What does an ideal relationship look like to you? What do you want to and not want to do?
Old:>>6115815
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>So, what exactly IS asexuality?
There are two commonly used definitions, the first (from dictionary.reference.com):
asexual (a-sek-shoo-el) in medicine
3. lacking interest or desire in sex
And the second (from asexuality.org):
An asexual is someone who does not experience sexual attraction
(to prevent confusion; latter preferred)
>soitsfuckingnothing.jpg
If it helps, asexuality is recognized in the DSM-V: "if a lifelong lack of sexual desire is better explained by one's self-identification as 'asexual', then a diagnosis of... [male/female sexual/arousal disorder]... is not made."
>Okay, so, that didn't actually tell me anything.
So you want to read more about asexuality. Cool.
If you want science:
http://www.asexualexplorations.net/home/extantresearch.html
If you want popular articles/videos/websites:
AVEN - The Asexuality Visibility & Education Network (asexuality.org)
Asexuality 101 (asexualawarenessweek.com/101.html)
Letters to an Asexual (and other relevant videos) (youtube.com/user/swankivy)
>/acegen/ halp! I think I might be asexual!
Do either of the above definitions apply to you? Both? Yes? No? Not sure? Start by asking yourself whether or not you experience sexual attraction as it is described here: imgur.com/pdIxHYc
>[questiongoeshere]
Hey, we're pretty chill, so if you've got a question: ask it.
Just don't hold it against us if we take awhile to get back to you; we're the slowest general on the board.
And map:
https://www.zeemaps.com/map?group=1764048
Mostly interested in masculine people but open to exceptions. greysexual (im into kink) and would prefer to date somone greysexual too. They must be smart, complicated and a bit crazy(I definitely am). Nobody under 24 or over 40(im 29)
>>6171703
What does your grey asexual look like?
>>6171703
I personally don't think that having a fetish or being into kink makes you sexual unless you enjoy a fetish/kink that involves sex.
>>6171354
>What does an ideal relationship look like to you? What do you want to and not want to do?
My ideal relationship actually sounds pretty weird when I try to explain to people who aren't asexual. Basically, I want someone that is basically a best friend that I live with and care for but also do kink related things with. In a perfect world, I would like it to not be an open relationship but I think I could deal with an open relationship if I was watching it in a certain headspace.
I just read http://www.doctornerdlove.com/2014/08/are-you-sexually-compatible/
I find it fascinating, that relationships don't seem based on experiences, friendship, favours, or something, but it seems a purely sexual thing. It's disgusting, and sad.
I think that's why, I'll die virgin, as I think relationships are glorified friendships where love and understanding are the main point,s not sex.
>>6176619
Yeah, it kinda made me sad and confused when I ended up in a small debate with a sibling about how a marriage or being in a relationship doesn't have to involve sex.
It's kinda weird how they would simply say "What else is it for? Then you're just best friends. That's stupid."
>>6171354
asexuals have no souls
>>6176680
We actually could get into philosophy if you want to.
Here's a question: at what point does something lack a soul? Do animals have souls? How many cells does it have to have until it has a soul?
Get the fuck off our board. Lack of sexual attraction =/= a sexuality
>>6176687
every asexual ive met are assholes who have no personality. They don't care about intimacy and fulfilling their partners sexual desires. why would you care about someone who doesn't give a shit about sex. They have no souls because part of being human is being loving and intimate with people.
>>6176696
I personally like to think of sexuality being a point on a graph of 4 quadrants. 1 being bisexuality, 2, being homosexuality and 3 being heterosexuality and 4 being asexuality.
So I like to think of asexuality being a sexuality due to it being a lack of a thing. But I guess that's kinda like how people think that atheism is a religion due to the lack of belief. So yeah, there's a bit of debate on that end but at least we aren't wearing fedoras and saying we're euphoric. I never liked those stuck up asexuals/atheists personally.
>>6176711
Well those people sound terrible. A lot of asexuals are fine with intimacy but just don't want sex. Are you sure those people weren't just sociopathic due to the lack of care for others?
>why would you care about someone who doesn't give a shit about sex
Sorry for cutting up your response but I wanted to make sure you knew what I was talking about. I personally care about many people who don't care about sex like relatives or pets. Are you just talking about possible people you would like to have a sexual relationship with? I could actually see that happening since people should be able to have a relationship that fits their needs and desires.
>>6176744
Yes, most people look for partners to be with so alot of social interactions for singles have underlying expectations of sex when you meet someone as a potential date which will be most people you meet. The only other times you would care to meet and interact with others is if you want friends or you have to deal with coworkers and customers when you are working/volunteering. What is the point of spending your time interacting with someone and not have it end up being any of those results I just mentioned. And if people didn't have to work then it would just be friends and lovers. I just can't see where asexuals fit for this. What I am saying is dating leads to eventual sex since it is the typical expectation of intimacy. Heck I even say i'm hyper intimate as anyone I am close to I would love to be intimate with on a cuddling level or kissing level, but society has alot of taboos when it comes to intimacy outside your partner so I keep that part to myself. I just don't understand the mindset of an asexual when I'm such an intimate person. Intimacy to me means anything from sex to foreplay and cuddling with people that you really care about and love not just your partner and marriage to me means you devout monogamy to that person you chose to marry.
>>6176786
I think that's the typical problem that many people have with asexuals because sex is expected when you go into a relationship. So many asexuals will often mention that they are asexual during or before the first date even occurs as a heads up.
>Intimacy to me means anything from sex to foreplay and cuddling with people that you really care about and love not just your partner and marriage to me means you devout monogamy to that person you chose to marry.
That's actually how a lot of asexuals feel as well. Many people feel as though their partner is a person that they really care about as well and will often cuddle with them and kiss them in order to show their love for them.
Marriage typically means "Hey, I'm going to be intimate with only you." unless you have some other thing going on such as an open relationship or you and your partner have a different set of morals/beliefs of what a marriage can entail.
But yeah, a lot of intimate/sexual people tend to become very confused at the thought of asexuality because it's like dividing by zero in their heads so you're not alone in that aspect.
>>6171354
Straight guy here, (20y/o and a virgin), just felt like answering this very direct and logical question.
Highly sexual relationship, not planning for life/marriage, no need to even talk about the distant future, deeply in love with each other, super affectionate kissing/cuddling all the time.
Might be impossible to find a relationship like that...
I might consider asexuality someday. Not so much as a natural compulsion, but as a mindset.
Besides, who wants condoms or stds, lol
>>6177052
>I might consider asexuality someday. Not so much as a natural compulsion, but as a mindset.
The words you are looking for are celibacy or abstinence.
>>6177351
I think you're right.
I was going off this definition
>lacking interest or desire in sex
The only reason for my lack of interest, is possible consequences (e.g. pregnancy and child support, std's, etc) So it's not really a lack of interest I guess.
>>6177475
If you go off of that definition, you wouldn't actually be lacking interest since you would simply be repressing the urge like a priest or monk would.
But those consequences can be helped by using barrier-based birth control (I suggest a female condom since men seem to like it better than a regular condom) and/or having a vasectomy.
>>6178222
I never suggested that you trust a woman with contraceptives. I often say to people to carry their own contraceptives because it's quite dumb to assume that someone else will have a condom or a trash bag or a candy wrapper to use.
In fact, no person should trust a random fuck with contraception because that's completely dumb. That's why I suggest a vasectomy because you're nipping that shit in the bud and the "surgery" (if you can call it that) takes like 10 minutes and you're in and out of the hospital.
It sounds more like you're making excuses for things you can easily fix with the things I suggested.
You said you didn't want kids or stds and didn't want to wear condoms, so I suggested that you use female condoms which feel closer to bareback since there's more friction. Plus a vagina-haver isn't going to complain about a thin layer being inbetween the penis.
And since you seemed so worried about having children, I also suggested a vasectomy.
But apparently you want neither, so the only thing I can suggest after that is just waiting for male birth control to be placed out and hope that they trust you enough to remember or ask your partner through the painful and long process of getting their tubes tied. It's the difference of being put under to remove a kidney or getting local anesthesia and cutting off a vein in your leg.
But I feel like you would complain about that as well so I'm going to just shut up now.
Am I the only one who feels they've been dealt shitty cards in terms of sexuality?
>>6178826
Can you elaborate? What's bothering you?
>>6178826
The people who ruined their lives by fucking the wrong people probably think the same thing.
>>6178826
A lot of people feel the same way.
Straight people feel the same thing. Gay people feel the same thing. Bi people feel the same thing.
>>6180550
He's probably just venting.
>>6176696
Faggot oppresion
im still birgin
TFW fell for my asexual best friend
What do? I think she's probably aromantic as well. It kills me because she always says "I love you," in a friend way and I'm suffering inside. Should I just continue to suffer? Don't wanna make shit weird.
>not that I'd expect anything from a relationship with her
>it's a lost cause, I just don't know if I should tell her how I feel or not
>>6185659
Tell her as a justification of why you want to be apart for some time. Then get over that crush, and maybe you can still be friends afterward.
