Need some serious advice, please. I'm a woman, and my boyfriend feels very strongly that he was meant to be a woman. A lesbian. No one knows this about him aside from myself. I am 100% okay with this, but he's never acted upon any of his desires (dressing in women's clothes, etc) out of shame, which I'm helping him to overcome. That's the easier part though. He isn't open to surgery at this point in time, and may never be. Okay, now to my question: What are some things I can do or ways that I can treat him during sex to make him feel more like he is a woman? I've asked him many times what I can do, and he says he just doesn't know. I love him so much and I just want to make him feel as good and whole as I possibly can. Thank you all very much in advance!!
>>5759660
Let me get this off my chest first, you sound like an absolute angel.
Now then, every person feels dysphoria differently. What makes him feel uncomfortable or comfortable could vary wildly with what makes transitioned lesbian transgirls tick. Personally, I could not use my penis at all without wanting to throw up. I doubt you're having that problem if you're asking us what you can do to make it better. You taking the lead during sex might help, it might not. There's really no way for us to know. My only recommendation is that you should treat him as you might if he really was a woman, through and through. See if that works out.
>>5759682
Thank you very much for responding! You are correct about him being able to use his penis, and while he does climax, there still isn't real satisfaction, if that makes sense. This experience is very new for both of us, and I think we are both a little confused about what to do. But I am most definitely going to try taking the lead and treating him like the beautiful woman I know he is inside. That sounds like the perfect first step, and I feel a little silly that I didn't think of it. This will probably open the door for finding what really makes him feel amazing. I appreciate your response more than you can know!
Have you started hormone therapy? That should should be number one on your minds before surgery.
>>5759660
You sound nice.
Most everything you are going to try to do, to make him feel feminine, will make him feel humiliated. He will have to have a powerful dedication to role-play otherwise.
Just focus on letting him explore your lower bits, because he's very curious. Explain which parts feel best, and what speed feels best, and when, etc etc.
Try toys, on both of you.
...
More importantly, keep him in check with drinking, he'll probably try to drink for the wrong reasons.
Good luck, and again it's his journey, just be supportive (and maybe buy some lingerie)
>>5759760
We talked about it. He says he doesn't want to do it. The hormones or the surgery. I figure he will change his mind, maybe not. Right now he's in acceptance mode because he's kept it a secret his whole life and has just recently shared it for the first time. We will make sure to keep this in mind, though, if plans should change! Thank you for responding!!
>>5759999
what makes him even think he's a woman if he doesn't want a females body and (given how open minded you seem) doesn't seem to want to be adressed as a woman?
>>5759782
Thanks for your response! How will I make him feel humiliated? I'm not being rude I'm just very ignorant of these things, that's why I'm here. He doesn't drink. I mean, maybe a few beers every couple of months. We are very open with each other about everything. He told me these things. He told me how he wants to feel. And we have a few toys for him. Are there any that you would recommend? Also, I'm pretty sure he learns at least one new thing about the vagina every day. :) Like I said, we aren't shy around each other. This is just new. Again, thanks for the help!
>>5759660
strap-on fuck him in the ass, remember enema, stretching his hole very slowly & enough lube
>>5760015
He does want a female's body. Where we live, this is something highly unacceptable. He loves and respects his parents so much, and they would disown him, and he doesn't want that. He also said he's done a lot of research into the surgeries, and doesn't like the way they are done. Apparently, scientists are working on, for lack of a better term, growing fully functional, more realistic vaginas. Two of the things in our future plans are two move away, and wait on them to perfect that surgery.
>>5760015
Oh, and about calling him "she." I try to keep myself in the habit of not doing that because of where we live and the people who would have a breakdown over it. That kind of thing is reserved for sex. This was at his request.
>>5760034
ah, okay. but he is aware of the fact that hormone replacement therapy will make him female-like, not the surgery, right? and that the longer he waits the worse the outcome will be? also that age plays a big role in the outcome of any surgery as your ability to recover and heal properly will get worse and worse with every year?
