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Old: >>5801107
Don't forget to sage and wait to make new threads until we're at bump limit on page 9-10.
Ancient map: https://www.zeemaps.com/edit/U0Hw9yNtqrJd-qzTdbUFMw
Some info (excuse the tumblr, it's truscum): http://helpfultransinfo.tumblr.com/tags/
Skype group: add cheeki-briki or duckduckfrog
>Move to a new town and start a new life after 3 years on T
>Surgery done
>Nobody but people in hometown knows my dark secret, stealth for 5 years
>Gf is asexual, so not even she knows
>go to supermarket on the corner I always go to
>new cashier
>They stare at me for a moment, wide eyed
>I stare back
>SHIT, it's somebody I know from back in fifth grade
>They loudly call my birthname in a questioning tone
>Start sweating
>They ask me more directly "Are you [...]?"
>"N-no, you must be mistaken"
>"Oh, sorry, I just really thought.. Sorry."
I left and haven't been back so far. I'm easily identifiable when you really take a closer look due to facial scars and birthmarks and too unique shit like that. So many fucking years swearing up and down on my passing, all coming tumbling down in two minutes. Fuck.
>>5815873
You don't need to keep it a secret.
>>5815881
I do, for myself. I don't want to be seen as a trans, I want to be seen as a guy. I don't want "being trans" to be part of my identity, I "am" just a regular man.
And, except a handful of experiences, the last years went on beautifully this way. Stealth definitely was the right choice for me, but on the rare occassion that somebody asks me, I just feel like dying.
Funnily enough, when I'm with friends/aquaintances/not alone and somebody asks me for my gender or even flatout if I was trans, usually my friends get offended for me how/why the fuck somebody would even ask that and if they were blind before I can even think of a reply.
>>5815873
dating an asexual seems so boring and pointless...
Am I being irrational for obsessing over unprotected sex (pulled out but meh)/blow job with a partner I had 4 or 5 years ago and worrying about HIV? I didn't really know his sexual history too well.
I plan on getting tested very soon, but holy shit this is driving me absolutely insane for the past few days out of no where. I just suddenly got the idea in my head that I'm poz and it's giving me pretty harsh anxiety issues.
>>5815921
Also, yeah I know this is ftmg. I don't leave these threads because I hate this board other than you fags. I am ftm.
>>5815921
It's better to know. Why did you leave the test so long?
>>5815989
Depression so bad that I didn't give a fuck really because I was still in denial about being trans. It didn't even cross my mind that he could have HIV for a while. We were dating, though I know that doesn't really mean anything.
I mean I also didn't show any notable symptoms and only recently found out some people don't show any or none for years, which is what brought on the panic in the first place.
>>5816011
well if you have it you can't do anything about it other than find out for sure and get it treated... stress isn't gonna fix anything, neither is obsession... chill out, take the test, deal with the results... you probably don't have it, but if you do at least there's treatment options and shit...
>>5816011
Statistically it's very low risk. Seriously if you didn't swallow then it would have to be a cut in your mouth and even then it would be unlikely. Other than blood transfusions, the likelihood is really low even for unprotected sex with poz peeps.
>>5815921
Basically what >>5816076 said. Oral and vaginal sex have very low transmission rates. The likelihood that you have HIV is very low. Unless he regularly had sex with men, the likelihood that your partner had HIV is also very low. You should obviously still get tested, but there's likely no need for undue worry.
(Also AFAIK swallowing after a bj has no impact on transmission rates.)
>>5816049
>>5816076
>>5816085
I appreciate the reassurance. Thanks. I'm definitely still getting tested, but this will at least help keep me a bit more chill until I get tested and get the results back.
I also did swallow unfortunately and that's what was worrying me more than anything. Every other time we had sex it was with a condom, just the one time we ran out and for some reason decided pulling out was an acceptable idea.
My sexdrive is completely dead. How do I fix it? I'm not on T yet, and I don't want to do anything that'll spike my estrogen levels. Anyone have similar problems?
The new thread happened before I got any responses:
On a site like SeekingArrangements, where it's very possible to find someone uninterested in a sexual relationship (it's a sugar daddy/sugar baby site), how important is it that I still disclose in my personal info section?
>>5815873
Unless that guy is a huge asshole or something, which from the 'sorry, sorry' doesn't really sound like it, just tell them? So they don't think they're crazy or something? Also, so you can stop worrying about it? Pretty sure they'll keep it on the down-low.
Also the whole 'no-one can ever knowwww' thing seems pretty unhealthy.
>>5815913
Fuck you.
>not wanting to have the 99% of a relationship that is a relationship without sex
>>5815890
Sure, except keeping secrets like that is psychologically damaging. No real problem with it otherwise. Doing it can lead to problems, is all.
>>5815921
Yep. Don't have sex with anyone unprotected if you're worried about it, get the test done. Worrying about it won't change anything, so, don't worry about it.
>>5816200
i'm not even comfortable with 100% monogamy, i sure as fuck wouldn't chain myself into being sexless for however long a relationship lasts...
besides how do sexless relationships even work? it seems like it's more just being close friends than anything... half of what makes a relationship fun is having someone you trust enough to experiment and explore fetishes and all that shit with anyway
>be in coffee shop
>see three twinky late teens guys hanging out together, laughing and joking etc
>my mental image of myself is very similar to their height and their boxy bodies
>suddenly notice the two girls next to me
>realize im the same height
>realize im the same body type, if not curvier
>hear them talking and yep, my voice is similar
>realize everyone else is seeing three girls there, not two + one guy
o-ouch
so uh
any tips about a receding hairline and hair thinning?
>>5816259
how were you dressed?
Does anyone here have any experience with PCOS? Would it be a bad idea to take spiro for acne? I haven't started T yet, and probably won't for another year or so.
>>5816270
Adding to this, I'm 19 and not out to my parents, and I don't know when I will be. It'd be counterproductive to take it, I know, but, I really want this acne to go away ;_; I can't even go outside because of it.
>>5816269
not attempting to pass at all, but not dressed in a pink skirt either i guess. i cant complain since i wasnt trying (was out with parents) but just wanted to be a crybaby and greentext my pain lol
>>5816265
mtf here
try asking your doctor for finasteride, it's what cis males take for receding hairlines
i don't know how well it would work with taking t shots but it basically hinders the production of dht
perhaps this isn't good or even working for an ftm, but you can try asking your doctor for it and see what they say
>>5816270
i know i have cysts, but idk much else about it like whether it's pcos or not... but if you wanna clear your skin up try shit like tea tree oil, manuka honey, face masks, scrubs, witch hazel etc why would you try spiro?
>>5816285
I got diagnosed with PCOS and the doc recommended I try spiro. I told her I'd think about it.
>>5816284
i'll ask about it, thank you!
>>5816288
Also, believe me, I've tried everything. Many different face washes, masks, tea tree oil, the whole shebang. It does not want to fucking go away. Most scrubs just dry my face out and make the acne even more noticeable.
>>5816288
cuz pcos comes with elevated t levels, spiro would increase your estrogen... which isn't something you might be able to handle since you're a transguy...
but if your main concern is acne there's a lot of other options... you should consider coming out to your doctor
>>5816303
Yeah, it's why I didn't immediately take it when it was offered to me ;_; Oh well. I don't know how trans friendly this doctor is, so, I don't know what to really do. I'm concerned for my own safety.
>>5816255
If you don't enjoy anything about your relationship with someone outside of the sex, your relationship/life sounds pretty bleak.
