Ok so tomorrow I am seeing a doctor who has experience with tranny patients, and working with sexual health etc. And I am going to tell him I plan to self-med while he blood tests me etc. Thing is though i struggle to say the word “transition” out loud, I can’t say “tranny” or “transgender” either. Just thinking about it makes me anxious as fuck. At my last doctor I said I have “gender dysphoria”, and mentioned other “people with gender dysphoria”. It seems like I am in denial of my identity, or distancing myself from it by using more clinical terms, but I know I am not in denial , I am just too scared or embarrassed or something to say it aloud….
Has anyone else had this problem? How do I fix this shit?
I don’t want to fuck up when I need these doctors to help me transition. Shit just writing it then was hard… I am so fucking weak. Also I plan to stay boy mode while on hormones, I can’t me myself socially transitioning in the near future, I just want to fix this discussing body.
>* can’t see myself socially transitioning
Keep a pen and paper with you if talking is hard
>>6541864
say the words you struggle with outloud in the mirror, and then when you're confortable talk to someone close to you about practicing with them too
>>6541864
Try writing a letter.
>>6541864
Except for the socially transitioning part this is exactly me too. On the form I filled out for why I went in I wrote "Depression, anxiety, stress, worries, thoughts of suicide" and then in really small font next to all of that wrote "gender problems".
When I went in for my first appointment the woman was really nice and talked about the first things I wrote which, while I do feel them, aren't the biggest things. But it was nice to talk and just ease up to the big one. And then I couldn't even say it, I just said "well there's that other thing I wrote" and when she said things like transgender and HRT I actually had a mini panic attack.
It's not that I'm in doubt about how I feel there's definitely dysphoria and all of that but like, it's so scary to say it out loud and use those words for some reason
>>6541917
>when she said things like transgender and HRT I actually had a mini panic attack
THIS my last female doctor said "transition" and i started internally freaking out, i wanted to run away or something...scary fucking shit.
try recording yourself saying it and then play the recording back
it may help you get out of your own head about it
Does anyone else feel much more comfortable admitting shit like this to women? I know it is sexist but saying this to a man is much more intimidating.
>>6541929
Yeah that's how I felt too anon. I have another one on Thursday and I'm trying to mentally prepare for it so I can be a little more forward but I don't know what to do/how to.
>>6541922
>Wut? its the 21st century though
Then use your phone nigger.
>>6541882
>say the words you struggle with outloud in the mirror
I just tried this.It was hard to start with, and it made me laugth.. I just gave myself a 20 minute lecture in the mirror pretending i was talking to a doctor. I was talking realy fast and being arrogent and confident looking at myself. But now i think i will be nothing like that tomorrow, i bet i am realy introverted like normal when i talk to the real doctor, so i don't know if it worked or not i guess i will find out...
Dr.'s can't ostracize you, if they do just sue them for Mal-practice. (their practice being muy mal).
Dr's can give you good medical advice...and since you're paying for it, take the most of it. You are paying them to answer your questions; ask them hard ones. Buck up and stop caring about what other people 'might' think. Consider yourself a person blessed with a wallet: and the rest of the world cares... but not about you being a person. welcome to humanity.
>I am going to tell him I plan to self-med while he blood tests me etc
>self-med
This will go well.
>>6542118
Do you think i should start without telling him then ask for a blood test after 3 months?
>>6542124
I think you should always be honest with doctors and if you don't like them, leave. Why can't you just tell him you plan to transition and want to know about hormones? How to take, where to get, cost, etc?
Withholding personal medical information from someone who knows more about medicine than yourself is playing with fire.
>>6542128
I know how to get them the legit way, but it will take months and cost loads.Seems like the best option is to start self meddling
>>6542137
why would it take months? You don't have insurance?
>>6542141
I live in western australia
>>6542148
I'm an American, pls explain.
>>6542151
The nearest large city is 5 hours away, and the psychiatrists and endo's have multiple month long waiting lists. And you need referral to psyc from a gp, then referral from psyc to endo to get hormones. and most psycs will drag out the process for months milking you with psychotherapy visits
>>6542158
>milking you with psychotherapy visits
I think that's to evaluate you to make sure this isn't an impulsive decision.
I'm not a transsexual though I could be wrong, or it could be both. For some reason, I've noticed a trend of younger people distrusting or outright hating doctors lately. I think it's super dangerous to self-medicate, but I ain't the boss of you and I don't know what you're going through.
>>6542167
>super dangerous to self-medicate
HRT in general is dangerous . Self medicating is realy only worse if you dont do your research and don't get checkups and blood work done. However if you do research, and work with a doctor, you will be far less at risk than if you just trust whatever the doctor says, and take whatever they prescribe. Its true that you should be honest with your doctors, and that can mean taking direct control of your treatment if necessary.
>>6542167
To be fair though, lots of doctors really don't know what trans people actually want (or what trans people even are), and so without actively researching things and corroborating them with your doctor, you could end up being sold short in your transition.
