My son just came out to me as gay and he's only fucking 11 years old! He's barely into puberty and way too young to be deciding something like this already!
I don't know what to do or say! I don't want to push him away but at the same time I don't think he's old enough for that yet! Can anybody give me some advice here?!
Looking back at myself when I was 11 I would recommend to take him serious.
When I was 11 I told my mom I liked a boy in my class. Her reaction was the same as yours "You are young, try to figure out if your feelings are real. Maybe it's a fase". Well, they were real.
Talk about it light footed, be constructive. Don't make it a issue. Ask him why he thinks he is gay. If it's because of feelings for another boy, well, love is a great thing.
He's fucking an 11 year old? You'd better put a stop to that right now.
Tell him he's very young, but a lot of other young boys have the same feelings, and that he has you support.
I knew I was gay since I was 13, but I didn't have to have sex to prove it to myself.
>>5935567
So, you think he may actually be sure in his feelings? I should just go along with it, then? I just don't get it because he was always childishly flirty with the neighbour girl. Maybe shit on the internet is corrupting him.
>>5935535
Tell him that he needs time, that maybe he should wait until high-school to be sure.
You should also say that you'll love him no matter what.
I was gay at 11, though. I spent way too much time starring at men's underwear and imagining other boys masturbating, but I didn't know what it meant, and I also thought I was going to be a celibate monk at this time.
>>5935574
I don't want to affirm it though in case it is just a phase of confusion. I remember doing pretty gay child sex play shit like mutual masturbation with my friends around that age, and I turned out straight.
>>5935581
being flirty with someone doesn't mean you actually fancy them
girls tend to casually flirt with each other but they are not lesbians
>>5935586
So it may be for real?
>>5935535
Tell him not to let anyone tell him who or what he is. He has to find out on his own.
>>5935535
I knew I was gay when I was 9 years old.
>>5935535
I'm not really seeing the problem, it's not like he's transitioining or something. If it is just a phase, then there's no harm done.
Tell him he's too young to be dating anyone, be they boy, girl or anything in between, but that you love him whatever his sexuality.
>>5935610
Thanks, but as a psychologist I know that children just backwards rationalize what they have been originally told. Just saying that won't change anything if he has had weirdos on the internet telling him that he's gay.
>>5935581
At 11 I wasn't sure I was gay or anything. I was sure I liked to be with my friend. I liked it to think about him, liked it to watch him, missed him during vacations etc.
In elementary school I was flirty with girls. Thats just how boys at that age behave, what is expected. But some feelings are different, and even at 11 you will recognize that.
I don't know how developed your son is mentally compared to his friends, like, is he serious about more stuff?
I would take it seriously. I knew I was gay when I was like 7. I specifically remember being sexually turned on at the thought of dressing like a girl and kissing a boy at that young of an age.
If he's 11, he probably knows whats up, but that's still a very childish age, he has a lot of maturing to do. You don't need to "push him away" to recognize that fact. You can explain to him safe sex, and abstinence until he is older.
If he thinks he's gay just because he's crushing on a boy he knows, then fuck it. I would late my 11 year old date, doesn't matter to me. Love is a beautiful thing, and young love is extremely cute. I also thing any youngster, gay or straight deserves some sexual development like this when they are about 11/middle school age. It helps you grow a lot, learning about and loving people.
>>5935616
Seriously?! I didn't even have my first crush on a girl until I was 11.
>>5935633
I was having oral sex with another kid my age. He grew up to be a bit of a cunt so we don't talk anymore.
>>5935581
>corrupting
Harsh words. I don't think it should matter this much if you're child is gay or straight.
It's really hard to live as a gay person with the constant feeling of "oh people will be fine to my face, but deep down they don't really like me/are uncomfortable with my gayness". Especially when that feeling is being brought on by your fucking parent.