And yeah, it's a lot like being close friends. If you sleep in the same bed with close friends, call off work to take care of close friends who are sick, put your head on close friends' shoulders while watching a movie, unashamedly hug your close friends and give it a squeeze, etc. The amount of people who do that is incredibly small. Emotional closeness is generally restricted to a single partner, even in polyamory.
>>5816300
you have to moisturize when you're using that kinda shit to avoid the dry skin (preferably with something like almond oil), have you been to a dermatologist?
i know the antibiotic i was on for lyme (doxycycline) is sometimes used for acne... and while it was nightmarish for me with to be on that shit cuz of herxing and whatnot, i do know someone who used it for acne without issue and it helped... but antibiotics for acne seems stupid to me honestly, but in comparison to a transguy going on spiro it seems like the better option...
>>5816317
I do moisturize, it just seems like such a lost cause sometimes. I haven't been to a dermatologist mainly because money is a concern. I'm not insured, for the most part. I have to pay for my non mental health related prescriptions out of pocket.
I guess I'll deal with it for now, I've dealt with it for this long, haven't I ;_;
>>5816308
see a dermatologist and take shit from there...
>>5816314
lol my relationship is far from just being based on sex... we've been best friends since we were kids, we consider each other siblings, and we've been together for 11 years... lived together for 10 (longer if you count all the on/off time we spent at each other's houses whenever one of us was kicked out growing up), he literally is the equivalent of "home" to me and we've been through a lot of shit together... however i'm a sexual person, i enjoy sex, and it is important to me... the fact that i'm comfortable exploring things sexually with my s/o is part of our relationship, and something i do place value on...
i am physically affectionate with friends who are like that, and not with ones who aren't... i have no problem taking care of a sick friend and laying in bed with them, it's not that serious... like that's not a particularly intimate thing...
as for emotional closeness in polyamory, i've dated two people at once, there's definitely emotional closeness between all partners, it isn't reserved for one unless you're just fucking around with one of the people... loving someone else and being close to them doesn't keep you from also having the same shit with another person...
you don't really know what you're talking about, and admittedly i don't get asexuality or dating someone who is... but i said as much, you're acting like you actually have any kinda insight into my relationship with my s/o and shit i've had with other people, and you don't
>>5816331
You can bypass specialists sometimes by having good research skills. That said, skin breakouts are often a sign of an allergic reaction, especially to a drug. Perhaps the manner you're taking your T - or another prescription you're on - is affecting your skin. Washing your face (with ph-neutral soap or JUST WATER - most regular soap damages skin) 4-5 times a day, showering twice a day, and changing your sheets (especially pillowcases) each day, should have some effect on your skin.
>>5816350
>i'm a constantly drunk ftm with birds and health issues who dated two people at once once, so I know how polyamory works for everyone
Cool.
>nothing is intimate unless you're fucking
Your point of view is shit. You clearly know nothing about the psychological understanding of intimacy and also haven't particularly thought about it, yet your opinion is strong enough to tell other people they are wrong about their personal experiences.
Nice.
>>5816374
I'm not on T or anything, I have PCOS. The acne is definitely caused by that. I've had it for fucking ever, it just gets worse sometimes.
>>5816380
Well, there's stuff you can go on to fix skin, and then take care of it afterwards. There's a common one that I forget the name of, which causes light sensitivity so you see some teenage guys on it wearing sunglasses all the time.
But just washing your face and clean sheets (at night, means the clean cloth isn't contributing to clogging pores/is contributing to taking excess oil from skin) can cause huge differences. Another one is steam. Has to be quite hot, but you get the hot steam in your face, it helps your skin get rid of the crap that causes clogs that causes infections. It's why repeated showers - hot showers - help people with acne.
>>5816374
first off i'm high right now, not drunk... i just smoked, and i'm usually high not drunk... and you're bringing odd shit into this you know, what do my birds have to do with any of this? lol or me being trans? or my health issues?
i didn't say that was how it worked for everyone, i was talking about me since you directly brought my relationship into the conversation in your first sentence...
i was only talking about my experience, of course i can't speak for everyone and things are subjective... i never claimed otherwise and i don't think otherwise
and when did i say anyone was wrong? i just said i don't get it... i have a really high sex drive, and i don't even necessarily feel like sex is intimate... certain things you can do that are sexual can be intimate are, but sex is generally not intimate to me lol so you're not even talking about how i feel like sex
what i said was, yes, when someone is polyamorous in that manner it's like that... but i brought up my experience to point out that your generalization was inaccurate and only showed one side of polyamory... that it isn't just like that
i don't care if someone is asexual, i think it's fine... it just seems like the kinda thing that would drive me crazy... i've fucked on the first date though, so it's just a foreign idea to me is all... like i said i don't know anything about how that shit works... i can't condemn something or anyone based on shit i'm admittedly ignorant about... so yeah i don't have those strong feelings you think i do...
i'm also aware that being from brooklyn makes me come off very abrasive to people who don't get how to take me... so it's whatever, but you went to weird personal places with your responses to me and i was responding on a personal level cuz of it...
i don't care who isn't getting laid, though if it's you it sounds like maybe you could use it... or a drink or something...
>>5816374
What the fuck does being ftm or having birds have to do with it?
>>5816416
replace that sentence i fucked up with either:
that can be intimate*
or ignore "can be intimate" altogether, up to you... my bad
also meant to say: about like sex and shit*
i'm too high to talk to you i think... you take me too seriously, and just went to weird places lol and i just don't feel as invested in this as you do i don't think
>>5816427
Outlier factors. Most people aren't trans. Most people aren't constantly drunk or high. Most people don't have life-changing health issues. Most people do not have birds, and if they do, they don't have them just living around them all the time. These are outlier factors - they point at the individual not being a useful example for the general case.
If you're asserting that your personal experience is the general rule, and you're someone who is about as far as it's possible to get from the general case, that makes your argument farcical.
>>5816416
You asserted a number of different things about any relationship with anyone who didn't want to have sex, most of which were derogatory or untrue, or implied untrue things. That you did so as a wall of text finished with unfinished statements makes it almost impossible to actually reply to each one of them.
>I'm from brooklyn and you just don't understand me
Is a convenient excuse but either you have no idea what you're writing, or you think that your point of view is simply 'the truth that everyone knows and agrees with', like such a thing exists. From your previous posts, i'd assume it's the latter.
Hint: You're not everyone, not everyone agrees with you, your truth is not self-evident or divine. You have to actually present proof for your assertions or have proof easily present, neither of which you have even attempted to do. Writing another wall of text where you say 'oh I didn't mean any of those things I asserted' doesn't actually mean you are free of the requirement that every single person has to have evidence to produce for assertions they make. There's /reams/ of evidence about how intimacy with multiple people is difficult for most people (and that's what I said - 'most' - something noticeably lacking from your statements), and to counter most of the other statements you made about how sex, intimacy, and relationships work.
>>5816490
I read the argument from the start, at what point did he say you were wrong about anything?
>>5816436
>i'm too high to talk to you i think... you take me too seriously, and just went to weird places lol and i just don't feel as invested in this as you do i don't think
Yep, it makes me angry when people take a drive-by-shit on other people's relationships.
People who are already considered weird or 'unacceptable' by the mainstream. When that's in a place that's supposed to be less assholish about that sort of thing, it makes me doubly angry.
When that person then excuses themselves with 'oh you're taking it out of context and i'm high lol why so serious', I find it even more meaninglessly shitty.
>>5816497
>at what point did he say you were wrong about anything?
>sure as fuck wouldn't chain myself into being sexless for however long a relationship lasts...
