Today, I had my first appointment with a gender therapist. Although I was really scared at first, she made me feel very comfortable by using my real name, my proper pronouns… I felt like I was really honest with her and I could finally tell a specialist how I've felt deep inside. She told me how the gender correction process looks in my fucked up country, what can I do, that she needs to perform some tests to exclude some diseases and then we can start HRT. I came back so happy and excited, that I made a walk in a city I've never been to before, eventually getting lost there and dropping my phone (it no longer works) on the ground trying to open GPS maps.
But I somehow reached my home, asking people for directions (it was a really good day because everyone ma'amed me… i was fucking joyful and happy like an idiot). So anyways… then I had a talk with my parents. They told me that I act differently at home than when I'm talking with other people, that I'm undeniably a man and I try to become a girl because I hadn't been accepted as a boy. My mum told me to drop all contacts with all people that know about me at least for a month (though she told me she was actually being "too generous", that a whole year would be perfect in her opinion), to try to be a boy (by going to clubs, gyms)… She told me I'll never know without doing so and she is 90% sure that she's right and it'll help me realise I am a boy though. Also she wants to meet the therapist… I'm not scared of what she's gonna say to her… I'm more scared that it may become a family crisis… that they may even forbid me from seeing the therapist. I'm a highschool student and I live with them which means I should always agree with their conditions…
What do…
I sorta feel she may be right and I don't have guts to argue with her… but I do really feel awful in my body and I want to change it if it's possible. I can't see myself as a dude, I find myself ugly, I hate my genitals, I hate my every masculine trait. I'm not misandric though – I love my boyfriend and I think he's a wonderful man. I also love my dad… I really don't find manliness worse or anything, it just doesn't much seem to fit me. But maybe it should? Maybe I'm just deluded?
>>6252988
Tell her you don't need a month to figure it out and that you've been figuring it out your whole life.
Also remind her normal guys never think of being a woman, and in fact most would resent the idea.
>>6253150
Have I? I never had much friends outside the internet; I don't have much experience with social situations and stuff.
>>6253170
Just look back at what you wrote, you were obviously happy to start hrt.
It may be hard to believe, but an actually cis gendered person would never think of doing this.
>>6253196
How are you sure I'm not just deluded?
>>6253204
You're the only person in the world that knows the answer to that.
You're waiting for me to tell you what you want to hear, so I'm pretty sure your mind is already made up.
>>6253252
I don't even know now what's inside my head. My parents make me feel like I don't know myself at all to be honest. They somehow make me feel they're right, though inside my heart I just want to be myself… a woman.
Just because parents know what buttons to push to get to you doesn't mean they know what's inside your head even if they've known you your ntire life.
>>6253259
You need to live for yourself, not your parents. At the end of the day, you will outlive them so they shouldn't have a say in your life. I'm assuming you're 18 since you went to the therapist on your own and since this is 4chan, so start acting like an adult and don't wait on mommy and daddy's approval forever.
>>6253303
Yup, I turned 18 in December. You're probably right, but… it'd be really hard. They seem to be like omnipotent. They can always even take my bank card and leave me with nothing. I've always trusted them so I never had to worry about my privacy…
>>6252988
>They told me that I act differently at home than when I'm talking with other people
This is normal. People act differently depending on who they're with.
>>6252988
>(though she told me she was actually being "too generous", that a whole year would be perfect in her opinion)
>You should wait a few years just to be sure :^)
>Few years later.
>Oh oops, now your T-ravaged body will never pass as female. Better just put this whole tranny thing behind you.
>T..thanks mum.
That's probably what's going through her mind.
>>6253340
Yup. She's like "you're to young to decide about it, most trans people transition when they already know about life"……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………
Bump… I'm feeling so scared… what am I? i only know that i hate my body, prefer to talk with people as a woman and that i wouldn't regret transitioning (except maybe it's just how i'm feeling now). why do my parents make me think like i always should consider their opinion on top of my own one… i wanna die, i feel i can no longer be myself, the talk i just had with them make me feel like everyone i've ever loved and made me happy is fake. why live
>>6252988
How old are you? If you're old enough to get a jerb then gtfo out of there.
>>6256539
18… it'd be hard when i have no education certificate yet… especially in my country. the only thing i could do is digging holes in the ground, cleaning the street, picking strawberries etc… and they only pay like $2/hour (or less) for each of these. i wouldn't be able to afford any place to live, except maybe a homeless shelter. i don't know if it's worth it so i'm asking for advices about convincing my parents and understanding if i'm really trans to begin with.