>>6184547
saem
>>6182508
Well I like hearing what's on people's minds in regards to their asexuality
>>6185659
There's two routes
>Tell her, so that you can get over your dreams of being her "exception"
>Don't tell her, swallow it down, get over it, and move on, avoid making her feel awkward about you or distrusting you.
It's hard for me to say which is the best option. I have never felt the way you do, pining over someone and feeling pain over being just platonic. I don't understand it.
As an asexual girl, though, I can relate with your friend. I've had more than enough guys who I thought we were being nice friends and they end up asking me out. It's always super awkward. And afterwards I feel hyper aware of what we do so that I don't lead them on.
>Should I stop hugging as a greeting?
>Should we stop watching movies alone at home?
>Am I being too warm? Too obviously cold?
>>6187597
>>6185659
I've made some mistakes with the guys who have asked me out in the past. I think of one friend who I told, "I'm not really ready for a relationship right now." I had gotten out of a really awful long term relationship, and even now, a year later, I still don't feel ready.
Now where I thought I was saying, "I won't want relationships" he focused in on the "RIGHT NOW ".
He interpreted that as "wait for me", which was naive of me not to see. I've never felt a crush like that so I wasnt able to empathize with his view point.
Later he asked me out again, and I tried being more direct with my no.
Later a mutual friend revealed to me that he had said, "Anon says she doesn't want a relationship with me- but she's always laughing at my jokes, and smiling at me, and we hug our goodbyes.... I think she likes me!"
We eventually had to have a lengthy conversation about how I am not interested in him romantically at ALL, and I felt like I had to come out with being asexual and biromantic, leaning homoromantic. And I really didn't want to come out.
We seem to have recovered, but I always have to keep an eye on him.
I've had other friends who asked me out and were much smoother in their recovery. I still have to watch myself, because I'm a touchy feely person, and I'll see the look on their face and be like "Oh yeah, people with sexual attraction interpret this action differently"
>>6187604
I imagine it's way easier as a guy, I've only had one girl say she liked me and even after that I feel pretty safe in the assumption that I would have to be the one initiating anything so I'm in the clear.
>>6188009
Since I've got you here, can you tell me more about how not being romantic with her makes you suffer?
I've had crushes before, but it's mostly like "hm, I suppose we'd be a good match if we dated" but it never bothered me much and I never really went through with them.
>>6187898
Yeah I'm kinda jealous of guys in that respect.
But guys also get more flack than girls do for avoiding romantic/sexual partners. So I suppose it's a trade off.
>>6188244
Yeah, girls have some weird standard where you can't really date a lot but you should have someone. I feel like guys have a more lax standard where as long as you're getting out and asking chicks out then you're fine.
It's kinda weird how a lot of standards are based on sex when I don't really want anything. In fact, I was just being asked what my type was and I simply said "no one" because I firmly believe there is no one that could meet my standards, have similar kinks, be okay with no sex in a kinky relationship and be happy.
God hates the gays
Does anyone else not relate to loneliness?
I've literally spent months at a time without social contact and still been fine
>>6188935
Some people are just able to go along without social contact for quite awhile and some aren't.
I'm sure it's going to hard to deal with people in a normal way since you've gone without practice in such a long time.
>>6188774
What kind of stupid world do u live in?
Grow up, kid.
>>6189117
I'm sorry can you explain?
Do asexuals masturbate? Can you masturbate?
I dont mean to be crude sorry if it comes off badly
>>6189441
Not crude, nope! Don't worry, these questions are fun
Some of us do, some of us don't.
For me, I never really have the craving to masturbate. Every so often I'll do it because I want to remember what an orgasm feels like.
I can't bring myself to orgasm with my fingers only, though. Just a vibrator.
I really have to focus on it too, or I lose my train of thought and lose it.
>>6189441
I never did, until yesterday. It was okay. Not sure if I'll ever do it again or not.
Now I can no longer claim to be a 20 something man who never jerked off, not that anyone ever believed me anyway.
>>6189441
Maybe once a week. I rarely feel it was worth the mess after the fact.
>>6189441
This is actually something that comes along with saying you're asexual like how trans people get questions about their junk.
Some asexual people do. Some asexual don't. I personally do and it's often to porn.
>>6178826
No kidding I feel like any sort of relationship is impossible.
>>6190715
Yeah, it's a bit hard to find someone if you don't want to have sex and also don't want an open relationship.
>>6190730
I don't mind an open relationship so long as I was their primary relationship.
>>6190773
Can we trade brains? I'm too insecure and anxious to have someone have sex with someone else because I would probably think of them as sullied or dirty or something else dumb like that.
>>6190788
I would just be afraid it they would like their partners more than me lol but cheating can (and most likely will) happen in any relationship.
>>6190816
Yep, that too. I can honestly see them go "Why am I with this no sex person when I be with the yes sex person?" and then leaving.
>>6189662
I'm similar to this anon. I masterbated for the first time a week ago. I guess it felt ok? I don't have any great urge to do it again though.
>>6175715
So you do want to have sex?
>>6176696
Guys, look. I found the tranny! It looks like taking up 80% of the board with their constant NEET hugboxing isn't enough to quench their thirst for attention.
>>6192941
No, not at all.
>>6192894
To be quite honest, orgasms are a bit overhyped.
>>6192995
Not all trans folks feel this way. I'm trans and bi and my partner is grey. Just wanted to say that asexuals do have friends in the trans camp.
Its not a tranny issue, its an ignorance issue.
>>6193825
I feel you. Acegen is usually pretty chill. I'm surprised to see trans hate here, but I assume it's just someone who came in without being a regular
>>6194155
Or it's just one of those grumpy aces with a stick up their ass. I'm surprised the sociopathic ace hasn't showed up yet.
Does anyone else get irritated when writers force romance into films and tv series? I can't stand it when I'm suddenly bombarded with a writer pushing two characters that only had two brief conversations while making kissing sounds.
I wish more people knew how to make something more believable than just going "Hey, these people are both attractive and around the same age. They should fuck."
>>6196796
Sharon Carter.
>>6197687
If you're talking about her romance with Cap in the new movie, I would also say that was heavy handed. The only one that kinda worked was Scarlet Witch and Vision because it actually felt like something growing in a movie that had compressed a lot of stuff into a 2 hour movie.
>be me 22
>raging quarter life crisis
>get girfriend and stop feeling like the whole world has abandoned me
>feel like shit again because it turns out I'm still asexual and I'll probably never be a normal adult
How to cope with this feeling?
>>6199161
For me, I simply accepted that I'm garbage and am currently waiting for my family to give up on me so I can kill myself.
>>6196796
I can't stand Game of Thrones because of all the sex scenes. I really feel excluded, because I'm interested in medieval and fantasy stories, but it feels like edgy sex and rape scenes by folks like George Martin and Bernard Cornwell dominate the genre.
>>6199302
Yeah, I don't understand why the scenes have to so graphic when they could be handled in a better way. It's not even softcore porn. It's just porn at some points just to stroke their dicks at their edginess.
I think I'm falling for an asexual+aromantic woman. Has anyone experience with queerplatonic relationships?
>>6199282
lol
thanks for immediately reminding me why I stopped frequenting this board
>>6199359
I've sort of accidentally had them, if I understand the definition correctly.
Mostly stemmed from me not understanding the fact that I'm biromantic and not understanding what physical touch is like for sexuals.
Basically for me, it was friends who I always hugged to greet, put my arms around them, cuddled, nuzzled, held hands with, scratched each other's heads, etc etc. Just being intimate and physically close.
It was nice.
Some were more receptive to it than others. I had a couple friends who I would do this to, and only found out years later that they kinda just let me do it to them, but weren't much into it themselves. Not super touchy feely.
Which was funny. We had a good laugh. They didn't mind it.
>>6199359
What is queerplatonic?
Should I go to an asexuality comedy show in my city tonight? Part of me thinks it would be a good opportunity to actually meet other aces. The other part of me worries it will be very, very cringey. I've never been to a meetup before.
>>6189441
I do. It varies between about one a week to every other day, usually depending on how stressed or bored I am. I do it typically because I have the urge to, though sometimes just purely out of boredom or because I'm just like "eh I just feel like masturbating, what the hell might as well"
Usually to (quite fetish-focused) porn.
Also I agree with >>6193549. Sometimes I have a pretty okay orgasm, but usually they're more "meh" than anything. Definitely overhyped.
>>6199161
Find another girlfriend that can accept you for who you are. Find someone you're compatible with.
>>6190788
>I would probably think of them as sullied or dirty or something else dumb like that.
Oh god I relate to this and I have no logical reasoning for it. I had a cuddle buddy and she had sex with someone and I couldn't look at her the same way for a while and I really couldn't explain why (I still can't)
>>6200796
I don't really know how to explain how I feel about imagining someone I know having sex. I guess I could explain it as saying it's like finding out that they have a habit of picking their own boogers and then eating them? It makes you look at them in a different way and think that something is wrong and this shouldn't be happening.
