Please confine all John Green hate to this thread. Thank you.
Has anyone here ever visited John Green Stadium in Thames, London?
>>8004275
No. What's it bad?
i hate john green
>john green
>>8004270
But John Green is fucking great. I'm kind of new here, so I don't really know, but do people really have a problem with him or is that just a meme?
>>8004331
>>8004331
worst bait I've seen in weeks
>>8004336
Honestly name one thing that's wrong with him. Literally one thing!
>>8004337
So name something that you don't like about him if I'm baiting so hard.
>>8004270
his writing is definitely good for YA. and I unironically agree with his progressive views on gender and sexuality
>>8004343
pandering, cliché'd, wankfests desu.
john green only writes to write about what he wishes he could have experienced as a teenager.
>>8004347
Ur fucked kid lol
The horde is coming
>>8004347
>I unironically agree with his progressive views on gender and sexuality
>>8004351
So if Green is writing about a fantastic teenage life but still providing the realities of life's problems at that age, what's wrong?
What do you like instead?
>>8004347
>>8004343
Ohboy
>>8004360
Joyce is better.
>>8004371
You're just a hater. Haters make us famous
>>8004302
No, it just surprises me that John Green owns his own soccer stadium in London.
>>8004374
So James Joyce wrote a better coming of age book set in the 2000's than John Green did? Doubt it.
>>8004360
>but still providing the realities of life's problems at that age
He's not though.
John Green hasn't been a teenager in forever, and it's super obvious. His characters don't act like teenagers, more like stereotypes of them, not to mention the fact that in most of his books they're more like "lolsoquirkyxd" fanfic characters than actual people. seriously, read some dialogue from his books. nobody fucking talks like that.
>>8004390
I've read a few of his books, and I thought that the young genius character who has only dated girls named Katherine was totally relateable.
It's almost like he was writing about my life!
>>8004382
No, Joyce wrote a better YA novel tenfold the literary merit of anything Greenhouse could dream of conscious, a century of years in the past.
>>8004401
KEK'D
>>8004403
Maybe, but in 2016, which of those two guys is writing better ya fiction?
>>8004408
That sounds terrible. Who wrote that?
>>8004416
We could dig up Joyce's maggoty skeletal corpse, tie a pen to its decaying hand, and whatever was scrawled limply and jaggedly across the page when we let the hand go would STILL be better than anything John Green has ever written.
>>8004371
>>8004356
>>8004401
>I unironically disagree with John Green's progressive views on gender and sexuality
>>8004347
We have a cuck over here, Hank.
>>8004428
But it would just be a scrawl. It wouldn't be YA fiction.
So John Greene is better hah!
Presented without comment.
>>8004568
It's poetic
>>8004599
Hes sensitive, lots of girls like that
>>8004599
This is the John Green quarantine. The Hank Green quarantine is down the hall and on your left. Thanks.
>>8004568
I don't get it. Is this supposed to be erotic?
>>8004606
well spook'd
More like John Meme at this point.
>>8004623
It's supposed to be a simile or something but it fails because it doesn't make sense.
More like John Peen'd (your daughter)
I'd bet $4 he's shitposted his fair share on /lit/ at one point
>>8004644
how can one man look so retarded and gay?
>>8004660
What if he's reading this thread right now?
>>8004682
How do you think he and his brother know we call them cucks so much?
>>8004628
>>8004697
I've tweeted, tumblr'd, texted, and even called them to let them know all about how big of cucks they are. They always block me but they never succeed.
Isn't he that guy that says 'I'm the library. Step on it.'
>>8004748
"Step on the library? I'm on it." was the quote I think
>>8004755
It's a metaphor.
>>8004429
>/lit/ is filled with Trump supporters
You really are new here
>>8004831
>john green will never step on you at a cereal store
John Green is my man.
>>8004429
those poor reds
>>8004809
>Implying
I bet you also think Infinite Jest and Mason & Dixon are "masterpieces"
How could you refute someone whose book is #1 on the New York Times Bestseller list?
John Green is the greatest young adult fiction writer of our time.
>>8004873
>Oh, you don't agree with me politically? I bet you fucking read bad books then faggot.
Typical Trumper fan
>>8004895
By being #0 on the New York Times Bestseller list.
>>8004895
>>8004911
>Bestseller
Don't you know that if one other person likes a book, it becomes shit.
