TS: I can't really believe your story Anon, buildings with over a 100 levels? Flying boats bigger than Ponyville? And yet there's no magic in your world? Please.
>Growing tired of Twilight's berating, you go out into the world to prove her wrong.
That's the prompt that started it all. So what is thread about? It's about Anon bring human science and inventions to Equestria and a disbelieving Twilight.
Thread Story List.
http://pastebin.com/XKLNjAAx
previous thread: >>26897830
>>26906612
Hopefully this will stay up.
Summoning writefags
>>26906846
>summoning
Magic gtfo
>>26906846
*POMF*
>"I'VE BEEN SUMMONED!"
>will be posting soon
>>26906612
also, the OP image needs anon in a nice brown cardigan and plaid sportcoat
>>26907103
Obligitory pastebin : http://pastebin.com/KvQKUKGi
and now
We set off our next notable moment 2 weeks from last chapter
>your sitting in you new workshop, full of molding and conceptualizing equipment made for you, from blueprints you made.
>they work aight' you aren't a very good engineer, or scientist; but even the average humans back home know things that can revolutionize other places
>your explaining your thoughts to twilight now
"that’s the beauty of it, really; back home what was taught in school was considered 'useless knowledge' in real society, something that is only known for posterity, and to promote critical thinking-"
>twilight tries to make a connection, saying "so- its like, uh, like knowing how and why and when the apple falls from the tree… that doesn't relate to the fact that /the apple is falling from the tree…" the lightly says, not sure in herself
"precisely!" you say, qualifying her statement
>you have these talks all the time, mostly while your working on something new.
>now that you have all this swanky equipment for inventing, you can now start making shit
>your starting with something important and easy. Something all should have.
>a ball bering
>your placing these small rounds of *ehem* 'rail rock' in around crevice and placing it inside a fixed wagon axle. You are almost done with one wheel.
>things are quiet now, so you conclude that twilight has gone elsewhere
>she's pioneering a whole physics esque course on flying for pegasi.
>vey impressive.
>you place the wheel on the wagon axel and an hour later you've done the same with the other. And in a moment you lift a large wagon bed with a geared pulley system and successfully place the wagon on the wheels, and then you bolt them together with a metal ratchet and the lag nuts, you made both of those two days ago.
>now time to call twilight in.
>>26907552
"TWILIGHT! COME HERE PLEASE!" you shout down the crystal hallway
>a blast of cold air rushes into your shop
>is your furnace really that hot?
>huh, guess it is.
>anyway; you see twilight trotting down the hall, looking like she broke something
>"what? Whats wrong? What do you need?"
"eh, oh- just your attention, that’s all" you say nonchalantly
>you pause, before opening the door expectantly
"step into my office…" you say.
>"oh! Right!" she chirps, before walking into your shop
>"whew its hot in here-" she says before summoning a hand fan
>she's sweating now
>horses have sweat glands? Cool. Maybe you could make deodorant or something along the lines of that
"here, get under this cart" you point to the heavy set cart
>"i- uh- I'm certain I won't be able to pull that cart."
>she points at the full steel cart, supported by a steel and wood set of wheels, the cart itself is loaded with ingots.
>she's gotta know the abilities of ball berings though
"just; just try it, for a friend, please-" you say exasperated
>"*sigh* okay, anon- I will, but if I break my back it'll be you paying for the 20 unicorns having to combine themselves to fix it!" she says frustrated
>she gets under the cart, and you strap in for the show…
>she throws her all into it, and she starts literally galloping across your shop
>it’s a big shop.
>"woahoahoah!" she stampers out
>she's having a hard time stopping that much weight.
>'needs friction based brakes' you add on the list of additions
>after a bit of fucking around, she's able to stop the wagon with magic.
yeah they deleted all the roleplaying threads and some other stuff which this did not fall under but yeah
>>26907798
It's a good thing you showed up, I was worried that when I made the thread that none of the writers would notice and the thread would die a bit more permanently.
>>26908426
There is no death, only chaos.Seriously, the board is a clusterfuck at the moment.
>>26908426
I said i'd be back Monday, didn't I? I try to post atleast three slices of green a day. I don't post or write in bulk so you got atleast stability
>>26906612
how would twilight react if she ever finds out that anon used spike as a lab rat?.
Like putting him on a machine and see how many G he can withstand.
>>26908579
>There is no death, only chaos
As long as I'm standing, Chaos shall not prevail
>>26908845
>>26908845
We go no where until I see Cuntlight get punted to the crystal kingdom.
Well, I'll repost the last thing I wrote today.
>Applejack told you everything…
>”And that’s what happened sugarcube.”
“…”
>”Anon?”
>You can’t believe what you just heard.
>It’s impossible!
>To learn that Twilight just felt like using your vision to stalk you?!
>What kind of friend is she?!
>https://youtu.be/NFjE5A4UAJI
“AAAHHH! TWILIGHT! YOU MOTHERFUCKING PIECE OF SHIT COCKSUCKING CREEP!”
>Both Big Mac and Applejack let out gasps because of the language you used.
“You won’t get away with this you bitch!”
>”Sugarcube! Please calm down!”
>You ignore Applejack and make your way to the castle, running around at the speed of sound.
>Well, fast enough to compare yourself with Olympic athletes.
>Got a castle to go, and a cunt to kick!
>Applejack follows behind.
>”Anon! Don’t do anything you will regret later!”
“No can do Applejack. This time she went too far!”
>”Please sugarcube! You don’t understand! Violence solves nuthin’…”
>You keep ignoring Applejack and see the ugly castle in the distance.
>There she is!
>If she knows what’s good to her she will run…
>But seriously, you’re going to do unspeakable things to a powerful being.
>Perhaps…you should calm down and think through about what you’re going to do?
>You recall that ‘special alone time’ you were having in Applejack’s shower, and you also recall how your eyes hurt during that session.
>Nope, you can’t forgive her.
>She probably told Applejack what you were thinking at the moment. Applejack would never forgive you if Twilight opens her mouth.
>The thought of Twilight spying on you gives you nausea.
>>26909355
here he is>>26909375
>>26909375
>Your ‘so called friend’ did awful stuff to you, and now she’s gotta pay for that!
>As you approach the castle, you’re immediately blown away by the very same pink aura from three weeks ago.
>Seems Twilight didn't disable it.
“Oww…my beautiful body.”
>Applejack walks through the force field without any sort of struggle.
>You slam your fists agains the force field.
>”Oh sugarcube, I know you’re upset…” Applejack says in her motherly tone from the other side of the bubble, “but I’m sure Twilight had good reasons at first.”
“Yeah right…what kind of friend would spy on her friends?! I’m not a guinea pig Applejack!”
>Applejack sighs.
>”I know sugarcube, look. Twilight loves her studies so much and she gets too invested into them sometimes, she probably didn’t even think at some point that she was doing wrong.”
>You raise an eyebrow.
“Seriously Applejack? I’m pretty sure that creeping on me while I’m showering is not ethical at all! If I did it to any mare I’d probably be in jail.”
>Applejack squints.
>”So, just like you do when you give my haunches not-so-innocent looks?”
>Goddamnit! She knows!
“Uhh…”
>”Be glad that Bucky McGillycutty and Kicks McGee haven’t met your groin for now Anon. I’ll just go talk to Twilight…and we’ll talk about that small issue later okay?”
>Uh oh.
>”Now please, could you go back to Sweet Apple Acres? Forget this whole thing and try to calm down?”
>You grunt in an annoyed way.
“Applejack, what Twilight did was horrible! I'm not gonna let it slide just like that you know!”
>You spot a window that just closed.
"I know you're there Twilight! My eyes are MINE! DO YOU UNDERSTAND THAT?!"
>”Sugarcube, please. Ponies are watching you.”
>You grab a rock and throw it to the force field in blind rage.
>"You're just wasting your time sugarcube..."
"Twilight! Lower your shield! I just want to talk. Trust me; I won't hit you...hard!"
>Twilight increases her spell and blows you twelve yards away from her castle.
"OWW!"
>Applejack shakes her head.
>>26909398
Yeah but he's just reposting from the previous thread, Twilight hasn't yet been punished
>>26909538
>>”Be glad that Bucky McGillycutty and Kicks McGee haven’t met your groin for now Anon. I’ll just go talk to Twilight…and we’ll talk about that small issue later okay?”
It's kind of fucked up that she mentions this.
That's it for now. I'll continue Nova Rohan 1.0: http://pastebin.com/e2t7AygZ (169 pages long...shieeet.)
>Celestia thinks unicorns wouldn’t be able to get past her puzzles.
>She’s wrong.
>The other sections are unicorn/pegasi proof. But you know how to get past them.
>After all, it was you that helped her make these new secret chambers a long time ago.
>You rub your hooves and keep moving.
>Many hours later, back in Nova Rohan.
>”Well, what are your thoughts?” Anon asks in reference to the play you just saw a few minutes ago.
>”I loved it Nonny! It was actually great! That diamond dog knows how to act!” Pinkie Pie says.
>Anon chuckles.
>”Yeah, back when he was a pup the others bothered him because all he wanted to do was become an actor and not a digger.”
>”I still don’t get something Anon…”
>”What is it Spike?”
>”I was wondering what that Bane guy tried to say. Is it "a big guy for you" or "extremely painful for you"?”
>Anon chuckles.
>”The latter of course, although Alexei entoned it as big guy for you.”
>”Another question; who were Smee, Maimen, Doktor Pavelleer, Button-Lee and-“
>”The friends Spike…the friends Pavel got to bring.”
>”They weren’t his friends right?”
>Anon nods.
>>26910273
>”Well girls, I have to say goodbye for now. It’s getting late and I’m supposed to do something with Moondancer. Hope you enjoy the city! But before I go…”
>Anon takes golden cards out of his pocket and gives them to all of your friends.
>”What are those sugarcube?”
>”Those are V.I.P. passes for the luxurious hotel that is in the middle of the town. You can stay there all the time you want!”
>Your friends cheer.
>”I can have my very own room as well?! This is amazing!” Spike says, “thanks a lot Anon!”
>You look at the floor, feeling left out because didn’t give you a card.
>Anon lets out a chuckle.
>”What’s the matter Twi? Did you actually think I wouldn’t give you a card?”
“Huh?”
>Anon takes a platinum colored card out of his other pocket.
>”It’s the penthouse Twi. Enjoy it.”
“WHAAA-?! Are you serious?!”
>Anon nods.
“T-thank you Anon.”
>”Your stuff is already there, some pegasi flew to my house and took your things to your hotel rooms.”
“Really? When did that happen?”
>”While your friends were out sightseeing and when you were planning the wedding details with Moonie of course. You two were inside your tiny little world so I went to the hotel and asked for the guest of honor cards. I talked to some of the bellboys there and they went to get your stuff. That way poor Mac and Spike won’t have to carry your stuff all the way from the hotel.”
>They both let out relieved sighs.
>“By the way Twilight, there’s a hidden gift for you in the penthouse. I wonder if you are able to find it.”
>You stand up to give Anon a warm hug.
>”You’re welcome Twi…”
>>26909375
Thanks for the repost, since the last thread vanished before I could read it. I assume that was something to do with /mlp/'s latest and greatest happening?
>>26910291
Interesting to see you continuing the old story. Will keep tabs.
>>26906612
>"Anon, that shit's retarded. You can't build a tower that high without magic!"
"Fuck you, Twiggly Piggly! I can build THREE!"
>Anon proceeded on the long journey to prove Twilight wrong
>He took years hiring people, making blueprints, making the mechanisms required to make this project
>But he finally did it
>...66.7% complete. There wasn't enough funding for a 3rd tower.
>He finally proved his species' might without magic
>Twiggly gets jelly
>Twiggly tries to defeat Anon at his own game
>Twiggly tries making one of these silly "aeroplanes" that he keeps talking about
>follows Anon's details to a T
>Actually discovers that, holy shit, it actually works
>BESIDES THE POINT
>She gives Muffins the plane to fly into Anon
>Misses 100k percent, and hits the two towers
>Not only is Muffins dead, but Anon cannot be proven right
>HEADLINES: Skyscraper made Without Magic!
