![o5okjitd56ura1udv15n[1].png](https://i.imgur.com/Ij7UMXm.png "o5okjitd56ura1udv15n[1].png")
>A thick slurry of lava ran from its severed iron arteries, sheared by towering spires of burning rock, in heavy cascades that bled over warped struts of metal and stone.
Does this sentence make sense? I'm trying to say the iron is cut in two, and not the lava. Despite being okay at writing, I guess, I feel like I'm really bad with proper grammar sometimes. I'd appreciate if anyone could pass along some resources.
This really sounds like a genre fiction rough draft.
lava .....ran in heavy cascades ... warped the metal and stone
commas are for separating these things into different parts, if you put them in it would be lava got cut up rock and bled over the metal and stone
>>7604814
Overwritten nonsense. I'll give it a completely unqualified try.
>Magma bled slowly from where the iron fixture separated in two, flotsam rock formations a perpetual drool sediment decorating its passage.
There are your two halves, the clearly defined subject and then the pointless wank after it.
>>7604840
Weren't you just complaing OPs segment was overwritten? I'm surprised you didn't fit pontine in your post.
>>7604859
Did you read the post or what
>>7604865
Yeah, then I read it again. You sound just as bad the second time. You were rather eager. If you didn't want to stroke yourself you would have just amended the OP. Instead you felt a need to insult the original poster while also making an attempt to impress everyone with a superior version. You are an unhelpful cunt.
wow talk about ego and its own
>>7604875
How did you miss the part where I called myself unqualified and the second half of it pointless wank?
>>7604832
Commasbare also for asides.
>>7604880
Amateur misdirection. Constructing a fallback.
>From its severed iron arteries, sheared by towering spires of burning rock, a thick slurry of lava ran in heavy cascades that bled over warped struts of metal and stone.
Much better.
