New Year Edition!
Previous thread: >>25851865
Ponies that have a hard time conveying their emotions in a healthy way.
Current Writefrags:
http://pastebin.com/u/RiggyRag
http://pastebin.com/u/Fruitanon
http://pastebin.com/u/AnalPlugAnon
http://pastebin.com/u/Hellmeister
http://pastebin.com/u/tsunguywriter
brandnewwritefag too!
Pictures and Green welcome! N-Not because we like it. We just want to b-bump the thread is all. We're not ENJOYING it.
>>25975125
Woo, I made it. Now back to horse things.
B-bump
geez that thread header is amazing
Riggy is truly a kind and generous king
I have to help someone with a project today, but when I get back I'll be posting stuff.
>>25975125
No
is yandere
>>25978591
everybody hype
>Be Anon
>Your sitting at the front desk with your legs crossed on it.
>It's always like this each Sunday.
>The room glitters to an orange tint as the day comes to an end.
>Who reads these books anyway.
>You take a swing around to the bookshelf.
>'Rigs the Rag', the children's book of cleaning up, this one's pretty popular around the block, who doesn't know this book.
>'Fruity ft. Anon', you remember this one had some pretty good fruits, they even had you try some out when writing up the book.
>'Anon tries to Analplu-'
>You put the book down.
>A shiver goes down your spine.
"Maybe some other day. A day that will never come."
>'The Hell Meister', this one looks pretty cool. The cover has some kind of schoolgirl pony wielding a demon scythe, and the scythe is also a pony.
>'Tsunguy writes dere', A cute and struggling story a tsundere guy pony who only shows his dere side in notes. It seems like that one is the most popular right now.
>Going back to your desk, you sigh.
>You flip back your head, the light shining in your eye as you directly look into the sun causing you to internally regret saying that you like having longer days to Celestia just so you could have more time to delay buying groceries before the day ended.
>Now it feels like the sun hangs longer in the afternoon.
>I guess not everything is bad though.
>You get at least one pony who comes every Sunday to 'check out' if you're doing your job correctly.
>She also happen to be there when you said you liked longer days.
>You think you mentioned something about twilight being your favorite part of the day.
>Ironically. Because of the vegetables.
>You think you might have said that wrong when Twilight was actually there with you.
>Now in the literally sense you get your very own 'Twilight Time'.
>Thinking of which-
>*Ding*
>It's the purple pone herself.
>>25979887
>She strides into the library with a leather bag and sits down near one of the bookcases and window, setting down the bag as well.
>"Anon, as you know, I am here to make sure that, you, are keeping this library clean and in top shape for customers."
"Yeah, I know."
>You stare at her, waiting for her next words.
>"Um, is there a problem?"Pic related
"No, not really."
>She then starts to pout. Cute.
>"Dont you have anything to say to a princess coming to visit you?"
"Did you do something with your hair? It looks pretty."
>"W-What? Why would you say t-that?!"
>She then proceeds to hide her now currently pinkish face with her wings.
"Because it looks nice, any stallion would be lucky if they were with you."
>"I-I think you are trying to make me off track here! Lets carry on with the inspection!"
"Okay."
>She then proceeds to look through the various bookcases around the library, occassinally making glances in your direction.
>After she finishes, she pulls out a book out of her bag and sets it down on the table.
>"I'd also like to return this from last week."
"Did you enjoy the book?
>"Yes!"
>She says this quite excitedly.
>"'Brandnew writes fags' was an interesting story sequel to 'Tsunguy writes dere'. I also liked when the main character went into-"
>You listen to the purple pone for what seem like hours.
>Smiling, you reach over to pick her up and give her a hug.
>"Huh!?, Hey!"
"You might have become a princess, but you'll still be my favorite purple pone."
>She was struggling before but after that line she stops.
>"...Idiot."
>Maybe you'll like these days longer.
>>25979904
>'The Hell Meister', this one looks pretty cool. The cover has some kind of schoolgirl pony wielding a demon scythe, and the scythe is also a pony.
Been lurking here since the first thread and its pretty damn comfy, mind if I become o'hana ?
>>25980933
Dubs says you can. Everyone's welcome here.
>>25979887
>'Rigs the Rag', the children's book of cleaning up, this one's pretty popular around the block, who doesn't know this book.This isn't the first story I've been referenced as a cleaning tool. I love it though.
>>25980933
>Implying you weren't already part of the O'hana just because you're lurking.
You were a part of this O'hana as soon as you decided you wanted to be part of it. But, let me formally say Welcome.
I'm still busy for a couple hours, this project is pretty time consuming,
>>25979904
>"'Brandnew writes fags' was an interesting story sequel to 'Tsunguy writes dere'.
I got that reference! I love you too, Anon.B-baka.
>>25979887
>>25979904
Darn, it's... good.
This is a scary thread.
>>25982480
right?
emotions are terrifying
S-saved!
Page 10 save
Alright, so I'm the anon who wrote
>>25979887
>>25979904
as my first story.
I'm very happy that you guys liked it and would like any criticism to improve my writing, that would be greatly appreciated.Besides that first Your which is wrongI'm so embarrassed about that
>>25986141
Well question, was that last line correct or not, cause it doesn't make sense to me, did you mean Maybe you'll stay like this longer? or maybe I'm just reading it wrong. I dunno.
>>25986254
I made that line like that since I wrote before that Celestia made the days longer and anon was bored about it because it meant he has to work longer. (at the beginning)
But when Twilight comes to visit him, he's glad that the days are longer since he gets to spend more time with her before the day ends.
>>25986330
Okay that makes more sense but then shouldn't it say maybe you'll like these longer days?
>>25986402
Ah, you're right that does make more sense.
I might need to double-take some lines that I write.
>>25986519
It's cool, other than that, I really enjoyed it. Twas cutes.
I think Riggy fell asleep again.
>>25988319
Sleep tight rigger.
>>25975125
I'm disappointed by the lack of lewd.
Soon.
Tsundere Trixie!
>You removed your insulated Ursa Major mask and take a seat, sighing with relief.
>The enthusiastic cheers of the crowd outside the caravan are actually calling for an encore.
"Pretty good show today, right, Trix?"
>Your travelling partner glances up from her crate of magician hats with a pout.
>"Trixie told you to stop calling her that!"
>You shrug and grasp the zipper on your chest, fumbling with the small tab through the fuzzy fingers of the bear costume.
>This night's show had you dress up as a mythical forest beast to fake-fight Trixie, and it turned out to be a real success!
>Though you think she might have been a little too eager to blast you with spells.
>The zipper is halfway down to your belt when Trixie looks at you and gasps.
>"G-gah!" She cries, throwing around her hooves. "Trixie does not want to s-see your...y-your human parts!"
>You turn towards the panicking filly and watch her flail about, confused.
"Huh?...I'm wearing pants underneath."
>"Just change s-somewhere else!" Trixie insists, levitating over a rolled-up poster with her unicorn magic and smacking you in the head.
