>"O-oh hey Anon. U-um what brings you here? Have you been working out? You look great. In a friend way of course!"
>>26165317
I ordered a dozen cupcakes and i came to pick it up
>>26165317
Th-thanks, Dash
>>26165317
Thanks Dash! I want to fuck your horse vulva while stroking your mane and cream heavily inside you, then repeat it until you get pregnant and have a bunch of satyr children, then I'd fuck them too.
In a friend way of course.
"Uh Ms. Dash? Does my mommy know you're in my room? And what we're you doing with my underwear?"
>>26165317
Why do we gotta play these games, just admit your feelings
Honestly, I ain't a fan of Dash, but I'd lead her on just to fuck her, then I'd bounce.
>>26166727
That's cold
>>26165317
Reminds me of flutterpriests rainbro collection
>>26165317
Can I cum inside you? In a friend way of course!
ok *cums*
Writefags please
>>26165317
"Gomenasai..."
*frrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrbrbrbrbtrbtbtpttrtrt*
>>26166727
Gotta dash
>>26167973
>"OH MY CELESTIA, DASH, THAT WAS DISGUSTING."
>>26167933
>>26165317
>"O-oh hey Anon. U-um what brings you here? Have you been working out? You look great. In a friend way of course!"
>>Rainbow Dash struggles to get the words out
"Oh thanks. I was just going to pick up some stuff for Twilight's gathering later today, you're gonna be there right?"
>Y-yeah, of course! But um... Well, I wanted to ask you something..."
"What's up?"
>"Well, I-i... Um, well I was wondering if you wanted to go to the gathering together, y-you know, so we can hangout and stuff...."
>>'Aren't we all going to be there?' Anon ponders in his mind, wondering why RD would ask a question like that.
"Well sure, I guess. We're going to be there anyways, why not go at the same time, right?"
>"Well, Anon, I kinda mean like a, y-you know, like a d-date."
>>Anon realizes how oblivious he was to the signs.
"Oh, well you see...."
More, yes, no? I don't think it's getting anywhere, my first ever green, so it's bound to be trash. I'll stop if it looks pathetic, lol.
>>26168079
Go on...
>>26165317
Uhh thanks I guess. Can I go back to playing dragons dogma now?
>>26168155
>>26168079
"Oh, well you see, I wasn-..."
>>Anon was cut off by a now sad* Rainbow Dash.
>"Oh, heh, yeah, no, I was only joking, Anon. We're just f-friends and all..."
>>Rainbow Dash's expression turns from that of nervous to something of sorrow, she seems to lack the enthusiasm she once had. Preparing to turn away in what appears to be shame.
"Look Dash..."
>>Rainbow Dash continues to walk away before anon takes a gentle hold of her shoulder.
>>Rainbow Dash stops in her place.
"I'd love it if we could go together tonight... As a date."
>>Rainbow Dash has a noticeable surge of joy that seemed to glow around her.
>"Really?! Aw-awesome!, well, I u-uh... I should go get ready, heh....
>>Rainbow Dash jolts somewhat quickly through the door of Mr. and Mrs. Cake's shop, seemingly skipping out as excited as a little filly who just got a new toy.
"How about I meet you at around 7 o' clock, Dash?!"
>>Anon shouts to get Rainbow Dash's attention, who is already a few meters out of the door.
>"Yeah, sure, Anon! See you at 7!"
>>Rainbow Dash flies off home to prepare
'Mmm'
>>Anon ponders, yet again.
'I should really finish this delivery quick, I need to get ready for later, and need to make a good impression on Dash.'
>>Anon smirks, and let's out a slight chuckle.
"Heh, I never knew she had strong feelings for me, glad she made the first move. Let's just hope this plays out nicely at the gathering."
>>Time passes.
How's it so far? Good, average?
>>26168371
Oh, the 'sad*' part was for lack of a better term. I couldn't think of a word to express her feeling good enough. Something like shy/disappointed/sad.