>>5760046
that's a good reason.
>>5759682
>My only recommendation is that you should treat him as you might if he really was a woman, through and through. See if that works out.
When I was pre-anything and I was still in denial about transitioning itself(But still felt I wished to be a girl.), me and my ex girlfriend were in the same scenario. Anyways I thought I should mention when my ex tried this, it didn't really work out as it felt wrong, as I was fairly manly physically back then.
I personally couldn't take a more "female" role in bed until I was a fair bit in on my HRT.
However, you should help him(her) learning about this stuff, i.e. what HRT does, that you do not have to get surgery, and such.. This gallery of mostly Anons will help you both understand what HRT alone does http://imgur.com/a/qWpxv (It's also pretty inspiring.)
For me, all of this was -very- intimidating, thought of surgery & HRT, starting the legal process, coming out to my family and friends, hence why I didn't delve into it before I just hit 20, however I can say this is the best thing I've ever done in my life and I feel great now, my body feels like my own.
>>5760034
While surgery is no go for now, why not consider HRT? It is crucial to start it as early as possible to increase the chances of having the looks you wish to have. (S)he doesn't have to come out to her their family, many transgirls are on HRT and keep it secret from their parents till they're secure themselves. When it's someone like their parents, they will have a hard time noticing the differences, as I imagine they see them often. (I.e. my brother I still live at home with, didn't realize how much I feminized until my cousin who hadn't seen me for 10 months had their mind blown on how different I looked.)
The effects of HRT on the body are fairy to hide, I'm fairly curvy, yet a lot slimmer than what I used to be, and I got some boobs, but if I wear baggy clothing, no one notices the difference to my body.
>>5760032
We've been working on the stretching, haven't gotten to that point yet. We are working on it. Thanks for responding.
>>5760050
I don't know if he is aware, but I do know the reason he isn't doing it is because of his family. We have talked about it. He is ashamed and I hate that. I'm the only support that he has in this other than online. It makes me sad.
>>5760058
Thank you so much for responding! I will be sure and bring this up.
>>5760058
>on people close to you missing what's in plain sight
This is more likely than you'd think. My friends and family (who weren't in the know) spent a long time admiring how much I was working out based on my "amazing pectorals" when I was not doing a very thorough job of hiding breast development. Seems my dad had a little freak-out when I explained that to him - whoops. Anyway, a little work disguising and no one not in the know will realize what's going on for a long while.
Hopefully we're doing a good enough job conveying that your husband's family doesn't need to know, and almost certainly won't discover (if he skips pool/beach parties), that he's on hormones, even if he is taking them.
>>5760102
Thank you so much for the response! I'm sure it's probably different for everyone, but can you tell me about how long it takes before it's really not able to be hidden anymore? We have plans to move in about 2 years, and it won't be nearly as big of an issue then.
>>5760129
Usually, breast growth is very mild within the first 6-12 months. It's almost inevitable to get little bumps below the nipple (breast buds) within the first 3 or so weeks, and then slow growth beyond that. Once they do start growing in substantially (again, usually 6-12 months in), baggy and/or thick tops, and a sports bra (possibly assisted by an undershirt or two) will be a real help once this happens. By 18-24 months, much of the growth that will happen will have happened (the next year after should see some filling out, and then slow growth for several years after). In most cases, that means less-full B cups, which are still easily concealed given many trans women have a wider chest across which to squash their boobs. A more voluminous article of outerwear (jacket, hoodie, etc...) might become essential if his chest is blessedly narrow.
That's normal. Normal growth is not guaranteed, and there are a few things to do if they're growing in too quickly. As femgen has demonstrated well, breast growth is restricted by a calorie deficit. So diet alone can slow things down substantially. If that's not enough/impractical, he could look into a 'binder' - a garment normally worn by trans men to flatten their figure until they can get their breasts removed. They're uncomfortable, painful, and hurt breast growth, so should not be considered unless other methods don't work.