"Ow! Quit hitting me with th- ow, fine!"
>You pull up the bear suit and waddle away as fast as the padded legs allow you.
>"Trixie refuses to stare at your...c-chest, and the muscles, and the a-arms!" She squeaks. "Trixie r-refuses!"
>Her agitated hollering continues long after you've shut the door of the bunk-room.
-
>Once you're dressed and no longer encased in a bear-shaped heatwave simulator, you notice Trixie has finished packing up the supplies.
>She's sitting at the entrance of the caravan and taking notes about the performance, like she always does.
>As you wander next to her and take a seat, she glances at you icily.
>"Ah, about time," Trixie huffs, tapping her pen against an open page impatiently. "Trixie has thought of a new and exciting act for the show!"
>She tosses you the notebook, and you read the paragraph circled in red.
>>25990384
>It mostly involves you getting beat up by heavy props and Trixie stomping on your face.
"Not too sure about this one, actually."
>"What could possibly be wrong with it?"
"Well, what does it have to do with magic?"
>"Hmph. Trixie will revise it, then," She notes. "N-not that Trixie has taken your opinion into account!"
>You notice a blurb in tiny cursive writing at the top of the page.
>You squint and lean in closer to make out the words.
>"Trixie had already planned to change it in the first place!" The magician filly explains haughtily. "So you see, Trixie is always one step ahead!"
>You blink and raise your eyebrows, gazing between Trixie and the book.
>"...What?"
"Note to self- Anonymous performed really well today. Even I was impressed by his commitment and skill..."
>Trixie's eyes open wide with realization.
>"Dooon't read t-thaaaaaaat!" Trixie squeals, grabbing for the notebook. "I-I command you to s-stop!"
"...Also, as a side note, he looked kind of cute in his bear outfit-"
>She leaps on your chest, knocking you onto your back and sending the papers flying.
>"Y-you big, dumb-"
"W-wait! Come on, I thought I was cute-"
>The mare jumps repeatedly on you, a shade of bright pink, magician hat askew on her mane.
>"loathsome, insolent...foolish-...i-idiot...human!"
-
>It takes a half-serious apology and some steamed vegetables for her to forgive you.
>Even after that she's still adorably pouty and indignant, refusing to communicate in more than short sentences.
>Not too different from calm, not-mad Trixie, actually.
>The evening winds down, and eventually she casts a locomotion spell on the caravan to get going.
>The caravan rolls itself slowly along the bumpy roads outside of Manehattan, rocking back and forth gently.
>You glance back at your travelling companion, who has fallen asleep on the couch by the window.
>A little drool is gathering at her lip, and her cheek is flat against the armrest.
>>25990394
>Strands of her pastel-and-cerulean mane are stuck carelessly across her forehead with sweat.
>The magician getup she usually has on is instead rolled around her shoulders like a blanket.
>She's kind of adorable, when she's not yelling at you.
>You quietly pad over and sit on the couch, thinking about what she wrote in the notebook.
>It made you unreasonably happy to recall the words over and over.
>You sigh, quite loudly.
>Trixie stirs from her sleep, drearily gazes around, and notices you.
>"Oh...Anonymous," She mumbles, slowly climbing upright. "...You're still up?"
"Sorry, did I wake you?"
>"No," She yawns, stretching out her rear. "Aaaah...I'm not sleepy yet."
>The azure-coated filly slowly lowers herself into your side, wrapping your arm around her with her hooves.
"Huh? You...want me to hug you?"
>"D-don't be stupid," Trixie hums, a pink tint on her muzzle. "Just...keep Trixie warm for a while..."
>You shrug and pull her a little nearer.
>It was pretty cold.
>She sighs contentedly and yawns again.
>"I'm not sleepy," She halfheartedly repeats. "Trixie doesn't need sleep..."
>The two of you lay in silence for a moment, and you absentmindedly stroke the tuft of fluffy hair on her chest.
"Say, Trix..."
>She groans.
"I don't suppose you meant what you wrote about me."
>"D-don't get any funny ideas," Trixie huffs. "And don't call me Trix."
>You smile a little and close your eyes.
>"...S-some of it's true," She pipes. "Some!"
>You scoot her much closer and scratch her ear.
>...
"I think you're kind of cute, too-"
>"S-stupid, idiot- dumb- foolish-!"
>Being Trixie's assistant is pretty great, actually.
>>25990399
Like it!
>>25989035
There's your lewd.
>>25990399
Oh god my heart! Call the hospital!
>>25990399
The HNNNNNNNNNG is real
>>25990399
This is pretty good, please continue.
>>25975125
bump from the great beyond.
My, aside from that adorable Trixie green, It's kind of barren in here.
>>25994855
One day there will be fresh, long, green. The holidays slow writefriendsdown.
Yeahh... I fell asleep yesterday. But, on the bright side, I got an idea for a story on my way back from work.
I'll be writing after dinner.
>>25990781
>>25992011
>>25992128
>>25992244
Thanks for the feedback! I really appreciate it.
>>25995186
>tfw I can't come up with story ideas on my own
That's awesome, though. I can't wait to see what it is.
>>25995869
>tfw I can come up with story ideas but I can't flesh them out for shit
I've been trying to write this story for 2 days but I have gotten no where.
>>25996114
Damn, man. That sucks.
Well, don't give up is my advice. You'll hit a breakthrough eventually.
>>25995869
Here's an idea for you:Anon becomes Mayor Mare's assistant at town hall because he can use typewriters wicked fast thanks to his fingers. She develops feelings for him, but after he commits a faux pas at a formal event, it would be embarrassing to be seen with him.
This leads to an inner conflict where the Mayor has to decide to remain a respectable public figure, or indulge herself in a scandalous relationship with the lovable town oaf: Anonymous.
You can use that, I just made it up.
>>25996114
You're probably too critical about what you come up with!Probably, I mean I don't know what's REALLY going on.I suggest writing down literally any story line you can come up with, no matter how lame, and just start adding details to them. Flesh them out slowly, no matter how ridiculous or stupid they may be. You'd be surprised by how great some ideas actually are if you give them a chance....Just like people, actually.
I'm writing now! I came up with a second story while running!
>>25996790
Eh, I kinda wanna focus on the story I've got right now, first. I'll be open to ideas after I finish it.I'll keep that idea though, I could use it
Mobile rigs here.
My Internet is down again. I hate my home internet. I hope it returns soon.
Pic is what I've been staring at for two hours.
I want to draw things
Request away. Will take time.
>>25975125
Sailor Dashie is too cute.
>>25998376
I have a very close relationship with that notification
>>25999131
Alright, see you guys around
>>25999131
Tsundere Sunset Shimmer as animu as you can manage
>>25999131
Tsun Limestone saying she doesn't like Anon's cuddles but actually enjoying them.
Bed time bump.