>>26168371
It is great so far. A few too many stutters but otherwise it's great. Pastebin this
>>26168609
Alright, thanks for the feedback. The stuttering doesn't fit her character much, good to know what I was doing wrong. I'll continue in a second, was pretty much waiting for someone to confirm on the continuation though. Will pastebin after I type up the next graph.
>>26168371
Is there the possibility of more pronouns depicting dash, rather than saying her full name constantly?
>>Time is currently 6:30.
'Alright, I'm ready for tonight!' Says Anon, pretty nervous about his current situation with Rainbow Dash
"Mmm, I wonder if we need anything else, might as well go check on Twilight."
>>Anon walks over to the gathering area and confronts Twilight.
"Hey Twi-"
>"Hey, Anon!" Twilight shouts before Anon can finish speaking.
>"I just wanna thank you for all the help you did with the gathering, thanks a lot!"
>>Anon looks around scanning the room nervously.
>"Are you okay, Anon? You seem kinda nervous."
"Yeah, anytime. Look, I was actually going to ask if you have anything else you need me to do for you." Says Anon quickly, effectively pairing two different statements into one while ignoring Twilight.
>"Anything else, mmmm? Oh! I need you to take these tins to the Cake shop, and also check up on Apple Jack to see if she can make it in time with the apples we need."
"Alright, will do."
>>Anon sets out with his new jobs to keep his mind at ease.
"All right, this should kill some time before I need to pick of Rainbow Dash."
>>Anon enters the Cake shop.
"Hellooo!?" Anon shouts wondering if anyone is there.
'Huh, guess not'
"Alright, well I'm just going to set these tins down here!" Anon shouts, to ensure that whoever is within the shop is alerted of his actions.
"Alright now I gotta dash over to Apple Acres. Heh... Dash"
>>Anon rushes over to Apple Acres, to check up on Apple Jack and keep his mind off Rainbow Dash.
*Huff*...Anon pulls himself together and enters the barn in search for Apple Jack.
"Hey, Apple Jack!" Anon shouts, no reply.
>Anon turns around and notices Big Mac fiddling with some tools.
"Hey Big Mac, is Apple Jack here, maybe around back?
>"Eeyup."
>>Anon walks around back to greet Apple Jack.
"Hey Apple Jack, Twilight sent me over to check on you. Do you have your Apple Carts ready with the goods, for later?"
>"Yessir, got the Cider, Apple Pie, Apples, and all the rest."
"Alright good, just wanted to check in...
>>26168923
Will do. I was actually thinking about that, when I wrote the 3rd part I was going to write out Big Mac and Twilight's full names. Decided not to as it seemed like too much.
Will shorten much more though, as I want the story to imply that Anon as known them for a bit, and is on good enough terms for nicknames and such.
>>26168652
You should consider that ones why replying, aren't only ones reading and wanting more. And there is at least 10 times more of last ones than replying ones. Some people just don't post.
Enjoyed your green so far. That's not a story yet, but "story" matters after 20.000+ I think. For now, I can say that I enjoyed reading scenes you imagined and described. So there is no need for you to stop for feedback, waiting "permission" to go on, to see, if you're still demanded. You're already, at least if you will continue not worse than you started, which would be odd.
Of course you still should consider any critique that may help you to do better what you're doing here. But even with worst words you can get, like "NO DONT WRITE ANYMORE", which I hardly can see, me and, I believe, at least 10 read-only anons, enjoyed your story so far, and are waiting to enjoy more. So don't stop, it's only up to you where to stop. I've seen serious shit grew from dumbest promts, and that promt, as for me, is actually a decen one. Thank you and good luck!
>>26169123
Just throw a few "she"s in there.
>>26169089
>tons
Y-you a brit bro?
>>26169196
>Thank you and good luck!
I appreciate all of this. I can see that happening, as I've been in that position where I'm just reading and not posting, so I see what you mean.
This is my 2nd ever green and my 1st ever fanfic romance thing(for lack of better term). My first one I did with a friend and it was about a mercenary, so this is a pretty big change.
>>26169219
Will do!
