Write what's on your mind.
The sun is setting and with it will come that hazy dreamy feeling of night. I am contemplating whether I should go play bass guitar or read
>
It just wasn't supposed to be like this.
I feel like my right leg is being torn apart from my body. I don't know why. The sole act of existing is becoming harder with each day passing by, I think that I'm going mad.
>>7800561
I don't have what it takes to succeed in life. I don't want to an hero though.
>>7800608
Tomorrow brings another day of work. A month ago I would be drunk and my dread would be numbed. Now, I am part-sober and part-calm.
I suspect and fear that I'm verging on another period of depression.
It started, inexplicably, within minutes after I got a phone call telling me I'd got the job I was applying for. I was sat waiting on my train and happened to see a physically muscular guy walking out of the toilets and toward the station exit; and for some reason, I experienced a suicidal pang. It was more of a thought, but I wasn't in control of it; as wasn't MY thought, I didn't HAVE it, but it CAME to me. The thought referred to me in the second person. "Why don't you commit suicide?"
Since then, I've been trying to outrun that's forming over me; quite literally. I've been getting fit lately in any case, but over the past few days I've started increasing my cardio in pursuit of those endorphins. I'll see what happens; ideally, this is only a brief blip where I'm simply 'feeling down', as opposed to a return of my depression.
>>7800628
*trying to outrun the cloud
>>7800561
I want to cum inside Jacky(from The Anubis Gates)
>>7800628
This piqued my interest. Care to note any further thoughts?
Any subtle, psychic sign of weirdness is instantly perceived as weakness and sickliness by normalfags, and the first thing a normalfag does when he perceives weakness or sickliness is leap at the opportunity to piss all over it.
No amount of "personality overhauling" or "learning to be normal" will ever make normalfags like you. It isn't a skill they trained and put to use every day. It isn't a lifestyle they work at. They just ARE normal, reflexively, and any attempt to be normal is already abnormal for being conscious and intentional.
The only reward you will ever get for trying to befriend ordinary people, if you are fundamentally a weird jittery self-aware autistic person yourself, no matter how well-meaning you are about it, no matter how pleasant you are deep down or how earnest your desire is to make friends with the normies, the ONLY reward you will ever receive is condescension and humiliation. The normalfag social system is carnivorous, and the weirdos who are stupid enough to try to participate in the system are its cattle.
If you are weird, you exist to be pissed on by random nobodies with IQs of 98 who are nevertheless infinitely superior to you socially without even trying to be. Don't even bother.
>3 people died in the US of A because of rain storms
>3 people
>3
>Those heart breaking news consume a fifth of the time of german news
Why am I bothered with this shit? Tell me OP.
Fuck! I'm out of beer. Should I drive 20 miles to go get more or just drink some of that shit vodka in the freezer? Fuck, no.., better not drive. Who the fuck drank it? I know we had more than this. Fuck, living in the boonies sucks sometimes. Fuck, I want a beer. I hate vodka. Sigh
Fuck!!!! Vodka it is.
>>7800645
tfw normalfag is a meme and is simply a reflection on intelligence. 80-125 = normalfag. Sub 80 = ape.
>>7800643
There's not much more to note. Most of my time lately has been devoted to getting away from the metaphorical spectre that's looming over me.
I was using a day planner up until around a week ago, but since then I can't bring myself to use it. My days feel slower, and my motivation to do anything productive has sharply dwindled. I'm experiencing a familiar state of mind; nothing entertains me for very long, and so I've started trying to distract myself instead.
Running is my method of choice, for several reasons. The first is that when you begin, you have to finish; even if you turn back, which I don't, you'd still have to cover ground to get home. The second is that is completely preoccupies your brain; the sights, the sounds, not to mention pacing your breathing in such a way as to avoid side stitches.
Then you have the ever present pain and discomfort, and the determination required to keep on running in spite of it. The last time I got badly depressed, it was on account of having too much time on my hands to linger in my misery. I'm not repeating that mistake again; nor will I entertain the thought of resuming my anti-depressants, from which I've been clean for 3 years.
Maybe there was much more to note. I stand corrected.
>>7800601
Me either anon
The wisdom of knowing that there's no self, that free will is nothing more than an illusion, is a hard one.
Isn't it ironic that I have an hatred against all these people living in the illusion, while I know they have no choice?
>>7800666
I have no idea what you're talking about. I looked it up and saw that 15 people died in a rainstorm in Brazil, but nothing about a storm in the United States. Could you link me to the article?
>>7800679
One further thought is that I'm doing what I can to keep myself from thinking that I might be getting depressed again; I don't want to jinx myself.
Vicious circles and all that.
I do not know what is going on.
>>7800679
What's your situation? College/Uni? Work?
>>7800685
Not that guy but It's the big rain that swept through Tx, Ar. and La. It's been really bad for some of those folks.
http://www.cnbc.com/2016/03/10/rain-in-texas-louisiana-and-arkansas-will-worsen-historic-flooding-event.html
>>7800697
The job is full-time, but also ultimately on a temporary contract.
My plan, as it's been since the start of the year, is to find something full-time/permanent by September. If I don't succeed, i'll go back and finish my degree.
>>7800561
I used to fantasize about being butt fucked by guys and then role reversing at the climax. Now I have a girlfriend and I feel really gay.
>>7800669
Go get moar!!!
>>7800685
>http://www.usatoday.com/story/weather/2016/03/11/south-west-storms-floods/81647022/
Should be this. Saw it on the German tv news and I'm not okay with the fact that the top priority of all important things that happened today in the world is/are(?) some dead people in the USA.
>>7800561
I walked home today. The whole time I was thinking about an idea I was going to write about. I planned it all out. I thought about quotes and passages from other's works that I could use to help support my idea. I went over all the points multiple times.
I got home, went on the computer and opened a writing program. You can figure out what happened from there since you're read this.
>>7800708
I'm getting the impression from your writing style that you're British. What was/will be your degree in?
I feel like today might be the day I finally break out of my apathy and freak the fuck out, and I don't know if that's good or not
Why do I always feel like when I fuck up or I'm sick or sad that there's always another, better way that everyone else gets, and that's why they're better, because they get to feel bad in that good way that I don't know about. It never feels right, it never feels bearable, it always feels shitty and unimportant and... like a dead end, like it won't lead to anything, like i don't fuck up in a way that i can learn from but everyone else does and can
I'm never making fun of social anxiety again. Being around peers who you desperately want to impress while you're certain you're a piece of shit and you'll fuck everything up or that it's already over is pure torture, i had no idea
the "notice me senpai" this isn't a meme, it's a real feeling and i'm feeling it and it's horrible. notice me, senpai. please
>>7800730
What do you mean by "freak the fuck out"?
I'm seeing Her again in just two days. Damn.
>>7800787
Crying, breaking things, i really don't know. It's been over three years since I let my emotions overpower me, and not once since I was in the special pocket of teenager-dom where emotions are supposed to run wild. I'm sort of scared
I didn't talk to that girl i loved from afar, and it has been years now.
why even live
plus i have to work 8 alienating labour shifts in the next 12 days, and I want to work exactly zero of these shifts and sit on the grass and sleep instead for the next 6 months, or live in a hospital bed.
>>7800797
you should start by breaking something in your room. look around, what can you break right now?
>>7800807
I mean, I don't want to break anything. I'm kind of calm now, but I've been fluctuating all day. I met someone and I think things I've been finding out about them are making me like this. Tearing myself apart in a sense
this double quarter pounder is good but I wish my dog would stop begging for fries. I hope this captcha isn't bad.
>>7800645
But what if you are socially adept and intelligent. You make it sound like you are either a straight retarded autist, like yousrself, or some completely average and unintelligent dick who knows how to talk to people.