I-woke-up-two-hours-ago-and-am-trying-to-go-back-to-sleep bump
>chocolate_pudding.jpg
>>25999131
I'll toss in an idea: Luna waking Anon up in the middle of the night because she wants to spend time with him, but tries to pass it off as wanting him to experience the night more.'T-tis incorrect you should assume We made this sky merely for yourself, Anon!
>>26002546
>not going nocturnal for moonbutt
I really hope my internet returns today.
How is everyone today? I feel I've been absent from my O'hana for an eternity.
>>26005072
Pretty tired, but happy.
>That pic
>Delicious, vintage memes
Damnit, I'm hungry now.
>>26005162
...Huh.
I could've sworn that was a gif. Silly me.
>>26005072
Pretty ok.
>>26005162
Tired and happy is the way to be!
>>26005187
Just ok?
>>26005225
Yup, nothing bad's happening but nothin all that good either. In the process of moving for the 4th time in 4 years, but back to near where I grew up in Denver, which is nice.
Nope page 9 is not a place we wanna be.
Page 10 bump
>>26007114
Page 9
>>26005072
Y'know how I made that one post really early about waking up?Still haven't gotten to sleep yet.Now my house is infested with nephews that missed the initial holidays, they hurt themselves five minutes after unboxing, and it's official that they're keeping my console and all its 7-years of data. And for an extra kick in the teeth, one of my big TF2 trades got cancelled just short of the escrow confirmation period and the guy is on vay-cay.WAKE ME UP INSIDE
Silver lining though, I found a nice thread to lurk started by an aspiring artist who is pretty damn skilled. And I've still got a beagle to snuggle, which is always nice.
>>26008199
>still being involved with tf2 trading
>>26008199
What do you mean they hurt themselves? Why are they taking your console?
>>26008350
Eh, it's a past-time.
>>26008498
Since you asked nicely, I'll try to keep my blogpost rant as short as I can without leaving things out.
Apparently having two iPads and a computer to watch Minecraft and Digi/Pokemon videos on isn't enough entertainment for them, so their mother (my oldest sister) asked if they could have my console as I wasn't using it muchand I can't say no without 1. immediate insinuation that I'm a selfish asshole for NOT wanting to spoil children even more rotten, and 2. them going along with the idea without my permission anyway. Besides, if a grown-ass man objects to having their property given away to snot-nosed kids, apparently he's the one that needs to mature.Yes I know this is little girl's cartoon horse board but my point still stands.
As for hurting themselves, apparently all six of my nephews have constant nominations for Darwin Awards. Today's example was that three of them got plastic TMNT stuff for belated-Christmas, and within ten minutes one of them got hit hard enough to fall over and start crying. It took all of five minutes for it to happen again because of course no one thinks to take the toy weapons away from the childrens.
That should be all of my rant. Tl;dr: kids were ruined for me ten years ago and my opinion of them isn't changing any time soon.
>>26008941
If is it isn't too personal, I know you said you'd be called a selfish, immature asshole by your sister, but why don't you just tell her to fuck off? Isn't 7 years of memories worth it? Call me retarded if I'm wrong but your second reason you're saying they'll just take it anyways(?) Can't you just hide it?
>>26009077
...That's actually a very good point and I'm a tremendous dumbass for not thinking of it myself.
Of course now the problem is that the "exchange" has already happened, which is why them having it is "official" as opposed to just "on loan" or something. "My" console is already at their homeand most likely not being handled properly if their past track record with it is anything to go bywhile the replacement I was gifted to make up for itwhy they didn't just buy it for them I have no ideais right here.
There was also a little speech given by their mother to go with the present in front of Huey, Dewey, and Louie that the one they have is now theirs and the one I've got is now mine, so between the kids possibly being able to notice the difference in data files in spite of all the flak I give them and myself not wanting to cause "unnecessary" problems over material possessions, this is at least a quarter of a pickle.
I'll go and pester people about it despite my judgement though, worst case is they'll like me even less and I won't get what I want.Now if only your advice came in rhyme, then I could thank Iron Will Anon for making me more assertive. Instead I'll just thank you Anon for giving me advice where everyone else just said "well that sucks."
>>26009542
I can't tell if that was sarcastic or notsorry if that was rudebut if it wasn't no problem man good luck on your endeavors. If it was then sorry for sounding retarded I didn't mean to.
>>26009542
Good job! Godspeed not-anon.
Mobile Rigs here
>>26009542
Well Doc, it seems it's too late to set tight. In my experience, often family forgets to appreciate the older children. But don't worry, we appreciate you here. Nothing will ever change that.
I'm fixing my internet tomorrow while my parents are away. The router is in their room and they are currently sleeping. Fortunately I don't have my internship tomorrow, so I've got time to fix it.
Can I go back to my college internet yet?
Nightly bed time bumps.
>>26009542
If you're talking about Xbox or Playstation consoles - I don't know what you're referring to - you could always "offer" to swap the hard drives or memory cards back, since you want to play a game that was on your old console (make up an excuse to get your old save files back, IDK). If you don't get that, then tell them to fuck themselves (in whatever way you choose). They're treating you like shit, they're family, they shouldn't have done that.
Besides which, it lowers the likelihood of anything like this happening again. If they're used to treating you like a doormat they'll treat you like a doormat more in the future.
>>26009542
Fuck your family, tell them you want your shit back, and that her spoiled brats don't deserve a second gen like a ps1 let alone your stuff.
>>25990384
>>25990394
>>25990399
Really good.
>>26014334
Bump
bump
Damn. I've been too tired recently.
Got this assignment to finishthat I really should be doing right now. Sorry, guys. Can't do a story yet.
It feels kinda bad to leave the thread like this. Is everyone just...Busy?
>>26019289
I'm busy doing nothing all day.
>>26016848
Bump
>>26019289
Busy lurking.
Page 8 already?
Not on my digital watch.
had to be done
>>26023007
Tsundereplone when?
>>26023007
What the fuck?
>>26023007Disgusting anthro version
Brumb
Can I bump for good ol' times?
>Be Anon.
>Be at home.
>Rainbow's here too.
>"Anon, you are dumb."
"Haha, you're cute, no fuckin though."
>"Curses, I'll be back!"
>She leaves.
>Fin
Bump
>>26025450
The greatest green of our time. I could never hope to compare.
>>26025307
>>26025467
Please bump with stories.
>>26025505
I...I-I say. Well, since you put it like that, I...Guess I should try writing a story.N-not because I like Nightmare Moon x Chrysalis or anything...B-brainiac
>>26025505
Thinking about it.
>>26025450
Oh, gods!
>>26025515
YOU SHOULD BRING THE GREEN.
>>26025671
No U!
>>25975125
bump
>>26025671
Attempting to bring said green.
This part is gonna be a firey one.
Writers are asleep.
Time tohug O'hana
>>26026869
Impressive flesh pillar.
I'm still trying to write this fucking story. I slept for like 15 hours yesterday and then went to playMTG.so I didn't get anytihng done yesterday. Here's to hoping I get some inspiration today.
It's too bumpy here. I wrote a short story for you guys!
>Tea rolls between your lips and tingles against your tongue.