>Plane Crashes into Anon's Twin Towers!
>Princess Twiggly involved?
>Shit, the attacks merely brought attention to Anon's success!
>Also Twily is now registered as a terrorist
>>26910505
>>26910505
lol
>>26910505
Where were my sides when Neigh eleven happen
>>26910505
that was wonderful
>>26911061
I've always wondered where the picture of Cadance and Luna came from.
>>26910505
>he
>anon
...this is going to take some time to get used to..
>>26910505
Man what a great gre-
>Muffins
REEEEEEEEEEEEE
>>26911322
you'll never know evil laugh evil laugh
>>26910291
I'm so glad to see this get continued.
>>26911322
its from some animation where the cutie mark crusaders become kidnappers, or something like that
>>26911962
>>26911396
http://radiantrealm.deviantart.com/art/Princess-predicament-474173616
Found it.
>>26912476
God damn that guy has a blatant rape fetish
>expandingdong.jpg
>>26912796
I ain't complaining.
I need more from writefag_is_kill
pls
>>26913220
this
>>26913220
my loneliness requires this
>>26913220
this
I need my cyber-Spike fix.
>>26914339
>>26914339
To the concerned mod and or mod supporter
>>26914386
When did 4chan get so caual.....
>>26914637
When did mods not suck dick? I always wondered that myself. Best I can come up with is always.
>>26914647
yeah for as long as i've been on the site most of em did.
>>26914369
Can anyone tell me what it was?
>>26915136
>>26915442
Dicuss the show? When has there been anything to discuss about the show.
>>26916194
idk apparently there is a twlight clone now sounds so much alike.
uh i guess there is a baby godpone now also.
and luna and sunbut did a thing!
I have something. Was busy with /ptfg/ and easter, please don't hurt me.
heory of everything
>"Before, many scholars theorized that the universe consists of many magical layers, and we live simply on the top of them. Sort of like an onion. But only now have we been able to explore this further, and find many interesting properties of the individual sublayers."
>"The main layer we live on is simply the overlay for the space below. Layers below our one have been labeled from Alpha, the one directly below, to Delta, the one closest to the magical core, which is currently inaccessible by any means."
>"Thinking these layers have been used just recently with the extensive technological advances, would be foolish. Unicorn magical abilities, while not as strong, certainly affect the magical backdrop of the universe. Either by increasing the density of the layers, or by decreasing it, thus affecting the thaumic radiation that leaks through from the magical core, to the normal world. Many spells utilize this mechanic, but each spell is dependandant on the abilities of the caster."
>>26917259
Practical Usage
>"Alicorn magical abilities have the strength to pierce through the main space, and enter the subspace layers below. Though from all the avalible written material, we've concluded that the highest level casters have abilities to pierce only the Alpha layer and utilize that for travel. With the introduction of high power electrical supplies, and large concentrators and generators, vehicles have been able to go as far as the Delta layer, though these endeavours can be hardly classified as portable. The current state of the devices allow for travel over light speed relative to normal space for speeds measurable towards two C or twice the speed of light at Delta layers. It has been proposed that speed to ten times is theoretically possible, though there is no material currently avalible to survive the tidal forces present at such speeds. Now, with the broadened usage of space travel, this way of traveling long distances in a short time, labeled as "Subspace" by manufacturers of spacecraft, has become increasingly popular."
>>26917270
Layer explanation
>"Each subspatial layer has different compression rates and speeds, with each "pierce" to the lower layers requiring half the speed of the vehicle for travel. Such speed loss isn't present while resurfacing, though. It is advised to slow down as close to the speed limit as possible, before resurfacing completely. Below are present rates and explanations for each layer. The layers have been sorted by their compression rates, from Alpha being the lowest and Delta the highest. More on the compression rates below."
Alpha
>"Basic magic layer. Tidal forces are low, and so is the speed limit. The compression rate is one."
Beta
>"The layer directly below, it's easy transfer from Alpha, made it popular in travel. Compression rate is two."
Gamma
>"Military used layer, requires highly priced devices and technology to access. Allows high speeds with a relatively low trade-off in the way of danger and tidal forces. Compression rate is three."
Delta
>"The final compression layer currently mostly unutilized, mainly because the tidal forces are too strong, and materials able to withstand such pressures are extremely expensive. The compression rate is four, and as of this date the highest possible."
>>26917283
Compression Explained
>"Each layer, in addition to allowing higher speeds "compresses" space between point A and B, relative to the normal space. That means the deeper one goes, the less distance they have to travel to travel further. When put into equation it looks something like this.
S=V / L
>Where S is the distance needed to travel, made up of V, the distance between point A and B is divided by L, which is the compression rate of the layer. From this equation, it's obvious that the Alpha layer has no practical usage except for scientific research. Why is that is subject of future research."
Subspace layer structure
>"Thinking the layers are separate from our universe completely would be wrong. In fact, they affect one another in many ways. One cannot pierce the normal space whilst in the sphere of influence of a gravitational field. Many waves in the magical space are made from star explosions, pulsar rotations and many more influences. Magical sublayers leak energy onto normal space and allow for strong magic and spells. This way, scientists and engineers have been able to create sails from contained magical energies, that utilize these waves and allow immense saving of chemical fuel."
Verdict
>"This is interesting and all, but why don't we give this to the techies? They'll make something good with that knowledge. Requesting approval to send this document to the financial department for future bantering usage."
>>26917293
That's it.
Pastebin here
http://pastebin.com/27E9au9Z
It includes even the last delivery. If i could HTML in pastebin, I'd make sure they'd stand apart.
currently, there are just paragraphs.
>>26917302
If you have any Questionbs related to my logic, be sure to question. I'll happily write them out into short stories/greenanswers
>>26917349
Goddamn do you go in depth with your theories on how magic works. How do you do it?
>>26917566
I legitemately have no fucking clue. Read a LOT of Sci-Fi novels and seen a lot of movies, imagination is key.
>>26917259
>magical layers
>like an onion
>>26918227
Someone noticed! That feels great. Mostly unintended, but it serves it's description purpose.
>>26908579
>that look of palpable disgust when she says "europe"
>>26919690
I miss PeteQ's science Rainbow Dash story.
>>26920894
>science
>Rainbow Dash
Pick one.
>>26907798
>>26920946
I'd choose science over topcunt any day.
>in a moment you clear out your thoughts.
"well, how is it?" you say, thrusting your arms out to your sides and walking forward looking towards the ceiling.
>gotta be flashy, that’s paramount to this whole operation
>she looks stunned at what you did. She flashes out of the wagon and teleports in your face
>she excidedly spouts "DID YOU MAKE THIS 'ENGINE' YOU'VE BEEN TALKING ABOUT? THIS IS-"
>you stop her
"nope. Is all in an invention called a 'Ball Bering," it rolls like a bunch of smaller wheels inside the larger wheels- slowing friction." you coolly say in your professor-anon voice.
>she's stunned as you pick up the spheres on your table and show them to twilight
"see… That’s all you need to make a 6 colt job a 1 colt job" you smirk
>"can I tell applejack? I think she'd be happy that a cart that pulls this well exists now." she says
"well, I don't see why not. But she can't have one ye-"
>"why?" she interupts
"well, safety, twilight- you have to be concerned for the operators" you lean in
You continue " a job can't be done properly when everyone's in the hospital, now can it?"
>"yeah, I guess your right. How are you going to do that?" she questions
"that’s easy! Just copy more human inventions!" you say with a chuckle.
>"o-oh, okay; that’s reasonable." she pauses for a moment "Really; thanks anon… for. For all of this- I mean-" you cut her off
"woah, its fine. Its what humans do. Rely on each other's spoils to make their own- I mean. I would be /bored/ otherwise, and what fun is that? I mean, that would be the day when I become bored!" you say.
>10 weeks ago you were bored as hell
>lets push that to the back of your mind.
>you really don't want to make any brakes right now.
>lets go for a walk. Maybe you can find that infamous "inventor colt" with the time glass cuitemark.
>hey, maybe he's made some stupid shit like dehydrated water or flameless fireworks
>kek
>>26921028
>you stop her
>you really
>you continue
roleplaying, get trashed
>>26921087
not sure if protest or not.
whatever. ban the green; but that's about as effective as outlawing crime.
>>26921087
Hey newfag are you even aware of how greentext stories are formatted here?
>>26921087
>>26921128
>>26921133
>>26921144
thank scruffer for this new meme.
>>26921159
living the meme, senpai
>>26921159
i'd run that up to [r9k] re[s4s]es before declaring something as drastic as a new meme.
>>26921196
>anons will go out of their way to find "you" in green
KEK!
>>26921028
>10 minutes later
>you got an icecream cone and you think you didn't catch the pink on the way to this bench
>pinkie's good company and all. But you just want to chill.
>and you've never been able to just 'chill' with others around.
>like an introvert I suppose
>and god damn is this icecream magical
>you finish your ice cream and head out to a chill spot on a hill to drink what you assume is magically flavored enhanced water
"don’t ask me, I just work here" you say before going bottoms up on this little glass of water
>noice. Tastes a little like mountain dew and punch put together
"not Bad" you say
>in a moment you get up, and bring the *ahem* magical water back to sugarcube corner
>now, to find that stallion
>actually; I'm gonna go to see what pon3's on about
Gonna fastforward. Unless you wanna see an anon - Pon3 subplot be explored. Not on the agenda. But its whatever
>>26921266
Do whatever you feel works, I'll be reading anyway.
>>26921087
Dawww he thinks he's people!
>>26921087
Second person is generally the convention for greentext stories.
>>26910505
>>26922517
Reminds me of that prison herd story Mythd wrote
>>26922740
That ended with Anon becoming Captain Planet.
>>26923206
Didn't mind the story of the ending, just wish it wasn't so rushed.
If you thought Mythd was going to stop being ridiculous and nonsensical at the very end of the story, you've stuck your dick in one too many toasters.
>>26922740
>>26923249
>>26923206
That sounds like a trainwreck... you got a link?
>>26923782
http://pastebin.com/u/Mythd
>>26923206
>That ended with Anon becoming Captain Planet.
>>26923206
>That ended with Anon becoming Captain Planet.
>>26923206
sounds glorious
>>26923782
>>26923820
>>26923843
>>26923889
from this link >>26923797
is the story called
Anon's prison herd
& Anon's Prison Herd Continued (Ending is rushed)if you only care about the ending, its on the second part
It was glorious
>>26923964
hey eyecancer, you got any plans to continue your CYOA?
Would anyone be interested in a star wars crossover with this premise? It wouldn't be too heavy of a crosspver, just some minor things like Anon making droids or something.
>>26925349
A robot maker anpn souns cool, i'd be done for that.
>>26924065
Yes but I'm lazy. Also the update is shit. We don't like shit
>>26925934
ponk is way too small in that picture.
>>26926371
Yes but still so huggable.
>>26925990
Well hopefully it gets to state of not being shit.
>>26927410
Hopefully it does
Okay, going to start my SW crossover. Keep in mind that this is my first green, be gentle
>You're Anonymous
>And it's been a year since the day it happened
>The day everything you stood for was stamped out like a burning cigar
>You remember it as clear as yesterday
>Everyone in your cruiser panicked when they heard the Separatist Council was murdered on Mustafar
>You managed to get away in one of the sheathipedes with your personal battle droid escort before the Empire arrived
>That didn't make much of a difference, as before you arrived to this system, your engines were damaged by pursuing fighters, whom since have left you for dead
>At the time you didn't know much about this place, other than the fact that there was supposedly a separatist factory located here
>When your ship landed, or, to say, crashed, there were no survivors
>Well none that were battle droids
>You were going to miss B-3R
>Maybe you could go back for him when you find that factory
>The rest is but a blurry mess in your head, and is no longer important
(Insert long edgy backstory of your life in horseland, might do later)
>>26928754
>What's important is that this purple little shit of a horse is calling you out
>She claims that technology such as spacecraft and simple speeders are impossible to make without 'magic'
>"I can't really believe your story Anon, buildings with over a 100 levels? Flying boats bigger than Ponyville? And yet there's no magic where you come from? Please."
