> Came out to my partner as FtM
> "Oh that's okay."
> Erm, you do realise if I transition, I'll look/smell/sound like a man, right?
> "It's cool."
> We've been together eight years, you're straight, it'll be hard on you to not be attracted to me ne more. Please take this seriously.
That's the conversation we've been having for the past 10 months. Then, last week
> Him: "I'M BI I'M BI FOR FUCK'S SAKE I'M BI HOW MUCH MORE OBVIOUS DO I NEED TO MAKE IT *sobs*
I guess... we're gonna make it?
Fucking trannies always need to make drama that isn't there. Kill yourself you neurotic fuck
>>6470374
Did you want to break up with him?
Did you want a fresh new start because it sounds like you aren't too sure about it.
>>6470393
Hey, he caused the drama. He could have just said straight up "Hey you wanna be a man, that's rad as hell, I would love to fuck a dude."
Instead I got brushed off for months like he wasn't taking it seriously and thought twue wuv would save us.
>>6470374
You're an asshole, holy shit. Why can't you just take your partner seriously? You're not going to make it if you don't fucking believe him and hassle him over everything, ESPECIALLY is fucking sexuality, jesus fucking christ MAN UP.
>>6470374
Shit man, ease up on the poor guy. Some guys aren't very comfortable with their sexuality.
He might be bi, but whether you make it depends entirely on how triggered you get about shit that doesn't matter in the grand scheme of things. So keep that in mind and yeah, you're gonna make it
>>6470401
No way! I love him like crazy. I really, really didn't want to trap him in a relationship opposed to his sexuality. He's never told me he's anything but straight, and I know for a fact he's never been with a man before.
The thought of losing him if I transitioned was really hurting me.
>>6470406
It sounds like he literally fucking told you it was cool. Men don't fucking lay out every little one of their feelings like women do, GET USED TO IT because this is the world you're entering, the language you're expected to use and decipher is VERY different.
>>6470408
Would you believe someone telling you "it'll be fine now stop talking about it"? It seemed to me like he was brushing me off.
Now there's also the fact he lied by omission though our entire relationship about his sexuality, but I honestly don't mind that - he can tell me what he wants. Of course, if he'd been explicit about it earlier, it would have made me feel a WHOLE TON better about the future, rather than fretting I'd lose him constantly.
>>6470426
Yes, I would have. Because I'm a man, and you're not.
>>6470406
You're so obviously a woman it's hard to even conceive of you passing.
>>6470419
I already basically live as a man, just without a deep voice and facial hair/other Test stuff.
The issue was that he was hinting something, and I was too dense to pick up on it. I don't really do hints. Now he's told me, I am really really happy, and gutted I spent so long worrying.
>>6470426
Not that Anon, but yes I would fucking believe them unless they told me otherwise. Jesus fucking christ, you need to learn to stop reading into every little fucking thing. You're trying to be a MAN, so stop acting like a fucking bitch. If he said he was okay with you transitioning, then be happy about that and move on. Sounds to me like you just not happy that he didn't throw a god damn party for you. Stop begging for attention and man up.
>>6470440
I already pass as a very femme guy. I just want to seal the deal medically.
>>6470426
Maybe you should consider the very real possibility he is willing to explore his sexuality further because, and only because, of you; and that he was in fact telling the truth about his sexuality both at first AND now.
Did you consider that?
Because I can guarantee if that's what I was going through I would NOT want to spell it out for you. I don't think YOU would really want him to either. He did you a courtesy.
Welcome to the big boys' world baby, now you know what it's like for the rest of us, so learn to suck it up.
>>6470444
Nice reddit filename ma'am
>>6470444
You don't act like a man. Even if you looked like god damn Arnold, I would clock you after a 5 minute conversation.
>>6470444
Yeah, a VERY FEMME "guy". It ain't your voice or face givin you away, sweetheart, it's your attitude.
>>6470443
He's really... optimistic. The fact he was patting me on the back saying "we'll make it work", and knowing his nature, made me concerned he wasn't really understanding the implications.
Saying "I'll still fuck you" is one thing, but "I'll still fuck you and I'll enjoy it" it another.
