ITT We rewrite a scene or line from Shakespeare in the style of John Green
This might have been fake, like a hurricane.
>>8036220
Oh Juliett, I cannot love you.
Why Romeo?
There haven't been enough dicks in your cheerios.
Fin
>>8036220
Who is John Green? I see his name a lot on here...
>>8036242
A prolific author and YouTube personality whose works are worthy of being compared to those of the ancient Greeks. You should pick up one of his acclaimed pieces of work and brush up your literary knowledge.
>>8036261
>Start with the Greens
Twenty-year-old hothead Mercutio had passed away. He’d fought hard, they told me, as if there were another way to fight. Everyone else was still around.
>>8036266
kek/10
Life was seriously getting me down. I wondered whether I should go on living or just throw in the towel. Wouldn't it be cool and relaxing to just sleep forever? But wait, what if after you die there's like, freaky nightmares and all kinds of messed up stuff? For crying out loud! I decided I couldn't risk it.
>>8036287
Does he actually write like this?
>>8036220
The world's a stage, but the lights aren't on me. They're on her, and her beautiful eyes and soft skin, and her effortless mess of brown hair, and the part inside her that whispers out to me, “Seriously dude, she will never love you back. Just give up.” Her part is 90 years long and beautiful. My part is 50, and, so far, all 16 of them have been filled with video games and longing for the girl I could never get.
Life seriously sucks, like performing in a school play and not being able to act so you stand around awkwardly until it ends, hoping you didn't embarrass yourself too badly in front of that girl. Whoever's telling this story, the guy is really, really stupid. It's a really awful story, pretty empty of, like, any meaning at all.
>>8036320is it bad that I kind of enjoyed this?
>>8036266
John Green is my favorite Greek philosopher
Life? I can tell you about life. It's a real downer of a story, like some lame story being told by a dumb jock meant to impress his friends. I mean, it's loud and full of emotion and stuff, but it doesn't mean anything. Like pouring a bowl of cereal before realizing you ran out of milk.
>>8036414
This is the best one.
The three girls in the parking lot behind the Rite-Aid told me that first I would be elected class president for next year, and prom king after that. I told them that I was just a nerdy kid in love with a girl hopelessly out of my league, light years in fact, but they just repeated themselves. Life can be pretty weird I guess.
I couldn’t help but think that if people were light, I’d be a 23 watt eco-friendly flourescent bulb and Juliet would be a sun
>if people were like celestial bodies, then she was the sun, raising in the east
>>8036541
Young Adults
>>8036372
I also kind of enjoyed that tbhfam
>>8036543
Fucking kek
"You common cry of curs! whose breath I hate
As reek o' the rotten fens, whose loves I prize
As the dead carcasses of unburied men
That do corrupt my air, I banish you;
And here remain with your uncertainty!
Let every feeble rumour shake your hearts!
Your enemies, with nodding of their plumes,
Fan you into despair!"
Would have been the perfect comeback, I mused, as I sat sobbing into my Harry Potter lunchbox and remembering all the mean names that the older boys had called me. But all I have done was stand there and take it. Maybe next time…
This drop of blood proves that I am an illegitimate child, calls my father just a guy who doesn't care how many times he's tasted a cheerio, calls my mother an independent and mature woman.
I don't know this guy and have never read anything he did but I already hate him.
“Why are Shakespeare plays Shakespeare plays?" I asked them. "Like, why don't we read The Lion King for entertainment?"
"Hazel, eat."
"But why?" I asked. "I mean seriously: How did Hamlet get stuck with Shakespeare exclusivity? You can put Mercutio in Othello without anyone freaking out. But the moment your play has a star-crossed dead lover, boom, it's a Shakespeare play.”
>mfw John Green is to /lit/ as Anthony Burch is to /v/
>mfw at least I'm not John Green
I really don't know if I want to live anymore. It's just...I can't tell if it's better for me to stand up and deal with it or just throw it all away. Death is sleeping forever. That feels really good right about now. It will make me stop thinking about you and all the terrible things that happen on this planet - that's what I want. I want to sleep and dream! But there'a a catch. What if I have nightmares? Nightmares that remind me of you. Oh the horror! It's things like these that keep me up at night.
>>8037003
It can't be that bad.
I mean, Green doesn't let his wife take BBC every weekend.
Does he?
>>8036552
10/10
Hey Gonnerille your a fuckhead dickhead and I suck hahaha rock on hey there Gloucester your a fucker hahaha rock on hey Regan suck my dick hahahaha hey Don Jon suck it ha
If you have cereal with no milk, you don't eat the dry cereal; you pour it back into the box. So, running away is actually the bravest thing I could have done in this situation. In fact, running away is the best part of bravery.
>>8036552
:')
Life's but a walking shadow, a poor player that struts and frets his hour upon the stage and is heard no more. It is a tale told by an idiot and full of sound and fury, signifying nothing.
>>8036220
"Oh Iago, you have entrapped me in this quest for revenge just like a spider crafting a web. The wool has been pulled over my eyes, but the truth has come to me in a unique way- slowly, then all at once."
>>8036271
This really isn't bad enough to be Greenman