>>6200651
It'll probably be cringey but at least you'll get a good story out of it and if it isn't, you'll meet some cool people there.
>>6202337
I wouldn't even describe it like that. I'd say it's more like... I don't know, shitty example would be to say that to me it's like someone finding out that someone else was one a prostitute. A kind of "why the hell would you do that" kind of thing alongside this word feeling of interest around them or something even though it's only knowledge of the fact, not having witnessed it firsthand or anything.
Maybe it's like finding out that they used to work at a waste treatment plant and had to personally handle shit or something. Like you said, that kind of "eww, gross" thing about them. Nothing has actually changed between you two, they behave exactly the same, but you just cannot, whatever you do, look at them the same way every again
>>6200651
It's gonna be quite cringey, probably. Possibly worth it. As the other anon said, you could get a good story out of it.
Alternatively, there may be other actual aces that go feeling the same was as you, worrying about the cringiness of it all. If that's the case you could find like-minded people to hang out with at the event and it could end up being a ton of fun in the end
>>6202801
That's probably the best metaphor for something like that
>>6204064
>>6202801
If I found out that someone I knew was a prostitute, I'd assume that circumstances beyond their control have put them in a place of desperation and horror. Either they have no other choice or their judgment is so poor that they're beyond help. So yeah, just a more severe version of the way I feel about people who have sex.
>>6204222
Oh sorry, I meant the analogy about working at a waste treatment plant.
>>6171354
>What does an ideal relationship look like to you?
Me and qt gf love each other a lot, we go on dates and explore the city, but also stay in if either of our days was too stressful or if we simply feel like it. We share some interests but are also up to seeing what the other one is into and join in their hobbies if they'd like us to.
We also share our apartment with loads of qt kittens.
>What do you want to and not want to do?
I want there to be a lot of communication going on, as I feel it's an often overlooked part of relationships, even though it's so important and helpful. I'm also a really touchy person, so I'd enjoy my relationship to be filled with affection, and many cuddle sessions.
I have desires and needs, but it's not and has never been a priority. I want partnership more than anything but I cant bear the idea of being in a non-sexual relationship. I consider myself a cerebral person. What does this mean for me?
>>6205002
> I want partnership more than anything
>I cant bear the idea of being in a non-sexual relationship
>I have desires and needs
You already know what it means.
I wish I was asexual...
>>6204222
I may logically be aware that few people (though I actually know one such person) would actually want to do that, that most see no other option, the point I was trying to make was that regardless you'd probably still have those thoughts and feelings about it
>>6204227
Yeah that's what I figured
(Also the person you replied to wasn't me. Seems like you've gotten us confused, just trying to clear that up)
>>6204586
>kittens
>cuddle sessions
Yesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyes
>>6205060
>name: Trollface McBaitsalot
>tripfag
Nice try
>>6205146
>(Also the person you replied to wasn't me. Seems like you've gotten us confused, just trying to clear that up)
I knew that. Just wanted to make sure you understood which one I was talking about. I guess my skills in details need to be brushed up.
>>6205146
>Yesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyes
Y-You can apply for gf position, you know.
>>6200796
>Find another girlfriend that can accept you for who you are. Find someone you're compatible with.
Believe me, she absolutely accepts me for who I am. I literally told her I was asexual the first time she expressed romantic interest in me. She regularly states that all that counts for her is that I'm happy, and I can at least get hard and be comfortable with making her orgasm.
Still doesn't change the fact that I feel like a human failure everytime we get intimate. Lack of self-esteem is devastating in every way.
>>6205303
Sorry man, am man
>>6205357
Oh, the way I read your initial post was that you hid your asexuality from her but that that didn't end well. Sorry dude. Hopefully in time you'll come to accept yourself as much as she accepts you.
You have a keeper. You've found somebody who accepts yours asexuality without being themselves asexual. That's great. Tons of us can't say the same, and may never be able to say the same.
>>6205146
Trollface here, I was just trying a trip for another board so I came to a random one. That wasn't meant to be a troll post though, I do kind of wish I was asexual. I'm at a weird in between where I'm not feminine enough to really call myself trans, but I'm also not really manly either.
Sex and sexual attraction has virtually never brought me anything good in my life and I'm almost 40. I'd turn off the spigot if I could, but I can't.
>>6205372
thanks, that really makes me feel better.
>never ever felt any sexual attraction towards anyone, but find some people aesthetically pleasing. Fantasizing about people in a sexual way only feels weird. Have zero desire for hookups and such.
>Love erotic fiction and enjoy masturbation
>Have a gf whom I love, and I like sex, but while I know that she's considered attractive, I've never felt sexually attracted to her in any way
Am I asexual, autistic or just weird and confused?
>>6206017
You might be slightly grey asexual.
Functionally, you're straight/lesbian (idk your gender), so it isn't really a problem.
Usually why it becomes an identity is that the apathy towards sexual attraction builds up to the point that we actively dislike frequent sex. This becomes distressing.
It kind of relates to the 4 D's of psychology. Something is a problem when it has a combination of
>Distress (to the individual or to others)
>Deviance (from what is considered 'normal')
>Dysfunction (of being able to live a happy functional life)
>Dangerousness (to themselves or others)
You have deviance, and maybe some distress, but you don't really have a problem with dysfunction or dangerousness.
For some asexuals, it's considered a bit of a dysfunction because of the dissonance between wanting romance and not wanting sex.
Identities are more shorthand, than anything. It expresses what we want and to what degree.
>>6206171
Different anon here. I really like the idea of sex and am attracted to people and want to have sex. But when it comes to it I rarely enjoy it much. It's fine if I'm touching them, but I have found that I just don't like being touched and it usually kills the mood for one or both of us.
Is this some form of asexuality? Or something else?
>>6206210
It depends on a couple factors.
I had an ex who didn't like to be touched. He was a fairly anxious fellow and it manifested in being on edge when touched. He was also ridiculously ticklish, which was probably related.
Over the course of a few years I basically forced (with consent!) wandering hands on him.
I didn't actively tickle him (since that would add into his subconcsious anxiety about being attacked, unsafe) but I would put him in innocuous positions that tickled him, but really shouldn't have.
He would get ticklish if I just rested a hand in his thigh. After doing that a lot, and helping him calm down with my hand on him, he wasn't. Then he was ticklish if I moved my hand at all.
So on so forth, and he didn't really have he problems he didn't before.
If that's relatable, maybe a similar exposure therapy would help for you.
What I'd suggest is just narrowing down why you don't like it. How does it make you feel? On edge? Insecure? Embarrassed? Hyperaware? Out of control?
What are some associations you have with being touched? What was touch like in your family? Were you only really touched as a warning (firm hand on shoulder), as punishment (spanking), or when something bad happened (a hug after a death)?
Try to analyze yourself and find more words to describe it beyond "dislike" and " uncomfortable"
It might end up that it's not anything you have to work through at all, and it's just who you are.
I wouldn't necessarily call it a form of aseuxality, since you sound like you have a attraction and sex just fine.
It's either nothing to worry about, or something unrelated, I'd say.
>>6206285
Yeah, I flail uncontrollably when I'm tickled. As in I literally seem to lose control of my muscles. My girlfriend sometimes tickles a little but it just makes me spaz.
I don't think it's mental. It's not embarrassment or insecurity. I like all the ideas about being touched, and through clothing is nice. But the actual sensations are far too intense and not pleasant at all. Like the physical equivalent of nails on a chalkboard.
I wasn't touched a ton as a kid, but my family is fairly touchy in general. So I think it may be because I didn't seem to enjoy it as much. I don't remember entirely.
>>6206326
Not that anon but are you on the autistic spectrum? Not to be rude but what you're talking about can happen to patients with autism. Certain sensations tend to easily overload them.
>>6206340
That's not a bad idea, anon. I wouldn't have thought of that, and I work with people who work with autistic kids.
>>6178826
i think i got the best sexuality.
i'm super narcissistic about the whole thing, to the point i try not to talk too much about asexuality even when lgbt topics come up, because i see my friends sort of like animals in that they can't control their own attraction.
i just hate that i sometimes feel i wasn't geniuine when having sex, like i'm cheating the other person of being sexually wanted or that someone being sexually attracted to them is some great gift that i cannot give them.
>>6189757
what kind of porn?
i seem "locked" to non-gay porn for some reason, and definitely can't masturbate to something where the people fucking don't seem to know each other or there's no history etc. i think i'm watching porn to remind my dick what sex was like so that it would get easier to masturbate? does this make any sense at all to you?
>>6189441
pretty much what >>6200764 is saying, i do it for the cozy feeling that helps me fall asleep.
>>6206017
i'm pretty much in the exact same boat anon, and i consider myself asexual because it feels the most right way to describe me.
just find the word that fits you best and use that word.
