>"Anon. You're a fucking sicko you know that?"
>>25412781
Sorry ;_;
>>25412781
"Twilight, for the last time, I don't know how the peanut butter got there."
>>25412781
*tips sherlock hat*
>>25412796
>Twilight stares at you like a step-mother stares at her red-headed cripple of a son.
Well, l mean, I know how it got there; but it was never my intention for Winona to be so attracted to it.
>>25412822
>"Oh yeah? Was it also 'not your intention' to do it when winnona was also in heat? Or to do put an aphrodisiac inside the peanut butter too?
>>25412962
Twilight putting peanut butter was part of my plan.
>>25412962
Technically is it really so wrong to fuck Winnona? I mean technically I'm an animal in this world since I'm not a pone.
>>25412980
>"Oh really was getting caught part of your plan too?"
>>25413003
of course
>>25412984
Would it be wrong for a pony to fuck a gryphon? Would it be wrong for a pony to fuck a "lower class animal" such as a dog? Are humans really as low as dogs in Equestria?
>>25413013
>"So tell me smart guy what's next in this big plan of your's?"
>>25412984
>"Getting reallll tried of your shit Anon."
>>25413032
Raping this house, and everyone in it.
>>25413034
Look you didn't say anything when I fucked that cow, why's this any different?
>>25412962
You listen to Twilight while trying to shove the dog away from your Reeses crotch.
"Hey, that shit was already in there. But listen, it's not my business who does or does not infuse their peanut butter with Spanish flea."
>Twilight hasn't really changed her expression much, not reacting to the accusation that she has a slight nut fetish (no pun intended).
"On that note, could you give me a moment to clean this shit off? I'll explain this mess in a moment."
You make your way to the bathroom, all the while wondering how you can explain your way out of bestiality charges.
>>25413017
Humans would probably be on the same level as Spike, and Spike was a dog in EqG
>mfw I literally fuck around with my golden retriever girl dog
>mfw my brother knows and acts just like twily thinks im a sicko and hates me for it on top of over things
>mfw my dad knows but for some reason he has a real "see no evil, hear no evil" attitude about it
>guess after a long time of trying to expose me he finally just reluctantly gave up
>brother hasn't yet
>mom is totally oblivious to it
>im so good at lying and covering shit up she has no idea and will never have any idea
>mfw bestiality is a felony in my state
>mfw 0 fucks given all in all
>>25413122
"Is bestiality even a crime here?" You wonder as you furiously try scrub the peanut-flavored sin from your dick. The truth was, you were enticing Winona because, as Twilight mentioned, you're a real sick fuck. By her reaction, you can at least assume that letting a less-sentient species give you head isn't exactly welcomed with open arms around these parts. Regardless, you weren't ready to confess your fetishes to anyone; especially after they caught you in the act.
You finish cleaning up and take some time to think. Your half-assed attempt at lying about "remembering that humans used peanuts as penis enlargement aides" will have to do. Embarrassing, but infinitely less than the truth. Walking back to the scene of the crime, you notice that Twilight and Winona are nowhere to be found. The peanut butter is still there.
About to shit your pants, you immediately assume that Twilight went to go tell AJ and god-knows how many others about you screwing the pooch.
>>25413235
It's time to evacuate
Get the fuck out immediately, broken arrow, we are at defcon 1
Leave the area for a few days, come up with an elaborate story as to why you were gone, business trip, family emergency, something
Come back and tell it to anyone who asks, if they bring up the dog deny deny deny
Its your word against twily, he said she said
The dog cant talk so there
Also remove all penut butter from the scene before you go
Do all this and you will be fineTrust me I know how to deal with these kinds of things
>>25413017
There have been a few greens of Anon being treated like that iirc.
>>25413255
"Ah, fuck."
You take the peanut for, uh, some fucking reason; and run out the door. This could be it, the biggest, most monumental fuck up of your pitiful existence. Who knows what's going to happen if you don't intervene, fast. You can just think about the headlines: "Only Human In Equestria is a Zoophile". You'll have to life in some godforsaken corner of the forest like that Zebra with a speech impediment. You keep running, making a beeline to Apple Acres; dogging ponies and carts in the street as you go.