>how do sexless relationships even work?
>seems like it's more just being close friends than anything
>half of what makes a relationship fun is having someone you trust enough to experiment and explore fetishes and all that shit with anyway
'relationships without sex are not intimate, they are the same as friendships, they are not fun'
>physically affectionate with friends
> it's not that serious
> that's not a particularly intimate thing...
'everyone is physically affectionate with other people, it's not a sign of intimacy, therefore relationships without sex but with physical affection are just friendships'
> there's definitely emotional closeness between all partners
'in polyamory there's always emotional closeness between all partners' (when i'd just said the opposite)
> i don't get asexuality or dating someone who is...
This, repeatedly stated, means that dating someone with asexuality is incomprehensible, aka stupid, or weird.
>you're acting like you actually have any kinda insight into my relationship
'you can't know anything about my relationship, but I can know everything about all polyamorous people and a type of person i've never dated or interacted with that I find incomprehensible'
>>5816497
There's more even but trying to dissect the word salad is exhausting and it's depressing even trying to read it. The constant ellipses act as underscores for anything said, implying further opinions in that vein without actually stating them or needing to have or formulate or put them down on paper. It's a pretty dishonest way of writing overall, but it's the message I have an issue with.
Saying that relationships with asexual people are not intimate and you can't imagine how they work makes me angry. Kicking people who are already on one of the lower rungs makes me angry no matter where or how it happens or if a stoned person is doing it.
>>5816490
lol what the fuck are you even? seriously... i didn't make any claims, i was only speaking my opinion which is of course subjective and not a truth for everyone... i don't even believe in "right" and "wrong" in any objective sense (or necessarily any "truth" that could matter in an objective sense either) and personally i'd be miserable in a relationship with an asexual (and i'd probably make them miserable too) so i said as much...
and in all honesty anyone getting that offended by an offhand comment said by someone who's probably wasted who regularly phrases things in a manner that's way more abrasive than intended should probably learn to lighten up about it... i mean really you know enough about me to list all those personal reasons you think my thoughts and opinions should be discarded over and yet you haven't figured out that all i ever do is speak without thinking and don't actually ever care or start off at a point where i think i'm right? you missed that?
for real though, you're just being weird right now... you should probably just stop before it gets weirder and more embarrassing for you... i realize this is anonymous but still...
Feeling really down lately. Life is so pointless when you're unpassable. I feel like my entire family is just humoring me (which they are). I want to be stealth so I can start making friends and not be so fucking lonely, but it'd be impossible to hide that I'm trans. On T for three years so I don't see how my appearance will ever change further.
>>5816350
How do you cope with dysphoria during sex?
>>5816640
Damn dude. Care to share a picture? You might just be being a bit hard on yourself.
I know how you feel though. I feel like all my friends, coworkers and family all just humor me too. For some people it's like I may as well have never even bothered coming out to them.
>>5816539
well i wouldn't... relationships can last a life time if you love a person, i imagine if you love someone asexual who doesn't let you fuck around that's a lifetime of abstaining from sex for someone... i'd fucking go crazy (personally)
i don't understand how sexless relationships work, i just don't understand and the things you said were intimate were things i don't find intimate... to me they're no big deal do those with whoever... obviously that's just me here... i'm aware other people have different ideas of intimacy, and i don't care what they are that's for them
yeah to me half of the good things in a relationship are things like having someone you're close enough to for experimentation during sex... i feel that way cuz high sex drive and i like bdsm... + i don't even necessarily see sex as an intimate experience so clearly there's other ways to be intimate though for me it's exactly what i just mentioned
to me an asexual relationship seems like a friendship and honestly it'd be a nightmare for me...that's just the fucking truth of it, that sounds like... i think i'd rather chew my hand off or something... for someone else though? it's cool
i was only talking about my personal experience with a different kind of polyamory, i assumed you were still going on about my relationship cuz in the first sentence of what i responded to you were talking about my relationship...
and nah i'm repeatedly stating it to explain that it's foreign to me... not that it matters what the other person does, but that it's something i can't fathom cuz of the kinda person i am... on an objective level i get that for some people it's fine, but when i actually think about the dynamic on a personal level i find it hard to grasp...
no you can't know everything about my relationship (which you passed judgment on), and i never pretended to know what anyone else's personal shit is like as experienced by them... you're putting a lot of words in my mouth
>>5816555
they don't imply anything, they're a habit + the breaks in sentences are just me forgetting where i was going with something completely most of the time...
it isn't intimate to me, and no i can't imagine how they work (on a personal level) cuz i would be incapable of having one... but it's really not me saying anything about what's between them personally, why would i judge a relationship i know nothing about other than one small facet? you're taking me wrong, and getting way too angry about it...
seriously i don't care about how much he doesn't bang his gf... it's not that big of a deal...
>>5816652
i've learned that thinking during sex was worthless and stopped doing it honestly... focusing on pleasurable sensations and getting lost in the experience rather than letting anything else get in the way... focus on the way it feels, and the other person and not everything that sucks... don't need to be perfect to enjoy yourself right?
+ drugs and alcohol honestly... in particular a really good sexual experience after smoking dusted weed... when i was 21... i'd been sexually active for years already, but that particular high really changed shit for me... but i don't recommend pcp, like at all... especially not on a regular basis like i did it... you can get the same effect naturally with (more effort though) through meditation and learning to experience sex when you're having it...
>looking up trans shit on youtube
>come across a 14 yr old FtM
>their entire coming out video is about "i hate being perceived as a girl, i don't want to wear girl clothing and have long hair" with only one sidenote about their physical body not mattering as much
>4 months after the coming out video they have a first T shot video up
who enables this bullshit? do gender therapists fear retaliation for actually doing screening?
from doubting myself i found a site from parents with transtrender kids who went through a phase. when the parents tried to ask the therapist if the male identifying could be something else because it was so sudden, the therapists all said no chance, accept your son. even when the kid was a "gay FtM drag queen" with no history of any trans feelings. how the hell can i expect gender therapists to help me figure anything out when they never offer a critical perspective?
>>5816770
>how the hell can i expect gender therapists to help me figure anything out when they never offer a critical perspective?
Don't. They're idiots.
>>5816770
Shop around for a therapist I guess. I got lucky with mine. She made sure I had dysphoria and it was one of the criterias I had to meet before she would even consider agreeing to write me up a letter.
>>5816797
How did she make sure?
>>5816770
To be fair, for a young kid it can be hard to explain stuff like that, a lot of ftms express discontent with being percieved as a girl and i think thats one of the biggest factors...just because he didnt only talk about physical dysphoria doesnt mean hes a transtrender
>tfw everyone keeps telling you to stop losing weight because you're apparently really skinny, but all you can see are your gross female thighs, hips and chest
Kill me.
>>5816911
This. I know when I was that age, I didn't have the words for it, either. It was hardly fair to ask me to even know the word "dysphoria" because of my age and how I was raised and shit. Granted, I'm almost 22 now and still pre-t because I wanted to be extra sure, but the people I've lived with haven't been the most supportive of it, either. If I had the support when I was younger, I probably would be at least a couple years into transition right now. Would have started A LOT earlier.
>>5817077
Well, I'm in the same point right now. I want to be huge, not curvy. Being a hungry skeleton is still a better way, though.
>>5816490
>>5816555
>The constant ellipses act as underscores for anything said, implying further opinions in that vein without actually stating them or needing to have or formulate or put them down on paper. It's a pretty dishonest way of writing overall, but it's the message I have an issue with.
