>>8188677
Again, no: it's edgy and blandly written. Please just give up.

>>8188683
thank u

>>8188683
what is edgy

>>8188677
>Everything I fail seems to rule me after the fact.

The only good sentence in this whole story and I wish it had a greater relevance. Next time build up that theme in your story mate, then dish out that line. Also, too bland. I know it's hard to write like a writer because you don't want to be called out for purple prose but try to fleshen up your prose.
Also, if you're going to have random ideas and acts scrawling all over atleast write in stream of conciousness or transition. I mean I think I get the mental state you're going for but it comes off as ridiculous. Even Joyce at least made his bland lives of Irish people a full scale epic.
Also don't characterize people and situations so much if they don't have meaning to the story. For instance, many these Old town guys couldve had lives that the narrator failed to get and thus at the end when they stream towards him he can compare it to being "ruled over."
Tl;dr I don't think you're completely lost but try to fleshen it up more and develop a theme so that the story can resonate more with the reader. If you want to write masturbatory accounts at least make your prose a bit more aesthetic.