If all philosophers in human history were put into a giant gladiator arena and they were to have a fist fight to the death, who would emerge victorious?
Who would die first?
They're all gay so they'd just fuck and die of aids.
Trick question(?), none would fight
>>8054262
>were to have
wow you are one of the biggest high schooler on 4chan
>>8054262
I'd usually veer to the Greeks but then they'd be all like five foot tall
Diogenes. Skinny guys fight till they're burger.
>>8054302
Aquinas was also huge
Stirner, he'd bring a gun.
>>8054262
The Greeks would slaughter everyone.
>>8054262
Kant would probably die first since he'd refuse to fight. Also, autism isn't exactly a superpower.
>>8054323
he's was also a tiny gimpy goblet of a man.
>>8054262
>>8054321
>>8054308
These guys know. The Greeks would set aside their differences, band together, and slaughter the remainder. Most of the Greek Philosophers had ripped six packs and could toss stone columns. Diogenes once got jumped and had his ass beat so he went and wrapped his hands found the guy who beat his ass and beat him to near death. Aristotle was fit, Plato was fit, while Socrates is described as a manlet, Socrates is still described as being physically fit. The Greeks also loved to wrestle and show off how strong they are. There are tons of quotes by them about being fit. I can't name a single Philosopher after the Greeks who valued raw physical strength as much as they did, aside from maybe the Romans.
>>8054330
*goblin desu cheers
>>8054331
I think Nietzsche would be literally killed with one punch to the stomach.
>>8054349
That's because you're gay and don't realise all philosophers are equally shit so insulting one of them means you must like others and therefore got memed on sick it faggot
>>8054358
It's because he had severe stomach problems actually.
>>8054262
A better question is, Which of the Greeks would come out on top?
>>8054362
Haha I love when a fag denies it don't make excuses your obviously faking
>>8054262
The Greeks seem like hardy dudes. Some fought in wars or wrestled.
>>8054440
Not sure about manlets but they sure weren't tiny.
>>8054440
Most people before the 20th century were manlets.
>>8054344
This so much
>>8054440
I'd still be afraid of a 4 foot tall man who could break me in half with a single jab to my stomach.
Socrates was a war hero and Plato was a professional wrestler
>>8054503
Pro wrestling is fake though
>>8054520
Does that mean Plato was the John Cena of his day?
>>8054531AND HIS NAME IS PLATO
>>8054440
They'd be like 5'5-5'9.
Either way, they'd still literally all be soldiers and in peak physical condition. Modern philosophers, and even later ancient philosophers are, with only a few exceptions frail stock.
>>8054520
No it's not
Marx would die first, pretty much all of the Existentialists would die afterward, the Greeks would die last, Socrates would win
>>8054440
im not sure, the idea of people from older times being shorter comes from until the last few centuries, where most people lived in poverty and basically ate bread and suffered from regular diseases
didnt the ancient greeks basically live off deer/sheep meat and have all kinds of other things? certainly the philosopher class wouldnt be malnourished
>>8054791
I think either Nietszche, Kierkegaard or Evola would be the first to go.
>>8054817
We know from skeletal remains, they were shorter than recent times but not as much so, it seems like noblemen weren't significantly taller either until the 19th century
>>8054817
Archeology.
>Strength does not come from winning. Your struggles develop your strengths. When you go through hardships and decide not to surrender, that is strength.IF IT BLEEDS, he CAN KILL IT
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F2kAnTZBnTg
>>8054846
Conan is my favorite philosopher 2bh
>>8054262
It would be a toss up between Wittgenstein and Descartes.
Wittgenstein was an actual soldier for a while in the Austrian army and was known for his violent outbursts. He was made of hardier stock than most philosophers.
Descartes made a living as a legit mercenary and probably killed people, so he's no stranger to combat.
>>8054846
Infinite Chest
>>8054262
Stefan Molyneux.
>>8054885
Socrates>these niggas
>>8054895
Socrates, that lovable oaf? He wouldn't hurt a fly. Descartes on the other had would shank you with a sly grin.
>Sun Tzu and Machiavelli start a betting pool with suspiciously high odds on an exacta.
>>8054916
>mfw
>>8054899
Soc was a great warrior with a big dong.
>>8054262
Heh, probably would be the same just like this
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ur5fGSBsfq8
wittgenstein goes utterly berserk and uses bertrand russell as a human shield while brutalising everyone with a hot poker
wittgenstein wins
stirner maybe comes second, assuming we mean 2d cartoon stirner and not real stirner who was probably a clueless fop
is jesus a philosopher?
>>8054899
Socrates was a soldier and fought for Athens in battles.