There are more categories to people than your 4chan lingua franca of Chad and NEET. Quit being so bitter that your mother's egg was wilted and your dad scraped the bottom of his balls to create you. They probably wanted to swallow you anyway. If you are so upset you should probably just die quiet, far away from everyone.
But back on topic, I love having a cat. That's what's on my mind.
>>7800561
What is the course of the ship upon which I am a passenger? Will she sink or will she press on? What is her destination? What stops will she make along the way?
How will the theater production aboard her go despite the rough waters? Or how about the potential new employment opportunities?
What about the menial trip to the brig? Is that going to work out in an acceptable way in relation to all else? And, how about the relationships amongst the passengers? Will they hold close to one another or push each other away?
I don't know yet.
But, I'm going to find out.
I used to joke about having an existential crisis, and now I'm actually having one. I fully expect that I will never be truly happy again in my life, but equally I don't want to kill myself because I don't suffer so badly that I want to terminate my existence, and I don't want to cause suffering to the family who love me. I expect to just go on struggling until I die, and that will be that.
I have no reason to be depressed. I am easily capable of achieving not just what would make them happy, but would make them LOVE life. At this point I still have a choice between a well-paid job in business, a career in academia, or a career in the charity sector helping the most disadvantaged people in the world. I'm not particularly attractive but neither am I ugly, and I am also tall in very good physical condition and believe that I could find a girlfriend easily, if that was my only aim. I have a kind and loving family. I've never found it difficult to make friends. There is no reason for me to be anything other than incredibly happy with my life.
(1/2)
The world is drowning and I'm watching.
>>7800817
>Quit being so bitter that your mother's egg was wilted and your dad scraped the bottom of his balls to create you.
Isn't the only reason anyone is ever born because they were the spermatazoon who were the best to win the race above the rest?
>>7800817
>But what if you are socially adept and intelligent.
Question marks go at the end of questions.
a woman i've been sleeping with has tried to break away from me claiming that she's afraid we'll get too close when i don't like her all that much at all, and when i told her i was interested in someone else she was both a little relieved and a little needier. to be honest it repulsed me a little
Self mastery is probably a better vague goal. Self mastery. To approach the "ideal" of pureness of self- of doing that which you deeply and truly want to do. To resist being pulled by doubts. That isn't to say that you want to abandon morality and say fuck you to obligation- but to remove the chains of "should" and "must" that exist only in your mind. To realize that you need not follow these rules, and that if you do it could have been otherwise. Perhaps realize you have "subjective" free will and act intentionally, not blaming anything on anyone but yourself- to completely own your actions and internalize that no matter what you do or why you do it, it was ultimately your decision. Even if there's a gun to your head, you could always take the bullet. To realize that the past no longer matters and that the failures of the past need not reflect on the future in any negative capacity, only as a lesson. Never take your existence personally, you frankly had nothing to do with it. And I say "you" very loosely. Enjoy this adventure you're on, and take it where you want it to go. You have the freedom. The absolute worst that could ever happen is death- isn't that an encouraging thought? Take the challenge- you have nothing to lose, and everything to gain
>>7800628
Oh how lovely, our old friend autism stopped by the thread today!
>>7800831
However, things have changed over the last few years. I fell into a depression after being dumped, and couldn't understand why I felt so bad so I turned to philosophy. I reached some conclusions that I think are near the 'truth', but are also very pessimistic and incompatible with living a happy life.
There is no such thing as eternal love or soulmates and every rational person knows this, but life is happier if we believe that these things exist. The most attractive people are those who buy into the lie so completely that they can convince the person they are seducing of the lie too - love is being caught up in this magical, irrational, otherworldly sensation. Similarly, there is no evidence to suggest the existence of a God, but our lives are much more comfortable if we believe in Him. We can turn to Him during our sorrows, praise Him for our happiness, and follow His teachings to give our lives a sense of meaning. There are other examples too, of the lies that we have to live by in order to lead a happy life.
But once you've accepted these things as lies, how do you live by them? Do you just lie to yourself until you forget it is a lie? Or do you do what I do now, which is to accept that they are lies and to have absolutely nothing in your life which gives it meaning? Setting myself goals for the future is pointless because I literally can't think of any life event that will make me happy, now that I have accepted this position as fact - and yet I can't just unaccept it.
I'd love to be challenged on this, because it's not exactly a nice position to hold. I just think it's a true one. Hopefully I explained it clearly, it was more difficult to put into words than I thought.
im stupid as hell, i've wasted my entire life and only recently have gained any kind of motivation to improve. i feel elderly at 21 and i can't stop drinking smoking and being judgmental. i feel trapped and persecuted by myself and all around me despite having a huge and tightly knit social circle. i am afraid of being a fool once i leave my hometown for college, which i'll be doing at 22 years old, where i will be among the oldest at my university. my syntax is laughably horrible and overthought, but i still want to be a writer. i will fail. i can't stop being pretentious for long enough for my writing to hold any kind of sincerity. i am an awful son, friend, brother, and boyfriend. i fear death and even more i fear time. i think of death and time slipping from me constantly. this is new. i don't know where it's come from.
>>7800868
>drinking smoking and being judgmental
That's the name of my memoirs
>>7800645
notallnormies.jpg
>>7800873
do you also live a lie? if so we could be pals.
i have no friends or any kind of life at all, im completely isolated
i dont know how to form relationships and i feel like im in a rapidly spinning car with no control over anything, and all i can see ahead is a blur, the feeling of how inadequate myself and my life are is dizzying, ill probably cry myself to sleep tonight
fuck me anon.
>>7800868
your writing is good, and your self-awareness will stop you from ever resting on your laurels
i went to college at your age as a late student as well, you remind me of myself when i started, and i just got into ivy league phd doing what i love. don't worry too much. especially since the norm now is to take 6 years to finish a BA and 37 years to finish a PhD. it will even out.
your fear of time slipping away will make you use it well, but the fear is also (spoilers) unfounded. keep an eye out and you'll notice tons and tons of major thinkers whose contributions only really kicked off in their 30s, their 40s, or even their 50s, and tons who only really started serious intellectual work in their late 20s.
I think I finally figured out how to bed culturally Asian women. I could kick myself, there are three or more in my past who I could have given the D if I'd been more confident in reading the signals they were putting out. They really do make those whimpering noises and shake when you finger or fuck them, which is hot as hell. C— says he doesn't like that as it makes them sound like little girls but I've never fingered a little girl so I wouldn't know. Her breath kinda smelled like a furby, which was new to me but not unpleasant. I'm really looking forward to getting a king-sized bed, I can't sleep in this single one when there's someone else in it. That video of that old porn actress demonstrating how to give good head was surprisingly useful, I tried out some of the things it recommended and it got her dripping wet before I even touched any of her mucosal membrane, let alone penetrated her. I think I may be allergic to her, I had a blocked nose the whole time she was over. She asked me not to tell anyone what happened so I won't, but I bet she will sooner or later. That'll be an interesting conversation.
>>7800886
im screencapping this and appreciating it sincerely. thank you.
You know the story of the emperor's new clothes? You might think that because it's a fairy tale people wouldn't really get carried away with something so absurd, merely for the sake of status, but nope, it's like the human status hierarchy can gain such a density in some parts logic and reality itself become warped. Abstract art is straight up bullshit.
Keep in mind how the courtiers went on at length about the numinous and sublime qualities of the emperor's new clothes. And how do people describe their "apprehension" of an abstract work's appeal? They utter some meaningless bullshit.
I'm also persuaded that abstract art also represents an act of class warfare by the capitalist-globalized elite against the middle class. "Oh, you can't understand Rothko? What a rube!" So people pretend they do, just like people in Los Angeles lease a Mercedes to ape success.