"If you think I'm lying, I can assure you, there is no magic where I'm from. Before you summoned me I worked with a large organization dedicated to making these things you call myths
>Oh, and the ponies think they summoned you on your arrival
>Apparently, when you crashed here in a nearby forest, the pony before you, Twilight Sparkle, defeated some giant goat thing in a fight
>At least they don't have to know about the crater in the forest lying in which is your destroyed sheathipede
>Twilight snickers
>"You know, you've told me the same story a million times, about the 'See eye ess' and their technological advances. What makes you think I'll believe you this time?"
>Now's your chance
"If you aren't going to believe me, I might as well just walk out of this damn castle and prove it to you myself!"
>Before she can say anything, you turn around and start walking
>"Do you really think you can actually do anything out there? Without any help? Fine! I'll be here waiting when you come back to grovel at my hooves about how I was right, and that you were wrong all along!"
>You ignore her, and as you exit the castle you can hear the door slam shut behind you
>She was right, to a degree
>You'd need help
Opinions? Should I continue?
>>26928754
It barely started and its already shit ^:)jk, go on
Also pone will be the npc's or the bosses? i ve been thinking what if they were the bosses, but knowing /mlp/ no one would want to read about anon hurting their precious ponewaifus
>>26928848
i like it so far.
openly i will say i think the opening of "twilight says it's impossible so i'm leaving" is stupid at this point like you don't have to do it.
also if you are doing SW and saying he has the remains of a ship then he should be able to not start off at steam power like other stories and shits.
i mean literal space magic lvl tech and all.
>>26928889
2nd part is wrong thread, fug...thought i had posted here
good thing i didnt waste quads at least
>>26928894
Yeah, that was sort of what I was thinking. I was going to have him take a train to Canterlot or Manehattan or something and do some things before heading back to the everfree, and starting there.No, I'm not going to do the generic 'building muh base in the everfree', although the forest will play a part in the story. Expect an update soon
>>26928939
I'm fine with bases it makes sense for him to let's say build something close to the wreck because fuck hauling heavy shit around or horses asking questions.
also i'm a lil of a sw nerd and i'm just gonna say the seps were not all bad guys they just got used the trade federation was slighty evil in a imperil sense but compared to allot of the other starwars semi empires they were pretty passive aggressive nothing like any of the human based empires.
>>26928998
Yeah, I honestly like the separatists loads more than any of the other factions. They had the same motives as the rebels, if you think about it. If they weren't played like a fiddle they would've won the war.
But about the base thing, a lot of stories I've read with a similar premise to these, the protagonist always builds their base in the damn everfree. Annoying after a while.
>>26929036
Oh yeah i totally agree with the comparison of seps to the rebels in a way they were more pure than the rebels the rebels canon wise just wanted to reboot the old republic which was not to far off from the remnant empire or empire in general also they pretty much funded there whole movement from allowing drugs and slaves to sold on the outer rim basically.
the empire technically at least enforced laws.
>>26928754
>You're
Well shit, now you're on scruffy's hit list
>>26929742
>you're
oh shit now you are too!
>>26906612
>The sun isn't large enough to sustain Equus in an orbit in the Goldilocks Zone.
>Celestia and Luna increase the density of the sun and the moon to counterbalance each other and keep the orbit stable, and keep the planet habitable
>>26929840
>Pokemans
Okay
>Fat
See yourself to a mental hospital.
>>26929840
Have a nice vacation
>>26929819
>you're
YOU TOO!
>>26930035
I guess you'r-we're fucked now, aren't we?
>>26930060
ABANDON THREAD
>>26930201
you forgot your picture there freindo.
>>26929742
>>26929819
>>26930035
>>26930060
>>26930201
>>26930425
EVACUATE IMMEDIATELY.
>>26930490
I should do a slice without the word "your" or any of it's conjugations just for scruffy
>>26930507
will start green at 6
>>26928848
>If you were going to let anyone in on your plans it'd have to be someone you trust
>An old friend, whom you met sometime after you first arrived
>But before that happens, you'll need to eat
>Getting your ass kicked out of the castle before breakfast may have not been the smartest idea
>Come to think of it, all of your bits are in that castle
>damnit.jpg
>You're not unfamiliar with exploiting peop- er.. ponies habits
>Maybe Rarity would lend you some bits for a meal and a train ticket...
>You'd be sure to pay her back though
>Probably
>You are Rarity
>And you have been working your tail off on this project
>A ruby encrusted dress fit for a queen
>Well, more like a rich entrepreneur
>Only problem? You're out of rubies
>Ouch
>You hear somepony enter the boutique
"Come in!"
>To your surprise it's Anonymous
>You haven't seen him here in months
>Maybe it's important?
>"Hello, Rarity. Can I talk for a minute?"
"Sure, darling! What do you need?"
>"It's Twilight. She's kicked me out of the castle because she doesn't believe that the technology of where I came from is possible, at least without magic."
"Wait, what? You're kidding, yes? Twilight isn't somepony I know that would do such a thing."
>"Believe me, you'd know if I was lying. The reason I came here today is because I need some help, Rarity. If you can lend me some bits for a meal, and a train ticket to Canterlot, I'd be in your debt."
"Hmm... while I understand the situation you're in at the moment may be rough, what happened to your bits? Surely you weren't living off of Twilight completely?"
>"No, not at all, I just wasn't able to get them before I left."
>>26931075
"Well, I can see you certainly need the bits, I'll only lend you them if you can do me a favor. You see, I'm working on a dress for a client, and it requires an absurd amount of rubies. My stocks are low at the moment, so if you could take these bits with you as well, and grab me a crate of rubies while you are in Canterlot, I will lend you the 150 bits you'll need for the ticket and meal. Consider the favor your repayment."
>"I appreciate it Rarity, although you don't ask for such, expect a form of.. repayment.. in the upcoming months."
"Anytime Anon, do stop by more often!"
>Anonymous leaves the store with the bits
>You're Anonymous
>And you are on your way to see your old friend, Trixie.
>When you first met, you could say she was just as bad as Twilight, on the whole magic matter.
>Ever since you've helped her get back on her fee- hooves, and move into an apartment in Canterlot though, you were able to convince her that the wonders of your past life were in fact, true.
>Besides, she'd probably be amused with your fiasco with purple magic
>Trixie aside, you decide to start thinking of what you'll do once you get situated
>Obviously you'd head back to the old shipwreck in the Everfree, but after that?
>Maybe some of that old tech is still usable. Getting at least some of the systems back online could make a big difference
>If you could get one of the scanners back online, you could possibly find the location of that old factory
>Hell, if that happens, you could practically start a war with Equestria if you wanted to
>Not to get rash, though.That would only be a last resort
>Before you could think of something else, the train screeches to a halt
>The familiar scent of bakeries and the sound of busy streets fills your nose and ears
>Time to find that horse
That's all for now
More soon
Also, pastebin here:
http://pastebin.com/i5yNCzPK
>>26931246
Planning to use Trixie? I was not expecting that. I would love to see her reaction to star wars hologram.
Does my story seem decently paced so far? I know it's my first green but it kinda feels like I rushed the hell out of this. After starting to read the sepnon fic on the sw general I can really see where his stands higher than mine. Suggestions for improvement?
>>26921266
Whoop! never mind, I've still got a giblet planned for this bit. So bare with me; we're gonna fast forward a bit of the day. Skipping pon3 interactions. Lets just assume they met, had some milk, and he got a stereo system an a shit ton of electronica, for science; of course.
>one afternoon later
>your in twilights castle drinking a large jug of magical water
>its silent, as twilight is sitting across from you writing her pegasus manual
>rainbow dash is next to her, and occasionally she will turn to rainbow dash and ask for her input on the problem
>"is this an issue?" she would say before giving the book to rainbow dash
>rainbow'd respond with either a "biiig issue, good thinking twilight!" or a "I've never had that issue before- probably not needed
>and you'd just sit there, enjoying your gogo juice
>great, more addicting magical substance,
>it’s the great Dark Souls summer D of 2012 all over again
>irrational fear of great-clubs, is that a thing?
>after a while they get done with their chapter and look up at you, trying to get your attention
>looks important, better check in with reality
"yeah?" you say quickly
>twilight concisley replies with "tell me about cars- why do they go so fast?"
>one would banepost at something so easy
>but you are no faggot
>okay your quite the faggot
"that doesn't matter, what matters is our plan"
>"what?" she quickly replies
"just a little ritual back in the human world."
>twilight leans in "do tell!" she continues "I love hearing about the human world!"
"oh, its nothing" you say "if someone words their sentence a particular way, its normal for a certain culture to structure their reply in a particular way. Nothing important"
>>26931957
Maybe have stuff happen during conversation.Communication is not just the words you say but what you do while you say it.As it is the characters might as well be standing on a void doing nothing but stare at each other while they read off their lines. This was more of a problem during the Rarity conversation than in the Twilight one.
Also before you switch povs maybe ask yourself "What does seeing an event from this person's perspective add or enable me to do to the story?" and "Can I convey this information through other means?". For example during the Rarity pov section, we learned from her thoughts; that she's working hard on an expensive dress; this dress requires more rubies than she has; she has not seen Anon in months; because she hasn't seen him in months she assumes it must be. In the conversation she again mentions the dress and the rubies, so effectively the only information presented to us exclusively through her thoughts were; that she's working hard; hasn't seen Anon in months; she assumes he's here for important reasons. If you had kept to an Anon pov during this scene you could have still presented this information.
Let's go through a quick walkthrough if how you could have presented this scene through Anon's pov
>walk through door, bell rings
>Rarity calls out she's in her workroom
>Anon enters workroom
>work room is a mess
>discarded design sketches everywhere
>rolls of cloth scattered every which way
>Rarity hair is a bit messy while she's focused on an incompleted ruby encrusted dress
(Do this to communicate that's really working hard on this dress)
>Anon says hello
>Rarity perks up, immediately stops working and says in a surprised tone of voice that wasn't expecting him and that it's been months
>maybe Anon's surprised or maybe not at the revelation
>Conversation
>during the talk she's noticeably not working and focused on Anon because she views the conversation as more important than the dress.
>end scene
So why a Rarity pov?
Page 9
ts lieg yur nt ebin treing|?
>>26933426
wat
>>26906612
Anon reminds me of Maxwell from Don't Starve in the image
>>26928848
Find dat factory
>>26932829
Thanks for the suggestion, I'll definitely put more thought and time into the story when I update it.
Also I did a Rarity pov b/c I didn't want the whole story being told through Anon's pov, and that was just an idea I had on doing that. If anything later I'll rewrite that section.
>>26934334
By the power of the unknown anons, I'm trying to summon a crossover of this!
>>26935407
By summon do you mean you're thinking of writing one?
>>26935395
Just try not to get too focused on rewrites. It's not uncommon for for writers to lose interest rewriting parts they already told.
>>26936873
yeah honestly it's green text not fimfiction if you make a mistake just roll with it and you can always fix it in the pastebin at the end if you want but continuous progress is better than re-writing a old chapter for honestly rather weak reasons.
God the shitposting is getting intense. It's already page 9
>>26936920
>>26936873
I get what you mean, thanks anon(s)
Next dump in an hour or two maybe
>>26938416
Forgot >name
>Thread 20.1
Board's been busy I take it.
>You are Anonymous.
>You are amused.
>The black horse wants to meet with you face to face.
>Something about brokering a peace treaty.
>Her approach to you changed rather rapidly during your talk earlier on.
>Which is strange.
>You’re not a diplomat.