I've had doctors who were (no joke) concerned that the medication I was taking would interfere with my hormones and put them outside the safe male range. Like, no shit, that's what the point of the pills is.
And then there's the whole "cover my ass" thing. Doctors are often scared to prescribe more than the bare minimum in medication, so the patient doesn't turn around and sue.
Sure, most doctors have good intentions and aren't out to hurt you, but there's a genuine lack of knowledge about administering HRT and about trans people in general.
>>6541922
No. When you begin to freeze up, just right on a piece of paper that you wanna be a girl and show it to him. Or even better, come prepared with a letter that contains everything you don't think you'll be able to say.
>>6541864
I know the feel with the doctor, I almost cried
Op here, I had my appointment today. Thanks for your help boosting my confidence guys, i think the doctor was more scared than i was :D
>>6547328
Tell us about it!
>>6547338
Well i flat out said, "about me being transgender.. i have decided to transition, and so i am wanting to learn more about hormones" We talked about how the system works to get hormones legit, we talked about how he can do blood test for me and what will be checked etc.
He also asked to look at my skin because that is his interest, and so we pulled up my sleeves, kind of hot now that i think about it.... i think maybe he was checking to see if i had been cutting myself because i mention i always wear long sleeves to hide myself, but realy i am just hiding hair and muscle.
And so i now have an appointment with a psyc on Friday, who can give me referral to endo in perth, which might take a few months, so self medding until then is still on the table
>>6547348
On thing i had trouble with was when he asked me how i identify, what i identify as.. i was like i dont fucking know and just said "well.. gender...is .. such a broad concept..." Its hard because i cant see myself as female when i look like this, I dont want to see myself as male, but in reality thats the shity body i have right now, so i hate stupid questions like that.
>>6541967
Of course you're anxious about telling guys. You're literally telling them to start viewing you as a woman. ;P
>>6541917
>>6541929
>>6541974
I had a reaction similar to that when my endo said I would have to start mammograms. I won't though. Titties as small as this aren't worth checking, and if I die I would be better off.
>>6542382
>Doctors are often scared to prescribe more than the bare minimum in medication, so the patient doesn't turn around and sue.
I asked my doctor for a progesterone prescription because I read progesterone had some positive effects against TBIs and I was having terrible headaches as a result of one. He didn't give it to me, but I guess that would make sense because he wouldn't even know what form or dose to prescribe.
>>6547328
Why was the doctor more afraid? Probably thought you were going to hurt them.
>>6547348
I was about to ask how you could possibly find him asking you to pull up your sleeves hot and then I started feeling it was hot too and I have no idea why. So he's a dermatologist or something? Or skin is sort of a hobby for him?
>>6549458
>Why was the doctor more afraid?
I think he was worried about offending me or something, just the way he was hesitating before asking questions and responding to mine and being very careful with how he worded stuff. And he apologized allot when asking more personal things etc
>dermatologist or something?
He's a GP who works allot with and has qualifications in sexual health, but also has training in skin cancer medicine and surgery; performing full dermoscopic skin & mole checks, biopsies and excisions.
Also he was very kind, when he asked me whether i liked men or women or both etc, my mind went all foggy and i got embarrassed and confused. But he smiled and said its ok, and asked me a different question, if i would see myself as a male or female in a relationship. and i said "definitely not male" very assertively. I remember his reaction was positive aswell and seemed to improve the more we talked
>>6551627
>I think he was worried about offending me or something, just the way he was hesitating before asking questions and responding to mine and being very careful with how he worded stuff. And he apologized allot when asking more personal things etc
I remember I got sad when the trainee endo called me "he" to the supervisor endo, and she got kind of a guilty look to her face until I refocused on what the supervisor was saying. She also didn't seem to have much experience with people that don't stick straight to the "I always had female friends, picked girl's toys, etc." Which could either be attributed to inexperience or a bunch of HSTS and/or liars coming through.
How young was he though?
>>6542096
Exactly, he's a professional. At least he is supposed to be one.
>>6551722
>HSTS
wtf is this?
>>6551798
Homosexual transsexual, they're also what's referred to when people say trutrans.
>>6551810
>Homosexual transsexual
Transbians?
>>6551852
No, straights. Referring to trannies' orientations in relation to their birth sex was the norm at the time the phrase was coined.
>>6551798
Old discredited theory of transsexuality which held that there are two types of trans women: "homosexual transsexuals" (HSTS) who are gay men that are so gay that they want to be women, and "autogynephiles" (AGPs) who are straight men that get turned on by the thought of themselves as women and want to transition because of this fetish. Again, this system of categorization isn't at all supported by evidence, but it was used for some time and many doctors still look at potential transitioners through the lens of this theory. Although it wasn't necessarily a view of the original person who came up with this idea, many doctors had it in their heads that only the patients they identified as HSTS should transition, while those they diagnosed as AGP shouldn't; as a result, many transsexual women would tell doctors what they wanted to hear about their childhood, sexuality, etc, because that was the only way to get hormones and surgery. There was also stigma within trans communities about being a trans lesbian or whatever as a result, because many believed the theory of HSTS vs AGP. You'll still encounter older transitioners and some doctors that believe these things, and that can cause problems for many patients.
