I should have tried harder in sports.
>>6059979
"REGRET SERVES NO PURPOSE!"
I shouldn't have jacked it to dick girls for 20 years.
Some how I managed to come out on top...
Still regret it ; )
I wish I could say "Hey douchebag, maybe think why you felt so funny when they made Bender put on the tutu, instead of leaving it for me to deal with in 12 years..."
I wish I would have come out when my mom basically busted me.
I wish I'd spent more time learning how to girl in high school, instead of stuffing it all down and being self-destructive. Cute boy mode never even occurred to me at the time.
>>6060123
>instead of stuffing it all down and being self-destructive
Hello me. Cigarettes, they cure dysphoria, don't worry I am a scientist from the hollands
>>6060098
This episode. Fuck me. If only I'd had my shit together enough to work it out.
>>6060087
why was that a bad thing?
>>6060191
I should have become more feminine..the toxic masculinity..id rather not talk about it
>>6059968
I wish I accepted myself when my first dysphoric thoughts hitted on me when I was 19-20
Instead of that I thought "that's not for me, I'm not trans, it's just a funny idea to be a girl, but nothing more" and settled for masculinity for 10 more years, despite having dysphoric thoughts almost everyday.
What an idiot.
That an letting my OCD influence my life-
And smoking too much dope, that was a shitty choice too. Too much wasted time doing nothing but staying baked while playing shitty strategy games.
Sigh...
>>6060197
kacking to dickgirls and toxic masculinity? please explain a bit more, I feel somehow identified, I jacked off to dickgirls for years while being in denial.
Put some light on that, I think it's something that will allow me to discover a part of me that I should know about but that I can't realize
>>6060098
>>6060182
What episode was that? I've only seen two trans related episodes of Futurama. One was where they went to another planet and got changed to the other sex by some genderless alien who later got killed, so it seems they were stuck that way, but then most of them were reversed back to normal. The other was where Bender changed his sex to cheat at the Olympics. Then he found himself falling for a male robotas he had to continue living as female to seem legitimate. Later the robot proposed to him. He decided things went too far, so he changed back.
>>6060202
Nothing can be explained anon.
Very few people alive or dead have any idea what I've gone through, consider crossing that gay bridge a blessing. You are braver and wiser than me
>>6059968
>having regrets
They're useless, the past is the past
worry about the future
>>6060214
You're right. But I have no future, and so I regret the past that led to this.
>>6060207
The Olympics.
>>6060212
so you basically fapped to trannys and stayed convinced that you were hetero? Was that so?
Because I'm slowly realizing... maybe tranny porn acts as a safety net to keep men into heterosexuality and not slipping into homosexuality???
>>6060123
This. Dear god, this.
Thank god cute boy mode occurred to me, though.
I used to go to a board for trannies when I was like 12 posted a couple times. Me being a retarded 12 year old used my gamertag as my username so I wouldn't forget it. My friends google my gamertag to see what come up and boom. Outed. Was so frightened that I went into hardcore repression mode for a decade. Deleted all my posts closed my account and changed my gamertag.
>>6060243
lets just say even the most insignificant and little information can keep us from sinning..surprisingly.
I've been gay longer than you..I know a thing or two about swords. And their purposes
I sound strange..but like I said I'm quite unique
>>6059968
i regret can't stop being a wuss to pain and actually cut my bottom package off, the sheers were already touching my skin a dozen times ever since i was like 9.
i regret being violent and hurt others. it didn't solve anything at all and actually hurt myself inside as well.
i regret being found after an episode of running away from family when i was like 10. i was and still am the outcast.
i regret being born into this world, for i am a burden and a disgrace.
>>6060270
repression is the worst that can happen to an mtf, since every day that goes by is a day that you get more masculine.
And since repression is just REPRESSING something that was inside of you, that paret of you some day will finally break out. And by then, it may be too late (not talking about the lost years of joy that you could have had)
>>6060331
Yup, it sucked hardcore. I ended up joining the army because of it.
>>6059968
I should have honed my social skills and interacted since elementary school instead of playing magic the gathering under the stairs at school with a couple of retards
Instead of switching to homeschooling from middle school onward and never going out making friends
Now I'm stuck with my spergy self forever
And a very large comic book\videogame collection
>>6060212
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z3Vw2_mAxzk
>>6060331
Exactly why I made this thread... I think **regret** is the strongest emotion people feel with trans... and I think its a pointless emotion unless you learn from it, which you can but denial gets in the way.
>>6060390
How did you feel watching it?
>>6060711
Confused and my heart was beating fast and I felt a weird sickness in my stomach; but I was intensely focused and captivated, and it's still burnt into my memory very clearly.
And despite being like 8 or 9 years old, I had a raging erection...