>The constant lies and uncertainty of diplomacy has always been a turnoff for you.
>The posturing and disingenuous bartering...
>You deal with facts. With certainty.
>You weren’t about to put on a fake smile and pretend to be their friend.
>And so you gave her the truth.
>The brutal, honest truth.
>You told her that there was NOTHING they could do to threaten you, that you were in total control.
>You told her that it was well within your power to crush them with barely a thought.
>You said that the only reason they still live is because of your mercy.
>Your expectation was they’d leave you alone, too intimidated to ever bother you again.
>And if you ever needed anything from the horses, they’d be eager to give it to you. Anything to keep you happy.
>To your surprise, that’s when she started warming up to you.
>At least, that’s what it seemed.
>She could be playing at something.
>Something regarding her request to meet in in person.
>You fail to see the importance of a personal meeting.
>Perhaps it’s a horse thing.
>But you’re going out on a limb and assuming it’s a trap.
>She asked you to come to neutral territory, unarmed.
>A reasonable request.
>You’re the dangerous one here, after all.
>But you don’t intend to abide by her wishes.
>As you’ve confirmed before, you’re fully capable of piloting your armor remotely.
>And it has inbuilt weapons systems.
>You’ll neither be present, nor unarmed.
>Unless she’s trying to fuck with you, she’ll never even know.
>Now. How to make a sufficiently flashy entrance?
>You look around yourself.
>>26938593
>Your space elevator is still building.
>A steady stream of locust bots climbs the structure, heading toward the heavens.
>Locusts...
>You are Luna.
>You are terrified.
>But you must steel yourself.
>The reasoning behind what the a- visitor said is sound.
>It’s proven its lack of ill intent with lack of ill action.
>No other explanation makes sense.
>You are not strong enough to oppose it.
>You KNOW this for a fact.
>You just don’t feel it.
>Your every instinct cries for you to flee!
>But you refuse to be driven by instinct.
>You are not a beast.
>You are a pony!
>Capable of overruling such base things as instinct.
>Capable of reason.
>And reason tells you there is much to be gained.
>You are not confident that you can convince this creature to help you.
>There is nothing you can offer it.
>You dare not try to threaten it.
>You’ve neither carrot nor stick.
>This is not trade.
>It is not diplomacy.
>It is not negotiation.
>You’re familiar with those.
>No, what you seek is charity.
>This is nothing new to you.
>It’s happened many times before.
>But you still detest the feeling.
>And so, you now prepare yourself to meet it.
>You don your cloak and march down from the camp.
>Ponies clamour around, begging you to stop.
>You press onward, pushing through the dismayingly small crowd.
>All but a few of them are too cowardly to leave the encampment.
>The rest reluctantly stand down at your command, obeying far too slowly for your liking.
>You’re unsure if their disobedience is a sign of apathy or devotion.
>You don’t care.
>Any ponies who’ve remained with you through this entire ordeal, you’ll gladly consider loyal.
>The statue still laying on its side providing a constant reminder of their indomitable foe.
>The ever encroaching metal walls a constant reminder of the inevitability of defeat.
>The spire that rises higher than the tallest mount a constant reminder of the limitless might they face.
>>26938600
>Prince Armor warned you of the morale problem time and again.
>You didn’t listen closely enough.
>The entire force was shaken when you and your sister fell in the first battle.
>The constant state of high alert and persistent failure to secure a meaningful victory sewed unease and despair through the ranks.
>Sending Pinkie away only made matters worse.
>Then when you were forced to retreat, everything started to fall apart.
>Constant mutterings of sorrow and terror filled the ranks.
>Equestria had thrown its best at the foe.
>And they were being mocked for the effort.
>You weren’t there when Shining Armor left.
>Nor was your sister.
>The entirety of the operation was foist upon Twilight.
>Then you called her away.
>The soldiers had no symbol to look up to, no alicorn to guide and inspire them.
>All they had left was themselves, and the constant threat of annihilation from an enemy they couldn’t begin to comprehend.
>It’s little surprise you had so many deserters.
>Between yourself and your sister, you’d brought four legions, TWENTY THOUSAND ponies in all.
>You’re under a hundred now.
>You recognise many of them as your elites.
>The Lunar Lance, seven Earth ponies who have distinguished themselves in armed and unarmed combat.
>Soldiers who you can trust for solo missions in the most hazardous of situations.
>Unless they involve ape cannons.
>The Dark Council, six Unicorns with an affinity for ritual magics.
>Sorcerers who can tamper with the fabric of reality to suit your purposes as they come, be it intelligence gathering, defensive shielding, or illusion work.
>Unless they oppose a being that can see the invisible, pierce any shield with ease, and cares not if it’s being watched.
>And no Shadowbolts.
>You recognise only a few of the remaining soldiers as your own.
>You suspect that a great deal of the other’s are your sister’s elite.
>The rank and file have left.
>Not that it matters right now.
>>26938606
>Not that it matters right now.
>Twenty thousand ponies couldn’t oppose this being now.
>Twenty billion wouldn’t stand a chance.
>You reach the designated point after only an hour of walking.
>The halfway point between your encampment and the ape’s outermost wall.
>There’s no sign of the creature.
>Not yet anyway.
>It said you were to come at your convenience, that it would meet you upon arrival.
>That it would know when you’d arrived.
>Within a minute, you see one of the massive steel walls sink into the ground.
>There it is.
>Wearing the impossible armor Twilight described.
>Standing still yet moving toward you at great speeds.
>The ground beneath it writhes and surges, moving the stationary being towards you.
>It arrives within moments, the very earth that brought it forming into a dark grey throne.
>It sits down upon the chair that only a second ago wasn’t there, without even looking to see where it was or if it had formed properly.
>The strange greyish material that covers the ground continues to move forward, collecting behind you.
>An appendage grows out of the being’s chair and grips one of the now familiar rectangles from behind the creature’s back.
>The limb stretches toward you, growing unbelievably thin as it does.
>You grip the device and read.
>”Please, sit.”
>You look behind yourself and much to your surprise, a throne has been erected for you.
>Not just any throne.
>YOUR throne.
>Sure, some of the details are a bit off.
>And the colour is all wrong.
>But it’s still your throne.
>You rest upon the warm surface, and are mildly surprised to find that it moulds itself to your body.
>When you push against it, it is unyielding.
>But when you sink into it it supports your body evenly, proving comfortable despite the firmness of the material.
>”If we are to communicate in an official manner such as this, it is only fitting that you do so from a seat of authority.”
>>26938615
“How d-”
>You stop talking and write.
“How did you know what it looked like?”
>”Picture books.”
>You can’t tell if it’s being sincere or not.
>The text conveys no emotion.
>The creature sits unmoving, chin resting upon closed claws.
>Lying back in the chair, showing no signs of tension or unease.
“I thank you for your honest approach to diplomacy. Most beings with whom I’ve had to deal choose the most roundabout way of speaking possible. I can think of none who would have proven their point as you did.”
>To choose properly, one must have good information.
>Every flaw or gap in knowledge leaves room for error.
>This is why you founded the Shadowbolts.
>To get good information with no convenient omissions.
>They found more uses over the years.
>Sabotage, reconnaissance, subterfuge, and in a few cases assassination.
>But their core purpose never changed.
>Espionage has served you where diplomacy has failed countless times in the past.
>But in this one instance, there was no need.
>The being you are speaking to was honest and blunt.
>It gave you enough information to be absolutely certain of the best course of action.
>Despite your many misgivings, you are thankful for that.
>”I’m not a diplomat, I’m an engineer. I don’t mince words, it’s a waste of time.”
>An engineer.
>Not a soldier.
>You’d heard mention of that from Spike.
>You doubted it then, and you doubt it now.
>On the other hoof, this creature has been far more honest in its dealings than any other foreign entity you can think of.
>Perhaps if you were to-
>No.
>It has shown you the courtesy of honesty.
>You shall do the same.
>You shall speak plainly and in a straightforward manner.
“I had assumed you to be a soldier.”
>”Soldiers are obsolete.”
>Not the answer you expected.
>You’re not entirely certain you understand.
>>26938619
“How could a soldier ever be obsolete?”
>”Our bodies are slow. Fragile. Weak. We are ill suited to nearly all environments throughout the cosmos. Our senses are dull and our hearts fearful. Our lives are precious and irreplaceable. We are ill suited to be soldiers. Our machines are quick. Durable. Strong. They can function nearly anywhere in the cosmos. They can sense things you’ve no words for, and they have absolutely no regard for personal safety. These machines are cheap and expendable. They are far superior. We’ve no use for soldiers.”
>Visions of a previously unimaginable future fill your mind.
>One where war has lost the gravity it now holds.
>Where nations could clash without a single soul being sent to fight and die.
>A time when Equestria’s last soldier ever would pick up their arms for one last ceremony before the idea of a warrior faded into history.
“I’ve been told you are not of this world. Is this true?”
>”Yes.”
>Spike had partially convinced you.
>It explains so much.
>And you’re familiar enough with the cosmos to know that there are plenty of rocks out there if you reach far enough.
>And while you don’t know how big the cosmos is, you know it’s beyond comprehension.
>It isn’t that great of a stretch of the imagination that there might be a large enough one somewhere to count as a world.
>You still hold some reservations.
>But you’re willing to entertain the idea.
>”Where did your horn go?”
“How did you know? I’m wearing a cloak!”
>”There is no protuberance on the hood of the cloak.”
>You’re amazed you didn’t think of that.
>You’re amazed that nopony else has.
>But what if they have, and they simply didn’t wish to say anything?
>What if-
>”If you’ve come seeking medical aid in that regard, I’m unlikely to be able to help you. I could make a prosthetic but I doubt it would function for magic.”
“There’s no need for that. It shall grow back in time.”
>>26938628
>”You’ve not answered the question. Where did your horn go?”
>You prepare to lie on instinct.
>The words are on the tip of your tongue in an instant.
>The being is largely unfamiliar with you, you could say any ridiculous thing and it would likely be accepted at face value.
>But you’re not doing that.
>Blunt honesty is to be the approach.
>You dare not be caught in a lie.
“I cut it off. I found myself in a position where I could not trust myself to be responsible with magic, and so I made certain that I couldn’t abuse it.”
>”Did you not have any less extreme measures?”
“No. There are spells to inhibit an individual’s access to magic, but they take time to perform. I could easily slip out during the process were I not properly imprisoned. This way I can keep some degree of freedom.”
>”You’d rather cut off a part of your own body, doubtlessly an agonizing process, to keep your freedom? That’s pretty metal!”
>The being has changes its posture.
>It now sits erect, head pushed slightly toward you.
“Metal?”
>”Sorry, idiom. Doesn’t translate. I’m saying I respect that greatly.”
>You’ve earned the creature’s respect!
>You’re not used to EARNING respect.
>Being an alicorn, it’s usually granted.
>In fact, it hadn’t occurred to you until just now that this being might not respect you.
>You simply assume it at this point.
>Like is rare.
>Respect is common.
“I value my freedom greatly.”
>After having lost it, how could you not?
“I’d pay a much higher price to maintain it.”
>”Then why did you come here? Were you not afraid that I’d keep you as a hostage?”
“No. You’ve nothing to gain from taking hostages. I came here to offer my surrender and beg your assistance.”
>The being has returned to a very relaxed pose.
>You can’t read this thing at all.
>>26938635
“I can make no promise that none others shall harm you. I only command a quarter of Equestria’s forces, and have no control over individuals or other nations. My forces will be withdrawn. In exchange I ask a few things.”
>”No. This is not an exchange of any sort. You shall withdraw your forces with no expectation of any compensation. I shall hear your plea, but know that I’m under no obligation to provide anything.”
>It’s right.
>You know it’s right.
>You knew before you even came here.
>Blunt honesty.
>Your overwhelming experience with diplomacy keeps calling on you to take a different approach.
>You must constantly remind yourself to use this one.
