Spike, please add the following to the list of Anon's bans:
> Anon is banned from any event that involves cheese wheel rolling, EVEN IF he founds the event himself
> Anon is banned from the children's playground. The excuse of 'not having a childhood in Equestria' is no exception, and any future dismantling of the play structures to free him will be at his expense
> Anon is no longer allowed to reference any pony or other sentient being, but particularly Rainbow Dash, as 'a tactile journey'
>>20536185
Anon is also banned from using the Socratic method on ponies and causing them to have an existential crisis.
Anon is banned from inserting his fingers into ponies.
Anon is banned from adding items to his list of his bans.
>>20536185
i don't know what a tactile journey is, but if you try to ban me from hugging the shit out of you, you are going to have a rebellion on your hands.
>>20536185
>no fun.jpg
Fuck you whorse! I do what I mother fucking want!
>inb4 mr.edge
> While we are understanding of his frustration, Anon is banned from plotting to crash an airship into Canterlot
> While we are impressed by his creativity, Anon is banned from plotting to crash the moon into Canterlot
> While we are moved by his philosophical viewpoint, Anon is banned from plotting to crash Canterlot into itself
>>20536185
>>20536331
>Anon is banned from random out of context hugs.
>Anon is banned frominitiating hugs.
>Anon is banned from hugging ponies from the back as a method to mate.
>Anon is banned from trying to mate with ponies that do not want to do so.
>>20536446
Under rated keks
>>20536185
>Anon is no longer allowed to scream "I CAME" randomly in public places
>Anon is not allowed to go up to unicorns and rub their horns and ask for "magic mayonnaise"
>Anon is no longer allowed within 500 meters of Discord, as interaction between the two always leads to catastrophic results
>Anon is not allowed to play flugelhorns in front if Fluttershy's cottage
>Anon is not allowed to stick things on unicorn horns for his convenience or amusement, such as using them as coat hangers, places to stick notes on for "later reminders", or to use them as "secret magical orange juicers"
Listen twilight. You just need to get ogre it. I mean I know you're an egghead and everything, but it looks like the yolks on you. Just leave your sunny side up and it should be ok.
>>20536504
>no hugs allowed
try and stop me faggot!
>>20536555
Learn to separate yourself from the bad things
>>20536555
these trips with this post. I don't know how to react and feel about this.
>>20536555
>>20536600
>dubdubs reply to trips
>Egg puns
come on guys
>Anon is not allowed to chase Fluttershy while chanting "SWIGGITY SWOOTY I'M COMING FOR THAT BOOTY"
>Rarity is no longer allowed to make and sell fedora at her store, because if Anon gets possession of one, he causes public disorder by harassing mares, repeatedly saying things like "M'LADY" then proceeding to tip his fedora at them
>Anon is not allowed to purchase spray paint, or else he will spray paint crudely drawn offensive images all around town
>>20536651
Hey man, I'm doing it just for the pun of it.
>>20536185
Anon is forbidden from jerking it in public.
>>20536185
>Anon is no longer allowed to posses the beverage "Sunny D" while in the presence of Princess Celestia
>Anon is no longer allowed to follow Rainbow Dash and randomly exclaim "TASTE THE RAINBOW!"
>Anon is no longer allowed to make puns involving the word "ogre"
>Anon is lo longer allowed to possess any of the elements as his own personal jewlery.
>Anon is no longer allowed to mention "john madden" in social company.
>Anon is no longer allowed to attempt to chip off parts of crystal ponies to cool his drink.
>Anon is to be reminded that Princess Cadence's name is Cadence and not any form of the term 'candy ass'
>Anon is to be locked inside his house when the Princesses visit town
>Anon is no longer allowed inside the spa
>Anon must be in his house after 10pm each day until he promises to stop "playing the song of his people" in the middle of the streets at midnight
>Rape dollars is not a valid currency
>"Cow tipping" is not a valid pass time
>Anon is not allowed to grab ponies' possessions and hiding them places, like Applejack's hat
>For the love of Celestia, keep him away from the gates of Tartarus
>Bottle caps are not a valid currency
>Anon is banned from making any motion to create apple cider
>Anon is banned coming within 10 feet of the royal guards
>Anon is banned from moving around train cars because he is "bored"
>>20536771
>jewlery
>>20536816
pass time
Step it up kiddos.
>Anon is banned from asking unicorns if they want to "touch horns"
>Anon is banned from forcefully "touching horns" with unicorns when they've clearly told him to get lost
>Anon is banned from chasing after mares with a bullwhip and a cowboy hat while screaming the lyrics to 'America the Beautiful'
>Anon is banned from chasing after mares period.
>Anon is banned from ever expressing himself creatively.
>Anon is not allowed to come inside of Rainbow Dash.
>>20536854
I'm sorry, but there appears to be a fault in our stairs.
>>20536888
Underrated thread. So many keks.
>>20536185
Anon is Dr. Bright?
I would very much like to see a story about all this stuff leading up to the bans or regulations.
>>20537000
>Trips confirm that Anon is not allowed to shout "check it" any time he sees repeating digits.
> Anon is not allowed to use our Princess's bum to play the bongoes, no matter how catchy the rythm could be.
> Anon isn't allowed to bond with Spike anymore, or at least until he stop teaching him how to belch the alphabet.
> Anon isn't allowed to break into Mayor Mare's office screaming "OGABOOGABOOGA NEGROS!" anymore.
> Anon isn't allowed to use the word "Dickbutt" as an adverb anymore.
> Under any circunstance, Anon must't be allowed to participate into politic debates with diplomats from the Grypphon Kingdom, or at least until he learns that saying "U mad?" at an already enraged representative is a really bad idea.
>Anon is no longer allowed to give codenames to fillies in their baseball games. This caused much confusion as to who was on first base.
>No pony is to tell Anon knock-knock jokes.
>Ponies are to ignore Anon's claims that he is the one who knocks.
>Anon is also not any form on "danger"*
>Anon is no longer allowed to order more than 2 pizzas from a store. If you are to find a pizza on your roof at any time, notify a nearby guard.
*Citation pending
>Anon is not allowed to go into Sugarcube Corner and repeatedly comment on how odd it is that the Cakes are both Earth ponies but mysteriously have a pegasus and unicorn baby.
>Anon is no longer allowed to comment on the alleged similarity in appearance between said infants and unicorn and pegasus passers-by.
