>fanfic starts with the weather
>>26980825
>fanfic starts with 10 paragraphs of exposition explaining how they already befriended the mane six and became integrated into society within a week
>>26980833
Even dubs can't redeem how much this fucks me off
>>26980825
>Fanfic
>>26980844
>fiction
>>26980848
>Writing
>>26980850
>Words
>>26980853
>letters and symbols
>fanfic starts with 'be anon'
EVERY TIME
>>26980856
I know really? Like just fucking go full visual audio with it and fuck off with your caveman scribbles. It's 2016 for god's sake, we're not in the dinosaur ages -12 billion years before Christ.
>>26980859
>reading shitty self insert greentexts
so do you just hatr yourself or what's up with that
>>26980863
i browse this board, of course i hate myself :^)
>>26980825
>fanfic starts with a description of the scenery, random anecdotes, or a narration of someone's though processes
>it's over five paragraphs long
>it's not relevant to the story at all, the author's just trying to set a mood
I know details can help make a story feel more alive, but learn to prioritize, people. It is in fact possible to set the scene and introduce something of significance at the same time.
>>26980825
Well, if it's a fix about a weather pegasus then it's justified.
>>26980833
This is annoying though. If it's about an alien in a civilisation struggling to adapt, start at the beginning. If it's about a human living his life in Equestria just skip it. We can infer it later on, you can weave exposition throughout.
"Oh you have a secret fetish? Well that's OK, I have the exact same secret fetish too. Let's do fetish things and explain them in excruciating detail. I sure am glad that nobody has a problem with this or finds it weird. One of my friends is even turning into a stammering moeblob and blushing, maybe she has the same secret fetish too?"
>winking gushing [copy-pasted horse words]
>aaah I came, OK I'm asleep now because the author came and pillow talk is difficult
>and they all lived happily ever after
>>26980879
That falls firmly under show don't tell. Watching a human try to make sense of Equestria is interesting. Hearing about it through secondhand accounts for half a chapter isn't.
"I didn't feel like this yesterday, but suddenly I feel like i want to make out with one of my friends, with the assumption that it's OK for anyone else to watch and that they could totally join in if they asked."
>>26980863
I got around this once by having the self-insert be another character. It was the absolute worst.
>>26980825
>fanfic is in first or second person
>>26980976
What's bad about first-person?
>>26980989
Not him but it basically just the author describing the position he is in and how he gets out of it. This is not a bad format if your a good writer, but if you're not it comes off way more force.
Second person is a strange format for anyone to use as a main set-up unless it around environments.
>Ponies describe the human main character as a big ape
>>26981024
Is there actually a problem with that, or have you just seen it one too many times and gotten tired of it?
>>26980885
>I'm asleep now because the author came and pillow talk is difficult
>pillow talk is difficult
>pillow talk
What the fuck is there to talk about? You bust a nut and are now laying in post-coital bliss. You might exchange an obligatory "I love you" or "That was amazing", but it's going to end up with "Oh, I need to go shopping tomorrow, can you mow the lawn?" or "Debbie is having another office party and wanted us to get the cake, so we need to wake up early."
Why would you want something that kills the mood this hard in greentext?
>just tons of empty dialogue
>feels like two characters are staring holes into each other while reading a script
>absolutely no interactions/emotions/etc.
>can't tell who the fuck is talking a quarter of the way in
>writer repeats the character's name every other word
>"Pinkie Pie went to town. Pinkie Pie liked how the balloons looked. It made Pinkie Pie happy. Pinkie Pie wonders why the fuck Pinkie Pie is being said so often."
>fanfic starts with the protagonist waking up
>protagonist looks in the mirror and describes what he sees in excruciating detail
>>26981092
Hey you forgot to PINKIEPIE!
>>26981047
It is a problem and it's an early indicator that the writer is a lazy fuck.
Humans look nothing like apes.
Sure their body structures are similar, but other than that apes and humans are alien to each other.
Comparing humans to apes is like comparing birds to dinosaurs, sure they are related to each other, but they have so many differences that it makes a bad analogy.
I rarely see any writer that actually makes ponies describe humans as if they saw a creature completely unknown to them.
A good description would be great because it would allows the reader to see from the ponies' point of view in a realistic way, but no, every single fucking writer describes humans as apes.
>>26981133
Please, don't call those peoples writers, they don't have any kind of talent to consider to become a writer.
>>26981133
I've never written about it, but I'd use
>a small, hornless minotaur
>like a pony on two legs, without hoofs (ponies are very human like)
>two times the size of a pony, no fur and no muzzle
>Fanfiction starting with breathing
>>26981155
I remember an old cringe worthy fic where while visiting anon they tried to break his legs because 'they were shaped wrong' or something like that.
>>26981061
its my fetish
>>26981133
One writter described it as wingless harpy.
Fasinating.