>>6470444
Nice try Aiden
>>6470470
HAHAHAHA oh man, I love it when real ftms rip on transtrenders
>>6470484
This isn't your blog, go back to tumblr
>>6470374
Nice.
>>6470514
It's not about FtMs being "welcome" or not. It's about all your posts ITT reading like they come from a teenage girl's tumblr. The way you are addressing this situation, handling it, and even posting is not something 99.99% of guys would ever do. To be fair, that may be a cultural thing... maybe. But one thing is for sure: if you act like this once you transition, everyone will immediately recognize you as AFAB, openly mock you, or both. Hope you're ready for that, anon.
>>6470514
>women welcome on 4chan
>>6470539
It's stupid that people are judging how masc/femme I am based on one post - a post which was a round up of 10 months of a pretty emotionally rough time for me.
I don't talk about this in real life, I wanted to talk about it to some people who might have gone through it before.
This community sucks.
>>6470558
tbqh normal people with healthy long term relationships don't tend to go to 4chan
also this board is hostile to trans in general
Congrats on landing a closeted bi bf
>>6470558
This community is just really harsh on transtrenders. Show any sign of not being TruTrans™, and you'll get pointed right back to tumblr. They're right though, your posts honestly read incredibly feminine. Not to be mean, I'm just letting you know.
>>6470374
omg that's so cute...
>>6470558
They're judging you based on
>>6470406
>>6470409
>>6470414
>>6470426
As well as >>6470374
Then you just had to go and keep making it worse by rationalizing your identity with
>>6470441
>>6470444
>>6470484
>>6470514
Believe it or not there are several lessons to be had here about the male psyche, you can choose to rail against it and further autism, or you can realize that a bunch of men are telling you from personal experience being men and being around other men that something is wrong with how you are acting.
God, I'm mtf and it's pretty obvious.
>>6470558
lol so go back to r.eddit or t.umblr faggot
that's obviously where you belong, and you can have all the other trenders hugbox you as much as you want
>>6470582
Exactly this.
Well put, Anon. I'm MtF too, and knew immediately that her posts came across as AFAB.
It's probably hard to understand for people who care immensely about their gender and that of their partner but there are plenty of people who honestly don't care much about what gender they are born with or what gender their partner is.
>>6470582
Like I said, I was hardly talking about a really masculine subject.
I think you need to think about the male psyche, if you really think men don't have emotions, and that there's no value to sharing them appropriately.
>>6470593
> misgendering
Out of interest, why?
>>6470591
>Haha thanks
No need to thank me, I meant him not you. I don't find women qt in the slightest.
>>6470615
Well thankfully for you there aren't any in this situation
>>6470591
If not posting like that is "putting on a show" then you may need to reconsider your gender. You shouldn't feel like you're putting on a show to act like a normal guy...
>>6470605
It's not just about having emotions. It's how you express yourself.
>"Hey, he started the drama!"
Fucking clocked. Bad.
>>6470613
err, my bad. I didn't mean to sound like a dick, but I honestly don't feel like I'm talking to a guy. Still doesn't excuse it. I'm a jerk... sorry...
>>6470605
Here we go again.
This isn't about "men not having emotions". My dad is one of the most stupidly emotional human beings I know.
This is about you clinging to your righteousness in the face of overwhelming disagreement with the hope of having people empathize instead of giving you insight.
You want to be understood, I get that. I want to be understood. It used to make for horrible conversations and arguments with guys, because they're trying to HELP YOU solve a PROBLEM, rather identify you have one and empathize with you.
That's just how it works, I'm sorry. Keep your female friends if you want that sort of understanding, because men don't give you it most often.
>>6470625
> putting on a show
You know what I mean. I wanted to express happiness that a period of turmoil for me had ended. I didn't think I'd have to pretend I never felt anything other than a desire to wrestle bears and grill meat.
Being trans is tough. There are people far further along than me, that have done all this before, and probably experienced similar. I wanted to hear what they had to say.
> Fucking clocked.
The dude I was responding to mentioned 'drama'. They considered what I posted to be about 'drama'.