>Anon is no longer allowed to go into Sugarcube Corner and repeatedly mispronounce Pinkie Pie's name.
>>20537086
>>Ponies are to ignore Anon's claims that he is the one who knocks.
kek
>Anon is not authorized to bestow the title of princess upon anyone
>Anon is banned from accusing anyone of being a changeling
>Anon is not allowed to discuss "how awesome it was" when the library was destroyed with Princess Twilight
>Anon is not allowed to assist any fillies or colts in getting their cutie marks
>>20537000
>>20537066
>>20537026
>"four billion tons of white bull shit"
that's fucking great
>Anon is banned from insulting anypony's mother
>Anon is banned from teaching foals "The Penis Game"
>Anon is banned from playing the penis game in public
>Anon is banned from shouting "That's what she said" during town meetings
>Anon is banned from drop-kicking Snips and yelling "One small step for ponykind"
>Anon is banned from "implying" things.
>Anon is banned from referring to things as "beta"
Should Anon be spotted "ninjaing in the night", he is the be reported to the nearest guard.
>Human Impedance Act #834: Anon Y. Mous is not to be within 65 feet of Princess Celestia, those two have a weird effect on each other.
>If one witnesses Anon Y. Mous within the above-mentioned distance of the princess, inform the nearest guard.
>If one witnesses Anon Y. Mous and Princess Celestia openly communicating with each other or heading for empty rooms/rooms closed off to the public, one must immediately call out "Defcon A" loudly and clearly before taking cover under sturdy,heavy objects.
>Anon is not to be trusted with any form of hammer, be it solid or inflatible, unless under direct supervision.
>Anon is not to swing any object with "ban" crudely painted on the object in question.
>Anon is not to picket other ponies' lawns with signs saying "no fun allowed" or any other sign of that nature.
>Anon is not to adress anyone by the term ___fag. This includes: Twifag, Dashfag, McDonaldFad, VoodooFag, or in one case of the pony Braburb: FagFag.
>Anon is also not to refer to himself as ___Fag.
>Anon is also not to refer to himself as "OP" at any time.
>Anon is not allowed.
>Anon is no longer allowed within 500 yards of the Ponyville schoolhouse. This also includes methods of communication visible from that distance, the use of which Anon could use to teach more rude words and/or gestures to the colts & fillies.
>Sugarcube corner is a privately owned business and reserves the right to refuse service and/or the use of their baking equipment, however vibration-y it may be, to anyone.
>Anon is no longer permitted to stage "Orange Pride" rallies through or near Sweet Apple Acres
>Any business or individual caught selling duct tape to Anon will be cited and fined.
>Anon is no longer allowed to mention the term "Branding" to the public
>Anon has been briefed in regards to Spike the Dragon's magical document sending ability. Any attempt by him to utilize any orifice of Spike's for "research purposes" will be deemed as an act of assault and will be prosecuted to the fullest extent of equestrian law.
>Anon is not allowed to wear an eyepatch, look through a telescope, and shout "Avast! Fluttershy's ass!" whenever Fluttershy passes by.
Equestria's worse than fucking Big Brother.
>>20537000
The captain Planet Villain?
>>20537000
kek
>>20536185
>'a tactile journey'
>Anon is banned from falsely claiming that his restraining order has been revoked
>Anon is no longer allowed to ride on pegasi, even if it is to fulfill his "childhood dream of flying"
>Anon is banned from sneaking behind guards while crouching to get his "stealth level" up
>Anon is no longer allowed to accuse ponies of "homosexual behavior"
>Anon is no longer allowed to regale ponies with stories about his hot monkey dick in public
>Anon is banned from seeing Discord
>Anon is no longer allowed to slur "ayy lmao" at changelings
>Anon is no longer allowed to possess pornographic material, even if they are "homemade"
>>20536185
You can suck a gay rhino's ass! Purplesmart cant tell me what to do!
>>20537320
http://www.scp-wiki.net/the-things-dr-bright-is-not-allowed-to-do-at-the-foundation
>>20537000
>Anon shows up in Equestria.
>Has everything here put on a list of bans issued by the princess.
>Eventually Anon is simply banned from Equestria.
>Anon is sent back to earth, where he is found by the SCP corporation.
>He and Dr. Bright spark up a friendship from their common bans.
>Anon and Dr Bright are no longer allowed to research into any portals into Equestria, and are not to be told if any research is going on of that nature.
>Not even how comical it sounds to watch their "two man revolution against the oppression"
>>20537356
>>Anon is no longer allowed to slur "ayy lmao" at changelings
Keked out loud.
I gots rights! Imma hire a lolyer and fight dis bullshit!
>>20537379
I never bothered to really learn what scp is. Would you explain it to me?
>Anon is banned from teaching chemistry (please instruct fellow citizens that mixing bleach and ammonia is a bad idea).
>Anon is banned from using the word "nigger", although we're still not quite sure what it means, it's likely bad given the context clues.
>Anon is to be ignored if he asks for cheese pizza
>Anon is banned from repeating the word "chikun" and making odd faces at Scootaloo
>Anon is banned from kicking in residential doors and exclaiming "IT ONLY TOOK ME EIGHT SECONDS! WHY DON'T YOU OWN A GUN?"
>Anon is banned from talking about "hot, nazi bitches" in public.
>Anon is banned from offering the removal of a pony's virginity as a "service I (anon) provides"
>Anon is banned from making puns. Ever.
>Anon is banned from buying more than two quarts of lubricant of any type at one time.
>Anon is banned from applying lubricant to any surface used by the public. Especially the town bridge.
>Anon is banned from harvesting blue joke, using blue joke, or concentrating blue joke.
>Anon is banned from buying or possessing peanut butter. Just ask Fluttershy.
>>20537356
NOT THE PORN!!!
>>20537433
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4A-kOV4C46k
>Anon is no longer allowed to go near the everfree forest or any such substantial flammable are with the tools to make fire
>Anon is no longer allowed near any form of pyrotechnics
>Anon is banned from possessing anything capable of making a fire or explosion
>>20537439
>blue joke
>>20537447
Thanks. I guess /x/ must be a fan of that.
>Anon is banned from teaching sex ed classes without a license
>Anon is banned from acquiring a sex ed license
>Anon is not to go within a twenty meter radius from Twilight's wings
>Anon is not to go within a ten meter radius from Flash Sentry
>Anon is not to use the terms "season 1&2" and "pandering" at all times, whatever they mean
>Anon is no longer allowed to attempt to start a casual conversation
Anon is not allowed to start sentences with "You will never".