>Mmm. Earl Gray.
>The mellow, warm flavor mixes with just a hint of lemon and rejuvinates your weary self.
>Yes, as the weeks go by you find yourself more an more tired with each passing day.
>So on a lazy Saturday afternoon, a small cup of weak tea really hits the spot.
>You smile with your eyes closed, savoring the subtle, yet prominent tang.
>Your eyes open and greet the stern eyes sitting opposite of you, unmoving and solid like stone.
>A sigh escapes your lips.
>The tea is good, the company... not so much.
>Fluttershy looks a little away from you, trying not to make direct eye contact.
>Silence is all you've got to accompany your tea.
>But that isn't surprising, you saw it coming when you accepted Fluttershy's invitation again.
>You get a heart felt letter, written delicately by mouth, explaining how she wouldn't mind if you came by to have a tea party.
>It really does take the whole letter for her to get to the point where she actually invites you.
>She always prefaces it with plenty of disclaimers and excuses as to why you should come by.
> 'The birds wish to see you' 'The squirrels seem like they miss you' 'Angel is wondering when you're coming back'
>The list goes on and on.
>And every time you come by, you sit down and drink tea, occasionally trying to start a conversation.
>And every time Fluttershy sits opposite of you with an odd, almost frustrated, look on her face in total silence.
>You speak to her, but the most you've ever gotten out of her was a nod.
>You've thought about just not coming, but everyone says Fluttershy is really great when she comes out of her shell.
>Guess you should have seen it coming, after all her name is Flutter-SHY
>But the way she acts is less shy and more... stern?
>Who knows at this point?
>>26029184
>You don't try to talk any more, you just enjoy the tea.
>The sun dives behind a darker cloud, making the already dim light fade a bit more.
>Fluttershy continues to steal glances while never expressing any more emotion than aggravated boredom.
>The animals around the little cottage seem almost sedated. They don't make too much noise, and move very little.
>Maybe it's just the cloudy day, but you doubt it.
>It seems like each visit you make gets more and more surreal.
>You lean back in your chair.
>Fluttershy blinks slowly and takes a sip of tea gracefully.
>You stare at the ceiling for a moment and look back to her.
>Her eyes lock with yours then look off to your left again.
>You raise your eyebrow.
>Another talking attempt feels like it's coming up.
>But you'll have to talk about something interesting, something she'll feel obligated to respond to with actual words.
>Just chatting about the weather won't cut it, and talking about work is old hat.
>You'll need something more prodding than that.
>... well.
>You may as well speak your mind, right?
"So, why do you REALLY invite me here, Fluttershy?" you ask suddenly.
>Your voice shoves through the silence, filling the room with something more than just the occasional sipping of tea.
>Fluttershy's eyes remain stern, but widen a great degree.
>Her ears pin themselves.
>That's not the reaction you were expecting, but it is a reaction nonetheless.
>Usually you just get the same stare as always.
>You'll have to keep digging.
"I mean, you invite me here, you let me in, we drink tea, then I scram. Where's the part that YOU enjoy?" you inquire.
>Fluttershy's widened eyes dart momentarily to the animals around the room.
>You shake your head.
"I don't buy that it's your animals, if I'm honest." you say, leaning forward in your chair, "I never even get near them. There's gotta be some other reason."
>>26029196
>Fluttershy starts to shrink a little, bowing her head and not making eye contact with you.
>She remains silent, and her eyes still appear flustered.
>You sigh at her continued lack of participation.
>You've heard her voice before, but never directed towards you.
>Only in passing as she talks to her friends.
>You almost lust for it, honestly. She has such a sweet voice.
>For once, you'd like her to shrug off her cold rejection of your conversation and address you like a person she cares about.
>Unfortunately, today really doesn't seem the day.
"Come on Fluttershy, I'm trying here. Just contribute SOMETHING." you plead.
>Her head dips in her shoulders, and she continues to look at the floor.
>Her face has started to become red.
>It grows quickly, and you can actually see a little sweat roll down her brow.
>Whatever you're making her feel, it isn't positive.
>What are you even doing here?
>You sigh and take one last sip of tea before standing.
>She seems surprised by your sudden rising.
"I'm sorry Fluttershy. I'm just gonna... cut this tea party short. I'm not really feeling it right now." you say, scratching the back of your head.
>Her lack of responses weighs on you heavily, and you feel depressed as you grab your jacket from the back of the chair.
>For a pony that has never said a word to you, she sure can make you feel shitty.
>It's a mixture of feeling unwanted, and feeling angry with all the effort you put into talking to her.
>You know Fluttershy is a good gal once she warms up to you...
>But at this point... you're not sure it's worth the effort.
>You're not sure if you'll get another invitation, and if you do you're not sure if you'll come.
>There are better things you could be doing...
>You put on your jacket and look at Fluttershy one more time.
>She sits low in her seat, not moving very much.
>Her hair covers her eyes, and you can't see much of her face anymore.
>Guess that's the end of that.
>>26029217
"Uh... see you around... Fluttershy." you say weakly.
>You turn and grab the handle of her door.
>You pull it open to the dreary day outside.
>A twang of pain throbs from your core.
>It's never fun to go from one depressing scene to another but... here you are.
>You close the door behind you and step onto the snowy ground.
>The snow has been compacted and dirtied from many hooves and feet that tread over it.
>It hasn't snowed in awhile, but it hasn't been warm enough to melt what you already had.
>You sigh out a wisp of breath into the crisp air.
>The outside is just as silent as the inside.
>At least the crunch of the snow beneath your feet can keep you company as you try to cheer yourself up.
>You crunch down the snowy path towards the main road.
>Your hands sit in your jacket pockets, and your head tilts down towards the floor.
>This really shouldn't bother you as much as it does.
>But you feel tangled up inside, and everything somehow feels taut.
>As you make it halfway down the hill, a sudden thump from behind startles you.
>You turn around to see the source of the noise.
>The door to Fluttershy's cottage has slammed open, and Fluttershy herself is sprinting down the hill towards you.
>She seems to have put on some winter apparel, but not a lot.
>She is wearing only one boot, and her scarf isn't on right, but she's out her nonetheless.
>With immense momentum, she breaks herself just before you.
>The snow beneath her causes her to bump into your legs before scrambling to her hooves.
>You look down at her in surprise.
>She looks up at you with terrified eyes.
>They seem to have teared up as well.
>>26029232
>At first, the two of you stare at each other in silence as always.
>But suddenly Fluttershy opens her mouth.
>Through incredible shivers and uncontrollable spasms, she attempts to speak.
>"T-T- Tuhhh T-T-" she stutters before closing her eyes, "T-Turn around, p-p-please."
>Her sweet voice flows through your ears and pours into your being.
>It warms your cheeks, and makes you gasp a little.
>She continues to keep her eyes closed.
>"P-Please d-don't f-face me r-r-right now." she says in a near squeak.
>You tilt your head in confusion, but does as she asks.
