>Anon, I'm giving you a huge amount of money for you to escort me from the Crystal Empire to the Changeling Outlands.
>You must keep me safe at all costs. Do so, and I will reward you handsomely.
thanks larson
>>26738468
Okay
>buys lots of paper and a lot more coke
>use crayon to make the paper look like money
>princess looks at the "money"
>"Anon, is this some sort of fucking joke?"
"Hey, You don't need to see my Paper Tra-"
>"Just get the fuck out of here, you shit."
>>26738468
"Of course, My Princess. Whatever it takes."
>Anon turns back to the bag he was stuffing changeling money into
>>26738468
Don't worry I promise not to
>rape
Youtoo much[\spoiler] on the way there.
>>26738468
Yeah, just sign here.
>"And done."
"Good, I get to fuck you on your journey and get money."
>"What? Wait, you never said anything about fucking!"
"It's called 'read nigger'. You are just like your mom. Wanting to do shit by yourself, including hiring and signing contracts."
>"But, I might get pregnant!"
"But that's my fetish!"
>>26738507
Can you rephrase that, but in proper English, please?
>>26738531
Not him, but I think he is pulling a 300 movie reference.
>>26738531
Anonymous just promised to protect the Princess. Meanwhile, he is placing money he received from the changelings into a bag. He is double crossing her.
>>26738531
>>26738538
Oh, on second reading, I seem to understand it better.
thank you >>26738538
sorry >>26738507, disregard >>26738531
>>26738562
I assumed from the op that the cadance was a changling.
>>26738623
that's flurry heart broski
>>26738629
Oh shit your right.
Princess flurry heart is going on a quest to kill Queen chrysalis for what she did to her parents
>>26738530
kek
continue
>>26738671
writefags please write
>>26738468
"Fine. But we're doing things my way."
>"I will, of course, take into consideration whatever suggest-"
"No."
>"No what?"
"No deal."
>"What? I already paid you, Anonymous!"
"You can have the money back. I can get more money just fine. There are plenty of deals to be made here in Dodge City. But what I cannot and will not deal with is a foolish little filly who won't follow my orders."
>"I am the Princess here!"
"And good luck to you."
>Anonymous spits on the ground and starts to walk away.
>"Wait!"
"Ain't got time for your nonsense, filly."
>"I can follow orders. Anonymous! Please. We need you as a guide. Nobody in all of Equestria has your experience when it comes to safe travel through the Outlands."
"Then you're a damn fool, girl, because there ain't no such thing as safe travel through the bleedin' Outlands! Ain't you got any knowledge of what a changeling can DO?"
>She looks up at Anon with wide eyes.
>"Believe me... I do."
>>26738468
I'm an American. I will liberate the shit out of those fuckers as a civil duty.
>>26738468
My mom says that I'm already quite handsome, thank you.
>>26738468
>escort quest
>>26738468
"You're sure?"
>The Princess of the staggering Empire gives a small, curt nod
>"Mother hasn't been the same since Father became a casualty in one of their raids, but won't take the necessary steps to put things right."
>Her eyes burn with an angry light that's only second to the magical hue surrounding her horn.
>"I shall bring forth a mighty chill that will tear even into their frigid hearts. Their land shall be laid to waste by ice and snow, and I shall turn their Queen into a frozen sculpture, a monument to her horribleness that all may see and gape in awe."
>You shake your head at the young alicorn and sigh.
"Little fillies shouldn't be having those kinds of thoughts, Princess. If my daughter were still here, I'd tell her the same thing."
>You take the bag on the table anyway.
"But I understand; once you're broken, you'll do anything to fix it. And I've got a bone to pick with one of their generals anyway. Give me a few days yet to gather a band and we'll head out at the start of the week."
>Princess Flurry Heart gives you a wicked grin that sends chills down your spine
>Though you can't tell if it's because of what you're about to do, or the realization that you're looking into a reflection of yourself that's only slightly distorted.
>>26738530
>You make sure you say it in a vary sarcastic line.
>"You're making fun of me, aren't you?"
"Hmm, lets see, you didn't bother to read a contract or get a lawyer to read the contract for you. You're going to get literally fucked by your protection. Just like Princess TooMuchCandyGoingToMyAss."
>"Who?"
"Your mom. Wow, you are definitely like your mom on the uptake."
>"Well, whatever, I can simply tear the..."
