Hey, what happened to the last thread?

>>5804035
It got deleted. Maybe since we got close to limit?
Also I forgot to post the map before I closed the last thread. Anyone have the link?

I'd like to adopt one day! I want to be with a partner first though. It feels like a really good way to have a family eventually, and plus I'd be giving a kid born into crappy circumstances a good life.

Liking the inspired 9th grade biology slide btw haha

>>5804035
I was wondering the same thing?

>>5804086
No. That would get us into the temporary archive on here. We got deleted.

>>5804101
Do you have any preferences to adopt? Age, gender, personality, physical characteristics?

>>5804250
I'd like to adopt either a baby, or a kid who's still really young. I'd like to be around for every stage of them growing up. I don't want them to feel like their family is a foster family.

I don't have any gender or physical preferences. As for personality, given the above I guess it'll be a surprise!

>>5804250
>>5804478
It's interesting, in the act of writing this I changed my mind on the "physical characteristics" part of your question. It's amazing how much prejudice from our social environment accidentally becomes ingrained in our ideas, and the extent to which you have consciously try to outgrow it

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>>5803902
I like kids but in a sense that you like horses but don't want one in your backyard.

I mostly just want to be the "cool aunt" for my nieces and nephews and have them come over now and then.

Maybe I'll adopt but I'm pretty sure the child would end up fucked up due to my shitty care.

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>>5803902
map is here
https://www.zeemaps.com/map?group=1764048

>>5804505
So what'd you change your mind to? You want it to look like you? How much? What would you look for?

>>5804515
I totally agree! I'm doing that with my nieces and nephews right now. It's always nice to play with them and then say "ok bye", give them back to my brother, and go home to a (mostly) quiet cat.

>>5804519
Thank you so much!

>>5804538
Well, before today I would have said I wanted to adopt a kid that looks a bit either like me or like my partner. But I guess I'm doubting if I can totally justify that ethically? I mean, no orphan is more "deserving" of love and a family than another.

>>5804515
The cool aunt/uncle sounds sweet too! Too bad I'm an only child with no first cousins

>>5803902
I can't stand children. I'm an only child, and so is my partner, so we won't even have to deal with nieces/nephews. Life is good.

>>5805038
>Well, before today I would have said I wanted to adopt a kid that looks a bit either like me or like my partner. But I guess I'm doubting if I can totally justify that ethically?

I think that's completely okay to want someone that looks more similar to you. The only problem I can see is that you didn't want someone else because mustard race or something

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>>5805546
>my partner
H-how did you two meet, anon?

>>5803902
I'd rather have no one ask me about having children. All I hear is "I want grandkids" from my parents and "I'm sure you'll change your mind" from strangers and my sisters.

>>5808296
We met on OKCupid!

>>5808645
wat
How the heck did you manage to get through all the fucboi dicks?

>>5808652
I have specific things to look for before I respond to a message. If it's just "hey" "wyd" "sup" or whatnot, I don't respond. If the person doesn't have a picture, doesn't have their profile filled out, or doesn't have any questions answered, I don't respond. If they have specific questions answered incorrectly (e.g. "is homosexuality a sin?" answered with "yes"), I don't respond. If the message doesn't mention my profile in some way, I don't respond. If it doesn't ask a question so I can continue the conversation in some way, I don't respond.

Getting five or so messages a day would mean that I'd actually respond to like, two a week. And I was single and on OKCupid for about a year and a half before I met my partner, so it took a lot of shit before I found him. However, I did meet a few people along the way who turned out to be good friends, so it wasn't like the entire thing was dragged out forever.

>>5808686
I definitely have to remember that.

>>5804515
I'd still rather not. I'm always uneasy around children just because of how they are with saying weird shit.

Like one time, I babysat my neighbor's 9 year old daughter. And before the mom left for work, she gave me the rundown of what I needed to do. One of the tasks was to take the kid down the street to walmart because her mom promised her a toy. Which she gave me money to buy before leaving for work.

Well, first incident happened when we first got into the parking lot. I got out of the car and had to let the kid out of the backseat. So while we were walking up to the door, I had to hold her hand to keep her from running off. Then once we got close to the entrance, she started screaming and trying to pull away, yelling that I was trying to kidnap her. She stopped after a few seconds thankfully before she drew too much attention but then she started laughing when I explained why that wasn't okay to do.

>killmenow.jpg

Second incident was after we got the toy and were in line waiting to pay for it. My neighborhood is mostly black. So it wasn't surprising that me and the kid were the only white people in line.

I noticed she was hugging the toy tightly so I asked her if she was hugging it because she was happy they had the one she wanted. But no, she looked around then back to me and the following conversation happened:

Kid: No I don't want it to get stolen.
Me: Why? What's wrong?
Kid: Look who's here.
Me: -looks around expecting to see a classmate or someone- -shrugs- What do you mean?
Kid: -very loudly- The black people are going to steal my toy!

The two big gang-banger looking niggers turn around and stare at me. Along with the black cashier and the family behind us. All I could think to do is to grab the kid and say "Shut up. White people steal shit too." Then I quickly paid for the toy and left.

>>5809690
that's just part of growing up and figuring out the rules and morals in your culture.

>>5809690
If that's how your neighbor's child acts, I don't even want to know how your neighbor acts. I don't think the issue is children specifically there. That child was raised by parents who don't seem to know how to raise a child right.

>>5808686
I will have to keep this in mind.
Also, did you ever make the first move? Did you ever send the messages to initiate conversation, or did you just wait?

>>5811350
My neighbor was a single mom who was a former stripper. So yeah, that job didn't last very long (I kept up with it throughout the school year cause I needed the money) until I called it quits and the kid ended up being watched by her best friend's mom. Which is fitting since the best friend was also the most perverted little girl I've ever met and it creeped me out.

But that was my most recent story really. I have plenty others. Some from my babysitting days, some from when I was younger being around other kids or around cousins. So maybe I just have too many bad experiences with children Idk. I just know I hated kids when I was a kid and I still don't much care for them now.

I just see it as a positive side to being asexual these days. No chance of accidental pregnancy.

>>5811350
Yeah, I messaged a few people first, and those were generally the people I became friends with (my current roommate and two of my best friends were all people I messaged on OKCupid). But generally I would check out new people on the site once a week or so and send messages that way, so a lot of the time, people would message me before I'd even see their profiles.

So I was having a conversation about sexualities with one friend and she mentioned that she had some asexual friends, and I decided I would come out.
Long story short, I'm getting to meet one of her asexual friends tonight. First off, yay, I'm not the only ace on my college's campus. That's pretty cool. That isn't why I'm coming here to say this, though.

I came here to ask if I should make a move on them at any point. It's not often that you get a chance for a relationship with another ace, so I'm wondering if I should try to befriend them with the intention of asking them out at some point (you know, assuming I like them and all, I haven't actually seen or met them as of yet), or do I try to just befriend them and nothing more? (that is also assuming they aren't aromantic or anything)

What do

Also what happens if I manage to sperg it up

>>5816973
>I came here to ask if I should make a move on them at any point
Only you can be the judge of that. But you probably don't need to be thinking about that yet, first you actually have to meet the person. See if you can hang out with them some and get to know them, find out if you like them or not, then proceed from there.

Basically I think you're getting a lil ahead of yourself.

>>5816973
Ask if they're interested in romance. This shit is so much easier than spergs make it out to be.

>>5803902
I'm not fond of kids for a lot of reasons. Mainly because I had a shit childhood myself. I wouldn't want to fuck up my kids the same way my parents fucked me up.

And even if that didn't become the case, I've recently already cut ties to my family. It wouldn't make sense to tie myself back down into family life again.

>>5804224
How'd that happen? Think we just got to page 10 without bumping? Or some asshole troll bashed in the report button enough times?

>>5818418
If it had hit page 10, it would have been temporarily archived. It was deleted.

tfw someone pays a littl attention to you and you immedatly fall in love with them ;-;

>>5819356
Tfw you pay attention to someone and you feel them fall for you and you don't want that so you have to distance yourself and everyone is sad

Is asexuality even real? I mean, non-ace people aren't sex-crazed people who are always horny. Not wanting sex is something that everyone experiences in their life, right? Maybe I'm not even asexual, maybe I'm just gay and really repressed it and have a lot of internalized homophobia. But I don't want to have sex or be in a romantic relationship, I don't feel the need to masturbate ever, my sex drive is basically zero, yet I read stuff on various places that asexuality isn't real or valid and then I doubt myself. I just don't know. Sorry for blogging.