(I should clarify, I don't know if I'm trans, I'm still only questioning, but I have been a rampant agp and forced fem fetishist throughout my entire adolescence, so it sort've fits in to that eternal chicken-and-egg of "do i get off on this because I'm trans and too afraid to express it in anyway where it's my responsibility" or "do I think i'm trans because I hate myself and get off on this")
>>6060731
I could swear I felt the same way during a tranny memory of mine, but I don't remember what it was.
Should have worked out more and gotten in shape
>no one likes fat gay Italian guys
I should have womanned up and accepted I was trans when I was younger. I've known for so long and lived in one of the most trans-inclusive countries but I cucked out because of my religious parents.
They know now, and asked why I never told them I didn't feel right in my skin, but then I hear them misgendering me in the background or bringing up something random gay news event like a suicide and I feel justified in hiding this from them. I don't think I can trust them, with how homophobic and racist my childhood was, but this hurts and they don't get it.
why is this stupid shame for not being born normal still feel crushing now that I'm away from them
>>6060198
Probably would have been a hon anyway
>>6059968
Should have taken T blockers and estrogen when I was 10.
Nevermind, 5 just to be sure.
>>6059968
I regret not shearing my balls off at the age of 12 to force transition and get maximum awesome settings.
>never expressed my desire to be a girl to anyone
Should have told my parents sooner about how I felt, maybe I wouldn't have gone through so many years of shit and having to rebuild a relationship with them if I had.
I should have just told my mom that I wanted to play hockey and not just bend to figure skating, I'll never be able to look back at that and be proud because i hated doing it.
I should have kept up with competitive sports in general, and gotten through depression through that instead of dropping all of it.
I should have stood up for myself more instead of internalizing it, maybe I'd be less bitter about people if I had.
>>6060958
Whats wrong with the racism?are you not the same race as your parents lol?
I should have shot up my high school. I planned it for years, I wrote the manifesto and everything, I just didn't do it because I believed that life would get better. Years later and life is boring and meaningless. I could have been up there with Eric and Dylan but now I'm just a nobody.
I should had come out when I had the chance in 5th grade
>>6061877
Adam Lanza had left elementary school behind years before he went and shot one up (supposedly), why can't you go shoot up a high school just because some years have passed since you last attended?
I knew I was trans since I was twelve, but didn't act till I was 17. Five years of my life wasted t b h.
Wish I could have been more feminine in my childhood, despite my homophobic/transphobic stepfather who would hit me at the slightest twirl, or limp wrist, or when I tried to wear my moms high-heels at the age of 6, It got beaten out of me, so now I'm 20 6'3 probably passable except for my nose, voice, and height... Maybe one day...
>>6062665
I knew from the get go pretty much, but deluded myself into thinking I must've been intersex or something and didn't need hormones since I was already very feminine.
Then physical masculinity started to crop up in my mind teens and that's when I acted. I always regret not starting before I saw masculine changes. I could've been living the deepest stealth right now.
I wish that at age 14 I'd realized I was bi before making an offensive gay joke and ostracizing my only two friends (both gay and I had no idea).
guy asked me if im gay in 10th grade and i said no
hes straight though so im only somewhat sad because i didnt get any rumor to start about me being gay
im lonely i want friends, it was my chance
>>6060098
>TFW IKTF
>>6059968
I regret not coming out sooner because I didn't want to upset my parents (which has been the reason almost every single time I nearly came out).
I regret being so nihilistic when I was younger.
I regret choosing to live in an isolated way and not having friends or joining extracurricular activities.
I regret my parents not aborting me, surviving my respiratory infection, and not getting hit by that car.
I regret becoming technophobic during childhood.
I regret trying to think I'm normal and not trans, even when I had so many hints and reminders.
I regret being scared of every little thing.
I regret being lukewarm as I thought about transition when I was younger (meaning it was something I was always planning to do in the back of my mind, but that I didn't pursue seriously for a very long time).
I only mildly regret not confessing my gender issues to the psychologist I was taken to in 12th grade.
ok ok ok mines pretty bad.
>had a step mother who worked with LGBT kids for a living helping them, support groups, etc
>living in canada trans health care is amazing
>had a chance to come out at 12 and be the perfect cis normative tranny ever
>was THIS close to telling her one night, she knew i had something big to say
>pussied out
>didn't come out / start HRT until 18
>grew like 6 inches in the meantime
>big feet and shoulders too
fuck my life senpai
>>6063160
Why did you refrain from admitting it if she would have been accepting?
I regret cutting
>>6063282
I always figured it would be stupid to cut. If you hate yourself enough to harm yourself, kill yourself or don't bother was my opinion on it. Because if it's just a way of coping, you could come out of that depression, and then you've fucked up your body.
>>6063177
this is a regret thread remember. fuck if i know why.
>Had my first gay experience in my early teens
>Proceeded to ignore it until my mid 20s
>>6063160
>living in canada trans health care is amazing
Except if you're in Alberta. Alberta is one of the worst provinces for it, and because the official process was so difficult, I couldn't start at 16/17 like I originally wanted, and by the time I could start and was thinking about it.. well I ended up repressing because my mother started dating a crossdresser.
