>"Anon, we discovered that you can impregnate a pony. We can't let you contaminate our gene pool. So there's our ultimatum: we take your balls or your life."
>>25656442
>rape
>>25656442
>implying it isn't already too late
You may take my life, Celestia. But I will have the last laugh.
>>25656442
Um.
You don't know I absolutely despise the thought of fatherhood right?
I'd rather die than produce offspring.
Also, I was planing to head over to griffonstone to get some griffon pussy instead of pony pussy anyway.
Celestia I don't want you to take roleplay ideas from Cadence anymore. Shiny may be into to that shit but I'm not.
>>25656442
I've already had a vasectomy, idiot.
>>25656442
"But Celestia, Luna was going to ask you to be the godmother. I don't think she would be to happy to see her babies daddy dead. Make me immortal instead and I will only be with luna." Crosses Fingers
>>25656442
I'm thinking it over.
>>25656442
>And that was the moment I began plotting the edgiest revenge scheme ever.
>>25656442
Might as well kill every foal who is about to be born.
>>25656442
But I've already impregnated the mane 6,
the cmc,cutie marks mean they're legal, right?
Cheerilee,
Vinyl Scratch,
Octavia,
Lyra,
Zecora,not sure how that works, considering she's not even a pony
Derpy,
Fleur-de-lis,
a timberwolf,don't ask.
that cute mare guard in the lobby,
and your sister.
My army will be unstoppable.
>>25656442
Haha! You actually think someone would find me attractive enough to fuck! What a fucking retard you are!
H-ha ha...
>>25656442
Jokes on you, that's my fetish!
>>25656442
Uh, Princess? I don't know if you noticed this or not, but I'm a girl. Biology doesn't work the way you seem to think it does.
>>25656442
Cant you just give me condoms you crazy old mare?
>>25656442
and then celestia was raped
>>25657815
Then you'll be tied down and your ovaries carved out.
>>25657815
>"Silence! Now, slide open your chest cavity and let's get those testicles out of you."
>>25656442
Uh, you're a good few years too late there.
>>25657868
>>25657885
Man, this just isn't my day...
>>25656442
What if instead I pledge an oath to only bred with those you diem worthy?
>>25656442
You can't do that.
I used Starlight's time travel spell to go forward in time and give my futureself instructions on how to impregnate your mother, he then went back in time to do so.
If you kill me, then I'll never be there to recieve the instructions, meaning you'll never be born.
>Anon on a tactical espionage rape adventure
>sneaking past guards while impregnating every mare and filly he can find
>>25656558
Dayum, that's based
>>25657963
so
youre saying anon + pony = alicorn
>>25657963
>>25656442
>Or, you can take this dick and shut your whore mouth.
>>25656558
Cumming probably feels sub-par after a vasectomy.
>>25657971
WRIIIIIIIIIIIIITEFAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGS
>>25656442
SHALL NOT BE INFRINGED
>>25656442
I suppose it's a bad time that Luna is pregnant, and I'm the father?
>>25658717
Man, that could end badly.
>Luna goes full nightmare moon again over her sister trying to mutilate her lover
>>25658772
If Luna turned into Nightmare Moon while pregnant, how would that affect the baby?
>>25657815
Why the fuck are the /mlp/ girls posting about the fact that they're a female so much nowadaysimplying that they're actually females. The rules have changed. Tits and gtfo are no longer necessary. Instead tits, sharpie in pooper, and vagina are now required to ward off trap/trannyshits.
>>25658874
>Instead tits, sharpie in pooper, and vagina are now required to ward off trap/trannyshits.
Still not enough. I need to see those things plus a signed birth certificate.
>>25658852
Nyx
>>25658687
You don't NEED high capacity testicles.
>>25657963
>D-daddy?
>>25656442
Come on kill me
Its already too late
>>25657978
Pretty much
>>25657981
Believe it, fucking believe it :^]
>>25659505
Not yet, but I will be
Temporally that makes it impossible for you to kill me because doing so would stop you from ever existing which would cause a paradox
>>25659505
I'm lollin like Stalin.
>>25657963
>Celestia waits for the exact moment future anon comes back from the past to cut his balls off.
>>25657971
This would make for an astounding CYOA.
>>25659927
But what if future Anon never comes back to the present and stays with Celestia's mom?
>>25656442
Anon = Immune to magic, Super strength, Indestructible body.
Alicorns = Magic Users, and can be hurt physically.
Yeah, we all know how this will end.
>>25659587
>Celestia is too overcome with emotion from this revelation
>She just hugs anon anon while sobbing uncontrollably
>Luna come in
>Lune: "Sister! What is wrong? Why art thou weeping?
>Celestia (still sobbing uncontrollably):"I FINALLY FOUND DADDY!"
>Luna's face when
>>25656442
>we discovered that you can impregnate a pony
>we discovered
How?
>>25660083
>A few days go by and pic related gets the word.
>"If you're my aunt's father, then that means.... Grandpa?"
>>25659505
>>25660083
>>25660155
So...feels green when?