I-is this your first time in /ftmg/?
I keep spending all my daylight hours playing Stardew Valley and whenever I check in here, you guys are having dumb-ass discussions.
Who wants to talk about video games?
>>5817969
that's like harvest moon right? my s/o gets addicted to games like that, but i can't usually play more than 10 minutes before i can't pay attention... i should tell him about it
i haven't played a game in a while though, last one i played was thomas was alone, it's a puzzle game... the narration is what makes it worthwhile though
>>5816139
My sex drive increased a lot once I got on T, if that helps you.
>>5816169
I've never heard of an arrangement with nothing sexual at all from that website, best I could do was hop from one person to the next before things got sexual. Are you pre-T? I don't think it's necessary to say youre trans at all unless you want to be fetishized.
I came out as trans to my ex, but I don't think he really gets it. He hasn't known any people who are out as trans or seen anyone transition. He doesn't know anything about the process, and I haven't been able to make myself talk to him about the fact that I'm on T and getting top surgery soon. I just don't think he'll ever be able to see me as anything but the "woman" he dated, loved, fucked, and lived with for years. We haven't seen each other in months. He just called me and, for over an hour, I pretended that I was sick instead of explaining the actual reason why my voice sounds like that of a boy going through puberty.
Asking someone who's had his dick inside my vagina to address me as male just feels delusional. I have facial hair now, though. I'm legally changing my name soon. In a lot of ways, I'm a "different person" now, but only because I'm letting myself actually be me instead of desperately trying to be a cis woman and catering to what other people wanted because I thought that was the only choice I had. I don't know how the fuck to handle this aside from just continuing to ignore and avoid the problem.
"Hey, so I kind of didn't tell you, but I've been taking testosterone for months now and am soon getting those breasts you loved chopped off"? Fuck. As much as I need to be my own person and I know that transitioning is 100% the right choice for ME, I still really love this guy and don't want to hurt him.
>>5816139
I had zero sex drive before T. I didn't know if I was "asexual" or if I had some sort of medical problem or if it was a medication side effect or what. I don't know how to "fix" it, unfortunately. All I know is that, since starting T, things are completely different, and I'm...uh...really enjoying it.
>>5816265
I've been on T for 2+ years and I take finasteride. It's helped me with hair thinning though it's very YMMV.
>reading the fetish thread because whatever
>that FTM forced feminization shit with how the man somehow killed who was living in their body before hand
>and the brainwashing apparently implants some new 'cis' spirit that mentally overtakes the male 'soul' or something
I can't tell if this is a fetish or a rant about trans people.
>>5816514
>"it makes me angry when people take a drive-by-shit on other people's relationships"
>takes a drive-by shit on polyamorous relationships
cool story bro
i've had it up to here with the anti-polyamory sentiment on this board honestly
Watching Spotlight gives me hope for my face. A lot of cis guys are pretty funny looking. Nothing against any of the actors, but, well, Michael Keaton's eyebrows, for example...
Come on facial hair, you can do it. My dad has a glorious beard and I feel like even a little bit of stubble would do wonders for my face.
Anyone seen any good movies lately? I'm trying to catch up on everything I missed in 2015.
>>5818876
No, I'm like eight months on T
>>5816200
Honestly, I made life experiences that left me with trust issues when it comes to some important shit. I'm more comfortable with nobody here knowing, since then they can't tell anyone and thus I wouldn't obsessively worry about them doing just that. I had plenty of time to test the waters; Either I feel depressed and dysphoric as shit but have no secrets, or I deal with the stress of having a secret but otherwise feel alright. Having had a shit past makes having big secrets just a bit easier since I'm used to not telling shit as it is anyway. But I appreciate the concern
>>5816350
I'm the guy with the asexual gf. I've got a really low sex drive myself (none at all before T) and never really enjoyed the act too much, so staying celibate with her is no problem at all for me. She offered an open relationship if it ever "became too much", though.
>>5818719
Yeah, SV is pretty much Harvest Moon but the characters actually have more going on than "the tsundere one" or "the polite one". Guy I'm after has a bit of a troubled childhood and some pretty gay undertones.
>mfw i'm a delicate sensitive kawaii emotional submissive weak girly pansy
>the only way I can describe being FtM is "I just >feel it"
>don't mind when I'm called lady in the lighthearted joking sense
>don't like traditionally masculine shit (working out, etc)
>claim I'm bi but with a huge tendency for big ol men
I'm a transtender after all aren't I
Do I even belong here
what makes a masculine haircut and how do you figure out what cuts will look good with your face? I haven't got it right at all with my last haircuts
>getting hair cut
>show picture of an androgynous haircut
>"I want it like this"
>hope that it will look androgynous on me
>look in mirror
>accents feminine facial features like nothing before
noooooo
>>5819991
Short back and sides. It's the go-to cut for any guy out there and a good starting point for sorts of haircuts you want.
In your spare time square-out your hairline. Girls have a hairline that curves over their head, mostly, whereas guys have more square hairlines.
>>5819323
a lot of people are funny looking, but depending on how they dress or carry themselves it's not a big deal...
can't think of any movies i've seen that were actually from last year that i've enjoyed... i'm sure there's some decent shit, but i usually don't have the attention span to watch a movie
>>5819562
oh got'cha... you said she was asexual not that you both were, but the low sex drive explains how that works out better... that's fair at least, the potential to be open i mean, considering...
>>5819790
oh, so it's like if harvest moon had more fleshed out characters and whatnot? i gotta remember to tell my s/o he'd probably enjoy it more then...
so there's the option to be gay in it then? or is the character you're playing as a girl?
>>5819968
there's no requirement for being masculine or having masculine interests to be a transguy... if you experience dysphoria then you're trans and it doesn't really matter what you do past that... you don't need to be someone else to validate that...
>>5819991
it's hard to tell someone what haircut would suit them or look masculine on them without seeing them...
>>5820264
Yep, there are 4 female and 4 male love interests and you can go for whoever you want. Which was half the reason I got the game in the first place, apparently you can still do the family thing and adopt kids too. The characters are a lot better from what I've seen, you build up a relationship with all 28 or so townspeople and trigger events to get to know them better which is really neat.
>>5820283
that's cool... what's the gameplay itself like? is it just as tedious as harvest moon or is that improved on?
>>5819968
>the only way I can describe being FtM is "I just >feel it"
We all just feel it.
Cis people just feel it too.
If you can tell you're a boy not a girl, you're FtM. You're just also a sissy faggot, familia.
>>5820433
Eh, as tedious as farming games ever are. Hoe, seed, water, water, water, water, water, harvest, seed... Misclicks with tools are easier than I'd like, at least once a season I'll try to harvest with my axe equipped and accidentally cut my plant down. You get more exciting stuff for the farm though, I have a mayo machine, cheese press, loom, preserves jars, smelter, recycling machine and a bat cave. Pretty sure you can ranch slime monsters too.
>>5819968
Nah, a lot of dudes don't like working out. A lot of dudes are also feminine. It doesn't mean you're a transtrender. I don't particularly like physical activity either, nor am I all that masculine (then again, not many people would view someone who looks like a 10 year old boy as masculine).
>>5819968
As long as you have dysphoria, you're trans, imo.
>>5819991
i just got an undercut yesterday and it looks okay...still kinda girly but it depends how it's styled. i think that's a good transition hairstyle so you're not just potatoface lesbian tier
>>5819968
I grew up really liking yaoi and always making the "haha I'm a gay guy trapped in a woman's body" jokes like the shitty 13-14 year old I was. I figured out I was trans at like 15-16 and that I was just a massive gay. I feel like a transtrender a lot, mainly because I don't really feel or want to act very masculine. I have dysphoria like no fucking tomorrow, though. That's really the only "requirement" I see for being trans.