>>5819916
It's probably real but very rare.
Your libido goes up and down, and most people have periods when they don't want to have sex at all. All those dead bedrooms? It's usually because of one person losing their sex drive for one reason or another.
That said, maybe there are people who go through their whole lives never desiring sexual interaction. Anything's possible.

Hey /acegen/, I seek your collective wisdom. Are any of you on Prozac?

My partner is ace and she's about to start Prozac, so I'm poking around to try and get an idea of what I'm in for. One of the common side effects is loss of sex drive. Do you think anything will change in that department? Or is that particular side effect kind of a moot point?

>>5819916
Low sex drive isn't the same as asexuality, it's a separate thing, basically if you have a non-existent sex drive your orientation is who you WOULD be attracted to if you did have a sex drive. And yeah, most people don't want sex 24/7, but it's not "normal" to be in your early 20s without ever having wanted to have sex.

>>5819356
I get this feel. I recently fell romantically for a newish close friend. And it's completely impossible, not because I'm ace but because she's lesbian. People have been mistaking us for a couple lately and its super awkward each time. I guess its cool that I have her as a friend though because I feel more like the person I want to be around her

>>5820818
I've been on other SSRIs which have similar symptoms, and I never really had any changes in how I felt with them, with the exception of Lexapro/Cipralex, which made me anorgasmic.

>>5820818
I'm confused on how this would effect you. Do you have sex with your ace partner? Are they grey-A?

>>5820894
I don't understand. How would you know who you would be attracted to if you're not attracted to people now?

>>5821727
They're saying that sex drive ≠ sexuality. I am asexual, but I have a fairly high sex drive. I masturbate multiple times a day. However, none of my drive is aimed at anyone. I don't look at people and want to do anything sexual with them. I don't want to be intimate with partners. I don't care to watch porn, as seeing others have sex kind of weirds me out. But I have a very consistent relationship with my own genitals.

>>5811350
>That child was raised by parents who don't seem to know how to raise a child right.

And that's the problem with children. They're made by hobbyists and amateurs. I don't think anyone would argue with the idea that child care is a difficult and complicated line of work, but somehow people also have the idea that everyone can and should raise their own children. Those two ideas don't mix.

Like, imagine a world where everyone was expected to make their own shoes. You'd have a lot of people in shitty shoes because that's not where most people's interest or talent lies. And a shoe is a lot simpler than a baby.

>>5821727
>I'm confused on how this would effect you. Do you have sex with your ace partner? Are they grey-A?
We have sex, but very infrequently. We schedule it once a month just for the health of our relationship. I just want to know if she's going to get even less out of it than usual.

>>5803902
I genuinely hate human sexuality, and my fear of other people assaulting me is severe. it's even worse because I'm dysphoric -

ITT: desperate heteros and people who think you have to have sex with your SO 24/7 and think about sex with everyone you meet

>>5822113
Uh, pretty much none of us think that as far as I know. Do many heteros go through their entire lives without ever actually wanting to have sex with anyone?

>>5821772
I like to compare my sex drive to needing to go to the bathroom.

>>5821964
The concept of a child is to create a copy of yourself, moreso another iteration, and raise it as such, and basically prepare another you for the world. You raise your child. It is not a product, it is a successor.

>>5822027
Yes, probably.

>>5822113
So how does that fit in with me ruining my relationship because I wanted sex 0/7?

>>5823489
That sounds awful. Why would I subject someone to the trouble of being me? I think I do okay, but I wouldn't want to wish me-ness on another person. I'm too easy to fuck up.

>>5804515
Theories and actual studies of how homosexuality evolved mostly support kin selection....and the particular kin are nieces and nephews. But yeah this has no bearing on modern life whatsoever...

>>5823511
Nononono, think of it more like a better you. An improved iteration.

>>5825527
But why? That's a lot of effort to see someone overcome my issues in a more efficient process.

I'm convinced I would turn into a bitter, impatient, awful human being too. It's hard to deal with little beings who lack empathy.

>>5825603
Well, don't have children then.
Bear in mind that your brain does actually change a fair bit with parenthood. It's interesting

>>5825917
Yeah? How so?

>>5822113
Pretty sure none of us think that. I have no desire for a SO at all, let alone someone to have sex with.

What's up fellow aces? I'm currently watching House of Cards S4.

Yeah, I don't want to bring more children into the world as I'm an antinatalist. I might adopt one or become a foster parent though when I'm older - there's plenty of kids who need a good home.

Let's make a list of the bright side of asexuality. I'll start us off.

>No risk of accidental pregnancy.
>No risk of catching STDs.
>Not brainwashed by sexy advertising.
>Won't complain about not getting laid.

>>5825962
I don't recall exactly how. Something with altruism and shit, which could cause some other changes or whatever. Heard it a while ago and now I'm questioning the validity of it now that I'm saying this.

>>5826547
I thought it was S3 now?

>>5826547
>Not brainwashed by sexy advertising.
Not necessarily, I doubt you see everyone equally. Some people are probably more appealing to you than others. I'm sure there's still some effect.

>Won't complain about not getting laid.
Well, I complain about not getting cuddled

Also we probably shouldn't start going "what makes us better". I feel like the rest of /lgbt/ may grab onto that and give us a ton of shit. Also, AVEN is pretty elitist. Do we really want to become AVEN?

>>5827201
>Not necessarily, I doubt you see everyone equally. Some people are probably more appealing to you than others. I'm sure there's still some effect.
Yeah I mean I'm still influenced by people looking good and so on, however when they start using obviously sexualized imagery (half-naked people in advertisements, etc) I just find it to look silly and awkward.

>Also, AVEN is pretty elitist.
In what way?

>>5827201
>"What makes us better?"
I didn't imply that we were better than sexuals, you're putting words in my mouth! I'm sorry if I seemed to imply that. I just wanted to list the bright side of being ace for the sake of, uh, irony. There are plenty of downsides obviously (which don't compensate for the bright side imo). I don't buy into that whole r9k "asexual master race" line of thinking, even if it's kinda flattering.

>Sexy advertising
The point of sexy advertising is subconsciously suggesting that if you buy ____, you'll get to bang hot chicks/dudes. I'm with >>5827223, it does look silly and awkward to me.

>Cuddles
Love them. Sadly I'm single at the moment so I have nobody to cuddle with. I broke up with my sexual boyfriend a while ago. I think I'll stick to dating fellow aces or people unable/unwilling to have sex from now on. That is, if I can find them.

>/lgbt/
Ehhh, they already hate us, but you're probably right. Shouldn't give them more ammunition.

>House of Cards
Season 4 just came out a couple days ago. It's really good so far, I just watched episode 6.

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> homophobic grandparents
> never discuss lgbt issues around them because parents are strong supporters
> few years ago, family gathering
> parents couldn't make it
> everyone else is out of the house
> lgbt shit comes up
> they say they pray every day that my bros and I never turn out gay
> couple years later, discover my own asexuality
Mfw my grandparents prayed too hard

>>5829446
I actually laughed when I read this. The picture made it even better.

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>conservative christian father
>used to make my older sisters wear dresses until my mother stop that shit
>frightened his prepubescent daughters with STD stories
>house hides the fact that half of his daughters are on birth control because he'll get pissy
>father bitches about my sister living with her fiance because they aren't married yet
>mfw his talks and praying worked too well
>mfw he starts talking about boyfriends
>mfw he starts talking about grandchildren
kek

Looking to continue dating but keep hitting a wall with sexually motivated people. Where can I meet other asexual people :3 ?

>>5830868
Most people seem to have results of online dating and being up front with being asexual.

So am I asexual when i find masturbating disgusting and never do it but still feel attracted to people and have sexual fantasies?

>>5831104
If you're sexually attracted to people, you aren't asexual, as asexual is, by definition, not being sexually attracted to people.

>>5830868
As the other anon said, either online or in person. In person is difficult because we're relatively rare and people tend to not be super open about it (because why bother?), so you'd probably have to be really open and just wait for people to reveal themselves. In other words, it probably won't happen, at least not in any nice period of time. Online is more likely to be successful, but in reality the way it's probably going to go down is that success will be unlikely. What you need to find is someone willing to accept you for who you are and that can make do.

>>5831178
>asexual is, by definition, not being sexually attracted to people.
Does fapping to ponies count?