>>26981202
lol
lel
lyl
lwl
>>26981189
>Breath in
>Breath out
>>26980825
>drakeposting on /mlp/
>hie fic and they work at sweet apple acres
>hie fic and they appeared in the everfree
>spike is out of town
>using 20 adjectives and 30 nouns to describe genitals
>>26981627
Mirror issues:
>human main character appears because twilot fucked up a spell
>bonus points if it's in the treebrary
>using the word "factory" as any part of a term for anything under a tail
>>26981061
I've had perfectly intriguing pillow talk after sex that isn't about office parties or shit. What are you a virgin?
>>26981627
>>hie fic and they work at sweet apple acres
This one does grind my gears a bit. No the struggling farm does not have extra money, the tight knit family does not have room for you, and most and absolute certainly of all there is literally no physical labor your average obese NEET could possibly perform to "help"
>>26981662
What's wrong with crap factory
>>26981714
The anus does not manufacture the feces, it only regulates it's release. It would be more accurate to call it the turd extruder
>>26981133
But humans are obscenely releated to apes and birds are related to dinosaurs
>>26981766
Kill yourself
>>26980825
>fanfic/green starts with an exclamation.
>>26981819
Not that anon, but what he said is true.
Your faeces are stored in the rectum as a product of digestion. Your anus is the exit for it.
>>26980825
>fanfic starts
Every time.
![[muffled Mass Destruction in the distance].gif](https://i.imgur.com/CAD4kby.gif "[muffled Mass Destruction in the distance].gif")
>>26980825
>Fanfic starts
>Twilight acts like a Psionicist
>>26981832
To be fair this is a breath of fresh air for me, considering how many authors feel they HAVE to open a story with a descriptive narrative
>>26981627
>spike is out of town
Every time
I love how he's tossed out the window like a prop
Like you know author, he is more than horse sex disabler
Why is he out of town? What's he doing there?
Props to the author of a clopfic I read where Spike's disappearance was integral to the plot
>>26981989
>It's a HiE fic that actually has Spike in a major role
>It's just generic "bro time" that has him immediately beloved by him and seeing him as an older brother/father figure
>>26980825
>fanfic is a musical
>>26982065
>Spike has almost no guy friends
>some big guy is living with Spike now
>Spike acts like a little kid, so he's impressionable
WHAT A SHOCK
one of the few things stories do that make sense
>>26981092
it's the opposite of Lavender Unicorn Syndrome
>>26982113
Yeah after I wrote it I realized how it actually worksand it is one of the few self insert stories I enjoy, honestly
>It's a 40k Crossover
>>26981989
>forgetting that the show does this too
Spike has basically been written out of every season opener/finale except the two in the Crystal Empire
>>26982179
>spacemarines try to kill Twilight and any unicorn for using magic
>they completely freak out when they learn that Discord is the spirit of Chaos
>That one author who writes ultra-giga-vanilla clop into their story to scrape a T rating
>They think that delisting their fic from registered users to global will make more people read their story
>>26980856
>abstract concepts
>>26980863
>implying it's self insert
At this point I thought it was widely recognized that anon is just a goofy faceless human in a suit which happens to be the mascot of this board, and not an actual poster transported in equestria.
>>26982336
>Chaos Space Marines arrive in Equestria
>They kill Discord anyway
>>26982474
Anon is the reresentation of all the users, not just the ones on /mlp/.
>>26982463
>thoughts
>>26982524
>cognition
>>26982567
>grey matter
>>26982567
>existence
>>26982491
>killing Discord
>implying Chaos itself can't pull out a "it was a clone" or "teleports behind u" trick
>>26982509
Ah I see now
>>26982594
>non-existence
>>26982109
I've yet to see any musicals at all written by this fandom.
>>26982567
>>26982588
>>26982594
Now you just spell out the next higher Wikipedia parent-category.
>>26983331
We've done a few musical numbers like Anthropology and The Siren And The Seamare, but never a full musical.
>>26980825
>fanfic starts
>>26980825
>author forces some shit, magic world tier fetish
>>26981248
>humanposting on /mlp/
>>26980881
>Celestia is the bad authority figure providing background gonna-take-away-your-toys menace while Author the Insert does fetish things in absurd detail
every. time. it's like the 'no fuck you, mom' of this toilet of a fandom
>"Anon fucks waifu" story
>Anon is a average guy with no actual flaws or talents
>at least 2 of the mane 6 are major characters (extra points if they later become friends with him)
>after fucking his waifu story gets stretched into their relationship because writefag is a gigantic faggot
>becomes general
>multiple walls of text about anon and waifu going on dates
>drama happens
>after a while writefag just disappears and general autosages
>a few months later cocksucker fans make threads whining about their precious story being dropped
Everytime
>>26980833
>why isn't my garbage fan material about multicolor cartoon ponies which i skim through to get to the sex part not better quality?
>>26982159
It's way worse than that. At least the writer is being creative in your sense. With repeating the damn name every line it's like the writer keeps forgetting what they're writing and who it's about.
>>26985895
>in that fucking order
>>26981959
Yeah, same here. In fact I think an exclamation is one of my preferred ways to begin.