It's really easy going in life when you find a group of people who are genuinely accepting. I don't hate my parents, but they were uncomfortable with and weird about my sexuality like this, and eventually I drifted away from them and created my own friend family, never really to talk to them again.
I'm not mad at them, and I wouldn't change anything that happened in my childhood, but accept your child if you don't want to lose him, seriously.
>>5935535
Hey pops
Just enforce rules where he's not allowed to have sex until he's 18.
>>5935624
He's a shy kid who doesn't really hang out with friends very often. I bring him out to restaurants every couple of days just to get him out of the house
>>5935630
Do gays just hit puberty extremely early or what? That's ridiculously young. And you have to understand how uncomfortable it is as a straight man to describe gay safe sex to my fucking son!
>>5935654
>Just enforce rules where he's not allowed to have sex until he's 18.
I don't understand this. Why?
When you're going through puberty all you think about is sex sex sex sex. Just make sure he's safe.
>>5935665
Please, shut the fuck up. Don't make me think about him doing stuff like that.
>>5935661
Dude, he's already shy. Don't be weird about this and make him feel even weirder about himself and shyer. Act like an adult and be accepting of the fact that people live different life styles that have no affect on your own life style whatsoever.
>Do gays just hit puberty extremely early or what?
Gays aren't different types of human beings, they hit puberty how other people do. Just like how you mentioned your son was childishly flirting with a neighbor girl, gays too have those thoughts. All children do, you are mostly just to young to understand.
>>5935661
>And you have to understand how uncomfortable it is as a straight man to describe gay safe sex to my fucking son!
Don't be a little bitch. Just link him to reliable websites.
Just tell him that you are glad he told you and you will always be there for him whatever he wants to talk about or if he has any questions.
Don't affirm or try to insinuate it is a phase. Don't tell him to be proud and don't make him feel ashamed. Act normal, actions means more than words.
>>5935669
>I did weird gay shit like...
Well it was all I could think about and it made me super aroused.
>>5935684
Yeah, that sounds like a fantastic idea...
Fucking dumbass.
>>5935661
If you bring up the subject, why does he think he is gay?
Talk about it. My mom gave me time to figure my feelings out. She never realy talked about it. Maybe once a year she would ask if I already knew I was gay. I would always answer with "I don't know" after which the subject was over. Although I was completely sure at 12-13.
I didn't really liked talking about it, because I always somehow thought she still thought it was a fase, that I tried to be interesting. Not her fault, but looking back I should have talked about it way more.
TLDR talk about it
>>5935690
Just stay completely neutral and move on from it?
>>5935602
Of course. 11 is for most guys the first fap-time, and the first time you find out what you really like.
I found out that my male friends were more appealing than girls.
>>5935706
Yep. But let him know he can always come to you, that you are glad he can share these things with you. Kids figure things out themselves, they need benign authority they know they can always come to.
>>5935703
So, like ask him if he has any specific crushes or something? What do you mean by I should ask "why he thinks he's gay"?
Just let it happen.
It's gonna end up in disaster if you meddle with it.
>>5935732
Just ask him what made him realizing he was gay. There must be a reason he came to you.
>>5935761
Okay, I'll do that. What kind of answer should I expect, though?
you should take it as a huge compliment your son told you
>>5935675
Jeez, you barely sound like an adult, how old are you that you haven't considered the inevitable sexual development of your child?
>>5935786
He's really shy with most people, but he's always been completely open with me. I guess I can say it did a good job in that way.
>>5935802
I'm a straight adult who has lived in a small conservative town all my life. Thinking about my little boy doing stuff like that creeps me out and it's odd that you don't understand.
>>5935832
Thanks for the advice, man. It's made this a lot less stressful.
>>5935811
As a gay who grew up in a small conservative town, your parental rejection is what crushed me as a child, and it's odd that you don't understand.
First off, every 1 in 50. Not a low chance of it happening.