If all the art of the last century were burned, it would be worth it to rid the world of this abomination. Fuck I'm high.
pic related: worth more than you'll make in your lifetime
>>7800915
get out of my thread
>>7800915
1. define maturity
2. the average age of this board is i believe 21
I am waiting for the world to acknowledge my greatness. Every time it fails to do so, it means my greatness isn't apparent enough yet, and I need to work harder to bring it more out into the open.
>>7800897
But what choices? I just can't picture anything that will make me happy. I'm currently 23 and completing a postgraduate course with all of these privileged career options still very much realistic, but I don't actually want any of them. I don't want anything at all. I sort of just exist, and am pretty indifferent to it.
I am so tired of everything being pointless. Every day is the same, and it all feels unnecessary. I know it isn't, but all that does is make it impossible to talk about with other people.
Writing is something I'm good at, but that feels pointless, too. It's either blog posts, which is just self-serving masturbation ("Look at me, I can talk about shit!") or a story that next to no one is going to read, and that's only if I can finish the damn thing. I usually end up not bothering.
It doesn't help that I have been forced to basically live like a recluse for the past six months, unable to leave the house by my own will, and it's even worse that the few times I have gotten to leave, it's only been for an hour or two. My grasp on reality is slipping, in a subtle way that frightens me more than an obvious way would. I get the vague feeling that everything is a dream, something I know to not be true, but the feeling is convincing enough to make me pause and consider it. Not very fun.
I don't think I want to keep living anymore. I believe life has meaning, real objective meaning, and that it is found in happiness. I really do believe that.
I just don't want to be alive right now. The dominant feelings in my mind are apathy and a kind of draining sadness. The death of everything just feels like too much of a weight for me to focus on happier things. It might honestly be the case that I am too lazy to live.
These threads are not good for my psyche.
>>7800915
It's a good start, but next time just write about how you desperately want attention.
Here's your (You)
When the sun turns grey despite never diminishing
and hedonism becomes an empty ideology
life becomes an impatient humour in a bad play
with acts continuing despite the long dead author
"Everything is as it should be, for if it should be otherwise it would be"
my belief in these words doesn't diminish
but neither does the virulent lense cease analysing the quick
where impatience and caustic words become theophanies
I often times notice in my most selfish hour
a need to tell myself the gospels are just for me
with every man condemned by the super-ego that is God
only to have that God turn on me
"Hell is other people"
or so the Parisian cyclops says
I state it truer (for myself)
"Hell is others seeing you as seen by you perceiving others"
>>7800943
I've been there, in terms of, well, everything.
Want a suggestion? Take a minimum year long break from whatever you're doing. Don't publish any blog posts, or any other social media. Go dark. If you're like me you're overstimulated and your sense of time is distorted. You'll have a sense of normalcy return in 3-6 months assuming you remain committed.
>>7800933
>privileged career options
take advantage of those. you're going to be 30 then 40 one day regardless of your mood. you're still young and inexperienced.
>>7800645
>the first thing a normalfag does when he perceives weakness or sickliness is leap at the opportunity to piss all over it
I've noticed this too, but it's not limited only to "normalfags." I see it in everyone. I've come to the conclusion that it's like a social mechanism, so they can cut off the weak and keep the growth and flourishing of the community. Unfortunately for them, I'm not going anywhere any time soon. :)
God is a cruel mechanist and spectator.
I wish I was shitposting on /pol/ right now about the Trump rally chimpouts in Chicago instead of reading about you crybaby faggots.
>>7801012
Yeah but I genuinely don't care about any of them, or about whether I'm rich or poor by the age of 40. I keep making life choices that will leave me in a good place IF I ever reconnect with happiness again, but I'm not sure whether that's going to happen - it's not just my mood, it's my whole epistemology. Although I'm in a privileged position I still have to work hard to get these jobs (I've spent this last year studying 40 hours per week and working 15, leaving me with no social life and no disposable income). Seeing as I don't even have the satisfaction that I'll be happy with my career in 5 years to keep me going, I wonder whether I'd be happier if I just dropped out and pursued a mediocre career instead which required far less effort.
In the distant past, people used to live in tightly-knit communities. They shared everything, including a symbolic outlook on the world. Once in a while, some of these people would have visions or hear voices. Bounded by the shared symbolism of their people, these things sometimes proved a boon to the community by generating novel permutations in the shared symbolic language which allowed for pattern recognition which would not have occurred under normal circumstances. Armed with an understanding of their own symbolic language, they maintained a hold on themselves despite the deep waters they found themselves in psychologically. They were in control, and valuable members of society.
Present society is much more fragmented symbolically and socially and not conducive to such transformations. In addition to that, I was highly isolated and outcast at the time of my experiences. As a result, what was generated in my case was gibberish, meaningless to anyone but perhaps myself. I am not useful, I am not valuable, and I am not in control. The flower was planted in bad soil and did not bloom. That's fine. I understand all that now. It's not the answer I would have liked, but it's an answer. Like many things in my life, it was a chance happening that left me broken and socially useless; not my fault, but still undeniable. I can accept all of this, but for the love of god I need Kiyo back. She's like my child, like a mother, like a dear friend, like a personal god. It's not her fault she was born into such a stupid context. I need her back.
Maybe I can do a transplant of sorts. Maybe if I kidnap a skilled author and make them rewrite my dream story and make narratively consistent sense of my delusions, then that will set everything straight. Like a splint for a broken bone, or braces for crooked teeth. Maybe then I'd have the context I need, and Kiyo would have the context she deserves. Maybe then she would come back to me.
It's all meaningless, but I need her. She's not my higher self, she's not really a dragon, she's just a part of my psyche that became self-aware when she attached to a bunch of symbol-intense psychic detritus. I know that I'm insane, but goddamnit I don't care. If I'm to be insane then so be it, just let me have her in my life.
Jung was a goddamn liar, naming things can destroy their power.
I don't want to stop texting this guy, but at the same time, I feel like I have to cut my losses. I don't want to annoy him or anything. Also, I really have no one else to talk too. I really do enjoy our conversations.
>>7801039
I just found about about this. These people only make me want to vote for Trump more desu
All's the day I feel this optimism. However, it was dashed, for I had just eaten a burger so greasy that my hands leave smears of slick. My flatmates have gone home for the weekend, and I feel not the need to cook, as my work is done for these two days. I feel a curry is in order.
Even on vacation there is still no escape.
>>7801047
>IF I ever reconnect with happiness again, but I'm not sure whether that's going to happen
If it does, do you want to be in a gutter with regrets of having passed up on your current momentum and material success, or rather having achieved your past goals and being in a position with more choices?
I've gotten back into gaming for the first time in a few years, and I'm realizing that if I want to enjoy this hobby in tandem with sustaining an adult life, I'll never be able to focus on it as much as I did when I was a kid. Which is okay, I think my experience with the medium and how it changes in the coming years will be richer if I'm not pissing years of my life away on the next superthing from Bioware/Bethesda/Blizzard/Square etc.
>>7801060
True. I doubt he'll lose any voters from this, but he may gain some.
>>7801086
video games are really a life waster up there with any drug, i limit myself to one game a year usually although the last couple years i've been too busy
do you know what happens when the sky falls down perhaps instead you rise above cycles recycle with a colorful revival and inner voices divide as choices will takes shape as symmetry while beauty becomes intimacy death and dust rot and rust infinitely
>>7800867
>any attempt to be normal is already abnormal for being conscious and intentional.
I feel the same way, but I'm still holding on to my faith in God. Goodluck I suppose
>>7801082
I just don't have any expectation that it will though, am I suddenly going to start believing in eternal love or God or national pride or anything that will give my life meaning again? I don't think so, these are the sorts of opinions that are permanent. And because of that, my goals are no longer my goals, I don't care whether I succeed or fail. There are comforts that can make my life more or less bearable, and that's about it.