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>>5831104
>>5831233
The only question should ask yourself is "Would I like to have sex with someone?"

If the answer is yes, you're not asexual.

It's simple as that. If you want to fuck someone, there's a high chance you aren't asexual.

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>have dream about giving a blowjob
>wake up bored and confused
It was like doing laundry but with someone coaxing you on with dirty talk.

"Show me how well you can fold those whites."

"Yeah, baby. You better add that bleach. Such a dirty girl."

>>5803902
do you masturbate for concentration/sleep easier ?

>>5833278
Some do. Some don't.

>>5833310
how do you tell the difference between autistic and asexual?

>>5833314
look at this post >>5831387

Also people can be autistic and asexual. It's not an either/or situation.

>>5833318
Would I like to have sex with someone?"

only for procreation if not then no.

>>5833328
congrats, you're probably asexual trash like the rest of us

>>5833328
I don't agree with the "would you like to have sex with someone?" question. It should be "are you sexually attracted to other people?" because there are ace folks who do have sex, and who may even enjoy sex, but that doesn't mean they're any less ace. It's whether or not you're sexually attracted to others. It has nothing to do with your actions.

>>5833368
I'm the anon that made up that question.
I basically dumbed down sexual attraction to simply be "Do people give you the desire to have sex with them" or to put it in even simpler terms "You wanna fuck that person?" It's easier for people to understand if you give them a basis and then ramp it up from there.

And yes, I know about aces that enjoy sex.

>>5833328
I wouldn't even go that far, myself.

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>tfw sex repulsed
>tfw you will never have a long term relationship with a qt

I've already accepted that I'm going to die single with fifty cats that would have eaten me by the time anyone notices I'm dead.

>>5837937
how does sticking your head in an oven actually kill you anyways

>>5837950
Back in the day, the gas used in ovens and such was coal gas. Coal gas has a large amount of carbon monoxide which will make someone collapse and eventually die with enough in the bloodstream.

Since most places use natural gas (which doesn't have carbon monoxide), this method of suicide doesn't work as well.

>>5837982
ohh okay, i thought like... you turned it on and tried to bake your head or something

>>5837987
Well, that could work but it would probably be very slow

>reproduction edition
I would like to adopt a child when i get older, and if i have a spouse ever.

I know you guys must get these questions all the time and get sick of it, but I genuinely don't know if I'm truly asexual or not. I have a pretty high sex drive and I fap to some sick shit, but I have no interest in actual sex myself with another person. Being forced into sexual situations makes me incredibly anxious, even if it's fake stuff (I RP and if my character is hit on by another character it gives me anxiety because I think it might lead to sex.)

I am trans and have horrible dysphoria so I don't know if it's just from that or not, or if it even matters. I mean my dysphoria is never going to go away so if it's what causes me to be asexual then it doesn't matter.

>>5838352
>I have no interest in actual sex myself with another person

Sounds like it. But as you said, it could also be your dysphoria. Next time you feel the lack of desire for sex, try to dig a bit deeper by describing your feelings to yourself and basically ask yourself "Why do I not want to?"

>>5838382
why does the reason you don't want to matter? From what I have seen, asexuals vary in the reason, either being repulsed by it or just completely uninterested.

>>5838393
Because they seem to be unsure if it's dysphoria so it's good to go more in depth in order to figure out the reason behind it.

>>5838404
But the reason doesn't really matter. I'm asexual, and I have schizoid personality disorder. One of the symptoms of SPD is to not want to have sex or be intimate with another person. That doesn't mean I'm not ace. It could be that it's the cause, or it could just be coincidence, but there's no real way to separate the two. But either way, it doesn't make me "less ace" because my asexuality might be related to another part of my life.

>>5838893
I've always been confused about if people are diagnosed SPD because they're asexual, or they have SPD and that makes them asexual...

> be me
> 5 years old
> tell parents I don't think I'll ever date/want kids
> "don't worry, you'll see someday"
> 15 years later, nope.

desu I think all I need relationship-wise (other than friends) is just someone to cuddle with

>>5838893
Brah, I'm not trying to say that you're less ace. That's an entirely different situation. I'm just focused on the other anon's' specific problem where they were going "Am I actually asexual or is it just the dysphoria?"

Simply telling them to examine their feelings doesn't make anyone else less ace. I'm just trying to help them answer their own question.

Please don't jump to conclusions or put words in my mouth. I'm way too fucking jaded for this shit.

>>5838893
Oh, and let me add that even if it was their dysphoria causing them to asexual, that doesn't mean they're not a "twue asexual" because fuck that, I'm just answering a question.

>>5803902
Serious questions
Is asexuality it's own sexual orientation or is it in addition to being gay, straight or bi? If it is it's own sexuality then are all aces technically bi because they have no gender preference?

>>5840222
It is it's own sexual orientation. However, people can still be romantically attracted to the same sex, different sex or both. There is still a gender preference.

>>5838352
Fellow asexual RPer here. What kind of stuff do you RP? What's your medium of choice?

And yeah aces can feel romantic attraction, although some aces are aromantic as well.

This might sound weird but does anyone else focus on feelings and emotions when looking at porn or masturbating?

>>5842926
Yep. This is why i like doujins and stuff, because they tell a story.

>>5842926
>>5843969
Once I agreed to try sexual roleplay with someone, only to not end up doing anything sexy because it wouldn't have been in-character. It wasn't to be a dick, I swear.

>>5823489
I don't see what that semantic quibble has to do with my argument. Do you disagree that child-rearing is a difficult skill? One that a huge number of parents are just plain bad at, not equipped for, or not fully interested in, which results in sub-par children? And that this set of facts goes against the common assumption that having kids is for everyone?

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>>5843969
Yeah, I can just never get into watching someone choke on a dick while they make sounds that are similar to someone gulping down a gallon of milk.

It's just not my thing

Not to mention I tend to pay more attention to the scene so I end up cringing at "lesbians" stick their long nailed fingers into delicate holes and guys fucking a chick's ass and then going to another hole.

When's the right time in a relationship to say when you're asexual?

>>5846854
Probably asap, so they can leave without feeling guilty.

>>5846854
Immediately

>>5846854
Generally I do it when things would get physical, usually somewhere between the 3-5th date. I don't tend to bring it up on the first date, as those don't work out most of the time regardless.

>>5849148
I feel like that would cause a lot of people to get angry at me for basically being a tease.

>>5849695
So let them get angry. They weren't going to date you anyway once they found out, so it's not like you have to worry about salvaging the relationship. Plus it's really fun to tease people, and it can be profitable as well.

>>5846717
And it goes on for so long. It's like, okay, I get it, they have sex.

Doujins are easier to fast-forward, but there's even less information there. Just a lot of panel-breaking extreme closeups and motion lines even though there's hardly any motion in the scene. It would be pretty funny if there were a sex scene in a doujin that was nothing but one long shot of the room and the people in it, no stereotypical tone-deaf exaggeration, just what you'd see if you were a fly on the wall staying perfectly still. It'd be so anticlimactic for the people fapping to it, but it'd actually convey much more information.

>>5833328
You don't have to have sex for that, just cum in a jar and then inseminate her.

>>5846854
Do you need to say it so that they can leave you as early as possible?

I would just, theoretically, go into a relationship and just say no when they want to have sex. If they ask, I tell them I don't want to have sex. Idk how well that works out though.

>>5849695
I don't see why it would be relevant to bring it up prior to that. A lot of people have things they don't bring up immediately because of either fear or not wanting to unload on someone they barely know, so why bring up your asexuality until you're sure that person even needs to know? What if you spend a few dates with someone and it falls apart anyway, then it doesn't matter. It's really only relevant if you think that person is going to try to seek physical intimacy with you. Not to mention, there are some people who get violent with those who mention they're ace, so talking about it right away could lead to harm. This way, you could protect yourself if you find out the person you've gone on a couple of dates with might react that way. You could just end things for another reason, say you aren't feeling it or whatever.

>>5838145
What kind of kid? I've thought it would be nice to adopt an older kid. 8-17 y/o

Maybe I'll be a foster parent.

>>5838352
IMO functionally, you are asexual right now. If your circumstances change in the future, then they change. Right now you wouldn't be happy in a sexual relationship. I think it's fine to call yourself ace for that.

>>5849695
Dates are not a contract into sex. It's a way for two people to get to know each other and see if your needs are compatible. You don't owe someone anything.

>>5846854
I personally wait until they start advancing sexually. Making sexual jokes, getting physical with me (arm around shoulder, etc) and that's when I'll bring it up.