>>6206326
You're HP. Also a navel gazing tumblr attention whore, but the latter you can change.
If you genuinely have no sexual attraction, get your hormones checked.
>>6206340
I haven't been tested for it, but that's another thing I've wondered about. I don't like or trust psychologists though so I have avoided any kind of testing. I make my way through the world alright so that's good enough for me.
>>6211218
What is HP? I even tried googling but there were too many things it could be. I don't use tumblr at all either though so maybe it's something about that? Anyways, it seems like you may not even really be reading
>If you genuinely have no sexual attraction, get your hormones checked.
I do have sexual attraction. It's that I don't enjoy the process when it actually comes down to it.
>>6210832
I can currently only do animated porn and when it involves real people, I can only enjoy porn that doesn't include women. I think it's because it brings my attention back to my own bits which I don't like and also a lot of women tend to fake their enjoyment.
>i think i'm watching porn to remind my dick what sex was like so that it would get easier to masturbate? does this make any sense at all to you?
Yeah, that does make sense. I personally only use porn to look the feelings that the people involved are having like seeing a person getting dominated or becoming very submissive.
>>6211304
Going to tell you now, that's the stupidest thing you should say in the situation. A psych is the only thing that's going to help you in this situation and I don't understand why you would crawl to people who know jack shit about anything and will willingly spill your entire life to only to have the high chance of being lead down the wrong path instead of just going to a professional that actually when to school for years for the kind of problems that you are having.
Also, if you're afraid of going because you think you might be carried into a sterile room by people in white, that's impossible. You're only committed if you are an active danger to yourself and others (i.e Telling them that you are going to kill yourself and others before the day ends or showing up while bleeding profusely from wounds you inflicted yourself).
Plus, going to psych is not what you're probably thinking. The waiting room has no crazy people mumbling in them. The psych's room is not some sterile, uncomfortable room while you lay on a couch and talk about your desire to fuck your mom. It's just a regular hospital waiting room with old magazines and then you go into a place that looks like am accountant's office.
You're not ordered to answer every question and you can stop whenever you want. Hell, you could step a foot right in, turn 360 degrees and moonwalk the fuck out if you wanted to.
>>6212249
>>>6211304 here
You're making the false assumption that I'm actively looking for help. I'm asking a few questions on 4chan out of curiosity in what people think, but I'm not looking at it as real help or even on a subject I think is important.
I am content with who I am. I am fairly certain I have some form of something that would get labeled as a disorder, but I'm neither interested in what that label is or getting help "fixing" it. There are aspects of my personality I would rather not share with any member of the public, and I'm good with that.
Hey /acegen/ i'm working on a project for my figure drawing class on asexuality, the thing is i don't know what to illustrate, my professor suggested a comic strip on how it makes me feel when people say that im ill in the head or that im not valid. Any suhgestion would be helpful! I apologize if this is off topic. (Pic not related)
>>6212367
Ah, sorry mate. It was a bit of a knee jerk reaction due to a lot of people coming on here thinking we're their psychs or something.
>>6213060
I would suggest looking at other artists that have made similar strips.
http://ace-comics.tumblr.com/
I know it's tumblr, but it's the best collection I could find on a quick notice.
Also this might be more of in the lines of what you're looking for https://tapastic.com/series/asexual
>>6212249
> I personally only use porn to look the feelings that the people involved are having like seeing a person getting dominated or becoming very submissive.
this make a lot of sense to me, sort of a horny catalyst to see people's unclouded personalities.
sorry you don't like your own junk anon, liking your own body feels rad as heck.
>>6215045
Nah, I like my own junk it's just when I see someone getting fucked in the vagina, my brain tries to equate that visual stimuli to my body. And since I'm sex repulsed, I immediately get turned off and become disgusted.
>>6215059
ah makes perfect sense. it really irks me how culture is pretty sex positive and in favor of getting sexual experience, but it's still so focused on experience where you yourself is an active participant, if you get off on something you have to want it yourself. i'm super excited for the idea of living out your own horniness vicariously.
>>6213060
someone here a while ago posted that they had a late revelation about what the motivation behind picking "dare" in "truth or dare" was, it blew my mind as well.
>>6215167
>someone here a while ago posted that they had a late revelation about what the motivation behind picking "dare" in "truth or dare" was, it blew my mind as well.
Wait... No... Oh god
>>6215405
Wait what holy shit
>>6215430
>>6217208
people wanted to get physical with someone they were sexually attracted to!
to me it was always obvious that the best choice was truth because that way you could see if someone liked you so that you could be intimate or whatever outside the game.
but the assumption is that people who experience sexual attraction wouldn't mind someone being forced by the games rules to do intimate things with them. like the physical intimacy itself is somehow desirable.
>>6217504
maybe to them licking that table was more erotic than gross
>>6217506
oh yeah baby, lick that table you little slut
>>6217475
I just always thought the truth thing was supposed to be used to find word about from their past or something along those lines. I never once considered that possibility and now the whole thing makes more sense. Which, frankly, I hate.
>>6217504
I just avoided the game altogether because I was like "well I don't want to do any weird shit with a dare so it's just truth or truth, but I don't want to answer any weird truth questions either". One time I played somebody was dared to lick somebody's foot or something and I was about to type that that's weird but I just realized that perhaps somebody had a foot fetish.
>>6217507
Oh yeah baby, just like that. Yeah clean that shit
>>6217595
>Which, frankly, I hate.
why?
>>6217611
Primarily, the fact that I never once noticed that, and secondarily the fact that the game that I deemed fairly innocent is probably inherently not
>>6213168
I get that, it's all good. I am curious about some things and wonder if certain aspects of my personality would map to asexuality rather than autism or something else. But as I'm not interested in changing who I am, what label a psych would give me is kind of irrelevant. And especially if it would end up being one of the "worse" ones, I don't want anyone to know or any potential records of it.
>>6218067
As with most games the level of innocence depends more on the people playing than the game itself.
>>6218067
moments like that never really cease to amaze to me. when you think "well asexuality isn't that different from normal society" and then you realize that when people call someone sexy, they're not making a judgement based on fashion, amount of skin shown, type of body, and overall charm, they're literally just saying "this person is someone i want to have sex with for no reason other than sexual attraction"
>>6218103
>and then you realize that when people call someone sexy, they're not making a judgement based on fashion, amount of skin shown, type of body, and overall charm, they're literally just saying "this person is someone i want to have sex with for no reason other than sexual attraction"
Nah, you're actually kind of wrong on that. It depends on context, but they're often actually just describing body type and fashion more than their particular interest.
>Nikki Minaj is sexy
Doesn't necessarily mean I want to have sex with her, but her image is designed to be sexy.
>that chick is sexy!
That's more of a "I want to fuck her" statement.
> "this person is someone i want to have sex with for no reason other than sexual attraction"
Also as to this, typically the reason you want to have sex with someone is because of sexual attraction. But sexual attraction is often about far more than just appearance.
Lately I've been questioning my gender identity again and concluded I must be trans. But there seems little motivation to actually transition if it's only for yourself as then you might only notice when looking in the mirror. I don't go places so I rarely see any people outside of work. Are there many trans aces?
>>6220601
Yeah, there's a few. It's probably less in number than other categories but they're there.
Does anybody else have the constant fear ofmpeople being attracted to them?
I basically dread anyone showing interest because there's a high chance of us not being compatible and I don't want to spend the energy and time to basically out myself and tell them "this isn't going to work because I am X, I like Y, and I don't like Z."
Then I'll have to deal with the possible debate that will somehow change my mind and win me over even though it's completely dumb and will deal with them basically calling me inexperienced and stupid and the thought of touching their magic genitals will somehow change my mind.
It's gotten to the point where I don't even dress the way I want to because I know I'll get comments even if I'm dressing for the weather.
>>6220797
YES
also there's like no appropriate time to tell someone that being sexually attracted to me isn't going to be paying off for you at all. "hey i noticed you're checking me out, but i would not advise to stay this course because i'm asexual".
>>6221159
I rarely notice people checking me out (usually when they actually ask me).
http://www.ogse.ru/?page_id=52
this game is a standalone and free mod, dont forget to patch it and watch moddb for updates - especially if it crashes! run launcher as admin before you play.
Posting it because this game features 0 girls, and all characters are aces, ironically most are called stalkers lol
if anyone finds a reference to fuckers please let me know
>>6221159
I kinda wish there was something I could wear that will make people not have any sexual interest to me.
Maybe I should just join a monastery.
>>6220797
This. The worst part is that I'm very close and touchy feely with people so they often think I'm trying to flirt with them.
>>6223957
It's kinda sad and confusing that a person can't be nice and kind to someone without having some kind of sexual interest driving them.