“Right you are. We shall withdraw. I beg of you to assist us, knowing full well that you’ve no reason to do so. Your occupation of our lands has displaced countless ponies. We’ve been sheltering the refugees in our capitol, but they’ve nowhere to go. Their homes are deep within your walls, their livelihoods left behind. Please, I beg of you, help these ponies. They’ve done you no wrong.”
>”I shall consider it. You wished to ask a few things. Please proceed with the rest.”
>You don’t know what that means.
>In general you’d assume that such wiggle words meant ‘no’.
>You think back to the blunt honesty.
>Even that might have been a trick.
>Apes are well known for-
>No.
>There is no way to rationalise away what it first said.
>If it wanted to do you harm it would have already.
>If a consideration is all it’ll promise, you’ll have to accept that.
“We’ve ponies that were critically wounded during our conflict. There is no hope of recovery. I beg of you, save them.”
>”I had no idea that any save yourself and Celestia were physically harmed due to this laughable waste of time. I shall do what I can to mend them, though I must warn you it will likely be crude. I’ve limited information on your kind.”
>>26938641
>You start to tear up.
>Just a little.
>There were times when you were ready to give up hope.
>You were certain that you’d failed them, sent them in to meet a pointless demise.
>You still failed them.
>But maybe you’ve made it right?
>You shouldn’t ask this.
>You should just be happy with what’s happened and move on.
>But none of this has matched your expectation.
>You need to know.
“Why? Why are you helping them?”
>”For the same reason as why I’ve not wiped your kind off the globe. Because I’m not a killer. You may be, but I am not.”
>You don’t care about the accusation.
>You don’t care about the clearly stated threat.
>You are daring to hope.
>You won’t have to attend their funerals any time soon.
>You won’t have to deliver the grim news to their families.
>You’ve made mistakes before.
>Far more than you care to count.
>Yet you’ve not grown numb to the consequences.
>”Have we any further business?”
>”One last things. There are millions of ponies who could use your help. Ponies die every day of disease, organ failure, and injury. You could prevent this. You could be the hero of an entire species. Please, teach us your ways. Teach us how you mended Spike.”
>”No.”
>Your heart sinks.
>Not ‘maybe’.
>Not ‘if’.
>Just ‘no’.
>”I’ve already greatly overstepped my bounds while here. The only rule for contacting an intelligent species is to leave them alone and let the higher ups decide. Perhaps some day you shall have your wish. For now you’re on your own. Have we any further business?”
>This can’t be it.
>There needs to be something you can do!
>The ponies of Equestria are depending on you.
>They need you to free them from their frail bodies!
>You need to save them from their accursed flesh!
>Maybe you can pressure it by-
>The memory of those impossible blasts runs through your head.
>Perhaps you can offer it some of, ALL of the state treasury?
>But Spike said it can just MAKE perfect gems.
>Apes are well known for their love of gold, though!
“I could offer you a great deal of gold. Tons of it!”
>”What would I do with that? It’s not very useful. Not interested.”
>Not interested in GOLD?
>You’re officially convinced.
>It’s not an ape.
>What can you do?
>It doesn’t want wealth.
>It can’t be pressured in any way.
>It can simply take whatever it wants.
>There must be something you can offer.
>ANYTHING!
>You CAN’T lose this chance!
>This is Ponykind’s SALVATION!
>You can save them from age, from disease!
>YOU CAN CURE DEATH!
>YOU NEED TO…
>You... You need to…
>”Crying won’t change my mind.”
>You’re not crying.
>There’s just some dust in your eyes, that’s all.
>”If we’ve no further business, I shall take my leave. Keep the communicator. Contact me whenever you wish, just don’t waste my time.”
>You don’t look at the text.
>You don’t watch the being leave.
>You don’t look at anything.
>You just sit there desperately seeking an answer.
>None come to mind.
That's it. I wrote this while half asleep and it turned out to be mostly rambling. I think I fixed that during editing, but some of the problem might have stuck.
I'm well aware that the consequences of desertion are pretty severe. Let's assume for the sake of fiction that Equestria's military is less strict.
>>26938670
I liked it. Great update as always.
>>26938670
doing good keeping the role, but didn't he already broken the rules?
luna could of offer him knowledge about magic? unless spike already filled that role?
>>26938670
Damn, dude is fucking cold.
>>26938728
Glad to hear it.
>>26938918
>”I’ve already greatly overstepped my bounds while here."
Yup. He blew it, he got involved. This is still mostly defensible as he was forced into this situation. Cybernetically enhancing an entire species is going a might bit further and would be harder to explain away. As for Luna, she doesn't know him well enough to know what he's after.
>>26938593
If by busy you mean there was a purge of like half the threads and this was one of them, than yeah it was busy two days ago.
>>26931246
>As you step out of the train car you realize that the city is bigger than you remembered
>Much bigger
>Is that a new park?
>Anyway, the last time you saw Trixie, she moved into a home here in Canterlot
>After you helped her scrounge enough bits to get her out of the forest, that is
>The same forest you crashed in
>Back to the point, you hope that Trixie hasn't wasted the opportunity you gave her
>If she didn't get a job to make bits for rent, that would mean she'd be homeless again
>And you didn't come to Canterlot just to get Rarity those gems
>If you can recall, she moved into the two-story on Starswirl Lane
>As you make your way through the city streets, you come upon a sign, with arrows pointing in the direction of certain areas of the city
>The arrow that catches your eye is the one pointing to Starswirl Lane
>You begin walking in that direction
>You observe the surrounding area, taking note of the nearby shops
>You see a variety of bakeries, restaurants and generic market stalls
>One in particular is what looks to be a trading center called 'The Grand Exchange'
>Taking a peek you see a vast array of things being traded by busy ponies, whilst others are behind a counter
>You might want to take a look later
>But now's not the time
>Heading further down the road you come upon a fork in the road
>One side heading deeper into the city, the other being the street you're looking for
>You head down Starswirl Lane, keeping an eye out for the house
>Aha! There it is
>As you approach the house you begin to wonder
>Will Trixie even want to be a part of this? Admittedly you won't tell her the entirety of your plans up front, but you'll still let her in on the situation with book horse
>Reaching the doorstep, you knock on the door
>She better be here or the trip to Canterlot would have been a waste
>Well, not completely. You still have those rubies to nab for Rarity
>>26939035
Is he still dead set on finishing the gate? He could just decide to not do that and live on Equis as essentially a god. He was already worrying about what the Human military was going to do with the Ponies so it's not that much of a stretch.
bumpo
>>26938670
Good shit man, lookin forward to more.
>>26939035
Wheres the link scruffy dint let me read all of it.
>>26938670
At least shadows are saved
>>26940501
Here's the stuff that was in thread 19. I didn't have anything in thread 20.0 http://pastebin.com/fduR9ESt
Paste also updated http://pastebin.com/430ryWVh
>>26939346
>After what seems to be an eternity, the door springs open
>"Who knocks upon the door of the residence of The Great and Powerful Tri- Anonymous?"
"Hello, Trixie! I'm sorry I've taken this long to visit you since you moved in..
>"It's been months Anon! Either way, Tr- er.. I'm glad to see you again!"
>"Why don't you come inside? We can talk over lunch."
>Stepping inside of the house you are instantly greeted by a horrid smell
>Did something die in here?
>Taking a look around the place you can tell why
>Trash littered around the garbage bin
>An old, dirty mattress on the floor in the living room
>Has she been living like this the whole time she's been here?
>"You picked a great time to show up Anon, I've just finished preparing lunch. How does fried pinecones sound?
>Looking over in Trixie's direction you can see her taking fucking pinecones out of her fryer
>Pinecones
>Damn, ex-hobo pony is crazy
"I-I'm fine, Trixie. I ate right before I took the train to Canterlot."
>"Oh well, suit yourself! Take a seat over here Anon."
>She guides you to her dining table
>You can literally see what looks like the hardened remains of a spilled drink
>Should you tell her?
>Now may not be the best time, unless you want another pony to kick you out of their home that is
>You and Trixie take your seats
>"So, how has it been since you left for Ponyville Anon?"
>She takes a.. bite out of one of her pinecones
>How can she eat that shit
>>26940895
Compared to the rarity conversation this is as big step, you're doing a good job.
>>26940895
"Yeah.. about that.. It's been fine for the most part, but there's a problem I've had to face recently, which is reason as to why I've come to you today Trixie."
>"Really? What's happened Anon?"
"Ever since I moved in with Twilight, she's always been boasting about magic and how it's how this world is powered by it. Once I told her about the CIS and our accomplishments before I came here, she didn't believe me. Because of this, a heated argument started which ended with me leaving Ponyville, and coming to you for help."
>Trixie finishes her pinecone
>"I'm sorry, what? The last time I met Twilight she seemed like the respectful type. For her to act like that, especially to you, Anon, makes me want t-SQUELCH"
>She fucking burped
>"Uh.. Excuse me?"
>She picks up her second pinecone, and starts going to town
>Fucking horses
"Anyway... the reason I came here is because I was wondering if I could stay here for a few nights until I can head out again."
>She swallows her food
>"Where will you go?"
"That's the second reason I'm here. You know the Everfree like the back of your palm, right?"
>"Why yes, I so Anon. While I regret spending so much of my time there, I am familiar with the area. Are you sayi-"
"That I want you to tag along with me? Maybe I do, Trixie. What do you say?"
>"Why do you want to go to the Everfree in the first place? Why not just stay here with me?"
>You take another look around the room
>Something about the size of a small dog scampers into the other room
>You wonder if you'll survive even a couple days
"To be honest, Trixie, do you want to know how I actually came here?"
>"What do you mean?"
"I'll explain later. Just know that it has something to do with the technology I told you about all those months ago."
>"Wait.. are you saying that-"
"Yes, I'm saying that I wasn't summoned because Twilight beat the shit out of a giant goat on steriods
>"That doesn't answer my question Anon, what are you wanting in the Everfree?"
>>26941155
>dub dubs
>Well.. you thought you could have avoided this for now
>No point in hiding the inevitable
"Well.. if you're going to be persistent, I guess I'll tell you. In the forest, there is a crater. And in that crater lies a lot of things.. useful to me. I want to take advantage of those items, and possibly make a new place to call home. I AM homeless after all."
>"Then why would you want me to come with you?"
>She may be Great and Powerful but she just doesn't get it does she
>Now might be the time to lay down the hammer about this place
"Trixie, I'm going to ask you a question. Be honest here. Do you actually like living here? With all of this garbage everywhere?"
>She begins to tear up
>startpacking.jpg
>"I-it's just been so hard Anon! I've never lived a life in the city like this, and ever since you left things have been falling apart! This place is a wreck, I can never keep a job, and I'm about to be evicted! I-I just wish I could fix things, Anon, but nothing I do seems to work!"
>She knocks her plate of ravaged pinecones and her glass of whothefucknowswhat to the floor and curls up
>Well shit, good job Anon
>You just made one of you closest friends curl up and cry
>Not to mention the poor pinecones
>You need to do something
>You get up out of your seat, and walk over to Trixie
>You begin to console the poor thing
"Shhh, It'll be alright Trixie. If you come with me to the Everfree you won't have to worry about all of that stress again. Trust me on this."
>She begins to calm down after hearing that
>"Y-you mean it? Oh, Anon, if you aren't lying you just made me happier than I've been in a long while, of course I'll go with you! Just let me get some of my personal belongings."
"Well, we aren't leaving yet. We should be fine here for a few days, yes?"
>"I suppose we could stay for a few days; although, the house is a wreck. Are you sure you can handle it?"
"I never said we couldn't clean the place, Trixie. We can get this cleaned up before sunset."
>>26941244
>>26941155
Forgot name
Weird
>>26941244
>>26941155
>>26940895
>>26939346
That's it for tonight. Feel free to criticize and whatnot
>>26932330sorry about the spotty replies, been hyping up for two horse-cons coming up
>"but, I love othe-" you cut twilight off
"its, really not that important, it's like an inside joke…" you say
>rainbow dash says something about an event with discourse, or maybe discord, and twilight shuts up
>twilight pauses before saying "anyway, about the cars…" she continues "because, if you can achieve such efficiency with little rail-balls what can a whole car of human invention be like?"