>>6470622
>Haha I'm totes a boy like you guize. Try not to hit on me silly gays XD
End yourself
>>6470642
> This is about you clinging to your righteousness in the face of overwhelming disagreement with the hope of having people empathize instead of giving you insight.
People are telling me I'm not trans. So either:
1) I do the 'manly' thing, listen, and realise I'm not trans, or
2) I do the 'female' thing, stand up for my identity, and get called female anyway
That's not a solution, pal.
I wanted to see how others who have already walked this path did.
>>6470642
>they're trying to HELP YOU solve a PROBLEM, rather identify you have one and empathize with you.
You know, I've always tried to explain this phenomenon about male friendships without sounding like all guys are emotionless sociopaths, but this really hits the nail on the head. If you bring this kind of conversation up with your guy friends, things just get really awkward, and they just say stuff like... "That sucks man... Wanna go for a drink?" Rather than empathize and talk about it.
>>6470659
This isn't about you being trans or not, you decide that.
The "solution" here is to say hey, let's explore *inserts anons idea* or alternatively to redirect at the beginning and say hey, I just want to know if anyone's had this experience, because it was not obvious you wanted that in the slightest.
It sounds ad hoc
>>6470677
You don't get to tell people how to be a man. That's ridiculous.
I brought up a subject, as people do on 4chan. Let's talk about it.
>>6470690
You couldn't have sounded more like a woman than you did just now
>>6470690
omg, just stop. please. its embarrassing
>>6470694
Is that all this community is? Reveal you are trans and get told you're not repeatedly?
>>6470698
>*Reveal you're a woman and get told you're not trans
FTFY
>>6470605
>I think you need to think about the male psyche, if you really think men don't have emotions, and that there's no value to sharing them appropriately.
I think you need to learn to appreciate that different people share their emotions in different ways. Your partner had repeatedly clarified that he wasn't going to have an issue with you transitioning, and yet you kept pushing to find an issue with it because you were seeking further validation (which, ok, fair do's it is a big deal, but you were pushing him because you were seeking validation) and now you've spun around and accused him of lying via omission about his sexuality, EVEN THOUGH the outcome of this situation is perfect for you, WHICH YOU ALREADY KNEW based off of previous interactions with him.
You literally forced him out of the closet and reduced him to tears because you needed validation, and now you're still making it about yourself by claiming he "lied by omission".
You NEED to understand that people communicate things differently, and yes gender plays a massive role in that. There's not "the way women express emotions and the wrong way", there's the way women express emotions and the way men express emotions and they're different but neither one is better than the other.
You're clearly under a lot of stress from having to transition, it is a massive step and it's understandable that you were being worried, but you've been a selfish partner by pushing him the way you did and forcing him to disclose parts of himself that maybe he wasn't prepared to do.
>>6470716
>but neither one is better than the other
>>6470690
I'm trying to telling you why everyone is screaming that you're not acting like a man, but fine.
I'm
>>6470413
>>6470448
>>6470582
>>6470642
>>6470677
I actually have an FTM boyfriend. He's great, and we love each other a lot, but he tends to do the same kind of thing in conversations and it's really jarring because I feel like he takes for granted that what I say is trying to imply something other than what I actually said.
There are weird incongruities on both of our parts, almost certainly to do with mismatched socialization, and it can be frustrating, but the takeaway here is something you already know: you have to refine your ideas about being male more. I'm sure you've had to do it, we all have to do it.
And yes, I had constant doubt about whether or not I was what he actually wanted in a partner. He's pretty insecure too. Again, I think most of us are, it's pretty obvious why when we have this stuff on the forefront of our minds all the time.
So I'm sorry, anon. Your boyfriend is cis, you can't expect him to know what you want when it comes to your expectations of being a man. You can't expect him to constantly reinforce your identity. You have to do that yourself.
Me and my boyfriend get that, but even then, we can't read each others' minds.
So just, try to learn from this, because I'm not trying to tell you how to be a man. I'm trying to get you to think about how YOU want to be a man.
>>6470723
They have different roles.