>>5850021
Are you the same anon that everyone was calling out on their sociopathic tendencies?

>>5852570
>Dates are not a contract into sex. It's a way for two people to get to know each other and see if your needs are compatible. You don't owe someone anything.

Oh yeah, I get that. I'm just kinda worried if I'm wasting both of our times and making myself a nervous wreck as I worry about sex coming into the conversation.

>>5852608
I don't think so, but as >>5852570 points out, nobody is ever owed or entitled to sex with someone they're dating. The right to withhold consent is inviolable under any circumstances. This means that you're completely within your rights to suggest that you might fuck someone and never deliver, even if you never intended to deliver in the first place and are just being a tease to part a fool and his money. Any gifts or favors that someone gives you as you do this are yours free and clear with no obligations attached, because they're trying to buy something that cannot be bought. Their feelings don't matter compared to your rights. It's just an inevitable consequence of rules that need to be in place to ensure a just system.

so i have some desire to have sex but it seems like its more effort than its worth really

like i get kind of sick of masturbating because it takes so long for me but it feels really good at the end

also i like the the idea of it being a really romantic way of bonding with someone but not the act itself as much

what does that mean what kind of snowflake am i

>>5854429
>what king of snowflake am i
a special one

Help me out, ace friends. There's a girl that I kinda like and tonight I intend to let her know. I feel like the past few weeks she has been sending me signals, but nothing overly overt. Before now I figured I was aromantic and desu I don't know what I want from this.

Any advice? 20yr old khv btw.

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>>5855170
Just express your feelings to her, anon. It's pretty simple. Just go with the flow and see how it works out.

>>5855185
The fear of rejection and embarassment is pretty strong. Being ace is such a curse...

>>5855199
Then don't do it if you're so worried about it. You gotta do either or.

>>5855199
ignoring it like a pussy just gonna make it worse in the end anon.

>>5855199
>>5855170

That fear cuts both ways. Non-aces are like wild animals - they're usually more afraid of you than you are of them. She's likely afraid of being rejected by you if she's been flirting for weeks but not making anything clear. Use that knowledge.

>>5855405
>Non-aces are like wild animals
Okay, cut that shit out. I'm quite tired of some aces having this "holier than thou" thing with non-asexuals.

>>5855405
I reckon if she does like me she hasn't made anything obvious because I haven't done or said anything beyond being friendly. I hope tonight goes ok.

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>>5855511
>she hasn't made anything obvious because I haven't done or said anything beyond being friendly

Congrats, you just answered your own question.

>>5855443
Context, people. They're like wild animals in this one very specific sense: that it's easy to see them as scary or out to get us when mostly they just want to do their own thing, and we more often than not are just as scary to them.

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>somehow manage to be kinky and asexual
>realize I'm also sex repulsed

I'm never going to find someone I'm compatible with unless I somehow become okay with polygamy.

>>5857132
Same
What are you interested in?

>>5804519
> https://www.zeemaps.com/map?group=1764048
Reminder to all aces to put themselves on the map

>>5857302
Mostly petplay, primalplay and bondage which are pretty sexual in a lot of people's eyes. I mostly just want a qt dom I can care for while they call me good things.

Has anyone had good results with wearing an ace visibility ring?

>>5858963
Is that just a fake wedding ring to make people stop hitting on you? Because if it's some special coded thing, it won't work because even most aces don't know what it is.

Does anyone else feel adverse to wearing makeup and/or dressing better? I'm always anxious about people becoming interested just because I wanted to wear something that shows more skin because it was warmer.

>>5858963
I've had more success just drawing one on with sharpie. That way people are intrigued enough to ask what it's for.

>>5859400
That's because no one but self harmers, retards, and children draw on themselves.

>>5859090
Huh, actually it's the opposite for me. I know it's dumb but I feel like I need to look the best I can or people will think I don't have a partner because I'm ugly or have a shitty personality or something else is really wrong with me.

>>5858945
Do you want to be the pet or have the pet?
I'm really similar. I like petplay, mild ageplay, bondage. I want to be treated like a cute play thing and be tied up and told I'm a good girl. I want someone who I can admire, and who'll take care of me, and I'll do chores and stuff for them.
But I don't really want it to be all sexual.

>the possibility that you're a Dom makes me excited

>>5862125
Sorry mate, I'm a sub.

>>5862135
It's alright. It's a position that makes much much more sense for an ace.
I'd imagine that people who would be ace Doms can get their fixes elsewhere.
It's frustrating for us, huh?

But come on, there are such great emotional feelings for Doms!
>being in control
>having someone look up to you
>having a cute pet to pet


Someone love on me

>>5862618
I think a lot of asexual dominants like the visual stimuli of someone squirming around or being in control of someone iirc

There's a thread on /cgl/ at the moment talking about how tumblr aces and demis have chased people out of their own support groups and quite a few people agreeing or saying they've had the same experience. Pretty interesting considering I had that happen too.

Anyone else ever experience that? I couldn't stand all the tumblr activism and screaming at people to accept them. They'd end up taking over the communities and instead of accepting people themselves, kick out anyone which had a concern.

>>5863307
What thread on cgl?

I don't explore other ace communities desu.

With the people i have talked to, I've found some people have been critical of me because I'm a grey A. That's in the sense that I might have a semblence of a sex drive once every 3-5 months. Which means I'm not a virgin and have enjoyed sex, but that shit is not conducive to a happy relationship with a sexual.
But some people say that I shouldn't call myself any variety of ace.

But I have also see people on tumblr with ravenous sex drives, who daily fantasize about having sex with people, and these people call themselves ace. And here I am raising an eyebrow.

I guess I just don't know where the line can be drawn.

>>5863282
>>5862618
I've come to realize that I'm more of a switch than a sub, whereas I used to think I was definitely a sub. On the dom side I'd have to say most of all it's seeing the other person be happy, but there's also the control factor a bit (I like that I can do what I want with them).
I'd have to say I'm most into orgasm denial (and things related to that, like edging and ruining) and bondage.

>>5863492
Hello have you put yourself on the map

Homosexuality is nature's way of reducing our cancerous population

>>5863557
Back off with your fucking map.

Am i asexual if I jerk off to gay porn but any time I try it with a guy in real life I don't feel that horny and can't get it up?

Women don't attract me at all.

>>5863697
Sorry just trying to creep on you
I'll drop it

>>5863728
That (>>5863697) wasn't me (>>5863492) speaking, that was someone else.

Yes, I'm on the map. NJ anon.

>>5863704
Well, are you sexually attracted to the person? Or anyone? It's quite simple: if you are, you aren't asexual. If you aren't sexually attracted to anyone, you are asexual. There are plenty of people that just can't get it up but they aren't all asexual.

>>5863307
I've never really been in any lgbt groups since I still feel too shaky in my sexuality to go to one since a lot of people are going to be asking what I am and I'm worried about the place being filled with tumblrinas

>>5863307
I'd be interested to hear the stats on how many people in communities now have only joined due to hearing about asexuality on tumblr, and how many have left due to the influx. Seems rather common.

How do you feel about having people being attracted to you?

>>5868204
Confused. I often think "what did I do?" since I don't really want anyone to be attracted to me. I'm too used to rejection after telling them I'm ace which is why I don't like it.

>>5863307
Not really. I stay away from people outside of 4chan who call themselves asexual. 99% of the time they turn out to be a Tumblrtard within the first 10 minutes of meeting them.

Which is kind of a sad statement to make now that I think about it.

>>5869113
Or they're some pretentious, elitist asexual.

>>5868204
It interests me i guess. I wanna know what they liked about me. I'm aromantic, so typically i like people because of personality traits, but hearing someone tell me they liked my butt or they want to have sex with me is alarming

>>5868204
On one hand, I find it annoying if it happens. But it's not like I can do anything about it. People are free to think what they want. So as long as they don't try to flirt with me, I really don't give a shit.

Also I find it really baffling because in looks, I'm a 1/10 at best.

>>5869980
>I'm a 1/10 at best.
I find that hard to believe. 1/10 I reserve for deformity and disease. If you're kind of symmetrical I think you're fine.

>>5863307
>>5866706
>>5866917
>>5869113

Can you please tell me what the difference between a 4chan asexual and a tumblr asexual is?

>>5870122
Stereotypically?