>>6256524
The place most people get to is 'stuck between a rock and a hard place.' You're the only one who can decide which choice is worse. Transitioning is horribly difficult, but so is dysphoria. The longer you let things boil over the worse off you'll be on either end- Once your body starts going through the later stages of male aging transitioning and being passable as a woman is way harder, and the male features and social treatment that may bother you now will become more prevalent (both from physical growth and the status older men carry in society.)
These feelings tend not to actually 'vanish'- some folks crossdress to indulge themselves, for example, but I don't know if all of them are happy. It really comes down to what kind of life you're trying to lead.
My personal opinion is that it's a lot easier to live as a man after a few years on hormones than to live as a woman after a few more years without. If you're 'ma'am' to strangers, you're in a really good position right now. In 10 years you'll look more like your father. How that makes you feel is up to you.
>>6256580
I am passablish already, especially with make-up. I have a fucking slim waist, broad hips, gynecomastia tits and I get called "ma'am" really often. Of course it could've been better and there are parts of my body I can't stand looking at. So generally I know what to expect from hormones and it rather won't make my body feel alien anyhow. I just want it not to get any worse with time at least. At least I feel so… maybe it's easier to accept myself as a dude.
op you have a toxic parents and you need to realize that, there is a lot of resources on that matter so go and educate yourself. tl;dr you're not gonna go far with family like that
okay, thank you all. i decided i won't try to tell myself i'm a boy because i'm a fucking girl and i need hrt. my parents can't know how i am feeling, all their arguments sound like total bullshit desu. i'm gonna pretend, do anything to just keep them calm and transition. then i graduate from school, look for a job and i'm free.
>>6256699
good luck soldier.
>gender therapist
No offense anon but they are people literally paid to make sure your mental illness doesn't result in suicide, taking the lesser poison of pumping you full of hormones and indulging your strange psychosis of pretending to not have a penis
Go to a real therapist and make some friends outside of online image boards and I'm sure you'll realize your mistake in time
>>6256764
She doesn't need a therapist now that she's made up her mind though, just needs hormones.
>>6253196
>It may be hard to believe, but an actually cis gendered person would never think of doing this.
This. Fucking THIS. This is why I always take trans men or women at their word when they talk about their gender identities, because cross-dressing, HRT and gender-confirmation surgeries are things I would never, ever want to do.
Cis male reporting in. They'll have to shave my beard from my cold, dead face.
>>6252988
Ask her if she's taken a year off to try being a man herself?
>>6253259
Parents project a ton of shit on their kids, usually their own. Parents probably have a vision of you as a strapping young lad that has nothing to do with reality. They're not actually an objective source.
My parents had trouble even acknowledging that I'm on the low end of upper body strength due to a physical condition.
>>6258696
gg-ggET OTU ofF MY SAFE-SPAAACEE!11!!1
>>6258696
>t. closet case
When you find out that you can't keep repressing in 20 years, we'll all point and laugh at the hon.
>>6258731
>mfw anti-Hon contingency murder/suicide
>>6258672
She's actually like "If that's so simple, then I am a man too! I probably have a male brain because women are stupid and I don't understand why would you want to become one". So edgy of a mum.
>>6258682
Yeah, I think they didn't even know my feminine side and tried to make the image of me in their head look masculine. I remember my middle school
>oh son, which girrrrrls do you like at school? ;3
>well, umm, idk, i guess Anne is kinda cute, she has umm big breasts and always has cool nails
>(tfw i actually was jealous of that)
And then after my coming-out
>don't you remember? you had a CRUSH on Anne, you always liked big boobs like every MAN!
It is fucking ridiculous when I think of it. Situations like that happened really often. And except I was pretty much close with her and shared many secrets, for a very long time I didn't feel confident enough to tell her about it. Also at first I weren't even sure how to even call the way I have been feeling and what I even wanted – I just had a dysphoria and in the depths of my heart I wanted to be a girl. So of course when I was 3 or even like 7 i wouldn't come to my mum "mum, I am a transsexual woman and I want to change my gender". I was just like "y-yeah, i'm a boy", without thinking much of this.
>>6258696
Lmao, I prefer to be a tranny than to be a guy I think.