>Anon is banned from throwing odd spheres at random ponies screaming about "shinies", "hidden abilities", or "horde training."
>>20536185
> 'a tactile journey'
From slick, sweaty flank to krusty kunt, it's a true trek through the universe of touch.
>>20537602
>>20532320
>someone posts your meme
Making me feel all fuzzy, anons.
>Anon is banned from calling Flash Sentry a "waifu thief"
>>20537602
Doesn't say anything about standing 11 meters away from Flash Sentry and pelting him with rocks.
>>20537667
it's funnier if Anon is notified of this new law with a note saying:
>"You will never use the phrase "you will ever..." again."
>>20537785
> Anon is banned from standing slightly more than ten meters away from Flash Sentry and directing thrown or otherwise launched objects at him
>>20537840
fuck.
> Anon is banned from claiming he is a licensed physician, apothecary, psychiatrist, teacher, construction boss or SCUBA instructor unless he earns an accredited license in any abovesaid field in any Equestria institution
>Anon is no longer allowed to "break bad", whatever that means.
>"Ain't nothing to it, gangsta rap made me (always anon) do it" is never a valid excuse to break the law.
>Anon is banned from asking Zecora when she wants to start cooking as well as calling her "bitch" after he asks.
>Anon is banned from "looking for the right kind of frogs" and then licking them.
>Anon is banned from beating war drums in the distance at dusk.
>Anon is banned from asking where the "mexicans is at" to find a "weed connect"
>Anon is banned from suggesting waterboarding as a form of interrogating "suspected changelings". The suggestion has been rejected many times now in town hall meetings ever since he explained it.
>Anon is banned from making "tulpae" of residents. It is making everyone uncomfortable.
>Anon is banned from sexual intercourse with his supposed "tulpae" in public. Heaftier fines will be leveled against him should he shout out their names while doing it as it's almost always a violation of the previous ban.
>Anon is banned from possessing mouthwash. He'll just have to wait until cider season like the rest of us.
>Anon is banned from claiming anypony as his "waifu"
>Anon is banned from "drilling for oil so that I (he) can beat us in the coming industrial revolution" whatever that means.
>Anon is banned from "defending his oil rich territory" with improvised explosives. He's renting anyway.
>Anon is banned from claiming he has a theoretical degree in physics.
>Anon is banned from asking unicorns to create "UV" light so that everyone can "see his masterpiece".
>Anon is banned from attempting to domesticate parasprites in an attempt to "go green".
>>20537886
Well that's great, the SCUBA gig is up.
>Day I Fought the Law in Equestria
>You are Anon, a potential WMD as declared by the Equestrian government.
>How in the bleeding fuck were you supposed to know the Griffin Warmaster experienced massive PTSD episodes over tiny moving red dots?
>Your alarm clock plays the song of its' people to your eardrums.
>Cloudsdale reported that today would be clear, sunny, and the perfect temperature for outdoors activities.
>Perfect for sleeping all day.
>Without further thought, you immediately fling the blaring menace towards the only window in your room.
>A loud clang brings you past the point of being able to return to sleep.
>Open your eye to see Twilight standing in the doorway to your room, a book consisting of several thousand pages in her magic grasp.
>Noticing your consciousness, she loudly grumbles and forces the now open book to your face.
>"Hummin Law #14: Anon Y. Mous is not to show unwillingness to be a productive and friendly member of society."
>The pages suddenly rapidly flip further into the book and land on page 1,629.
>"Hummin Law #13,832: Anon Y. Mous is not to show open hostility towards inanimate objects."
>Lift your head to see a fiberglass plate has been bolted to your window frame.
>It's too damn early to be a hummin.
I have no clue where this is going, but should I continue and see what happens?
>Anon is not allowed to respond to conversation by shouting "HOLY SHIT, A TALKING HORSE" after every sentence
>>20537935
Go on
>>20537935
As always, continue my friend
>anon is banned from speaking about any sexual fetishes he might have
>>20537999
>>20538077
Trips and dubs demand it
>>20536504
>Anon is banned from trying to mate with ponies that do not want to do so.
It's about time you made >rape a crime, it only took you five months, sixty seven cases and a petition, well done grape drank!
>>20538181
Does anyone recall the name of that greentext where anon rapes a pony and she's happy she's finally courted a stallion? At the end they take a bath.
I've been looking for a while now. It's on a pastebin somewhere.
>>20537200
>anon is banned from drop kicking snips and yelling "One small step for ponykind"
>mfw
>>20537000
>>20537386
I LOVE IT
> Fluttershy is banned from asking Anon in-depth questions about human mating antics, as his (assumedly) false and misleading answers seem to distress her
>>20538368
> Anon not the only name on the ban list
>Anonymous and Pinkamena Diane Pie are banned from trying to start a rap group together
>Anonymous is banned from taverns during happy hour
>Anonymous is to be escorted away if he is seen trying to say the words "John Madden" to Princess Luna
>Anonymous is not allowed to scribble his name on the ballots the day before city elections are supposed to be held
>Anonymous is not allowed to grow, harvest, or sell any form of cannabis as it is damaging to crops and its odor is unpleasant to ponies
>Anonymous is not allowed to use said plant for recreational purposes. Why he insists on the use of it is beyond me
>It is counted as harassment should Anonymous do or say any of the following:
>-Accuse unicorns of witchcraft
>-Refer to a certain family of ponies as "marshmallows"
>-Attempt to have a Mr. Spike TheDragon send naked pictures to Princess Celestia or any other government official
>-Make comments about the sexual preferences of inanimate objects that bother him
>-Sneaking behind homosexual pony couples and exclaiming "now kiss"
Signed
Twight Sparkle
>>20538399
>Anonymous is to be escorted away if he is seen trying to say the words "John Madden" to Princess Luna
Mother of kek
>>20538399
>>20538417
Got that on the second playthrough. My god.
>>20538399
>Anon is not to add any more rules to his own list of bans, although why he would want to is strange enough.
>Yes Anon, I know it's you. I doubt Twilight would misspell her own name.
>Lyra is not allowed to be within forty feet of Anon at any time, regardless of Anons preferences to the contrary
>Anon is to cease calling Princess Twilight Sparkle "Scruffy" or repetitively saying "She does it for free."
