Can someone read my short story and tell me if i should even continue writing. Is this interesting to read at all? pastebin/vkJrxyqN
its like 400 words
Reported
>>7573829
for what? i literally only post on /b/ i was trying to do something different with my life and thought this was the books and writing board?
Well I'm sure as hell interested, definitely continue, because you ain't going to get better by not writing.
>>7573838
Sorry there's a redditor influx and we are trying to get rid of them. The quality of posts have gotten continuously worse
I know it sounds cliche but the amount of the usage of the pronoun he is too repetitive
you can slowly introduce some thing to reveal the ambiguity
unless you meant it then carry on
I don't know what I just read, but it was full of redundancies and clumsy phrasing. It ain't awful, though.
frog shit
>>7573806
genuinely interested. Please update regularly.
>do you have a blog or something?
>>7573806
delete this
>>7573857
>Implying it was ever good.
>>7573806
DELETE THIS
>>7573806
You write like you want to be writing a screenplay - have you considered reworking it into a script style? The current style isn't doing it any favours - anything that isn't description or dialogue sounds like stage directions.
>>7573975
I'm inclined to agree with this anon.
NOT awful, but not the best ever or anything either
Let me give you the advice that I'm dissapointed to see none of the other /lit/izens thought to give you. Stop browsing /b/, that board is for children, legionnaires and sexual deviants.
>>7573923
are you being serious cant tell
>>7573806
OP just realized the guy walks in with snow on jacket and leaves in the heat of july
wtf
So he was a time traveler?
>>7574115
thought he was like an alien or something
>>7573857
le spooky redditor infiltration meme
upvoted!
>>7573806
http://pastebin.com/tEF95wZ6
>>7574625
>http://pastebin.com/tEF95wZ6
I like it, I'm a reader, not an editor or a scholar.
I was waiting for the part where someone would say "Where are ze Jews"
I'm from /pol/ btw, just visiting
>>7574625
OP here, i like it
I like your dialogue, its modern.
If you ever read the Martian, its all log books, back and forth dialogue and not too much setup. I thought about that book reading your writing.
It's not bad, anon.
I'm stealing it.
>>7573806
I saved your pepe so I'll have a look...
Intrigued, but the writing is clumsy. You should read a bunch, that will teach you when to use commas.
>>7573838
what do you see in /b/, friend? Do you just like to masturbate to shitty porn all day or what
>>7573806
Clunky phrasing at times but you have potential
>>7576407
stop bullying frogposters
>>7573806
would anyone like to read mine? just fixed this up
http://pastebin.com/tceaFhZ7
>>7574700
Is this what we've come to?
>>7576407
fuck off faggot redditor
>>7576729
whats with the obsession with numbers? Seemed like a lot of unnecessary detail when the point of the story is the situation with y (also you need to name people properly). Unless the guy in the bathroom is relevant for later, you could cut most of that section to "I sent to the bathroom and came back a few minutes later."
>>7576729
It sounds like you're trying to be DFW by throwing in all these pointless details, trying to make your narrator seem neuronic, but really it just sounds boring and pointless. Have a story, dammit.
>>7576801
I'm trying to make a science fiction esque story, I'm just testing out my prose. would people be interested?
it's bad. but it's your first real piece of writing, so everything afterwards will be marginally better.
OP here, looks like ive gotten some mixed reviews.
lmfao ty guys