>She is silenced as she notices that the contract is gone. Her mouth is a gaped and silence happens.
>"Where's the contract?"
"Yeah, your mom tried that too but she actually succeeded."
"Only to be tricked into signing another. All I did was changed the title and she signed it."
>The eyes of the young princess turn wide as saucers at a very slow pace. Her pupils dilate from fear.
>"I'm fucked, aren't I?"
"Just like your mom..."
>"Can you stop talking abou-"
"And your dad"
>"WAIT WH-"
"I'm not done sweet heart."
"And your aunt, grandfather, grandmother and the slave pet of your Aunt. Your Sunny and Moony Aunt."
>"Please tell me that all my family wasn't dumb enough to sign the contract..."
"Well, I'm going to let you just think about that for a moment and remember all the times your family made "Genius" Ideas."
>.....
>"Oh my Celestia, my family is full of idiots!"
"And you are one of them!"might continue. Might is the key word here. I'm going to let this green continue. >>26738725 If I don't come back, someone else give it a try.
This guy here >>26738824
Wow, three writefags.
Going to let these two go first.
>>26738820
>>26738725
You two are writing it better!
>>26738468
>Halfway through the trip to the Changeling Outlands, you stop for a rest
>You're tasked to keep watch over the sleeping Flurry Heart
>By God is she beautiful.
>Wat do?
My body is SO FUCKING READY for this.
>>26740000
In honor of my operator quads, maybe a little green?
>Anon, I'm giving you a huge amount of money for you to escort me from the Crystal Empire to the Changeling Outlands.
>You must keep me safe at all costs. Do so, and I will reward you handsomely.
"Uhhh..."
>you look at the fluffy horse that appeared three feet to your left
>confusion is evident, but this creature appears cheerfully oblivious
>she increases her sweet smile as if it will coax out a reply
"Damn, I've done gone and lost my shit, haven't I..."
>"What did you lose? Is it related to my proposal?"
>yep, your sanity is gone
>oh well, you weren't doing much with it anyway
"Y-your proposal? Escort? Why me? I'm still a little weirded out, what with all the insanity and all,"
>she scrunches up her face, it is adorable
>"Look Mr... Ummm..."
"Anon."
>"Mr. Anon, I cast a spell that was meant to bring me to the being, pony or otherwise, most qualified mentally and physically to help me on my quest. I'm not sure what's so strange and insanity shouldn't be a factor."
>normally, you have a "don't give a fuck" button. Right now it's a "just run with it" button; it's not every day you see a pastel pony
"Give me like five minutes I'll grab what I need."
>she lets out a whoop of glee and stomps lightly with delight
>you almost herniate of cute
>as you gear up, you wonder about this money she spoke of
"So what kind of currency are we talking about here? Horse candy pesos or actual money here? This isn't cheap you know."
>she looks confident
"All your costs will be covered, don't worry. Just keep me safe!"
>how hard could that be, little horse show had nothing bullets couldn't cure
"How long do you think it'll take? Should I pack a lot of food?"
>"We should be fine with the provisions I have readied in Equestria. I can pull that cart without trouble."
>she raises a hoof and flexes whatever the equivalent poni have for biceps
"Let's go then, I'm good,"
>she nods and her horn glows
>a flash blinds you
>>26740245
>your vision clears in pastel pony land
>just run with it, you repeat like a mantra
>if you come to your senses naked in the middle of a Costco with a rifle surrounded by cops, you're gonna be so pissed
>deep breath, just run with it
"So why do you need to go to this Changeling Outlands place anyway?"
"The Changelings are the last big problem in Equestria, if I bring peace between the Crystal Empire and the Changeling Outlands, we could make everypony happy!"
>whatever you say purple toothpaste horse
"Just show me the way, stay behind me real close and don't wander off."
"Okay Mr. Anon, we first have to go down this path. Just one second, my cart is around here... Ah, here it is!"
>she canters over and latches a dainty little cart, matching her mane, to her regalia
>you wonder when that is going to show up at Target in the pink isle
>you move out, followed by a humming little princess pony
>there are worse ways of spending your Saturday afternoons
>she tries to make conversation but you hush her softly
"No sounds. We want to make no noise, talking could alert hostiles to our presence."
