hi /lgbt/
i will try to keep this TLDR so if you have any questions please ask.
my 39 year old boyfriend of 3+ years just told me he wants to do drag and what i think of that, but didn't tell me the capacity in which he wants to do it (i.e., full-time job, part-time "hobby").
either way, i hate the idea. it is a literal nightmare and i feel like it is a major dealbreaker for me, even though i love him to bits and we are in a serious monogamous relationship.
i can answer more questions in the comments in a bit. i'm going out now so here is a summary:
>it affects my attraction to him. i like men. big, burly hairy beary daddy men. not queens who do drag and have a "boy" name.
>i'm attracted to masculinity - hyper-femininity is a huge turn-off
>he is beary (which he has never flaunted) and i imagine he will want to shave, etc
>potential gender issues
>lifestyle that goes with it: the clubs, friends, company. i am not interested in being a part of that.
i should note that i do NOT hate drag. it may sound like i do but honestly i don't. i can enjoy it for the entertainment factor but at the end of the day i know that i don't want to be in a relationship someone that does it. i'm not that guy. i'm an introverted guy that has extremely little affiliation with any sort of gay culture at all and just doesn't relate to any of it.
he keeps going on about it being about the "performance" and creating a "persona" (he was a singer for 11 years), but all i hear is "i want to wear wigs and dresses and heels and prance around". i hope that doesn't make me sound -phobic but as above that would be a turn-off.
what do you think? what would you feel like in my position?
i would appreciate fleshing this out with anyone so i can articulate myself well when we talk more about it.
oh
bump
should I take this thread somewhere else or is it just shit?
I don't think you're necessarily being any type of -phobic, OP. I think you should ask him some more questions of exactly what this will entail, though. He's not necessarily going full time or anything. You might still be able to have that big, hairy, beary masculine man that you've fallen in love with, with his drag side only being this rare occasional thing on the weekend. Does that make it any better? I dunno, it might not. Still, talk to him about it.
>>6134742
You should probably tell him everything in your post OP.
I personally think you are this bothered because of something in you. I'm not gonna go and tell you that you are projecting your own desires on him because nothing says that that's necesarily the case. But jumping from "I want to try this for non-sexual reassons" to "I want to live like this from now on" is pretty big.
>>6135320
>Does that make it any better?
unfortunately not at all. the thing is he has never been necessary masculine, but i am very attracted to other parts of him as well as physically. he was bordering on too campy/feminine from the beginning - i've just kind of gotten used to it and tried to not focus on it too much. now the whole drag thing has just pushed the limits there and i'm freaking the fuck out.
>>6135339
will do.
>>6135347
>I personally think you are this bothered because of something in you.
definitely. i've always felt alienated from gayness. i've literally met one maybe two other gay dudes that didn't care about handbag stuff.
i work in IT and play in hardcore bands. i have nothing in common with any gay dude i meet, ever. it is sorta annoying.
>But jumping from "I want to try this for non-sexual reassons" to "I want to live like this from now on" is pretty big.
you're referring to the gender issues? yeah, that was pretty dramatic of me to say. but part of me does believe there is some gender dysmorphia that accompanies drag.
---------
does it make me a fucking jerk if this is the reason i leave him? thinking about it, it seems such a petty reason, and i wonder if anyone else here would make that same decision.
i do love him but i believe we are a forced mismatch sometimes. we do have some common interests (vidya for example) but at the core we couldn't be more different.
>>6136439
>vidya
what? that's like saying you share the hobby of watching youtube videos, everyone plays vidya.
If that's one of the first things that come to mind when you want to explain why you like him I'd say you don't like him too much.
You know the answer to your problem, talk with him. Calmly explain your feelings and try to understand the things he says to you.
>>6136439
Sounds you like wanna date a masc guy, if the Rupaul's Drag Race thing is incompatible with that then that's just your preference
>>6136500
fair enough. it's just something we do together, it's not the reason why i love him. i feel love for him when it's just him and i together connecting. the other side of him - the acting and performing/entertaining and camping it up - i have nothing in common with that side of him.
>>6136522
i really, really do. i'm a fucking grin-and-bare-it person and always have been.
it's completely incompatible. i'm struggling with the idea of throwing away a 3+ year relationship because of it.