>>26169354
>>tons
>Y-you a brit bro?
tins as in cake tins and muffin tins, for baking. Not brit.
>>26169387
>mistyped tins
>fuck me I suck
>Whoops, forgot to post this.
I took the advice and decided to pastebin this as it is so far. Might stop for today and continue tomorrow if the thread is still alive. If not then maybe I'll start a new one, as it's fun typing this and I'm wondering what'll happen next just as much as anyone else.
> http://pastebin.com/QTvzanQ5
Though, while I'm still here pondering whether or not to wait till tomorrow, anyone wanna toss an idea or two would be nice. I'm kinda doing this completely off the top, so I'm just as invested/oblivious to what'll happen as anyone else.
>>26169669
>suggestion for story ideas
AJ is the concerned friend who dislikes the idea of RD fawning over Anon as she believes he wouldn't know how to treat RD right, but she's really just jealous of Anon for the attention RD gives him. Cause tomboy love. But would rather RD be happy with Anon than unhappy with herself (AJ).
Once wise to this and the honeymoon phase of RD and Anon's new relationship wears off, Anon is faced with the choice of his own happiness with RD, or martyring himself as the bad guy, ending his relationship with RD cause he's certain she'd be happier with AJ.
>>26169798
Not bad, sounds like it'd make an interesting plot.
>>26169798
No lesbians are disgusting
>>26169967
If so, what do you propose?
Page 10
>>26169089
More when?
le bump
>>26169967
Twilight: '...that's what you weren't saying last night.'
OR:
Princess Molestia: 'You're quite right: NO lesbians is disgusting. There should ALWAYS be Lesbians.'
>>26171518
Thanks for looking out, bud.
>>26172137
Will make more in about 8 hours. I will also have more time then, so I'll make more than just 3 sections.
>>26166727
Then she will just be a bigger cunt.
>>26174926
Would be fitting for this place then no? Cunts everywhere around here.
>>26174655
Can't wait for more. And if the thread dies please start it back up to finish the story
>>26169089
"Alright good, just wanted to check in and make sure everything was set for later." Anon says nervously.
>"Mmmm, you don't look too fine, Anon, you okay?" AJ states, noticing Anon seems anxious.
"Me, what? Yeah, yeah, I'm fine, totally..." Anon says nervously.
>"What's wrong Sugar cube? You can tell me."
"Heh, it-it's uh- nothing, nothing at all. Just a little jittery for the gathering later."
>"Aww, you don't gotta be nervous now, Anon, you're doin' good for us, relax and enjoy the party later!"
"Yeah, you're right, alright thanks, AJ, see you there!" Anon states as he heads out of Apple Acres.
>"Cya, Anon!" Shouts AJ.
>'Boy, that Anon must sure have a lot on his mind, doin' all this work for Twi must seriously be takin' a toll on him.'
>>Shortly after Anon heads out, AJ gets her sister and sets off to the party.
>>Anon continues walking through the town to kill some time.
"Alright, I'm going to have to pull myself together. I don't want Dash to think I'm uncool or anything."
>>Anon checks the time an finds out that it is 6:47.
'Alright, looks like I got a minute to spare, guess I'll go check in on the party and view the mood.'
>>Anon walks over to the gathering to notice a bunch of the ponies enjoying themselves to the party.
'Mmmm, seems like people are starting to show up, I still have a minute or two until I need to meet up with Dash, so I guess I'll wait it out here then loop around back..'
Will update more soon.
Page 8 save
>>26165317
'Sup Rainbro
page 8 save
>>26175456
>>Anon takes his last few minutes to relax and maintain himself.
>"!" Anon feels someone next to him with a vibrant energetic feel.
"..?" Anon looks up to see the pony who has confronted him
>>It's Derpy, offering anon a muffin.
"Uh, yeah sure, thanks Derpy..." Anon says, confused as to why she offered him one, yet satisfied with her generosity.
>>Derpy begins to walk off.
>>Anon watches as she walks off, getting a strange feeling from her.