Popularity equals shit, because reasons
U know who else was popular? Stalin
You know that author you know about that's bad? Hes popular
The way to find the best books is to aggressively hunt them down at yard sales, that way you know nobody has read them
Just like my virgin hentai waifu, as soon as someone knows a book before me, it's useless.
>>8004918
Being popular means it is easy to enjoy. I don't know if I could enjoy a John Green book and I'm really not looking into it doing so. He's a childish man with childish ideas.
>>8004930
Have you read one?
>>8004951
I've seen his Youtube videos. That's enough for me.
Has he ever released a definitive list of his favorite books?
>>8004403
What Joyce book is YA?
>>8005460
Ulysses
>"The thing Alaska did next scared and shocked and surprised me in a way nothing had ever ever scared or shocked or surprised me until that moment, a moment which lasted no longer than one sharp intake of breath but one I have no doubt will last my entire life. She said 'I love you'. Not 'You're cool' or 'I had a really fun time' or 'Do you always kiss like that?' I love you. As in 'I, Alaska Young, love you, Miles Halter'. As in 'I Alaska Young have not only noticed that you Miles Halter exist but I positively adore the fact that you do'. I exhaled. Alaska did too and for the first time I realized she was as scared as I was of admitting the way she felt. I stepped forward and held her hips. 'Are you sure?' I asked. 'I think so!' she replied, smiling. I must have pushed her backwards because just then her body nudged the lightswitch and the room became as dark as my life was without Alaska in it. Laughing, she slipped out of my grasp and disappeared somewhere inside the room. I reached out like a blind man searching for the object that might grant him sight. Truly, I was Looking for Alaska."
>>8004809
Not that anon, but if you are surprised by this board being filled with /pol/, you're the new one. It was only in the last year that the Christfags jumped ship to /his/
>>8005526
fuckkkkkkkkk my shit up familia
>>8005526
>Alaska
>Miles
>Hazel
>Augustus
Nigga's name is John.
>>8005891
Further proof that this fag writes his own escapism.
>>8005526
I completely thought this was real until the last sentence. I'm still not sure about the rest of it.
>>8005526
>the room became as dark as my life was without Alaska in it
how clumsy. how can even children read this and not puke
>>8005974
I'm not saying Jogn Green is good, but is that concept necessarily bad in and of itself?
>>8005526
I don't have a reaction image that depicts how hilarious and disgusting that is, so here's a Windows sample picture.
Fucking hell.
>>8005526
Yikes. It's even worse because that actually passes for his writing.
>>8004831
kek'd
Throwing in some coal.
Can someone tell me what the hell a "nerdfighter" is?
His writings are bad, but his videos on history are awful anti-historical bullshit. He has no training or talent for it, and he needs to stop doing it now.
>>8006102
her tits look like somebody put a bra over a rolled up towel
>>8004599
>he let John fuck his teen wife
true story
>>8006805
>Not practicing Prima Nocta with your family.
You're the weird one here.
>>8006165
John's kind of escapism is so blatantly obsessive and self serving that it is ridiculous. Every story is about a quirky misunderstood and pop-culture referential protagonist with a funky name reaching some kind of social, romantic, or sexual awakening because some equal quirky individual(s) penetrate their shyness and sweep them off their feet.
You can't tell me that this isn't a middle aged man fantasizing about the high school life he wished he had.
>>8004339
He's a protofascist skinwalker that seems to writhe about from movement to movement with all the grace and precision of rigor mortis and disguises some, to be frank, disgusting illusions behind a thin veneer of liberal tolerance.
>>8007817
All of these words yet so little said.
>>8004347
>good for young adult
It doesn't mean much to be "good" in a genre that exists solely to appease undeveloped and handicapped thinkers. Young Adult is essentially equivalent to just slapping "for retards" on the cover of a novel: there is no dignity in reading this shit unless you are young and trying to work on basic literacy.
>>8007948
I'd like to add to this; you say that these books are useful for those who are still developing basic literacy, but I honestly can't see how someone who is able to read and understand Green's shit with some degree of ease would have any real trouble with the majority of "classic" literature out there. I think YA is more of an issue in the sense that it promotes a style of reading that is just as sophisticated and challenging as watching a chick flick, except the readings will absolutely never come to terms with that realization because they are still nonetheless reading and therefore have the inherent impression that they are doing something smart. We live in a society where people read so seldomly, they get praised for reading literally anything that resembles a book.