>>25656442
On my world, man has come up with many ways to get his rocks off without fathering children. Firstly, he grips his penis with his own hand and rubs himself to climax. Alternatively, he wears a plastic sheath over his member to capture his seed so as not to impregnate a woman during sex. Lastly, he can have certain tubes cut and tied in his sac that will keep him from impregnating anyone. Cutting my balls off is not an option, and you'll find trying kill me is more trouble than it's worth. Besides, I should be the one worried about tainting MY gene pool. Humans are clearly the superior race, here. I'm the one in peril, not you.
>>25656442
It's too late princess, how's that drink i made for you?
>>25660066
>Anon = Immune to magic, Super strength, Indestructible body.
>Alicorns = Magic Users, and can be hurt physically.
>Yeah, we all know how this will end.
In>rapeis my guess. Is that where you were going with this?
>>25660114
OBVSLY, Twilight Spergle performed the necessary experiments.
>>25657971
>>25658112
>>25659974
PLEEEEEEAAASE
>>25660218
kek
>>25657971
>>25659974
This.
>>25657971
>>25658112
>>25659974
>>25660282
>>25660929
Seriously, this needs to happen.Especially since I don't think I could do it justice.
>>25661668
Agreed with you, we need a writefagI'd do it, but let's say that its worse than shit.And i dont have any clue how to start
>>25657971Allow me to take a shot. Just tried out pic related for an hour.
>"Anon."
"Colonel. Got anything on why I was called in during vacation?"
>"Well, Anon, I have good news and bad news.
>The good news is: we have just discovered a green planet in the fringes, one that appears to be chock-full of 'non-hostile' aliens."
"Non-hostile aliens? Are you sure?"
>"They're unlike any of the species we've encountered during the wars. Physically, they're a lot more... colorful, and judging from the probes' data, they're peaceful, terrestrial-bound beings."
"That's a first. Here I thought aliens were either inter-dimensional asshats or neighborhood mightier-than-thou thugs."
>"Well, that's not the case for this planet. The bad news is, of course, they're on the edge of our probes' scouting ranges. We have no clue what's further beyond this 'system'."
"What's with the emphasis on system, Colonel?"
>"The planet has one sun and one moon, only both objects have around the same size and distance from the planet."
"...What?"
>"Yes, the scientific community is as baffled as the rest of us. As far as we come, reality is still throwing curveballs at us."
"I see. So why did highcom send for me? Do they want me to scout it out? Open negotiations?"
>"Actually, they have something rather... special, in mind."
"Special?"
>"Here's a pic of one of the natives taken by one of the probes. We've identified her as one of the apparent nobility."
>...
"Is that a--"
>"Yes, a purple unicorn/pegasus hybrid. An 'alicorn' as the eggheads are designating her."
"Her? How do you know it's a female?"
>"There are more photos, but let's just say they're a little explicit."
"Heh, don't wanna scar me for life, Colonel?"
>"Oh I'm sure you won't mind. I just don't have them on me."
"I'm sure my father has them."
>"Even though Anon Senior is on assignment, I'm sure that old dog somehow got them. It's actually your family's 'inter-species relations' that's gotten you here."
"Wait, what?"
>>25659505
>>25658085
Not even remotely right. The only difference is having no swimmers in your jizz juice, it's the same volume and getting a vasectomy doesn't do shit to the actual parts that produce and move an orgasm otherwise.
>>25662298
---
>You are Lieutenant Anon E. Mous Jr.
>Latest line in the Mous family to join X-COM
>A little too late to participate in the "Mega-Primus War" as everyone's calling it, so you have made yourself busy assisting in exploration, colonization, and cult-squashing efforts
>Because of this, you're pretty experienced in wilderness survival and infiltration
>And now you're in a tiny re-entry capsule, on your way to your next assignment
>One that you're having mixed feelings about
>Of course you were pretty clear about your thoughts when the Colonel told you
---
"Colonel, what kind of a mission is this?!"
>"One of the upmost importance for the continuation of mankind's existence, or at least that's what the Commander told me."
"The Commander told you that?"
>"He's the one who single-handily organized this mission, and he's the one that put me in charge of overall operations."
"That loony is always pompous with shit like this, Colonel. I absolutely cannot see why something like this would be important for our survival."
>"What if I were to tell you that this noble, along with her species and the other sub-species, are physic?"
"They're physic?"
>"We have evidence to believe that--to a degree--every last one of them is physic."
"You're kidding."
>"Does it look like I'm kidding, Anon?"
>You sigh
"So because highcom doesn't want to risk them discovering us, I'm going in alone?"
>"Yes, with standard OSP for weapons.
You won't be needing food, since according to the probe data, the fauna there is the exact same as Earth, with a few additions of course."
"Alright, that's interesting."
>"That, and the structures most of the natives reside in are uncannily similar to ancient human homes."
"And they're peaceful, as far as you can tell? Sounds like a nice place for another vacation, if not for the mission."
>"Don't worry, Anon. While we're not sure what else is out there, you have plenty of time to relax while there. And you'll have us to support you."
"Us?"
