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Anonymous
Pride and Prejudice and Fags (not homosexuals, but like lame people)
2016-06-19 07:09:43 Post No. 8180392
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Pride and Prejudice and Fags (not homosexuals, but like lame people)
Anonymous
2016-06-19 07:09:43
Post No. 8180392
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Ok buckle up this is my reimagining of P&P but this time around? There's fags. Hope you enjoy!
Elizabeth Bennet was eating a grilled cheese sandwich for breakfast with Steve, some faggot who had asked her out on a date.
"Sure is hot out today huh?" Said steve, who was an enormous fucking faggot. Ever since he was a boy people had shouted "Hey faggot!" at him from car windows and house windows and bus windows.
"Want some ketchup on that sandwich girl?" Said Steve, who's clumsy employment of african american vernacular, coupled with the ultimate faggot move of putting ketchup on food, was the ultimate confluence of faggotry. Not only that, at that moment his cellphone rang and the ring tone was a popular song at the time. It was the Faggot Store, and they wanted their fag back (Steve is their faggot.)
"Well I gotta go back to the Faggot store where I suck dick all day."
"Goodbye Steve" said Elizabeth Bennet as she finished her sandwich. She went outside the restaurant and the sun was shining in a cool but sad way, like life could end at any moment but that's what makes it beautiful. It was beautiful to be young, she decided, as she bicycled through the city. A bunch of ugly faggots beckoned to her: "Hey lady, wanna watch Game of Thrones and refer to things like guacamole as 'Guac'?"
"No thanks!" Said Elizabeth. She could tell this faggot had spent like $40 on his shoes, because if there's one thing that should be cheap it's the article of clothing you wear every day. "You're a fag I can tell by your gay shoes and shit taste." She spat on him and Nelson Mandela who had recently risen from his grave was passing by and hi-fived her mightily.
Her hand smarted from hi fiving Nelson Mandela so hard but in a good way, you know? She continued biking through town in a cool whimsical way, slaloming between manhole covers while riding with no hands. She got hit by a car and convalesced for 18 months before being released from the hospital. After 18 months of hospital food there was just one thing on Elizabeth's mind: to do pottery. At her favorite local pottery store she shaped some wet putty into a gay little vase. It was too small to put any flowers in but slightly too big to put on a desk and use as a pencil holder. It was the ultimate useless piece of faggot shit. She grinned like a jackpot millionaire "Fuck the government. We need to use our guns to shoot every agent of the government until we either implode or reach the moon." she said to no one in particular. The adderall was kicking in. It was time to create a new society.
