Whats the funniest story you've heard /lit/ and where did you hear it?
>>8163254
not really a story but:
my grandfather once gave my nephew a penny for christmas. he then said 'don't spend it all in one place' before bursting into laughter.
>I've never laughed so hard in my life
>>8163395
that's gold m8
>>8163254
A joke about Speedy Gonzales I've read here.
Wait, do you mean actual story? Or something on an anecdotal level? Because something like that happened to me. Colleague stopped showing up at work and when we dug a little, we found out that she found her unconscious dad at his place after she came home from work on a weekend, and how he's now in a coma. When we heard, everyone thought he had a heart attack or a brain hemorrhage and we were all really serious about it. But then we got wind of what actually happened.
The guy did a barbecue at home. It started raining so he took the grill into his shack where he just continued until he got unconscious from the fumes. Almost died thanks to a couple of sausages he really craved. Most of my colleagues hysterically laughed about this. The world is actually a cruel place.
>>8163395
your grandpa is my boy
>>8163254
I'm still laughing.
>>8163623
the finger in the ass joke from Underworld?
>>8163395
Wow, what a cheap ass. The greatest generation, huh?
>>8163633
It's from DeLillo? Heh, you learn something new everyday.
>>8163639
Back in his day, a penny was worth a dime and a nickel.
While Quevedo was in France, the king received notice of the complaints against him, that he was very obscene in his ways. So he called him and said "Either you leave my country or I'll have you hanged, because the things you have been doing here are not polite."
"No, Majesty, I will try to behave. Please give me another chance."
He says, "Very well, look. I will give you another chance just to show you I am a conscientious king, I give you license to play a trick on me, any trick that you wish, as long as your apology is grosser than the trick. I give you a period of three days. If within those three days you do not play a trick on me and excuse it with an apology grosser than the trick itself, you must leave the country or hang."
"Very well, Majesty. Give me those three days, and I will be here."
The first day passed, the second, and the third. And he couldn't find a solution for the fix he was in. Finally he has to come to the king's reception hall, and he still hasn't thought of a trick to play on the king and what apology to give, so he could stay longer in France, because he liked it there very much.
He hid behind some curtains. The moment arrived when the king gave audience, to receive all the notables of the town, listen to complaints or give advice or so many things of those times. When the king was passing by the curtains, Quevedo sticks out his hand and grabs him by the private parts.
Then the king says, astonished, "Quevedo! What are you doing?"
Quevedo says, "Pardon, Majesty. I thought it was the queen."
I don't know if it counts as a story but the various ancient Greek graffiti writings at Pompeii. I have no idea if they're real but they're funny either way. Found it in a thread on /his/ a while back. There's a lot more.
>I.2.20 (Bar/Brothel of Innulus and Papilio); 3932: Weep, you girls. My penis has given you up. Now it penetrates men’s behinds. Goodbye, wondrous femininity
>>8163841
>ancient Greek
>Pompeii
fuck off.
>>8163691
>I will give you another chance just to show you I am a conscientious king, I give you license to play a trick on me, any trick that you wish, as long as your apology is grosser than the trick
>as long as your apology is grosser than the trick
that makes no fucking sense, is the king a fucking retard?
>>8163632
but who was stage???
Candide
The Dice Man
feminist revenge stories like that one guy who had a vasectomy and his gf tried to admit that the baby she was carrying was his.
>that guy on /tg/
>/diy/ greentext is also funny
>tech support threads on /g/
I had to quit uni, move and delete all of my social media accounts because i diarrhead myself during a presentation in front of 156 people.
Afterwards i tried to Kill myself OD'ing with some pills i found from my mothers House but nothing happened. The pills were Imodium.
>>8163924
Irony! The story is cool but you would probably die from 50+ pills of Imodium
It's quite lethal, actually
Unless you have really strong stomach, of course
>>8163924
i've heard that somewhere...
>>8163848
Patrician boys and even some plebs in Rome had to learn Latin and Greek as well as to peak well in public
>>8163395
>don't spend it all in one place
Don´t get it.