>>8007957
*except the readers
>>8005526
pretty good famalam
This guy is the bane of my existence and the fact that his taste in bands is the same as mine makes me shudder.
Pic related, it's obvious he likes John Darnielle because JD does so many of the same things Green does, (write about quirky, troubled teens) only in a much more artful way.
I honestly doubt Green has listened to anything besides The Sunset Tree, and MAYBE some of the edgier songs off Tallahassee
>>8005526
After reading this post, I let out a short, sustained kek, the memory of which will last me a lifetime of nostalgia. This kek was so great in amplitude as to bring joy to thousands of families within its radius. Bless you, Anon. Good fortune and peace be upon you for all eternity.
>>8004416
So John Green is a good author by the virtue of simply being alive?
>>8005526
you got me good anon
>tfw entry-/lit/
>tfw scared that my writing skills are equal to John Green's
>tfw it's so hard to tell when you've only read a few screenshots of his works for comparison
>>8008264
I didn't know the guy who wrote Wolf in the White Van was in a band.
>>8008412
Try not to spend too many sentences on one thing/saying the same thing and you'll be fine. Also, unless you're writing erotica, try to separate your highschool fantasies and your novels to the best of your ability.
Basically, if it looks like something that would make their reader say something along the lines of "oh my goodd that's so mee!!", rewrite it.
>>8009364
Unless you're Hemmingway
I think John Green is okay, but I've never really paid any attention to him, can someone red-pill me on him?
>>8011191
He's a smug liberal manchild who writes the pathetic unattainable social/sexual fantasies he had as a teenager and then passes them off as "Young Adult literature"
>>8011290
I... thought he taught history and shit, the fuck? THAT'S what his books are about? Fuck man, I considered buying some of them, but I can just imagine my own childhood if that's all he does.
>>8011321
He's not even that good at teaching history desu. Too many shit jokes, not enough fax
>>8004653
So he's a pussy? Gotcha.
>>8005526
At least he can writethings that the masses like so he can have those cash moneys
>>8008264
wow you weren't kidding...
jesus fuck john green is less than dogshit compared to this...
>>8011443
>hurr the Persians were better than the Greeks
Even puts an oppressive leftist twist on some of history's most noble chapters
How do I write like him? I'm broke and I really need to make money, please help.
>>8011906
Be so sentimental that people think you're being sincere. Look up quotes from "Looking for Alaska." If you can be more sentimental than that shit, you've got a chance.
>>8011906
Think back to your high school days. Think about how intellectually superior to everyone else you were, but how they didn't know it. Now imagine that perfect girl you always liked, and imagine that she liked you too, and liked all the same stuff as you. Delve into your fantasies. Then you tragically lose her.
The End.
>tfw your friend asks you to describe a picture in a prose-like way so you do
>"Wow, you write like John Green!"
kill me
*cocks shotgun*
>>8011931
Even if you take it metaphorically, his second quote makes no sense and sounds like someone trying to sound intellectual using shitty, made-up analogies.
>>8011932
The third quote is nonsense too. It would be better if it didn't have "and I hope it's beautiful". If The "there" that Edison was allegedly talking about exists, then by definition it's beautiful, because that's implied by it being "there".
>>8011940
Oh yeah, I missed that. Can't believe people eat this up. Just because it sounds smart, doesn't mean it is.
>>8011954
Yeah. How about
>Thomas Edison's last words were "It's very beautiful over there". I don't know where there is, but I hope he was right.
?
>>8011957
Sounds better too. I think anything we say to improve his stupid nonsensical quote will always be far better than the original.
>>8005448
He likes Homer.
>>8011924
>tfw your friend asks you to describe a picture in a prose-like way
in what world
Loud farts from the start by Horny John
>>8005448
He said that he is inspired by Thomas Pynchon and Vladimir Nabokov.
>>8005548
i'm still here ;)
>>8005526
I hope this isn't real.
i wrote a John Green-tier poem in high school when i was a faggy teenager. it got published in the literature mag by a miracle but maybe i can cash in on it now
this girl contacted me because it got her so wet but i wasn't inclined to be attracted to her
>>8012197
They do that in school.
>>8012197
In the world of young adults.