>you keep your poker face up despite her disheartened face
>right in the feels
>it's for her own good, so you endure
>the sun starts to set slowly and you find a nice place to camp
>>26739793
>you sit in the dark, moonlight shining on Flurry's adorable face
>everything is quiet and you really want to see how soft she is
>you're about to poke her nose when you hear rustling
>immediately, you freeze in full alert
>it's coming from behind her, slowly approaching, light crinkling of dry leaves
>the rustle of disturbed sand
>something is trying to sneak up on you
>you pretend like nothing is happening, walk off to the right, and settle down as if to sleep
>you have a 200 lumen surefire in your left hand and a SOG daggert 2 in the right
>after a few seconds, the rustling continues
>it's only a few yards from her now, and you tense up like a wound spring
>>26740360
>whatever it is, it's being careful
>only a few feet now
>you jump up, illuminating the suspect spot with all sorts of angry blinding photons
>you're in mid-pounce when you process the sight of a diamond dog
>some filthy mutt is about to wake Flurry-fucking-Heart in her beauty sleep
>wrong pony, wrong night
>the dog is about to yelp in surprise when you jam the light down his throat and land in a tussle, entangled with your foe
>he gurgles and you stab his shit in a dim glow of the half-swallowed flashlight's rays now bleeding from new speed holes in the doggo
>sneaki breeki, mother fucker
>you wipe up and quietly bury the diamond dog under some sand
>curling around the little pony like a cat, you get a few minutes of shut-eye at a time
>good thing you brought rip-it fuel
>the morning is uneventful as you shoo the pegacorn from a suspicious soggy lump of sand, and return to the journey
>the wastelands are pretty empty a boring
>with the ability to look far in every direction, you decide it's safe enough to chat a little
>she looks relieved
>and starts talking
>a lot
>"So that's when my mom, Princess Cadence, was all like "whaaaat?" and went on this big rant about Changelings!"
"Unh-hunh"
>"She went on a on about how Changelings were a huge problem but she didn't have time to go on an diplomatic mission, because she has to prepare my admission to pre-school!"
>wait a minute
>how old was this horse
>oh shit she doesn't even have a cutie mark
>you're retarded
>well it's not like they label ages and shit, plus she is an alicorn so her size is also a little misleading
>you're already halfway there so fuck going back, she wouldn't even pay you if you forced her to return now
>hoping that lovebutt and buckler ass aren't going to be too mad at you for taking their little pony to a changeling thing
>how bad could that be?
>>26740466
>she gets more and more excited as you approach an ominous structure in the distance
>that looks like some sort of changeling hideout
>giant swiss cheese castle
>let's get this over with
>"We're here! Mom and dad are gonna be so proud when I make peace with the Changelings!"
>pokerface holding the nervous, barely
>the entrance, a large hole, is open and looks unguarded
>[worry intensifies]
>you both stand before the main opening and Flurry clears her throat
>wait, she isn't going to
>"HELLO CHANGELINGS, I AM FLURRY HEART, ON A MISSION OF PEACE! TAKE ME TO YOUR LEADER!"
>fuck fuck fuck this fucking horse
>the ventilated castle explodes with movement and bug-like wingbeats
>this was fun, you're ready for death now as you raise your rifle
>"Halt at once, my children."
>the voice is loud yet calm, commanding, and chilling
>"Now what do we have here? A little alicorn and her... Well, something or other..."
>she descends from the darkness above and lands twenty yards in front of you
>you know something terrible is going to come out of Flurry's face so you muffle her reply with a hand
"Just a man-servant, that's me, I just carry her things"
>you say this as you pull the cart off her and fix it to your belt in a subtle motion
>Flurry's face is confused at you but her attention is retaken by the perforated bug horse ahead
>"Right, whatever. What can this humble queen of Changelings do for such a precious morsel like you, Princess Flurry Heart?"
>Crysalis seems to forget about you completely, her eyes locked hungrily on the fluffy foal in front of her
>"Well, I wanted to make peace with you Changelings so I came down here! We can be friends you know."
>the Queen looks like she's toying with a mouse that doesn't even know it's being stalked
>you notice changelings creeping up from every direction
>your nope-meter has broken and the nope needle is nope'ing away
>"I agree, Princess."
>Crysalis' voice is thick with vicious, honeyed delight
>Ahahahhah
>nope
>>26738468
Ahahahahahaha you losers can't even take care of yourselves when walking the street and doing the groceries.