A lot of men are solution orientated - "Sarah at work keeps taking credit for my idea" "Have you considered documenting your work more thoroughly in future so she can't do it again?"
whereas a lot of women are emotion oriented "Sarah at work keeps taking credit for my idea" "Ugh she sounds like such a bitch!"
These behaviours are compounded via socialisation. Both have their upsides and downsides. Disconnects occur when people try and mush these two different strategies together, leaving women feeling unsupported and dismissed, and leaving men feeling confused about why the woman's mad or faced with too many prying questions.
It's ridiculous to insist that the emotion oriented approach is the better solution. Both approaches have their merits and in an ideal world people would engage equally with both and strike a happy balance, but as it is men skew towards one and women towards the other.
>>6470716
Hey, wow, I said I had no problem with the 'lying by omission' - I don't see it that way, and there's absolutely no way I'm mad at him for 'hiding' it. I just used that phrase as a way of explaining the situation. I felt guilt for hiding my trans status from him, so it would be hypocritical to say he's the liar.
> forced him out of the closet
I feel bad about this. We've been together 8 years, and you think you know someone, but you never truly do. In this case, it has worked well in my favor, and I cannot stress how not annoyed about any of this I am.
The thing is, I believed my transitioning would be selfish, as I'd be forcing him into a relationship he wasn't comfortable with. I've been with him for 8 years, he's never so much as hinted he's bi before, yet was insisting he loved me so much he'd stay with me.
As far as I could see, I wasn't pressuring him to reveal anything. I was pressuring him to take what was happening seriously, because it looked like he wasn't really grasping how seriously T can change a female body.
Right after he told me that he was bi, we fucked. It's not like he's devastated. He was assuming I was picking up on hints, which I wasn't.
It didn't help that basically anywhere I spoke about this, people would tell me he'd leave if I transitioned. But now, the future looks a little brighter. Does anyone have any experience similar?
>>6470747
Men>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>Women
>>6470752
>Does anyone have any experience similar?
More than you'd think, anon. But you're dismissing most of the helpful advice you're getting in this thread out of hand. You're going to have to reassess how your socialisation has impacted on you, and how that marks you as different to the overwhelming majority of men.
If you stick with this partner and he treats you as the same person, just with different pronouns, you'll be ok. But if you ever find yourself out on your lonesome, you'll realise that there's a different mode of being for men, and you're completely ignoring that. Testosterone will change how you experience emotions, but that's only part of it.
>>6470744
Sorry but I don't see how that post applies to my life or situation.
I'm not asking him to validate me. I wanted to know how he possibly thought he, a 'straight' guy, could be fulfilled in a gay relationship. He didn't have an answer.
Because I didn't know he was bi. Once I knew that, the pieces fell into place and it made sense.
Being a man doesn't mean you can't be concerned about things, or that you can't feel empathy.
>>6470764
You can't psychoanalyse me from a few 4chan posts about a heavily emotional situation.
>>6470768
>I'm not asking him to validate me
>"I wanted him to take what was happening to me seriously"
Pls.
>>6470777
That's not validation.
I wanted him to take the situation seriously to decide if he was on board or not. I didn't want him stuck in a situation he didn't want to be in. When he was brushing me off, I wasn't thinking 'oh waaaaah why won't he take ME seriously', I was thinking 'holy shit he really doesn't understand he's going to be in a gay relationship with a man'
OP is the FtM version of a hon
>>6470768
After reading >>6470752 it would seem like all this stemmed from a random series miscommunications that everyone responded to in the same way.
Weird.
As for personal experiences, not really. I had a straight friend who I had a brief thing with a few months after I came out, but he didn't really reciprocate and our friendship deteriorated after that. Now I'm wary of forming a relationship with someone who isn't bi.
>>6470812
What is a hon?
>>6470786
Glad for you, OP.
Yes, gender policing is a thing here, both stricter and more aggressive than you'll find in most places IRL. If you're not talking about killing Muslims every post, some Anon hates you and will tell you so.
Ftmg is less of a shit show, but this is not a community for, or of healthy individuals.
>>6470827
You're so cute and passable, hon!
You don't need to change a thing.