'There's something about that pony, I just don't know what it is.."
'Well, let's try and at least enjoy this muffin in peace...!- Blueberries, nice."
>>Party goes on while Anon is waiting for the last few minutes to slowly go by, wondering how this night will turn out.
>"Hey anon!" Exclaims Twilight.
"..? Hey, Twilight."
>"Hey, look, I just wanted to thank you again for the stuff you did for the party. It really means a lot to me."
"Oh yeah, anytime, Twi."
>"You know, Anon, you should be a bit more lively, I know you must be nervous considering that you need to--Twilight advances to a whisper--'impress Rainbow Dash'."
>>Anon is shocked for a second, wondering how Twilight knew of his date with RD.
"Wai-what, how did you know I was goi-" Anon is interrupted.
>"She told me. We met a little after you went to the Cake shop, she was extremely excited and told me about it."
"Oh, okay. Yeah, well, I'm just a little nervous. Nothing I can't handle."
>"Yeah, I know. Anyways, enjoy the party, you deserve to anyways, without you I couldn't have made it this good, we have so many ponies here, it's unbelievable, you did good, cya, Anon.
'Good to have some nice emotional support in a time like this.' Anon thinks to himself.
"Alright, time's 'bout right, guess I'll head out now and try to find Dash..."
I'm noticing the trend of story setting progression when you use >>
Makes the story read like a playwright. Very interesting. Is this purposeful?
>>26165317
>This is what waifufags believe their waifu will say to them.
>>26177175
I am using it to further separate the actions from the speaking roles. This way you can know what's happening in the story without direct narration*. It may change later throughout, though, as you may notice, the first 2 start with direct dialogue with the '>>' explaining the in between, yet the last 3 are explained both through character actions after the dialogue, and the stage directions. Best of both worlds.
>>26177281
>>26177175
To add to this, I'm also using it to provide more detail to the actions in the story than a simple conversation between two friends. It also extends the character limit enough to keep someone interested and not have me think of a bunch of lines for speech, I don't think I could do that, I'm still not even ready to climax the story yet.
>>26177034
>>Anon leaves the party to go and find Dash
"Alright, I guess she'd be over by the st-"
>"Hey Anon!"
'Huh, It's Dash' Anon thinks to himself.
>>Anon turns to meet Dash who has a big smile on her face.
"H-Hey, Dash!" Anon says, trying to swallow his fear and act natural.
"You look good, Dash." Anon says trying initiate small talk.
>"Heheh, yeah...uh- You look good too!" RD says nervously.
'Man, she must be as nervous as I am'
"Yeah, thanks. Anyhow, why don't we get going , eh?"
>"Sure."
>>Anon and Rainbow Dash walk and set out to the party where they are welcomed by Pinkie Pie and two other ponies.
>"Hiya, Anon, Hiya Rainbow !!" Shouts Pinkie.
"Hey"
>"Hey, Pinkie"
>"Hope you guys enjoy the party as much as I have !!" Pinkie says excitedly.
'Yeah, hopefully' Anon thinks to himself.
>"I bet we will. C'mon, Anon, let's get this party started!"
"Yeah you bet!"
>>The two walk within the bounds of the party and mingle and the such. Engaging in conversation with other ponies who happen to walk by, all the while maintaining interest in each other.
>>26165317
>Rainbow Dash, 18
>"solid"
>>26177759
>inb4 dance competition that they get in on
>>26178340
Haha, that'd be interesting.
>>26178517
I want it to happen.I also want Anon and Dashie to have some hot romantic sex
>>26178640
>some hot romantic sex
I have no clue how the story will play out from here, but I did title it "Anon tastes the Rainbow", so I may have to fulfill the name. Let's hope their night goes well, because bad things could happen.
page 8 save
>>26178712
Please don't go for the bad things
>>26168015
NICE TRY EGGHEAD.
>>26168079
>>26168371
>>26169089
>>26177034
>>26177759
It's good, but I was really hoping this would be a Rainbro thread where Anon stays completely oblivious for a while.