4chan asexual:
>doesn't feel need to have a dramatic "coming out"
>aro aces have no interest in anything, annoyed by family/peers pestering them about relationships
>romantic aces cry together about being alone. Frustrated that they can't provide what sexuals want. Angsty.
>Sometimes kinky I guess
>Laid back, rolls eyes at overthinkers

Tumblr asexual:
>Actually comes out to friends/family/coworkers/strangers
>Makes sexuality weirdly specific like demisexual, lithosexual etc
>Constantly talking about how they'd "prefer cake!"
>Many of them end up to be sexual after all
>Elitist, puts down sexuals
>Uses the term 'allosexual'
That's what I've gleaned. It's a little hard to compare our little thread to all of tumblr's aces.

>>5870410
You forgot the activism shit. Tumblr aces think they're actually oppressed on the same level as other sexualities and will bully people for making fun of or questioning why demisexuality is a thing.

>>5870122
4chan asexual:
>a laid back version of /r9k/


Tumblr asexual:
>screaming about representation and oppression
>doing a whole coming out thing
>make multiple divisions and types of asexuality
>underage or very immature emotionally

It's the difference between a person who likes smoking weed and another person who wears clothes with pictures of weed and spams their instagram with sepia toned pics of their bong while screaming about making weed legal.

Would you have sex with someone for money and if so how much

>>5870616
Since I get close to being violently ill while having sex, at least 10k for half an hour.

Why would someone even want to have sex with someone who is asexual anyway? There's a high chance that due to their lack of sexual attraction, they wouldn't even have enough experience for it to be worth it.

I mean, sure, some asexuals enjoy sex but in my view, it probably still feels like a chore or a task they're doing to make the other person happy.

>>5870643
Because the asexual person in question is young and attractive. Or maybe a virgin?

>>5870661
Eh, true. I guess it's like gay dudes ogling straight dudes.

>>5870616
If I trusted the person a lot to respect me, to not murder and to stop when I tell them to, yeah, I probably would.
What are the going rates for prostitutes anyway?
I would probably give it a solid think if I was offered $300.

I've considered being a sugar baby before. Here's how I view sex: I'm not motivated to have sex and I wouldn't have it as a hobby. I have had sex and I've had orgasms. It was pretty nice but I wouldn't want to do it all the time. After a while I'd just rather sleep or do something else. It's a chore.

So my thought is, maybe if I was getting paid, then I'd be actually willing to go through with it.

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>>5870616

$1000 or so, with the caveat that it'll last like five minutes and they won't enjoy it much.

>>5871192
Yeah, time is a very important thing in this question.

>>5870616
Enough to live on for a month at least?

>>5871192
>>5871310
Wow, you guys are making me feel cheap.

>>5870410
What's wrong with coming out? And why are aro aces specific to 4chan? There are plenty of them on tumblr. There are also plenty of kinky aces on tumblr. Also, "cake" is an AVEN meme, not a tumblr one. And the aces on here seem to be just as elitist, seeing as how a lot of them seem hellbent on putting down "tumblr aces."

>>5870595
/r9k/ and asexuality have literally nothing to do with each other. Seeing as how aces have no real representation, what's wrong with trying to get some? And why not point out the oppression that aces do face? Again, coming out is fine. And so is categorising yourself. And I doubt the average age on 4chan is much higher, honestly.

It seems like you all have such a hate-on for tumblr at all times, and your view on how they see asexuality is bizarre.

>>5872286
>/r9k/ and asexuality have literally nothing to do with each other
I was mostly trying to say that we have a lot of "tfw when no gf" posts

>Seeing as how aces have no real representation, what's wrong with trying to get some?
>And why not point out the oppression that aces do face?
Nothing is wrong with that but it gets annoying when it's all you hear about. Like I said with my example, it's like hearing someone blab about something 24/7. After awhile it's "holy shit no one cares shut up and go outside"

>And so is categorising yourself.
nah, they tend to get special snowflake categories like "autochrissexual"

>And I doubt the average age on 4chan is much higher, honestly.
Nah, tumblr is open to people who are 16 and older. 4chan is open to people who are 18 and older. And I'm mostly talking about mental and emotional maturity.

>>5872286
I didn't mean to accurately portray tumblr aces, just stereotype them. I'm glad that someone spoke up, since I don't know much about them outside of the stereotypes. I am a 4channer, not a tumblrer.

I'll stand by 4chan aces not caring about oppression and representation and coming out. That doesn't mean those things are wrong or invalid. It just means, generally, we don't care to add that activism into our lives.
I don't mean to say that we're nice and perfect. But compares to other places on 4chan, this is a pretty well natured general.
We can still be hateful and rude. But I don't find it overwhelming.

Can you tell me a bit about what you've learned about oppression? I have some ideas of microaggressions and relating to my own issues of grappling with feeling "broken"
I'm curious about what comes to mind when you think "ace oppression"

We also don't tend to talk about those sorts of things cause the rest of /lgbt/ tends to get offended.

kids are alright in short periods
dont want them though
id much rather a pet dog or cat

which is quite a shame because my brother later on announced to our traditional kid-loving mom that hes not into kids either

>>5872397
The experience of tumblr is basically what you make it. If you feel like you're seeing too many politically-charged posts, maybe you aren't following enough humourous or light-hearted blogs?

Just because that's who the websites are open to doesn't mean that everyone follows the rules. And even if it was, those ages are pretty close. I'd say that the average age of both sites' users is basically the same.

>>5872554
>It just means, generally, we don't care to add that activism into our lives.

That's fair.

I definitely dealt with the similar "broken" feelings, especially as a kid. I'm nearing 30 now, so that stuff has kind of slowed down, though I'll admit I have the occasional rough day, like anyone else.

For me, as a lesbian ace, it really baffles me when a lot of the queer community says we don't experience oppression. Like, when I dated girls in high school or held hands with girls in public, it didn't matter that we weren't fucking, we still got mocked and hated on. I've still had slurs thrown at me. I've had men tell me that I just haven't "met the right guy yet." I have my parents telling me that I'll change my mind and settle down with a man one day. All of that affects me from being a woman-loving woman, regardless of if I'm a woman-fucking woman. But I've gotten similar responses from coming out as ace, too. I've had people say that I just haven't had good sex yet, and I've had people throw rape threats at me, saying I just need to be corrected. I've had people tell me I'll change my mind about it, similar to how my parents think I'll stop being gay. Along with that, I've had other lesbians tell me that I'm not ACTUALLY a lesbian, but a straight girl pretending to be one, because if I was a lesbian, I'd want to sleep with women. And going back to the "broken" feeling, while I knew that gay people existed during my high school sex ed classes, at no point was it ever mentioned that not wanting to have sex was a perfectly normal feeling.

Can asexuals still physically enjoy sex with their partner? Is it rude to expect an asexual partner should be willing to have sex once in a while?

Compromising is the key to all relationships...

>>5873214
Most don't. And yes, it's rude.

It bothers me when people say relationships are about compromise. They aren't. Relationships are about COMPATIBILITY. Most people have a range when it comes to how often they'd like to have sex, and then two people generally find an amount that falls into both of their spectrums. But when someone's spectrum is 0, expecting anything from them isn't fair.

>>5873214
Why should the ace be the one who has to compromise? You could compromise with the ace by having no sex.

>>5872910
If the mom has a problem with that, she can adopt a kid if she wants one so bad. And if she can't take care of a kid, she should see why it's unfair to expect someone else to go through all the trouble of raising a kid just because she told them to.

>>5873532
oh she accepts it of course (but still hopes we change our mind)
but having kids and shit are really important to the masses, it must be a real downer

Only two of the options apply to most of you folks, I imagine, the ones concerning Ace people. But posting this everywhere 'cause it should be interesting.

http://strawpoll.me/7088439
http://strawpoll.me/7088439
http://strawpoll.me/7088439

(cis here means as in being comfortable with your birth sex, e.g. mtf -> cis would be mtf to cis male)

>>5873646
>cis here means as in being comfortable with your birth sex
then does one chose the other if they arent comfortable with their sex and dont identify as a certain gender?

>>5873676
If you're 'agender' or whatever but wish you were comfortable with your birth sex, choose "Tumblr meme gender AMAB (YES)" or "Tumblr meme gender AFAB (YES)" depending on whether you were assigned male at birth, or female. if you feel like it'd be giving up part of who you are or whatever and wouldn't take the hypothetical pill to make you comfortable with the gender you're expected to have, choose the (NO) option instead.