Second, this needs a "sit down and talk about it" session. I'm not saying it will be pleasant or not awkward, but it would help knowing the full context, right? Get yourself out of the thick fog, man, your son told you, he will probably go along with this too. Get both of you all cleared up in the head.
And third, you know you are an awesome parent if your son trusts you this much.
Think about it. How old were you when you first felt something towards a girl? (Assuming you're a guy)
I can't imagine it's much older than your son is now. He came out as gay - that doesn't mean he's ready to take it up the ass from any willing guy. He's probably gotten an innocent crush on a boy in his class. It's very unlikely to be sexual.
This isn't unusual at all. In fact, kids much younger than 11 get crushes. I remember people talking about their first crush being as early as preschool. Like I said, it's a non sexual crush. If he told you he had a crush on a girl in his class, I doubt you'd think of that as being weird.
Maybe he'll continue to identify as gay, maybe he won't. It doesn't really matter. For now, be accepting and be grateful for the fact that he told you and clearly trusts you. Use your head. If you think 11 year old boys can have crushes on girls, there's no reason they can't feel the same way towards boys.
>>5935846
Whatever, man. It sounds like you just took your parents slight prudishness and wanting to see you as a child as "rejection".
>>5935846
He is not rejecting anything. He is rejecting the idea of is 11 year old son having sex. Be it with girls or boys. Just like you reject the idea about cum dripping down your moms chin.
It's not like it's the news every parent is hoping for. About every gay I know has gone through a stage of denial, non acceptance or confusion. I don't think it has anything to do with rejection if parents go trough the same phases.
>>5935909
Thanks for explaining it. It's pretty stupid that he equates not wanting to think of my son sexually as "rejecting" him...
>>5935879
>Thanks for the compliment. :)
Hey, I'm not the one who you should thank for this
>>5935847
>And third, you know you are an awesome parent if your son trusts you this much.
I hate the people that are saying this in this thread. This is such a ridiculous assumption. Lmao.
>>5935936
Why though?
>>5935932
I should thank Kim Jung Un?
>>5935947
Because their are plenty of things I trusted to say to my alcoholic abusive dad that I wished never left my mouth. Kids can be naive, and you trust the people that were always in your life (too much sometimes).
I'm not saying he's objectively a terrible dad or anything, but saying he's a good dad is a big assumption to me on an anonymous image board.
>>5935581
>letting your 11 yo browse the internet freely
>>5935879
He could be bi. Or perhaps the crush on the girl may have not been fully genuine. It could be a lot of things, really. I won't list every single possibility.
He's 11. No, he's not at an age where he'll have fully figured himself out. Sexuality is confusing at any age. I'm 20 and I'm still not 100% sure of my own sexuality. Still, just because he's young doesn't mean you should reject him. Even if he doesn't identify as gay later on, rejecting him or telling him he's too young to identify as gay will lead to tension later down the road. You don't want to strain your relationship with him, so just be accepting as he tries to figure himself out. You're probably pretty confused right now, and that's fair enough, but it's important to remember that it's not all about you. I don't mean that in a rude way or anything, but it's the truth.
And, I should emphasize this... there ARE in fact people who knew they were gay at 11, or even younger, and they identify that way their whole life. It's early on in his life, but that doesn't mean it's necessarily a phase.
>>5935962
He already put the contexts of the kid being generally open to him in everything. He listened and payed attention enough to notice this. Does it hurt to use your brain?
>>5935936
Of all the subjects you can discuss with your dad as an eleven year old, talking about me being gay wasn't one of that. In a non-thrusting relationship a kid at that age will most likely don't talk about it.
>>5935972
Yeeeaaaaauuhhh, uh, ok
I think part of your issue is that you're equating gay with sex. Although some gay guys are all about sex and nothing else, because gay people are human and therefore have variation, there's more to being gay than sex. Hell, there are even some gay guys who don't really like sex. He's probably fantasizing about holding hands with a guy or kissing one, not with sucking his dick.