Your asthmatic ass arrives at the orchard, just as Applejack is unloading bales of hay off of a trailer. Twilight and Winona aren't in sight. Applejack sees you, and immediately notices you're in some desperate need of albuterol.
>"Shucks, Anon. What's the matter? You look more tuckered out than a bull in a cow pen."
Fucking country-ass AJ. You wonder where Twilight is and what to say next.
[Inventory: Peanut Butter (w/ Aphrodisiac)]
What do?
>>25413171
Glorious. I bet your brother is secretely just jealous of the dog though, you should try squeezing his ass to see how he responds.
>>25412781
the fuck did I do?
>>25412962
>dog fucking
*close and hide thread*
>>25413457
we don't need to know you're gay
pic related
>>25412781
wow.
Way to help my self-esteem there so called "Princess of Friendship"
>>25412781
Hey! Now hold on a second, grape drank. All she had to do was eat the eggs, nothing else. She didn't even have to tell me what happened. Explain to me what's wrong with that!
>>25413371
Make her a peanut butter and jelly sandwich.
>>25412962
>Necrophiliac Apple Jack flashback
>>25412984
well technically we are animals in this world too.
in factwe aint nothing but mammals
>>25414619
>Make her a peanut butter and jelly sandwich
"What the shit?" You exclaim. A voice in your head just ordered you to suddenly make a pb&j sandwich. You're not sure if you've finally gone insane, but you do know that acknowledging the existence of the jar of peanut butter in your pocket is the last thing you want to do. It's best to keep it hidden for now.
(More horribad writing when I get home)
>>25413371
>>25415503
You already fucked up by not running away immediately on top of your original getting caught fuck up
Now you need to try to recover from your double fuck up by making normal conversation, lie and say you were jogging for exercise
This is a really bold strategy but again, you mcfucked up by not running so this is the best I got:
Twily the rat bastard is coming to tell aj what you did
Pre-emp it by lying and saying that you saw twily with wiona and there was penut butter all over the place and you saw twily with a bit on her
feign absolute disgust and kind of look away and groan, really put on a real show
Basically flip the tables on the bitch and say she was the one fucking around with the dog
When the dog shows up with penut butter on it it will just reinforce your story, if there is no penut butter ah well it will work
You have the advantage when it comes to striking first because normies are more inclined to not need proof to be suspicious of someone, twily will automatically be on the defensive and it will be hard enough for her to convince AJ (who is so trusting and honest she would find it very hard to believe that your lying) that she didn't do it
>>25415788
lets see how much more Anon can fuck up.And if my suspicion that Twilight took Winona home for some fun with the dog herself is correct.
>>25415865
Its almost like you want everyone to know what you did.
I'm getting mixed messages here
The voice in your head has changed. It's been replaced with a wise sage that's spitting hot truth in attempt to salvage your rapidly declining situation. Unfortunately, the amount of sense he's making is too much for your underdeveloped Anon-brain, and you can only make out a few sentences before being overwhelmed.
>lie and say you were jogging for exercise
whynot.jpg
Through your huffs, you manage to continue lying. "Hey AJ, just you know, going for a quick jog. I have to keep up with you four-legs some how." You combine your human charms and the best poker face you can manage. 8 seconds of silence follow. You clear your throat. "Just saw you working, and wanted to say hey!"
>AJ cocks her head and taps her chin a few times. "You're lying."
"Holy fuck." You catch your words before they leave your mouth. After choking on them for a moment you finally sputter: "What makes you think that?"
> AJ rolls her eyes. "Anon, for all the time ya' been here, you've never once started a conversation with me. And, when I do, you always act like you've got somewhere to be." She looks towards the ground. "I started thinking I've must've done something to offend ya'."
You weren't really paying attention after the first few words, you never did.
>"So, why would you suddenly come running to say "Howdy"?"
You snap back to reality harder than Eminem. It wasn't AJ that made you though, past her you see Twilight leading Winona down the street, thankfully not in your direction. Then she stops. In the off chance that she looks in your direction, shit will go south quick. You decide to take drastic measures and lie until you can't lie anymore.
You crouch down to meet AJ at eye level, hoping her "buns und thighs" will hide you from Twilight's gaze.