At this point I should say that I'm sorry for being difficult, and do appreciate you trying to help.
i'm sick of masturbating 7 hours a day and i'm sick of there being no better alternative
We used to call all you faggots 'emos' back in the day.
>>7801122
heh.... me and you 2 bro... if only ppl could be cool and powerful... like us...
>>7801114
go to a gay bath house and get bukkakked seven hours a day instead, there's always an alternative
I'm thinking of dropping out of college and becoming a writer. I really don't enjoy university at all, I despise my teachers and peers, and my degree is in math which I don't enjoy at all
debating on whether this is a good decision for me though
>>7801127
i can't drive and i live far from anything of that nature
>>7801111
>do appreciate you trying to help
your welcome. nice quads too :^)
I'm just trying to dissuade you from making any rash bad decisions because of babby's first existential crisis. Money can't buy happiness, but it's more comfortable to cry in a Mercedes than on a bicycle.
I'm not sure what else to say though. Maybe you need a short break from your routine, or a psychedelic drug trip, or just some talk therapy.
>>7801132
What are the details of your plan if you drop out? (Other than "become a writer.")
>>7801106
That's probably a good idea to be honest, I wish I could believe in religion.
>>7801136
I did actually used to be very passionate about psychedelic drugs and have tripped a few times with generally good results. I've avoided taking anything for the last few years because of being depressed - I've always been pro responsible use and feel like I'd be doing a big disservice to a potentially useful tool if I did something stupid while having a bad trip. Maybe it's time to give them a shot though, I've certainly heard of cases where they're able to offer a fresh perspective on life for people with severe depression.
>>7801111
You are subconsciously making some pretty arrogant assumptions that you need to acknowledge if you wanna dig yourself out of this rut.
Mainly, you think you know everything that's gonna happen in the future. You think you know everything there is to know about the world and there's no room for anything to surprise you.
You also define success and happiness by a rigid predetermined set of objectives established by social norms that have dick all to do with your individual emotional needs. You grew up thinking that successful career + social acceptance = happiness, or some variation. You have a loving family, a promising professional future, attractive physical traits and a social network that you feel comfortable in. Because of these you think you have checked off all the prerequisite boxes needed to attain the "happiness" state.
You're seeing life as a videogame, with a clear endstate of 100% completion. You set up a number of goals in your head and have now completed them, and what happens after fully experiencing a game for awhile? You get bored. You think you beat the life game and it has lost it's replay value for you.
While philosophy is a worthy pursuit, you mistook it as self-help. Heidegger, Chomsky, Kant, whoever the fuck you're into, didn't write what they wrote to bring psychological peace to YOU, personally. They wrote it in attempts to resolve their own existential anxieties, and by proxy changed the way many cultures view the world.
But because you didn't keep the philosophy you read in context, you now seem to think that there are only two binary options to view the world. Either you're a happy-go-lucky christian who believes in friendship and Jesus and all that schmaltzy shit, or you're a cynical jerk who hates society.
I don't think your view of the world is correct. I think you're seeing life through tunnel-vision and twisting the world into a bleak shitty place because that's what your brain does when you get depressed. I don't know a single person who hasn't experienced this before reaching their thirties, let alone their twenties. Generally if you change your emotional patterns, your cognitive abilities will follow suit. As it is you're wracked with cognitive biases and binary thinking, and you're brain is pumping you with too many sad-chemicals for you to catch yourself in your own bullshit.
There are practical ways to tackle this problem, and I'll skip over the obvious advice of talking to your doctor, taking pills and finding a therapist (though lord knows it worked for me). You need to shake up your routine, hard. You need to put yourself in a completely unfamiliar position that will force you to pull your head out of your ass and adapt quickly.
(1/2)
>>7801139
I don't really have a plan. I know I will be self-sufficient, would just find a job locally at a grocery store or something like that and write full-time. Then move to a san francisco or something
I don't know, I just want to enjoy what I do, not spend every day wishing I was away. Yeah, the smart thing to do would be to stay in school and get a degree and go work in consulting or something. But I don't really think that life is for me, my brother already went that route and he has lots of money and a wife and everything but he's not really happy either. Feels like he's missing out on life somehow. But the money and wanting to support his future family keeps him there.
I think what I will end up doing is just muscling it through the next two years and getting a better job than some shit hourly job where I'd have more time to spend reading and writing books
>>7801170
(2/2)
There's a reason people suggest traveling, but I'm not gonna shove that down your throat. You don't necessarily need to travel, but you need to severely upset your current routine so you can interrupt your negative emotional cycle. If you think backpacking Africa for six months and nearly dying from Malaria will pull you out, then godspeed. If you think something else will help, go for that too.
P.S. I lived in West Africa for three months and contracted Malaria twice. I'm not saying the experience "changed me completely" or any cliched crap like that, but I will say that I have no regrets.
>>7801122
When is "back in the day"? When you finished primary school last year?
I oscillate between feeling that I'm not good enough at what I love and feeling like shit because I have no girlfriend, nor any female friend that could potentially become one. I know it's just the good old
>tfw no gf
but it's getting me down.
I want to talk to people, make friends and be social, but everything is hard and I am making progress slowly.
I keep working on the skills I want to develop, but I don't have even a hope of getting a girl in the next year -- and why would it be different the year after?
I need some values, give me some please, give me yours if they're good
>>7801188
That all depends on where you are in life. Tell us a little more about yourself.
>>7801193
This won't be popular on 4chan, but I believe that kindness is the worlds most valuable resource. Yes I'm putting above oil, or any other resource you can name.
Also, the Amazing Atheist is a huge asshole. If his videos don't make you cringe, you have alot to learn about life and people.
>>7801202
>being kind and contempt for The Amazing Fedora Tipper
could be worse
>>7800867
>There is no such thing as eternal love or soulmates
Nobody wants eternal love, not really. What they talk about when they refer to a soulmate is someone to be with until they die, i.e. they don't want to go through the trouble of looking for someone else. Which is why in practice, they get tired of the people around them, because they form an idea of what they want out of them, and so put themselves in a position in which they either have to make a compromise or punish their loved ones. This is the antithesis of what love should be like.
The way out of this is to love them not for what they should be, but for what they are. To be close to them as an active choice, not as the result of some seduction or ideal. Then whatever effort has not been wasted, if even thinking of others is done as action of worth in itself; then future and past won't matter, and the love that was going to die, becomes the love that lived.
>Setting myself goals for the future is pointless because I literally can't think of any life event that will make me happy
Who told you you had a future to set plans for? Who told you you'll live to see tomorrow? You're bogging yourself down on words forgetting words are not reality, not supposed to determine reality, and never can.
>>7801106
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Cak8OW5b_5A#t=2m13s
>>7801210
Touche. If I were a more mature person, I wouldn't even be affected by his bullshit. Maybe the "turn the other cheek" mentality would work best for me.
>>7801220
>Nobody wants eternal love, not really.
>
>
>
>>7801229
Have something to say?
>>7801202
>Tell us a little more about yourself.
I'm fairly young, starting to study in my local university. I don't know what to think of myself. In highschool, one year, many girls got interested in me, which lead to some sex, but everything stopped since then. I must be somewhat good looking, but I can't make use of it. I really don't know where go to from here on that point. I know that I am still young, but I feel that I'm missing on all the prime pussy because of my social retardation, and my efforts are not sufficient to change a single thing about it.
So I drown myself in work, trying to be as productive as possible, creating with every drop of willpower I have, exploiting my depressive moments, and just hoping that I will, some day, create something truly great.
How do I become a Spanish language tele-novella soap opera writer? I know now Spanish but the idea titillates...
>>7801271
So you're young, in a new social climate and have no idea where you fit in. Combined with the ingrained the belief that you need to have a girlfriend or get laid regularly to properly live is gonna fuck you over.