>>8054948
I doubt he would qualify, and even if he did he would probably flop in the ring.
You sock that bastard in the face and he just turns the other cheek.
>>8054344
Alexander was 5 foot 7 and considered short by Greek standards.
>>8054960
Besides Sparta none of the Greek city states actively trained for battle
Schopenhauer goes straight for Hegel and beats his fucking ass.
>>8054962
jesus vs adam smith's got to be worth some teeth
>>8054948
Magic powers count as cheating.
>>8054970
>FULLEST FEELING OF THE SUBLIME, BITCH
>>8054970
Hourly reminder that Schopenhauer grabbed his landlady by the scruff of her neck and hurled her down a flight of stairs like an old pussycat
>>8054940
He was a teacher in a girls school.
>>8054885
>was known for his violent outbursts
Source? Not saying you're wrong, I'd just like to read more about this.
>>8055017
> But he soon had to return to Berlin to answer a charge of battery brought by a seamstress: Schopenhauer, who hated noise (and wrote an amusing essay [1851; translated, 1890] on the topic), had been enraged by her loud chattering on the landing outside his room; in the ensuing altercation he pushed her, and she fell down a flight of stairs. He lost the case and was obliged to pay her a monthly allowance until her death. (When she finally died, twenty years later, he commented, "Obit anus, abit onus" [The old woman dies, the burden is lifted]). The experience served only to make him more misanthropic and misogynous--his diatribe "Über die Weiber" (1851; translated as "On Women," 1890) is notorious.
>Obit anus, abit onus
Such moments make me want to learn latin.
>>8055017
What were you expecting to accomplish by reminding us of such fact, that he was a badass or a faggot who couldn't even beat a woman with his own hands?
>>8054821
Well Evola was in a fucking wheelchair, thanks to going on an existential stroll in the midst of a bombing run.
It'd probably be some half-mad goon like Nietzsche who'd go for the cripple.
>>8055077
He beat the shit out of kids pretty frequently, if that counts.
>>8054885
>Descartes made a living as a legit mercenary and probably killed people, so he's no stranger to combat.
What the hell?
Maybe Marcus Aurelius would do decent, he was both a slave and soldier.
>>8055126
Yeah, that's why I put him, he had good spirit, but was physically crippled.
Nietszche and Kierkegaard were sickly too though, and I could definitely see both of them shrinking from the situation.
>>8054440
People overestimate historical poverty, owing to the pauperization of industrializing economies.
>>8054969
You know aside from all that wrestling they practiced for, the drills, and daily work outs.
>>8054899
Is this a poem
>>8055142
Marcus Aurelius was never a slave, bro. You're probably thinking of Epictetus.
>>8054846
Those kind of weight lifters aren't going for strength unless they are in bulk season
>>8054278
What's the correct usage then?
uh oh oldfag alert
>>8054887
Truly underrated
The Greeks. Just as they win in philosophy, they win in personal combat. Plato was a trained wrestler before he was a philosopher.
>>8056533
I wish I could remember who won.
>>8056533
That was a good game
>>8056522
*had
>>8054262
For starters Zizek, Kierkegaard, Sarte, Nietzsche, and Hume would get pounded. I doubt any of them could even take a hit. Stirner would get BTFO. He died because of a fucking BUG BITE.
I would put money on Aurelius. That mother fucker was smashing savages by day and writing philosophy by night.
Ayn Rand would use her freaky frantic-eyes to psych out the competition and then close in for the kill.
>>8054262
Nietzche, Deleuze, and Guattari would be so coked out of their minds they wouldn't feel it
>>8057068
Sartre boxed when he was young. As an amateur of course, but still.
>>8057109
An enhanced field of vision too, he's got that going for him
>>8054440
Go let a professional fly-weight boxer who's only 5'5" or 5'6" punch you in the face, if you honestly believe height matters that much, especially outside of a rules-governed competition.
Honestly, Sam Harris would probably win. He's some high grade martial artist.
He destroys their arguments and he'd destroy them all phyically.
The. God. Man
>all this western philsophy
>everyone forgets 90% of chinese martial arts are built from philosophy about life and, therefore, conflict
>everyone forgets Bruce Lee's Jeet Kun Do was a philosophy and not simply a martial art
If the Greeks could stop literally fucking each other in the ass long enough to team-up against them, they'd have a shot, but I'd imagine all the fucking warrior-theologians and philosophers from China and Southern Asian would give them a run for their money, since they actually have a long history of putting their differences aside to fight common enemies.
>>8057165
Fucking Bodhidharma man
>>8057165
look at China's military history
even when they fight each other all they do is die
>>8057118
Fov slider to the max