>AJ raises her eyebrow. "What are you doing?"
Shit, of course now you have to explain yourself further.
[More, reply split.]
>>25416482
Douchebag mode ENGAGE.
"Applejack, I'm sorry if I've ever made you feel ignored." You decide to pull out all the stops. "Truth is, I've always wanted to talk to you, to say how I feel, but I never had the confidence to say it until today."
>AJ is noticeably uncomfortable. "What?"
You quickly squint behind her and see Twilight is still there. You look Applejack in the eyes and put your hand on her shoulder. "AJ, watching you work is something amazing. You're the strongest and most beautiful mare I've ever seen."
> "Alright. That's nice and all, but I've got to get back to work."
Shit, this isn't at all like your Japanese animes. If Applejack turns around, she'll see Twilight. You've got to think fast. You dig around for a cliche that could remedy this. It's a good thing you don't have an audience.
You pull AJ forward and ram your face into hers. What was supposed to be "a passionate kiss of undeclared love" turned into a sloppy moment of regret as AJ's face immediately contorts into a disgusted expression. Only a second or two passes before something fast and hoof-shaped makes impact with your chin. It breaks the "kiss" and sends you sideways.
>"Ugh! I don't know what's wrong with you Anon, but I'm going to finish moving this bale of hay, and when I get back you'd better pray I don't catch you around here."
You look past AJ again, Twilight and the dog are gone. You shrug. "Eh, good enough for me." With that you pick yourself up and leave the orchard.
You may be a calm asshole on the outside, but inside you know your continued fuckups are catching up to you quick. There's no way you can talk to AJ now, she doesn't even want to see you. On that note, where the hell was Twilight going with Winona? With nothing else going right, you have a decision to make:
[A]:Follow Twilight.
[B]:Go to your friendly neighborhood Ponka for advice.
[C]:Cut the shit and go turn yourself in, you fucking pervert.
>>25416482
>>25416494
Does anon have magic immunity in this story?
If he does you could always chase after twilight and take the dog from her, she would try to stop you but couldn't, take it and kill it and bury or burn its corpse.
Twilight could tell everyone you ran off with it and you could just say no and that twilight is delusional.
Or you could try to do the same thing except don't kill it and instead wash it off to get all penut butter off it.
Don't tell pinkie she is a party animal but I bet even she would be grossed out.
Also you fucking suck at lying, you keep this shit up and everyone is gonna have 0 problem believing twilight.
>>25416494
A. I've never had a problem that stalking someone couldn't fix.
>>25416494
option [B]
because I want to see what happens.
>>25416494
[D] Go to Manehatten to start a drug empire.
>[A]: Get out of here, STALKER.
You decide to be sneeki breeki and follow Twilight into town. You stay a good distance away, using alleys and shops to hide your advance. Twilight is leading Winona by her leash, the dog trailing behind. Occasionally, it stops and coughs violently.
It didn't really hit you before, but Ponyville is really tiny. The streets are narrow and sparsely populated, and it doesn't help that you can't exactly blend in expertly. Ponies are staring at you, and some must pity your odd behavior. Soon enough, Twilight has walked the entire width of the town (which took a whole 15 minutes). It's obvious now that she's on her way to see Fluttershy.
"Great. How many ponies have to be involved before this thing is over?" You mutter to yourself. You look from a bush a few meters away, and see Twilight hand the leash to Fluttershy as she opens the door. A few words are exchanged, and Twilight walks away.
"That's it?" You think. The conversation must have been under a minute, there could be no way Twilight explained to Fluttershy everything that happened. You sit and think for a few minutes. There has to be someway to end this now. What good could come from taking Winona? Maybe you could snatch her up and deposit her at Sweet Apple Acres without anyone noticing, and then deny you had any part in the whole thing. Of course, Fluttershy would be able to vouch that Twilight dropped the dog off at her cottage; and who would think she'd be lying?
>1/2
>>25420579
"For fuck's sake." You're getting tired of this. Taking Winona from Fluttershy isn't off the table, but you'd have to be sure you're quick about it. If anyone saw you, you'd be in deeper shit than you are now. Why is she here anyway? Did Twilight drop her off as a precaution, or is there another reason?