>>6220797
Sexuals are more afraid of you than you are of them. You're afraid that they want you, but they're absolutely horrified that you don't want them back. That's why they have to do those mental gymnastics to tell themselves that you're just inexperienced and would like them if you got to know them. If your fear ever really came into contact with their fear, they would prove the greater cowards. If you feel that you can do so safely, you can even get to know one to prove that it doesn't make a difference and they have nothing you want. You don't even have to explain that you don't want anyone; you can just say that you don't want them in particular, and if they protest that you're just playing hard to get, dare them to call your bluff and to walk away. It may be uncomfortable for you, but the discomfort you're giving them in return is far greater. Take courage from that.
>>6226466
This actually makes me feel much worse. I don't want to make people feel bad.
>>6226496
Fortunately, they're not all like that. If you're open, the people who can't handle your lack of attraction to them will disappear, and the people who actually want you for a friend will remain.
>>6226466
This sounds kind of sad.
>22 with absolutely no dating experience
>no-one's ever showed interest in me (pretty much)
>not attracted to any 'real life' people
>prickly and unaffectionate
>don't consider relationships or sex because it's just never come up
>probably too self hating for that anyway
Is this asexuality? Or am I just repellant with high standards or something? When people hear I'm forever alone, they ask if I'm asexual and react like it's weird when I say no.
>>6229271
I bet it is. Living with that crippling, unending fear of rejection can't be easy for them. That doesn't mean they're entitled to have everyone like them, though.
>>6230463
Not being attracted to real people and not considering sex does mean that you're asexual. If you want to be certain, maybe try to get some help with the self-hatred issues and see if you feel the same way.
How does one tell if being ace is caused by depression or anxiety or not?
I'm a mental wreck and have been for most of my older teen and adult life, so it's hard to tell if I just don't want to have sex or am I killing my own desires.
>>6231040
Fix the depression and anxiety, duh.
>>6231040
I've been diagnosed with depression for six years, and probably have been for a while before that.
The conclusion that I've come to, is that it doesn't really matter. The supplements I've taken to try to make me have sexual attraction haven't helped any, I feel the same way sexually on and off meds, I've felt the same way sexually when I'm feeling a bit better and when I'm down in the depths.
Asexual describes what I'm doing and feeling right now to the greatest extent.
If it changes someday, great!
But possibly having it in the future doesn't stop what I'm going through now.
I'm not attracted to men, and I'm not attracted to women, and the though of having sex with either is kind of gross, but it's weird to think that because of this, I'm asexual. I dunno, maybe I'm depressed or maybe my hormones are out of whack or maybe I'm just hardcore repressing whatever true sexuality lies underneath. I just really, really, would prefer not to be asexual for some reason. I guess I just don't know what my future is supposed to be like if I'm not going to be getting married like everyone else.
I guess I'm just venting here, but does anyone else share these feelings? It's nice to not be alone.
>>6234988
> I just really, really, would prefer not to be asexual for some reason. I guess I just don't know what my future is supposed to be like if I'm not going to be getting married like everyone else.
That's actually how I felt last year. When I thought of "asexual", I thought of someone that won't get married or will never be together with someone. Someone broken that will be alone.
But then I saw asexuals living a happy life with others. A lot have gotten married. Some even have a kinky and/or poly lifestyle as well.
I would suggest looking into your heart and seeing why you want to be like everyone else. For me, it was an honor complex that my parents hammered into me and I'm still trying to shake it off because it caused me large amounts of depression and anxiety.
Hey /acegen/, I need some advice.
About a week ago I found somebody that is quite clearly attracted to me. I've felt romantic attraction before but it's only ever been to people I've grown close to in general (friends), but I'm not close to this person. They seem like they'd make a good friend, but again I'm just not close to them (yet). As such I'm not really attracted to them, though I've been wanting to have a relationship with someone for a while and as such I'm willing to try dating them. Yesterday I asked them to dinner on Sunday (and they accepted, and we've already planned where to go and all that). I'm worrying that I might be somewhat leading them on though because I'm not attracted to them (if I ever become attracted to them it would only really happen after a while, perhaps at least a month).
In regards to these potential for sex with them (assuming everything goes alright, of course), I've never had sex before but I guess I'm willing to try though I can't imagine I'd be too enthusiastic about it. Honestly I'd be more than pleased to keep it to cuddling, and if they'd be alright with that all would be perfect but I just don't know at this point.
I don't really know what I'm trying to ask, other than just... do I continue? Do I try with them? Do you think I may me leading them on a bit or anything? What do I do? Thanks in advance.
>>6230803
Damn, that's a bummer. I'm working on the self-hatred but it's no easy fix. In therapy for that getting nowhere, ongoing gender crisis and some kind of asexual. Great.
>>6236924
Oh duh, a big thing I meant to ask but forgot to write in
Do I tell them I'm asexual? If so, when? When 'the time comes'? Do I do it tomorrow at dinner to give some kind of a warning so that they don't get their hopes up?
>>6236924
>>6237421
One thing to remember, is that a date is not a contract. It is the lead up to developing expectations. Like you said, you don't know each other very well. The dates are to get to know each other.
If the conversation steers towards sex, then you could mention it. My lead in has always been saying that I'm "not a very sexual person". I might go on to explaining asexuality or I might leave it like that for then.
Just relax. It's okay. It's just a date.
>>6237673
Not that anon but I'm not even sure if I should even try to go on dates with sexual people because I'm asexual. I always feel like I should turn everyone down because the relationship will just end up in a stressful situation about sex anyway.
>>6238703
Eh, you won't know until you try.
>>6235605
> i saw asexuals living a happy life with others ... some even have a kinky and/or poly lifestyle
i dont understand what this means, can you explain?
>>6176619
Ever heard of the phrase 'sex alone does not a relationship make'. Very old saying but it is very true what it IS however the lubricant, the oil that keeps the gears of the relationship working by greasing it. While important it alone wont make it work and woe to those who try.
Problem is that kind of screws over aces while at the same time getting their hopes up. Same for those who are interested in dating aces but aren't ace themselves.
I studied people, attractions, and relationships far too much when i was busy still trying to figure things out. Plus side it made me a fucking miracle worker when it comes to manipulating people. Which has been nice and not so nice particularly because its been so deeply ingrained I do so by instinct/accident now. Which can be both amusing and scary.
>>6176711
I am actually a huge romantic but too bad romance has been dead for awhile now. I can't even give flowers anymore because no one understands their meaning.
>>6178310
They do actually. I swear I have met more women who hated condoms more then men who did.
>>6178826
nope.
>>6185659
You need to either take a possibly lengthy break from your friendship with her for the sake of getting over her, tell her(probably bad), or just end it.
Unfilled love isn't at all pretty, but I have seen people who fell in love with the wrong person take a break with dealing with said person then going back after they finally got over them. It can actually happen.
Most of the time when someone confesses it tends not to go very well or much more rarely go VERY well.
>>6187898
It is. Women are MUCH more indirect about it so its easy to brush off.
Not for them though good way to torment themselves till they break, give up, or get over it and possibly never actually succeeding at it.
>>6189441
I dream of the day I never have to masturbate again which is probably never because its good for my health. Still a guy can dream.
>>6241890
I dream of the day I am free of my hormones. Albeit how good testosterone is for my muscles and stoicism. A machine body is superior.
in a cold metal shell. Clean and powerful beyond the measure of any man.
>>6238703
From personal experience, its not worth the time. The kindest thing to do is tell them that you're not interested right up front. Otherwise, the relationship will end up becoming increasingly hostile/frustrating. Unless you see them at an asexual meetup, don't assume that they'll understand. Yup, even when they say upfront, 'no sex? Oh yeah, I understand.' To them, that really means, 'you haven't met anyone that you've been sexually interested in, but once I give you the business you'll be a hungry sexual beast like me and we'll be breaking down the internet with our elicit videos'. Towards sexual people, the attitude towards asexuality is 'don't worry, I can fix that right up for ya'.
>>6241822
They're in a happy relationship and some of those relationships even had fetish elements. Some people even had open relationships where they could date around.
>>6243133
>Towards sexual people, the attitude towards asexuality is 'don't worry, I can fix that right up for ya'.
Ugh, that always makes me want to throw up when I hear something like that.
>>6237673
>One thing to remember, is that a date is not a contract.
I know. I'd really like it to work though. They showed interest in me first and that never really happens and this may be my only chance for a long time.
>Just relax. It's okay. It's just a date.
>It's just a date.
I've never gone on a date before and it's a bit nerve-wracking.
I think I've decided that if the question of sex at all comes up during the date, I may come out. If it doesn't, assuming there's a second date I'll try my best to come out then.
Date's in two hours, hopefully this goes well.
Thanks, guys
>>6245000
As long as you don't send 500 emails, you'll be fine.
>>6245000
how did it go anon?
>>6250032
did you mention the asexual stuff?
i tend to not do it early on, partly because i imagine they will be forced to deal with the thought "ok how do i treat a person who's asexual" which might trip them up, but also because i know that i myself get tripped up on "how do i act as a person who's asexual".
>>6250362
I had a perfect, absolutely perfect opportunity to tell them and I messed up and didn't, so oops.