Being gay isn't inherently more sexual than being straight. If you wouldn't think of him eating pussy otherwise, there's no reason to think of this as being a sexual thing.
>>5935962
The concern he shows in this thread and the openmindness make me think he is a great dad.
>>5935535
OP Here: So, I just spoke to him and apparently the exact thing that convinced him he was gay was seeing this boy named Jake showering in his gym class and liking it. I told him to just keep things to himself and me because some kids can be cruel and bully him, and he seemed to be happy with that arrangement. I told him I'd love him no matter how he wants to live his life. I got a big hug and a kiss and everything now feels a lot better.
Thanks all.
>>5936006
Nice, you made it afraid of other kids.
I'm glad it went well. Sorry if my comment sounded defensive, I guess I was just a bit concerned because I came out to my parents at a similar age and it really didn't go well.
I hope whatever he ends up identifying as, he'll be happy and accept himself. Best of luck.
>>5936021
>implying he wouldn't be if he hadn't said so
he'd eventually find out just how cruel people can be.
Better be warned than be caught off guard.
>>5936006
>>5936048
But if he doesn't tell anyone he won't find out who is good either.
>>5936021
keeping it to yourself until you are sure doesn't seem like a too bad advice. He already told he is shy, labeling yourself as gay at eleven doesn't seem like a perfect plan in a concervative region.
The world isn't as awesome as you want it to be.
I think he did a great job telling him that he loves him and that he is aceeping his feeling. Parenting is a difficult task, you never know if you did the right thing.
>>5936062
>>5936056
I already worry that the other kids pick on him at school because he's really shy and never has much stories to tell me of things he did with friends at school.
I don't want to have to worry about him being called "faggot" or "sissy boy" or anything else that children do to disparage gay kids.
>>5936081
Everyone gets bullied at some point, especially at school. You can't protect him from that, and being overprotective is never a good idea.
The best you can do is let him know you support him as much as you can, so he knows he has someone to go to if/when he needs to.
You just have to accept that there are going to be things that will hurt him, but if you are there for him (an ideally, at least a couple of friends) he'll be able to grow a thicker skin and stop giving a fuck about that.
Also, it's very likely that, if he ever gets bullied, he won't tell you, because of shame or fear (bullies usually threaten their victims to make sure they won't go to an adult), so try to keep up with how is he doing at school, ask about his friends/classmates, etc.
>>5936116
He doesn't have any close friends and never has. At most he has some distant friends on his hockey team, but his shyness keep him from really hitting it off and getting close with anybody.
Someone like that can do without even more ostracising, don't you think?
>>5936148
>He doesn't have any close friends and never has.
If it means anything to you, I didn't either until like 10. But that one really was just a phase. In 8th grade I had like 5 friends and 20 others who I was okay with. It will change most likely.
>>5936169
He's open and fun to be around when he's with people he really trusts like myself. I just hope that he can get out of his shell eventually. I've been thinking of taking him to see a counsellor, and his coming makes it seem like an even better idea.
>>5936188
"his coming out"
>>5935535
Put him in some self-defense classes and make him do exercise / sports. It won't make him straight but he might become a confident / well balanced gay guy and not a weirdo shut-in like the ones we have here.
>>5936224
He plays travel hockey on defence. He's pretty sporty already.
>>5935535
I suggest you take him seriously. I knew I was gay since I was 2 years old! All the kids started speaking with typical words like :"Dad", or "Mom", and I kept saying "OP, OP!"
>>5936263
lol I gotta admit that made me chuckle.
>>5935535
Just a faze man, distract him with something cool like a mini moto. that will last 2 years or so when hormones really kick in and see. If he still likes boys its game over, however if it was a faze now you have a cool ass son who can ride bikes.