He'd prance about the house and it would agitate me and make me repress harder because "no way do I want to become what the fuck that thing is. It's just fucked up and fetishist. totes."
WELL HERE I AM, almost 8 months in and starting to look better but I just fucked turned 26 after having to see a therapist for a year just to get approved for hormones. ;-;
At least I have a boyfriend who's coming to see me, but I still worry nearly every day that I'm not good enough..
>>6064156
Your comment gives me hope. I'm 24 and repressed and terrified that 25 will be the year it becomes TOO LATE O.o
I need someone to dispell this line of thinking it is a primal fear I cannot console on my own.
.I also need to get to a counselor or someone who is not going to deflect and patronize me with feminist rhetoric, "post modernisms" and, print sheets from self help.uk like legit the first thing on Google.
The goon I've been wasting my own time talking to is only interested in bullshit gender acceptance and "tolerance" etc. Like nigga I have an eating disorder I need someone else no I'm not coming back for a 4th session I need someone who is real.
Who should I look for what type of specialist. I've avoided this my entire fucking life more than any other subject.
Fml.
I love you anon and I hope you are well. Fuck our parents generation. Fucking straight people man...
>realize I wanted to be a girl at 12
>literally had fantasies about friends coming over and finding my stash of girls clothes, forcing me to wear them and then gangbanging me
>literally still thought I was a straight boy with no issues whatsoever
I'm so glad I figured out what trans was when I turned 14. Although I wish I wasn't such a pussy and just fucking came out to my mom, so I could've started HRT then instead of now at 18
>realize trans is a thing at 14/15 looking at /cd/
>don't do anything, don't tell anyone ever
>19 now
> still will never tell anyone or do anything
i guess i regret being born this way
>>6060198
>first dysphoric thoughts at 19-20
>actually trans
pick 1
>>6064184
Lol, you don't go to CAMH, the process is the same as anywhere else. Psychologist/Psychiatrist -> Doctor (a general doctor can prescribe but incredibly rare, sometimes have to waitlist for an appointment for a specific doctor of 1 year minimum. Was 2 years long when I was 16/17 in Alberta) However there's not a 'single place', espec not in somewhere like Ontario since there's Toronto.
There are lots of Psychiatrists/Psychologists in Ontario you can possibly see, and a few now here where I am but only Toronto/Vancouver seem to have stuff like informed consent.
At Alberta, once you've got that appointment for the specific doc, back 10 years ago the Real Life Experience (ie: if you're willing to be a weird fetishist you can get HRT) was still in use here as well. So you get evaluated, told to do RLE, and only then do they prescribe hormones after that 1 year (So forced to do yet another year after being in therapy for so long). And THEN you're sort of expected to get SRS so they have you make ANOTHER appointment so you can get funding for SRS or something, which is ONLY done at the one place in Toronto. Shit's scary...
Anyway, 1 year RLE is still required in Alberta before hormones are even prescribed, and same with SRS obv. SRS is expected regardless of your preference. As per the trans support group in my city, it's known that there are some Dr's who do informed consent, but I only know of the one, and it's not considered the 'official' path. I went this path because it's the shortest legal way. Additionally, the official path up until today only had 1 clinic that had doctors who would prescribe hormones and that was for the whole province. Our city, which is bigger than it, finally got one a couple years ago I think. It doesn't make the process much easier though.
Wait times are still about 1 year or more for appointments etc, mostly because cities closer to ours also send their trans people here on referral. And it's 2016. :c
>>6064367
I just realized it's 2016 and my province still uses the RLE after writing that. I just want to go to my support group and hug people now because they were forced to be hons..
>>6064169
I used an online therapist via brandnewdaycounseling and she was actually great, though it could be scary since tone in text is hard to read.
I'd recommend if you can ignore being recommended to some of the well known 'hon absorbing' websites out there. I was seeing her from February - end of July I think, which is when I got my HRT recommendation letter. I brought it to the Dr who does informed consent here.
It will take a long time, however it's fairly affordable in my experience, with low cost per session, and thorough. Like most trans therapy, it's just confirming what you already knew, but that's how it goes I guess.
i regret what i have lost
I regret being a massive pussy who didn't stand up for himself.
>>6064445
Me too.
>>6059968
i should have let my HS gf put fingers in my butt
>>6064987
If call her stinky fingers after she did
>>6059968
i should have sucked up my fears of dating and intimacy and just gone out with the friend who asked me out and had some meaningless high school relationship for practice
now i'm 20 and i'm working through the fear but it's such slow going and full of regrettable drunk makeouts that leave me feeling absolutely nothing... i can feel it getting better, but the fact that i've never been loved or had a relationship mostly due to my own self-sabotage hurts more every day