>>6250480
Make sure you tell them soon, anon. In my opinion, it's best to be honest about something this serious early on.
>>6250362
>i know that i myself get tripped up on "how do i act as a person who's asexual".
Literally however you want. The labels we use to describe ourselves should be descriptive, not prescriptive. A lot of /lgbt/ gets tripped up on this, because they're overly attached to some identifying label that does not accurately describe their behavior.
>>6250570
yeah i know, tried to phase it as a mind trap. your post is exactly what i need to remind myself when i start defining my person by my label.
>>6250524
Yeah, to be honest, you don't want to get their hopes up.
>mfw parents didn't want me to be whoring around and popping out babbies like a broken vending machine
>mfw they prayed too hard
>mfw they start talking about marriage
>mfw they start talking about grandkids
>>6255030
Thanks, nice meme.
>>6250524
>>6254955
I know that. I'm going to try to come out sometime soon. I don't really know how to do it. Plus I'm fearful that coming out to them could also be taken as me going "you need to stop being so obvious about your incredible desire to fuck my brains out" and I really don't want to offend her or anything
>>6176680
What is a soul and what purpose does it serve?
>>6243311
What if you have a genuine hormonal imbalance? Or can we both agree you're 14 and still find girls icky?
>>6189441
This Ace does. Its become a habit of something to do before I sleep.
The thing is that when I finally do climax, it isn't as good as the feeling I get from music or good food.
The thing is that I can't make sexual fantasies, meaning that I need porn to do it. I'll try, but then the scenario moves away from the groiny stuff
>>6196796
I think that Pacific Rim did it well with Mako and the other pilot of Whiskey Danger. They don't kiss, they don't fuck but they do something more intimate than that, they share minds in the Drift. Even at the end, when you'd expect them to be going at it all licky-style, they just bump foreheads and smile.
>>6196796
Sometimes it works for me. Mostly when it provides conflict by distracting the characters and tempting them to make bad decisions.
>>6196796
>"Hey, these people are both attractive and around the same age. They should fuck."
Is that not more-or-less how sexuals actually think? It's seldom more than "Hey, that person is attractive. We should fuck."
>>6263003
every time i look at this thread its full of the weirdest assumptions about allosexuals
>>6255030
>tfw would love to marry and would be willing to have sex with the waifu if she wanted to
>tfw also homoromantic and waifus are even harder to find that way
Why live
>>6263116
if you can, please explain what sexual attraction is and how it works and everything
>>6263116
Am I wrong? When you're attracted to someone, that attraction is an end in itself. You don't need another reason to pursue someone other than attraction. There can be any number of practical reasons why you don't actually act on that attraction, but if those mitigating factors don't happen to apply, then you just go for it.
>>6263116
But, like, couldn't it work similar with asexuals and sensual attraction as well? "That person is qt, I want to cuddle them". Of course actually knowing a person and realizing they have the personality to go along with it can make them qter/more attractive, but it can also just be based on a physical level.
>>6263116
It's honestly hard for me to wrap my head around sexuals. It just isn't something I can relate with.
>TFW even grandparents, 70 and 75, still get it on
Man, there goes my hope of a stable relationship ever happening, even when I'm ancient. Dammit, I just want love and cuddles. ;_;
>>6262556
If I do then ok but as far as I can tell from my blood work, I don't.
Either way, they shouldn't be trying to force someone into sex if they're not interested. That's like a girl trying to sex it up with gay guy and she's just constantly trying to shove her tits in his face.
>>6263116
Dude, we literally have no idea what we're talking about when we talk about sexual attraction. Blind people describing color would be a better effort than us describing sexual attraction.
>>6171354
>asexual attention
I've seen this crop up a lot in sexually active couples in different ways too, so don't think I don't understand there aren't those among you who are super anal about it. but for asexuals, would you ever get into a relationship where you had to have regular sex? there are lots of times where people generally do something they'd rather not do for their SO, something that matters to them that doesn't matter to you much. Is sexual activity included in that ball game of "well, maybe" or is a blanket statment of "Asexuals just don't have sex" pretty accurate?
t. one of those fucking BDSM fags
>>6271006
>but for asexuals, would you ever get into a relationship where you had to have regular sex?
Some people would. Also some aces feel pressured into having sex in order to keep the relationship which really does destroy bonds between two people.
> Is sexual activity included in that ball game of "well, maybe" or is a blanket statment of "Asexuals just don't have sex" pretty accurate?
It's better to say "Some aces are willing to do it, some aren't". Like people with anal.
>>6271006
I'm super repulsed by sex, I'd have to really, truly love them. And have a lot of viagra. I can force myself to finger someone if I have headphones in and can't hear the gross squishing.
I was abused, so it may not count, but I think ace people pretty much won't have sex. Especially if it's a guy, it's really damn hard to get it up and impossible to keep it there.
>>6271036
>the gross squishing
Oh god why did you have to remind me. It sounds like someone is stirring a pot of macaroni and they're getting off to it.
>>6271059
>The smell
I don't care how clean your GF is or how nice the rest of her smells, that's the most repugnant odor I've ever had to endure
>you will never be in a relationship where you don't have to worry about the possibility of sex
I really just want to be able to be close to someone or even kiss someone just to show how much I trust and care for them and not have to have that nagging fear that sex will be down the line if I do such a thing.
>>6272654
I want to be able to speak without fear that what I say will be misinterpreted as me trying to get all sexed up
That's only made worse by the fact that I'm male as it's thought that that's all that's on my mind
Fuck this shit, anon. Fuck all of it. Figuratively, of course.
>>6272654
I feel the exact same. :c
>>6271087
there's actually a patch for that.
not sure if it works but basically you eat or drink it and it changes the way your sexual odor smells into something fruity and pleasant.
anyway thanks you all for answering. it was very curious for me since while I have no problem performing sexual favors or being squicked by it, the idea of someone causing me physical pleasure other than myself (I masturbate) sends me into a kind of intense panic, to the point that it would pretty much have to be non conceptual to continue. Even with that aversion, I still wouldn't have a problem being used without that component or helping someone else get off at all, so I wanted to see how your experiances compared. it seems like comparing fear to absolute nausea and disgust.
>>6272654
for us D/s fags, thats kind of a desirable idea (want X without eventually being Y) but normally you accept that it's just going to happen since its' part of the kind of relationship we sign up for.
>>6171354
>What does an ideal relationship look like to you? What do you want to and not want to do?
Impossible for me to be in a relationship. All forms of intimacy creep me out. I do feel sexual attraction towards women and I masturbate thinking about women, but when it comes to sexual acts, all of them are boring and repetitive to me. I simply don't enjoy sex. And I don't enjoy intimacy. I couldn't see myself living with a man or a woman. I like being alone.
Does that make me asexual or straight?
>>6274719
If you are sexually attracted to women and male then you are straight. The rest is intimacy issues and maybe too much fapping/vanilla sex with a low drive. You sound like an aromantic heterosexual.
>>6274761
I wish it was that simple but I don't enjoy kissing or sex. Vaginal lubrication doesn't provide the friction I need to get off, anal sex is disgusting, vaginas are disgusting too so giving oral is out of the question, getting my dick sucked also weirds me out.
All the times I had sex I had to fake orgasm because I was slowly losing my boner due to boredom. I don't plan on having sex again it's just a waste of time.
Yet I still feel reluctant to claim the asexual label because I masturbate normally.
>>6274782
I wank about once a night. It helps me sleep and has become something of a habit.
The thing is that I can't build fantasies to wank to. The last time I tried, it never got to the sexy part. I just end up jackin' it to Fap Hero vids to make it interesting. I get better orgasms from music, food and vidya than I do from cocking the pearl jam shotgun.
Just because you self-inventory for maximum efficiency does not change the fact that you identify as ace
>>6272654
I'm confused. Are you afraid that someone will rape you? Because that's the only way that sex just happens without your approval. If your partner is any kind of decent human being, they'll know that they're not entitled to sex with you, and they'll take whatever you give them or kindly fuck off.
>>6275871
No, I'm talking about the pressure to have sex. I want to be able to be in a relationship with someone and not have that dreaded talk of "their needs for sex" or just to rest my head on someone and not have them think I want to fuck them. I want to be close with a person and not have them try to go further. I want to go on a date with someone simply because I want to be with them more often and not have to deal with the "my place or yours" chat.
>>6274646
That's a really weird thing because most D/s relationships I know of are based upon communication. So if someone has a hard limit of sex, it shouldn't be done unless there has been some talking. Also, there are D/s relationships that do not contain sex.
>>6276507
If you are asexual and want a platonic relationship, you're better off finding another asexual. Nobody is gonna put up with your shit otherwise.
>>6276507
Then press back. Why should you be the one who has to compromise? When two people want different amounts of sex with each other, the one who wants less sex is the one who should get their way. You're not bad for wanting too little; they're bad for wanting too much. If you like someone who wants too much from you, you may be able to train them to stop asking for too much in the same way that society is trying to train you to be agreeable and not assert yourself.