>>5936188
Not a bad idea. I wouldn't bring out the therapist right now cause he might think it's related to gayness rather than shyness. As a kid who was super shy but grew up to be the opposite, it can be for a whole lot of reasons. For me it was fear of being made fun of for something. Best thing you can do as a parent is just engage him in conversation regularly about stuff he likes.
Despite what that one poster said, I think it's good you warned him about the bullying. We live in real life, not some magical world where people love everybody. One thing that will help with both the shyness and the bullying is to emphasize that if it's something he really likes, stand up for that and be yourself. Unless he's a Brony lol
pretty good parenting OP
>>5936314
t.bh if your kid asks for a mini-moto you should let him have one
best case scenario you help inspire a future GP/superbike/road-racing rider
worse case scenario he loses interest and you end up with comically small motorbike to fuck about on
basically a win win
>>5935675
Your son is laying on the bed while another boy about a year older than him rams a whole 4 inch early-puberty cock deep into his asshole. Your son moans in a high squeal as he has his first ever orgasm through his ass. They kiss and cuddle naked under a blanket after.
>>5935623
Why would an 11 yr old have that kind of access to the internet in the first place?
>>5935535
>>5935581
>>5935623
Take away his smartphone. I would bet everything this is why he thinks he's gay. How the hell does he even know what gay is that early? I knew "gay" was an insult because of years of online FPS games, but I didn't know it meant lovingly sticking your penis in another man's ass until 16-17 (when I caught two dudes doing exactly that in the bathroom. top keks were had.)
Kids don't need free access to shitty memes and facebook degeneracy. That shit plagues grown-ass adults, and a kid who doesn't know how to filter will eat it up as truth. My mom cheated on my dad a few months after setting up a facebook profile and rediscovering high school "friends" she had forgotten about for 30 years. My sister thinks Donald Trump is a racist who is going to literally make mexicans and muslims illegal because of the constant shit-stream on her "news feed".
Get them a flip-phone until they're old enough to pay their own phone bill and decide what kind of phone they want. That's when they become responsible enough to meme responsibly.
>>5935535
Well he definitely loves the D or he wouldn't have come out. He might turn out bi so there's still hope for grandkids.
>>5935535
OP if you're looking for online resources you can't go wrong with starting at the CDC. http://www.cdc.gov/healthyyouth/protective/pdf/parents_influence_lgb.pdf
As others have already said, you're doing the whole fatherhood thing very well if your son's willing to be this honest with you.
>>5936006
10/10 fathering, ya done good.
>>5935535
Maybe it's a phase, maybe it isn't.
Just wait and see if he grows out of it.
>>5935535
>deciding
kek.
Your job as a parent isn't to decide when your kid's allow to feel feelings.
People like you are the reason trans kids are denied treatment.
>>5938483
Seems more like the type of person who realizes the fact that his kid is at an impressionable age and wants to make sure this isn't just curiosity. Do all trans people make mountains out of molehills?
>>5938483
>Linking a father who is confused and anxious about his son being gay to trans health care
Nice ironic may may.
>>5938483
Ya'll can't help spreading your cancerous tranny drama to every thread, can't you?
>>5938483
You are the reason trans people are seen as dumb bitches who get offended by everything
>>5935567
>>5935535
Lol I told my parents I was gay when I was about the exact same age and they asked me if I was being called gay by boys at school. It's all a blurr but they passed it off to something else. Fast forward 10 years and I never came out to them, went from hoping I was bi to realizing I like men way more than women...
>>5935535
Oh all the not true things I read on 4chan, this seems especially not true
I've been aware of my sexuality since much younger than your..son.
He may just know, he sounds """smarter""" than me.
I wish I gave up with women that young.
I'd be happier not dealing with their shit
Quick!
Make sure your son is ashamed of his sexuality and terrified of intimacy!
That's how you make a healthy child
>everyone sperging at OP except the actual gays
This is why we have rights and you don't. Go do something constructive instead of shitposting.
>>5938483
the fuck does that have to do with anything in the thread?