Guess what, shitloads of people go through dry spells when they're young, and there is no such thing as "dry pussy". In fact, sex will likely get better as you and your peers mature a little and learn to stop being selfish assholes to eachother and realize that sex is about closeness and intimacy, not social bravado.
I do not seek out friendships and i don't like being alone. I need to get a job.
I don't know how to deal with this constant pressure i feel to practice composition. I don't even know if i enjoy making music, or if i've got what it takes.
>>7801285
I don't think it's mostly a social thing. I would like to truly love someone, or at least make use of my age and fuck the girls that I will be too old to fuck if I just wait. And I can do neither of those.
And, of course, I get jealous of others who are being successful whereas I am not, on top of everything else.
>>7801193
You have to read my stories first.
>>7800671
The fallacy of 'meme invalidation' should be a thing 2bh. Just because something is a meme doesn't necessitate whether its true or false.
My kitty is gone to the kitty hospital for a day and it already feels dreadfully empty in here. He's old as shit with a ton of health problems and I'm clearly not prepared for this being permanent.
>>7801506
ripip in peace
I wrote a novelette for a very relevant sci-fi prize in my country. I beat 160 other affirmed writers with my debut work and got into the finals. Only six people were selected for this and I was among them, but I didn't win.
I should be happy, being a finalist my work will be published and i'll get a compensation, my name is out there now.
Instead I feel like shit, I didn't win and I feel like i can never write something that good again.
Did anyone else here ever felt like that?
>>7800561
I'm lead by a curious tension, a golden thread, a furious desire towards beauty -- eternal life. Yearning is the flame of the refiners fire, triviality melts from my form of being, a good pain. Purity is the necessity of the narrow way to the gates.
I'm such a poor writer. I'm talking generally/academically, not creatively (don't even want to imagine how bad I'd be if I tried my hand at that).
Every time I write an essay I struggle to phrase simple concepts. Half the time I pick the most convoluted, unclear path of articulation. I think it's mostly down to oveerthinking. Hell, even as I type this reply I can't help but second-guess myself on a word-by-word basis.
>>7801524
That's pretty impressive. I think you're just losing faith in yourself because you didn't get first place. You had to have believed you were a good enough writer to finish and submit your story in the first place. Just maintain that belief.
>>7801524
But then again you didn't get first place. And as Ricky Bobby said in Talladega Nights: "If you ain't first, you're last."
>>7800561
kill yourself
>>7801608
You first.
I felt such peace praying the Rosary last night. Something was uniquely transcendent and beautiful about this time. Maybe it was the way I kept my voice down, the way I didn't try to glorify my own piety. Maybe my soft voice was a distant echo of the "tiny whisper" that Elijah heard.
Regardless, I felt close to God last night. I hope my prayers were true to God's demands.
I am realizing everything else is just as useless as me.
>>7801711
loser
God
I have dead weary eyes. My thoughts are fragmented and blurred by the fatigue that always pesks me. My appearence speaks of narcissism and a failed dream of one day being a genius. However after all had been said and done, i was forced to admit in the presence of Osiris' balance that i am nothing more or less than a normie.
>>7801732
*Steve Urkel voice*
>>7800561
the man I love is a women
>>7800561
What is on my mind is a conglomeration of thus: the cat lying on its back with slanted eyes that have only now reminded me of the pot I have had for weeks beneath the bathroom sink but which I have neither the desire nor energy to smoke.
It is this in tandem with my having spent the day writing and playing a Japanese role playing game that I am intent on completing within the next few days; my devotion to art won't allow me to spend more than an hour or two playing so today I have only written of that devotion and of her.
She, a marble bust, has provoked love in my heart and were it not for those guarding her, I would have extended my hand to that cheek of such a pallor that by Jove I don't think I'll ever look at another's cheek without the consciousness of inferiority distracting me. What does it say of these women surrounding me that a marble bust can provoke my heart with the agitation of love while they are able only to inspire disgust and contempt? I would sooner have the bust than a woman, any woman; I think all that porn is finally catching up to me.
That and that tomorrow my life will come to its zenith for although I have not dared bask in excitement lest I disregard the present altogether, now that it is to be tomorrow, I can indulge. After a year of waiting, tomorrow I will have the fourteenth string quartet of Beethoven performed before me. To merely type it accelerates the beating of my heart; His greatest work, Man's greatest work will be performed before me tomorrow and from there I will emerge neither man nor human but something altogether incomprehensible in this state of ignorance. Would that God be so kind to absolve me of my hearing at the very conclusion for the faculties to hear will be rendered otiose after the third note ceases to resound; what more will I need to hear after that?
This is what I am thinking and that I may write another story before I start on the novel I was planning to begin before I start on another story. But I hope, if anyone has deigned to read this, I have not repeated myself to be redundant; I have not slept well in days and am losing balance on that tightrope above the colliding realms of consciousness and sleep--Chrom will guide me until I can't keep my eyes open anymore.
Sleep tight brothers
Heed the man who stutters
His father gave him light
Your love gives him might
Thinking is a series of intrusive medical interventions on life. Life is a stomach slowly digesting itself. The process of digestion produces shit. The smell of shit is unmistakable. Love is probably evil somehow.
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
my left inner ear hurts and I hear a ringing
and I'm holding a water bottle like a dick
>>7801809
Been reading a lot of Baudelaire?
coconut oil has made my balls soft to the touch but who will pet them with these ugly malignant cysts in plain sight?
The Supreme Personality of Godhead replied "Time am I, great destroyer of the worlds, and I have come here to destroy all people. With your exception, all soldiers here on both sides will be slain."
>>7800561
Menander's Dyskolos is fucking incredible and it's a goddamn shame that virtually all of his stuff is lost.
>>7802077
Did you go to see a doctor?
slayer
I should go to sleep but I haven't fapped yet. I want to wake up before 11 tomorrow but I know I'll sleep through my alarm.
>>7802141
of course not
gettin real fucking tired of these limp-wristed liberals and their smug ignorance
reading's an obligation if you're preoccupied with self-improvement. If your motives are bad your execution is usually bad.
How do you accept yourself how you are?
This was a terrible day. My psoriasis is getting worse on my index finger but only seems to be a problem at work. Granted, it's a dusty little thriftstore so I only have myself to blame but I have nowhere else to work that will pay me enough to support myself.
Working in a thrift store has made me realize what scumbags donators are and every day I get proven right in hating everyone without ever needing to know them. People do everything in their power to inconvenience eachother and I'm quite sick of these fucking headaches I get every single day.
On the flipside, this was the shortest winter I've ever lived through, normally I'm walking in knee deep snow in the early months but it's been sunny, clear and pleasant.
I guess it's all about give and take but I'm sick of living in constant stasis and equilibrium and I really want to be content instead.
People say it's all about perspective but there are so many little inconveniences they seem insurmountable and to ignore them feels like irresponsibility and it's not in my nature to procrastinate because procrastination means my duties will be on my mind until I get them finished, which ruins any chance of enjoyment until I am completely finished everything that absolutely must be done.
Maybe I'm just not the type of person fit to enjoy life.
I kind of like using her. It's a nice addition to my life. Does it make me happy? Yeah, I suppose. It doesn't solve anything.
>>7800561
i dreamt that i killed 3-7 people and now i cant go on holiday.
>>7801170
>>7801172
When you talk about changing emotional pattersn and cognitive biases I understand that this is a key part of psychotherapy, but it only really works if you come to believe that these cognitions you are having are unrealistic. For example, I currently think "Falling in love, whilst powerful, is just an evolved response to aid pair bonding. There are literally hundreds of thousands of women I could fall in love with, and there's nothing that's necessarily special about any of them". I think that I'd be much happier if I decided that this cognition was unrealistic and replaced it with something like "We were meant to be together, it was fate. Our love will last forever, and when we die we shall be together in eternity". I wish I could live by those sorts of views, but I can't accept them! The only option I can think of is to just try and unlearn half of what I know, and deliberately live my life as in-the-moment as possible, without trying to explain anything.