"well, back home" you trail off; "well, I don't know much, well, there's a way that they make the engines run, they take a fuel of sorts, stuff it in a tube, light it, and theres a bit that comes down in the tube, and the fuel exploding-"
>you notice the hand motions your making are following a pattern of finger into rounded hole created by the connection of your thumb and pointer finger- not really polite. Good thing rarity wasn't here.
part 1 of 2
>>26941401
>that makes you pause
You continue, saying "and then that would propel the piston upward and then more fuel would be entered- and then that cycle repeats causing work to be produced"
>rainbow'd ash looks astonished
>rainbow chirps out "and- so you, you- you use explosions to make your cars work"
"hell yeah-"
>now she's speechless, she's gone, lost in thought of explosive powered wagons
>twilight looks at you and says "well, what else are they powered by?"
"y-you have the air intake, oil for lubrication, dot dot dot; oh, and there's electric powered cars" you say non-chalontly
>she continues "really? Electricity? I thought it could only be used for appliances and such-"
"well, no- electricity is simply put, used to do work- it makes lights, heats things; produces radiation, it does /A LOT/ of stuff back home, not just the blender or ice-cream maker"
>"so its like magic?" she says
"basically, its magic with an explanation…" you say with a smirk
>"cool- so if we could generate electricity, we could have magic for the masses!" she says
"yea, I suppose, but there is a logical explanation, unlike the pony-scat you got going for you now"
>she laughed a little, and looks at you and says
>"we're gonna science the 'shit' out of this">great, you've taught little cute ponies how to swear like matt daemon.now that that bit is done, I can really have fun with this green, lets go to the human world, shall we?
>>26941351
I'm loving trix so far.
>>26941413
also, feedback and story thoughts are always read. but I'm not getting a lot of snything, so I'm gonna flat out ask fot thoughts
>>26941631
I've just come back to 4chan a couple days ago, and have read bits and pieces of your story. For the most part, it's good. You just need to work on your grammar and sentence structure. I'll be sure to read the rest when I have time.
>>26941827
a lot of it is intentional, unless your putting aside the memespeak. but yeah, I stopped solidly proofreading in one-note and just started skimming it. so that might be an issue.
>>26941631
I'm going to start with the bad because I'm a negative person.
You pretty much forgot that caps exist in >>26941413 for starters.
You often forget punctuation at the end of sentences, mostly those that aren't attributed to a speaker. Beyond missing punctuation you often use it incorrectly; your semicolon use is especially bad. If you don't understand the proper way to use them read up https://writing.wisc.edu/Handbook/Semicolons.html or just avoid them altogether.
Now for the good.
I can't really offer any suggestions on the storytelling, I just want to see where it goes next. That's pretty good considering you're still setting things up.
>>26941870
Oh. So you're not trying on the grammar. Very well then, I'll comment on it no further.
>>26941882
>just take a left turn and make it a shitfest
just, 30 shitposts a slide. /that's/ what my heart wants. just, a lot of shitposts
>>26941827
You did a really good job of showing of much Trixie is living in absolute squalor
>>26906612
If, in the future, We will have to rotate the planet because the center of it will not work.
Bumperino
Expect more green later today
>>26944950
ok.
>>26909355
I cried
>>26938670
I don't know why but the speech of him reminds me of the Elcor of mass effect. The explanation of emotions beforehand so that the context isn't misunderstood, but that's my two cents about that.
>>26909538
Moar?
>>26945989
Why do I have a name?
>>26946027
4chan April fools tradition I guess?
No page 8 bump
What if Luna supported Anon in his journey to prove Twilight wrong, and Celestia wanted to stop Anon because she believed that his creations were too chaotic for the good of equestria?
What would happen?
>>26947366
civil war
>>26947366
I more like the idea of Celestia and Luna both supporting Anon in his endeavors because they both believe twiggle needs to quit conforming so much and just get an open mind.
Didn't we have a writefag that wrote something like this at one point?
Or
>anon goes to equestria
>pic related somehow also goes there with him
>enslave the country because anything that gets within 2km of it is turned into red mist
>>26941631
Make Anon invent the vibrating dildo.
>>26947366
>>26947424
Dickbiscuit was working on story with that as a premise.
>>26947366
I was originally going to have something like that happen in my story instead of involving Trixie, mostly because
>luna best waifu
Now that I think about it I might have a way of including this in my story
>>26948193
>name not showing up for me
Droidnon here
>>26948193
>>26948204
If that's really you then make a tripcode. That's the only way
>>26948221
Better?
>>26948514
How about now
It's probably the April 1st joke if it doesn't work this time
>>26948581
It is the April 1st joke.
>>26940686
Just read through the whole story and holy fuck am I loving it, keep the green coming!
>>26941244
>You are Twilight Sparkle
>It's three in the morning
>You're in your castle, pacing the throne room back and forth
>And you aren't doing so well
>You've been looking everywhere for Anon
>You've felt terrible ever since you let him go
>Why didn't you stop him?
>The only thing you know is that he's in Canterlot
>You have Rarity to thank for that
>While you still don't agree with his beliefs, you're worried
>He's probably sleeping on the streets for Celestia's sake!
>Wait
>You suddenly stop your pacing
>Celestia
>She could help you out with this
"SPIIIIIKE!"
>The dragon jumps out of his bed, scrambling into the room
>He has a rolling pin
>"Twilight! What's wrong? I heard you call my name!"
>He scans the room for what you assume are intruders
"Hehe, nothing's wrong Spike! I just needed your help."
>He slowly lowers the pin while continuing to monitor the room
>"What did you need help with that was worth dragging me out of bed for, Twilight?"
"Spike, I need you to prepare a letter to the Princess! It is of utmost urgency, I assure you!"
>"Does it have anything to do with Anon?"
"Maybe?"
>He starts to leave the room
"What are you doing Spike?"
>"Going back to sleep, Twilight."
"Why? I need you for this letter. What am I supposed to do, ship this through the mail?"
>He stops, and turns around
>"Because, you've always been rude to that guy, Twi."
>"Every time he talked about his life before you summoned him, you always got uppity because it didn't involve magic."
>What? Sure, you didn't always agree with him, but did you push it a little too far?
>No. Of course not.
"But of course, Spike! All of that nonsense makes absolutely no sense! How are you supposed to have long distance conversations without letters?"
>"As Anon said... from what I can remember he said that the-"
>You're not liking his tone.. he should know better than this!
>>26949401
"Bah, enough of this, now help me out with this letter. After that, you can go to sleep, and I promise not to bother you anymore tonight!"
>He stops to think a moment
>"Fine. But I still think you're wrong here, Twilight."
>Finally
>Enough of all that
"Okay. Take note, Spike. Dear Princess Celestia..."
More in an hour or two.
Would have made just one post, but couldn't fit both parts on there
>>26938670
>Luna the Iron Hand
Good update, personally I hope Anon comes to find true friendship with one of the world's natives.
>>26949414
You are doing a great job on the story so far droid.
>>26949414
>"Your Faithful Student, Twilight Sparkle."
>You're Celestia
>And you've just been awoken from your slumber
>Twilight has sent you a letter about a problematic Anonymous. He has apparently left her care at the castle. From what was described in the letter, he apparently left because Twilight refused to believe his fabrications of a world without magic. You share her opinion, and believe that Anonymous shouldn't be doing whatever it is he plans to.
>What's really got you upset is that Anonymous was involved in an incident in the city center just hours before this letter was sent.
>He, and a mare that he was with, were supposedly assaulted by four local stallions. From what information was gathered, they were browsing at a trading center, 'The Grand Exchange'. When they outbid another pony on a crate of some gems, the pony and his friends started to harass them, which turned to outright attacking them.
>You don't believe that one bit
>Anonymous obviously started the conflict
>Such is the way of his kind, you assume, from the actions he's taken thus far
>So logically, you had him, and the mare he was with, one named 'Trixie Lulamoon', arrested
>You were going to wait until morning to see the prisoners, but with the arrival of Twilight's letter, you feel you should do so now
>You head into your bathroom to freshen up
>>26949894
>You're Anonymous
>And you've just woken up in a prison cell
>You're arms are restrained in shackles, which are connected to a wall by chains
>thefuck.png
>You remember that you got into a fight with some jackass and his fuckboys after you outbid them on that crate of rubies you needed for Rarity
>It's not like it's your fault, they were the aggressors
>Observing the dimly lit cell, you can see they've also taken Trixie. She seems to be asleep at the moment
>Is she drooling?
>Besides that, there is no sign that your assailants were also detained
>Not to mention the rubies
>Rarity's going to be pissed when you get out of this cell
>If you'll get out of this cell
>What you don't understand is why the hell were you arrested, but your attackers weren't?
>There has to be something going on here
>You can see a window through the door bars
>It's the middle of the night
>No sense in trying anything until morning, when more guards are patrolling the prison
>You let the night take you
>>26949904
>>26949894
As usual, pastebin updated:
http://pastebin.com/i5yNCzPK
More soon
>>26949401
>It is of utmost urgency, I assure you!
>>26949894
God celestia is a cunt
>>26940686
holy shit
Writefag_Is_Kill, you are amazing. Your story's plot is great, the pacing is wonderful, and it's fucking 8 trillion words long.
If you see your green to the end, I will name my firstborn after you.
>>26949904
>Or so you thought
>You hear hoofsteps from down the corridor
>Probably just a guardspony
>When the pace of these steps quickened, you changed your mind
>An intruder? Your rescue?
>You got your answer when a certain princess stopped at your cell
"P-Princess Luna?! Oh, I'm in for it now, aren't I.."
>She used to be pretty cool with you, when you were in Canterlot
>Maybe things have changed
>Shit, well, at least you know it's serious
>"Anonymous, what are you doing in here?"
"I-I'm not too sure myself Princess. You don't know?"
>"Not necessarily, Anonymous. I don't have too much time to explain, my sister is on her way at this moment. We must hurry."
>She wastes not one second as she uses her magic to undo the lock
>You were stunned
>Why was she helping you?
>As she enters the cell, she notices Trixie
>"This was the pony that was with you, yes? A 'Trixie Lulamoon'?
>How did she know
>Probably princess magic or some shit
"Y-yes, princess, she was there with me."
>"Very well. I guess she can come along with us, then."
>She then undoes your shackles and proceeds to teleport you three out of the cell
>Her timing is amazing, because at that moment you could barely hear what sounded like a multitude of ponies heading your way.
>>26950880
>You land a- wait.. WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?!
>You just appeared at the fucking crash site
>In the middle of the damn forest
>shitshitshitshitshit
>She knows, doesn't she
>"Anonymous. Before I came down to the dungeon to get you, I overheard my sister talking to one of her higher officers."
>"She received a letter from her student, Twilight. In it she gave details of your storming from Ponyville."
>That little-
>"While I may have just found out about that, don't think I didn't know about this the whole time you were here."
>She pats the ship with her hoof
"Y-you knew? How? I figured I played it off as some summoning gone wrong!"
>"Yes, you did. Everypony still believes that. Even the one you plan to prove wrong."
>Even if she knows, at least no one else did
>Unless she was lying
>"However, when you came hurling from the sky, I was observing my beautiful night. I happened to notice a shooting star, and continued to observe it. As you began to descend I noticed that it wasn't a shooting star, but what I thought was a meteor."
"When you hit in the Everfree I was excited to investigate. I came to this spot and found not a meteor, but this.. thing. With you inside of it."
>Even though she knows about the ship, at least she doesn't know what any of this is
>Perhaps you could convince her to come with you and Trixie
>"I mended your wounds with my magic before leaving you here, and informing my sister of your arrival."
