"The idea of leaving the familiarity of Washington to go live in Chiang Mai is crazy"
"is crazy" doesn't seem to fit into the sentence, or am I stressing over nothing
tl;dr:
I feel like my writing is clunky, how can I make it more fluid
bump you fucking memelords
I couldn't believe my ears. Chiang Mai? I didn't even know what country it was in, let alone anything more specific. I doubted he could point it out on a map. I had grown accustomed to Washington, it was my home, my safety net, my playground.
Idk f a m there's my 30 second take on it
>"is crazy" doesn't seem to fit into the sentence, or am I stressing over nothing
You're right, it's clunky.
>I feel like my writing is clunky, how can I make it more fluid
read more
>>7886145
the whole sentence is bad and so is your pic related
It's definitely clunky, and does not flow.
"...idea of leaving the familiarity of..." awkward.
>>7886145
is this dialogue? if so, who cares.
if this is narration, which i hope it isn't, "is crazy" sounds fucking lazy. my eyes just glaze over it. be objective. "is unthinkable" "is unsettling" "is unimaginable" the character feels unsure if he'll addict to new surroundings? just say "washington"
"Leaving Washington to go live in Chiang Mai is unthinkable"
>>7886145
Of the myriad geographical potentialities, an abstraction that necessitates displacement from Washington to Chiang Mai would transverse the limits of Phlegethon into the depths of Tartarus.
>>7886236
>unthinkable
you were doing so well
No idea what the problemwith it is, it completes the main idea of the sentence.
Thais will scam you. They have a dual price system. The Farang fag will be fleeced.
>>7886207
Damn. That's way better than OP.
GET GUD OP YOU SACK OF SHIT
Leaving my babe Washington for that rogue Chiang Mai is a bananas concept.
>>7888541
that happens everywhere in underdeveloped countries.
how much does it typically cost in usd for a hot thai hooker who doesn't screw 50000 men per day?
>>7886207
>it was my home, my safety net, my playground.
grumble
>>7886145
The idea of leaving a familiar life in washington for Chiang Mai is absurd.
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There's no point in going to Chiang Mai at the cost of a familiar life in Washington.
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Giving up a comfortable and familiar life in washington for one at Chiang mai is absurd and ridiculous.
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Does it sound better anons?
>>7890435
How many zeros are there in infinity?
>>7890464
No. What town in washington? Washington is a long and clinical sounding word. Washington. Oh, and it works better as "go off and live."
The idea of leaving the familiarity of Grand Ledge to go off and live in Chiang Mai is ridiculous.
Anyway, you seem to be wishing that you wrote the whole work in first person from the start.
I couldn't imagine leaving my home in Grand Ledge for a life in Chiang Mai.
Add some contextual alienation to chiang mai.
I couldn't imagine leaving my home in Grand Ledge for a life in the small fishing village of Chiang Mai.
I have no idea where chiang mai nor grand ledge are located or whether or not chiang mai is a fishing village. The point is, you suck at this.
Are you writing your book in the present tense? Fucking dropped.
>>7886145
"The idea of leaving the familiarity of my home in Washington to go live in Chiang Mai seems insane"
>>7886145
why not get rid of the passive voice you beta cuck
>>7891607
I'm not even OP bruh:/ I was just trying to improve OP's sentences using only and exactly the information provided by OP. I assumed that the context was given by OP in the preceeding or following sentences.
Why don't you suggest an improved sentence?
