Long story short, I've struggled with having gender dysphoria for about two years now. I've accepted that I have the condition, and I feel immense jealously whenever I see a cute girl, or really any girl. The overbearing thought on my mind all the time is how much I hate my body and my sex, and that's the main cause of me being depressed and self-loathing. But at the same time, I'm 6'3" and have a lot of masculine facial features. Even if I wanted to make some kind of sex change, there's no way I'd ever pass as a CIS girl, and everyone would just see me as some tranny. That's even worse than hiding myself from the world.
Has anyone else been through this kind of situation? Is there a way to just...stop wanting to be a girl so much?
>>6446595
Apparently not, OP.
My advice to you is not to waste time, see a therapist with experience in gender issues and sort out what you really want.
If that is to transition, I think you'd be surprised how well someone can pass if they have half a brain and some dollars.
>>6446595
>>6446701
I'm 6'3". My aunt is 6'2". How tall are you?
>>6446701
If you know what you want, then why are you waiting around still? Every year you waste not being on HRT, testosterone does more mostly irreparable damage to you.
>>6446709
6"3' as well...
>>6446723
What I want is for people to see me as a girl, not a "girl" at best and tranny at worst. It would be painstakingly obvious to anyone who gave a glance my way that I'm not a real female, so what's the point? Just waste money and become a freak? I'd pretty much just be one of those cliche drag queen esque trannies, not someone who looks like they were born a girl.
>>6446736
Ultimately the thing that decides whether or not you transition is going to be whether or not you can live with how much you want to be a girl.
There are plenty of people who transition and live their lives full stealth, you can too.
It sounds like you've got the same impression a lot of people who are new to all this have about trans women; that all are unpassing monstrosities.
Sure, you're always going to have features you don't like, but all cis women do as well.
tl;dr if you can't live without being a girl then why are you waiting, if you can then you're not trans.
>>6446778
I don't think all trans women are unpassing monstrosities, I think I would be. Some males are born with the perfect, adorable height of 5'8" or whatever, and have plenty of feminine features. I could even try FFS if the latter was my only issue. But there's no such thing as height reduction surgery.
I can LIVE without being a girl, I've been doing so for the past two years. It's just so hard and borderline unbearable. I don't think I'd be able to live as some abomination of a person, though, where everyone looks down on me and sees me as a blatantly obvious transgender. Do you see what I mean? Some TGs look like girls and are treated by society like they've been girls their whole lives. I wouldn't be able to have that luxury.
and by the way, the person from this thread is me:
>>>/fa/11435762
the comments there were what prompted me to make this one
>>6446806
I see what you mean
tiny passing scum simply don't understand
>>6446806
>>6446827
Fact of the matter is that even if you were to transition and not turn out like you'd hoped, the only people who really care in the negative are the nutjobs that no-one listens to or likes anyway.
You have a thinner jaw than I do, and bigger eyes, so big pluses there.
Why don't you try doing some slightly feminine things that guys can get away with? If you have any artistic inclinations at all, why not emphasise those while maybe wearing more feminine clothing, eyeliner, maybe getting your ears pierced etc. If you're really daring get your eyebrows done too, it makes a huge difference. You can feel better and at the same time be a cool rebellious type.
To me it sounds like you're in the same headspace I was a year or so ago; I was finally accepting how much I want to be female but I wasn't yet ready to wrap my head around the process of realising it. Your brain throws up all kinds of obstacles and makes some look a lot bigger than they are.
You're welcome, OP.
>>6446850
>the only people who really care in the negative are the nutjobs that no-one listens to or likes anyway.
so you mean myself then? and everybody in normal society
>>6446850
Even people who don't care in the negative still have perception, though; even if they accept me as a TG, they still know I'm a TG. I want to be able to actually pass, and being tall af is a pretty big obstacle. I don't think I'm making it seem bigger than it is. Don't think I don't appreciate the advice or anything, and thanks for the compliment, but I don't want to put all this time and money into a transition if I'm not actually transitioning. I already act pretty feminine honestly, and a lot of people jokingly call me a girl or whatever, but that's just not enough.
I'll probably either end up reluctantly going through a change in a few years regardless, or just cutting my life short. I hate being a male so much, I guess the question is whether or not I'd hate being an obvious and unpassable trap more.
>>6446935
What?
>>6446969
>so you mean myself then? and everybody in normal society
See? They discredit themselves.
>>6446972
There are plenty of tall cis women, many very attractive. You don't even really believe it's a problem yourself, because there's no way you could still believe height is an issue if you did some research on the topic, and you didn't do research on the topic because you don't want it to be easy. If it's easy, what happens next? You might have to turn your life upside down.
Then again, if you're unhappy now...
>>6447326
Believe me, I'd love to believe you, but I haven't known any girls IRL who are taller than 6 or so feet tall. I'm just saying, being a TG in and of itself would just inherently make it harder to look like a natural born female, and adding my height onto that makes it seem impossible. It's not that I don't want it to be easy, it just needs to be completely believable. I know a lot of people are all into the LGBT rights thing and all that, openly identify as transgender and all that, but I would never ever do that. I would need to maintain the illusion that I'd always been a girl, or it would just be pointless for me. I really really don't want to be a "transgender" at all, I just want to be female.