>You turn your back to her and stare ahead on the snowy path.
>She pulls at the back of your coat.
>You assume she wants you to sit.
>Normally you wouldn't sit in dirty snow with just jeans on, but this is a special occasion.
>After all, Fluttershy actually spoke to you!
>You sit down on the ground, propping your elbows up on your knees.
>You feel Fluttershy sit down just behind you.
>"Th-Thank you." she says, notably calmer.
>Silence comes between the two of you again, but it's soon ended by her.
>"I r-really like it when you v-visit, Anon." she says finally.
>You feel yourself smile as her soothing voice finishes the sentence.
>"I-I have trouble t-talking to you when you're w-with me." she admits, "B-Because I... um... I..."
>She trails off at the end, but you start to get the gist of it.
>You sit patiently, waiting for her to speak again.
>You're surprised when two arms wrap around you from behind instead.
>You feel Fluttershy's face press against the middle of your back.
>She shivers a little at first, but soon becomes calm again.
>The embrace holds onto more than just your body.
>It locks your entire being in place, keeping it still.
>Your heartbeat slows, and your breathing becomes quiet.
>The cold around you becomes nothing more than background noise as your warm body remains petrified.
>>26029248
>Fluttershy sighs, stilling holding you close.
>"I-If it's not too much to ask... would you mind... um... coming back? Please?" she whispers to you.
>You smirk.
"Of... Of course." you say in a low voice.
>Fluttershy lets out a shaky sigh.
>"Thank you." she says very clearly.
>You nod.
"You're welcome." you respond.
>She releases her embrace.
>"Just... um... don't turn around until I'm back in the cottage, okay?" she says.
>You chuckle.
"Sure."
>"Oh, good. Thank you." she says delicately.
>The crunching of snow behind you starts to distance itself back towards the cottage.
>The hug may have been broken, but you can still feel those arms wrapped around you.
>So you intimidated her when the two of you sat staring at each other.
>You suppose that does make sense, if she's shy with normal ponies she was bound to be more shy with a big human like yourself.
>But... she rushed out here to get you, despite her shyness.
>And while you wish you could face her while the two of you conversed, you at least owe her a little more patience.
>So for now, you'll face away when the two of you talk.
>The crunches of snow slow in the distance.
>And after some time, perhaps the two of you will talk face to face.
>The door creaks open behind you.
>And then... who knows.
>She never did finish answering your question.
>But she didn't just let you leave.
>And that speaks more than any words she could muster.
>The door slams against the cottage, and you stand once more.
>You take a moment and brush yourself off.
>You look up at the gray sky contrasting the dark, naked tree branches that reach deep for the clouds.
>You sigh and watch your white breath fade into the air.
>This feels like the start of something.
>You turn and walk towards up the path.
>The snow crunches beneath your feet.
>Your heart thumps in your chest.
>And your smile is so large it makes your cheeks hurt.
>Or maybe that's just the cold.
>>26029184
Based Riggy has come home. Welcome writefriend
>>26029266
Glad to be back!
>>26029259
That's all there is to this short little one shot.
Trust me, it took everything I had to NOT turn this into a massive story.
>Something hard hits your head and rouses you from your sleep
>you lean up from your comfortable spot on the couch and a CD case falls into your lap
>"Keep that dreadful music to yourself, Anon!"
"Sorry, Octi. Where'd you find it?"
>"It was DEFILING my table. To think that such an uncouth album should sit beside my Beethoven and Debussy. And stop calling me Octi!"
>you look down at the CD.
>Positive Dairy Motel.
>"Uncouth?" you think to yourself.
>You shrug and get up from the couch.
"What are you up to?"
>"Hm. Well if you must know, I just finished recording a piece."
>you walk over to her desk and drape your arms over her shoulders
>She gasps and her face turns a shade of scarlet. Her mouth opens to chastise you but, for a moment, nothing comes out.
>finally she manages "Y-you absolute villain! You treacherous nincompoop! What on earth do you think you're doing??"
"Just wanted to get a better look at your work, Octi."
>She shrugs your arms off her shoulders.
>"Hmph. I doubt very much that getting closer would make any difference to someone as uncultured as yourself," she replies curtly.
>you lean down and blow in her ear
>Her eyes go wide and she gasps louder than before
>blushing an even deeper scarlet, she yells "You animal! You are absolutely insufferable, anon!"
>you shrug again.
>>26029668
"Are you sure you didn't throw that CD at me to get my attention?"
>"And why on Earth would I want YOUR attention?" she grumbles.
"Oh I don't know, maybe to listen to your recording?"
>She looks away. The way she's squirming in her seat, however, tells you you've hit the mark.
>"Th-there's no way someone like you could possibly give me any sort of constructive criticism."
>you wait for her to continue
>"But I suppose it would save me some time tracking down an actual musician to listen to it. I guess you can listen to it if you want."
>you pick the headphones up off the desk
>"Remember, I'm doing this out of convenience! I-It's not like I care what you think or anything."
>she presses the play button
>As the music plays you notice her stealing glances at you from the corner of her eye.
>Finally the music stops and you replace the headphones on the desk.
>"Well? W-What did you think?"
>you look her straight in the eyes
"It was beautiful, Octi."
>you say it with complete sincerity
>She looks startled. She breaks away from your gaze and goes back to staring at the computer.
>"...y-you're such an idiot."
>you lean in and hug her, but this time she doesn't push away.
>
>as you're getting ready for bed you peek into the living room and see Octavia hard at work on her computer.
"Whatcha doin, Octi?"
>"Just working on the tracks I recorded earlier," she replies.
>you walk over and throw an arm around her shoulder
"Feeling motivated, are we?"
>She looks away. "Maybe I am, just a little," she answers. "But it definitely wasn't because of your silly hug."
>you smile and muss up her hair.
"Alright, Octi. Good luck, I'm heading off to bed. Night!"
>Her head is still turned and she won't look at you
>you walk to the bedroom door. As you open it you hear a faint, nearly imperceptible "n-night"
>>26029681
>you're awoken by Octavia collapsing onto the bed
>you rub your eyes and move closer to her
"Were you up all night, Octi?"
>for a while all you hear is her breathing, and you wonder if she has fallen asleep
>after a while though she rolls over to face you and, in a dreamy voice, says "Yes. They're all done now. Perfect because of you, Anon."
>Now it's your turn to blush a little
"Thanks, Octi."
>She snuggles a little closer to you and you notice that she's holding the album she had thrown at you earlier.
"What's this Octi?"
>"I thought I could try listening to it with you.. P-purely for educational purposes, of course."
>you reach up and slip the CD in the player then settle back down in the bed
>Octavia curls up against you
>the two of you share each other's warmth as the sun begins to shine through the blinds
>Jeff Magnum's not-so-soothing voice eventually lulls the two of you to sleep. But, just before you both give in to your dreams, you rub her ear a little and whisper
"Love ya, Octi."
>She buries her face a little deeper in your chest and whispers back
>"..i-idiot."
