Any OCDfags here? How does it affect your reading and writing?
I have to reread lines that describe bad things several times, thinking "it will never happen", in fear that these unwanted events will happen to a person close to me. I also look at the page number every time before I turn to the next one.
In writing, I'm over conscious to usage of words, and when narrating in first-person, for example, I'm really annoyed by all the "I"s. In general I find myself caring more about the aesthetic appearance of sentences, rather than the substance and end up feeling like a poor Lovecraft imitator. I'm going into very minor details that sometimes defect the "flow" of the work because I want the reader to get the exact same mental picture I had (I know it's impossible).
>>7783955
I've got it. Not as bad as it was when I was younger, but some days it still gets me.
I've had the page number experience. Not the aesthetics thing, that was never really mytrigger. Bad things fear not quite, but similar stuff.
Some people have bad experiences, but SSRIs have helped me a lot. SOme people say they feel flattened or dead when on them, for me it's exactly the opposite, I feel like I've finally come to life. Give them a try if you haven't, just to see which group you are.
Reading Lolita as a 14 year old with untreated P-OCD made me believe I was a pedophile for many years
>>7784661
>P-OCD
Woah, I learned something today.
>>7783955
Ive had several OCD phases, mostly as a kid but some as an adult. As a kid I remember that if I saw a stack of books/magazines id have to go and check each one, slightly lifting those above it, just to see if it was really there or if it was missing, I cant really explain it
Then about 19-24 id have these OCD episodes where id have to bathe a lot, I think at one point it got to like 4-5 times a day if I had the time, I felt like I just didnt like myself and that I was ugly so might as well at least get the hygiene part right or no one would like me. Ironically this actually pushed away some of the people that did.
At about the same time id have some weird OCD moments when reading, not books but for example when I was on the computer I remember re-installing my OS and had to read each of the text blocks explaining what you need to do, despite having read them previously and knowing what I need to do anyway
im 26 now and I think ive grown out of it, especially the hygiene part. its no good having OCD, sadly I think its hereditary because my dad has his issues as well. I hope you grow out of it anon
>>7785541
oh, another thing that I now remember again concerning computers and OS-es. I would have these moments where I feel like I did "something wrong" while using the computer, it could be something really absurd, like id have this message board account, and if I made some post that I later regret, maybe it was factually wrong or people made fun of it or criticized it, id feel the need to abandon this account, maybe make a new, but this is where it gets crazy, id feel the need to completely re-install my operating system just because it was the context in which I used the browser and made the account and the post etc. Basically I looked at things very linearly, you installed the OS, installed the browser, made the account, made the post, so now I have to go back to the very beginning. Not only that but id also feel the need to physically clean the computer before moving on to re-installing the OS.
I know this sounds like bullshit but these are god to honest episodes ive had. I have never told this to anyone in real life, you can understand why. Its so weird looking back to this
>>7784661
>Pedophile Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder
>Painful, Unwanted Obsessions About Children
>Although all the many ways that obsessive-compulsive fears manifest themselves can cause debilitating anguish, perhaps there is none that causes more distress than OCD with pedophile obsessions, sometimes called POCD. This form of OCD involves the fear of harming or molesting a child.
>People may wonder what causes OCD to take this form. OCD has a tendency to latch onto things that are important to a person. For most parents, there is nothing more important than their children. So, imagine the distress experienced by a loving mother with a newborn baby, who imagines every day that she will do something unimaginable to her child.
This?
>>7785560
Not any of the other anons but I hope you've improve ed since then.
In my early days dealing with Anxiety disorder and OCD, I would latch onto stranger and stranger rituals to lessen the fear inside me. I would take old superstitious concepts that I knew were rationally false and incorporate them into my daily life to stop "bad luck." Whenever I would walk, I would try to make sure that my left foot had more steps then my right, Id talk to myself with specific orderly phrases, I would avoid breathing in foul smelling air and instead try to breathe it out and "disposing" it in certain areas of my vision, like corners in rooms or certain clouds, making them dumping places. As retarded as it was, I knew that it was a load of shit and didn't help of course, but I only adopted them as a coping mechanism for my fears as I had no other way to vent them. I had no one that I trusted to talk to and whenever I tried opening up, I was promptly thrown away or avoided by that person afterwards. Couple that with an extreme sense of isolation and clinical depression, we have a great a mix.
In time, I learned to conquer my anxiety and stop almost all of these rituals as a result. I still have held onto a few like washing my hands extensively
But even then I can still willingly break them and they are fading now anyway. I'm dealing more with the depression and loneliness now more than anything as it has worsened but at least the anxiety and OCD has diminished.
Also thanks for the Bilinda Butcher pic.
>>7786322
Fuck, wrong image. Also I have no clue why there was a spoiler on it...
Doesn't matter much anyway.
>>7783955
My OCD keeps me from reading the last page of a book.
It's basically hell.
good thread
>>7785576
Yep, it sucks.
>>7786345
Not fair, posting a pic of T*d Cr*z like that. Triggered.
>>7783955
I have the one with religious though, depends on how busy I am it gets worse or better. I'm now pretty unoccupied so even posting about it triggers me. But I can be months or maybe a year without thinking. My uncle and probably my grandpa had other variaties, my brother too.
Any nice book with this theme?