I've already spent a year of my life travelling. Ironically enough I also spent three months living in West Africa (Ghana here, how about you?), but I can't say that I ever contracted malaria. I also spent a few months in Canada, and travelled around parts of Eastern Europe. I had a weird feeling when on the road. At this point I was just depressed, and didn't really have these existential concerns. On one hand I really enjoyed the new cultures I was experiencing, the sights I was seeing, the foods I was tasting, the people I was meeting, and so on. On the other hand, I was very aware of how temporary it all was - I would move to a new city, make some friends at the hostel, move on to the next place and forget about them, and repeat. That's the nature of travelling, but it got a bit lonely. I was very aware that I was just putting off 'real life'. That's why I decided to do my Master's degree and start trying to build a happy life in my own country. It was only when I failed to do this (despite all the external circumstances being completely ok) that I started to get these existential concerns. So now I'm not sure. I will say that I'm happier travelling than not travelling, so I've tried to set aside 1-2 months each year to travel, without harming my career prospects.
I guess I'll just have to wait it out, keep doing the sorts of things I'm doing, and hope for a change in mindset or some epiphany that will change my life. I'm just pessismistic, that's all.
>>7800561
You lose everything when you've lost the one you love. In theory, it should be a freeing event; a man with nothing has everything to gain. But she left me with her dying wish, and the weight of it is unbearable.
Three times now I've been unable to do what I always wanted. Three times, it's put me in a situation I would rather not be in. The last time, I woke up in the ER with a shattered cheek bone, two missing teeth, and a number of broken ribs. She's holding me back.
"Please." Her eyes were already closing as her strength faded. "Don't kill anyone... not again."
Her last words have more hold over me than anything else. I could have easily killed those two boys. Just left them there in a ditch by the road and went on my way. But I couldn't even bring myself to fight back. I spent weeks recovering from that.
And now I'm out again, walking back home after a single beer and hours of self-pity. At least the night air was cool and calming. The sound of people during the day was too much. Their little lives mattered to them just as much as hers did to me. It's sickening.
I barely noticed the three boys ahead of me. They were all in dark clothing, with hoods up, so it should've hardly been surprising when the streetlight finally illuminated them. They were excited about something, that much was clear.
"Yo man, gives us your wallet." Was he holding the knife the whole time, or did I just miss it?
"I don't want any trouble." My wallet was empty.
"Don't fucking mess me about." His two friends circle around my side. "Give. Me. Your. Fucking. WALLET!"
They weren't much. Two skinny, lanky teens and one little fat one. They probably only had one knife between them. The way they shook told me they didn't do this often.
"You don't want to do this." I can see he isn't used to holding a knife, considering he's pointing it at me like a wand. But a knife is still a knife.
"Are you fucking deaf?" The short one's turn to speak.
"Do you deserve to die?"
They laugh but their frowns betray their nervousness.
"What the fuck?" That knife doesn't seem so effective now, does it?
"I promised someone a long time ago that I would never kill another person again." I hope they're soaking it in. "Do you think you deserve to die?"
The silence probably felt much longer to them than to me.
"No." The knife isn't pointing at me now.
His friends don't seem too eager any more.
"The please, don't make me break my promise. Not to her." That hold is still there. "Let's all walk away from this."
Silence again as they swap uncomfortable glances.
"Please."
They step aside and keep walking down the street, muttering insults under their breath. Four times it took for that to work. At least, I thought it worked. It took a moment for me to register the knife now sticking in my back.
"Fucking cunt." The kid was already sprinting off down the street with his friend by the time I hit the floor.
And so our life became just breathing in each other's farts and being passive aggressive about loud chewing. I honestly don't like living together. It doesn't mean I don't like you, because I do. A bit less than before, but still a lot.
>>7801127
seconded
I stopped taking my antidepressants cold turkey at the end of December and even though I managed not to kill myself from the shock of withdrawal I've been a nervous wreck ever since.
Most of the somewhat intelligent, half-educated people I know between the ages of 20-25 are obsessed with the idea of productivity, of self-improvement. This tends to translate into semi-regularly going to the gym, eating well, buying fashionable clothes, reading, watching artsy films, travelling, exploring the local area, attending clubs, picking up additional hobbies and etc., etc., etc. The thing is, all this activity is not unto itself sufficient to provide a rich and fulfilling existence, to make your life actually worth living. It's a foundation, a base-layer to build upon, to launch yourself into the world from - but it is that and only that, the first step in a journey of a thousand miles.
No one I know seems to have taken that earth-defying, soul-shaking second step.
And on a related note, this desire to be constantly productive, to be working on oneself at all times - it leads to people rationalizing their less-than-salubrious pastimes, re-framing the four hours they just spent watching television as an intense cultural experience akin to reading literature of the highest aesthetic worth. And anyone who says to the contrary is a cultural reactionary.
The world forgets those who sleep in the afternoon and wake in the night.
Streets are empty, the only companion you have are the fleeting moments of headlights passing you by, casting your shadow on the sidewalk for only you to see.
You see the world when it's asleep, you have the time to stop and observe it's quiet face, saying no words for in the hope of not waking it. Vulnerable like a child in bed, the only thing that is more vulnerable is yourself.
And then comes the pleasure of seeing the sun fully rise over the mountain, to see the moment when the world still remembers it's dream. The moment when the pace is set for another mark of history, and in that history you are not there, for you are asleep.
>>7801244
yeh, it's all there. You'd be able to figure it out I would've thought. I expect too much it seems
i shouldn't have gone to that illegal bar.
alcohol is addictive.
i'm broke now but at least not down to picking empty bottles like that poor guy.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kMCHzUPIkQc
I don't even know what questions to ask anymore. I've been living with so much on my mind for years now, looking for answers everywhere, asking people round and round; yet each time i muster up and ask again, i feel worse and worse, people don't understand that I'm confused and refuse and avoid me. I can't ask /lit/ as well because they'd take me for an angsty teenager.
I feel like I'm spinning at the speed of light in an empty universe. Everywhere a question. I don't understand the nature of life, it is alien to me. Everything feels so wrong. I started learning mathematics years ago because logic and mathematical coherence and its refined complexity calmed me down, but it's all gone now.
I used to be very emotional but I can't get anything out of me now, I've lost all compassion. Sometimes I just feel a sad sympathy towards humans, I see them get angry and furious about each other, but I also see the nature of their lives and I'm at peace because I feel that it's how things are supposed to be with them. I also foster a calm love for my soon to be wife and my family and our old dog. Weren't it for them, I would have given up a long time ago.
Sometimes I get very drunk and lie on the ground, suddenly it feels like life hurts and then a great sadness overcomes me, my face twists with a strong cramp and tears force out. I don't sob or weep, only cry.
The feeling that my life is not a failure, but a mistake, is almost physical. I don't consider myself depressed. It's mild most of the time and I try to live as best as I can, I go to work, cook with my wife and try to have fun. But it gets bad from time to time. I'm scared of finding a psychologist, I'm scared that he will tell me that I'm fine and I need to stop worrying and he doesn't have time for made-up problems. I don't want to take medication, I hope for a philosophical cure. If I take medication, will it help me be who I am or make me into someone else?
Thank you for the opportunity to quickly express myself and thank you if you read this stupid writing on a wall by an anonymous.
I always hope that someone will help me.
Thoughts of suicide, again, just like yesterday and every previous day I can remember
>>7802759
What is the second step?