>>8012702
It's not, but apart from the last sentence it's pretty fucking close
>>8004918
i can't argue with this
>>8004568
I'm sorry but the rhyming I just can't
>>8004644
He stop wearing those autism glasses
>>8004339
He writes like the author of Junie B. Jones on crack.
His plotlines are cliche
His characters are about as relatable as a chair.
I could go on forever.
>>8006602
This inspires me to drive my car off a cliff
>>8006840
This is how you get movie deals
>>8011940
What the fuck does Thomas Edison have to do with any of his stories...why should any reader care what Thomas Edison said as his last words in a teenage romance novel?
>>8013385
Pondering death would be expected when reading his books
how do we stop him, /lit/?
>>8014470
Maybe we can jointly work on a satirical novel in the style of John Green, and then publish it to amazon or something.
>>8014470
>implying John isn't the one making these threads
>>8015308
You got me.
>>8014470
We find out where he lives, stalk and terrorize his family, kidnap him, and make him prisoner in our dungeon where we each take turns torturing him until he dies. Then we feast on his flesh.
>>8012725
Post it, or athe least describe it
>>8005526
> I must have pushed her backwards because just then her body nudged the lightswitch and the room became as dark as my life was without Alaska in it
kek
>>8016583
>as dark as my life
as dark and edgy as my life
>>8014827
Good idea, but it would end up being taken seriously
>>8004436
>greene
>>8004599
Cuckoldry=empathy now?
>>8005460
portrait
>>8018034
are you telling me you can't empathize with how good it would feel to engorge throbbing BBCs with your every orifice while your husband sits in the corner choking himself, you chauvinist pig
>>8018034
Not by the strict definitions of the words, obviously, but in practice "cuck" is the new way of attacking people and policies as "soft," kinda like how "soft on crime" was used. It's basically the political equivalent of calling someone chicken.
>>8018500
ah, I see what he means now
>>8019282
Hank; he's more annoying.
>>8016538
eh, maybe it isn't as bad as I remember. it's endearing...whatever ill post it, rip me to shreds senpai:
The Eight Pillars of Happiness
The Pillars of Happiness
Not unlike the familiar pillars
Placed among the school,
Stands Five other structures
Comprised of a different pool.
Where the former discusses character
And all that that entails,
The latter is a lesser known
But likewise never fails.
Although each pillar is important
And thoroughly enjoyed,
Some are more than others,
Yet none should one avoid.
They've no concern for status
Or monetary gain.
Of power, none tell,
Save for the evils it can pain.
Of course, if used responsibly
Few things are of no use,
Yet even these do not the pillars condone,
For their very possible abuse.
For the pillars are of Family and Friend,
Of God and Romantic Love, too.
Yet the fifth pillar, oft-forgotten,
Is the Nature all around you.
>>8019735
ignore the first title
>>8019735
That fucking metre.
>>8019743
>'It's long,' said the Knight, 'but very, VERY beautiful. Everybody that hears me sing it—either it brings the TEARS into their eyes, or else—'
>'Or else what?' said Alice, for the Knight had made a sudden pause.
>'Or else it doesn't, you know. The name of the song is called "HADDOCKS' EYES."'
>'Oh, that's the name of the song, is it?' Alice said, trying to feel interested.
>'No, you don't understand,' the Knight said, looking a little vexed. 'That's what the name is CALLED. The name really IS "THE AGED AGED MAN."'
>'Then I ought to have said "That's what the SONG is called"?' Alice corrected herself.
>'No, you oughtn't: that's quite another thing! The SONG is called "WAYS AND MEANS": but that's only what it's CALLED, you know!'
>'Well, what IS the song, then?' said Alice, who was by this time completely bewildered.
>'I was coming to that,' the Knight said. 'The song really IS "A-SITTING ON A GATE": and the tune's my own invention.'
:^)
>>8019781
b-but hows the content?
is it homosexual?
is the end?
is all of it?
im still a romantic parasite but not in a john green cuck way
real question: do you think the women these men get respect them?
>>8019847
what about the national anthem of the usa? it's rhymed too
>>8011931
>Who is Hegel?
>What is life?
>>8019282
Hank isn't that bad a guy. He is a simple nerd who continues to be one. His annoying affectations are forgivable because he's really just some lame guy.
John is a much more dangerous upstart. He is self-righteous and stupid with too much influence for his own good.