With that said, "I just feel it" is a perfectly valid reason. It's not like cis people ever "feel it."
>>5820831
I was gonna get an undercut yesterday, but, chickened out and just got my hair cut a lot shorter. I still look like a lesbian, but, at least my hair isn't past my fucking shoulders now. Baby steps.
>>5820656
oh, i figured, i can't do that... i prefer shit like fps (i really like sniping) and survival horror... but my s/o will play tedious games for way too long, when he got into harvest moon it turned into me being the only one going out to get groceries and cooking and shit... cuz he gets addicted to that kinda shit, it does make it easier to do shit like write and play guitar though when he's that occupied...
>>5820831
don't a lot of lesbians get undercuts?
If we're complaining about hair
>been growing mine out from being buzzed
>look like a weird scraggly mashup between Carl and Darryl from TWD
No idea what I'm doing with it but I guess I'm going to see if I can pull off longer hair before I decide to butcher it.
>>5820933
sounds like it could look alright... depends on what you look like
i still miss my hair being longer... i've left it alone since the accidental hair cut thing happened... it's about shoulder length now
>>5821049
+ how you carry yourself... some people can pull shit off even if it sounds a bit odd, so your hair might suit you...
i just smoked a blunt in a car... so yeah...
>>5820831
Post pics, you can blur out your face or whatever I just want to see the hair.
>>5819991
The opposite happened for me
>show androgynous hairstyle on a girl model bc i know I don't pass for male
>look in mirror
>makes me more masculine
>new employer insurance
>oh sweet, maybe it'll finally cover some of the transition costs!
>it's the same insurance through a different service
Joy.
>>5819272
>that FTM forced feminization shit
I don't know about the rest of the shit you said, but I see this one fucking constantly. Cis men wanting to force ftm back into a female role and shit. It's a bit nauseating for me to think about for some reason. Probably because I lived that kind of shit back when I was still in denial about being a tranny.
>>5821189
I see that kind of thing on /lgbt/ but I can't tell if those people actually exist or if it's a horror story.
>i want a girlfriend who thinks she's a boy
>fuck him back into a girl
>>5821189
i've seen people say it was their fetish, but i've never had anyone who was into it approach me...
it's not my thing, but i get why it could be a fantasy for someone... i'm not bothered by it...
>>5821243
Kill yourself
>>5821407
>what is quoting
>>5821243
I'm totally armchairing here, but I think it's a fantasy of insecure men who want to prove that their masculinity is innate and dominant.
I don't find the enactment of power fantasies gross when it's a consensual exploration of things both parties enjoy. But when it's just one party wanting to stomp on someone's identity to prove their dominance - well, they're in a fetish thread on 4chan for a reason.
>>5821407
:*
>>5821243
>tfw shit like this is why I'm afraid to date
>>5821189
That's probably why you aren't really a man. Real man, cis men, have a primal beast inside. Some feed it, some don't.
And that primal beast wants his dick to cure everything woman-related. Mostly because, and girls will never admit this, dick does cure a lot of shit in their lives. Emotionally despondent? You need penis. Frustrated? You need penis. Tired of penis? You need MORE penis.
And you know why there's so much bisexual women out there? It's because there's some validity to this. Penis is a powerful thing. Of course, it can lead to some fucked up shit, like this or ICBMs, but I think we have to respect the good it's done, like help make all of us or Vaccines.
>>5821632
>tfw no dick to feed my primal beast inside
>>5821632
>mfw you actually kinda believe this
>>5821671
Excuse me I'm drunk
>>5821632
Well, at least you made your shitposting very apparent in the first sentence to save me from wasting my time reading further anyway.
>>5821632
>there are people who actually believe this out there, somewhere
>>5821692
>somewhere
I think you mean pretty much everywhere. A shitload of people I know think like that, and they're not considered hicks. Even people from other places often think like that, from what I've seen. Maybe not that extreme, but at least to a certain extent, and/or subconsciously.
>>5821137
fwiw i dont pass no matter what, so my goal was pretty much just something that looked less awful than before
>>5821705
I've no doubt they are everywhere, I'd just rather forget they exist.
>>5821807
Nice. I like it.
>>5821807
I don't want to call you out, but I think recognize you from some past thread. *If* I do, I apparently thought you were mtf (from where I saved your pic) and I think you could do the other side the same and you'd be pretty handsome imo. Maybe passing as 15 - depending on voice and how you carry yourself.
Nice hair right now either way.
>>5821946
Huh, that was probably me. I like seeing what gender people assume at first glance. Also, thanks
>qt former coworker who originally knew me as a girl came into my job today
>said she likes my beard
>>5821632
Actually he's right. We need penises to cure our dysphoria. Not other penises, we need our own penises, but still, dick has saved the day again!
>>5822015
Nah. I don't need a dick.
>>5821632
>>5821986
Cool. On review, more like 16-17 +/-, and I like your face. Specific pass age depending on other factors.
why do all tumblr transmen look the same?
>>5822061
because it's actually just the same person over and over
>>5822061
Because you need glasses
>>5822034
>ftm
>not needing a dick
>>5822086
>trans men
>they/them
why?
>>5822093
because TUMBLR uwu
>>5822055
Not bad, considering I'm actually barely 18...my voice and height still arent the best though
>>5822086
>tfw you meet 5 of these
;_;
>>5822086
Whatever
>>5822119
you don't need short hair to be masculine
you don't have to always say that you're the gayest gay to ever gay so people won't think you're just a straight tomboy
>>5822129
It's skinny, white, babyface, short brown hair, and no beard. I am gay, though.
>>5822086
This describes most of the guys I meet. Any guys, not trans guys.
>>5822086
I was gonna argue but you pretty much hit the nail on the head. They also are either really into video games, sports or smoking weed.
>>5822142
Yeah, for the most part, pretty much.
>>5822086
>short brown hair
i see most with dyed hair
>>5822152
those are pretty much the main activities for teen/young men in general though
>>5822009
Neat. Did she recognize you?
>>5816770
I mean, would it really be that weird if he didn't want to talk about hating his boobs and vagina? I don't like to talk about that to people I know well, much less strangers on the internet.
Sorry you're butthurt about not transitioning earlier, but taking it out on kids isn't gonna help.
>Meet someone cool
>Never thought someone so attractive would be interested in me
>Making out with them last night
>They want to have sex
>Hate my body too much to take my clothes off
Release me from this flesh prison.
>>5823080
i don't care about taking my clothes off for sex, but... kinda enjoy partially clothed sex, usually in public places, but also just like... when it works out that way idk... not everyone is gonna give a shit if you feel more comfortable with some of your clothes on though is what i'm saying...
>>5822086
anyone remember that collage of tumblr ftms aka white genderspecials with dyed haircolors and glasses?
I don't remember if it was posted here or some radfem site.
Today was T injection #10. Sometime within the last week, I noticed that I started smelling different. Not in a bad way. Just different. Makes me think of my old boyfriend. It's not a lady smell. I don't know why that means so much to me, but I have been walking around since puberty feeling self-conscious about smelling "like a girl." I always thought about the part in Silence of the Lambs where Clarice walks by the prisoner's cell and he says "I can smell your cunt." That always made me feel sick in a way no actual "horror" part of any horror movie ever has.
