Do out of the closet people experience shame? I can't even watch gay porn without feeling ashamed.
First time I had gay sex I ran out his house crying after realising what I had done.
Please help me understand.
I'm ashamed to be trans, which makes me even more depressed about being trans, which is compounded further by my shame about being depressed. I grew up in a community where gay was okay but trans and depression were considered fake, shameful bullshit. If you're anything like me, you would benefit from therapy.
Therapy would imply being able to talk about it with another person. There's no way I could ever do that again, the last and only time I've had to do it (at a gay sexual health clinic) was so bad I never want to do it again.
Sticking it out with a trained therapist is your best option. My shame isn't as bad as it used to be before therapy. It was hard and embarrassing at first, but it gets easier with time. Self acceptance is really difficult to achieve if you've been brought up to be ashamed of your traits. Seeing a therapist regularly would really help you.
They talk about your life, the things you like, the things that bother you, all that stuff. Then they help you by giving you techniques for coping with whatever various issues you have. After the first sessions (which are pretty much them getting to know you), you'd basically be checking in on a semi-regular basis and talking about how your life is going and how the techniques are working out for you, then adjusting to how your life is going. It's a process towards bettering yourself. You won't get brainwashed unless you go for an overtly religious therapist or someone who fills their online profiles and websites with SJW bullshit. It's pleasant, actually.
Bi here. I used to feel exactly the same. I kinda just got over it for a while.
A straight friend of mine and I got really fucked up drunk and we had sex. A couple hours in and he was bawling his eyes out because he stuck his dick in a guy. I spend a solid half hour trying to calm him down. Absolute emotional wreck.
Moral of the story: Never fuck a straight guy or a friend.
I'm open about being bi, but I also think I'm trans, but I'm closeted about it. I know that I'd rather be a woman. I'm just not sure it is the right choice for me to make. So that I am ashamed of.
I always felt bad after jacking off to porn even though I had known I was gay since 10 but eventually grew out of it. I'm 22. Coming out helped too, I was always very anxious about my family finding out. I had night terrors nearly every night where I sprang up out of bed in terror that they had found my dildo drawer, even though I lived alone. Stopped after I came out.
I've thought about it but I don't think it would help me. There's realistically nothing anyone could say to me that would change my mind on why it's shameful/bad. Thanks for your input though.
If you find yourself ashamed to be yourself where you live currently. I'd do what ever I can to move asap. Just so I could be myself.
Plus a great thing to do is just ignore people trying to force their opinions on you and have a concrete definition of yourself.
An opinion is an opinion. Everyone is entitled to their opinion. However, offense can never be given only taken.
I live alone. I did actually do what you said (do whatever I want) but after a week I quickly realised that changing where I lived had nothing to do with what makes homosexuality so shameful.
Have you tried giving it a try?
Therapy isn't about saying the one thing that will make you accept yourself, but giving you the tools to understand yourself better and change your own thinking.