>>8019871
He's the worst kind of "nerd", the type that self-identify as such and who wear tshirts with "Nerd" across the tshirt as if they're so happy to embody what is essentially a character-type invented by mainstream media to split human beings into demographics based not on race or some objectively measurable thing but on cultural subgroups whose Platonic form is represented in movies and tv shows. It's disgusting. An aspergic Nazi engineer who works in complete isolation and is obsessed with creating a complex machine to kill jews etc is more of a "nerd" than a guy who talks in a falsely expressive voice on youtube about how neat Star Wars is. It's exactly the same as the word "Punk", which pretty much refers to anybody who is willing to be independent despite drawing the negative attention of other people and "the norm". Now it's all about wearing spiked jackets and living in a squat with a bunch of HIV sufferers. Both Nerd and Punk should be mentalities, not physical descriptors or means of self-definition. He's a nu-male beta cuck using the "Nerd" image to trick impressionable girls into overlooking his obvious character flaws because he's supposedly some super-clever, socially oppressed guy who deserves their pity and affection. It's disgraceful. I'm more of a nerd for typing out this long-ass reply on an anonymous shitposting blog than some dude is for wearing pixel sunglasses and a tshirt that says "GOT RAM?"
>>8019892
>>8004599
can we rename them to The And Brothers?
cripes, seriously. i know why they do it too- they want to appear as if they're making some grand, passionate statement but it just blows
>>8004339
His name
>Cock is one of my favorite tastes. Not only that, but balls smell amazing. It makes me go a little crazy on it to be honest. Like, I cannot get it far enough down my throat to be satisfied. I’m only satisfied when I feel those intense, powerful, salty, hot pumps of cum down my throat. When I sit back on my heels, look up at you with cum all over my mouth and slobber running down my neck, hair all fucked up and wipe my mouth with the back of my arm and ask you if I did a good job and you cannot even speak because I’ve drained all of your energy out the tip of your dick….. That’s when I’m satisfied.
>>8019892
What would you say his biggest character flaws were?
>>8019892
a nice, empassioned post
how do we stop them?
>>8007957
John Green is actually easy to read. I don't understand where you get the idea that anyone who is able to read John Green is also able to read the majority of classical literature.
>>8019892
good post.
>>8021138
that made me hard desu
>>8021245
I didn't say that the majority of classical literature is easy to read.
>>8019892
Fantastic post, I've been saying this for years but you did it better than I ever could.
It was the last year of highschool, and my mother told me something that I just couldn't ignore. She didn't say "I love you", or "have a fun time at school", or any of that typical mom stuff that moms like my mom usually say. No, she said to me, John Michael Green, born in Indiana in 1977, future author of books such as The Fault in Our Stars and Looking for Alaska, brown hair, hazel eyes, around the age of 18 but going on 19, the following words, clearly, without pausing for breath and without an error in inflection: "John, what do you want to be when you grow up?"
"WHAAT?" I said, with an extra capital 'A' for emphasis. My mother seemed unperturbed by my immature use of capitalization and continued.
"I mean, what do you want to do?" she said. "Are you just going to sit in here and do nothing your entire life?"
I didn't know whether or not to be insulted. Stumbling on words, I said: "I-I wanna be a writer!"
"You need actual life experience to be a writer, John. What are you going to write about, anyway? Are you just going to write stories about fictional girlfriends you don't have?"
And that's what I did.
>>8019920
Can I add empathy beyond reason and with danger to your own life. Accepting refugees isnt the same as donating to a charity.
>>8004568
"If female pleasure was rain, then I was a DRIZZLE and chad was a HURRICANE"
>>8004270
Discuss
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CWSZxZK6v_c
>>8004599
>misogynistic language aimed toward men
But that doesn't...what?
>>8004270
Daily reminder he's a socialist
>>8019892
effortposters must be rewarded with (You)s
>>8004831
You put the quote end in the wrong place
>>8023682
>paternalism
ugh fucking neo-colonial imperialist white-mans-burden filth
>>8024606
>grrr I'm even more tumblr than you!
U G H
G
H
>>8022813
Also, empathy for your enemy is NOT cuckoldry. Empathy of Green's type is, though.
>>8023306
>that title
im not clickin that shit
>>8023682
>so whatre your plans f-
>tax tax tax tax tax tax
He has a high and:tax ratio