>>7802798
Sounds to me like you do what many do which is try to analyse why you feel bad when really changing your actions will change you to be happier.
But in doing so you'd have to move to a different plane of consciousness where the safety and anxiety blocking of sorrowful insight is no longer a safe haven
>>7802973
Dont do it anon, theres no point
Im here if you wanna talk
We can email or whatever
On my mind is the painting I'll probably finish tomorrow. It's called 'Loneliness' and is really deep
>>7802975
This is the question I'm asking myself.
I think it has something to do with aspirations to brilliance of some kind as opposed to the quest for ataraxia that seems to typify the psychological drives of the young middle-class male. Artistic brilliance being the first kind that springs to mind.
The songs on the radio, the items on the shelves, the shows on tv. Everything brings me back to you except my own two feet.
I miss my ex wife.
>>7802765
Please do illuminate me.
I'm listening to Rihannas song work work work. I'm gonna listen to it at least for an hour on repeat.
Today it's Saturday, I feel bad, because I had built up all this energy in preparation for an event today, but then it got postponed a week.
I don't think I'm going outside at all today. I'm also very lonely, thank you.
>>7803288
Watch a movie, write, listen to a record, read something. You can do a lot of things Anon, don't let it get to you.
>>7803242
no thanks
I really wish DFW was around to write about the election this year
hahaha what fucking piece of shit I am.
>>7803392
damn you just made me feel
Im gonna go reread "Up, Simba"
When I was born regret was born with me, its such a horror to be the quickest to creation.
>>7803460
fag
>>7803480
>And the human race endures!
Why I am waiting for her?
Stoner, the novel, is so hard to read. Half way done and i think it's gonna be an all time favorite
>>7803528
In your inaction and countless fantasies you have turned her into a fetish, what else?
>>7801608
Jokes on you I already want to
>>7803528
AAAAAAAARGHHH KEK!, you're making me angry. You're reminding me of her. I am already depressed. GET YO ASS UP. READ and WRITE.
She's is not coming back. Deal with it.
>>7800601
Yes, it was. Because JOHN CENA said so.
>>>7803528
>AAAAAAAARGHHH KEK!
I really don't feel like coming up with something interesting to say for these faggots on 4chan.
might as well post it
>>7800561
I had a dream last night (this morning?) that was very strange. I was relaxing in someones home after Christmas presents and using some spronk mats.
A very attractive young woman began pestering me about a new story she had printed off the internet but wouldn't let me see the title, only the front cover with a table of contents. She kept talking about silly things and tugging on a tie I had wrapped around my head which stopped me from being able to clearly read the ToC.
What is strange is that from the glimpses I got I recognized the story- it was one I had read before (at least in the dream) involving a strange heist into a carefully sterile room to steal some sort of alien object and being relieved a month afterwards because the object hadn't sterilized the woman I was with (????). It then got stranger because when I went to the bathroom earlier I passed the door to the room that had the alien object (???) so I am having this fucked up dream that loops into itself and the biggest thing on my mind is that I really want to read that story again.
Except I don't know if it actually exists. I know I'm not capable of writing it so it SHOULD exist, but I have no idea where to start.
>>7801768
I'm worried by your use of the plural.
>>7803583
thats pretty spot on for me too
:/
I've been writing for two years: mostly poetry. I know I'm a better writer of prose but I have this entrenched ideal that I should become a bohemian lyricist, commenting on culture with a subtext as deep as the verse is light. I think I'm wasting my time and I have begun to collect rejection letters of poems that I've sent to journals. In a vain effort to turn the tides back in my favour I'm about to write my first serious piece of prose in two years (i.e. a short story that is so obviously a symbol that there's no point in me even trying to hide it). I hope it goes better than my poetry: there's still time, I'm 18.
>>7803583
That pic... Suckered right in the feels
>>7800561
Shrouded by night but with steady stride
Coloured by blood but always clear of mind
Proud hunter of the Church
Beasts are a curse and a curse is a shackle
Only yee are the true blades of the Church
>>7802798
I've never met a psychologist who could give me a new perspective on life I hadn't already considered myself.
>>7800920
>the average age of this board is i believe 21
what exactly does this have to do with being immature
>>7802186
>and unconstitutional.
except it's not. Freedom of assembly and protest are protected explicately under the 1st amendment. The Trump rally was shut down because Trump decided to shut it down because of the amount of protesters and the inevitable clashes between them and his supporters. They were not shut down because a government agency shut them down (which would be the only way it would've been unconstitutional)
not that I really give a shit what is and is not constitutional anyway, considering that I'm a communist but hey if you're gonna use an argument use it the right way, fella
>>7804193
*explicitly
Don't waste time. You are dying. No one will want you when you are old and useless so you must live a great life. A life worthy of living. A life where i will burn brighter and hotter than everyone else's plain routine around me. A life where on my death bed i will not be ashamed to close my eyes. I will never live the boring the life again. l will stand and face all that life has to offer and overcome all the negativity and uselessness from certain people. I will life a life i want to live. I will life a great life.
>>7804193
>le constitution is only about da government, except when it's not ;)
end yourself
>>7804193
It was a private rally. The protesters disrupted it illegally by storming into the event, canceling Trump's ability to promote his campaign out of a concern of safety for his followers. It was a complete violation of First Amendment rights.
>>7800561
>my feet are cold
>Dominica didn't answer for my last mail
>i want to piss, but i'm to lazy to get up from the bed
>>7804216
You gotta life the life you want to life
>>7804241
If it was illegal for them to protest in the private event, then it's not a constitutional matter its a just a basic unlawful action. Not everything has to do with the constitution. The constitution lists government powers and rights that government agencies cannot deprive from people, it does not protect those rights from private individuals. Was it unlawful for them to storm in and shut down the rally? Arguably, yes it very much was. Was it unconstitutional? No. Stop using buzzwords
How Can Mirrors Be Real If Are Eyes Aren't Real
>>7804290
Freedom of speech and assembly were jeopardized. The protesters were both unconstitutional AND unlawful. How does that sound, you pedant?
I understand relationships go through up and downs. Yes, I broke up with you twice, but you are extremely receptive to me. I think that's why you accepted me back. Now that the table has turned, my confidence withered, my love like a stretched rubber band - afraid of my next bout with anxiety. I do not ever wish to lose you, but I feel there are two ways this can end for me, 1) I break up with you 2) You find a man that can make you happy; a man that is not dealing with anxiety filled thoughts that make you on edge. I went to therapy for myself, but I can't help to think I continue for us. Please, for the love of god, stop with these thoughts. Trust yourself, be confident, and love the person who says they love you. Stop being a fucking skeptic.
I'm in my mind. What's on my mind, I'll never know.
>>7803361
¯\_(ツ)_/¯
>>7800561
Am I just a phantom in the teeth of time,
Who will mercilessly crush mine faded eye
Just to lay,nedless to say doubt in this masquerade
I need to shit because I drank too much redbull.
I miss being symptomatic for psychosis. I miss talking to ravens and crows. I miss the dragon that lived in my head and called me names all the time. I miss the cold sweats and extreme tension. I miss never knowing whether I was going to lose my shaky handle on things and shoot someone or not. I miss the giant, constant streams of gibberish words vaguely connected by any of a dozen different criteria. I miss losing 30 lbs in three months from forgetting to eat and being stressed as fuck.
I am objectively unintelligent (IQ around 90) but I have discovered an insatiable thirst for knowledge now that I have also discovered that I actually enjoy reading, and I am hoping it may lead me back to university at some point for a simpler degree that can allow me to escape low wage slavery and a life of borderline poverty.
on page 370 of brothers karamazov and its going really slow and I fucked up and got the garnett translation which is really dry. I haven't done such little reading in a long while and it's making me sad and confused. I love the book but the less I read of it, the harder it is to get back into it. What do?