Hey, and if that someone is into d/s, you could even train them with the aid of a shock collar.
>>6271006
i enjoy sex, i just don't see it as something that's more desirable than watching a movie or something.
i'm super fine with having sex and sometimes pretty good at it.
>>6277685
There's a lot of fuzzy area in between desire and the lack of it, of course, but if you think of sex with that kind of indifference, on the same level as bowling or some other game that you'll play when the occasion demands, you're probably ace.
I fancy that I'm pretty good at sex myself because for me it's like acting. Most people are being completely authentic and genuine when they have sex, which increases the chance that they'll mess up and limits their ability to perform well, but I can do whatever I think will get the best reaction from people. The only obstacle I have to deal with is getting bored. I've found it helps to have music on. Usually my partner just thinks I'm being considerate and setting the mood.
lgbt is specifically people who are materially oppressed due to their gender or what gender(s) they are attracted to, not how that attraction is felt.
ace ppl (especially those who are cishet) are not oppressed on these grounds bc they are marginalized based on how that attraction is felt, and so have different needs for a community. they are also marginalized socially, and never materially, so they have their own specific needs from a community of peers.
the idea of one singular community for all people who are marginalized for any aspect of their identity is unrealistic and presents a huge number of problems (not to mention even the traditional lgbt community isn’t like this either; there are different spaces for people with different needs).
you simply don't belong, and this gross invasion of the space not only fails to serve you in any meaningful way, it misses the entire point of the community.
>>6277860
asexuals are oppressed within the LGBT community it appears.
>>6276507
I feel similar way. I want a relationship where I can just be and hang out and spend time with the person, not worry about "the next step" and shit which is sex and other physical things.
>>6276629
There are sexual peeps out there who can put up with little or no sex, I guess they care more about the person than getting sex, and that's what I want.
>>6276821
Thanks for this post. It seems to normies like sex is something people NEED... it makes no sense. Before you have it for the first time, you had none of it. There' people who are really old and still virgins, no one needs sex, so putting up with little or no sex should be no problem.
>>6277860
i've gotten death threats at a bar for not being straight. it didn't matter to the person threatening me in what way i deviated from the norm, the fact that i did made him feel the need to describe my grave.
idk who you are to say who can be a part of the lgbt community and who can not, but i feel pretty fucking blessed to see other people type things that i can relate to, and feel that maybe i'm not an awful person who doesn't try enough.
>>6278105
>It seems to normies like sex is something people NEED...
yeah fuck this. how is this the cherry on top of a relationship. how is losing your virginity a life changing experience.
>>6279043
You are entirely full of shit, but even if you weren't, that just justifies ace solidarity even more. Not trying to squirm your way into LGBT spaces and groups and politics. What you need is not provided here.
>>6278087
>I'm not oppressed enough to be in the gender club, bloo bloo bloo
Sincerely just fuck off.
>>6279285
i'm sorry i don't pass your "you must be this oppressed to post on /lgbt/" check and i'm sorry i didn't ask the guy who said he wanted to knife me for evidence in case some person on 4chan wouldn't believe me when i told our story to them.
i think you're being really rude here and i don't see what your point is. report the thread if you think it doesn't belong, or hire a gorespammer or something.
>>6276629
I know you're trying to give helpful advice but I already know this and have realized I'll probably die alone since my needs and wants critically diminish the chance of someone being compatible with me.
>>6276821
I'm not going to push back because I'd rather not. That's why I turn down everyone from the start because I'd just rather not even deal with the drama. If I had to push back, I would but that's if I even get into a relationship like that.
Why should I stick my hand in a jar of scorpions if I don't have to? How about I just not stick my hand in there
>>6279285
>asexual person says they like someone their gender and is threatened
>apparently you need to have sex in order to be in a lgbt space
k
“I’m attracted to people less often than everyone else is!”
Scale of how often attraction happens, according to you:
. (asexual) . (grayasexual) . (literally everyone else)
How it actually happens:
. (asexual) ……………………………………………………………………..(individual people’s frequencies of attraction that are not asexual)
Literally everyone has a different frequency of attraction. “But I don’t get attracted as often as Brenda Sue!” chill, your frequency of attraction is not a source of oppression. Unless you’re not attracted at all, because that means you can’t be attracted to the opposite binary gender (if you’re binary), so…then you would experience oppression.
>>6279324
There's no A in /lgbt/ chucklefuck.
>>6279354
Being gay, bi, and les isn't about having sex. It's being attracted to the same sex. Sex the adjective, not sex the verb, you utter retard. You can be completely chaste and you're still bisexual or homosexual. But considering you've mistaken "given up on life" for "a trendy new sexual minority" maybe I'm just expecting too much out of you.
>>6279725
>Being gay, bi, and les isn't about having sex. It's being attracted to the same sex. Sex the adjective, not sex the verb, you utter retard. You can be completely chaste and you're still bisexual or homosexual
I literally just said that so why are we arguing? What is the point you're trying to prove? None of us in this general are saying we're oppressed for being asexual.
There are people that are attracted to the same gender or both gender but do not want sex and everyone here agrees that those are the people oppressed so who are arguing with?
We're all in agreement here.
>>6280121
>I don't want sex in a relationship
>not asexual
Please continue bumping this thread with your talk.
Here's a starter: instead of scrolling up and reading the OP, define asexuality on your own terms.
Dante Must Die Edition: don't use asexual reproduction as a definition
Also, I already know this going to end as a debate of personal definitions so I'm going to just step out of this and let you tire yourself out.
>>6280142
There is no personal definition dumbass.
Asexual is someone who doesn't want to have sex. Ever. You clearly do want to have sex some day, so you're not ace.
>>6280181
Please tell me how I'm clearly showing I want to have sex some day.
>>6280188
Because I suggested to both of you, that if you want a "sexless relationship" whatever the fuck that means, you're better off "dating" another asexual. And you both disregarded my advice, you're okay with sex just not too much or on your own terms etc.
>>6280217
>I know you're trying to give helpful advice but I already know this and have realized I'll probably die alone since my needs and wants critically diminish the chance of someone being compatible with me.
>I know you're trying to give helpful advice but I already know this
>but I already know this
>I already know this
>disregarded your advice
I'm sorry, I didn't know I needed to pat you on the ass for being a good boy when you say stuff I already knew.
>>6280225
If you already know this then why so gloomy?
I also don't understand why you would want a "relationship", when a relationship without sex is practically a friendship and you can have plenty of those.
>>6280240
I'm not gloomy, I'm just being realistic. Some people have theorized that 1% of the population is asexual. Taking that into account, I am basically cutting a smaller and smaller percentage as I go further in specifics of age, gender, values, morals, etc.
So I probably have like... one person in my area? And that's if we somehow meet and manage to work out due to compatibility.
Also, I find it a bit weird that you call relationship without sex a "relationship". Sexless relationships happen between friends, relatives, and animals (if you're not in the boondocks).
And I personally don't believe that a sex less relationship with a partner is just a friendship. I think of it as more of a very close bond as any other relationship with sex. I guess the only way to explain it is the idea having a very best friend? That's essentially what a girl/boyfriend/partner is.
I always found it a bit strange that people have this idea that two people must be fucking in order to have a true relationship.
If someone was in a relationship with a person that had a disability where they couldn't have sex would that mean that they're basically just friends? Even if they get married or even adopt a child?
tl;dr I'm being realistic and I think a sexless relationship is same emotionally as a relationship with sex.
>>6280181
>Asexual is someone who doesn't want to have sex. Ever.
what sucks is dumblrettes, etc. who change the definition so they can take the label (and be special snowflakes) to mean "i can have sex, and even enjoy it!, but i'm just not sexually attracted to this person i'm fucking" = then why have sex if you don't enjoy it?? that bullshit makes as much sense as a gay guy having sex with a woman--he's not "attracted" to her--but he's totes still gay.
(and i'm saying this as a jaded/cynical non-sexual--yeah, fuck the term 'Asexual' if anyone can take + to 'mean' what they want, so it doesn't have it's proper meaning anymore, i'd rather refer to myself as non-sexual, aka someone who wouldn't ever want sex. christ...)
>>6280313
>i can have sex, and even enjoy it!, but i'm just not sexually attracted to this person i'm fucking" = then why have sex if you don't enjoy it??
Yeah, I don't really understand that either. So if they're having sex does that mean they're just using the person as an object because there is no sexual attraction?
>>6280294
Like you said it's like a BFFs type of deal.
>disabled partner
In most of those cases there was sex before the injury so it still counts as a sexual relationship.
>>6280321
Most likely using them as a complex masturbatory aid.
>>6280217
I'm not going to date someone because they are asexual, I am going to date someone for being the person that they are, regardless if they like to have sex or not. Sex should not matter, and if it does, they're a bad person.
