Any advice
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You are currently reading a thread in /lit/ - Literature
>He was awoken by the sound of his alarm clock going off at around five-thirty. The sound it emitted was more than enough to bring his mind back from the nightmare he was having. None the less he let it rang for five more minutes as a deterrent until he was sure he won't fall asleep again once he pushed in the stop. Once he did that he stared at the ceiling for a moment or two, before getting up from his bed.
>He switched on the lamp placed on the bedside table, and got dress for his morning activities. Green long hunter shirt, wool hunting pants, and fraying boots. The clothes were perfect when hunting in the woods. He grabs a small notebook and wrote his to do list for the day. On the top of paper, what was written on it was, the current day, July 20th. With six objectives which consist of checking the hen house for any eggs, also feeding said chickens. Check the vegetable garden to see how far along are they. Check the animal traps he planted thought-out the forest. Hunt the buck he saw a week before today. And make something for dinner
>He then would walk in the dark kitchen room and opened the cabinet doors. The breakfast in which he would eat only consists of a glass of water, loaf of rye bread, and green apple.
>He finished his breakfast slowly, thinking back on how his grandmother would make breakfast when he was little. After finishing his breakfast he threw the remains of the apple to garbage, he put the bread crumbs into a muslin sack and the cup into the sink.
English is not my first language, I wanted to know if something was wrong.
>>7840399
>None the less he let it rang for five
None the less, he let it ring for five
>once he pushed in the stop
not incorrect, but confusing wording, maybe "pushed for it to stop" would be clearer
>Once he did that he
once he did that, he
>or two, before
take out comma
>and got dress
dressed
>He grabs
grabbed
>On the top of paper, what was written on it was, the current day, July 20th.
oh hell, On the top page of the paper was written the current day, blah blah
>objectives which consist
consisted
last sentences in the second paragraph beginning with Check should be one sentence and seperated with a comma
>far along are they
far along they are
>and opened the cabinet doors.
open
>The breakfast in which he
the breakfast which he
>apple to garbage
into the garbage
wew lad, u gotta ways to go, but you'll get there, keep at it. try reading english books outloud to get a feel for present and past tenses, which u seem to have some trouble with
>>7840399
>He was awoken by the sound of his alarm clock going off at around five-thirty
Well he was hardly going to be awoken by its ticking, remove the "going off". The "around" doesn't sit well with me either, you set an alarm clock for an exact time and it wakes you up at an exact time.
I'm so disgusted that I can read no further.
>>7840399
I'm just gonna help you with a couple spelling and tense errors.
>nonetheless should be one word
>he let it ring*
>wouldn't instead of won't
>dressed instead of dress
>He grabbed* instead of grab
>On the top of the* paper was written the current date; July 20th
>With six objectives: Checking the hen house for eggs etc.
>Then he would walk into the dark kitchen and open* (future tense) the etc.
Frankly, OP, this piece of writing is terrible from start to finish.
It's riddled with too many errors for me to be bothered with.
I think you should read more English novels.
>>7840446
>None the less, he let it ring for five
Nonetheless
>>7840446
>He was awoken by the sound of his alarm clock at five-thirty. The sound it emitted was more than enough to bring his mind back from the nightmare he was having. Nonetheless as a deterrent until he was sure he won't fall asleep again once he pushed for it to stop. Once he did that, he stared at the ceiling for a moment or two before getting up from his bed. He switched on the lamp placed on the bedside table, and got dressed for his morning activities.
>Green long hunter shirt, wool hunting pants, and fraying boots. The clothes were perfect when hunting in the woods. He grabbed a small notebook and wrote his to do list for the day. On the top page of the paper was written the current day, July 20th. With six objectives which consisted of checking the hen house for any eggs, also feeding said chickens. Check the vegetable garden to see how far along they are. Check the animal traps he planted thought-out the forest, hunt the buck he saw a week before today, and make something for dinner.
>He then would walk in the dark kitchen room and open the cabinet doors. The breakfast which he would eat only consists of a glass of water, loaf of rye bread, and green apple. He finished his breakfast slowly, thinking back on how his grandmother would make breakfast when he was little. After finishing his breakfast he threw the remains of the apple into the garbage, he put the bread crumbs into a muslin sack and the cup into the sink.
Something like this? And what books would you recommend for me. Also I am sorry for my poor writing. Was the sentence structure any good