>>5760129
You can consider this. HRT consists of both testosterone blockers and estrogen. For the first year, (s)he can be on just testosterone blockers, as the changes are little, it'll be easier to hide. However the benefit of this is that it will stop any further masculinizing, then they can do start on estrogen as well for the last year, that'll give them just one year to feminize while still around their parents, and it will be very easy to hide.
However remember, mileage will always vary. Some transgirls get results really quickly, some get them slowly. They could be on a full normal dosage of both HRT and E for 2 years, and have the same changes someone who were just on them for a year had.
Do look at the imgur gallery I linked earlier. What will make you be figured out by your peers is how you present yourself. So the trick is to wear baggy/masculine clothing, keep hair short or even keeping your beard, don't assume a feminine pose and the like. These are just examples, but to explain it short: Try to not be too girly around those that you don't want to figure it out.
>>5759660
Don't listen to these trannies, they all want EVERYONE to go for their transitioning meme
It honestly sounds like your man has had his self expression repressed for a while now. Do not start with any HRT at all. Start by just doing feminizing stuff with him like shaving his legs, forcing him to wear panties instead of normal underwear
Oh and if he feels humiliated while you're doing that during sex or whatever, just go for the Dom role and make it enjoyable for him, cause believe me if I had a girl that would willingly cater to my feminizing kink(s), I would love her forever
Also, DO NOT FUCKING START HRT. Repressed crossdressing or feminizing feelings can feel like that would be gender dysphoria, and if he hasn't expressed that at all, of course it would feel like he was meant to be a woman.
Repressed emotions fuck you up. You don't learn how to ride a horse on a wild bronco, you start with a gentle pony
>>5760187
Nice projecting Anon.
>>5759660
My ex would take the big-spoon position and wrap her arms and legs around me. Then she'd play with my hair and kiss my ears. It was like hours of melting.
We also found that I couldn't really be enthusiastic about sex if I had to "be the guy". I'd just be going through the motions. So, she would be more aggressive and it was like a light switch. If she grabbed me and started kissing my neck, I'd go from getting bored to completely turned on instantly.
As far as strapons, like someone mentioned. Personally, I haven't felt like anal was that great. Maybe try buying a Hitachi Magic Wand or something instead. You can use it on eachother and that way he won't have to really use his dick.
>>5760023
Part of it is just feeling or looking ridiculous. Man shape in women's clothes doesn't exactly fit all that great unless you have really lucky genetics. Add to that, the beard shadow and body hair. There's also the whole "don't be a girl" thing that gets drilled into us. So, even if we think it's awesome, it still makes us feel dumb and really conflicted.
>>5760191
See this is the kind of logic you expect from the average tranny here
To them, EVERYONE is fucking trans, even the macho lifters, they're all trans, no exceptions
Suggesting HRT is like suggesting you take a type of prescription drug for some disease because someone on the internet told you.
Just start with crosdressing and seeing if he's okay with doing girly things rather than just kicking him into the deep end
>>5760129
I would also look into facial hair removal as soon as possible. It can be a long drawn out process, depending on genetics. Even if he doesn't go on hormones, it can still help. He can use shaving irritation as an excuse. And if he does decide to take hormones then it's one less thing to be miserable about during transition.
>>5760208
But that's not true Anon. From what I gathered from the girl's posts, are that their SO has had the deep wish of being a girl all the time, and not a crossdressing/sissy fetish. There's a difference between the two, though they both can be present however.
If HRT proves to not be the right thing, one can simply stop. It's reversible provided you're not on it for many many years. It's still worth at least trying to see if it's the right thing, I initially trialed it, being unsure if it was the right thing, but being on it I realize it's everything I've wanted.
You still want to get on HRT as early as possible, the longer one waits, the less satisfying results one gets, and it seems for them that was their plan anyways, after moving out and getting on their own feet. But waiting another 2 years and masculinizing further can do a lot of damage.