Anyone plan on doing one of those again?
>>26177759
>"So anon, what do you like the most about me?"
"Well I think you're really cool. The way you dash through the skies and bust clouds, all while leaving a beautiful mesmerizing rainbow trail."
>>Rainbow Dash smiles.
"And, well, you're really pretty, and just cool to hang out with."
>"Thanks, Anon."
>"I think your very handsome, and you have a great personality. And you're pretty awesome yourself."
>>The two smile together while maintaining and engaging conversation, just getting to know each other better than before.
>>Time advances 7:45.
>"Hey Anon, let's go for a walk."
"You sure? I mean, the party is still pretty lively"
>"Yeah, Anon, I'm sure" Says RD with an intriguing look on her face.
"Yeah, okay, let's go for it then." Says Anon, who is now going to enjoy some nice alone time with his date.
>>Anon and RD continue on a walk around the town and see some sites, engaging in even more conversation, getting into deep discussions about the wonders of life and adventure.
>"Hey, let's go over here."
"Alright, more sight seeing, cool."
>>Anon and RD slowly stop walking and begin to rest upon some rocks.
>>The two gaze up upon the night sky.
"Wow, cool, huh?"
>"Ye-yeah. It's really amazing how all of this works. Ya'know, space and stuff."
"Yeah. It makes me wonder though, what kind of mysteries are waiting to be solved further out there?"
>"I bet our old pal Twilight would know." Says RD jokingly.
"Haha, yeah, she'd probably lecture us on everything in the entire Universe just from asking a question like this."
-
"Sure is beautiful"
>"Yeah..."
"You know, I think I can think of something more beautiful than the night sky."
>>RD glances towards Anon. Feeling nervous, yet at peace.
>>The two gaze into each other's eyes.
>'Y-Yeah?'
>>A somewhat bright flash of light, something short of a glow emits from the two, a halo of sorts.
>>The two look up to see a shooting star, surprised by such an amazing sight, they then turn back to each other.
Just as I was getting back into typing and was so invested, I hit the character limit. That instantly killed my vibe.
>>26180355
Checked. Dubs and a shooting star are a sign of true love. Anon and Dashie were simply ment to be
>>26180434
>Anon and Dashie were simply ment to be
I don't know man. Just because they're meant to be, doesn't mean they will be. If you're catching my knife in a horse's back. (hint hint)
>>26180355
SEX HER
>>26180592
You mean before she dies, right?
>>26165317
>what brings you here?
This is my house.
Wtf are you doing here?
>>26169089
>6:30
>Twi ask Anon to walk half-way across town in one direction and then across town in the other direction
>Anon manages to do this in <20 minutes.
¯\_ツ_/¯
>>26180986
He runs. "I gotta dash over to Apple Acres. Heh... Dash"
http://pastebin.com/QvTZrk2x
Figured I'd make this updated pastebin as of now(everything completely combined), in case anything happens. Though, I will continue tomorrow regardless the state of this thread, so if it dies, do not fret, I will attempt at a revival unless someone else does. Expect more in about 14 hours. Maybe Anon will finally taste the Rainbow. Hope everyone enjoyed the 4 sections I've put out today.
Page 10
page 8
I'll save this from the depths of page 10 for now. Hopefully it lives to see the next 7 hours, there, the juicy conclusion to our adventure awaits.
>>26165317
>In a friend way
>>26165317
I thought that I'd take my marefriend out for a bite to eat, y'know, the pony right next to me? So, anyway could you please take our orde-Oh it's you Dash, sorry, I've just been forgetting that you exist so much that when I saw your dumb face I just assumed that your were a worthless background pony. Never talk to me again unless I talk to you first...understand? And stop that "shy kawaii schoolgirl" schlock, you've been used like a glory hole by every stallion in Equestria and everyone knows it. You're a dirty, used little slut and what is up still with that dumb rainbow mane? For God's sake, you're like in your mid-20's now. It's time to grow up. Just go.
bumps
>>26168079
>lol
You look pathetic after saying that newfag
>>26186421
Haha, yeah I know, that was the point behind the entire 'pathetic' part. Hope this reply doesn't make me seem even more pathetic, lol.