>>5873694
>agender
frankly i dont know what i am and dont care enough to think about it much but sure ill go with that

>>5872931
I tried to follow light hearted blogs and that, but every single one of them turned into social justice platforms. Wasn't good for my mental health to stay on there.

>>5872931
You were bring shunned for your homoromantic tendencies, not being ace. Aces get uncomfortable comments regarding their sex lives, but everyone gets those - especially virgins.

>>5873784
iktf. tumblr is a clique-y mess. good for you.

>>5872931
>The experience of tumblr is basically what you make it. If you feel like you're seeing too many politically-charged posts, maybe you aren't following enough humourous or light-hearted blogs?

Dude, I know how tumblr works. I'm just doing stereotypes. And just because I don't follow a thing doesn't mean it doesn't exists. Same thing with reddit and its redpilling and pedo subreddits.

>>5873240
>>5873509

Every week I go to a liberal church with my ace gf because she wants me to. I don't really mind, I enjoy spending time with her anyway even if church is absolutely not my thing.

It just bothers me a bit that I am willing to spend hours doing something I generally dislike if not for her every week, but it's not appropriate for me to want to have sex once a week.

>>5840222
it's an addition. a sexual orientation is what sexes you're attracted to. asexuality is whether you want sex or not. i guess you could say asexuality is a true sexuality but not an orientation, but no one uses "sexuality" like that anymore.

there are a lot of people who will say asexuality is an orientation but those people will also say stuff like "-sexual is who you bang" and think "-romantic" labels are necessary language. theyre also younger people who have a poor concept of gay history, so its possible this language will change permanently.

i mostly just stay out of the arguments. but knowing history is always beneficial.

>get on okc
>decide to use the asexual filter
>0 nearby results
>o-ok
>deselects ace filter, selects "doesn't have kids" and "doesn't want kids"
>0 nearby results

cmon man two of the most useful okc questions and people dont even fill them out. or i just live in redneckville. people have been running out of this town for a while so should i really be surprised...

>>5873961
>i really dont mind
>actually it bothers me

you need to sort this out first. if you really dont like going then you need to bring it up, or set up a trade. literally be diplomatic. see if she would be willing to trade sex dor anything. keep in mind tho, having sex when you don't want it can do nasty things to your psyche, and ace people are prone to agree to sex even when they dont think its a fair compromise cause fear of being rejected.

in general tho yes it is unfair to ask sex from an ace person. they told you they were ace from a reason. if this is a dealbreaker you two are incompatible.

>>5874011
I'd consider asexuality to still be an orientation, since "sexes/genders you're sexually attracted to" = none.

>>5873961
I'd say that there is a huge difference between sitting through a boring church service, and getting a meat popsicle repeatedly slammed into an orfice.

For three years, I had sex for the sake of a relationship. I'm grey-A so I even enjoyed it sometimes.
But when I really am not feeling up for it, it makes my skin crawl. It felt like a predator coming after me and my fear instincts kicked in. I tried to repress that, and I tried self soothing techniques, and we tried him very slowly escalating, we tried being quick and exciting, we tried fetishes, we tried vanilla, we tried toys, we tried a lot of foreplay. We did this for three years!
But despite our efforts, oftentimes afterwards, behind my feeling of success for being a good girlfriend, I felt violated. I was relieved it was over.
And I'm expected to keep up this ritual every week for the rest of my life? I was barely hanging on with the every other week, sometimes monthly, thing we were doing.
Of course he was unhappy with it. It contributed a lot to our break up.
We settled on a routine of a mixture of him masturbating and me giving him a blowjob. It was less bad than full blown sex, but my goal was always to get him off as soon as possible.

Let me compare this to your church thing again. With compromise, you must consider if someone isn't doing something because they just don't want to, or if it's because they are uncomfortable with it.

If you were really skeved out by religion, I would say it's unfair to make you sit through a service where you feel uncomfortable.
I was an outgoing person and my ex was uncomfortable with crowds. So I didn't ask him to join me with a large group of friends unless he was comfortable with the idea. It would be unfair to ask him that.

Your girlfriend isn't withholding sex because she's trying to get back at you. It isn't because she doesn't love you. It isn't because she thinks you're ugly. It isn't your fault.
She's just asexual.

>>5874011
>there are a lot of people who will say asexuality is an orientation but those people will also say stuff like "-sexual is who you bang" and think "-romantic" labels are necessary language
In your opinion, how should it be said? What would you call someone who doesn't want sex but still wants romantic relationships?

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Hey, /acegen/ I've been spending the last few days reading about Demisexuality and Grey sexuality.

I've always had a low desire for sex, but didn't think there was something recently until a bi friend put me in this direction.
I enjoy the company of almost exclusively women romantically and 'sensually' or like exploring each others bodies, during which I would reasonably often become aroused, but that arousal would often become inconsistent/unstable if the question of penetritive sex would come up. I like to cuddle and touch, but I am largely indifferent to most sex in that it is fun, but I don't distinguish it pleasure-wise from masturbation except in the very most enjoyable of circumstances.

I've only been in proper love once, and I did experience a distinct 'rightness' to having sex with that women and actively sought sex acts that weren't exclusively about pleasuring myself such as preforming oral and receiving sex. Neither of which I particularly enjoy under normal circumstances.

So am I wasting my time or do you think I should keep investigating? It's previously occasionally been troublesome in relationships that my arousal seems to be something I'm disconnected with.

>>5873793
Read the part where I explicitly stated what has happened to me because I'm ace, not because I'm a lesbian.

>>5875268
>Demisexuality and Grey sexuality.
>>>/tumblr/

>>5875268
>It's previously occasionally been troublesome in relationships that my arousal seems to be something I'm disconnected with.
As a fellow grey asexual, I relate a lot with what you're saying.
I wonder if you'd be happier in a relationship with an asexual, since there wouldn't be that pressure to have sex all the time.
There's some confusion around asexuality versus sex drive, but my own view is on practicality. You're trying to communicate easily what a potential partners can expect from a relationship with you.

>>5875408
I wonder too, but I wonder if they'd feel comfortable about actually relieving myself if I become aroused, even if their involvment is optional and more a comfort/bonding exercise than a desire to preform sex acts with them, obviously a person-person thing.

I think this is the frustrating part about trying to figure myself out by the way. For example, I enjoy masturbating with/on a partner to be seen and make them feel appreciated, etc etc but the actual thought of getting say a blowjob off them at best makes me feel grateful for the attention and at worst depressed that I'm not enjoying it beyond trying to make it seem more kinky in my head by imbuing it with meanings that aren't there or enjoying only the friction.

Sorry for venting at the only constructive reply. It's been a weird, often-sleepless few days.

>>5875268
I'm curious, where are you from?

>>5875474
Ireland.

>>5875456
Quite a few asexuals- especially men- do and need to masturbate. We had an ace guy come in and tell us about how he hasn't masturbated for five months and felt a lot of pain. His doctor recommended to masturbate regularly (I think once a week? Every 2-3 weeks?)

Some asexuals are put off by any sexuality. Personally I'd be fine with you masturbating, especially since I wouldn't have to be involved.

>>5875456
This is basically the level of intimacy I'm fine with in relationships, so hopefully one day we end up bumping into each other in a coffee shop.

>>5875514
>>5875535
Thanks to you both. I think I'm one step closer to understanding and better yet, knowing what I might want and have expected of me in an ace/grey relationship.

>>5875553
Of course. This general is slow. This kind of stuff is fun to work out when we don't already have a conversation going.
I agree that you sound like the type I'd want to run into.
If you want to discuss it any more, I'd be willing to hear you out.

>>5875622
Well, I'll take you up on that. How, if at all does it affect the relationship if I enjoy rolling around with a partner? Especially if I become aroused? The intimacy and comfort associated with that means that the lines between that and sexual acts are blurred to me, particularly because I've never had experience with anyone who'd be comfortable if I just hopped out of bed (or stayed in with my partner, depending on their feelings on the matter), knocked one out and then went to cuddling.

>>5875639
If it helps, I don't mind if you think this would make it unlikely I'm Grey-A or Demi. I'm here to learn after all.
Sorry, I'm just not that aware of board etiquette so I'm just going to make the post all the same in case I offended.

>>5875639
Alright, so lemme make sure I've got this right
>you and partner cuddling
>you get a boner
>you roll over, masturbate
>roll back, continue cuddling

Have I got this right?