Though I'd recommend your advice too about experimenting with i.e. shaving legs & body, makeup, clothes and the like, but the truth is that on a male body without lucky genetics, it can fall short and feel wrong. Clothes and makeup doesn't truly make one more feminine body wise.
>>5760246
See this below
>>5759999
>We talked about it. He says he doesn't want to do it. The hormones
HE DOESN'T HORMONES. He's a crossdresser who has never gotten the chance do do so, you fucking retarded tranny
>>5760292
He doesn't want to go on hormones because they still live with their parents and because they're probably quite uneducated about it.
>>5760246
Hormones aren't going to change his muscle/bone structure either.
They'll only give him those uncanny flabby tranny tits and make his dick limp.
>>5760303
Anon pls.
Wow, this relationship is doomed. Wish i could watch y'all end up on cops at 3 am.
Relationships are destroyed over this shit. All good till your "bf" has a date with a guy that makes you jello af.
Been there, done that. Ditch the tranny in denial. You go be happy.
>>5760311
Tell us your story, anon.
>>5760311
I'd like to know your story too. Why did you support your ex in the first place? A kink or you wanted to make them feel good. When your ex went on a date with a man, who were you jealous of? Did they go on the date without telling you? How did you find out?
I honestly think being left for a man is a possibility every woman dating a closeted MtF should be prepared for.
>>5760385
I've heard it's usually the opposite, the girl is straight and leaves the transgirl even though they're initially okay with it, but as they look girlier and girlier they stop being attracted to them.
>>5760578
We don't even know their age nor how they look, for all we know they could already have god-tier genes for passing.
>>5760368
>>5760578
Oh, cool! I haven't heard "crossdreaming" used here very often. Didn't get adopted (and adapted) with anywhere near the fervour that "AGP" was. Are you a part of that community, Anon?
>>5760606
There is no such thing as "crossdreaming". It is a recent euphemism by suppressive trans activists who hate autogynephilia, because they wrongly think it invalidates their identity. There isn't even an autogynephilia fetish, because it is actually just a masochistic emasculation fetish.
See this thread
>>5760368
>>5760674
Oh. So you're one of those. Alright. Provide a study evincing your claims originating from anywhere other than the Clarke Institute. Otherwise? You're about as reputable as everyone else, and far more disrespectful.
>>5760684
There are no "studies" regarding this fetish beyond the autogynephilia theory. This is otherwise basic and common in psychiatry. Masochistic fetishism, emasculation trauma, emotional attachment.
There is no disrespect intended. It is simply the case that you don't like what is being proposed. The case is that there is a common fetish, for which a minority develop profound emotional attachments.
>>5759660
kill yourself. now. before i do it for you.
>tfw no gf
>tfw no gf who is 100% okay with me wanting to be gril
>>5759660
The only idea i have is
Both of you switch closes and go to eat
Any one asks it was a dare(not too complicated and you should manipulate its time)
Good luck
Also you could involve a friend
>>5759660
I wish I had someone like you. *dies in corner*
>>5759660
It would probably be easier to just make him go get male friends. He'll snap out of it once this is established.
>>5762796
tfw i have a gf and i cant tell her i want to be a grill
>>5763918
Are you sure you can't ?