You could also just leave Winona with Fluttershy and go find Twilight. You still have your half-assed "penis enlargement" lie to use. Talking to her might help things, but who know's where she's going.
You also still have this fucking peanut butter with you, it doesn't seem like it'll help matters; but something tells you to hold on to it.
As you're wallowing in self pity you hear cheerful humming coming from the edge of the forest. Turns out it's none other but the god of chaos himself, Discord. No doubt he's on his way to chase that yellow butt. Could he be any help in this?
Either way you have a bad feeling that things are going to start getting weirder.
[A]: Try and take Winona from Fluttershy's cottage.
[B]: Find and lie hard to Twilight.
[C]: Chat it up with Discord. Either tell him the truth, or don't.
>Choose carefully.
>>25412781
Fuck you.
There´s nothing wrong with eating rice with Ketchup.
>>25420588
Let's go with C.
Don't tell him anything about the situation but tell him he needs to hold onto that jar of peanut butter for you.Pin it on him as a last ditch effort if things go south
>>25420963
You sick fuck.
>>25421100
Here's a last ditch effort that writhed its way into your mind. If all else falls; blame it on someone else. Although blaming it on a literal deity may not be the best idea, such ideas have been entirely absent for you the past few hours.
You watch Discord do his jolly jog along the trail, occasionally adopting the form of some old black and white cartoon as he whistles. Before actually moving forward, you take a moment to think of the horrible things someone like Discord could do to you if he was so inclined. You shudder a bit, but decide to continue anyway.
You wait until he passes by you, and you slink out of the bush you're in to join him on his walk. You announce your presence by whistling along.
>Discord looks over his shoulder. "Oh hello Anon, what brings you to join me this fine afternoon?"
You begin to play your act but are stopped immediately.
>"Just kidding, I already know. You want something, what is it?"
You pause for a split second, but retain your half-smile. "You've got me there." You clasp your hands together attempting to imitate Discord's previously quirky demeanor. "I need help with something only a true master of comedy can accomplish." You wait for a response, but there isn't any. Literally. Discord stays completely still and stares at you before you continue. "Uh hm, yes. I am planning a rather harmless practical joke on Princess Twilight, and am asking to employ your skills for it to succeed."
>No response. A fly lands on Discord's left eye.
[1/2]
>>25422465
You continue again. "Uhhhh. Can you please hold on to something fo- Oh goddammit. What's wrong?"
>Discord shoos the insect away and comes back to life. "Nothing, you were saying?"
"You know what, never mind what I said before. Listen Discord, I've been through a lot of shit today, and all I'm asking is a favor. I can make it up to you later, but now I just need you to hold on to something for me."
You get ready to reason with why you can't explain the reason, but are interrupted.
>"Fine." Discord snaps his fingers and the jar of peanut butter jutting out of your back pocket is now in his hands. "Oh now, don't even ask." he waves his other hand in front of you as you stand bewildered. "Can you honestly say you expected anything different? I know lots of things, Anon. What I am most sure of however, is that your problems are just like a little snowball rolling down a hill, getting bigger and bigger. I wonder how big they can get before they collapse under their own weight." He smiles.
>"And, don't worry about me spilling the beans. Although, as an upstanding citizen I am obliged to disclose such heinous acts...Well, I guess you can say old habits die hard."
>"Anywho, while you digest that. I'll take over planning the next chapter in your little adventure."
>"So, what do you think, /mlp/? What should this Anon do next?"
[Also, last for tonight. Keep the thread alive, or don't.]
>>25412781
For the last time Twilight! I know Drowning my ice cream in milk is weird! Jeez! Can you let me live!?
>>25420963
>>25422472
Likin it so far
>>25422472
"Goddammit Discord what will it take to keep your mouth quiet about the whole thing? I'll do anything.Even if it's lewd.""EVEN if it involves said peanut butter."
>>25422472
It'd be nice if we had dirt on him. Or something. Or maybe we should take his word on hefty problems collapsing and spill the beans.
>>25426636
But Anon, he already knows.
>>25412781
>*finishes blowing nose*
Dammit Twilight, I said I'm SICK, where's the damn medicine I asked for?