I was (and still am) obsessively clean, but I couldn't stand the way I smelled before. I was paranoid everyone else was picking up on it, even though I never got any indication that that was the case. Now I can finally relax, and the smell of my own clean body doesn't make me want to vomit. Weird.
>>5825050
Nice. Yeah, hormones change your smell. I can't wait for that to happen to me. That 'lady' smell makes me nauseous too.
Why in the actual fuck do I feel so unbelievably ashamed of anything involving vaginal? How do I stop this shit? I just want to feel good during sex and not care about this crap. Fuck dysphoria, I just want to stop being so fucking horny when I'm fucking with someone.
Is this feeling of shame normal? Like I don't get it. I feel like I shouldn't be able to enjoy anything related to my front hole at all. I want to just not care. Why does my brain fight me over this so badly? Back when I didn't know or was in denial about being trans it wasn't this bad that I can remember.
What happened?
>>5825231
Spend too much time in the ftm community and have started to internalize all of the stuff you've read and heard.
Your entire fear/dislike of being savagely deepdicked into multiples screaming orgasms by Chad/Jamal is all a fiction that you've created and are starting to believe.
Even in your own post you admit that you are only feeling this now. That this is a thing that has only become a real anxiety at this moment.
Fuck off with your tru trans real ftms ain't supposed to want to pogo on a fat dick till they black out bullshit.
You do you.
It's a short fucking life, especially for the trans folk, what with all of the hormones and what not. Find peace, find a purpose, and live a long satisfying life.
>>5825291
>only feeling this now
>now
Yeah nah, that's not what I said. I'm just now admitting to my anxiety over it. I've been struggling with it for fucking ages and was on denial for a very long time. It was only about 4 years ago that it began to really resonate with me and cause me anxiety when I realized I was trans. A lot of things began to make sense when I did.
I do see what you're saying though with how toxic the trans community can be. Everyone expects you to stay in line with what's expected of a trans person and if you deviate from that you're not really a tranny. It does get very difficult to seperate your own feelings and thoughts sometimes though because it's easy to get caught in and obsessed with your negative thoughts.
>>5825309
If it didn't cause you anxiety before you realized you were trans then why does it now after you realize you're trans?
You still enjoy your sex(as in your "fronthole") right?
Keep using it and ignore those your ilk who make sweeping bullshit generalizations.
>>5825313
I don't remember to be honest with you. A lot of stuff is really fuzzy because I used to be an alcoholic so my memory is kind of bad.
I call it the front hole because the word vagina has always made me uncomfortable, even when I was a kid and onward. I didn't like referring to myself with that word. That was never affected by anyone else, it's just personal preference. It's more like when I get so horny it literally just envelopes everything down there and I need to get off and I don't care how.
I appreciate your tough love approach though, man. Makes me realize how little most shit matters. I'll literally never be okay with anyone going anywhere near my chest though. Jesus christ this shit can't come off soon enough.
>>5825231
m8 all I'm gonna say is look at Buck Angel. I don't care for the guy, but he's the go to trans man for any normie or person who doesn't know much about trans guys and he gets fucked in his vag for a living, yet no one questions his identity as a man.
Do whatever you need to do to feel comfortable and fuck the trans community. Don't worry about what's expected, just worry about what makes you comfortable in your life and whatever partner you end up with.
>>5825357
Wew good shit. Thanks.
>tfw mtf
>tfw no fem ftm to bully and dom and pound in the bussy
I wish most ftms weren't so insecure about their masculinity and felt comfortable indulging in the fetishization of femininity tbqh. AGP transmen where?
>checking out at the store
>checker dude gives me a weird, scrutinizing look and says, "Hey, are you a musician?"
>me, confused: "No, I tried to be, but it turned out I really sucked at playing guitar"
>"Huh. Are you like, an artist?"
>"N-not really..."
>"Oh. OK."
>wat.png
WHAT DOES IT MEAN? I've done some professional photography, but I'm not an "artist" (and definitely not a musician); there's nothing about me that looks like an artfag.
>>5826320
Maybe he mistook you for someone who is a musician.
>>5826320
It means you look more like an artfag than you think, or possibly homeless.
>>5826320
eh, i'd take that as a compliment
>>5826320
Maybe he was simply trying to see if he was especially talented at reading people. One time someone asked me if I was, specifically, a professional hiphop dancer, and when I asked "No, why?" something like the aforementioned was their explanation.
>>5826299
That's my fetish. As long as I can be needy during after care cuddles.
>>5826320
it means he thought you looked like you might play something or draw... probably cuz you look like an artfag... i know you said you don't, but he must've thought so... doesn't really mean much so eh... don't think too hard on it
people just kinda ask and assume shit sometimes
>>5826320
i've had people ask if i was an artist or a dj, usually when i wear very fashionable clothes
probably means you look cool, don't worry about it
>>5826460
whether it's a compliment or not depends on the guy... but regardless it's better than the time i overheard a doctor tell a nurse he bet i was just there for pills when i was in the hospital (this was pre-any test results or anything he just thought i looked like a drug addict and was betting my tests would be fine) wasn't the first or last time i had someone look at me and instantly think "drugs" but it was the most annoying...
>>5826390
>tfw need to cuddle after bullying someone bc i dont want to legitimately hurt their feelings
pls b my bf
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Jerd98BBfOg
Fart in my face.
>>5827957
>tfw you can't tell whether dysphoria is warping and exaggerating your views of your chest or if every single binder you try on just doesn't fit you
Guess who got drunk and cut for the first fuckin time tonight
>this guy
I know it's a pussy thing to do but god I hate myself so much and I can't kill myself because it'd make people I love sad, so hooray for loopholes I guess
>>5828910
It's probably the dysphoria. Honestly, I was worried about a slight bump while wearing my binder, and I have almost nothin up top, but cis guys have pecs, too, so more than likely it'll get dismissed as bein somewhat muscular. Sta bien, bro.
>>5828947
It's not worth the scars t b h
>>5828956
No, I know. I don't think it'll even scar, honestly, it's super shallow, but I could be wrong. I'm going to be super self conscious about it when I sober up but fuck it, I deserve it to some extent. As a warning or st, I don't fucking know.
>>5828963
>Same guy
Listening to sad music and shit really isn't helping obviously, I'm not really doing anything to help myself. I wish I could just kill myself, but both my conditions for that aren't met yet, so gotta keep goin until it's Actually Not Worth It tm.
>inb4 edgy
I know, I'm not proud of feelin like this, but everyone who might huve a shit about me is asleep and I'm dealin with bullshit now
>>5828979
*give
>>5828963
Be careful with that shit, man. If you wanna talk more I'm here to listen. I know how fucking shit things get though. Like damn things seen hopeless. But given enough time, you'll be able to solve all your issues.
>>5829013
I really appreciate it.