Losers.
>>26740590
>"Yay!"
>Flurry's oblivious cry of mirth rings out as she pumps a little hoof in the air
>you point the rifle at the Queen's face
>Flurry's eyes haven't yet come back to Crysalis
>the Queen only has the time to look puzzled before you pull the trigger
>in the sights, you see the dance of your rifle's red-dot as a puff of green splatter splashes the rocks behind the Changeling leader
>Flurry jumps in surprise and she looks at you
>you grab her before she can see the slumping bug horse
>"What's going on Anon? What was that bang?"
>the changeling hideout erupts into chaos
"Celebration, you did it, peace achieved, changeling parties loud we should go"
>you babble words out, hoping she won't squirm too much
>behind you, all hell is breaking loose but they don't seem to be chasing you much
>good, the headless snake thrashes aimlessly
>their confusion lets you run until you can run no more
>"That was easy Mr. Anon, I wonder why I thought I even needed you!"
>you shrug
"It's better if you don't find out why you needed me, now let's get back to the Crystal Empire."
>she nods
>that went well
>you arrive back at the Crystal Empire, and the royal couple thanks you for bringing back their daughter unharmed
>you are teleported back to your apartment with a bag full of monopoly money
Fucking horses!
>>26738468
OK
>5 minutes later
Flurry I lost all of our money, what do we do now?
>>26738468
>Anon is later found running out of a Changeling hive screaming that they are in his hair.
>>26738468
Yes and that money has been spent on this
>>26738736
>humvee
AAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
http://www.liveleak.com/view?i=9f6_1457153450
>>26740723
this, as if a firearm could kill chrysalis in one shot.
>>26738468
"Don't you have, like, magic?"
>"Well, I do know my way around a spell..."
"Aren't you a princess? Can't you just get a bunch of elite Guardspony to do the job? Like, you have an entire unit at your beck and call."
>You look down at this royal nag.
"Also... Can't you just fly all the way to Mordor?"
>"I'm sorry, what?"
>"Anon! It's the journey that matters!"
>Pink pony bounces next to you, chain making noise.
>"Adventure! Meeting new friends! treasure! ...some romance~!"
"Since when did we ever had any of that? All we ever got was danger! How the hell do I tell your mum you died!?"
>"Pinkamenas don't die silly!"
"They just come close until some guy saves their ass with a sword!"
>"Hey I saved your butt countless times too!"
"Half of those times you instigated it!"
>The Princess clears her throat, getting the both of you to look at her.
>"Do we have a deal or naught? Rumors about tell of many unthinkable feats from you two, Like I said, I will pay handsomely."
>"Come on Nonny! We need to eat! I can't be mooching off my sisters all the time because I decided to stick with you!"
"Fine, fine... Changeling Outlands... Doesn't seem too bad; It can't be any worse than our last gig, at least."
>"Wonderful! Then I believe a hoofshake is the common practice in sealing a deal."
"Yeah yeah... You won't regret purchasing the services of "Militaires Sans Frontières"..." You drone out, jaded from the life of "adventure"
>"Peculiar name that is... I fear I cannot recognize the language."
>Before anything else can be said, Pink interjects happily.
>"Finally Finally, We can go on another adventure Nonny! Come on cheer up! What's the worst that can happen? If a right nasty fellow comes a-knocking I'll just be all like "My name is Pinkamena the Fourth have at you!" and they'll b-"
>You tune it out.
"So when are we needed?"
>"Right now."
>"Hey aren't you listening to me Nonny!?" Pinkie pouts.
>Why did you ever think becoming an adventure was a good idea?
>>26741838
why wouldn't it?
>>26742245
Delicious head canon
>>26742356
That's a retarded head canon, there's literally no reason for bug horse to be able to survive a surprise headshot. Pretty much any creature in Equestria, barring those with unnaturally thick heads (like elephants, unless the rifle Anon had used a caliber with sufficient sectional density) would be killed if shot in the head when they weren't expecting it.
>>26742379
>retarded head canon
You do realise where you are, right? The epitome of autism?
>>26742379
if she was was an actual bug, her heart would be in her ass.
Thorax, whatever.
>>26742452
>this matters because bug horse having brain matter splattered over the walls is ok if the heart isn't damaged
>>26742632
I...was just pointing out something that can be unf.
Feel her heart beat when you fuck.
bampu