>>6551884
As long as he doesn't have a preference for trans girls no. But the guy who came up with the theory conducted an experiment where he got the result that a little under 42% of men who admitted attraction to trans women were AGP themselves.
>>6551910
lol
>>6551910
>this triggers the reddit
>>6541864
I had the problem with saying outright that I was transgender for years after I knew I wanted to start HRT and transition. It gets easier. You can sort of imply it, or you can just outright force yourself to say it. If you need to, you could bring something to write it. It sounds archaic, but writing something down is often a lot easier than to say it.
The doctors and pharmacy workers I have seen are a lot more normal about this than I am. When I saw my doctor, I explained that "I want to be a girl" but it turns out that medical professionals as a whole prefer the whole "girl in guy's body" approach. I don't know why. He also checked my heart rate and wanted me to get another test because a heart rate of 140 bpm was too high. I explained I was nervous and he honestly asked "why would you be nervous about this?" Since then, every doctor has acted like this is completely normal and that being nervous is out of the norm.
>>6541967
Of course it's easier with a woman. That's just how society is right now, partly.
But also, when you talk about wanting to feel womanly, a woman can understand that, even if she doesn't identify particularly with the feeling of being trans. This is likely some projection, but I feel a male doctor just thinks you're a crazy person for experiencing this.
>>6552153
I got really drunk and called my brother. I was hesitant to use the word "transition," but it feels much more normal now.
>>6551910
>tfw realizing I can have a boyfriend with a cd fetish and pressure him into trying on my cute clothes
>tfw cis girls do this to me and think it's just a fun little thing
>>6551627
>>6551722
Also, when she asked me how I simulated a female appearance as a child, I said I put a towel on my head to pretend I had long hair. She looked kind of Indian or middle eastern and she got kind of bothered by my answer. Although it might have been because I ended the sentence kind of quietly like when you realize what you're saying might offend someone even though I didn't mean it that way. Maybe that assumption that she might be offended is what offended her. I didn't put pants on my head because I thought that would look retarded despite it having a better grip on my head. But it's not like a white towel looked any more realistic, thinking back. I also said I would stick a pillow under my shirt to pretend I was pregnant sometimes. She didn't seem impressed by that even though it was also true.
>>6552080
Why would it?
>>6552397
>When I saw my doctor, I explained that "I want to be a girl" but it turns out that medical professionals as a whole prefer the whole "girl in guy's body" approach.
I was reading a study about how the behavior of 5 trans girls improved after transition in family, social, and academic life. All of them were living as girls by 8. Only one of them came out by saying she wanted to be a girl. I think there's some expectation that you won't adjust well because you're confused if you don't say you are a girl.
>I explained I was nervous and he honestly asked "why would you be nervous about this?"
Ask him what age his parents usually are. I would imagine younger kids don't have that internalized stigma.
>>6552713
(Continued)
>>6552495
>But also, when you talk about wanting to feel womanly, a woman can understand that, even if she doesn't identify particularly with the feeling of being trans.
How do you explain wanting to feel womanly to them? Not to sound like an asshole but they might have just been humoring you. Like nodding but thinking all the while, "How could he possibly understand?" To a woman her nodding means she's listening, not necessarily agreeing.
>>6552526
I feel like you're feeling smug for the girls not knowing how deep the rabbit hole goes.
>>6552715
>To a woman her nodding means she's listening, not necessarily agreeing.
To anyone really.
t. the guy girls thought gay and cried upon his shoulder
>>6552713
>there's some expectation that you won't adjust well because you're confused if you don't say you are a girl.
Oh shit, this totally make sense now. Ive always thought that to think i am a girl trpaped in a mans body is idiotic and irrational. And myself wanting to be female is a more rational way of seeing it. But doctors dont care if your rational, they only care about the consistency to ensure stability and acceptance with transition. This is a scary thought, maybe its better if i say"i think that i want to be a female" but also "i feel that i am a female" then i can separate the irrational idea of being a girl trapped in a mans body, as how i feel but not what i think to be the rational explanation.
>>6547356
I know that feel anon. My therapist asked me to describe my sexuality and I paused for what felt like ever (but really maybe a minute) and then said "question mark"
>>6552713
>Ask him what age his parents usually are.
I meant patients, not parents.
>>6553302
He was my family doctor and I was probably his first trans patient. I had to explain what gender dysphoria was. He was like "I know what dysphoria is, but I don't know what gender dysphoria is". After many awkward silences from my part, he said "so you have a girl's soul, but you're trapped in a boy's body right? What was her name from that movie?"
He was so calm and normal about the whole thing. As of the whole doctors' office was transported to the matrix and I was still stuck in the 19th century.
>>6557927
Why would a doctor in the 1800s be normal about it?