>Anonymous is banned from any phrase preceeded by the word 'muh'
>Anonymous is banned from 'attacking the matriarchy'
>Anonymous is not allowed to participate in the debate of ANY social issues.
>Anonymous is to be placed under arrest upon the slightest utterance of 'misandry'
>Anonymous is banned from tipping a fedora
>Anonymous is banned from owning a fedora
>Anonymous is banned from saying 'Y-You too...' out of context.
>Anonymous is banned from wearing a mask on planes
>Anonymous is banned from randomly yelling out "CRASHING THIS PLANE WITH NO SURVIVORS!" on any form of passenger aircraft
>>20538212
that is a thing?
>Anonymous is banned from shouting the phrase, "The ride never ends.", period.
>Anonymous is banned from referencing skeletons in any way.
>Anonymous is banned from referring to one "Pinkamena Diane Pie" as anything other than her legally given name, or commonly known nickname, "Pinkie"
>Anon is not allowed to do yoga while dressed...
So purple smart, you want me to read all these new rules you made?
>Why yes Anon, I do. I've gotten so many complaints from ponies about your actions.
one thing though.
>What us it?
TL; DR!
and then Anon went and did everything he wasn't allowed to. because fuk da police!
>>20538494
>Anon is banned from saying "for you" as a response in a conversation, unless it is appropriate for the conversation
>He is also banned from referring to others as "big guy"
>>20538544
GODDAMNED MOTHER FUCKING AUTO CORRECT IS AN AS POLE!
>Anonymous is banned from requesting that Twilight "Dress up as Big Boss again."
>>20538548
> While it was a birthday gift, Anon is not allowed to wear his 'bane mask' outside of costumed parties, as it scares fillies and those of weak temperament
>Anon is banned from 'booping' sentient beings on the nose with his finger or any other body part
>Any claims made by Anonymous that run along the lines of "I am CIA." are to be ignored
>Anonymous is not allowed to mock the guards and ask them about their paychecks for "ruining the fun" around Canterlot. For the record, the guards do not "do it for free".
>Anonymous is banned from pulling out a picture of a banana holding it's peel and laughing uncontrollably at it.
>Anonymous is banned from leaving numerous pictures of the previously mentioned banana with the words "all yours, my friend" scribbled on it.
>Anonymous is banned from suggesting rape as a solution to a problem
>Anonymous is not allowed to point at house numbers which end in the same digit and say "Nice dubs" or "Check 'em"
>Anonymous is banned from saying "ayy lmao" anytime he overhears the word "alien"
>Anonymous is banned from telling groups of ponies that they cannot bring friends whenever he is boarding a plane.
>Anonymous is banned from pinning a note which says "ur a faget" on the town bulletin board, which he has done on a daily basis.
>Anonymous is banned from going into the Halloween costume store and saying "Thanks, Mr. Skeltal" to the skeleton costumes.
>>20538590
If I veto this law, will you die?
>>20538611
>Anon is not allowed to enter spas and ask clients if they will die if he removes their mud-marks
>Anon is banned from hiding under a box trying to sneak to Princess Celestia's chamber, just to be catched and screaming BOSS multiple times.
>Anon is banned from singing.
>Anon is banned from saying any nickname for mare genitalia in public.
>Anonymous is banned from repeatedly shouting "the best" whenever he overhears said phrase in public.
>>20538634
You're a big law.
>>20538656
>Anonymous is banned from responding to a phrase containing a noun with the verb "big" with "for you"
>Anonymous is banned from trying to make Pinkie Pie say "Put your dick in it!"
>Anonymous is no longer allowed to repeatedly scream "Giddy up" whenever he attends a soccer match.
>Anon is banned from yelling "Objection" in a courtroom
>Anon is banned from 'firing his lazor'
>anon is banned from calling fluttershy 'sluttershy'
>anon is not allowed to ask filthy rich if he's "batman"
>anon is also banned from claiming "i'm [anon] batman"
>anon is not allowed around minors without parental supervision
>Anonymous is banned from shouting "Rules of Nature." in any lyrical format.
>Anonymous is banned from calling himself legion
>Anonymous is banned from claiming he doesn't forgive or forget
>Anonymous is no longer allowed to let other ponies know they must expect him
>Anonymous is banned from berating ponies for being 'new'
> Anon is banned from possessing bubble bath solution while within fifty (50) meters from any public waterway, fountain, drinking fountain or restroom, unless it is completely packed away at all times.
>Anonymous did not, in fact, invent the moon, any claims disputing this are to be reported to the guard.
>Anonymous is hereby prohibited from unzipping his pants and exposing his erect genitalia in public, claiming it's a serious disease which can only be cured if a female pony orally, vaginally or anally stimulates it enough to remove the white fluids from inside of it
>anon is banned from asking if shining armor thinks the tea is "bomb ass"
>anon is banned from giving anyone "the finger"
>anon is not allowed to ask if 'mayonnaise is an instrument"
>anon is not allowed to refer to couples as his "otp" or refer to couples as "trash"
>20537356
>Anon is no longer allowed to slur "ayy lmao" at changelings
I can't stop laughing.
>Anonymous is banned from responding to pony's opinions with "into the trash it goes"
>>20537356
>Anon is no longer allowed to slur "ayy lmao" at changelings
>Anon is banned from having cigarettes, toothpicks, lollipops, hay stalks, or similar object stick out of his mouth
>Anon is not allowed to loiter around the arcade if he is not using their machines
>Anon is now allowed to wear any garment made with the use of animal parts
>While not illegal for him to do so, be aware that he (Anon) is in possession of a mane comb that bares a striking resemblance to a small knife
>Anon may or may not stile his mane in a puffy manner in order to appear more menacing
>Anon is extra banned from doing any combination of the above
>>20538737
>>anon is banned from asking if shining armor thinks the tea is "bomb ass"
>Anonymous is banned from asking Fluttershy if she can guess his fetish
>Anon in banned for drawing phalluses in every mirror he sees .
>Anon is banned from trying to preach a new religion revolving a "Lauren Fost" creature.
>Anon is banned for saying "remove zigger" every time he encounters a zebra.