>>26180355
>"A shooting star..." Says RD seductively
"Yeah, make a wish..."
>>The two slowly learn further towards eachother...
>>*BANG* A loud noise is heard. A Mixture of glass shattering and a bullet being shot, or so RD experiences it this way....
>"AAAHH!" Rainbow Dash screams as she sees Anon plopped over now leaking blood from his skull.
>"A-an-anon! ANON! Oh my gosh, ohmygosh!" Exclaims Rainbow as she's screaming and crying, not knowing what to do in this situation.
>"No, no, Anon, don't leave me! Please Anon, stay with me!" She screams.
-
>>Rainbow Dash looks around and notices a medium sized figure in the dark.
>"HEY! Just who the he-" She stops suddenly noticing it is in fact...
>"A-Apple Jack?! Wha-why!?" Rainbow is now bursting into tears, letting out uncontrollable screams.
>"I'm sorry Rainbow, but it had to be like this. Anon as a no good backstabbin' liar. He was planning leading you away from town so he can kill you. I did this to protect you."
>"NO! You're lying AJ, you're lying!" Rainbow screams at the top of her lungs.
>"No... But you never lie... y-you can't lie. But how can I-, I mean, he was so nice..." Rainbow's voice goes down a pitch, she's now in regret and disbelief.
>"It's alright, come here, I'll take you home."
>>The two walk off, leaving Anons lifeless body on the floor.
>"At least the stars is beautiful tonight..." AJ claims, trying to sooth RD.
>"No... Nothing is beautiful, not anymore...."
>>End
>>26186780
top kek m89 i lulled
>>26168079
>>26168371
>>26169089
>>26175456
>>26177034
>>26177759
>>26180355
>>26180355
>>26186780
Anon chased the Rainbow, but what he found wasn't a pot of gold. He realized that tasting the rainbow sucks and M&Ms are better than skittles.
>Pic related
Please leave a response and opinion on the current state of the story. Feedback is always important. Also reminder that there may be an alternate ending if requested, hopefully. I didn't want it to end this way, but found it fitting nonetheless.
>>26186873
Ending was shit teir
>>26186895
Expect something else. The ending was something I thought of earlier while not by my CPU. I was wondering when to end it, during the kiss, or after and expanding, then I had a wonderful idea "How funny would it be if Anon died right as he was about to achieve his goal!"
I found the idea hilarious. I will make an updated ending though, you don't make a decent story then give it a huge turn in the complete opposite direction, that's fucked.
>>26165317
PLEASE FART ON MY FACE PLSSSSSSSS
>>26186940
Thank you
>>26169089
mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm
>>26166727
gentleman and a scholar.
Page 10
>>26180355
>"A shooting star..." Says RD seductively
"Yeah, make a wish..."
>>The two slowly learn further towards each other...
>>Their hearts, which were once pounding, now seemingly came to rest, synchronizing.
>>Anon places his hand on RD's cheek, gently pulling them closer together.
>Their eye's now closed, lean in for the final time.
>>The night sky shines bright once again as the two both initiate a kiss with one another.
>Their lips interlock, gently caressing the others.
>>A long passionate kiss, which seemingly lasted forever for the both of them, now came to a rest.
>The two lean back a little, staring into each other's eyes.
>>They now rest their foreheads against one another.
"Heh, how was it?" Says Anon, confidently yet jokingly.
>"It was like a wish come true."
>>End
>>26188682
10/10 much better ending
>>26188682
>http://pastebin.com/qAXRZdZD
Updated pastebin. The entire thing including the happy ending.
Hope you all enjoyed it as much as I have.
>>26188762
Thanks, m8, I appreciate it.
Final bump to bump them all.
>http://pastebin.com/qAXRZdZD
Just to throw the story to anyone else that wants a green to kill a decent 10 minutes or so.
