you can feel the over-worked mare’s breathing slow as you watch the sunrise and her dreams take her to a place where things are easier
……………….
>Be Twi
>With science to try!
>You woke up beaming and checked the clock
>5 a.m.
>Oh, you’re sure Anon will be so excited to get up so early for this!
>You got a brand new classical romance novel to read with him!
>Colts like that stuff, right?
>How could anyone sleep at 5 am with something like that?!
>You bolt down to his room, throw open the door with glee and-
>>27746679
“ANON! Look what Derpy just delivered for me! It’s-“
>Gasp
>Thy fair colt!
>Oooooooooh, he better not be at that dirty den again
>That place isn’t safe for a colt such as your precious flower!
>You dash out of the castle like the gallant knightess you are!
……………………………
>You are back to being the Cena-tier badass that is Anon
>Checkered has come out too, clumsily plopping down next to you with a burp that almost disturbed her sister’s sleep
>She was quieter since though, and the two of you were whispering about the night’s events
>”So then Caramel took the ramen and the hamster and-“
>”ANON YOU! I’VE BEEN LOOKING ALL OVER FOR YOU BIG COLT! I TOLD YOU TO KEEP YOU PRECIOUS SELF AWAY FROM A DUMP LIKE THIS! WHAT WOULD YOUR FATHER SAY?!”
>Glisten jumps awake and nearly falls off the porch, but you catch her, and the bleary-eyed mare clings to your chest
“Chill the fuck out Twi I was just-“
>You pause
>Think Think Think
>Ah-hah!
“Taking a couple of friends out to breakfast. Want to come?”
>Smooth
>Twi looks surprised, but then smiles
>”Oh, you sly colt. Surveying for herd-mates are we?”
“What?”
>Checkered chimes in
>”Well duh, whaddya think? Oh and we should get the pink one and Bon Bon and her weird friend to come along right Anon?”
>Ugh
>These mares
>Can’t say no can ya?
>One question remains
“Are you paying for it Twi?”
>”Of course I will pay, being the mareliest-“
>That works
>But what are you going to do with all these mares?!
………….......
Pastebin: http://pastebin.com/u/ThatGuyM8
Hope it was enjoyable!
>>27746699
> 0/3 uses of "whom" grammatically correct
Kinda cringey that way.
>>27746572
>>Strolling past her, she engages full on rage mode, stomping her tiny hooves in agony
>>”Well who’s fault is thaaaa-“
Oh TGM8, that's too cute. I love tiny ponies throwing tiny temper tantrums and stompting the widdle hoofsies.
>>27746624
>>Most mares who sign up for it are just lonely and want someone nice to talk to on a soft bed
>>Sure some are more risqué, preferring such acts as spooning and….
That's actually really sweet. I like the idea of Anon being a cuddler-for-hire, there to comfort ponies when they don't have anyone else to turn to.
>>27746239
Anon becomes 'old manon', and swings his cane at foals running around his lawn hoping for a glimpse of the monkey creature.
>>27746389
BUENOOOO
>>27746626
Summer was supposed to be the end, but summer said 'fuk the haters' and now the GREENENING has begun.
>>27742382
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tw10xa_xtNg
>>27746699
Good stuff friendo. I liked how your sexism wasn't obnoxious.
>>27746699
Also, good lookin' M8. I was kinda' hoping you'd keep going with this one. Would examine horse-dong again.
>>27747433
Speaking of: how big is horse dong in these stories? I get that a horse's cock is big IRL, right? But ponies are like, 1/8 the size of a horse if you go by how the fandom writes them (as small as knee-height to as as tall as waist-height). It would be longer, sure, but not all of a horse's cock goes into the other horse I don't think
>>27746699
>>Glisten jumps awake and nearly falls off the porch, but you catch her, and the bleary-eyed mare clings to your chest
hhhhnggg
>>27747471
For simplicity's sake, let's just say that whatever your size is-that's the average.
>>27746699
>>But what are you going to do with all these mares?!
>complaining about it
>>27747572
I know, right?
>"Oh no! Unconditional love! How awful!"
>>27747674
Sometimes. It's nice to have a bit of peace and quiet.
>>27747715
>not wanting a big house filled with a half dozen mares and over a dozen of your combined children
Random minotits
I went out and found some new ones!
>>27747730
You mistake me for some degenerate scum, my friend. I would like that, but it would be nice to have little moments where I can just lay back and chill with my Waifu.
>>27747827
>tfw your tits are so bombtastic that they cut your phallic hammer in half>also dat pubic tuft
>>27747827
What would a steak loving anon reaction to a minotit hitting on home be?
>>27747830
*waifu's
>>27747841
And my last one
>>27747837
I think it's that she was attacked by something that only cuts non living material, that's why her clothes and hammer are cut.
So the light reflecting of anons diamond hard dong can cut through all that keeps him from touching the cow!
>>27747827
Unfortunately, minotits has a cow vagina.
>>27747854
>"Touch the cow."
>Anon's dick lights up, spitting neon-blue lightning bolts that decimate minowaifu's clothing.
>She's left cowering in intense arousal.
>"DO IT NOW."
>>27747855
I don't even know what those are like. Are they similar to horses?
>>27747855
I know so much of horse pussy but nothing of cow cunt. Teach me sempi
>>27747827
Damit!
Can someone edit this? I just noticed that you can see her vag
I got nothing to edit it with
>>27747730
Sounds really nice. Stressful, but rewarding.
>>27747827
Better than the anime shit.
>>27747878
Ha ha. Enjoy your vacation.