>>6171354
24 year old virgin here kinda resigning to a Life of celibacy not for religious purposes or anything I just don't think I'm going to be able to score so why bother trying anymore
>>6281162
Okay... That's kinda not what we're about here.
>>6281251
I know there's a difference and that my post is completely unneeded but I'm really bored and been hitting the 4chan home page to get to random threads
>>6279706
truuuuu
I guess I am kind of seeing it as a black or white issue, as in you're either asexual or allosexual, but if you only rarely experience sexual attraction, you're still definitely allosexual. I suppose it doesn't hurt to identify as demisexual or whatever, but you can't say that you fall under the ace umbrella when you actually wanna fuck someone.
Demisexuals do experience some degree of oppression with aces, but once they find someone they are attracted to, all their issues suddenly no longer matter. Being demisexual is a temporary obstacle to overcome when looking for a partner, and after you do find someone, you're basically a normie cishet (unless you're also homo or trans, in which case why do you need another oppression label)
>>6281162
Fellow 24 year old virgin here. Never had intercourse, but I ate pussy a few times so I know I'm not completely repulsive to women.
I'm still really optimistic about the future though. If I don't get laid by the time I'm getting close to 26 I'll probably just go to a prostitute.
>>6281105
how is someone a bad person for wanting sex? most people need it
>>6171354 (OP)
that's right, we don't
>>6281815
>>6279706
>oppression
every time that word gets brought up, it ends up becoming a "who has it worse" competition
>>6281815
>but if you only rarely experience sexual attraction, you're still definitely allosexual.
>you can't say that you fall under the ace umbrella when you actually wanna fuck someone.
This, 100%. Hence why i hate all these made-up terms (demi/gray-a?) and feel like people are just *trying* to have special labels; further convoluting everything--and, really, taking the 'asexual' label away from actual non-attracted people...
>>6280321
>if they're having sex does that mean they're just using the person as an object because there is no sexual attraction?
I've read about people claiming to be ace, saying that they still stay with their allosexual partner and just 'pleasure them' even tho they're not into sex/or even repulsed by it and that just...seems like compulsory sexuality or something--like they feel obligated, but it comes off as really rapey to me? Can't really explain it. It just makes no sense to me why someone would purposely put themselves in a position where they're uncomfortable and even grossed out, but feel obligated--like peer pressure. What about their discomfort? Their feelings should matter too.
Hey all. Over the past month, I've completely lost interest in sex. I have no sexual desire, no sexual attraction. I try to masturbate and can't get off. I can't get into sex with my partner and make them stop.
It's as if a switch has been flicked and I'm now stuck like this. Truthfully, I'm scared. I don't know why this is happening. I've been sexually active for about five years, very regularly and very happily. Now, nothing.
Any advice? Any suggestions?
>>6220797
Nice part about being a guy when that happens is playing dumb makes it easy to deal with given how indirect women are and how easily they give up. Unless your unlucky enough to be encountering a huntress or worse you being her objective.
Not fun.
Luckily though they are the exception not the rule.
For me though I feel that way with the type of women(I attract scary chicks) I attract which gives me nightmares even now. Probably going to get me killed one of these days especially with my natural disinterest. Those like me tend not to live very long given the type of women we attract.
God save me should another one like my ex show up.
>>6284139
please tell about your ex anon.
i just had a night out where a girl tried to hit on me, then got pretty handsy with me, and instead of just telling her that i'm not interested (because i still don't know if she was interested or not, though signs point to yes), i was accidentally a dick when trying to subtly convey my lack of interest in physical shit, and then she told her friends i was a dick and now they hate me for being a dick. maybe i'm over exaggerating that part but i'm kind of drunk.
so if you have a story please tell.
>>6234988
I used to be like that until i got passed that stage. Now I consider it a blessing given my inability to maintain long term relationships.
It wasn't going to work anyhow anyway but now at least I wont be nearly as bothered by it then if say I was straight. The loneliness in other words would of been much worse.
>>6271006
My dick is strange in its ability to perform is neither connected to my libido or what I am attracted to(see nothing). Which led to the odd quirk of it helping me to have absurd sexual endurance and it not ever bothering me one bit. Asexuality turned out to be a good mix with some other stuff creating such a cocktail make a strange dick possible. Shame i don't actually have the desire to use it.
sex or no sex it doesn't matter to me one iota.
Oddly enough though its easy for me to lose a boner but otherwise my dick is a goddamn juggernaut.
>>6271036
>>6271059
>>6271087
It helps not to think about it by using the blank mind meditation technique. I had to figure out so many goddamn tricks when i still in denial about it. All the good its done me is I was so good at faking it I had the rep of a straight player who was great in the sack and acquired a juggernaut dick.
oh the fucking irony of me being asexual. Admittedly I was in super deep denial about it but still. Even more ironic is the fact I was an asexual actually worked for me instead of against me.
>>6274642
I only ever encountered one fruity but tart vagina and to this day I cannot for the life of me figure out how she did it.
>>6281162
Learn philosophy or religious studies become either honorary monk or legit one. Those guys have my respect.
>>6284324
>It helps not to think about it by using the blank mind meditation technique. I had to figure out so many goddamn tricks when i still in denial about it. All the good its done me is I was so good at faking it I had the rep of a straight player who was great in the sack and acquired a juggernaut dick.
Ooor... How about I just not have sex?
>>6282082
Explain how most people need it. No one NEEDS sex, you're not going to die without it.
>>6283763
>I've read about people claiming to be ace, saying that they still stay with their allosexual partner and just 'pleasure them' even tho they're not into sex/or even repulsed by it and that just ... (Ellipses used to really shorten this)
Multiple things. First, for some it can just seem like a necessary chore, like doing the dishes; if you want to eat with clean dishes, you've got to put in the time and clean them. Second, some enjoy pleasuring their partners. I masturbated someone a fair number of times before because I really liked making them happy, even though I was a bit uncomfortable doing it (I decided to put myself through a bit of a process of getting more comfortable with that stuff, and it somewhat worked). Third, if they aren't repulsed by it and they're not against it, and of course assuming they're actually voluntarily participating, it isn't rapey at all. It's just like any other activity.
>>6284041
Go to a doctor ASAP. That isn't right whatsoever.
>>6284041
That's... weird. It's a very drastic and sudden change. You should go to see a doctor.
>>6286694
>like a necessary chore, like doing the dishes; if you want to eat with clean dishes, you've got to put in the time and clean them
...I guess i'll agree to disagree, because i can't really compare doing dishes to half-way having sex with someone, esp since it's just for them--i'd be *really* uncomfortable (disgusted) by the idea. But perhaps that's just me...?
I mean, it seems like, let's say there's a couple--both are 'allosexual'--and one is talking their partner into doing something sexually, like a kink or w/e (idk), that they're not into, but they don't want to lose their partner, so feel like they should do it "for them", again, idgi...
>>6289968
Sounds like a breakup waiting to happen...
You get kicked off of Tumblr, of all fucking places, so you come here to shill your oppression olympics garbage instead? Legitimately take a knife to your own wrists, you retarded messes. Each of you should have been aborted.
>>6286085
Except you do. Your sexual organs can spread disorder to the rest of your body, stress diseases can put you in an early grave, and a total lack of companionship is a great way to become a fucking lunatic. We're social animals, you dumb cunt. Socialization is a NEED, not a want, as in there are biological problems when it is not fulfilled. Sex is part of socialization.
>>6291788
Not that anon, but please give me a situation where a virgin has died from lack of sex.
a s e x u a l i t y
i s
n o t
r e a l
>>6291785
Wow the projection.
I, for one, fucking hate tumblr. I never made an account there. I have never at all liked its community. I really have no idea why you'd think this off us. I don't think anybody leaves tumblr for 4chan. They'd probably go to Reddit or something.
>>6289968
Yeah what the other anon said, that doesn't sound too healthy.
I'd think that typically if one partner participates in another's kink, even if they don't share it, they're doing it because they want to do it for their partner, not because they are afraid of losing their partner. This is kinda what I meant to be saying earlier: an asexual partner doing sexual things with with their non-asexual partner is because they enjoy their partner and recognize that this is something that they want and they're okay with that. You don't have to eat with clean dishes, clean utensils, you don't have to wear clean clothing, you just decide to because you'd prefer. The sexual partner doesn't have to have sex, they'd survive just fine without it (granted, of course there could be psychological factors but let's ignore those because some stuff can also be worked out there), but the asexual partner may choose to do sexual things with them regardless because they recognize the importance of it for their partner.
If they're doing it for the *sole purpose* of keeping their partner, the two need to break up.
Also I recognize that I didn't really get this point across that well before and had some poor word choice. Apologies.
>>6292764
Alright whatever you want to believe, pal. I see no reason to attempt to convince you. Thanks for the bump, though. Just remember, there are multiple cases where it's been folk like you that've kept this thread alive, sometimes even narrowly saving it from death.
Thank you, trollanon. Your courage is admirable. I don't know how I could ever repay you.
>>6292764
At least give us some info, mate.