It just feels so fuckin hopeless. Like fuck, I feel like I'm ruining parts of lives. My parents' and grandmas' and s.o.'s. And I'm not even on fucking T yet. Even wanting to be feels like a slight. It be easier for me to fuckin an hero, but I know s.o. would be sad and my sister and there'd be no one to take care of my pets. I'm hangin on to that right now, but it's all I've got. I want people to not give a shit about me so I can go ahead and OD or waste away, but I've got a little bit of time before that happens. I know I've got more than some, and I know I should be grateful, but fuck. I'm ungrateful and dramatic, I guess lol.>>5829013
Post the soles of your feet RIGHT NOW
>>5829044
i wish i knew what to tell you to fix shit, but i don't... i'm honestly in a similar position where the biggest reason i haven't killed myself yet is just for other people... so i know what that's like well enough... and i know what it's like to tell yourself "probably one day, but i've got time left before i can" cuz i do that every day... and i have for years, and some days all the distractions in the world don't really hold shit together as best as they could, but... it helps to just accept that those times will pass however shit they are... and just find ways to calm yourself down until they do...
the most you can really do is just learn to live in the moment, appreciate the shit you have, and find new things to appreciate and give a shit about... and dwell as little as possible on this sorta thing (even though you will dwell some of the time, and even though sometimes it'll be all consuming... doesn't have to be a constant) and honestly... maybe try finding things outside of others to make life worthwhile to you, i mean... i'll be honest i've got nothing and i'm not sure how to go about it... but i can still recognize the value of having that sorta thing...
you don't sound ungrateful or dramatic btw... just frustrated, worn down, and depressed... and living for other people isn't easy, it doesn't make you ungrateful towards them for not always feeling capable or like your inability to handle your problems exceeds their need for you sometimes...
i'm definitely guilty of pushing people away cuz it'd be easier than caring... some people kinda stick anyway, but i get the sentiment...
it doesn't sound ungrateful or any shit like that to me... what you have in relation to other people doesn't mean your problems disappear, or that you can handle them... that's not really how shit works, and that's why comparisons are pointless shit's subjective...
>be really horny
>fap
>have a break down and cry right after over chest dysphoria despite it having literally nothing to do with the fapping session
Literally fucking wat
>>5825357
>yet no one questions his identity as a man
Fucking this. Why is it okay for one transguy to get pounded in his goddamn vag, yet it's a double standard for anyone else? Fuck that noise man, if a trans person can manage to be okay with using their junk then goddamn go for it. Make use of your damn body if you can.
>>5829349
I cried right after jacking off one time when I first started t. For no valid reason at all. Maybe it was my hormones being all out of wack that made me emotional. Not sure.
>>5829337
Thank you so much. This is what I needed to hear waking up from that. It's really nice to hear words from someone who's dealt with this kind of stuff instead of people who are trying, but have no idea what they're talking about.
I'm sorry you have to deal with this too, it really fuckin sucks. Thank you so much for sharing your experience with it, though, I've never heard anyone put something like that so genuinely and free of sugar coating.
I know I'm startin to repeat and sound like a sappy baby, but I really do appreciate it, dude. Thanks, and I'm sincerely wishing you the best.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L3nqgNAsQlQ
do you like when a guy makes fun of your tits/cunt?
>tfw short, unpassing, pre-everything with a high as hell voice
>gay dudes won't date you and bi dudes just see a girl
Let me die.
>>5830316
>pre-everything
This is your problem.
>>5830344
I know what my problem is, nerd. Doesn't mean I can't be sad over it.
>>5830161
no problem, glad it helped cuz i didn't think it would... just felt compelled to say something cuz i know where you're coming from, and it's a hard position to deal with...
if you want you can give me your email and if you ever need to talk you can... or like if you're in the us i'll give you my # in an email and you could text me any time with anything and i'll listen... it beats cutting yourself when you're out of feel better or suicide options
>>5830348
>let me die
Get to work instead
>>5830433
if you're under 24 depending on where you are there's places for lgbt youth that you can go to, to get outta your situation...
>>5830438
I've a friend who's willing to let me stay with him, we just need some more money to make it happen. Hence the year wait, moving is expensive. (And there's no way I'm going to leave my cat alone with them).
I'd rather not go to a local place, that runs the risk of them finding me. No turning back once I'm gone.
>>5830457
Never have I been happier that my dad is a easy going teddy bear of acceptance.
Stay safe, anon :(
>>5830457
got'cha... makes sense
>>5830495
Thanks, anon. I've put up with it my entire life, though, so I can make it a bit longer. Honestly, I wasn't really aware it was going on until online friends pointed out that their behavior is kinda fucked up. It all just seemed... normal, y'know?
>>5830566
My best friend had the same. He though of his childhood as normal until police got involved and his mom tok him and his sisters to an emergency shelter. His dad used to snap at the smallest thing and beat up wifey and son. At least his sisters never got touched. Even today my friend can tolerate a lot of psycho violence without reacting. I like to think he came out strong from it, but wish he didn't have to go through all that shit.
I don't know the details of your situation and all but it'll get better. Just hang in there, dude.
>>5830661
Honestly, I think I'm the opposite. This probably isn't the place to share details of my situation, but, I'm just... extremely sensitive? I used to think I was just a big whiny baby for crying at the drop of a hat or flinching away from people touching me. It took an outside source to convince me that hey maybe it wasn't my fault.
Deep down, I still do feel like it is... but at least now it's not so normalized that I don't question it.
>>5830702
Well that sucks. I hope you can process it.
Do you have problems feeling safe?
>>5830717
Yeah, I really do. I have a lot of trust issues and kind of feel unsafe no matter what people I'm with, even if logically I know they pose no danger to me.
>>5830566
>It all just seemed... normal, y'know?
I grew up in an an abusive home and before I even got out I was already stumbling right into the loving arms of more abusive people. Which is very common for people who have a fucked up sense of "normal".
I don't mean to alarm, but sociopaths and their ilk are to abuse victims as flies are to shit. So just watch out for yourself. Don't chase after acceptance and warmth if it's being dangled before you like a carrot.
>>5830734
Sounds like trauma to me. You should probably get into therapy. Not saying therapy will magically solve everything, but it's difficult to deal with stuff like that on your own. Being trans on top of it will not make shit easier.
>>5830702
you know, that's a much more common reaction to child abuse than being emotionless and stoic...i'm kind of the same on the flinching thing, i wouldn't call my parents abusive but my mom did occasionally hit me and my siblings or scream and throw things, and i am incredibly jumpy when someone sneaks up on me, even accidentally. shit sucks
>>5830750
A friend of mine's brought up PTSD before, I didn't really think much about it since I don't have like, full blown flashbacks or anything. But, I know that my family has fucked me up beyond belief and really wish I could afford therapy or something right now. I just work a part time job and most of my money is either being saved to move or being put towards groceries.
I've looked up once that offer free counseling and there's only like, one sort of in my area. ;_;
>>5830736
I haven't had many romantic relationships or anything, but, I do know I have stayed in a lot of friendships that have been terrible for me just because I was so afraid of being alone. I'd like to think the friendships I have now aren't bad for me, though. I hope.
>>5830806
>I'd like to think the friendships I have now aren't bad for me, though. I hope.
As long as you're aware of the risk you can try to protect yourself. When getting to know people try to analyze their behaviour from an objective perspective. 'If they behaved like they did towards you towards others would you be ok with it?', and so on.
Have you looked into LGBT organizations? They might have councelors that can help with stuff.
>>5830799
Ah. Yea, I was. But I didn't want to fuel his trust issues further with vaguely delineated tales of misfortune.
>>5830806
I'd check out the one option at least.
Shit friends count too. Drop them if they treat you poorly.
>>5830566
i grew up with a lot of abuse, and yeah... it does seem normal cuz it's what you're used to, realizing that shit isn't normal is a weird part of growing up... my s/o went through the same thing
even now it's sometimes like "damn i didn't think anything of that" sometimes...
>>5830776
probably depends on how you were abused... i know i would get hit if i cried (usually over getting hit or screamed at etc) which turned into me being an adult who has a hard time with crying and shit like that...
>>5830806
you're honestly probably better off getting out of there before you worry about therapy... getting out of there, and being out for a while will help you pull yourself together more than you realize and you can deal with what doesn't get better in therapy once you're in a safe place...