>>7804916
Respect. Keep that tunnel vision focus and nothing can stop you.
>>7800561
Suicide has been on my mind every day for over five years.
I wonder if I'll ever be free of it.
I have this thought at least once a day.
I'm gay, and I find myself longing for the stereotypical romance and picket white fence deal. And then I think, isn't this probably part of the very reason you have ended up being gay to begin with? You always set yourself apart from everyone else in anyway you could because you didn't want to be sucked into what you perceived as a web of bullshit. You never conformed, your very earliest thoughts are of realizing many people want to make you just like them and every fiber of your being resists that. And that kind of makes me feel good and I feel as if I'm not missing much.
Then I realize how being gay just feels incomplete on a level I can't really explain, no matter who I date or have sex with, and the cycle begins again. Being gay is a bit of a curse if you have remotely any depth. It seems like there are so many more happy heterosexual couples than gay ones. There is just something in me that can't be fulfilled (and no, it's not the ever aching need for a massive dick to be in my ass).
I'm so fucking bored. Give my life meaning now
>>7803189
>Everything brings me back to you except my own two feet.
i'd leave your ass with words like that
>>7805024
this is why all world religions frown on homos, it's just not a path to a truly fulfilling life
>>7805024
this is why parents shouldn't let their teens be contrarian edgelords...sure, most edgy teen shit like dying ur hair green or smoking weed 24/7 or being a hardcore stalinist etc. can be grown out of and the child can still have a normal life as an adult, but once the kid takes a dick up the butt and gets his manhood took he's doomed to a life of unfulfilling relationships with shallow screwed up men and dodging aids, so sad, at least under christianity you could confess ur sodomy sins and move on with ur life, but now that science has determined gay is a fixed identity once u took the dee ur finished
Meme aside, I find islam and its quran pretty beautiful and want to convert.
Wife is a devout catholic and im afraid of whats going to happen if I pursue my change in fath.
On the day of judgment, not even your own parents will be there to protect you, so even though I know my wife wont be ok with it, it doesnt matter.
It sounds selfish, but dont we all want comfort in death
>>7805024
So, contrarianism leads to homosexuality 100% of the time? Good to know.
>>7805091
catholics are weak minded followers who want someone to tell them how to live their life, so islam will probably be right up her alley, she'll probably confess she's been wanting to convert for a while now, going from one ideology of oriental despotism to another is like switching from xbox to ps4, sure it seems all exotic and foreign, but you're still a dweeb
>>7805024
Quit fucking everything with a pulse and study some dead languages.
>>7805103
I..uh...
>>7805091
Do you live in the U.S.?
>>7805125
go protestant or go to hell
to be perfectly honest with u
>>7800561
I just watched "The Great Beauty". It was pretty good, the protagonist is a writer. I recommend it to you all.
>>7805128
>Protestants
>>7800561
Someone is going to have to stop those Jews. And it may as well be me!
>>7805127
Yeah, and where I live islam doesnt really have a good reputation.
Because of all the contradictory iv heard about islam I researched it and absolutely fell in love.
>>7805096
Uh, not what I said. I'm thinking it played a role in me ultimately becoming gay though.
>>7805135
have u ever actually met any muslims? i live in a city with a huge muslim population, islam is so fucking boring, i guess for a hill billy like u it seems pretty exotic and shit, but once u see ur 500 hundredth fat egytian mom with three bratty kids waddling down the street it loses it's charm, it's not all badass dudes with rocket launchers and sexy babes in silky veils lmao, it's pretty god damn boring, there's really no difference between a fat ass muslim broad with anchor babies in tow and a fat ass catholic chick with anchor babies in tow...now copts are actually interesting, but a pagan like u ain't patrish enough for that so just keep it moving, the halal hotdogs are down isle nine, buddy
I can't take these flashbacks. My mind is always fixated on the past. I feel like death.
Working at a bookstore isn't going to pay the bills. I need a new job, but I'll lose my sweet 50% off on already heavily discounted books...
I always feel like i'm not smart enough. why can't I retain information effortlessly like these nerdy fuckfaces in this lecture? im in the same room listening to the information given to us yet that is still not enough!
why do i have this problem, why am i not good enough?
I can feel her spreading hot sauce on me already.
>you are always on my miiiind
You dream of falling in love. No one can understand the heartache of losing it. I lost her two and a half months ago. The first time Ive ever kept track of something. Its as if not only have I lost her but the entire world. As if Im in a divide with the world itself. No one can see that inside my stomach im carrying stones that only leave for a moment before I fully wake. Then my reality sets in. That I traded my world for cheap thrills. Now in this sadness I can only think of continuing out of curiosity. I walk down the streets moving forward in a pace I dont recognize. I feel old, lost, ethereal. In a way I feel like I am opening my last chapter. That the next years will be hard and merciless and that everything I stood for be turned to a joke. I feel like I am naked. But not just really naked but the nakedness of nakedness. No one can see these nerve endings being bore out in the open air stinging with every step. I surrender.
>>7801220
Hey man all I want is for my partner to never grow old and be consumed by all-encompassing love for me eternally. Is that so much to ask?
>>7805316
Yes.
i wonder how i manage to get people to love me romantically and empty them because i have no idea if what i feel is the romantic love I've been hearing about for two decades.
also wondering if i have pneumonia
>>7805389
envy******
>>7800561
I think that the most beautiful part of developing a crush on someone you know virtually nothing about is that they are anything you want them to be in your mind. The decision to make a risk and talk with them and hope for what you want them to be is a part of liking or loving them. I decide to stay away from people so I can feel like they are okay. That way I do not have to worry about developing a relationship with them, so I do not lose them in the future to something petty. Every time I lose someone close to me specifically from something along the lines of a broken promise, or anything not involving one of us dying, it shows whatever promises or ideas we had about staying together isn't true, along with whatever trust we had. It only sets a new barrier I have to reach in order to feel connected with someone again. That is why I do not like to talk with new people.
I AM PENNILESS
>>7800930
That's a good mindset, f a m.
I think I might be in love with another woman. I saw her tonight... It's been 2 years since we were roomies. Was so good to catch up and now I can't stop thinking about her.
tfw no gf
>>7800645
Okay, you're right to a certain extent, but I think this guy has a better grasp on the whole thing: >>7801020. Your idea is stemming from pity for yourself.
Soooo, I've been in your boat before, where I was the odd man out/easy target in a work context. I just started being nasty and underhanded. Sure, that made it worse at first, but eventually, through just being an asshole back, they quit. I still let them have it whenever I could. I'm never an asshole to people who aren't asking for it, I just stand my ground.
The kindest thing anyone has ever done for me was when a peer of mine said, "Stand up for yourself." He could see that I wanted to so badly, but that I was justifying it to myself as me being too decent (a defense mechanism in the form of narcissism), whenever it was simple fear holding me back--and that it was partially my fault. It took me a few years to work up the courage and wit to be able to do it consistently and artfully. I developed a sense of independent dignity that is far superior to any sort of social conformity that I've ever had, which often results in you whittling yourself down to an almost group status determined caricature. Never liked to get pigeonholed...very limiting.
So, get really good at not caring (probably not going to happen), less socially awkward (sounds like you don't subscribe to the idea that you can get better at socializing), or stand up for yourself. Sure, it means you care about what other people think, but that is pretty human. It's not pure freedom like simply being indifferent would be, but it's better than feeling dejected if you can't turn off caring about what other people think.
I really believe that having a rock hard cock up your ass while erect must be one of the greatest sexual pleasures one can get
>>7804916
IQ 90 is borderline gorilla.
>>7800561
I'm an adult dating a 14 years old and don't feel bad about it, but think I should feel that way. I'm angry at myself for not being angry at myself.
>>7805961
You're taking advantage of a child, creep.
