Okay guys, so I'm a 22 year old guy who over the last year and a half has discovered my love for a "fetish" that seemed to warp my view of the word immensely.
At first I started with diapers/humiliation, then I got into "sissy" stuff, where basically you have a boy being forced to wear women's clothing and suck cocks. I then started to only be able to relate to the female POV in porn and developed this extreme attraction to thinking of myself as a female.
After awhile, I started to notice this crazy attraction to women. Part of me wants to fuck them so badly, part of me is extremely jealous that she is so beautiful and has so much sex appeal. It literally puts me in pain to see an attractive woman and I know that if I were to date one, I'd be way too jealous of her to be able to function.
It's funny, because now that I look back, I remember the first time I ever masturbated was in my mother's dress. The diaper shit seemed to go away as I delved more into the fetish. Anyway, does this envy shit ever fully go away? Like holy fuck, I cannot function and I know I'll never be the girl I dream of being. This fucking blows.
You sound like a full blown narcissist.
>>5438454
this desu
The only fucking fetish I need is ANAL
>>5438454
The doc told me there was no cure to a narcissistic personality. Suicide?
>>5438488
It's called turning 26
>>5439833
Why does this stuff appeal to me? I don't fucking know. Ever since a very young age I recall having strong feelings towards bdsm stuff. I remember one time at summer camp when I was like 6 or 7, the camp counselors forced me to wear and sleep in a blue dress because I called some girl an ugly fucker.
I then remember my mother telling me about a girl who's father forced her to wear a diaper to school, even though she was past the age of needing to wear one and I felt this "buzz" in my head. When I was around 11, I used to think to myself, "why doesn't my mother ever wear dresses or skirts?" and used to have dreams of becoming a sailor moon girl or power puff girl. I also used to become aroused by watching male to female bodyswap scenes.
My first experience with orgasm was when I was 12, reading forced diapering and feminization on the internet while wearing my mother's dress, panties and a diaper.
I don't fucking know how though but I experience dysphoria and I do think that I'm transexual, though I don't want to be. My sex drive literally emasculates me and makes me feel "female" on a daily basis, it doesn't feel safe to be male anymore. These feelings only increase the more I fap but I cannot stop.
>>5439895
So humiliation and emasculation is part of the turn on?
Do you think you're insecure about your masculinity? Like, maybe you think you're not manly enough so you start identifying as the female role instead? Although, you said it started young, so idk if it even has anything to do with gender roles. Do you mostly have female friends/had female friends growing up? Were you girly as a child as well, and did anyone shame you for it?
Did having to wear and sleep in the blue dress turn you on? Or do you think that might've at least partly lead to the formation of this fetish (maybe the shame?)
So you actually want to be a girl? Like, after you fap, do you still want to dress up as a girl/wear diapers? Also, how successful are you with girls in general? Do you think it might be because you can't get girls that you want to turn into one?
Oh wow... so many questions. Sorry for playing armchair psychologists, you don't have to answer any question you don't want to, but I'm just really really curious
>>5439923
Nope, I was never a feminine child. Shy and outspoken yes but feminine, not really. I liked mostly "boy" things like power rangers, dragon ball z, yugioh, pokemon, sports, etc.
I've always been sort of insecure about my masculinity though but I've resolved that for the most part. I've always had problems showing any of the "softer" part of myself, for example, when I used to be really into singing in elementary school, my dad asked me if I was a faggot and laughed at me. I was also never really able to hug anyone because it just felt girly and awkward. I always used to want to use the word "cute" but I was too embarrassed of what people would say to me if I used that word. I've always had a very shy and caring nature though, as far as I can remember.
Most of my friends in early age were girls, my mom had a lot of female friends with daughters and we'd always used to hang out. I had an equal amount of male friends though, as far as I can remember.
After I fap, for about an hour after, I feel calm and relaxed. I start to look at things more clearly and say "Man, I really don't want this." As the desire builds up though, I have the constant desire to emasculate myself in every way. I'd love to wear very hyper-feminine items of attire to show the world how much of a "girl" I really am. It's so embarrassing but it is the most powerful turn on I've ever felt.
I'm still a very shy and socially awkward boy though. I was bullied in elementary, middle and high school for my chubby boy appearance and dropped out of school because of bullying(though I told nobody). After losing weight though, I look pretty good now but I freeze up with women, even if I know they're attracted to me. The desire to emasculate myself actually presented itself again after I felt truly inadequate. I get so jealous that they don't have to initiate contact with people to find love/sex because of their beauty. I get so jealous of the attention even average girls get.
>>5439946
Hmm, would you summarize your situation as that of a sensitive boy who didn't quite fit into the rigid mold of masculinity slowly feeling more and more emasculated until he finally just decides to give up and become feminine instead? Also, sorry to hear that you were bullied throughout your childhood/teenage years. Do you think that has anything to do with how you turned out?
As for the jealousy part. Do you think your life would be easier as a girl?
And finally, do you see any way out of this? Do you think you'd transition? What happens after that? What if there's a girl who does shower you with attention and acceptance? Or is emasculation so deeply rooted in your sexual psyche that you don't think you'd ever get over this fetish?
>>5439993
Yes, this is exactly how I'd summarize my current situation. I don't know if it was my sensitive nature that caused people to pick on me more, or if it was people picking on me that caused my super sensitive nature. All I know is that I've always found women to be more gentle, kind and caring. As a woman, I feel like I would be placed in a warmer world where i'd be safe from any sort of harrasment or harm and grab that attention I crave so deeply. I don't really see any way out of this right now. I'd like to think transitioning will fix all of my problems but I don't think it will in reality. I guess I have to try.... If I actually did find a woman who showered me with attention, admiration and also accepts me for who I am, my life view would probably change greatly, yes but I don't think that will ever happen.
>>5440014
Ah, okay. Sorry there were so many assholes in your life anon. You seem like a really nice person. And thanks for being willing to share your experiences and how you feel. No matter what you end up choosing, I hope you find happiness and peace with yourself.
And if it makes you feel any better, women aren't automatically more gentle, kind and caring. I went to an all-girls school throughout middle school and high school, and teenaged girls are plenty cruel. Although, I was an angsty jerk so maybe I deserved most of what they did. Actually I'm kinda the opposite of you I guess, since part of me has always been envious of guys, and especially when I was a child I really wanted to be a boy. Which might also be what makes this topic especially interesting to me.