Kisses and hugs~ <3
-Sissy Susannah :)
>>6470821
I guess I'm not that great at explaining shit.
I heard gay guys are really not into FtMs. Is that true?
>>6470837
>Guys is it true that gay guys aren't into women?
>>6470837
Guys are very sexually oriented.
No penis = no relationship
Transgirls are lucky in this regard, because cis-lesbians are much more romantically oriented, so pre-op transgirls can still pull gfs pretty easy.
>>6470837
Wouldn't really know, but I hear the same thing about lesbians not liking mtfs.
Personally I think there's probably plenty of exceptions, but that cis people are way less likely to date trans people in general.
Honestly I bet LGB is more open than straights are but I can't prove it I guess.
>>6470861
Not really. I saw a survey recently that indicated that only a minority of LGB cis people were open to dating a transgender person.
>>6470883
Well sure, I mentioned that by saying "but that cis people are way less likely to date trans people in general."
I just mean that I think the minority of LGB who will date T is greater than the minority of straights that will date T, as a percentage of their total respective populations.
Of course, I'd still be interested in that survey, maybe that's wrong too?
>>6470514
>Are FtMs welcome on /lgbt/ or not?
Depends who you ask.
Every letter in /lgbt/ despised one or more other letters and vice versa.
The only group /lgbt/ universally despises is cishet people.
Then again these people literally don't belong in here.
>>6470912
here 2 stay :^)
>>6470925
You will be assimilated.
Resistance is futile.
>>6470941
lesgen and ftmgen is going to assimilate me? But I already like women/butchies
>>6470952
Now you think you're cishet.
Soon you'll want to grow tits and want your girlfriend to peg you.
Later you'll chop off your dick and call yourself Caitlyn
>>6470964
"Caitlyn" still has his dick and is an obvious man
>tfw everyone thinks I'm a cishet white male but I identify as a trans lesbian bulldyke top with a permanent bio penis strap-on.
At least the Obama administration recognizes my sexual and gender orientations even if /lesgen/ does not.
>>6470972
But wants to be treated like a lady.
And besides, I know you're braver and more willing to go the distance to become a real girl.
Better start HRT now or you'll look like a hon.
>>6470989
If you say so. Right now I just think dykes make for good conversation
>>6470770
You need to change your attitude.
>>6470786
He's a guy. Guys expect what they say to be taken at face value, and it's disrespectful (at least to me), for the statements a guy makes to be questioned. Your boyfriend may not have known exactly how he felt yet, but admitting that he is uncertain about himself is possibly very emasculating.
The reason people think you're acting fem is because you lack general guy sense, but that is just something you'll learn as you go along. It's generally women who really dig deep on questioning how somebody feels, but you probably grew up around women so don't feel like you're not a "man" because of this.
>>6471105
> Guys expect what they say to be taken at face value, and it's disrespectful (at least to me), for the statements a guy makes to be questioned
Alright, see this from my POV - he wasn't taking what I was saying at face value either (as far as I could tell, not knowing he was bi).
I would say "We will be in a gay relationship, but you are straight." He'd respond "Whatever."
So it seemed to me he was ignoring the very important parts of transitioning. I needed to know he understood. He, on the surface, was disregarding my statements as unimportant.
He knew there was nothing to worry about. I didn't. It's not manly to go 'Oh well screw thsi person I care about if his life sucks because he didn't listen to me' any more than it is to keep pressing the issue.
>>6471125
Tranny go spread your unnecessary woman drama somewhere else.
>>6471125
Stop fucking whining like a bitch. everything worked out in the end, right? so move the fuck on and quit dragging it out.
t. an FTM.
>>6471152
Right. I'm just explaining this to others.
So have you had any relationships pre or post transition? How did/do they go?
>>6471152
*t. and actually man
Fixed
>>6471159
>Right. I'm just explaining this to others.
In true womanly fashion of course
>>6471159
I've been in a relationship with my gf for 13 years, transitioned halfway through, didn't ask her to confirm ten thousand times that she was okay with it.