I can tell you how I'd react. To give you some of my history, I'm this anon >>5874201

So I have had sex before and been in a sexual relationship. So my perspective is painted by that.

My first reaction would be concern and hesitation. My experience has been that if a boner arises, there will soon be hands on me and requests for me to so something about the boner.
But if you didn't have those requests, I wouldn't have to be worried about that.
I've laid to the side as my ex jerked off plenty of times. That always had a twinge of guilt though, since I knew he wanted more than that.
I won't pretend that I wouldn't be a little relieved when you're done, since I would be able to get back to the cuddling. But I would be happy that you'd be able to feel good. I'm not going to be upset and roll my eyes or anything.
It's interesting, because for me, cuddling doesn't turn me on. What I get is a feeling of deep contentment. I get very relaxed. Which I find funny compared to arousal, since arousal is all about a quickened heartbeat.

>>5875843
Grey A is a big umbrella term. I'm personally not offended if you use it, but everyone has their own definitions.
I wouldn't really call you demisexual, from the information you've given us. Since that concept is that they aren't attracted to anyone unless they have an emotional bond. Meaning they don't oggle attractive people and will not experience arousal unless certain emotional criteria are met.

>>5875960
So the situation for me goes like this, assuming partner is someone I like at least enough to be happy to date them in the short tern and all the investment associated. If this assumption doesn't hold, this could happen rarely but would not be the norm.
>Partner and I are making out (feeling up or not) or cuddeling
>Physical stimulation of friction, warm feelings of contact and acceptance and other junk arouses me and I get a boner a good deal of the time.
>If aroused, I am often happy to do what partner desires outside of sex, the exception has a lot to do with the fact moving onto a sex act can break the arousal. Sometimes it can help, but this is dependant on my attachment to them.
>If my affection is particularly strong there is no hesitation (though obviously this is, like the other examples dependant on the other's desires or lack thereof)
>Assuming that I'm aroused and their not, I'll relieve myself by whatever method seems most appropriate given my partner which can include excusing myself to the bathroom, staying in bed but servicing myself, allowing them to service me or otherwise involving them in the process.
>>5876005
That's fair. My reasoning is twofold. Understanding my own sexual ticks and frequent lack thereof and being able to communicate to a partner of varying persuasions why I may do certain things or not (though again, maybe obvious)

>>5876035
Hm, that does sound kind of demisexual.
I don't tend to use the term. I prefer grey A. Demisexual I would find to be an issue since I wouldn't want people to think that if they earn enough emotion points, that I'd be attracted. Or the issue of a partner feeling bad for not being close enough yet.

You're an interesting case though, anon!

>>5876214
I think the part that's really throwing me is that I can kiss someone sideways, have fun talking dirty enjoy getting naked and physically touching others, particularly breasts, neck , doubly so when there's a bond. I typically get aroused doing this but as soon as anything heavier such as digital, oral or penetrative (either partner's direction) is brought in, it's a coin toss. Even then I rarely get much out of it outside of literally cumming from working myself up through friction or focusing on individual aspects of the person I liked. Many of the times I've had sex outside of well founded relationships required me to basically talk myself back into arousal and then fuck them. The main exceptions involved being deeply in love/infatuated with one woman in particular with whom I practically couldn't stop myself eating her out and riding.

So that initial part throws me, especially since kissing someone's breasts would normally be considered a very sexual act and would buck the traditional definition, but asides from that it seems to fit. I'm not sure if that's silly or not, but I feel like I'm on the cusp of figuring out something about myself, even if I come out of this not nessisarily identifying as Demi or Grey.

>>5876274
Dammit you're inadvertantly making me have my own self realizations.
>cumming from working myself up through friction
This is how I've always come to orgasm. Since for being a girl, arousal isn't very important for sex. I wasn't relating to you. But suddenly when I relate it to my masturbation, it completely clicks.
When I masturbate, I have to focus completely on the sensation of the vibrator or else I'll lose the arousal. I can't watch porn or even fantasize.

I relate with your exception too. I had a guy I was infatuated with since high school. We met up and the excitement of my fantasy coming true actually made me aroused while just together. It was so weird! I normally am never aroused unless stimulated.
Even after sleeping with him once, that sort of wore off. I slept with him twice after that and it wasn't the same.
I've never had a moment like that before and never again since.

I suppose this is my long winded way of saying you're not alone.

>>5876432
Well if I helped, inadvertently or not, I'm glad I helped you out.

Thanks for being there by the way, even if it's on the other side of a screen. 4chan can be such a shit place, it's nice to be reminded that some pockets can be really supportive and cool. All the Anons talking tonight, including you really made a difference in how I plan to approach sexuality with people in the future.

>>5876432
>>5876471
now kiss~

>>5876471
You're welcome! Sexuality is so strange and convoluted. It's really hard to tell sometimes what is normal and what is not. Come around any time.

>>5876480
;)

>tfw I hate kissing

>>5875639
>>5876035
>>5876274
>>5876471
This is >>5875535, and I have to say that honestly, how you react to cuddling/stimuli is very similar to how I react. I love kissing and making out. I love holding a partner and just feeling safe and content with them. And this often makes me very aroused. Generally, I don't really want involvement from someone else, but sometimes I'm okay with them rubbing me (never penetration, though), and I might be okay with the right person going down on me. But honestly, my ideal relationship would be one where I could just touch myself, and if they were in the mood, they could touch themselves, too, with a bit of interaction from the other person, like some butt squeezing or playing with nipples or some neck biting while we continue to make out.

Hopefully one day we both get to be in semi-sexual relationships that make us happy.

>>5876628
Man, this sounds 100% what I'm aiming for, both in myself and in a partner.

I really do hope we do, but I have to admit, I'll be keeping my eye out in my local coffee shop ;)

>>5876628
Totally different anon but your post filled me with warmth haha. Seriously though it's the first time I've understood exactly what I want sexually from a relationship :)

>>5876844
>>5876671
>>5876628
Aww! I'm the femanon who was blathering here >>5876432 >>5875960
And it feels so special having the handful of us greys around!

There's a reason why people refer to "the grey area" as ambiguous and confusing. If we were just fully ace or fully sexual, it would be easier, huh?

I'm glad to hear from other people. I don't always feel fully comfortably in asexual spaces nor sexual spaces. This makes me feel better.

>Be me
>Hypersexual kid who watched porn at 7
>Sometimes get excited at men but mostly women
>Has never had a crush in years
>Gets attracted by personality
>Always wondered why it never went up thinking of women or men(unless you whack it)
>Hears a rumour that some girl likes him
>Suddenly get strong feelings of love and lust over her (I didn't even notice her before)
>Think about her everyday
>Never confronted her
>Now in University
>Got over the 'crush' over her
What is this
I did read about demisexuality and it was very accurate so in still researching
Any clues

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>family and strangers ask me about dating and who I like
>if I say I'm asexual, I'll have to go through the entire explanation spiel and still deal with the same shit combined with "You'll grow out of it" and "Maybe you haven't met the right person"
>If I don't say anything, they'll probably assume I'm a closeted gay

what do

>>5878688
I'm a little confused. Are you worried about not getting turned on by people unless you are jerking off? You're not interested unless they are?

Have your concerns become a problem in your romantic life? Either by being distressed that you haven't had the desire to seek relationships? Or by being in a romantic relationship but you were unable to have sex?

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>>5878850
Tell them pic related.

In all seriousness, say, "I'm not interested in that. I'm enjoying my life the way it is."

Or are you not aromantic? Is the issue you avoiding relationships because them inevitably asking for sex?

>>5878892
>In all seriousness, say, "I'm not interested in that. I'm enjoying my life the way it is."
That would just end with them saying the usual "b-but romance = happiness..."

>Or are you not aromantic? Is the issue you avoiding relationships because them inevitably asking for sex?
Basically the the second one. I'm romantically attracted to people but I know that those people want and enjoy sex. So I just sit in my corner while I look at the pretty people I want to hold hands with.

hearing people here describe how they deal with intimacy and arousal makes me so happy ahhhhh. literally what I wanted out of my last partner. I NEED MORE OF YOU NEAR ME WHERE YALL AT

>>5874205
someone who is ace, and then whatever their orientation is if necessary

>>5878910
I'd hold your hand for 50 dollars, I'll look in your eyes for a hundred. I'm totally free of skin disease, and I have a great sense of humor.