Has this thread run out of steam?
Seems like everyone is pretty busy. I'll be posting another story tomorrow though. I can't wait until I'm back at college though, I'll be able to focus on content some more.
>>26029248
>>26029259
Goddamn, these feels.
>>26029276
I mean . . . it sounds like it would make a pretty good massive story . . .
>>26034725
Seriously.
Your big stories are good. This is a great start.
>>26029259
New Riggy story! Yesssss.
>bump
We interrupt this moment of silence to bring you A MASSIVE UPDATE TO MY STORY. Thanks.
RD POV [A few minutes before]
>Hanging out with Rarity was...Pretty rad.
>You don't have much in common, so you were expecting it to get awkward fast.
>But she laughed at your jokes, she asked questions about stuff she didn't understand and even talked about stuff she liked.
>It wasn't boring fashion, either. It was like, stuff her clients said, or...Dates she had in the past.
>The dates...Weren't something you asked to hear about. No way!
>She insisted though, so...You only listened so you could get her off your back.
>Some of 'em were pretty funny. Guess when you've gone on as many dates as she's had, you're bound to have a few screw ups to talk about.
>Well, you've never had one. Yesterday didn't count.
>You talked about it though. T-to change the subject. Because it WASN'T. A. DATE.
>Not a date. Nope.
>You, uh...Improved it a little, though.
>You mean, who'd want to hear about you nearly dying of thirst? Nah, you got HIM a drink. To stop HIM from dying of thirst! Hah!
>...Y-you hope Pinkie doesn't talk to her about it.
>You considered changing the fact that he was shirtless, but...She was there for that part.
>She seemed to think him being shirtless was a nice touch, though.
>It...Felt really good to tell somepony about all of that.
>You'll admit, you weren't 100% honest, but it's...Great to have a friend you can brag about it to.
>She's super cool with it, too.
>You breathe a sigh of relief.
>You're still kinda tense, but that's because you're gonna meet up with Anon again.
>You said goodbye to Rarity, she gave you a hug -which you totally didn't want- and she saw you off.
>Time to see...Him again.
>You shudder in anticipation.
>You're not sure how much longer you can keep it from him.
>You've got to, though. The Gala is the best shot you've got.
>>26036616
>You're almost to the farm.
>Normally, you'd be flying pretty fast right now.
>You're still flying pretty fast, but...You feel like you...Want to take your time?
>Jeez. Never felt that before.
>Then again, you've never really had so much to think about.
>Rarity's a close friend of yours now, you're crushing on Anon and ignoring all of the other friends you used to spend all your time with.
>It feels like you turned into a completely different pony when the crush happened, like the life you're living now completely replaced the one you lived before.
>It's hard to remember exactly when all of it changed. It's been so long now.
>You don't feel like...You, anymore.
>...Stupid Anon. It's his fault for...For...
>...For doing...Nothing wrong.
>You can't blame him for it, anymore. This is on you, now.
>You changed, he didn't. Everything different in your life right now is because something you did.
>Even if he's not in the wrong though, that's not gonna stop you from hating how he showed up in your life.
>He changed everything. You don't even know if you...Like it.
>Argh. OK. No drinks, no sitting at a table and talking about how his day went. Not today.
>You're gonna thrash him at something. Anything.
>You can see him in the distance.
>He doesn't even see you coming...Huh?
>...Is that Applejack?
>Are they...Hanging out?
>You dart downwards and hide in a tree.
>Looking though the leaves, you can get a good view of what they're doing.
>What are you hiding for?! Y-you...Come on, get out of the tree and...Wh...What?
>She...She totally just hugged him!
>Oh, no, you, DON'T. That's MY stallion!
>You kick off of the branch into the air, and fly full speed towards them.
>>26036618
ANON POV [The here and now]
>You hear a whistling in the air.
>Yep, Rainbow Dash is coming.
>Applejack hears the noise too, and quickly lets go of you in preparation for her arrival.
>She...Doesn't slow her decent though, and lands with a loud thud a good distance away from you. The tremor from the impact actually carries over to where you're standing.
>She nailed the landing, however, and brings her wings to her sides, clearing the dust cloud with a single flap.
>She folds her wings, and slowly walks towards you and applejack, looking like one of those cool people in action movies that don't look at the explosion they just caused.
>THIS is the pony you have a 'crush' on.
>Even if you were the same species, she'd still be out of your league.
>It takes her a while to get there, but it would've killed the effect if she moved any faster.
>Maybe she saw Applejack from far away and wanted to make an entrance.
>"Hey."
>Her voice is flat, but you can tell she liked what she just did.
"Nice entrance."
>"T-Thanks."
>Applejack makes herself more visible.
>"Howdy, Rainbow!"
>"Hi, Applejack, uh, what's she doing here?"
>She doesn't seem...Pleased.
>Part of the act?
"Remember when I told you about AJ wanting to hang out with you again?"
>She raises an eyebrow.
>"Yeah?"
"Well, Applejack just offered to spend the break with us. Give you two a bit of time to catch up."
>A bit of the anger from her face melts away. She still looks kind of serious, though.
>>26036620
>"...Really?"
"Yeah. Say hi."
>"I...I just did."
>"Come on, Rainbow, Y' call that a greetin'?"
>Applejack walks over to RD. She said it without venom, so you can assume she put Rainbow's rudeness aside.
>That or she's used to that kind of behavior from Dash. You don't know. She seems happy anyway.
>Rainbow smiles. It's a small one, but it's still a smile.
>"H-heh. Yeah. Sorry."
>Applejack shakes her head.
>"No need to apologise. Ahm...Real glad ta see y' again. Ah mean it."
>Rainbow looks sad for a second, but the small smile returns.
>"M-me too."
>There's a moment of silence. Usually, around this time, Rainbow would lead the conversation.
>Both you and Applejack appear to be waiting for this.
>Dash suddenly walks away from Applejack.
>"S-so, anyway, let's do something!"
>There it is.
>Applejack smiles knowingly.
>"Like wut?"
>Rainbow turns around to look at her.
>"Like...I don't know, a race or something!"
"You do realize you both have four legs, and I've only got two, right?"
>"Quit whining, champ."
>You only just started.
"Maybe, you could both have your front legs tied together, so you'd have to use your hind legs..."
>"M-maybe, YOU could...Grow another pair of legs!"
>>26036625
>Applejack butts in. Things were getting stupid, anyway.
>"Maybe, we could do somthin' else."
>"Like wut?" Rainbow says, mockingly.
>AJ's ear twitches in response, but she otherwise completely ignores the heckle attempt.
>"Ah've got some horseshoes an' a pole we could use back in the barn."
>She turns to you and Rainbow, grin spread across her face.
>"Yew up fer a round or two?"
"I'm game."
>"Only if you're up for losing!"
>AJ looked...Surprisingly happy after hearing that response.
>"...Ah'll go get evrythin' we need. Don't go anywhere."
>With that, she gallops back through the gate and towards the barn. Guess she...Forgot to retort.