Ponies are like really big cats.
Right?
>>27747940
Well as long as I'm still here have a fexed version
Now it just looks like there are panties or something there
>>27748014
But the good news it I can now blur stuff. So all the really good art that I can't post can be fixed! Later, I need some sleep
>>27747878
Cameltoe doesn't count.
>>27748028
Good to know
Here have some blurred minotits
>>27748362
And last
>>27748352
>>27748362
source?
>>27748415
There are signatures right there.
>>27748433
Yeah, but I can't find the artist's page. Searching Nutcase brings up a lot of stuff, but no minotits.
Remember when Amephetanon used to post his story here?
>>27748568
That's nothing.
Remember when Amoeba used to post stores here?
Even older
Remember when Office Anon used to post stories here?
>>27748590
>ftw you're just a pony's OC.
>>27745942
>predator/prey fetish
I really love this fetishes but I have to admit that I am severely disappointed when I really think about it. How realistic is it? I can't see an irl woman getting turned on by Predator for example.
>>27748670
Horse psychology is seriously different from humans'. We have innate fears and reactions which some people seek to replicate through unnatural means (horror movies, 'extreme' sports, haunted houses, etc.) and find the primal reactions empowering or simply enjoyable. It's not too much of a reach to assume that a stronger response as with horses could be similarly applied if they somehow gained sentience.
some weird shit here: http://www.mustangheritagefoundation.org/media/pdf/Equine_Behavior.pdf
>>27748703
er... sapience? They're still sort of horses in this scenario. I don't know. i dun goofed.
>>27746699
Was fun.
>>27748714
Yes. Sapience.
A pony is sentient. It can only make simple judgement calls in their actions and have only a basic set of feelings.
The show pony is sapient. They do things based on intelligent reasoning. They can say "I love you" and really mean it. They can find true contentment in just being near you, and they can seek happiness from making you happy. They can appreciate pleasure for pleasure's sake.
>>27748590
Don't go making me all nostalgic anon. The depression is bad enough as is.
>tfw u will never know how Bella the gangster horse will take to Anon
>>27746166
Moar you mega fag
>>27748590
>tfw I still remember some writers
>Amoeba
>Office Anon
>Oblivious Anon
>durnk anun
Fuck, I was there when Amoeba started writefagging for us. Don't make me recall when RGRE startedbecause it holds a close part to me. ;_;
>>27748852
Damn man... I know what you mean. Back in the earlier threads, so many stories and ideas that died.
For what it's worth, i know Amoebas still Alive. He's writing something in /hhh/ and dropped green not too long ago.
He got a nasty cut on his finger apparently: >>27709195
>>27748878
Those idiots deserve to have their house burn down for leaving the candle unattended.
>>27748905
>Unattended
Wow, that's mean. You missed spurdo right next to it.
>>27748878
Kinda thought about writing green since I've lurked for such a long time yet I haven't contributed back to the general aside from shitty prompts I keep fucking up. I haven't had the time lately though. Sometime, I hope I get the chance to contribute back to RGRE.
>>27748670
>>27748703
Not only that, but humans (or 'provably sapient creatures' for the sake of explanation) have fantasies about domination/submission, and that's not mentioning how common it is for people to essentially be soft rape fetishists. The difference with pred/prey and sub/dom is that the former usually exists in fantasy were actual predators can end up in sexual situations with actual prey animals. The 'element of danger' aspect is similar to rape roleplay with robes/cuffs/etc. Your partner wouldn't hurt you, but they're in a position to take advantage of you. Similarly, Anon wouldn't eat a sentient pony, but he could do it safely, and might even enjoy the taste. To put it another way, think about vampires. I know recent media has made the 'v' word pretty much tabboo, but the sexual aspect of humanxvampire is pretty similar to pred/prey play.
Example, Mina Harker?
>>27746663
Oh my god, tsundere Chrysa-Bon is just the cutest thing.
>>27748958
She definitely doesn't need your company, but please don't leave her.
>>27748964
That fucker Nebulus was writing this really cute little thing with a tsundere, sweet shop owning Bonbon using Anon in her war against Ponkus. Then he dropped it because he's a double beta nigger faggot.
>>27745810
>end it
You mean continue, right?
So should I go through the effort of editing nsfw stuff for this thread? If you have any requests let me know
>>27748614
Fuck, I'd read that.
>Twilight is desperately lonely
>She believes in the multiverse theory
>Does her best to summon her OC horsebando/hustallion
>It works; she summons Anon
>Shenanigans
>>27748670
I just think it's an excuse to break out some dude's creepy domination fetish.
>>27749517
Lemme rephrase that. The domination fetish isn't creepy but the only time it's written, it's the most extreme examples. eg that one story ('au naturale' I think) where Anon treats sapient persons like animals (rules like "no talking ever", "poop outside like animals", etc) and the ponies love it. He even admits to the ponies ex-friends that he had to "punish" them like they were nothing more than dirty animals.
you're a cool guy ghouls, please don't go this route
>>27749548
Ponies are for loving.
>>27749548
Another example is Anonymous buying the CMC and training them to obey him. shit like strangling applebloom to the point where she nearly passes out, letting go of her neck, and making her say "master will never hurt me"
>>27749587
This.
>>27749587
I want to wear Rarity like an expensive furYes, like on Ace Ventura 2.
>"Hey, neat, Rarity, look! I didn't know there was a Monopoly pony!"
>"Anonymous, hush! That's Fancy Pants!"
>"Yo, dude! Scuse me, Mr. Pants?"
>"Thanks for the free parking." Anonymous whispers