It's probably going to have to happen eventually if I decide to try to live a somewhat happy life, but I don't know if I can do it unless I can be a girl.
>>6447343
I would call Jodie Kidd very attractive and she's 6'2".
Do you not understand the concept of stealth? There are plenty of trans girls who work hard on passing and then do so instead of trying to find reasons not to.
I can't make your decisions for you but you're here asking questions so it's obviously an issue for you.
The general consensus is that these feelings don't go away but they can be treated. If you don't want treatment, that's your call.
If you're going to kill yourself anyway at some point, why not give it a shot with the time you have? Waiting longer and transitioning later is a lot harder.
Bottom line is that it's up to you. Your mind -WILL- make it seem harder and worse than it is from where you are. You -CAN- pass. You -CAN- be female for all intents and purposes.
You -CANNOT- change who you were born as. You -CANNOT- change what you've done with your life so far. You need to stop dwelling on wanting to be born female and either grab life by the tits, transitioning and being who you want to be, or you can let it kick you in the balls and be a depressed dude for the rest of your life.
>>6447362
Do you actually think I could pass, or is this more of a blanket statement?
Because that's honestly always been my one biggest issue. The few other people I've talked to about this have always just said it doesn't matter if people know and stuff like that. But that's obviously not enough for me. I understand the concept of stealth, but I've just never thought I could personally do it, with my height and face.
>>6447418
You could pass, you haven't really done a lot with your appearance so far so why would you judge that you can't?
There are trans girls our height who have more masculine features who pass, so if they can - why can't you?
I suggest you seriously consider talking to a therapist about this and maybe exploring some things you want to do to your appearance. When you start to see a girl under everything looking back at you in the mirror it's a pretty special feeling.
>>6447326
>See? They discredit themselves.
you might as well just tell me not to feel dysphoria, because that's essentially what you're saying
>>the only people who really care in the negative are the nutjobs that no-one listens to or likes anyway.
like seriously? back to susan's or tumblr or wherever the fuck.
it's a perfectly normal thing to be uncomfortable around weirdos and freaks. even if you discard that, put me on a deserted island, looking like some hon freak DOESN'T MAKE ME HAPPY. it's not all
>lelele wow I'm SOOO AWESOME XD looove myself why doesn't society accept that some women are 6'1 with tiny hips and beard shadow?? ugh bigots
do you even understand what it means to feel dysphoric about your body?
>>6447433
I guess I've just always seen myself as pretty ugly and mannish; I have a big nose and cleft chin, feminine beauty is just far from my thoughts when I look at my face. I don't know any trans people in real life, so I guess I don't have a good grasp on what people look like before they switch.
Knowing that someone out there has seen me and thinks that I could conceivably pass as an actual girl if I put forward the money and effort is a huge joy to me, though. It has me seriously considering it, since as you said, I may as well give it a shot while I'm alive. I need to save up some money, first of all, since I'm going to probably want FFS for sure. Thank you for the help, honestly. I've never even tried going to a gender therapist, but that's at least something I'm going to attempt now.
>>6447467
If you actually experience dysphoria, hating yourself is doing yourself no favours. Seek therapy.
>>6447512
oh wow i feel so much better now XD
>>6447473
Your nose isn't that big, and HRT will add fat to your chin.
You're expecting to be beautiful. Get that idea out of your head. The fact is that most women -aren't- beautiful. You might be envious of women in general, because they're women more than how pretty they may be.
It's true that HRT does a lot to help you pass, but a much bigger part comes from your mind: how well you can learn, in a relatively short timeframe, what women learn over years of growing up in how to care for yourself, how to accentuate the features that flatter you and distract from those that don't, & how to carry yourself.
This kind of stuff is hard to stay motivated for at times because you have periods of rapid advancement and stalling out. If you really want to, you can, though.
I hadn't met any other trans people IRL till a few days ago, when I started going to a different clinic which is staffed by some 40+ MtFs (I'm 23, for the record). I do, however, know quite a few others much closer to my age and know OF way, way more online.
You see yourself that way because the negative feelings about the masculine parts are overwhelming (at least they were/are for me).
It might be a good idea to get some really basic stuff (ie. Eyeliner, ear piercings, find a more feminine hairdo, slightly more feminine clothes if you can afford) that's all easily reversible, so there's no pressure.
If you learn how to utilise even those really basic things to accentuate what you -want- to see in yourself, I think you'll really gain some clarity in how you feel. You can do all that stuff in the comfort of your own home with no pressure or anxiety.
>>6447541
I am not your friend or your counsellor. If you are in distress, seek help. You'll get none from me with that attitude.
>>6447551
i'm glad, i don't want your nonsense. there is no help for me though. therapy is a meme and doesn't help.
>>6447590
Post a pic and we'll see
>>6447590
Says someone who hasn't undergone it against widely accepted fact.
>mfw
>>6447549
As long as I'm seen as a CIS woman, my level of beauty doesn't matter so much. I just dread the in-between phase where I'm not a woman or a man. I'll have to come out, and that's going to be one of the harder things. Thanks again for all of the advice, though, I really appreciate it!