>...Wait, did she actually MISS Rainbow's taunting?
>Man, that's almost TOO sad.
~ Few minutes later...
>Applejack's hammered the pole into the ground, and with that, you all get into positions.
"On ground level, this time, blue."
>It seems you struck a nerve in more than one place, considering the surprised look and the blush forming on her face.
>Applejack looks over at Rainbow smugly.
>"Blue? Ground level? Ah'm not sure what to ask about furst."
>Rainbow flies towards applejack, her face inches away from hers.
>"W-well then, don't!"
"She was kinda cheating at the game the last time I played it with her. Flying in the air."
>Rainbow turns her head at you, her face a mixture of shock and anger. She points a hoof accusingly at you.
>"Y-you...TRAITOR!"
>Applejack laughs.
>"Ah don't doubt it. Ain't no way she could beat yew at horseshoes without cheatin'."
>Rainbow returns her gaze to applejack.
>"Is...Is that a CHALLENGE?"
>You missed this. Applejack's a kindred spirit.
>You both like making Rainbow angry.
>>26036633
>The bickering that followed went on for a while, but they eventually settled down so you could actually start.
>You're lined up, and Applejack gets the first throw.
>You've always found it weird that Applejack uses her tail to throw the horseshoes.
>You looked up pony anatomy, but there's nothing in there that explains how she could do it. It's mostly hair.
>So you just assumed that it's down to skill, maybe something to do with the way her tail is tied at the end.
>She sometimes throws it with her mouth, though. Guess there's certain advantages to both.
>For this throw, she's using her tail.
>Whipping it around in the air like a lasso, she throws it with almost no buildup.
>Good shot. Pretty close to the pole, but far away enough to start a close match.
>Your turn. You step forward to the line.
>You know she can use her tail to get a direct shot on the pole, but that's usually her coup.
>Matches with her are a game of wits, rather than skill. The trick is to bait her into making close shots instead of going for the kill straight away. You know you're not that good.
>Get a throw too close, and you might provoke her into doing it. She's done it enough to convince you she's really good at it.
>Of course, you've never told her your strategy.
>...You know, this is just a game of horseshoes.
>You sigh, and aim your shot.
>"Hurry it up already!"
>The lady in blue, impatient as usual.
>You continue to take your time.
>Yeah. There.
>You throw it.
>It goes around about the place you expected it to.
>You make it look like it was your best shot. Can't be too careful.
>The rotation means she'll run out of horseshoes before you do, so you'll have one shot to...
>...Again, JUST horseshoes.
>>26036637
>Rainbow's turn.
>Rainbow is an interesting opponent. She picks goals instead of strategies, and works from there.
>The goal is usually; "Win".
>Because of how vague that is, she's not as predictable a player as Applejack.
>She'd be the wildcard in any professional horseshoes tournament.
>...PROFESSIONAL. HORSESHOES. TOURNAMENT.
>You run through the sheer stupidity of what you JUST thought, even for a second, was an actual thing.
>You'll just pretend it was a joke. For who, god knows.
>She tosses it closer to the pole than you did.
>That'll take the heat off you, and she'll focus on Rainbow instead.
>"Say, Rainbow. How 'bout a little wager?"
>You can only hope she doesn't get too close. AJ will pull a coup and win in a single shot.
>"...Go on."
>You'll be able to pretend that you're not going to win, play it safe on the edges, then risk it on your last horseshoe.
>"If ah win, yew buy me a drink, and if yew win, ah buy yew a drink. Sound fair?"
>What kind of horseshoes have you got?
>"Deal! Wait...What happens if HE wins?"
>Let's see...This one has more of a curve to it. Small gap. You can't use that one for last shot.
>"Huh...Weyll, What if...The winner gets to buy Anon a drink?"
>That one's got a wide gap, but lacks a curve. A direct shot could be tricky to pull off, but it would be pretty easy to score with-
>"WHAT?! DID...YOU...WHAT?!"
>What the heck are they talking about?
>"Yew heard me."
>Well, you didn't. What did she say?"
>"N-nuh-UH! No way!"
>"Don't worry Rainbow, it's OK if yer yella."
>Seriously, what did they do? Are you a bargaining chip again?
>"...Alright. APPLEJACK. You're on."
>God Damnit. This is why you always get the short end of the stick.
>>26036642
>Applejack's grinning, a competitive flair about her face.
>"Pleasure doin' business with ya."
"Uh, wait. What was the wager about?"
>"Yew didn't hear that?"
"Uh..."
>"T-then don't worry about it!"
>Rainbow interrupts you.
>You decide to stay quiet. You know how this will end.
>Suddenly, they're both back in the game.
>Uh...OK, Applejack's turn.
>Using her mouth, she tosses one near the very centre of the pole.
>Damn. That's a risky throw to be making this early on in the game.
>Alright, your-
>"My turn!"
>Rainbow Dash? What?
>She tosses a horseshoe at the pole. It's around about on the same line as Applejack's.
>"Not bad, Rainbow. Let's see ya handle this!"
>...Did they just skip your turn?
>Applejack tosses her horseshoe closer to the pole. It's almost touching it.
"Uh, girls?"
>Rainbow tosses a horseshoe straight at the pole. She actually managed to get it to touch it. The only closer shot is now one to the pole.
>"HAH!"
>"Only one way things can go from heyur..."
>Yep. You're not there anymore.
>This was one thing about hanging out with them you didn't miss.
>Seriously? Just when they became friends again? You'dve thought they would've held off this time.
>>26036644
>Applejack picks up a horseshoe with her tail and starts twirling it.
>Oh boy.
>After winding it up, she grins triumphantly at Rainbow, and lets it go.
>The throw arcs, and it's on a sure fire path to the pole.
>In a split second, you catch a glimpse of what Rainbow Dash is doing.
>She...She's already going to throw?
>Normally, when Applejack does her coup, she just sits there with a defeated expression on her face.
>But...she's still very serious.
>Well, she's thrown it. It's high though. She won't hit the pole with...
>Holy CRAP!
>She just hit AJ's horseshoe out of the air!
>The shot still goes wide, but Applejack's horseshoe doesn't even touch the pole.
>You didn't even catch where it went.
>"A-ah would've hit that pole, Rainbow!"
>"YOU CAN'T PROVE THAT!"
>They've both only got one horseshoe left.
>Rainbow dives for hers.
>AJ, realizing what's happening, quickly grabs her last horseshoe with her tail.
>...It's hard to tell who threw first.
>But after some visual confirmation, the winner is clear.
>Silence.
>After the disbelief of what just happened is lifted, she jumps into the air.
>"YES! In your FACE, APPLEJACK!"
>...The force of her horseshoe coming into contact with the pole actually bent it.
>Due to this, and to Rainbow's throw hitting the pole first, AJ's shot missed the pole by a mile.
>...You could actually be accurate. It went flying far.
>Well, that was...Intense.
>You look over at Applejack.
>A shocked façade hides the seething frustration beneath her expression.