>>5878993
no thnx m8

>>5878860
Exactly its like I don't care unless someone cares and sometimes I feel like there's no point in having sex if none cares about me

>>5878993
Perhaps say you like being single?
You could just lie and say you have someone in mind. After my last breakup my old man kept asking myself about who I broke up her to be with, I lied and told him I had my sights on someone, later told him it didn't work out. No big deal, saves an explanation, particularly if for whatever circumstance it isn't feasible to 'come out' and explain to them about how you don't really like stuff like this.

>>5879000
Not the anon you're speaking to. And I'm not saying you're nessisarily not demi or grey, but it sounds like you're making a connection between sex and intimacy that you don't necessarily relate to but you assume others make? Unless I'm misunderstanding you?
How does the situation shift if they care but say, wouldn't want sex?
Part of me thinks there might be some stuff to separate like why you feel so strongly about people who have feelings for you and why you feel the way you do about sex. It could be connected or could be not.
Broadly though, it sounds reasonably Gray-A, but how have you reacted to previous partners or the prospect of them?

>>5879055
I've never had any previous partners
I was pretty religious due to my family until I got out of it
It's complicated with me sometimes I feel I don't need to be on a relationship, while on the other hand I feel it would make me happier (not that I'm depressed or anything)
And I'm really confused

>>5879079
That's fair, and for my part, as soon as I posted I realised I bombarded you with questions in a way that was a little unfair.
Well, first things first, probably best to find someone you could want to have a relationship with before you get into one, since it could be distressing otherwise for both parties. You could be demiromantic, but for the record, I'm not and I don't know anyone who is, so pinch=salt and do your research for the nitty gritty of what it means to be one.

(I'm not sure how you feel about sex with people irl, but you've left it ambiguous so I'll drop this here just in case it helps)I'd be pretty confused too. It may be constructive to try and establish if you want to have sex with people in the flesh, porn and imagination are a poor indicator of sexual orientation. For example, I'm typically hetero romantic, but would happily masturbate to male friends. And bear in mind that you could have different romantic and sexual orientations, so don't torture yourself if they don't line up.

When in doubt, Grey-A isn't a bad identity to adopt until you get more time to establish who you identify as.

>>5879114
Thanks identifying as something makes me more comfortable
To be honest I don't feel there is anyone for me and am sometimes okay with the fact of being alone
Is this correct

>>5878916
"Grey is okay!!"
I'm enjoying this a lot too.
>someone who is ace, and then whatever their orientation is if necessary
So saying "asexual bisexual"?
What about people who like to say stuff like that they're bisexual and homoromantic? Or people who identify as aromantic?

>>5879169
Why don't you feel like you won't find anyone? All us aces in here have all our varying standards for intimacy. The standard laypeople don't tend to discuss this much. You could have aces around you and you wouldn't even know.

>>5879169
If I'm completely honest I'm not sure. While I've absoloutly spent sleepless nights kicking myself about not wanting to fuck various partners deep down over the years, I've never had too much issue finding out if I liked someone.
On the other hand, the definitions say that a demiromantic is someone who only forms romantic feels after an emotional bond forms.
I also realised that gray romantic is a thing as well (I'm new, sorry,) which can include; Experience romantic attraction but not very often, Experience romantic attraction, but not desire romantic relationships, Desire relationships which are not quite platonic and not quite romantic.
As to what exactly you feel and will eventually identify as, I cannot say, but these concepts may be good starting points.

>>5879202
>Why don't you feel like you won't find anyone? I don't know maybe I'm naturally pessimistic
And I have yet to know what I really want anyway thanks

>>5879231
So in the end I need to find out who I am
That's gonna be tough

>>5879028
>Perhaps say you like being single?
Nope, won't work.

>You could just lie and say you have someone in mind.
I'll get questions and probably have people trying to set me up with them. And if I don't tell them, they'll probably think I'm gay and don't want to tell them about my gay lover.

>>5879293
Kind of, no-one can tell you who you are, but /acegen/ has always been friendly to me when I've been stressed, and I'm happy to return the favour to you and hear you out if you want to ask questions/vent frustrations/other

>>5879297
Well, it sounds like your friends and family take an unhealthy interest in your love life in that case. Perhaps an evasive 'just got rejected, on the rebound, want time to think' could buy time until you find a more permanent solution?

I do think you might be stuck with an answer that causes a misunderstanding though, whether they thing you're being abrasive and evasive or them assuming you're gay.

>>5879316
Anon you have my humblest gratitude

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>>5879339
Nah, they just want me to be happy. And being happy to them means being in a relationship with someone.
I'm mostly terrified of going to a party and having someone try to set me up with someone and I'm going to have to bring my "future lover" to a corner and explain how it's now going to work in detail to them

>>5879365
There's always something to be said for 'meeting for coffee' which is like the least hardcore date ever. No-one worth thinking much of is going to bat an eyelid at you not wanting to kiss/more a stranger at a party, but you can always invite them to coffee if you like them romantically and explain then what you want/dont from this. If they make a scene, they're the asshole and have embarrised themselves, if they decline, that's just luck of the draw, but they might be cool with it. And it sounds to me that you mightn't be opposed if they were? I could be stepping over the line though, if I am apologies.

>>5879403
Trust me, you aren't. The main problem all this stuff revolves around is that I'm an asexual kinkster which are both strange on their own to the common eye.

I just don't like telling people about those sides of me because I try to keep a normal facade outside. If I have to explain to people what I want and/or don't want in a relationship, it changes their view of me and they'll probably tell other people because their friends and such will ask how it went with me.

Then I'll have people looking at me differently in a way I never wanted and probably more drama and questions to deal with.

I already have a father asking for grandchildren and a mother that wants me to gain weight. I'll probably have a dad shooting bible verses at me and my mother thinking that more things are wrong with me mentally.

>>5879464
Well, I think you sound hella cool, but that doesn't help.

You do have a bit of a problem on your hands though if you can't trust your friends with such personal info told in confidence. Perhaps looking for fellow asexuals to date online like on a dating site or forums may bear fruit? If you have a partner who you want to be with, understands you're ace solves the issue and may even be fun right?

The bit about parents sounds more typical than you'd think though. Even though I've never had to wrestle parents about sexual orientation, the nagging about similar things happens regardless. I don't know what age you are, but perhaps a subtle and as-polite-as-you-can reminder that you're a grown woman and you can make your own partnering decisions and will do when you find the right person may help? If breached successfully, they might get a new understanding of how you approach relationships, even if they don't know why you do. If not, it certainly says more about them than you.

If these don't work, there's always running away from your problems. I regularly dream of running away to the UK to hide from family members asking when I'm going to start acting like a real adult.

>>5879531
Yeah, I mostly like to imagine of living in a studio with a job with one or two pets and not having to deal with stuff like this.

>>5879557
Someday, we'll both achieve our dreams of isolation from people who care about us but are silly about it.

>>5879028
>After my last breakup my old man kept asking myself about who I broke up her to be with
What the fuck? This is not normal. It isn't healthy behavior to constantly be jumping from relationship to relationship. Normal people break up for other reasons all the time. Your family is hyperfocused on relationships. Tell them you find your happiness elsewhere. It doesn't even matter if you're ace or not, it's a matter of respect. Yeah they might think its what's right for you, but in the end it's your life and they need to be respectful about what they say to you.

What if you were a teacher and they were constantly whining about why you weren't a doctor? Yeah, they might think they know best, but that would be rude and uncalled for. This is no different.

>>5879992
Well, I was horribly depressed at the time, especially since I didn't think of myself as Grey-A yet, and couldn't understand why my arousal and therefore sex was so inconsistent.

This coupled with the fact that he kinda seems to wish I was a bit of a ladys man and a cheeky rouge means that he often trys to coax such things out of me. And in general he puts his foot in it a lot trying to be supportive. I try to humour him when I can, he got me work when I could barely get out of bed, so I am grateful.

Is a really good father who can also be grievously insensitive. I like him on the whole.

>>5880267
>This coupled with the fact that he kinda seems to wish I was a bit of a ladys man and a cheeky rouge means that he often trys to coax such things out of me.

Yeah, I feel like a lot of people wish that their loved ones were a certain way and that causes a lot of these questions and insistence. It doesn't also help and being in a relationship is seen as normal.

Everyone on tv has a boy/girlfriend. There are advertising centered around making your SO happy or obtaining an SO (makeup, weight loss, hair, etc).

And the people who don't have an SO have better lives when they suddenly obtain one.

>>5875514
Me too
If you can masturbate everyday what's the point in having sex?