>So that's how they found you so quickly
>"Anon, I have just one question for you. What is all of this? I know it has something to do with that technology you talked about, but what it is exactly?"
>You take a look around
"As much as I'd like to talk right now, we're going to need to set up shelter. And soon."
>"You're right."
>"I'll work on making a fire. You should work on setting up shelter."
"I believe we already have it."
>You mention towards the ship
>>26950971
>"Of course! A brilliant idea Anon!"
>You enter the ship, taking the still unconscious Trixie with you.
>Observing the inside, you can see soot, and vines that have overgrown from the outside all over the place
>This wreck is a wreck
>You clear an area in the troop compartment for Trixie, and place her down.
>Damnit, this was going to be hard to explain.
>What would Luna say if you told her you crashed here after losing a war with the largest superpower in The Galaxy?
>Now is not the time to think about that
>Or maybe it is
>You have absolutely no clue at this point
>You hear Luna gasp outside
>"Anonymous! We have unwanted guests!"
>You bolt for the door
>When you get outside you count twelve timberwolves along the edge of the clearing
>Twelve
>You notice that they're approaching Luna, slowly
>Before they can do anything, you yell
"Luna! Inside NOW!
>She stands there, as if paralyzed
"Luna!
>You run up to her and grab her, tugging her in your direction
>She snaps, and runs straight for the ship
>You hope this works
>You pursue, the timberwolves approaching quicker now that you have started commotion
>As soon as you get into the ship you sprint directly to the cockpit, slamming the button for the door
>Luckily, the door still works
>It slams shut before the timberwolves could get inside
I know, it might seem weird to be at this point already, but I wanted to get past the buildup and into the real story. Honestly it hasn't even begun yet. You could possibly consider everything before this post a prologue. What do you all think?
>>26951130
Is the buildup that Celestia and Twilight are complete fucking assholes?
>>26951205
Possibly
Don't forget that there's an old sep war factory out there anon ^:)
>>26951130
I wanna see anon explain the war and everything to luna and trixs
>>26951205
pretty sure Celestia is a racist
>>26951130
Thanks for the feedback, anons
As a bonus, I'll be dumping more tonight
>You turn around to a tired Luna
>Oh, and Trixie's awake, too
>Is she always this mad?
>And Luna looks like she's a kid that just watched a horror movie
>They were both looking at you
>Oh
>Man
>Is now the time?
>Luna is the first to speak
>"So, Anon. Now that you've... saved us.. will you care to explain that?"
>She points a hoof towards the door
>o fug
>You need to think of something, and fast
"I.. uhhh..... you see.."
>You're very bad at this
"T-the door.."
>Fuck it
>If Luna has stayed with you for this long, surely she could be trusted.
>You start to explain to them how it works and how you pressed a button to make it close
>Afterwards you begin to retell your story of the Confederacy, leaving out the bits about the war, and how you lost because some guy killed your leaders and shut down your troops
>You did end up telling Trixie about what happened with the prison, and how Luna got you out
>Throughout your story you get mixed looks from both of the ponies, mostly faces of interest and
>It takes you an hour to finish explaining everything
"And that is basically it. After I realized my ship's engines were fried, I used what I could to get into this system's gravitational pull. It is what pulled me down here."
>Trixie is the first to speak
>"Gravitational pull? What's that?"
"A gravitational pull, or gravity. is the force of attraction between two masses. The force is proportional to the mass, and inversely proportional to the square of the distance."
>They still look like they have no clue what you're talking about
>"I don't get it Anon."
>Of course you don't, you're just now learning about this shit
>Maybe there's some information they could study in the ship's central computer
>You'd have to make sure to censor anything about the war, and some of the more dishonorable things the Confederacy did
>>26951807
>You didn't necessarily agree with the slaving and exploiting of people, but it's what you had to do
"I have an idea. How about I get one of these old terminals back online, so that you two could study this for yourselves?"
>You walk over to the cockpit
>Luna and Trixie follow
>You flip a switch, and the central computer springs to life
>The ponies behind you have a look of wonder on their faces
>You quickly move any information of the war onto an old storage drive that was left in the ship
>Taking it from the computer, it's now free of anything they shouldn't know for now
"You two can look through this if you want to know any more."
>Luna speaks
>"How exciting! I can't wait to study this!"
>She sits down next to the computer
>"Just one question Anon. How do I use this?"
>Face, meet palm
>You forgot about that
>You show Luna and Trixie how to use the computer, which buttons to press
>They were absurdly small for their hooves, so they used their magic to operate it
>Now that that was out of the way, you make your way into the troop compartment
>Walking over to one of the wrecked droids' bodies, you notice something
>It's E-5 blaster rifle is there
>In-tact
>Holy shit
>You just struck gold Anon
>Maybe you'd be able to take care of those timberwolves rather than waiting them out
>>26951883
Doing great so far.
>>26951883
"Luna! Trixie! Come here for a moment."
>They both trot over to you
>The two trot over to you
>"What did you need Anon?"
"You'll never guess what I found, Trixie!
>You show them the blaster
>They look at it in a similar way they did the computer
>"Is that a-"
"Yes, it is. I think I just found a solution to our timber wolf problem"
>"Wait.. are you saying we'll need to.. dispose.. of them?
>Luna sounded slightly concerned with that statement
>Time to break it to her
"Luna, if I don't take care of them now, they'll sit and wait for us to come out. It'd be easier on us, and quicker for them."
>"I-I understand Anon.. it just surprised me is all."
"Good, because I have a plan. I'm going to create a barrier with these crates, so that the wolves won't be able to easily get to me. When I tell you, hit the big yellow button in the middle of the console."
>You and Trixie move the crates into position
>When serving with the CIS, you never really experience a lot of combat yourself
>You were still trained to use a blaster though
>You ready your blaster and turn the safety off
>You take aim
"Alright. Trixie, step back. Luna! On three I want you to press the button!
>"Okay! Ready when you are Anon!"
"One!"
>You tighten your grip
"Two!"
>Your heart is pounding
"Three!"
>Luna hits the button, sending the door flying open
>The timberwolves are still here
>The way they react shows you that you caught them off guard
>Good
>You begin to unload your blaster, aiming first for the one nearest to you
>You hit him with the second shot, sending its smoking body flying a couple feet
>Luna and Trixie yelp at the sound of the first shot
>You never really told them what blasters sounded like
>They'll get used to it
>After the first few timberwolves fell under your fire, some of the remaining ones decided to charge you
>The others just ran off
>Careful not to have your blaster overheat, you begin to pace your shots
>PEW PEW, BYEU
>>26952177
>You haven't realized how much fun you've been having with this
>Maybe you should tone the laughter down a little
>Wait, you were laughing?
>You forget what you were thinking and continue to fire your blaster, tearing through the oncoming timberwolves
>The last of the vermin falls at the base of your barrier
>That encounter was a little more than you expected
>At least you didn't overheat your blaster
>Rewind an hour
>You're Celestia, and you are absolutely furious
>When you arrived at Anonymous'cell in the dungeon, there was not a single soul present, and the door and shackles were undone!
>Even worse, when you went to tell your sister of this news, she was nowhere to be found! Nowhere!
>That damn monkey broke out of your dungeon and kidnapped your sister!
>You aren't normally one for exacting revenge, but you were going to make him PAY
>As soon as you find him you're going to take your army and dispose of the mongrel
>You'll have your general, Righteous Force, inform the scouts of their new objective: Find the location of Anonymous
>Before you take anything beyond that, you'll need to wait
>Twilight is on her way, via train
>Once she gets here, you'll be able to discuss your plans in higher detail
>>26952506
Okay /mlprogress/
You decide
http://strawpoll.me/7253977
Bump. Story dump incoming
>>26952506
>You're Anonymous, once again
>Sometimes you wonder if Droid will ever write in the POV of Trixie or Luna
>That's something that you think will probably never happen
>On a serious note, It's been some time since you've taken care of those timberwolves
>Once they were gone, the three of you went back into the ship for the night
>Granted, it was early morning, you slept until two
>That's what your pocket watch has said, at least
>You seemed to be awake before the other
>Now would be a good time to start some work
>While Luna and Trixie are asleep, you'll start work on securing a perimeter
>You hope the shuttle had something useful in its cargo hold when you left your frigate
>Granted, it wasn't very large, but it could still hold a decent amount of things
>As you exit the ship, you make sure you have your blaster, and that the safety is off
>Don't want to have anything sneaking up behind you while you're undefended
>Reaching the cargo hold, you press the release
>What you find surprises you
>Twenty radar beacons, fully primed and connected to the central computer
>These would be perfect
>Radar beacons alone wouldn't be enough, though
>You'll need to make a form of wall, just enough to keep the wildlife from-
>No wait
>You forgot
>These beacons have a special module inside them that zaps anything that passes between them that aren't in the CIS databanks
>One problem though
>Luna and Trixie aren't in there
>Thank the creator you didn't delete all of that Separatist information from that computer
>With just some minor tinkering you should be able to have Luna and Trixie in the databank
>>26953092
>It's been three hours
>You managed to get your friends into the databank
>You've also set up those beacons
>They'll suffice for now, but later you'll want to have an actual wall behind those beacons
>Trixie woke up just after you began work on the beacons.
>Moon horse is still asleep
>Is she nocturnal or something?
>You're just glad that now you'll be able to detect any incoming life forms, as well as keep them out. To a degree.
>>26952561
activate light-speed drive, create a black hole in a place of the planet.
>>26953097
>>26953107
Activate ship and fly all around Equestria, singing "I can show you the world" to Luna and Trixie
>>26953137
then activate broken light-speed drive, shouting "I can show you ZA WARUDO!!!"
>black hole
>group hug
>>26953097
>You are Platinum Shine
>You are one of the scouts that were selected for this mission
>You and your unit were dispatched to the Everfree forest
>You don't know what you'll find here, but you're getting the creeps just thinking about this place
>If you weren't careful, it wouldn't be the monsters that'd get you, it'd certainly be the deadly flora
>You try not to dwell on it too much
>Your squad leader, Onyx Shield, only told you that you were going after some ape
>He said you'd know him when you saw him
>You weren't too sure yourself, as the amount of creatures in this forest is absurd
>The journey to the Everfree from canterlot is nearly two hours altogether by flying chariot
>You decide to take a nap until you get there
>One hour and fifty five minutes later
>You're squad is loading off of the two chariots
>Velvet Chaser, Tiny Thunder, and Nimble Force were on the first
>Onyx Shield, Yellow Rock, and you were on the second
>Once you and your squadmates have your gear ready, Onyx speaks up
>"Assuming any of you missed briefing, I'm going to explain one more time."
>"We're here to locate a missing fugitive"
>"He's the human, Anonymous. You all know who that is, correct?"
>"The what, sir? Hooman?"
>Fucking Velvet
>"No, corporal. Human. The thing is basically a really tall, hairless ape. It wears clothes, so it should be easy to see through the brush."
>"We aren't here to make ourselves known. That's the main attack force's job.
"Attack force? Celestia wants to send an entire army after this thing?"
>"From what I've heard, yes. She does. If you were paying attention when I explained it earlier, you would know that the human has kidnapped Princess Luna, and taken her wherever he is."
>There is a collective gasp amongst the squad
>"Yes, you heard me right. It took the princess."
>"Now, unless any of you have questions, I suggest we get moving. We don't have time to waste."
>>26953354
>You're still Platinum Shine
>Why wouldn't you be?
>You've been patrolling this forest for hours now
>You find something strange
>You haven't encountered a single hostile entity yet
>Usually you'd be attacked by timberwolves, or a manticore, mere minutes after coming into this place
>Whatever's happened here to drive them away, at least in this part of the forest, leaves a bad feeling in your stomach
>Nonetheless, you continue onward, following your squadmates
>Onyx stops
>"Okay soldiers, it's time we stop for a break."
>Thank Celestia
>"I see what appears to be a watering hole down in that valley. Feel free to fill your canteens."