>Pinkie Pie throws a party for the main character right after they meet and also speaks super quickly with no spaces between her words
>>26982109
Dig deeper, you'll find them...
>>26990537
Meant for >>26983331
>>26982491
>implying chaos never fights internally
>implying chaos daemons dont kill chaos marines and vise versa
>implying chaos has to make sense
this better be bait
>>26980825
>Anon passes out after meeting the ponies
>it's a crossover fic
>kid can't stay away from DBZ or other anime
>>26980825
>Main character is a Marine.
>Fanfic about Anon and Lyra
>She wants his hands
Could you
NOT
DEFILE
MINTY HORSE?!
>>26991831
She's a carpet munching meme dyke, there's nothing to ruin.
>>26991831
>anything involving Lyra
>HANDS LEL
That meme got old so fucking quick.
>>26991814
SPACEMARINE!
>>26991831
I'm so fucking sick of Lyra, full stop. It's like the most basic, entry-level, 'you have absolutely no imagination whatsoever' pony thing.
>arrive in horseland
>live with other being absolutely obsessed with the one thing every single member of your species has two of
>~tension~ with her tsundere gf (because of course there's some hot lesbian-but-totally-DTF-if-you-want action there)
>resolved by dicking because of course it is
>live happily ever after
>when the fic starts by paraphrasing or outright ripping from the opening narration of a movie or game
>>26991968
>Friendship never changes lel.
That doesn't even make sense.
>>26991831
This. I'm getting real tired of people using Lyra as shipping fuel because they ran out of original ideas. They need someone to make erotic green text with so they go with the "LYRA LOVES HOOMANS BCUZ REASONS" trope. Like seriously fuck off, man
>>26991838
>>26991926
Also stop with the lesbian memes
>>26992033
OR else ?
>>26992082
Or else you'll fall down some stairs and you'll scrap your knee and it will hurt
>they say claw instead of finger
>Darling.>darling darling darling darling
>>26980825
>"It was a bright and sunny day"
>fanfiction features OCs
>AU setting
>writer treats it like the reader already knows what's going on
>>26981133
They write the ponies doing this because humans do it all the time.
>"This fuzzy little guy looks a bit like a bear. Let's call it a koala bear."
>"Holy shit, that little rat is barking at me. It's like some kind of prairie dog."
>"This red guy totally looks like one of those Chinese pandas. Let's call it a red panda."
>"Those things have huge horns. Just like buffalo out in Africa, right? Yeah, these are buffalo now."
Also humans are literally in the great ape family, so there's that.
>>26990540
I'm aware there are some few fanfics written with songs on them. But there are no fully staged musicals.
Or at least something like an audiobook.
>>26992033
>lesbian memes
>meme
>>26980825
>half of the story consists of characters discussing events from episodes of the show, apropos of nothing
>blatantly just mouthpieces for the author's headcanon
>>26992033
>hating lesbians
>not enjoying some lesbian loving
>muh degeneracy, muh headcannons
I never thought I would see the day.
Well, if somethingawful can be flanderized by the far left, 4chan can certainly be polluted by denizens of the far right.
>>26980825
>green is shit tier but faggots overwhelmingly suck the authors dick for more
>author is more inclined but doesn't know wtf hes doing
>stops writing
>bump
>bump
>bump
>saving this ebin thread
>mods delete but are equally autistic
>butthurt ensues
>actual writefags scared off
>...
>hypothetical
>>26994126
> 4chan
>not polluted and flanderized by the far left, right and middle
>>26980825
>OC is a self-insert with Dragon Ball Z tier magic power
>it's longer than an entire series of novels and still not finished
>>26991968
to be fair, that's kinda the point of a crossover.
>tfw Faggot13 story about a deranged cult leader Starlight Glimmer were killed since nobody bumps it
Why cant we have nice things or a change?
>>26994357
Or, better yet:
>OC is a self-insert who's only "ability" is sex
>no actual character whatsoever
>chooses a griffin to justify it being different enough
>>26980825
>lyra shows up
>she's obsessed with hands
>Flash shows up
>He's a one-dimensional dudebro douchebag straight out of an /r9k/ copypasta
>>26994864
>(Anon wants to fuck fuck fluttershy, but the writefag doesn't know how to make him compete with Discord
Speaking of copypasting meme canons without working on them. Maybe the writer just thinks Fluttercord is a stupid assumption.
>>26994959
It was an example
>>26987408
I once read a fic where 5% of an entire chapter was the phrase "off-white mare". The chapter was 10,000 words long. I wanted to die.
>>26995051
I've read worse. One where literally every line had to state what character was doing what. Change it up, people. Mix both, don't just stick to one. Comes off as lazy and like they don't know where they're taking their own story.
>Anon apparently has been working on Applejack's prideful, family-run farm
>No comment on how long it took to even learn how to farm or mention of any reluctance
>Only worked there for like a month before the story began
>Sculpted as fuck
>>26996384
Well, to be fair it's pretty easy to learn about farming if you're forced into the situation.