>This will NOT end well.
>>26036648
>They've been at it for an hour.
>In circles.
>The argument is going nowhere.
>You're SUPPOSED to be at work.
>...You know what?
>You leave them to argue, and go inside AJ's farm.
>You don't really care what it was about, but you can tell that it's not going to end any time soon.
>You get the tools, put them in the wheelbarrow, and get going.
>...It seems that your 'co-workers' are currently watching AJ and RD argue in the distance.
>They're Applejack's family, so you would've expected them to have done something to help.
>They look over at you, and...Simply get back to work.
>Granny Smith passes you by on her way to her duties.
>"Just leave 'em to it, sonny. They'll tire out soon enough."
>...Okay.
>Welp, this wheelbarrow isn't going to push itself.
>You help out the rest of the farmhands the best you can.
>Soon, your shift ends, and you say goodbye to the rest of the Apple family.
>What the hell are those two doing?
>...It looks like a rematch.
>You'll leave them to it.
>You give a sigh, and start to walk towards town.
>It could've gone worse. And you did do what you said you would.
>You can only hope they don't make additional wagers while you're gone.
>There's only one place a guy can escape to at a time like this.
>And you're not drinking. Not today.
>Home. You need a rest.
>>26036653
>You get inside your house.
>God. Damn.
>You're going to go mad here.
>Your boss and your best friend/kinda-sorta-crush are currently dueling over you for god knows what, which would be weird even if they weren't both ponies.
>You check your mail. You didn't have time before you left this morning.
>There's the bill. Better Put that somewhere safe.
>You throw it in the trash can.
>An anonymous letter. Huh.
>Something tells me you should read it. See what Rainbow Dash had planned for you today.
>You open the letter and read it.
>"Dear Anonymous. You ate the pie this morning, didn't you? That's great! I'll be arriving in town tomorrow for a little visit, around the same time and place you saw me first. Not just for you, but for my livelihood. It could be boring, so show up. Tell me exactly what you thought about it. Every detail. Thanks."
>"Yours faithfully, S.Pudding"
>...How in the blasphemed name of god did he find THAT out?
>Did he install a digestible tracking device in the pie?
>You're not too worried about him spying on you, surprisingly.
>He hasn't got a problem with you, and you can't think of a reason he'd want to do anything...Nefarious.
>Whatever. You're too tired to think of anything but resting.
>It's probably something to do with how you barely got any sleep last night, but that argument was a little much.
>You're not even going to go upstairs. The couch will do.
>You slump onto it, and close your eyes.
>You probably won't go to sleep from lying like this, but you're not going to shuffle around to get more comfortable.
>You just needed to lie down.
We're clear. Hope you liked the bumps.
>>26036661
nice
bump
>>26029668
>>26029681
>>26029700
So that was my first attempt at writing a tsundere green.
I was just wondering if any of you guys liked it? and what I could do to improve?
Please bebrutally honest
>>26029259
Cozy cottages during winter are the best. It would be awesome to see more of this!
>>26036661
I really like how believable the dialogue and internal monologues are.
Have to get caught up on the pastebin now.
I'm at my internship, but when I get home I'll be making some lovely things for all of you.
How is my O'hana today?
>>26037171
Oh, I forgot to critique your work! If you want brutal honesty, I'll do my best.
>>26029668
>First three lines
Great opening to the story. Immediately we know we are inside, and we have an idea of who we are dealing with based upon dialogue alone.
The dialogue is clean, and definitely gives the Tsundere feel. I especially appreciate the way Anon blows into Tavi's ear. It's a subtle way to imply romantic interest from one of the parties. Her response is very much in character, and keeps you in the story.
That being said, you could do better to explain the situation a bit better. I couldn't get an idea of what time of day it was. I assumed night because he was asleep, but she seems to be up and about so it could have been morning too. One sentence saying it was dark outside would help form the setting a bit more, and give a clearer picture in the reader's head.
>>26029681
>You wait for her to continue
This is a great line to emphasize Anon's understanding of Tavi's feelings. He knows what is coming next, and accepts it. These kind of sentences define this specific Anon's personality. In this case, he's very patient, knowing, and suave. Good characterization.
I suppose my only criticism for this part is to describe the music itself. Anon just turns it on and then hears it, but we don't get a taste of what he is hearing. It's kind of a disconnect that makes us hard to back up Anon's comment on it being beautiful.
>>26038360
>>26029700
I like their relationship, like no matter what she says to him she still loves him and gets in bed with him at the end of the day. This really validates Anon's patience and optimism in the face of Tavi's rudeness.
The only gripe I have is the first thing Octi says:
>"Yes. They're all done now. Perfect because of you, Anon."
This seems a little too forward for the character you defined. Later on she retracts to being embarrassed again, too proud to admit she wants to listen to Anon's music. I feel like this line could have been delivered to be more restrained to fit the motif better.
Something like:
>"Yes, they have been completed. Th-thank you for your help..."
But what do I know? I'm just a Riggy. I sure hope my critique helps you in future stories! I really wanna see more from you!
>>26038360
>>26038377
Thanks so much!
In hindsight the story was a little rushed, and I probably should have fleshed it out with more details (like the sound of Octavia's recording etc.).
I see what you mean about there being no clear time of day. It could have been easily remedied had I written that Anon was taking an afternoon nap, or something to that effect.
>This seems a little too forward for the character you defined
I agree. I re-read the story a couple times after posting and realized that line was quite out of character (and perhaps even a little stilted). I think what I was going for was that because she was tired she would let her "tsundere guard" down and allow her true feelings to come to light. But, as you said before, there aren't any details in the text itself to suggest this. The devil's in the details!
I'm glad you liked it! I'll definitely be writing some more in the future.
I really liked your Fluttershy one-shot too!
I-it's not like I want this thread to live for you writefags or anything! N-niggers.
Home and writing for a little while.
>>26036661
I was pretty damn tired when I wrote this part of the story.It shows in some placesReally should've proof read it.
Eh, it's out there now. I'll see if I can correct a few of the mistakes in the pastebin.But laterI'm still tired
PAGE TEN SAVE OUTTA FUCKING NOWHERE!!!
bump
In the process of writing some Moon Dancer tsundere!
as a side note, everyoneuses spoilers in this general.is this something I should get on?
>>26045161yes
I went 3-1 today at FNM, traded a bunch of full art basics for a wurmcoil and got rid of my invoke prejudice for 2 polluted deltas and a foil hungry ulamog.But I still haven't made any progress on my story.How was all of your nights?
>>26045190
I drew Tracy Cage as a millennial soldier from Hellsing after binge watching it at work.
I think I need help.
>>26045213
Post it
>>26045221
Not done enough, lacking fine details and the darker pencil lines so my shitty camera picks it up.
Have Crystal War Twilight Sparkle instead.Tracy will be done tomorrow.
>>26045359
I like it but>no wings
>>26003520
Looney for the moony booty
>>26045391
I can't read that
>>26046479
