I've tried writing some stream-of-consciousness prose and was wondering if anyone could give feedback. Feel free to post anything of yours as well.
I wake up and feel warm and there is tea for me downstairs to see him smiling at me makes me feel good in the only way I know sit next to him he's warm he's soft he moves up-and-down as he breathes I can hear it slightly in his chest and he leans his head on my shoulder I turn to him and everything's happy and now he's on the phone and looking out of the window and it's the morning and neither are dressed yet yet he wears a loose shirt that hangs over the peak of his bum its tight roundness is hard and gentle and powerful and held up by soft warm legs that could helix with mine under the sheets as I feel his hot entirety against me devourable and protecting the spiking curve of his lip hooks onto mine and we both are one connected and inseparable! then I am fully taken by him and collapse beneath filled with the strong hard heat of the sun my hands pull his back and I am crushed and red boiling and damp mixing with him with each pulse of the body's full flowing beat strong and liquid poured like a slow bullet into a river his chest rises and falls rises and falls rises and falls as always but it is hard and louder melodic and singing now in chorus as we both die and are reborn.
Stream of consciousness calls for having an interesting mind, which you do not have. Have a complimentary sage.
>>7703113
I would love to be able to write like this. I am going to save this. I'll reread it again and again. it really made me happy, felt like I was in domestic tranquility w feeling. really nice anon.
>>7703124
Thank you, but would you care to go more into what you mean?
>>7703113
Stream of consciousness doesn't mean a near total lack of punctuation or just being stuck in someone's head. You're taking the phrase too literally.
There, he is beautiful. He has a head that holds me like a machine with magnetic pulses, and god looking at him I just want to know his face. I want his face to be my instinct like a reaction to hold my breath in water, I want that face to be spilling into my eyes. His body is thin and he is a lovely human and of I don't want to be kissed or hugged or held or loved by him, I want to be hurt by him. He is too lovely and magnetic and too painful to look at, I want him to hit me. I want thick ropes of instinct and pain to swing from his fists into my jaw and I want to spin and spit and cry as he lays into me, god this is what I want. I want to feel the burn from his blows seep all syrupy and hot into my skin for hours after he is done, if I am conscious. He's a beautiful person and I want to give him something he can give all of his pain and worry and cry and sob and sad and hurt and anxious yes I want him to hand all of his to me so he will never have to feel that anymore because he is so much lovelier than me, I just want him to die already so he doesn't have to be suffocated in a world where people like me are meant to live.
Stream of consciousness doesn't automatically mean you have to just throw ands in everywhere and forget punctuation. It means it needs to flow, kind of like a stream get it? What you've written, even lacking punctuation, it doesn't flow at all and even after that it's not consciousness it's pretty banal imagery about the perfect man on a perfect morning.
>>7703138
Interesting is a subjective description. Take anon's "critique" with a grain of salt.
>>7703113
Protip: You are not a literary genius, so there is no reason to write like this.
>>7703113
If you read Ulysses, you'll notice, for example, Stephen's SoC isn't explaining himself to a make-believe audience. You're narrating, don't.
