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 It was the middle of the night
 I loved RuPaul so much, I had all the albums and seasons
 I pray to RuPaul every night before bed, thanking her for the life I’ve been given
 “RuPaul is love” I say. “RuPaul is life”
 My Dad hears me and calls me a faggot
 I knew he was just jealous of my devotion to RuPaul
 “This was my moment” I replied
 He slaps me and sends me to go to sleep
 I’m crying now and my face hurts
 I open my laptop to check on the status of the RuVeal
 No update, just shitposts
 Suddenly I feel a warm presence in the room
 I feel something touch me
 Its RuPaul
 I am flooding my basement
 She whispers in my ear, “how’s your head?”
 She grabs me with her powerful Ru hands and puts me on my hands and knees
 I’m ready
 I death drop my jaw for Ru
 I gag on her eleganza
 It hurts so much but I do it for Ru
 I can feel my throat tearing as my eyes begin to water
 I push against her force
 I want to please Ru
 She roars a mighty roar as she fills me with her love
 My dad walks in
 Ru looks him straight in the eye and says, “Sashay Away”
 Ru leaves through my window
 A message appears on my wall “Season 8 is cancelled”