>anon is no longer allowed to claim that "no one expects the spanish inquisition"
>anon is not allowed to use "basic human rights" as an excuse to break any rule
>anon is not to mention gravity
>Anon is banned from owning eggs
>Anon is banned from taking any homeless ponies home
>Anonymous is banned from asking other ponies to watch his chocolate milk
>Anonymous is banned from the pool, on account of barring entry on the grounds that "The poole is closed."
>>20538775
*Faust
My bad
>anon is not allowed to build a portal in an attempt to bring an army of his species to "take all of equestrias oil" whatever that is.
>>20538499
Yeah. He follows her to her house and rapes her.
I want to say that Gatorbait wrote it, but I can't find it in his pastebin.
>anon is not allowed to call anypony a "namefag" when first learning their name
>Anon is not to make any more impossible claims about the power of "Old Spice"
>We remind ponies not to believe Anon's claims about this product.
>"Old Spice body wash" can not "block odor for 16 hours"
>anon is not allowed to refer to anypony as "worst" or "best" pony
>anon is not allowed to recount his "war stories" from his time in "nam"
>anon did not have to "walk fifteen miles, uphill, both ways" to do anything "back in his day.
>Anonymous is banned from telling ponies to "Go back to Ponychan"
>Anon is not allowed to tell couples that their "waifu's a shit "
>Anonymous is banned from using the phrase "We need to go deeper." as a sexual euphemism.
>Anon is not to teach ponies how to craft weapons out of common household items.
>Anon is not to teach ponies how to craft weapons out of uncommon household items.
>We remind ponies that while possible, it is highly unlikely that Anon would walk five hundred miles, followed by another five hundred, just to collapse of exhaustion at your doorstep.
This whole thread reminds me of http://skippyslist.com/list/
>>20538914
>Anon is not to teach ponies how to craft weapons with things found in nature
tfw Equestria is a fascist state
>Anonymous is banned from referring to the state currency as 'Shekels'
>Anonymous is banned from going anywhere near dragons if he is seen carrying something that looks like a mold
>Anonymous is banned from making suggestion to dragons about making rubber replicas of their sexual organs
>Anonymous is banned from shouting words of a weird language at dragons
>Anonymous is banned from calling himself the "Dragonborn"
>Anonymous is banned from trying to use it as a pick up line to female dragons
>Anonymous is banned from ever being near a dragon
>Anonymous is not to attempt to place buckets over shopkeepers heads in order to shoplift freely.
>anon is not to refer to days passing as "episodes"
>Anonymous is not to refer to anyone as being a 'good goy'
>Anonymous is banned from calling himself 'Billy Mays'
>Anon is no longer allowed near the bat ponies while carrying any of the following:
>Stake
>Crucifix
>"Holy" water
>Garlic
>any source fire
>anything that is already on fire
>Anon is not allowed, under any circumstances, to teach, advise, demonstrate, or in any way pass on lessons in self defense to any pony or dragon (this means you, Spike!).
>>20539019
>Bat ponies
Anon is not allowed to go for more that 12 hours without taking his Abilify
>>20537439
>Anon is banned from kicking in residential doors and exclaiming "IT ONLY TOOK ME EIGHT SECONDS! WHY DON'T YOU OWN A GUN?"
Kek. Now everyone needs a gun.
>anon is not allowed to send ponies to on pick up things that don't exist.
>>20539068
Do the threads have that kind of rep? I have not actually read any of themyet.
>anon is banned from talking about his "balls of steel"
>>20536185
>'a tactile journey'
kek I have to use that when I go picking up bitches now thanks op
>>20538914
Jesus, is Equestria ruled by liberal
?
>>20539410
>Jesus, is Equestria ruled by liberal?
>Princess of Friendship
What do you think?
>Anon is to be reminded that the Crystal Empire and the Crystal Heart are not made of any of the following:
>1. Blue raspberry rock candy
>2. Crystal methamphetamine, blue or otherwise
>3. Energon
>Anon is not allowed to tell any member of the Pie family that anything is made of rock candy, including actual rock candy, which is made of sugar
>Anon is not allowed to plant any variety of tree in Sweet Apple Acres
>Anon is not allowed to plant any variety of pony in Sweet Apple Acres
>Anon is not allowed to plant anything in Sweet Apple Acres
>Anon is to be reminded that Princess Twilight's friendship journal is not any of the following:
>1. Blackmail
>2. Kindling
>3. Toilet paper
>4. Confetti
>5. The Necronomicon
>6. A Death Note
>Anon is not allowed to enchant the book to make it serve any of these purposes
>Anon is not permitted to seek out Siren attacks in hopes of "finding out if Sonata has a hot sister"
>Anon is forbidden from joining the Cutie Mark Crusaders, regardless of how blank his flank currently is
>Anon is to be reminded that Star Swirl the Bearded's time travel spell can go back much further than 13 seconds, and therefore referring to it as "the Omega 13" is inaccurate at best
>Anon is not allowed to ride tatzlwurms in a desert, or anywhere else for that matter
>Anon is not allowed to interact with parasprites at any time for any reason
>anon is banned from all pets with "edible-sounding" names
>>20537785
I don't know why I read that as
>Doesn't say anything about standing 11 meters away from Flash Sentry and pelting him with dicks.
>>20537935
Yes.
>>20539603
>>Anon is not allowed to plant any variety of tree in Sweet Apple Acres
>>Anon is not allowed to plant any variety of pony in Sweet Apple Acres
>>Anon is not allowed to plant anything in Sweet Apple Acres
>>20536185
>anon is banned from calling Princes Cadance and/or Bon bon "Candyass"
>in fact, banned from calling any pony ___ass
>or __butt , especially sun and moon
>anon is not allowed to take random ponies off the street to ask them to take a part in his "can Satyrs be created" experiments
>anon is not allowed within 500 m of the everfree forest without 10L of premium grade lube, as per his request
>as of today, anon is no longer allowed to make up rules for himself
>all ponies within 50m of anon are banned from NOT sucking his dick
>anon is banned from using any writing material
>anon is banned from using mud/saliva/blood/own farces as replacement
>Anon is not allowed to suggest the Twilight Sparkle is a "Gassy mare who just lets it go whenever she needs to."
>Anon shall not mention "Maregurt."
>Anon will not scream "Where are the bodies?" to Pinkie Pie.
>Or Fluttershy.
>Or the CMC.