It's pretty awesome trusting my partner and not prying into every little detail. :^)
>>6471168
Good. Did you find there were any changes with how people perceived your relationship from the outside? Like you went from what appeared to be a homosexual relationship to a straight one, right?
>>6471171
Go away hon
>>6471125
Shut up you stupid bitch
He's not going to leave you for taking roids, he's going to leave you for your being a fucking drama queen
>>6471171
I don't know. I don't care?
It's not like I asked people how they perceived my relationship.
>>6471185
Fair enough. I was raised Catholic, so I assume there will be a shitshow from my family. Not really sure to deal with that.
>>6471189
Enjoy hell degenerate =^)
>>6471189
Move away if there's a shitstorm. My girlfriend was from a strict christian family, we moved to a different province (canada) to get away from the shitstorm.
If you're truly trans, and not a trender, then leaving family to cure your dysphoria is absolutely worth it.
If you decided like a year ago that you were trans and never thought of it beforehand, then youhavetogoback.png
>>6471195
This burning
Desire
Is turning me to sin
>>6471198
It's been since I was a kid, but it gets real bad then gets manageable, then real bad again. I'm not 'fluid' or whatever, but sometimes it feels like I cannot cope with living any more, then it eases off and I can go about my life well enough.
We'll probably move to the capital fairly soon, so this could hasten it. I've all but cut my mother out already. It's grandma I'm gonna miss. Thanks for advice.
>>6471199
Frollo did nothing wrong honorary gypsy scum
>>6470374
>You won't like me
>No I will
>No you wont i know you better than you do you won't like me
I hate ftms
this thread is proof that this entire board is mtfs, straight men, and gays who want desperately to be straight men.
>MUH STOIC MASCULINITY
it's almost like you guys have never met a true faggot before.
>>6471290
Agreed.
>>6471290
>"you don't act like a man"
>FEMALE BEHAVIOR IS JUST A MANLY AS MALE BEHAVIOR CIS SCUM
kys
>>6470374
Hey OP, a lot of people in the thread are being stupid niggers.
I am biscum, but bf came out as FtM too. You know how it seemed like he was ignoring an important aspect of the relationship with you being a guy? It takes a while to change that perception. Even for me, whose previous relationship was with another dude, there was a moment when it hit me that I was dating another guy, about a month or two after he told me. I don't think you did anything "un-manly" at all, and really getting that through to someone is an odd experience. Good luck famalam, dicks await you!
>>6471332
Thank you! So for you, it wasn't a big deal at all? You didn't think that, having fallen for your partner when they were living as a female, that it was difficult to perceive them differently after?
>>6471290
Yeah, I'm 100% attracted to men, so already I'm not going to be like every other man out there. I see myself as a pretty effeminate guy even if I transitioned, which I'm fine with.
>>6471344
It wasn't "difficult" in the sense of "golly gee you still seem like a woman to me," it was more like learning a language, where instead of filtering your native tongue into new words, you directly think in that new language.
More or less it was learning organically to use male pronouns, but it wasn't "every time you would use a female pronoun say a male one" it was learning to think in male pronouns. It was more time consuming than difficult, especially because you can't force the process.
You were kind of a dick about "i know you're straight though", which means it would probably make him happy if you said you were wrong or something. But that's basic relationship stuff more than anything.
>>6471364
Yeah. I did apologise, and I'm making more of a fuss of him than usual to try to make up for pushing so hard. He also feels guilty for not having been straight (har har) with me from the start about his bisexuality. Hopefully soon we'll be back to normal, with just me not fretting that he's going to be horrified by that T does to me all the time. All in all, an improvement.
I know what you mean about the pronouns though. I met a few trans people, and its hard and you feel so bad if you get it wrong, but its almost instinctive sometiems.
>>6470374
Yeah, you are. Have a nice day.
Op I sincerely wish you the best and I hope you get on test soon, because your language, attitude, and interactions make it immediately apparent that uou were born and socialized female. I'm not saying it makes you any less trans, but even among the hyper-flamboyant gay men I've known, they seemed to grasp the basics of male interaction. My understanding is that proper hormone treatment will help your brain process these nuances and make social situations more natural, so good luck