>>5830226
He should have told em right off. That's the one scene of the movie that gives me the sads. Why did he let things get that far?
Wow i really regret not selling my eggs when I had the chance... Shit makes bank...
>>5815768
I've never posted in one these threads before, but I kinda just wanna blog a little bit, since I have to deal with some demons from my past soon. I'll sage, just in case. Feel free to skip.
Four years ago, I came out as an FTM. Told my parents and friends. Small town, so it spread. No big deal. I dressed and acted like a dude. No one cared. I never was able to pass though, due to fatness, so I stopped trying. Grew out my hair, ditched the binder (speaking of which, anyone need an XL Underworks binder? I'm willing to give it to you for free, if you pay for shipping). Nowadays, only my friends call me by my boymode name. I'm happily stealth (sometimes I even fool myself into thinking I'm a pretty lady), just waiting around until I can legally acquire T without my family or job having to be part of it.
I'm skipping town once I get enough money though, 'cause I don't want to be the town tranny anymore. I just want to be a dude. Not a pawn for liberal activists and sociology majors, not an outcast for Bubba to gawk with his buddies about, just another dude. I guess that's what we all want, so I sorry if I'm being a broken record.
I don't want to be a part of the LGBTATFKMD movement. I don't want to gush over my problems with my gurlfrennz while sipping Starbucks and clicking my tongue with my thumb up my ass. I don't want to be seen that way. I don't want to be seen as a tranny. I'm not a tranny. I'm a dude, who got a shit genetic deal. And I wish, I wish upon so many millions of fish, that I could tell that to someone, and that they'd believe it, and that I'd believe it, too. I wish we all could. I wish everyone on Earth could be comfortable in their own skin.
But that's not reality, and I, we, have to deal with that. And I think those of us that make it are much stronger for it. So in the end, I'm kind of happy it turned out this way, but also not. I know I'd rather just be okay being a woman. But I'm not. Can't mourn something you never had, I guess.
>>5832040
>$8000
Fuckin' shit, where do I sign up?
>>5832183
>happily stealth
I'm confused if you are living as male right now or arent...
>>5832183
How are you coming along with the savings?
>>5832191
I have no clue. But if you're eligible, fucking do it ASAP. Seriously. I just heard about how much money they give you and I want to punch myself in the face for not doing it before I started T. Such a wasted opportunity.
>>5832191
this guy >>5832518 here again
I'm considering approaching every girl I'm close to in my life and asking them to do this for me, lmao. I have to do research, but if it isn't an incredibly painful or invasive procedure... Idk man. It might be worth some disgusted reactions.
I also finally messaged someone on that sugar daddy site SeekingArrangements... Wow. I'm really desperate.
Am I a terrible person?
>>5832581
Nah, if I was hot enough to get a sugar daddy I 100% would too.
>>5832617
I don't even think I'm hot enough I'm just hoping someone takes pity on me t b h
>>5832642
I don't think you know what stealth means, dude.
>>5832650
Welp.
>>5832671
I probably don't. Sorry. Like I said, I'm not really active here. Read "stealth" as "living like a woman".
Oh boy. Have you guys seen the weather out there? I'm going to bed.
Where the hell is the janitor anyway.
>>5832650
It's ok bro I'm straight
>>5832737
I live in Central Texas. It's a balmy 65 F right now.
>>5832747
Feet and inches I can do. Pounds I can do. I can cook with cups and ounces. I can convert from US dollars pretty well on the fly.
Fahrenheit still makes no sense to me.
>>5832737
I remember when I was 13 and thought /b/ was funny.
>>5832650
What does that even mean?! How can people understand such vague language?
/ftmgen survey!
Out of curiosity, are you
1. Straight
2. Gay
3. Bi
Just wondering b/c outside of here it seems like 90% of FTMs were straight, e.g. into women, but in here it seems the opposite
>>5832705
stealth =/ in the closet
>>5832928
gay
>>5832928
We very recently had two strawpoll.me surveys.
This is the second, but the first one got more responses (about 65).
I'd recommend holding off on another survey until whenever this thing's blown over.
>>5832989
By "this thing" I mean the raid.
To clarify, the second poll had more options for the bis, but the first poll got more responses.
Shaved my fuckin face for the first time today, YEAH. Stubble on my upper lip feels so weird. After so many years repressing, I still can't believe this is happening.
>>5832928
Bi, I guess, but I feel like I should just say N/A or celibate or sperglord. I don't know what's wrong with me. I'm not "asexual"--going on T definitely proved that to me. I'm attracted to people, but I cannot into intimacy, and I don't want to be touched by anyone else, ever. I wish there was an easy, non-Tumblrina word for this. Help me. What am I, besides autistic?
>>5832518
wish i could do that... no way am i eligible though...
>>5832581
i've had a lot of offers i would've taken if i was single... never been on that site just like... in general... can't judge someone else for going for it, besides terrible is subjective and it takes a lot to be an actual terrible person... not just like one thing that's pretty insignificant since it's between you and someone fully aware...
>>5832650
2 kings 22:23-24
23 From there Elisha went up to Bethel. As he was walking along the road, some boys came out of the town and jeered at him. “Get out of here, baldy!” they said. “Get out of here, baldy!” 24 He turned around, looked at them and called down a curse on them in the name of the Lord. Then two bears came out of the woods and mauled forty-two of the boys.
the bible has a lot of weird shit in it...
>>5832928
i'm bi...
>>5832650
>>5833150
+ usually it's "go on up baldhead" but i copied it from a different version of the bible i guess... i think "baldhead" makes it funnier personally, but yeah...
>>5833150
Moral of the story: don't make fun of bald people
>>5833166
especially not prophets climbing mountains though... i actually don't get most people's obsession with the line in leviticus when there's the one in romans that's not sandwiched in with shit like not wearing mixed fabrics or eating pork... i think it's somewhere near paul writing about chicks needing to be quiet in church... if only to mix it up a bit
>>5832831
Sorry bub :p
>>5832705
stealth = living as a man, no one knows you're trans
closeted = living as a woman, no one knows you're trans
you're in the closet, anon, not stealth.
>be mtf
>face just started rounding out, starting to look andro
>gonna pretend to be ftm on seekingarrangements so I can lure fetishists looking for tomboys out to give me hundreds of dollars for dates alone
Who /mischief/ here?
>>5833989
you realise mtf is a much more popular fetish, right? you will get more money being honest
>>5834112
Nah, I don't pass well enough for that to be a thing.
>you will get more money
Pic related, took this pic of my friend who's a trans boy. $300 for like 4 hours of work. I'd let a gross faggot kiss my face for that kind of money tbqh.
>>5834147
Maybe he can buy some braces with that money
>>5833407
Ah, okay. Thanks.
>>5833030
I can't into intimacy either, anon. I have some moderate trust issues, and I think that's why I can't do the deed. There's something about being so vulnerable to another person, it makes me want to throw up.
Friendly reminder you have to have low body fat to pass
Those on T: how did it affect your mood? Like stress and anxiety levels. My therapist today was saying how going on hormones and having a new imbalance could make university tougher to deal with. Though there's a possibility it could even out what I've already got.
>>5833150
Damn, Brooklyn. Getting sought after by sugar daddies... That's awesome.
>>5833989
Eh. I'd rather just be honest about my situation and hope someone still likes me.
¯\_(ツ)_/¯
>>5834966
i honestly never really thought about it, just seemed normal...
>>5834989
Fair enough. You're quite the enigma, dude.