>You're happier than you've been since you've entered this forest
>Your canteen ran empty early on
>You head down into the valley, towards the watering hole
>As you approach the watering hole you begin to notice something odd
>When did the ground start shaking?
>The closer you get to the body of water, the more intense it gets
>You and your squadmates freeze, fearing something terrible will happen
>Well, all of you except for Velvet
>"Velvet! Stop where you are! The closer we get to the pond the more the ground shakes! Can't you see?"
>She didn't stop at all
>Well Nimble, you tried
>She eventually reaches the watering hole, and begins to fill her canteen
>As soon as she stopped moving, it seemed like the water in the pond just faded away
>You and your squad started to run, fearing for your lives
>Except for, well, y'know, Velvet
>How did she make it onto this team?
>Seriously
>That didn't matter though, because by the time you all scrambled into hiding the shaking stopped
>The water was all gone
>In its place was a... door?
>What?
>>26953593
>>26953354
Thoughts?
>>26953593
i love it all so far man.
>>26953593
>Admittedly, you didn't want to go anywhere near that thing
>Why is it so huge?
>Are you trying to hide dragons in there or something?
>Velvet moseys on in like she owns the place
>After seeing this, Onyx speaks up
>"I have no idea what has happened here.. or why. But we need to go in there after Velvet."
>As soon as he finishes the sentence the rest of your unit breaks out into a riot of denial
>No one wants to step any closer
>Seeing this, Onyx stands up, and starts walking
>After about ten seconds, your squad gradually starts to follow
>You don't like this at all
>After stepping through the giant doors, all you can see is black
>The floor you step on is slanted, like smooth stairs, or a ramp
"Tiny, think you could shed some light?"
>The unicorn sends forth a blast of energy from his horn
>As it travels further, it illuminates what you now know for sure is a very large ramp, with another doorway at the bottom
>Who built this?
>Travelling down to the doorway, your squad comes upon a much smaller hallway, and a continuation of the large ramp
>Heading down the hallway, your squad ends up in a room, with a large window and some weird tables with buttons
>Also, you found Velvet
>"If only there was some way I could see what is on the other side of this window."
>Maybe you can get out o-
>Wait
>She's pushing the buttons
>Nothing good can come of this
>She is literally pressing every single button
>As soon as she pushes a particularly large one, you start to hear a large rumbling noise
>She continues anyway, until she hits the button
>The button that illuminates what is on the other side of that window
>And the sight of what was over there was truly something to fear
>>26953833
>Guess what, you're Anonymous
>Greatest Human this planet has ever seen
>As you were putting the finishing touches on a simple water pump coming from a nearby river, you hear a faint beeping noise
>It was coming from the ship
>Heading inside, you were expecting the radar beacons to have caught something
>They did, in a way
>Apparently, they were tracking a distress signal sent from a..
>No
>Fucking
>Way
>You just found yourself a CIS foundry!
>You didn't even have to do anything
"Luna! Trixie! You might want to see this!"
>They start to wander over to you
>You told them about the CIS and their droids, hence why they knew about your blaster earlier
>They didn't believe you when you told them about the factory
>This will surely change their minds
>You wonder how they will react to this
"You two will never guess what just happened!"
>"What's happened, Anon?"
"Remember that factory I told you about earlier, Luna? Guess what just popped onto our radar!"
>"So you're saying that now you have the power to make droids? Like the CIS, before you came here?"
>Trixie
>Come on
>You should know this by now
"Yes, that is true, Trixie. If we can get to it though, that is. We'll have to be on the lookout for timberwolves, manticores, or worse."
>"Alright, let me grab a couple things, and I'll be ready."
>She moseys off to grab who knows what
>"Anonymous, what do you intend to do with these droids when we get there?"
>To be honest, you weren't so sure
>You were never that high up in the Confederacy
>Hell, you didn't even have a cruiser under your command
>What would you do?
"Honestly Luna? I'm not so sure. Maybe I'll parade them through ponyville and have them stop at the castle or something."
>That actually doesn't sound like a bad idea
>Well, unless you wanted to scare the locals
>Yeah.. scratch that
"Actually, forget that last bit. Doesn't sound like a good idea. I'll probably figure it out once I have them."
>>26954100
>"Okay, Anon. I was just curious is all. Just know this: with great power comes great responsibility. I've seen many tyrants rise over the course of my life, and I'd hate to have to deal with another one. Just don't let it get to your head, alright, Anon?"
>"As Trixie said before, allow me a few minutes to get together some supplies that we may find useful on our trip.
I suggest you do the same."
>Oh boy
>Looks like shit's about to get real
>You go into the ship, heading towards the cockpit
>Opening the main console, you upload the coordinates of the distress signal to a multi-purpose device
>Once you do that, you take out the device
>It might look like junk to these ponies, but to you this was a convenient GPS
>You grab your blaster, as well as what food you three have managed to scrounge up
>Time to head out
>Luna and Trixie are outside, waiting for you
"You two ready? I'm reading that these coordinates are nearly seven miles away"
>"That little thing is supposed to take us to the foundry, Anon?"
"Of course, Trixie. It's a multi-purpose device. I simply uploaded the coordinates onto it, and activated its tracking mode."
>"Whatever that means, I hope it's good. Let's get going, shall we?"
>You three begin your hike through the forest
>Two hours later
>You've only had to stop once
>You found what Trixie said were edible berries
>As you were preparing to eat some, you noticed something
>Trixie picked a fucking pinecone off of the ground
>She didn't eat the berries
>No
>She coated her pinecone in berry juice
>She proceeded to use her magic to cook
>The fucking
>Pinecone
>You and Luna didn't really have much of an appetite after that
>>26954252
So where does the trixie and pinecone thing even come from?
>>26954252
>Back to the present
>About twenty minutes later
>You three came upon a valley
>Your device was gradually starting to beep faster than it has the entire journey.
>You notice what looks like a crater in the middle on the clearing
>Upon further investigation, you find that it isn't a crater
>It's a dried up watering hole
>And at the bottom was a giant, metal door
>The only thing that looked a little odd, was that the door was open
>You could care less though
>You fucking made it
>This was the moment of reckoning
>The three of you made your way down the corridor
>You knew this layout!
>Just at the end of the ramp lies a doorway, on the left
>Down there is the control room, where you can begin your operations
>Before you head down any further though..
>You reconfigure your device, putting it into flashlight mode
>As you made it closer to the doorway, you could hear something
>It sounded like.. voices?
>Who could possibly be down here?
>"Ooooh! I wonder what THIS button does!"
--WARNING-- SELF DESTRUCT SEQUENCE ACTIVATED --
>wat.jpg
>"Self destruct sequence? What does that mean?"
>Ponies
>There are ponies
>In YOUR FACTORY
>They activated the self destruct for fucks sake! You have to stop them!
>You weren't going to have this
>You ready your blaster
"Trixie, Luna, we need to move, NOW! Follow me, this way!"
>You're now sprinting towards this doorway
>Heading inside, you book it across the corridor, and into the command center
>What you see scares you for a moment
>Just a moment
>You come upon a squad of fully armed royal guards
>What were they doing here?!
"HEY, YOU!"
>The guardsponies turn around
>"Oh no, it's the human! What even happened? How did it find us here?!
>You were one step away from blasting them right then and there
>If it wasn't for Luna of course
>"We need to leave! Our cover is blown!"
>You count six of them in total
>Before you could do anything, they stop what they're doing, and run right past you
>>26954300
Some guy took an art request and drew Trixie holding a pinecone. It somehow snowballed after that and became A Thing.
>>26954375
Yeah i wasn't to sure if it ended up in the show or a comic or something i was aware that some guy did a commission but yeah.
>>26954337
>You had two choices
A) Chase these ponies out of the foundry, blaster in hand
-or-
B) Stop the self destruct sequence
>Before you do anything else, you get over to the factory's main computer as fast as you possibly can
>Typing as fast as you can, you get to a screen with the option to stop the self destruct
>Clicking that brings you to a page
>It's asking for the code phrase
>You know this!
>You type 'Confederate Pride' into the console
-- SELF DESTRUCT SEQUENCE CANCELLED -- HAVE A NICE DAY --
>You did it
>You stopped whatever those guardsponies were doing
"Luna, do you have any idea what those ponies were doing here?"
>"I haven't the slightest idea Anonymous. If I did I would have told you by now"
>Well
>Now's the time
>You turn back to the main console
>You make sure the entire facility has its lights on this time
>After navigating through the menus, you find an option for a total reset
>Doing this would reset the factory to the state in which it was built in
>You hit enter
>The lights flicker for a moment, but then turn back on
>The machines start to whirr and move
>Coming from seemingly out of nowhere is a STD
>A super tactical droid (http://starwars.wikia.com/wiki/Super_tactical_droid)
>"Hello sir. I am Super Tactical Droid designated FI-916 at your service."
>It's been too long since you've seen one of these
"How goes droid construction FI? When will the first batch of B1s be ready?"
>"They are coming off of the construction line now, general. Follow me, if you would."
>General, eh? You're going to like that one
>>26954488
Thoughts on this for now? Suggestions? Going to have a little break from Anon &Tr/una soon
>>26954488
By the way, that's it for tonight. Not sure if I'll write tomorrow or not.
>>26954506
I like it. A lot of tech stories are Anon beating rocks together to cobble up some basic, crude human tech. It's a breath of fresh air to see you guys writing green where Anon is straight-up a tech god with robots and shit.
>>26951205
Ok can ONE FUCKING PERSON make Celestia the good guy? So far everyone's depicted her as evil or neutral.
>>26954768
agreed it's a nice story
>>26954814
>You are Celestia
>You are the good guy
>Anon is making his silly tech
>It improves everypony life
>Everypony wins
>Even Anon, even though he's not a pony
THE END
>>26947366
We had a writefag that tried that, Celestia kept the population stupid and felt threatened by Anon teaching ponies, got him put in jail on fake chargers from her secret police, writefag disappeared though so there's that.
>>26954814
She's supposed to be a wise ruler.
She can't just let some weird alien thing run around willy-nilly, building stuff from his world that might endanger her ponies. Especially the stuff with big and brightly colored buttons that just demand to be pressed with no regard to consequences.
Do you honestly expect a pony to simply walk past them and not falling into a button-mashing frenzy, unaware and oblivious to the repercussions of his or her actions?
What if he will notice it and start using this fatal attraction to entrap ponies and... and CUDDLE them! Without their permission! The whole civilization can come to a halt from a hooffull of those diabolical contraptions!
No sane ruler would allow this to happen if he cares about their subjects.
>>26954702
Can I just ask: Which writefag is this? This april fools "joke" really isn't funny.
>>26955238
Droid Anon
>>26954814
I m with this guy...sorta, i m all up for celly being the bad mare as long that there s some history to it
>>26952506
Now for droid anon green: celestia is being evil for the sake of being evil and estabilishing conflict, mostly grasping on straws, randumb beliefs for the sake of history telling and being racist as well, all the while making luna the good sister, who saw him dropping from the sky, gave some first aid withouth knowing nothing about him and never told her sister about any of that, if she had stayed there to protect him until someone found the place and saw that all would be fine then sure, pony princess doing pony stuff...but as its written she s just left the place as if worrying for not being seen...being good for the sake of being good like celly is being bad for the sake of being bad
Now remember, both of them are over 2k years old which means they must have a ton of experience and celestia has at least the double of the experience of ruling, still despite all that they run equestria TOGHETER. i seriously cant believe that they wouldnt communicate over such a crucial matter like an alien coming over, even more considering all they ve been thru as sisters...but no, one sister is jumping in to help and the other is jumping in to comdemn just as bindly, being complete oposites with no real answer for the reader of why
Luna semms like she is also really flushed out too, holding everything back as if she was a powerless being. We saw in the NMM future timeline on s5 ending that she can kill a timberwolf withouth even breaking a sweat, sure she isnt NMM and she didnt wanted to resort to killing, but she just seem like a scared child there
(1/2)