>>20539852
*feces dammit
>Anon is banned from trying to play "Slay the dragon" in the library
>Anon is banned from trying to play "Lay the dragon" in the library
>Anon is banned from trying to jump into Pinkie's mane to see "how much she could fit in"
>Anon is banned from asking to eat some "ponut" as Sugarcube Corner
>Anon is banned from having animal from Fllutershy because he is lonely
>Anon is bammed from having a cat because "it's fine too"
>Anonymous is banned from looking at ponies with contempt whenever said pony admits to doing things that Anonymous considers abnormal
>He is also banned from stating the current year, followed by repeating what the pony said, and responding with the phrase "I seriously hope you don't do this"
>At all times, Anonymous is banned from being in possession of a baseball bat while engaging in these sorts of discussions
>>20536816
>Bottle caps are not a valid currency
Fuck you purple horse.
>>20537982
Winrar
This thread is very underrated, toppest keks
>>20536185
Fuck you purplesmart, you're not my mum.
>Anon is banned from calling Twilight Purplesmart
...Fuck.
>>20539784
>Anon is no longer allowed to stand 11 meters or more from Flash Sentry and pelt him with objects shaped like male reproductive organs, actual reproductive organs, or objects of any kind.
>>20540779
Well fine then!
-Two Days later-
>Anon is no longer allowed to set up a ball throwing machine 11 metres or more from flash sentry, set up to pelt him with various objects.
>Anon is banned from refusing to allow trains, carriages, or other modes of transportation to stop and disembark passengers while shouting "We can't stop here! This is bat country!"
>>20536185
>Anon eventually is banned fromd doing practically anything since the ponies start assuming that anything he does will occasionate another disaster.
>He starts becoming depressed at not being ableto do anything but sleep or eat.>Anon is not allowed to feed himself or find any comfort during sleep.
>>20540793
Hey, RD.
Next time you happen to find yourself flying over Flash Sentry, you couldn't drop a few bags of flour on him, could you?
Or anything else, for that matter: cooking ingredients, sand, crockery...
...gravel...
It'd be crass as hell I tell you!
>>20536185
>Anon is banned from talking about fight club
>Anon is banned from talking about fight club
>Anon is no longer allowed to be in the presence of the princess with an empty glass and asking for a "cup o' dat" or a "refill"
>Subsequently, Anon is no longer allowed to ask the princess for "sun-dried raisins" while cupping his hands near her posterior
>>20536185
>Anon is not allowed to do anything requiring 40 gallons of super balls
>Anon is banned from respecting any of bans ever created for him.
>>20536185
>Anon does not have diplomatic immunity and he CAN be sued, no matter his claims to the contrary.
>Anon does not own a small country
>Anon is banned from attempting to found his own country
>Anon is banned from holding any noble titles
>Anon is banned from trying to form a band
>Under no circumstances should Anon be allowed near sound equipment, notably distorted string instruments
>Anon is banned from screaming incomprehensibly at citizens under the pretence of music
>Anon is banned from "delivering pone to the promised land of metal"
>>20536185
>Anon does not have "Griends in high places".
>Nor is he a member of a Mafia family
>Anon is not the ruler of a Mafia family
>Anon is banned from racketeering under the pretense of being a mafiaso
>Anon is no longer allowed into the maternity ward with balloons
>Anon is banned from breathing Equestrian air and polluting it with his own rotten 'hot pocket' exhalation this will be remedied by a prescribed oxygen filter
>Anon is banned from abstaining proper hygiene
>Anon is banned from buying ladders taller than a footstool, portable cameras and lotions of any kind
>Anon is banned from giving fillies any amount of candy and must stay 500ft away from any school house
>>20537439
>>Anon is banned from kicking in residential doors and exclaiming "IT ONLY TOOK ME EIGHT SECONDS! WHY DON'T YOU OWN A GUN?"
Get /k/ on the line
I have a new idea on how to make people more pro gun
>>20541100
>Anon is not allowed to refer to his testicles as his "Super Balls"
>Anon is not allowed to possess lemons at any time
>Anon is not allowed to make "Combustible Lemons"
>Anon is not allowed to scream "This is the part where I kill you!"
>Anon is not allowed to make anyone his bitch
>Anon is not allowed to say anything is "edgy"
>Anon is not allowed to make replicas of ponies using candy
>Especially not if its Pinkie Pie
>Anon is not allowed to declare loudly that it is the opposing teams judgement day, should a football team score
>Anon is no longer allowed to "claim the fifth"
>Anon is no longer allowed to get ponies to "check the 5" for him
>>20540028
>>Anon is banned from trying to play "Slay the dragon" in the library
>>Anon is banned from trying to play "Lay the dragon" in the library
>Anon is banned from referring to magic as "The Force"
>Anon is not allowed to use "The Force"
>>20536185
>Anon is banned from feeding the animals at Fluttershy's cottage.
>Anon is banned from bringing any blunt, club-like objects to Fluttershy's cottage.
>Anon is banned from Fluttershy's cottage.
>>20538820Pretty sure that's not me. I don't like writing dark rape.
>Anon is no longer allowed to place classified adverts in the local newspaper for assistants for a time travel venture
>Anon is not called Conan, he is neither a barbarian nor an alligator
>>20537379
>#49
Seriously.
>Anon is not allowed to posses a poking stick
>Anon is not allowed to call his penis a poking stick
>Anonymous is banned from giving "horsey rides" at Sugarcube Corner
>Anonymous is banned from playing instruments and singing outside of Carousel Boutique
>Anonymous is banned from entering and leaving Carousel Boutique during night time hours
>Anonymous is banned from "making ponies walk funny" at Sweet Apple Acres
>Anonymous is banned from "crossing sabres" at Sweet Apple Acres
>Anonymous is banned from doing "upside down pushups" with prospective Wonderbolts
>Anonymous is banned from giving "wing massages" to Animal Caretakers
>Anonymous is banned from greeting, meeting with, talking to, petting, joking with, getting closer to, playing with, hugging, @#*&%%$^! other princesses
"Spike how does that last one look"
>"Twilight can I take a break, my claws are killing me....and I promised Anon I would help him do a "spit roast" whatever that is"
>Twilight gives a glare that Spike has never seen before
>Spike collapses back into the scroll and nervously grabs the pen again
>"Okay, okay, lets continue"
>Anon is not allowed to claim he has "The Magic Pickle"
>>20541509
Damn it Purple Smart. Stop trying to keep me all to yourself.
