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Anonymous
2016-07-15 06:58:32 Post No. 8280505
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Anonymous
2016-07-15 06:58:32
Post No. 8280505
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Help me write a better first page, /lit/? I'm trying to write a high fantasy, dark story about an optimistic man and a pessimistic girl looking for purpose in a cruel world.
Any tips about the writing or how I could better streamline things would be appreciated.
The world blurs around me, in favor of the ever increasing tunnel vision that seems to be overtaking me, and i’m not sure how much longer I could keep my consciousness. I don’t feel anything as my movement slows, and I fall down. I shield the body of the girl as we tumble down the small hill that felt mountainous, with my glaive frequently digging into my back. I begin to reconsider my glaive carrying methodology, but my short lived contemplation is shattered as the pain searing through every part of my body further reinforces abandoning consciousness in favor of a sleep i’d regret for the rest of a very short life..
As snow white trees speed past me, reminding me of the ever looming threat of frostbite, i’m left slowly falling into slumber, and I feel my heartbeat continuously slow. I refuse the honey sweet voice of death with every last bit of my willpower, and keep resisting as we reach the bottom of the hill. The girl seemed to have succumbed to the very unconsciousness I was so bitterly fighting against, and likely has been in such a blissfully ignorant state since I saw her being forcefully carried off by the very same who were chasing us now.
Desperately searching for a solution, and rest, I slide onto the frozen lake, and place the dangerously cold girl on a nearby patch of grass. As the gallop of their horses comes into hearing, I take the chance to examine the injuries I couldn’t feel. My hope was quickly shattered as I saw deep cuts on my thighs and calves. I have to make the most of the adrenaline from the hill still pumping through, I think to myself, before the pain catches up and i’m left immobile.
The horses reach the edge of the lake, but refuse to continue forward. At least that’s going according to plan. No time to gloat on my minor victory, there’s still the problem with the 6~ or so vengeful men who were sprinting onto this frozen arena. A large gust serves only to remind me of my wounds, but I refuse to be hindered by simple wind. I take off my cloak and wield the very glaive that had caused me a fair bit of discomfort on the run from potential death.
I think of the long years i’ve practiced this glaive, I think of the many hours travelling with this glaive, and I think of the minutes to pass in which I will survive with this glaive.
I've also never been good at writing any sort of action, and as I was planning to proceed with confrontation of the two parties, I would like tips/tricks/whatever on how to write proper, or at least enjoyable, action in fantasy.