I did, fully counting on being dumped/outed, and it went pretty OK instead. At some point you have to be honest and stop wasting your time (and possibly her time, tb.h )
pic related, tumblr but cute
>>5763974
im so shy about it :'( i should tell her because things are really serious. I didnt really accept that i wanted to be a girl until just recently. I literally have not been able to stop thinking about it. Just constantly. I feel like i finally realized who i am after all these years. It took me so long to come to terms with this. I just feel kind of like an outcast. Its not common to hear about these kinds of things. I feel elated and releived to finally realize who i am on the inside. Its just so new to me and i feel like nobody will understand me. My family would be accepting but it would just be so hard. Everything i know would change. Its just such a drastic thing to change. I also get scared now because i dont want to wait until its too late. I have pretty feminine features and i feel like now would be the perfect time to transition. I just want to sit on it a little bit to be totally sure. Its still so so new to me. To like actually accept myself for who i am. Thank you so much for responding. Ive been struggling with this realization the past week or so. I havent told anybody yet.. Its really scary. The thing is i just really love my gf. I dont know if she could love me as a girl :'(
>>5764184
First, there's no emergency. It's OK if you need 2, 3 months, or more to find out if that's really what you want and need. It's a big decision, you shoudl take your time; while "too late" can be a concern, it's a matter of years, not months.
Our situation differs a bit in that I was sure from quite a long time (from 13 or so) I would have to transition. I also knew I could not do it while still depending on my family, so I gave myself an "age limit" if you will, I would be independant and transition before 20.
I met my gf about 4 years before that limit. With time it got pretty serious. I loved her very much, still do. We had a very confortable relationship, I felt both that it was ideal to come out (cause she loved me back, clearly), and that I could ruin a really good thing I had. Finally I started hormones at 19. Still it took me a good 4 months to tell her. She was fine with it, very accepting even. We still have a confortable relationship, even more than before - cause there's no elephant in the room anymore. Surprinsingly little changes, actually.
Of course you know your gf, and you probably already know what her reaction would be.
Here's my skype ID if you want to talk : liothique
>>5764411
I guess basically I just wanted to say it is possible that it goes fine.
>>5760187
>if he's humiliated make fun of him in bed
OP, AVOID TRYING TO CRUSH HIS SELF-ESTEEM IT WILL MAKE HIM SELF DESTRUCTIVE
>>5760201
Got it right when they said a male will feel ridiculous trying to be a woman, while looking and feeling no different than they did yesterday
I would reccomend superficial stuff, lingerie, shaving body hair, etc, but don't do it for him, do it WITH him.
Like, as I said, don't make him feel like a child, or a freak, but it would be a bit of jump to have him start HRT.
That is 100% up to him, when he decides to make a move, just be supportive.
Best of luck.
>>5759660
$100 says after you have changed him you eave him because hes no long the person you fell in love with
>>5764411
>>5764430
Thank you for responding! Ive been having a LOT of anxiety about this whole issue :( your story and advice have been super helpful to me. I think im going to take some time to think about everything and just soak it in. Ill tell her eventually. Im nervous about everything. This board has been so helpful to me. I really never expected anyone to respond.. honestly im like really happy that somebody cares haha. Thank you
>>5764823
I am suprised 4chan is being helpful considering its reputation.
Maybe someone here can help me out :/ I am 16 known I wanted to be MtF for 2 years now and with my very close friends have known this. I am not quite sure what the next step is and even how to go about it. I am constantly worried that the longer I wait the harder and harder its going to be to go with HRT and what not. Any advice? (side note my parents are very accepting but im shy and self judging)
>>5764890
Your next step is talking to your parents. Whether you do it with a letter, in person and alone, or in person with a friend for support, you will need to get your parents on board for any legal medical transitioning.
>>5764600
This sums up^
This >>5760311
It really will kill your relationship and your self worth watching your "bf" feminize.
Watch your blossoming "bf" bloom, and be picked by some cheesy chaser that makes him feel girly at a bar that makes you wanna puke while you left wondering what's in it for me. Where's my future, I thought it was just me and you forever.
Why... We were perfect.. Fighting, arguing, the random men, lies.
He was my prefect man.
Sigh
Kek so tired of transbians. If they were women they wouldn't live as straight men for decades
>>5765376
There is such thing as a male or female identity within us, there is only things we associate as masculine & feminine.
https://www.youtube.com/user/GregoryGORGEOUS
As we see with Gigi Gorgeous, a feminine psychology, but only desired to transition when identity became a fixation.