>Anon is not allowed within any kitchen with any unprepared food including pasta
>Anon is not allowed within fifty feet of any pony with the first name of Silver
>Anon is banned from being near animals under the pretense of "making a chimera"
>Anon does not have the touch, despite his claims to the contrary.
>Anon does not have the power, especially in conjunction with the above.
Also, I think you guys would enjoy the original list here.
http://theglen.livejournal.com/16735.html
>Anon is banned from trying to create a "Pony Centipede."
>>20536729
>>20536771
>>20536816
I love you /mlp/. Imagining Twilight listing these angrily on a letter is brilliant, imagining Anon doing this is better.
>>20536816
Cow tipping is a 2 person process
Who is anons accomplice?
>Anonymous is banned from stating that 'this post gave him cancer'
>>20541423
It wasn't dark at all. He feels really bad after and is surprised that she's happy.
God damnit I need to find that story.
>Anonymous is banned from using law books regarding himself to make a castle next to any already existing structure, especially a castle.
>Anonymous is banned from yelling at anyone to "get on his level", especially a princess.
>>20542002
>Even if the fence post in question gave him cancer. He knew what he was getting into when he signed that waiver.
Anon is hereby banned from this day on, from the recruitment of ponies to fight in his militia against the fictional tyrant Ganon.OAH!___________
>anon is banned from being banned from things that could never be enforced
>anon is banned from lists
Some of these are just fucking stupid. The dr.bright list is funny because each one is a little story, you guys are just listing random bullshit that you can pass of as LOLRANDUMN FUNNY XD.
The only good ones are ones that would be something a steriotypical nor/mlp/erson would do, like yell about
>no hooves
or attack flash.
>>20536860
>"touching horns"
>>20542694
Anon is banned from calling things "LOLRANDUMN FUNNY XD."
>>20542743
you are banned from not killing yourself.
>>20542755
Jokes on you. I'm already dead.
>>20537840
Oh yeah what about being thirty feet away thats more then slightly more than ten feet!
Suck it horse!
>Anon proceeds to pelt Flash Sentry with pebbles using a sling shot.
>>20539603
>Anon is to be reminded that Star Swirl the Bearded's time travel spell can go back much further than 13 seconds, and therefore referring to it as "the Omega 13" is inaccurate at best
Then Anon went back further in time and accidently the pony race in to exsistance while killing off humanity. Just for fun
>anon is banned from mentioning where glue comes from
>anon is banned from picking up random fillies and asking "can I keep it?"
>anon is banned from mentioning "hamboigahs"
>anon is banned from any musical number involving the phrase "turn down for what"
>anon is banned from discussing physics, gravity, and/or astronomy
>anon is banned from looking for "The Hub" logo
>>20541909
Pinkie. She puts a cake on the ground for the cow to fall in first.
>anon did in fact not shot the sheriff and is banned from doing so.
>Anon is banned from doing any and all of the following: wearing a black shirt that says "JERK" on it, yelling the names of people/places/things at the sky, claiming that he has been "horribly wronged", committing arson, possessing an "enemies list", exacting revenge upon anyone/anything for any reason
>Anon is banned from watching ponies eat foot long sandwiches, they cause him to sweat
>Anon is banned from possessing mayonnaise in a squeeze bottle
>>20537262
>Anon is no longer permitted to stage "Orange Pride" rallies through or near Sweet Apple Acres
Beautiful.
>>20543244
>YOU DARE INTRUDE UPON THE LUNAR BED CHAMBERS LOOKING FOR A WRETCHED 'HUB' LOGO?!
>"..W-well yeah I mean..since I already checked your closet and under the bed-, say, whats up with all the uh,.you know...'bzzzt's you're keeping under ther-SHIT!"
>Team Rocket is blasting off again.
>>20543386
>Also banned from setting up 3 o'clock roadblocks.
>>20538784
>Anon is forbidden from using his anal orifice as a musical instrument.
>Anon is forbidden from walking around town square with a sign that says "Chrysalis Did Nothing Wrong."
>Anon is forbidden from walking around town square with a sign that says "King Sombra Did Nothing Wrong."
>Anon is forbidden from walking around town square with a sign.
>Anon is forbidden from walking around town square.
>Anon is forbidden from town square.
>Anon is forbidden from attempting to learn magic.
>Addendum: Anypony found guilty in teaching Anon magic will be banished and then imprisoned in the place where they're banished to.
>Anon is not allowed to go up to Luna, ask her to turn into Nightmare Moon, and request for her to nibble all over him.
>Anon is not allowed to bring up "vore" in casual conversation.
>Anon is not allowed to ask Pinkie Pie, or anyone else, if they would like to see, play with, or set off his "party cannon"
>Anon is not allowed to play the banjo within 50 feet of any river, fjord, stream, or other body of water
>Anon is not allowed to go to Rainbow Dash's house and tell her he wants to come inside
>Anon is not allowed to paint his face black, storm into any place of business or residence, public or private, and inquire about the current location(s) of the "white poinies"
>Anon is not allowed to ask who phone is/was
>Anon is banned from doing anything "for the lulz"
>Anon is banned from doing anything "for science"
>Anon is banned from inquiring who put the bomp in anything
>Anon is banned from attempting to use ponies as his "personal army"
>Anon is banned from going more than 36 hours without showering; this is punishable by being hosed down in public
>Anon is banned from saying "no hooves" to any non-pony
>>20544195
>>Anon is banned from going more than 36 hours without showering; this is punishable by being hosed down in public
LEL, my last shower was on the 4th.
>>20538992
Fuck that was my plan if I ever went there...
>Anon is banned from telling Princess Celestia "Your sister's hotter."
>Anon is banned from telling Princess Luna "Your sister's hotter"
>Anon is banned from telling Princess Twilight "Your brother's hotter"
>Anon is banned from inquiring as to the extended family of Princess Cadance.
>Anon is banned from inquiring as to the extended family of Princess Cadence.
>Anon is banned from beginning discussions as to the correct spelling of any pony's name.
>Anon is banned from attempting to validate the spelling "Kheydinss" as a means of evading pre-existing bans.
>>20544479
>Anon is banned from inquiring as to the extended family of Princess Cadance.
>Anon is banned from inquiring as to the extended family of Princess Cadence.
Thinking this was done on purpose just makes it funnier.
>>20537356
>Anon is no longer allowed to slur "ayy lmao" at changelings
> anon is forbidden to proclaim that "IT'S HAPPENING" in public
>Anon is banned from suggesting "golden showers" to the Equestrian weather management
>Anon is banned from measuring stallion sheaths for"scientific purposes" or "research"
>Anon is banned from challenging unicorns and alicorns as well as stallions of any race to "sword fights," "fencing," and/or "crossing swords" of any kind
>Anon is banned from referring to visiting dignitaries as "kebabs"
>Anon is banned from any interaction with visiting dignitaries
>Anon is banned from instigating ANY musical number
>Anon is banned from giggling whenever any pony uses the word "winking"
>Anon shall be confined to his home and guards posted whenever a mare in ponyville goes into estrus/heat
>Anon is not allowed to request that ponies stop liking what he doesn't like, regardless of how inferior their tastes may be
>Anon is banned from lurking on rooftops while wearing a white hood around any form of royalty or nobility, even if he claims to be acting as a bodyguard
>Anon is to be reminded that a haystack is not an invitation to jump off a rooftop, no matter how strategically placed it may appear to be
>There is no such organization in Equestria as the Illuminati, and Anon is banned from any research into that subject
>Anon is not permitted to awaken any ancient evil on the grounds that it has overslept
>Anon is not permitted to awaken any ancient evil, period
>Anon is not allowed to ask Applejack who is a silly pony (that description fits Pinkie Pie better anyway)
>While Rarity has stated for the record that she admires Anon's efforts, he is still no longer allowed to enforce mandatory "dressing in style" regulations on Rainbow Dash
>Anon is not allowed ask Big Macintosh about his Mcnuggets, whatever those are
>>20545320
>There is no such organization in Equestria as the Illuminati, and Anon is banned from any research into that subject
They are trying to hide the truth
>Anon is not to change the forecast of Fillydelphia to "Always Sunny"
>Anon was neither born nor raised in West Fillydelphia
>Anon does not have an auntie or uncle who live in Bel-Mare
>Anon is not allowed to tell stories of how his life got "flip-turned upside down"
>>20545320
The first rule is shit. Every pony except Celestia has shit tastes.
>Anon is forbidden from using "shitty writing", "pandering", or "Merriwether Williams" as an explanation for anything
>>anon is to be kept at least 500 feet away from pinkie pie if he is in the posession of a laser pointer
>>Anon is forbidden from calling the princesses "Mein Furher"
>>Anon is forbidden from performing stage palys reenacting "fan fiction" (whatever that is), in public
>>Anon is forbidden to read his "fan fiction" in public.
>>Anon is forbidden from performing his "Fan Fiction" in the form of interpretive dance in public.
>>Anon is forbidden from reenacting his fan fictions in any form in public or private settings
>On a side, note, Anon is now banned from the basement of sugar cube corner.
>>Anon is banned from asking derpy if she knows what went wrong
>Be Fluttershy
>You are at home trying to treat one of your deer friends after Anon shaved off most ofbhis hair and wrestled with it
>You apply one last bandage on it's antler
"Okay, now you just be careful with that and stay away from that mean ol' Anon"
>You hear a knocking at the door, only that this sounds different from anypony
>The deer jumps up and bolts through one of your windows, breaking it in the process
>So much for saving for that Neyar concert
>You were really stoked to hear them perform Alicorn of Death too
>Better see what this jerk wants
>You open the door to find your neiiiighbor standing there with a bowl of cereal
>"Hey Fluttershy, what's Gucci nigga?"
>You want to treat him like a Jehoova's Witness, but then you remember Kindness
>You curse your element
>Why couldn't you get something easy like laughter?
>It's just seeing what this bafoon has to say
>You got this shit Fluttershy
"What is it this time Anonymous? "
>Kindness has nothing to do with your tone
>"I tried to eat some cereal this morning and I ran into a problem, so I was wondering if you could help me out"
>This idiot obviously forgot to buy milk again, so he's come here for a hoofout for the 4th tine this week
>You are about to tell him that you'll be back with some milk, when you remember about those new decrees that Twilight had put into place as a result of Anon's general creepiness
>Time to make him swallow his own medicine and even the spoon
"Help you out how?"
>he looks over his shoulders and whispers
>"Well I ran out of milk and I was wondering if you can help me with this"
"I'm still not following you"
>>20546348
>Anon is also banned from swinging her around in an attempt to use her as a weapon of "ass destruction."
>>Anon is banned from all of Granny Smith's future birthday parties, until he agrees to stop interrogating her about her age
>>20546363
>"*sigh* I need something to wash this down with"
"I'll get you some water then"
>"You're really going to make me say this aren't you?"
>Just a little more
"Say what? I haven't got the slightest idea o what you could be talking about "
>He checks over his shoulder once more
>"Fluttershy, can you give me some of your milk?"
>There's a white blur and you see Anon on the ground, cuffed and bleeding
>In front of you is a pegasus guard and next to him is his partner who is screaming at the human to stay the buck on the ground
>Just as planned
>"Sorry about this ma'am, we thought that this degenerate might have learned his lesson, but Princess Twilight still wanted us to follow him; once again, her intuition proved fruitful "
>Anon is tied up and thrown over one of the stallion's back
>"Well be sure that this scum gets what he deserves, have a nice day"
>-"But why?"
>"Shut up maggot "
>The guards bid you farewell and take to the castle
>You shut the door and head to the kitchen where you grab a bottle of cider from your fridge >You open it and pound the contents
"Celestia damn it feels good to be gangster"
>You are Fluttershy and nopony or body dares buck with you
>Nopony
>>Anon is banned from screaming "HEADCANNON ACCEPTED!" every time he learns something new about Equestria.
>Anon is banned from following any overweight pony playing a tuba.
>Anon is banned from owning a tuba.
>Anon is banned from shouting "Thanks M. A. Larson!" in public
>>Anon is banned from the cloudsdale rainbow factory
>>Anon is not allowed to ask factory employees "How many foals you get today?" as they leave.
>Anon is not to vandalize history books because he believes they are "not canon"
>>Anon is not allowed to reccomend new slogans to Iron Will
>>Anon is not allowed within 50 feet of iron will
>>Anon is not allowed within 30 feet of twilight sparkle while in possession of chocolate milk in quantities greater than 10ml
>>Anon is not allowed to ask applejack if she knows who is silly.
